First published on Wednesday at 3:11 pm, but it was off the front page this morning, so reposting for anyone who didn’t see this yesterday.
Hey everybody,
Most of you probably know that John lost his best friend (and soulmate) Tammy last Tuesday. In case you missed it, here’s the post where John shared his sad news.
We created a GoFundMe to cover funeral-related expenses for Tammy, and John asked me if I would share it with all of you.
On 6 December 2022, one of the most wonderful people to ever grace the planet, Tammy Whitacre, was found unresponsive at home and subsequently pronounced dead.
My name is John Cole, and Tammy was my best friend in the world.
Tammy’s sudden loss, with no warning, is an absolute shock to her husband, family, and friends. Unrelated medical expenses this past year had already wreaked havoc on their finances.
Please consider a donation to help cover the unexpected funeral costs and to make things just a tiny bit easier for her surviving family.
If you are inclined to contribute, here’s a link to the GoFundMe.
I cry every time I see a photo of Tammy – even in photos, she has a light about her that shines through, and it always seems impossible when someone like that is gone.
One way we can help John is to help him help Brian. What a terrible loss.
Tammy with sweet Lily, and what I presume are Cole’s legs.
John asked me to figure out what amount would cover funeral expenses, which is a little tricky because Brian is struggling, as you can imagine, so we can’t really ask him for details. I did some research and came up with an estimate of $15,000, but when I mentioned the amount to my good friend who recently lost her mom in Kentucky, she thought that would likely only cover the bare minimum, so I have set the goal at $20,000. So if that amount seems wrong to anyone, point your fingers at me.
Bunter
When my mother died in 2018, she’d prepaid for the funeral about $20,000 and we still owed somewhere between another $2000-5000. I don’t recall exactly because, well, I mean, Mom. But I’d assume a minimum of $20,000.
middlelee
Done. Thanks for letting us help.
locanicole
Done. Hope this helps the family.
Betty Cracker
Glad to pitch in. I’ve been thinking of Tammy’s family and friends and am thankful to have a way to help.
Seanly
Chipped in. Hope they’re able to get more than enough.
I’m so sorry that John lost a dear friend and that Brian lost his spouse.
cain
@Bunter: 20K for a funeral? Lawd. I’m getting cremated. (which is what Hindus usually do) I’ll get my ashes buried in a garden to help plants grow or maybe just have people just throw it up the air and let the wind take it!
ETA and also people singing “Wellerman” as loudly as they can while tossing said ashes. I want it as absurd as I can get it!
PhaedrusOnBass
Done. As Hawkeye Pierce once said, “Never let it be said that I didn’t do the least I could do.”
My condolences to Tammy’s family, as well as to John.
CaseyL
Done. On top of everything else, Brian absolutely should not have to sweat over paying for this.
cain
I will look into pitching in. Sudden death is so hard and hopefully her husband can get some self help or therapy to get through this devastating loss.
karen marie
@cain: I won’t get into why I had custody of my ex-husband’s corpse but I had a local-to-Massachusetts mortuary school do the whole shebang, including a funeral service (I didn’t attend and told no one about it). It was free.
WaterGirl
@CaseyL: Yes. Years ago i had a friend who had 3 days between jobs, and therefore 3 days with no health insurance. She miscarried during those 3 days – to say that paying for the medical bills out of pocket added insult to injury during that time of loss didn’t even begin to cover it.
Poe Larity
Done, thx
persistentillusion
Done. Such sad news. Thank you WG for organizing this as you always do. Being able to help in some small way helps.
evap
Done. As others have said, I’m glad that there is something I can do to help.
Old School
@cain:
The price isn’t dramatically different.
According to funeralocity, the average price in West Virginia for a traditional burial is $7K while a cremation is $6K.
CarolPW
@CaseyL:
Or modify whatever ritual he needs to fit within a particular budget. If he wants her to be hauled to the damned cemetery in a horse-drawn caisson we can make that happen. Donated.
Barbara
I donated. My mother’s and brother’s funeral expenses were quite a bit less, and I hope Tammi’s are as well so that her husband has a lighter burden. My mother already had a plot and my brother was cremated so that might have been the reason.
Barbara
@Old School: My mother and brother died in Pittsburgh and the funeral home expenses were around $3000, but there were additional expenses for the burial itself, for my mother, around $1000, and she already had a plot so that wasn’t included. However, I know that there are personal decisions that can increase the cost. Like I said, if the cost is lower, well, the additional money will still be going to a very worthy recipient.
Mai Naem mobile
Done. WG I don’t know if you realize but the go fund me has John Cole being in Champaign, Illinois.
WaterGirl
@Old School: I did the research. At first glance it looked like $10,000 might cover it. But they are having a visitation / viewing with all that entails, and they are doing cremation, as well, so that’s how I landed on $15,000. As I said up top, it was the conversation with my friend who had recently organized the funeral for her mom in Kentucky, where she was adamant that $15,000 would cover the bare minimum. And bare minimum is not the goal.
The goal here is to make the financial side of this as simple as possible for Brian, who has just lost the love of his life, so I increased the goal amount in response to my friend’s input. If anyone has questions about the cost, please feel free to send me an email about it. The last thing Cole needs, after losing his person, is to read the thread and have folks second-guessing the GoFundMe.
Alison Rose
I wish I could give ten times what I’m able. Sending love to John, Brian, and everyone else who knew Tammy <3
MisterForkbeard
I’m in. I wish I could do more.
Old School
@Barbara: Agreed. That seems to be what the funeral home’s charges are. For clergy/organist/soloist or a meal afterwards, it can get much more expensive.
Ohio Mom
@cain: I am thinking of donating my body to science. I’m okay with my body being used for a medical school anatomy course. A cousin of Ohio Dad’s did so and her ashes were eventually returned to the family for burial.
But I get that people find comfort in following the established burial customs. There’s no right or wrong way to say goodbye, whatever is meaningful to the family.
WaterGirl
@MisterForkbeard: As with anything we raise funds for on Balloon Juice, no one should feel obligated to give, and no one should feel bad about not being able to do more.
We are a family here and, whatever the cause, we don’t need everyone to give in order to make the world go ’round.
narya
Done. I wish I could bring some food for her family.
Old School
@WaterGirl:
I’m only pointing out that cremation vs. traditional burial isn’t the cost savings people who haven’t had to plan a funeral might think it is.
I’m certainly not quibbling over the fundraiser.
NaijaGal
Chipped in. She was so young. Still absolutely shocking!
divF
Done.
JeanneT
The costs of funerals is outrageous and takes advantage of people at their most distressed time. I know this is not useful for Brian, but if anyone wants to pre-plan to save your family extra grief, I was just checking info for my MIL’s future cremation. Through a cremation focused business (not a regular funeral home) it came to about $2500 including a service – a fancy urn and viewing before cremation would cost extra. In 2020 my sister had a ‘green’ burial: no embalming, no vault, a bio-degradable box for the casket. That was relatively inexpensive, but there were costs for the burial plot and a marker. My BIL did not want viewing or a service, so it was about $8,000 for her burial. We had a little family gathering for a memorial.
WaterGirl
@Old School: Happy to know that.
greengoblin
In for a bit as well. Glad to be of some help.
SiubhanDuinne
Done. I always wished I had had the chance to know Tammy in person.
Peace to John and Brian and Tammy’s mother.
Mai Naem mobile
My friends mom had a prepaid funeral that was supposed to cover everything – the burial plot, casket, the grave marker, actual funeral etc. He ended up paying, IIRC, an extra $2K because the local laws had changed so that the depth you had to dig the hole had increased slightly.
Haroldo
Chipped in.
EarthWindFire
Thank you, WG, for being our eyes, ears and conscience. Donated.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@JeanneT: My siblings and I didn’t want to have a wake for our mom, but we knew it meant a lot to her sisters and the other elders, so… Caskets are very expensive, and funerals are for the grieving.
Hear, hear.
Alison Rose
WG, do you think it’s okay if we share the fundraiser with our FB friends? Mine are pretty much all family, IRL friends, and folks I’ve known online for years, some of whom probably are familiar with this blog and John. But I wanted to check first if you think that’s kosher.
bjacques
Pitched in as well. May she be granted a swift and safe journey to the Western Lands.
Kineslaw
I chipped in. What a loss she was for the people that loved her.
WaterGirl
@Alison Rose: Yes, it would be fine for you to share the fundraiser.
Alison Rose
@WaterGirl: Thank you.
pat
Done. So terribly sorry that John and the family have to go through this, and I hope this brings a little comfort.
JMG
I donated. It’s a small thing for an immeasurable loss, but it’s something.
WaterGirl
@JMG: Helping John help Brian is a huge gift to John.
Joy in FL
I put in some money for Tammy’s funeral. I’m so glad we are helping with this.
Some folks have commented on costs of cremation. About a year ago, I pre-paid my own cremation for around one thousand dollars. I pre-paid a green burial for around two thousand. I did not want any extras, which kept my costs down. Burying a body (not a cremated one) costs probably a few hundred more than what I paid.
The green burial place is called Heartwood Preserve; it is in west Pasco county in Florida. With the cost of the burial, they include the use of their gathering room for an hour before or after the burial. I mention the Heartwood Preserve in case anyone is interested in green burial in Florida. You can google it; they have a good website.
AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue Team
Done. Ty for organizing this WG.
It’s just heartbreaking.
Tom Levenson
Done.
May Tammy’s memory be a blessing to all who knew her (even us Jackals, vicariously, through John).
Ida Slapter
Done. Hope this helps to bring some comfort to John and Brian. Thanks.
HeleninEire
Done. Thank you for doing this WG. May her memory be a blessing.
RaflW
@WaterGirl: Several times a month, I say to myself: “The best healthcare system in the world.”
And then I hate the GOP just a little bit more, as those lying sacks of shit do everything possible to f*** us over
eta: Kicked in for Tammy’s family, too. Thanks for organizing this.
Ohio Mom
@Joy in FL: There are a few green burial options in the Cincinnati area as well.
Joy in FL
@Ohio Mom: I feel so lucky there was one very close to where I live. I think there are three in Florida. Green burial is such an environmentally good thing. From what I understand, it is becoming more widely known and more frequent.
Donatellonerd
Done. I feel i owe John a lot for this site (and you too WG). it was such sad shocking news.
cain
@Ohio Mom: That might be the best idea. My grandfather donated his eyes to science and some young person was able to have them. It’s poetic really. There might be someone who needs a new lung, heart, liver or whatever. As long as the donor is not a Jan 6 agitator or MAGA.
We should stop doing this – heck, we should get a tax credit if we donate.
cain
@JeanneT:
I think you can reduce the price quite a bit by removing the ceremonial aspects of the whole thing. Visitation, speech etc etc. Man, just have a wake at home with the ashes. Play Rush or Bon Jovi – Salt-n-Peppa call it good.
Cephalus Max
Done. Thx Watergirl.
gvg
Funerals are for the living. I don’t plan to out live my parents but when I was younger my sister and I discovered that my mother is freaked out by the idea of cremation which both of us find nicer than the idea of rotting away…I suspect insisting on cremation might cause a family fight in a time of grief and remember a feud that started at my grandmothers funeral. I decided I don’t care enough about my dead body. I also would like my organs donated if circumstances happen that way but I also doubt parents are going to be comfortable with it. My sister has the same doubts. Mother has a written instructions about her funeral including music choices she reminds us of now and then so she cares. I have no opinion about my body but do care about my family left so…
The parents had quite a bit of difficulty getting their burial plots bought. The trustee who sold them for that cemetery was hard to reach and unresponsive. They had to find an elected city official to put pressure on him eventually. Odd. Funerals are hard to manage. Prearranging what can be is good but younger people don’t.
chrome agnomen
I may be late with this suggestion. my BIL just died. his wife donated his body to Science Care, who harvested this and that, cremated the rest, and sent the ashes home. no cost whatsoever.
cain
@RaflW: I’m reminded of the mini-rants that Joe Pesci’s obnoxious character in Lethal Weapon 2:
Leo Getz : They fuck you at the drive-thru, okay? They fuck you at the drive-thru! They know you’re gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked! They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back, they don’t care. So who gets fucked? Ol’ Leo Getz! Okay, sure! I don’t give a fuck! I’m not eating this tuna, okay?
Roger Murtaugh , Martin Riggs : Shut up!
zhena gogolia
Donated. Deepest condolences to Brian and John.
raven
@gvg:My buddy Joe
Overnight, hospice came to write the death certificate, and we dressed him in his favorite clothes—sweatpants, sweatshirt, wooly socks, a hand-knitted hat my mother made, a scarf I knitted him when I was 13, with blue and red stripes in Fibonacci sequence—and his glasses, which he was always looking for.
The only interaction with the funeral industry we had was for the transport of the body, a job performed by two lovely and respectful men from the Carolina Mortuary Transportation Service, who I’m guessing had never had a job quite like this one. They didn’t question my family’s wishes, though they seemed relieved to hear that my uncle was digging the grave with a backhoe—it wouldn’t just be several grief-stunned women with shovels. My mother had called several different companies to try to line up the transportation of the body in the days before my father’s death. The others were overtly rude to her, refused to do the job and even told her it was illegal, which she knew wasn’t true.
raven
@chrome agnomen: Uh, there’s a time and a place . . .
chrome agnomen
@raven: this seems like it…
Alison Rose
Folks, I think it’s fine to share what your plans are for yourself or your loved ones, but I don’t think it’s necessary or fitting to be like “this is what they should do cuz it’s cheaper” or something. If Tammy’s family wants a funeral service, then that is what they should have. We’re not talking about a pet or a totaled car or something. Please just have a think before commenting stuff like this.
Alison Rose
@chrome agnomen: Your phrasing was insensitive.
Barbara
@gvg:
Your family sounds like mine. I think my mother was mostly indifferent, but she wanted to be buried with my father so that was clearly the path of least resistance. She died suddenly, no instructions whatsoever.
frosty
Donated. Thank you WG and condolences to Brian and John.
jnfr
I had missed this event, though I saw John saying he was so sad. I am so sorry for this loss, John and Brian. I feel like she was a member of the BJ family through you.
Will help out when the check comes on Friday. Thanks for putting this together.
cain
@Barbara: I probably need to make those end of life decisions myself.
Argiope
Thank you so much for organizing us, WG—I was hoping there was something we could do to ease the burden on Tammy’s family and to support John. Added my bit to the fund.
Gin & Tonic
Done.
When my time comes, I want a Viking funeral. There might be some legal hurdles, though.
raven
@Alison Rose: Thank you.
something fabulous
@WaterGirl: Thanks for organizing this, and for that reminder. I also have the tendency to want to apologize, or to not take part if I can’t in a big way in case that looks rude, somehow.
This can be such a very very hard time of year for folks in lots of ways– I know it is, for me. Please everyone be a little tender with each other (and yourself!), especially in this thread.
Ruckus
I’ll put in what I can.
I’ve been through this a number of times, I’m old and was the youngest in the family. The cost, like the cost of everything else has gone up a lot over the last few years.
WaterGirl
@Argiope: Thanks to you and everyone else who is donating. Brian may not know it, but Cole has a legion of people who love him and together we are here for Brian, in honor of Tammy.
arrieve
Chipped in and happy to do it.
I’ve had to pay for two funerals, my sister’s and my mother’s, and they are, as everyone notes, ridiculously expensive. I still remember that the funeral director I dealt with for my sister was wearing a tie clip in the shape of a tiny shovel. I did not find that quirky or amusing.
One thing I did at the start of the pandemic was prepay for my own cremation. I don’t remember exactly how much it was, but somewhere in the neighborhood of 3K if you want the no frills version and pay in advance. That way whoever is taking care of making my arrangements at least won’t have to deal with that.
Miss Bianca
@Gin & Tonic: Pal D and I were talking about the Viking Funeral option, but figured that landlocked as we were here in the mountains, it wouldn’t be practical.
But ask us about our Swedish Death Luge idea sometime, preferably after a preprandial sherry or three…
Steeplejack
Chipped in. RIP, Tammy. 🙏
CarolPW
@Gin & Tonic: You just need friends like Gram Parsons had, and they will take care of it despite the illegality.
Miki
@Ohio Mom: Not just MDs, but dentists, too. We want dentists to know anatomy, folks.
P.S. My body is going to the University of Minnesota. Cremation is free when everything is done. Worthy, worthy bequest.
Pennsylvanian
Think the amount is probably about right. My mom’s funeral was about $12k 6 year ago. That did not include the excavation, concrete vault and later headstone or marker because she was cremated, plus it was in the before times. I think it’s spot on these days.
Heading over to do my part. Hopefully it will ease a burden for Brian because we certainly can’t ease the pain.
lowtechcyclist
Funerals may be way more expensive than they should be, but there’s nothing to do about that in the time frame we’ve got. Brian is surely dealing with a truckload of pain and grief right now, and the least we can do is keep this from plunging him too far into debt as well. I’m more than happy to chip in.
Jerzy Russian
Put me down for $20.
Miki
Donation done.
Unexpected death is the worst – the emotional processing can go on for years and years and years. More than willing to contribute what I can to ease some of the $$ stress. Hope it helps a little.
❤️
Sandia Blanca
Thank you WaterGirl, for giving us a way to express our condolences to John other than offering to hug him (a suggestion to which he did not take kindly). Please keep us posted if there’s more we can do.
Cheryl from Maryland
@cain: Cremation rather than preparation for a burial wasn’t much cheaper re the funeral home price quotes in November when my spouse died unexpectedly. Although the casket was another $3,000.00. Headstone, ground prep, etc. the same no matter what. I already owned a plot thanks to my grandfather buying several in the 1960s. Death in the US ain’t cheap.
Ohio Mom
@cain: I had a molar pulled on Monday and there is (highly processed) ground cadaver bone in the space left behind. How the bone got from corpse to processing plant is something I have no idea about.
I keep asking myself, Does this weird me out? But so far it doesn’t.
skerry
Donated.
Cheryl from Maryland
@WaterGirl: Agreed. You have taken the correct, compassionate path. Thank you.
rockstar
I cannot imagine how much pain Brian and John are experiencing right now, what a tragedy. I am glad to be able to contribute. Me, I will be cremated, placed in a Folgers can and my son will dump my ashes into the Pacific Ocean while reciting Walter’s eulogy of Theodore Donald Karabotsos – Goodnight, sweet prince. RIP Tammy, you were obviously loved by many, and I hope this helps Brian and John get through this troubling period a little easier.
kalakal
Chipped in.
Pro tip when transporting Urns on planes, let TSA know as it they can do all sorts of weird things to metal detectors
My MIL came down to live with us in Fl so we could take care of her after she was T-boned by an idiot running a red light and broke her neck. On her death she was cremated for reasons. She wanted – naturally – to be buried with her husband in Greenfield, Ohio and that’s over a 1,000 miles away. Also she wanted the ceremony delayed until it was safe for the family, this was when Covid was raging, and she didn’t want to make other people ill. The flight up started oddly
Ohio Mom
@Gin & Tonic: That is what my uncle said, though he added that he wanted a NYC version of a Viking funeral, which he described as his ashes put in origami paper boat and sent down a sewer.
What all of us cousins did was put his ashes in a cardboard canoe my brother built (about two to three feet long), climb down a hill of rocks between a park and the Hudson, and pushed the boat off with a long stick. It probably wasn’t legal but we didn’t ask.
No, we are not a religious family; my uncle was anything but conventional. We were happy to fulfill his wishes and the afternoon seeing him off remains a fond memory among his nieces and nephews.
But as I said before, there is no right or wrong way to say goodbye, whatever comforts the family. Some members of my family had regulation religious funerals, and I cherish those memories as well.
Leslie
@raven: That was beautiful. Thank you.
And thanks for organizing this, WG. I chipped in, glad to be able to do something to help.
EmbraceYourInnerCrone
Done. Hope it helps a bit
raven
@Leslie: Katherine is a treasure. Unfortunately her wife couldn’t get a green card so the moved back to Australia shortly after Joe died.
AM in NC
@Old School: Wow. Here in NC, my mom’s cremation over the summer was about $2800.
DarbysMom
@raven: Loved this. Just beautiful. Thanks.
Donated. Happy to have a way to try and help Tammy’s family and John a little bit.
artem1s
Done. condolences to Tammy’s family and friends.
stinger
Donated. Thank you, WaterGirl.
Redshift
Glad to help, and condolences again.
jackmac
Done. Happy to help.
CliosFanBoy
I never met Tammy or Lily but that photo makes me sad.
dnfree
Even if someone has a cremation, other costs can be part of a funeral or memorial service. My cousin who was in charge of the service for my aunt paid expenses to fly our musician daughter from the Chicago area to Tampa to sing the hymns my aunt had requested. Our daughter and my aunt were among the family members who shared red hair and they were close. Not everything is about how inexpensively it can be done. My aunt would have loved having her grandniece sing.
Ohio Mom
@dnfree: That’s a lovely story.
BQuimby
Done.
Sadly very expensive despite any attempts to be appropriately frugal.
Odie Hugh Manatee
Done.
There go two miscreants
Donated. If we can’t bring cheer (because really impossible in this situation) we can at least bring some stress relief.
Other MJS
Done.
Jobeth
Donated – rest in peace Tammy.
moonbat
Done. Thanks for allowing us to help, WaterGirl.
Rob
Done.
brantl
@Alison Rose: He’s trying to be helpful, FFS. Cut him a break, he’s trying to cut someone else one.
Dagaetch
Donated. Moments like these suck enough without having to think about money.
Ohio Mom
@brantl: And if it’s not helpful for Tammy’s survivors, this suggestion may be helpful to someone else another time.
One thing I learned when my mom became terminally ill — I was youngish and that was my first big loss and death — is that well-meaning people often state things in less than optimal ways. I decided to embrace the sentiment and ignore the rest.
Omnes Omnibus
Donated.
Alison Rose
@brantl: As I said, the phrasing was totally insensitive. Would you say the exact words they used to Brian’s face? If not, then they shouldn’t be said here, either.
I’m not going to continue arguing about why people should sometimes keep their mouths shut.
Mel
@Alison Rose: Thank you. Well said.
It is so painful and so disorienting to lose someone you love so unexpectedly.
Hopefully, as you pointed out, the Go Fund Me will make it so that Tammy’s family can honor her in whatever way feels most right and comforting to them, and not having to worry about how to pay will take at least a small part of the burden away during such a difficult, frightening time.
A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)
@Ohio Mom: My Dad did that – when he died, the SF medical school picked up his body at no cost. We had a memorial service for him (turns out, it can’t be called a funeral unless there is a body present).
Albatrossity
Done. Thanks for this.
Gretchen
Even if the funeral itself doesn’t cost as much, sometimes it’s comforting to have other things paid for, like travel for friends or relatives, or a meal after the funeral, memorial park bench, or even just clearing some bills so Brian won’t have to worry about them.
Wolvesvalley
I just added to the fund. Thank you for doing this, WaterGirl. The jackals always come through.
thruppence
Donated. Any of us would have been blessed to have a friend like Tammy.
Super Dave
Done. Condolences to The family and to Mr. Cole.
WaterGirl
Thanks, everybody, for taking such good care of John.
You are all doing a lot to help John, with your donations here and your kind words in the next post.
Helping Brian is helping John, and helping John is helping Brian. Brothers in grief.
Andrya
Done. Don’t know how much it helps, but I hope it helps some.
Madeleine
Done. I hope this eases pain for Brian, John, and Tammy’s family.
Trivia Man
This organization does good work, they have resources for people dealing with such a sudden and shocking event. They never send the information to the newly bereaved unless that person requests it, instead they send it to someone who can hand it to them personally. I am sure there is information on funeral planning in the packet.
https://soaringspirits.org/programs/newly-widowed/
Debbie(Aussie)
The least that I could do. Given with love❣️
Paul in KY
Done. Deepest condolences to the family.
rockstar
EmbraceYourInnerCrone
@Miss Bianca: wait what!? Now I have to ask Whatis that??
EmbraceYourInnerCrone
@chrome agnomen: never heard of them but have been think that’s sort of what I want so I will be looking into that.
AnnaN
Done. The least I could do in an impossibly devastating situation.
Please continue to take care. <3
lee
Donated.
For a funeral $20k sounds about right.
Wife & I are donating organs and/or to science.
Looks like getting close to the target. If it stalls out without hitting $20k, I’ll chip in some more.
WaterGirl
@lee: That is so kind of you!
eachother
I’m in. I appreciate the opportunity to help.
Love eachother
Skepticat
I’m sending a small amount of money but a huge amount of support and love. I never met Tammy, yet I feel John’s and Brian’s pain at the loss of such a special person. Although funerals do help people cope and everyone should do what brings them the most comfort, rather than any traditional service, I’ll be cremated, there’ll be a party at my former Marblehead yacht club, and my ashes will be fired from the starting gun of a national championship regatta.
Betsy
Gave my little part in sympathy.
206inKY
It’ll easily be over $20,000 needed for a burial and tombstone, I vote for raising the target. My mom’s costs came in at around $24,000 in 2020 and that’s without a large funeral due to covid. Surely prices have risen since then.
Sending my sincere condolences. No words can comfort pain like what you’re enduring.