• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

T R E 4 5 O N

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

The revolution will be supervised.

Everybody saw this coming.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Not all heroes wear capes.

We still have time to mess this up!

After roe, women are no longer free.

Infrastructure week. at last.

Bark louder, little dog.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

The words do not have to be perfect.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

No one could have predicted…

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Mobile Menu

  • Winnable House Races
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • Balloon Juice 2023 Pet Calendar (coming soon)
  • COVID-19 Coronavirus
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • War in Ukraine
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • 2021-22 Fundraising!
You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Greetings From My Deathbed

Greetings From My Deathbed

by John Cole|  December 21, 20221:20 am| 115 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

FacebookTweetEmail

Because 2022 wants to go out with a fucking BANG, I woke up at 3 am with a throat so sore I could not swallow. Called the doc, she made me come in, got tested, and I have the flu. No covid, though. I feel like hammered shit, so much so that she actually said “I don’t even need to test you, you look so awful I know you have the flu, but I am gonna test you anyway.”

So yeah, chills, the shits, exhaustion, aches, pains, congestion, the works. I’m up right now because I slept all day and can not fall back asleep. I’m totally fucking over 2022, and it has pushed me to the fucking breaking point.

Have I mentioned how awesome it is to have your doc, while evaulating you, remark “You look awful.” I mean, she said it with sympathy, but still.

I have no appetite, either, and am forcing myself to stay hydrated with hot herbal tea and honey, and a protein bar here and there just so my stomach doesn’t get sour from all the bullshit I am taking- we got the nasal spray, we got the pills for the cough, we got the choricidon, we got ear drops because it spread to my ears, we got the tylenol for “pain relief” (that shit never does anything I swear it doesn’t work), the salt water you’ve got to gargle, and then my personal favorite, the chloroseptic spray for the back of your throat that you can never get to spray in the right place so it just makes everything feel vaguely numb for thirty seconds then your mouth tastes like you were sucking on a pharmacist’s gloves for the next hour.

Seriously, fuck 2022. I give the finger to everyone and everything.

Also, I am gassy. I’ll just leave you with that. Fuck this shit.

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: «spy v. spy flyouts War for Ukraine Day 300: President Zelenskyy Goes to Bakhmut!
Next Post: Wednesday Morning Open Thread: Everything All At Once »

Reader Interactions

115Comments

  1. 1.

    wmd

    December 21, 2022 at 1:23 am

    Hydrate.

  2. 2.

    Alison Rose

    December 21, 2022 at 1:25 am

    Half the sentences in this post should become rotating tags.

    Sorry you’re sick, JC. If I lived there (heaven forfend) I’d make you matzo ball soup. Bland enough to get down even when you don’t feel well, but warm and filling too.

  3. 3.

    mvr

    December 21, 2022 at 1:25 am

    Still, we are happy you are alive and will survive. Even if it will take you a few days/hours to be happy too.

    Get well. ASAP!

  4. 4.

    Poptartacus

    December 21, 2022 at 1:26 am

    Flu is the worst

  5. 5.

    JustRuss

    December 21, 2022 at 1:32 am

    I had covid two weeks ago, worst sore throat I’ve ever had.  Sucrets saved me.  And the salt water gargle.

  6. 6.

    Steeplejack

    December 21, 2022 at 1:33 am

    Pain relief: Aleve is a wonder drug for me. My unscientific opinion is that pain relievers’ effectiveness is at least partially based on your particular metabolism. Maybe try something other than Tylenol. Just a thought.

    Other than that, hydrate and sleep when you can. I hope you get well soon.

  7. 7.

    frosty

    December 21, 2022 at 1:34 am

    I’m so sorry, John. This makes my bout of COVID and the rebound seem like nothing. Which it has been, just the usual upper respiratory crap.

    I gave up on Tylenol and Advil. Aleve works pretty well for me.

    And yeah “Don’t forget to hydrate.”

  8. 8.

    NotoriousJRT

    December 21, 2022 at 1:37 am

    Hang in there, Cole. Here’s hoping you recover from the flu soon. The heartache, I know, will take longer. Be patient with and kind to yourself.

    And maybe check out the pet pic’s WaterGirl has been posting…

  9. 9.

    BeautifulPlumage

    December 21, 2022 at 1:39 am

    Isn’t willow bark tea supposed to be healing? (unless it’s planted too close to the house)

    Sorry to hear you’re so miserable & hope you find relief soon!

  10. 10.

    BeautifulPlumage

    December 21, 2022 at 1:41 am

    Aleve has become my go-to pain reliever, and the 12 hour versions are great!

  11. 11.

    cain

    December 21, 2022 at 1:46 am

    sorry, it’s ended poorly – I hope you recover before the new year is upon us. Be well!

  12. 12.

    Westyny

    December 21, 2022 at 1:46 am

    Sore throats are the worst.  Feel better, Cole.

  13. 13.

    AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue Team

    December 21, 2022 at 1:53 am

    Hope you feel better soon John

  14. 14.

    sab

    December 21, 2022 at 1:57 am

    So sorry for you. And just a reminder to anyone who says ” just the flu”. That just shows you haven’t had flu lately. My last bout with flu was in 1975 and I still remember it. My fever was so high that my teeth chattered for several days.

  15. 15.

    NotMax

    December 21, 2022 at 2:04 am

    Yeah, Tylenol does nothing for me either. Old school aspirin is my go-to when that sort of thing to take the edge off is warranted.

    to have your doc, while evaulating you, remark “You look awful.”

    Cute co-inkydink.

    Watched a Norwegian show recently. Comes a scene when the male lead is shown leaning over the bed, gently nudging the female therein awake.

    First thing he asks her is “Do you want coffee?” Which in Norwegian, to the ear unfamiliar with it, sounds a lot like he’s saying “You look awful” in English.

  16. 16.

    NotMax

    December 21, 2022 at 2:08 am

    @NotMax

    Forgot to mention it’s Chanukah, which means Jewish penicillin* is doubly effective.

    *chicken soup, for the uninitiated

  17. 17.

    gene108

    December 21, 2022 at 2:10 am

    Sorry you got sick, John.

    Hope you get better soon.

  18. 18.

    CaseyL

    December 21, 2022 at 2:18 am

    Ah, jeez, John.  So sorry to hear you have the flu, and there is no “just the flu” about it.  The sickest I have ever been in my life was the three times I had the flu.

    Sore throats are the worst, because nothing really works to relieve the pain.  The salt water gargle, disgusting as it is, does help some.

    I also found taking hot, really really hot, showers helped.  Long ones.  Loosen up the congestion, relax the muscles, and hopefully make you sleepy.

    Sleep as much as you can.  “The only way out is through” – yeah, but try to be unconscious for the “though” part.

    Hope you get better soon.

  19. 19.

    Ten Bears

    December 21, 2022 at 2:22 am

    Things can only get better …

  20. 20.

    Bruce K in ATH-GR

    December 21, 2022 at 2:22 am

    2022 has been a long damned decade.

    Feel better soon.

  21. 21.

    Sister Golden Bear

    December 21, 2022 at 2:22 am

    If you’d like, we can take you behind the shed and put you out of your misery. But seriously, I hope you getting better soon, and sending you virtual chicken soup.

  22. 22.

    Jacel

    December 21, 2022 at 2:24 am

    Sorry that Tylenol and Chloroseptic spray aren’t working for you. They’ve been go-to comfort treatments for me for a long time, but it might be one of those individual things like cilantro tasting awesome or like soap.

  23. 23.

    West of the Rockies

    December 21, 2022 at 2:26 am

    @JustRuss:

    They still make Sucrets?!  Does it still come in a little tin?

  24. 24.

    Redshift

    December 21, 2022 at 2:41 am

    Man, that sucks. Sorry.

  25. 25.

    sab

    December 21, 2022 at 2:42 am

    @NotMax: Silly man.

  26. 26.

    NotMax

    December 21, 2022 at 2:45 am

    @sab

    “It couldn’t hoit.”

    /Brooklynese

  27. 27.

    mrmoshpotato

    December 21, 2022 at 3:03 am

    Hope you feel better soon, John.  And I hope you don’t get that blizzard you want beforehand.

  28. 28.

    Tehanu

    December 21, 2022 at 3:09 am

    Poor baby, I’m really sorry you feel so awful and I deeply sympathize.  Last time I had the flu I was in no danger of dying; I just wanted to die.  Hydrate:  chicken soup; lemonade, or better yet, limeade, with lots of sugar in it; plain water if all else fails.  And I love the post title!

  29. 29.

    Rebelsdad (fka texasboyshaun)

    December 21, 2022 at 3:16 am

    This sucks, John. I really hope you get better soon. Between COVID boosters, flu, and monkeypox vaccines I’ve had more shots this year than in my entire life combined. I’m seeing how strep, flu, COVID, and RSV are hitting people around the country and it’s really alarming. Winter has barely even started. People barely took proper health measures before the pandemic started and I feel like lots of us are worn down and stopped trying.

    Bigelow’s lemon ginger tea makes me feel somewhat human when I’m sick, maybe it would help you, too?

  30. 30.

    prostratedragon

    December 21, 2022 at 3:25 am

    John, glad you’re in touch with your doctor. Hope you feel better soon. Hot tea, soup, water, in no particular order. Sounds like many of us here know what the sickness unto death is, but you’ll make it.

  31. 31.

    opiejeanne

    December 21, 2022 at 3:44 am

    @NotMax: I believe in Jewish penicillin, even though I’m not Jewish. I was very sick for a year because of the meds I was on for Hep C, and couldn’t eat and didn’t want to; I was so anemic that the doc threatened to hospitalize me.

    My husband decided to make chicken soup and I swear that stuff saved me, if only from being hospitalized, but I really think it saved my life. I couldn’t taste most foods, but I could taste that and it was wonderful. Alas, he doesn’t remember how he made it now and can’t find a reasonable facsimile in any of our cookbooks. I can come close, but never quite as good as that soup tasted to me.

  32. 32.

    opiejeanne

    December 21, 2022 at 3:46 am

    John, I really feel for you. Flu is a nasty beast in general, but some varieties go above and beyond. Everyone here has already told you to stay hydrated and sleep as much as possible, and I have nothing to add to that advice.

  33. 33.

    Ruckus

    December 21, 2022 at 3:58 am

    @Steeplejack:

    Aleve (naproxen) does work very well for me as well, I take it with a prescription med, zolmitriptan for my migraines. Before these came along I just suffered. I hate migraines

    And John, sorry about all of this. Rest and sleep as best and as much as you can and take the medicine per docs orders. and get better. That’s an order soldier.

  34. 34.

    Argiope

    December 21, 2022 at 4:07 am

    I’m just so sorry. This is adding insult to injury and the FSM has a lot to answer for (dang her noodle appendages!). Know we’re all pulling for you to feel better fast. I can only imagine how you found the strength to even loop us in on this—probably had to sleep 3 hours afterwards. I had H1N1 when that was a thing back in 2009 and like many here, it was the sickest I’ve been. It takes a long time to get normal energy back after the flu so be gentle with yourself even after you think you’re better—between this and grief you are gonna need a lot of naps and will have to let sleep have its way with you. 2023 is gonna be a lot better, I just know it. You also got a formal strep test, right? Just making sure—there are some unlucky folks getting both at once. Hugs to you—I would love to start a cross state chicken soup run to your place but really hoping someone close by can whip up a batch and leave it on your porch. Adding fresh ginger and garlic and lemon juice makes it both extra healing and extra tasty.

  35. 35.

    Steeplejack

    December 21, 2022 at 4:12 am

    @opiejeanne:

    Maybe you remember it tasting so good because of the state you were in then.

  36. 36.

    Perilous

    December 21, 2022 at 4:16 am

    I’m gassy too?

  37. 37.

    Ruckus

    December 21, 2022 at 4:19 am

    @Steeplejack:

    I’ve had homemade chicken soup and it tasted absolutely nothing like commercial chicken soup. And I like chicken soup. But then anything and everything my great aunt made was amazing. Including zucchini flowers. Yes they can be eaten, yes they are very, very good.

  38. 38.

    David ⛄ 🎅The Establishment🎄 🦌 🕎 Koch

    December 21, 2022 at 4:26 am

    News outlets should use the word BANG instead of BREAKING.   Before that, 30 years ago, they would use BULLETIN and decades before that they would use FLASH.

  39. 39.

    David ⛄ 🎅The Establishment🎄 🦌 🕎 Koch

    December 21, 2022 at 4:31 am

    Speaking of BANG news, the SF Giants fans are about to wake up to Cole coal in their stocking – pending contract with Carlos Correa fell through and he was literally instantly signed by the Mets.

  40. 40.

    TriassicSands

    December 21, 2022 at 4:33 am

    Have I mentioned how awesome it is to have your doc, while evaulating [sic] you, remark “You look awful.”  — J. Cole

    That’s exactly what you want the doctor to say. She recognizes how bad you feel. The alternative: “You don’t look sick at all….” would be much worse. Or: “Is she saying I’m faking it? Can’t she see how sick I am?”

    Both 2022 and the flu will be over for you soon. Hang in there. [Note: If you think 2022 was bad…just wait until you see what 2023 has in store for us.]
    |

  41. 41.

    rikyrah

    December 21, 2022 at 4:38 am

    Feel better, Cole🙏🏾🙏🏾😷😷

  42. 42.

    TriassicSands

    December 21, 2022 at 4:46 am

    @Rebelsdad (fka texasboyshaun): Winter has barely even started.

    Technically, winter doesn’t officially start until 1:45 PM today.

    But, like you, I consider winter to start in either November or the first of December, because what we consider winter weather can begin then.

    So, we have to hold out now until the middle or end of March.

  43. 43.

    TriassicSands

    December 21, 2022 at 4:56 am

    @TriassicSands: Oops. Make that 1:47 PM.

    Oh, those critical 2 minutes!!!

  44. 44.

    something fabulous

    December 21, 2022 at 5:08 am

    Bleccch. I got nothin’ except I am still up also. I agree on All the Soups! (except cream-of ones! SO GROSS when sick!) Can someone(s) bring you some Hot and Sour from a Chinese restaurant? As a Jewish person I invoke the right of our people at this time of year for Chinese foods of all kinds as extra healing, per NotMax.:)

    Take it easy and gentle with yourself, in all the ways you can.

  45. 45.

    Dog Mom

    December 21, 2022 at 5:15 am

    Sage tea or sage in your soup . . .

  46. 46.

    satby

    December 21, 2022 at 5:34 am

    @Steeplejack: Agree, I get far better results from ibuprofen, aleve, or aspirin even. Tylenol is toxic to the liver and it’s in too much OTC medication. I avoid it as much as possible.

    It turned out I did not have pneumonia (yay), just acute bronchitis and (acute) exacerbated asthma. But the Dr. put me on pneumonia antibiotics as well as steroids and breathing treatments because my O2 was in the low 90%. After 24 hours on all the meds O2 is trending up and I’m feeling better, but it’ll take a while.

  47. 47.

    JAFD

    December 21, 2022 at 5:35 am

    Hot tea with honey and lemon ain’t a bad idea.
    Is shortest day of year.. Maybe a bit of seasonal depression hitting ?
    I hope you get better soon !

  48. 48.

    Nicole

    December 21, 2022 at 5:37 am

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with flu. I last had it over 15 years ago, but I still remember how awful I felt.  Physically unable to get out of bed.

    I agree about Tylenol. I’m on a low-level anticoagulant for a few years and it means I’m pretty much limited to acetaminophen for OTC pain medication and it doesn’t do squat. I really miss Aleve.

  49. 49.

    DCrefugee

    December 21, 2022 at 5:55 am

    Hang in there. Cole…

    Yes, 2022 sucks and cannot end quickly enough. My personal journey this year includes losing my high school girlfriend, plus a best friend, colleague and business partner. The then-current girlfriend overnight dumped me for her ex. Hurricane Ian cost me real money, and Nicole brought it all back in the form of PTSD. Then came Covid and something else I’m still trying to shake off.

    Everything I touched this year seemed to break, fail, blow up in my face or just come out wrong, which makes me afraid to even go to the bathroom…

    2023 has to be better, since it can’t be worse. See you on the other side, John.

  50. 50.

    UncleEbeneezer

    December 21, 2022 at 5:56 am

    So you’re saying it’s JUST THE FLU?  Seriously, this is another reason why that bullshit from Covid denialists always pissed me off.  The flu is fucking awful!  Rest and hydrate etc.  Feel better.  Lots of this stuff going around, it seems.

  51. 51.

    satby

    December 21, 2022 at 6:09 am

    @DCrefugee: Sorry you’ve been dealing with all that, too much for one person!

    2022 felt extra sucky because we were hoping for better after 2021.

  52. 52.

    Anyway

    December 21, 2022 at 6:14 am

    Another vote for chicken soup here. Can you get the Vietnamese restaurant you’ve mentioned before to deliver pho? It’s ideal in these situations.

    Feel better, John.

  53. 53.

    Elizabelle

    December 21, 2022 at 6:33 am

    FBJC.

    Feel better, John Cole.

  54. 54.

    HeartlandLiberal

    December 21, 2022 at 6:42 am

    If you have hydrocodone, take it for pain relief, and it also helps still the cough reflex. Not having had the flu or even a head cold in the past three years (I still wear a mask when in public mingling with strangers), I have not had to do it lately, but believe me, it helps.

    Get well, John Cole, the world needs you to make fun of periodically. And because you founded a website that has become a gathering place for like minded gentle souls.

  55. 55.

    brantl

    December 21, 2022 at 6:53 am

    Hope you feel better soon, Mr. C.

  56. 56.

    Suzanne

    December 21, 2022 at 6:59 am

    @Anyway:

    Can you get the Vietnamese restaurant you’ve mentioned before to deliver pho? It’s ideal in these situations.

     
    I second this. Feel better. Sleep it off. Can you get Tamiflu?

  57. 57.

    Betty Cracker

    December 21, 2022 at 7:06 am

    Ugh, a shitty end to a crap year. Hope you feel better soon!

  58. 58.

    SteveinPHX

    December 21, 2022 at 7:12 am

    Wishing you a speedy recovery. Flu ain’t fun.

  59. 59.

    Ohio Mom

    December 21, 2022 at 8:09 am

    The flu is the worst. I had it for a month back in the early 1990s and I will never forget how miserable I was.

    Like everyone else, I offer my sympathy and encouragement. It really is amazing that something so infinitesimally small can lay a human so low but it is also amazing that our immune system knows what to do and goes to it.

    Keep hydrating and hang in there.

  60. 60.

    The Lodger

    December 21, 2022 at 8:15 am

    Oh, Cole. Please, get up and do what you can to take care of yourself. Sometimes self-repair is the hardest thing.

  61. 61.

    Betty

    December 21, 2022 at 8:23 am

    @NotMax:  Chicken soup really is the best for colds, flus and even Covid.

  62. 62.

    Soprano2

    December 21, 2022 at 8:26 am

    So sorry you’re sick, it sucks to be sick during the holidays. One of my co-workers went home yesterday with a 101° fever, and she’s not here today. There’s so much awful crap going around, I feel fortunate that so far I haven’t gotten whatever my husband had two weeks ago.

  63. 63.

    SFAW

    December 21, 2022 at 8:26 am

    @David ⛄ 🎅The Establishment🎄 🦌 🕎 Koch: ​
    My daughter called/woke* me to tell me about the Correa signing. She was pumped. [As is her old pappy; she’s a Mets fan, although she’s never lived anywhere near New Yawk.]
    “Isn’t he a shortstop? What does that mean for Lindor? (Mets’ current SS)”
    “Correa can also play 3B”
    “What will they do with Escobar and Guillorme? (Mets’ current 3Bs)”
    I mean, it’s a great pickup, he’s a great player, but I have some loyalty to current players, curmudgeon that I am.

    * Not that kind of “woke,” you libtards.​​​​

  64. 64.

    Chief Oshkosh

    December 21, 2022 at 8:29 am

    @frosty: Many here are down on Tylenol. I was for years, too, as it didn’t do much for me. However, with advancing years have come new and interesting pains. I’m now aware of some (few) pains that are addressed by Tylenol in combination with ibuprofen (taken separated by a few hours).

  65. 65.

    SFAW

    December 21, 2022 at 8:33 am

    JHC, JGC! I’m thinking your parents might have actually named you “Job,” and the birth certificate got mis-transcribed.
    Rest, fluids, chicken soup, Sucrets (or equiv), and so forth.
    I hope you recover in time for Christmas.

  66. 66.

    RandomMonster

    December 21, 2022 at 8:42 am

    RandomMrs and I are getting over some kind of head cold. Woke up each night feeling like someone was strangling me. Eventually started using Nyquil twice a night, which really helped.

  67. 67.

    Fraud Guy

    December 21, 2022 at 8:44 am

    You remind me of the time I went to the dentist with what turned out to be a gum infection.  I opened my mouth and the first response was “EUUH!”

  68. 68.

    mardam

    December 21, 2022 at 8:47 am

    “Also, I am gassy….”

    Thanks for sharing, Cole. Get well soon. And blame it on the animals.

  69. 69.

    RandomMonster

    December 21, 2022 at 8:48 am

    Also, if you have a Chinese place that does hot and sour soup, it’s highly recommended. Get better soon!

  70. 70.

    Mai Naem mobile

    December 21, 2022 at 8:51 am

    Sorry John for your shitty ending to the year. I am a big believer in gatorade/powerade/pedialyte when you’re sick like this. Also didn’t see anybody else suggest Vicks for the chest congestion. Sometimes the old stuff works well.

  71. 71.

    J R in WV

    December 21, 2022 at 8:54 am

    Cole, Sorry to hear you are sick… ddetails really suck

    This time tomorrow I will be in out-patient surgery for a bladder procedure to remove a cancerous spot on my bladder wall. Also am pretty much incontinent because of a lumbar disc out of position, causing a spinal stenosis. Is also miserable. Tylenol also does nothing for me, a waste of good liver cells to take it for no detectable effect…

    You all think good thoughts for me tomorrow, please. I’m thinking good thoughts for you Cole.

    Second/third the pho advice, that’s some good soup !!!

  72. 72.

    artem1s

    December 21, 2022 at 8:58 am

    @Anyway: ​
     

    Another vote for chicken soup here. Can you get the Vietnamese restaurant you’ve mentioned before to deliver pho? It’s ideal in these situations.

    thirded. when I had COVID and no appetite, I went looking for someplace that would deliver the equivalent of chicken soup which was the only thing that sounded eatable at the time. The Thai noodle place I found delivers the broth separate from all the fixings. And you can order just broth if you want it. It’s become my second favorite place to order delivery from (local pizza place will always be #1).

  73. 73.

    NYCMT

    December 21, 2022 at 9:00 am

    20 years ago I had flu that turned into double-barreled upper lobe pneumonia that almost killed me and took sixty pounds off my 46 regular frame, so watch yourself very very carefully. Get people to check on you every hour.

    This year, my younger boy traveled that road  thanksgiving week and then I picked up his post-influenza pneumonia three weeks ago.

  74. 74.

    Downpuppy

    December 21, 2022 at 9:02 am

    @Chief Oshkosh: When I was flat on my back with neck pain, alternating acetaminophen with ibuprofen, at the suggestion of a discharge nurse, both at max doses, got me upright (more or less) in a day or so.

  75. 75.

    Raoul Paste

    December 21, 2022 at 9:17 am

    The best part is the little zinger at the end. “Also I am gassy“.   Well done.
    Best wishes for your quick recovery

  76. 76.

    Tom Levenson

    December 21, 2022 at 9:20 am

    What everybody said about clear soups. and feel better.

    2023 will bring its own eldritch horrors, but I too will be glad to see the back of 2022.

  77. 77.

    Ella in New Mexico

    December 21, 2022 at 9:33 am

    Poor John, you really got the whole Monty didn’t you? I’m finding that unless there’s a contraindication for you that high dose (600-800mg)  ibuprofen works better for the throat pain than Tylenol, FYI.

    The flu this year is really bad. Classic high fever, head and body aches, hellacious sore throat, sinuses plugged, coughing, weakness.

    And there’s a shortage of Tamiflu, so with only a two day window after onset of symptoms most patients are going without it.

    Everybody who can get one, get your flu shot this year. It’s being shown to have an unususally good match for this year’s viral makeup and can reduce the severity of the symptoms if you catch it.

  78. 78.

    Ohio Mom

    December 21, 2022 at 9:34 am

    @J R in WV: Oh dear, what a combo of medical conditions. And IIRC, didn’t your wife also have a spine issue and surgery fairly recently? That’s a lot for both of you.

    Crossing my fingers and toes, wishing you luck, sending good thoughts for a successful, complication-free surgery tomorrow and a fast and complete recovery.

    And hoping for whatever resolution
    is possible for your spine, I don’t know much about spinal conditions (yet, my time may very well come) but I know they can be fraught.

    We are all pulling for you. Please update us when you can to let us know how the surgery went.

  79. 79.

    Cal

    December 21, 2022 at 9:40 am

    @Steeplejack: You are, in fact, correct. Genetics can greatly affect how you metabolize a drug. Its the entire point of precision medicine and pharmacogenomics. Dunno about acetaminophen specifically since I’m not an actual expert, I just make the computer do what the pharmacists say it needs to do. NSAIDS (like ibuprofen and naproxen) on the other hand, I know are affected by genetic variation since that’s part of one of my current projects.

  80. 80.

    cintibud

    December 21, 2022 at 9:42 am

    Shit. Get better soon John!

  81. 81.

    The Moar You Know

    December 21, 2022 at 9:59 am

    Have I mentioned how awesome it is to have your doc, while evaluating you, remark “You look awful.”

    When I came to after my second (emergency) colon surgery last year (the first one went bad with a leak) I asked the nurse how I was doing.  She said “you are very, very sick”.   At that point I started to get pretty concerned.  I probably should have been more concerned, but, hydromorphone does take the edge off.

    A few minutes after that I discovered I was attached to a colostomy bag.  My concern then definitely hit Susan Collins Furrowed Brow levels in spite of the good shit I was getting in the IV.

    2022 has been a cakewalk by comparison.  Not one surgery all year.  My last (unused) colostomy bag is in a picture frame on the wall of our living room, as a reminder that things can get much worse.  They reversed that too.  That was a bit of a gamble but I did not like being glued to a poop bag.

  82. 82.

    opiejeanne

    December 21, 2022 at 10:05 am

    @Steeplejack: That thought has occurred to me.

    I wonder if he used a whole lot more garlic than called for.

  83. 83.

    Fake Irishman

    December 21, 2022 at 10:07 am

    @Alison Rose:

    Agreed on the rotating tags!

    a sampling:

    “Also, I’m gassy.”

    ”…, the chloroseptic spray for the back of your throat that you can never get to spray in the right place”

    ”…chills, the shits, exhaustion, aches, pains, congestion, the works”

    “‘You look awful’ I mean, she said it with sympathy, but still.”

    ”I give the finger to everyone and everything”

    Feel better Mr.Cole! (And thanks for sharing the moderately shitty parts of life with your usual wit and grace.)

  84. 84.

    Other MJS

    December 21, 2022 at 10:14 am

    So sorry for you! Argiope’s “adding insult to injury” sums it up. Get well soon!

  85. 85.

    Sasha

    December 21, 2022 at 10:15 am

    Got a tooth extraction this month and the eventual implant and crown will clean me out.

    2022 wasn’t *that* bad, but it could have done better.

  86. 86.

    sab

    December 21, 2022 at 10:16 am

    @The Moar You Know: Sounds like my husband’s back surgery. He almost died, but every medical professional around him was ho-hum about his incision for almost a week.

  87. 87.

    Uncle Cosmo

    December 21, 2022 at 10:16 am

    @West of the Rockies: They still make Sucrets?! Does it still come in a little tin?

    I bumbled about the Net for a few minutes searching for the quintessential Sucrets commercial – until I realized it was in fact for Isodettes, which I spoze no longer exist.

    Cue waist up shot of vampire (played by actor Adam [???]) in full evening dress. In a drastically over-the-casket-top Transylvanian accent he speaks:

    Good evening! I am Count Sorethroatpain! I’m gonta give you a sore throat!

    Go ahead, drink lemon juice! Eat chicken soup! It von’t help!

    But please, don’t use Isodettes! These antibacterial lozenges contain benzocaine, a local anaesthetic. When you take one, it relieves the pain of minor sore throat irritation.

    So please, don’t  use Isodettes! It’s like driving a stake into my heart!

    At least 50 years since I last saw that ad, and I can reproduce it (minus evening garb but with a passable accent**) almost flawlessly. Astounding what one discovers in the dustballs and cobwebs of memory’s musty attic…

    ** Which when my brother’s kids were young made me the most popular uncle during every October, and a fambly embarrassment every other month of the year…8^0)​

  88. 88.

    leeleeFL

    December 21, 2022 at 10:19 am

    Hoping you feel much better soon, Cole!  The flu sucks in the best of scenarios, but this last few weeks have been far too difficult and draining for you and all your family!  I swear by hot reg tea, honey and lemon, and maybe just maybe, some cinnamon toast no butter.    Mom gave us cola and pretzels!  Swore it made you better overnight!  As someone already mentioned, “It Couldn’t Hoit!”

    All my best vibes to you!

  89. 89.

    Other MJS

    December 21, 2022 at 10:20 am

    @TriassicSands: ​ “Meteorological winter” is officially considered to be December through February. Even though the days will be getting longer now, we continue to lose heat faster than we gain it, so January is the coldest month.​

  90. 90.

    Uncle Cosmo

    December 21, 2022 at 10:22 am

    @Betty: ​I prefer Chinese penicillin: Hot & sour soup, the hotter & sourer the better. Going to scrounge up a big bowl of same in takeout today to attack the residual congestion and cough of a flu or bad cold I came down with Monday a week.

  91. 91.

    sab

    December 21, 2022 at 10:36 am

    Also too. My husband and I have been banking at the same bank for 50+ years and last year they decided deposit slips were unneccesary. This year they have lost two deposits. First time ever. I used to mail paychecks from California and they always got there. Then two lost this year when we made them at the bank.

    Last time they were helpful. This time not so much.

    Fortunately I have a very sizeable trust account so I can threaten to pull the whole thing if they don’t fix this. What do normal people do? I am incandescent with rage now. Huntington Bank really sucks.

  92. 92.

    Old School

    December 21, 2022 at 10:43 am

    @Uncle Cosmo:

    At least 50 years since I last saw that ad.

    Here you go.  (Actor was Adam Keefe.)

  93. 93.

    frosty

    December 21, 2022 at 10:50 am

    @Ella in New Mexico: Ibuprofen contraindication: if you’re a guy one of the side effects has to do with the prostate. I found out if you’re taking a high dosage, stay CLOSE to a bathroom. That’s why I take Aleve instead of Advil now.

  94. 94.

    TaMara

    December 21, 2022 at 10:51 am

    @Cal: That is fascinating. I need very little of any medication – DRs always tell me they give me the baby dose after trial and error.

    Also – same with liquor – I metabolize it weirdly, so I don’t drink.

    This is also true with my dad – we clearly have the same issues with meds and alcohol.

  95. 95.

    sab

    December 21, 2022 at 11:11 am

    @sab: So the trust department fixed it. Apparently my husband and some other customer have the same name. Except the check was made out to me not him, and I am certain that that Tim did not have a wife with my name so how could that check with my name be deposited into a account with nobody with my name on it?

    21st century banking: a bunch of extremely overpaid idiots with absolutely no competence. They think they are competent because otherwise why would they get paid so much

    ETA I know the tellers are paid abysmaly, but what about the bank manager we talked to who could do nothing.

  96. 96.

    Mo Salad

    December 21, 2022 at 11:38 am

    Ginger Beer, not ale, the stronger, the better.

    Something like Reed’s Ginger Beer – Strongest.

  97. 97.

    PeteS

    December 21, 2022 at 11:40 am

    @mvr: As a lurker since the universe was young who at least skims almost every day but very rarely comments, May I first second (and third, etc) mvr’s sentiment, and also add that grouchy Cole has been a stalwart of the interwebtubes since the dinosaurs and it always warms the cockles of my old heart to read him.

  98. 98.

    Ohio Mom

    December 21, 2022 at 11:48 am

    @sab: From now on, photograph  the check sliding into the teller’s hand? You will have to ask the teller to help you by posing just right.

    That’s all I got. Good luck with the bank getting them to track down that deposit.

    ETA: I see all was resolved. Good.

  99. 99.

    JustRuss

    December 21, 2022 at 11:58 am

    @West of the Rockies: They do, and still in the tin!  But they’re no longer individually wrapped in foil, which was a bit disappointing.

  100. 100.

    Kelly

    December 21, 2022 at 12:06 pm

    Just the flu…

    The flu totally blew up my junior year at college. I had two fall/winter/spring sequence courses that were absolutely core to my major. The flu took me out early winter term and I had to wait until the next year to get back on board.

    I find acetaminophen(Tylenol) in combination with good old fashioned aspirin more effective than either alone.

  101. 101.

    trollhattan

    December 21, 2022 at 12:11 pm

    I know how to make Cole’s day even worse. Franco Harris r.i.p.

    Being a Stiller fan and all.

    Get better, big guy.

  102. 102.

    Bort

    December 21, 2022 at 12:12 pm

    My favorite saying is “Good health is all it’s cracked up to be”.  Hope you feel better soon.

  103. 103.

    KenK

    December 21, 2022 at 12:13 pm

    Glad to see that your illness hasn’t dampened your spirits, John.

  104. 104.

    dnfree

    December 21, 2022 at 12:15 pm

    @West of the Rockies: The last time we looked for Sucrets, a couple of years ago, they were nowhere to be found, even online.  John’s might be really past their use-by date, unless they’ve been reissued.

    ETA I just did a search, and apparently they’re back!

  105. 105.

    RaflW

    December 21, 2022 at 12:17 pm

    @Steeplejack: I think you’re right about NSAIDS and different body types (humors, as they used to say a couple centuries ago).

    Naproxen does squat for me. My goto is Ibuprofen + acetaminophen if it’s really rough.

  106. 106.

    dnfree

    December 21, 2022 at 12:25 pm

    @Fraud Guy: I once had a dermatologist tell me in an astonished tone that he’d never seen so many moles on someone’s back.  That was reassuring.

  107. 107.

    sab

    December 21, 2022 at 12:39 pm

    @Ohio Mom: Trust department says to write the account number on the check with the endorsement. I will from now on.

  108. 108.

    Tenar Arha

    December 21, 2022 at 12:43 pm

    Hey John, hope you feel better soon, meanwhile, here’s an obligatory F-2020 to sing F-2022 to ;)

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qZj8lrSZHsE

  109. 109.

    buggrit

    December 21, 2022 at 12:53 pm

    Coming to a dead thread to second the sage tea recommendation. It takes the soreness away. BTW, Ricola has sage in it.

  110. 110.

    dr. luba

    December 21, 2022 at 1:02 pm

    Chloraseptic is a miracle drug.  I used to take many bottles of it to summer camp, as kids always got sore throats there. (Kids coming from all around the country to share germs….lots of URIs and GI bugs.)

    The kids would voluntarily show up at my little clinic several times a day and line up to get their throats sprayed.  It is that good.

  111. 111.

    Ann Marie

    December 21, 2022 at 2:10 pm

    I try to avoid NSAIDs because of my asthma and high blood pressure, but when I had Covid I took both Tylenol and Aleve and that really helped.

  112. 112.

    Ruckus

    December 21, 2022 at 2:11 pm

    @Sasha:

    I had to have a prior root canal/crown replaced and my local dentist told me $4000. I went to UCLA dental school, the faculty clinic and it cost me a total of just under $2500. The advanced student price would have been less. If you aren’t around UCLA maybe there is a dental school around you with the same/similar set up. Still a bit of money but it turned out the dude who did the original had broken off the tip of a tool and the area was infected. Also the work the dentist did is as good or better than I’ve had in my 7 decades of dental work.

  113. 113.

    Fraud Guy

    December 21, 2022 at 3:08 pm

    @dnfree:

    Any relation to Larry the Cable guy?
    https://youtu.be/G3hHekijqLs

  114. 114.

    dnfree

    December 21, 2022 at 3:11 pm

    @Fraud Guy: It has its downsides.  Like melanoma in my early 50s.  First mole I had removed was in sixth grade.

    ETA I’m fortunately still around in my 70s, and most of the moles are gone, replaced by other skin conditions.

  115. 115.

    Juju

    December 21, 2022 at 4:10 pm

    Tylenol is useless and over use can damage your liver. Ibuprofen or Aleve is a better choice, though Aleve can cause gastrointestinal distress, which it does for me, so I can’t take it. My brother, a physician, does not recommend Tylenol at all.

Comments are closed.

Primary Sidebar

🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

2023 Pet Calendars

Pet Calendar Preview: A
Pet Calendar Preview: B

*Calendars can not be ordered until Cafe Press gets their calendar paper in.

Recent Comments

  • opiejeanne on Entertainment Open Thread: Happy Birthday, Mr. Hackman! (Jan 31, 2023 @ 3:55am)
  • Brachiator on Entertainment Open Thread: Happy Birthday, Mr. Hackman! (Jan 31, 2023 @ 3:31am)
  • Chetan Murthy on War for Ukraine Day 340: Just a Brief Update Tonight (Jan 31, 2023 @ 3:26am)
  • AlaskaReader on Entertainment Open Thread: Happy Birthday, Mr. Hackman! (Jan 31, 2023 @ 3:26am)
  • David ⛄ 🎅The Establishment🎄 🦌 🕎 Koch on Entertainment Open Thread: Happy Birthday, Mr. Hackman! (Jan 31, 2023 @ 3:07am)

Balloon Juice Posts

View by Topic
View by Author
View by Month & Year
View by Past Author

Featuring

Medium Cool
Artists in Our Midst
Authors in Our Midst
We All Need A Little Kindness
Favorite Dogs & Cats
Classified Documents: A Primer

Calling All Jackals

Site Feedback
Nominate a Rotating Tag
Submit Photos to On the Road
Balloon Juice Mailing List Signup

Front-pager Twitter

John Cole
DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
Betty Cracker
Tom Levenson
TaMara
David Anderson
ActualCitizensUnited

Shop Amazon via this link to support Balloon Juice   

Join the Fight!

Join the Fight Signup Form
All Join the Fight Posts

Balloon Juice Events

5/14  The Apocalypse
5/20  Home Away from Home
5/29  We’re Back, Baby
7/21  Merging!

Balloon Juice for Ukraine

Donate

Site Footer

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Comment Policy
  • Our Authors
  • Blogroll
  • Our Artists
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!