Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Prediction: the GOP will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Consistently wrong since 2002

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Nothing worth doing is easy.

We still have time to mess this up!

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Dispatches From the Virus Bunker

Dispatches From the Virus Bunker

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This post is in: 

In anticipation of the bomb cyclone that is supposed to hit the region, the stray cat/possum/random critter safe house has been constructed and deployed:

Dispatches From the Virus Bunker

I’ve got some kibble and water out there, too, and it has a nice warm bed in it. Not that we will need it, because once again the snow gods are fucking with me:

Dispatches From the Virus Bunker 1

There is nothing I want more than the bomb cyclone to hit and dump snow all the fuck over me. I am ready for the challenge. I am ready to go full caveman. I can take whatever the fuck you throw at me, just bring it. I feel like Lt. Dan hanging on to the sails at this point:

Bring it, you fucker. Try me.

***

So we have officially entered day two of the covid diagnosis, and I have had three doses of the anti-retroviral, and man were you all right about the bad taste associated with paxlovid. It’s uniquely awful and unlike anything I have ever had before- my mouth tastes like I chewed advil and washed it down with bitter unsweetened grapefruit juice past its prime, and not that ruby red grapefruit sugar water you bitches drink these days. I’m talking the shit that came in a can in the early 80’s that put hair on your chest whether you wanted it or not. The old Juice Bowl stuff that came with the detachable tab that you could use to choke yourself instead of finishing your juice while being threatened with a wooden spoon. Fucking horrendous. I’ve fought it back with a strict regimen of cinnamon gum.

As far as to whether the drugs are working, here is how I feel- everything I had yesterday is still here, just a little less of it, and I also have a shitty taste in my mouth and an irritable bowel on a hair trigger. So… progress?

***

I am officially over everyone telling me to eat. Fuck off. I’m morbidly obese, I know how to feed myself. It’s not like I forgot. I’m just not hungry. Since Tammy died I’ve had not much of an appetite, and lost 12-15 lbs, but I am not starving to death. Literally the least of my fucking concerns. I could lose fifty lbs and my doctor wouldn’t flinch and would tell me “that’s a good start!”

Fer fuck’s sake- y’all have seen pictures of me. I’m fucking built for a nuclear winter. I’m the human equivalent of a fallout shelter. You skinny cunts will be dead from the famine in a month or so, but my fat ass will be around to plant the next seasons crops, tend them, and harvest them. But hey, you’ll always have your bikini pics on instagram.

***

Mentally, I am also fine. I’ve entered the gallows humor stage of 2022, and honestly have no fucks left to give. As a veteran and Gen Xer, I can tell you that right now I have trained for this my entire life, and my mood can be described as “Really? What-the-fuck-ever” as I go on about my business.

I hope everthing is ok with you guys, though. You’/ll just have to roll with the typos in this post because I’m not proofing it and I don’t fucking care. Peace out.

Reader Interactions

107Comments

  1. 1.

    zhena gogolia

    I’m sorry — I didn’t hear about the Covid diagnosis. I thought it was flu.

    I’ve had bronchitis since 12/9 and it doesn’t want to go away.

  2. 2.

    jimbales

    “man were you all right about the bad taste associated with paxlovid. It’s uniquely awful and unlike anything I have ever had before”

    Yeah, it’s downright nasty. But, I got better, so (as I, too, am a morbidly obese guy, albeit civilian and boomer), I was happy to take the bad taste instead of a ventilator!

    Hope you feel at least a bit better every day

    Jim

  3. 3.

    Starfish

    This is the type of orneriness that this blog was built upon:

    You skinny cunts will be dead from the famine in a month or so, but my fat ass will be around to plant the next seasons crops, tend them, and harvest them. But hey, you’ll always have your bikini pics on instagram.

  5. 5.

    Shana

    Oh John, flu and covid and the crappy taste in your mouth, I’m sorry you’re going through all of this on top of mournring Tammy. Frankly, I’m with you on looking forward to a day or so of being stuck at home, although we’re only going to have frozen roads for most of Friday, much much better than most of the country. I hope you recover quickly and your symptoms continue to improve.

  6. 6.

    Starfish

    I was admiring the orneriness of a John Cole post by quoting the post itself, and I think I am in moderation for whatever it is that John said. 😂

  9. 9.

    The Moar You Know

    The wooden spoon.  Fucking A man.

    My first babysitting job was the neighbors “hyperactive” (read psychopath) kid.  As they were leaving dad said if he starts fucking around just threaten him with the wooden spoon.  I was ten, and considered myself civilized, and there was no way I was going to threaten a three year old with a wooden spoon.

    It took four minutes.

  13. 13.

    UncleEbeneezer

    Nice cat bunker!  But if your cat(s) are anything like us, be ready for them to completely ignore all your hard work and do everything possible to avoid using it for several weeks, lol.  Feel better.

  14. 14.

    trollhattan

    She-ee-utt, did not know you snagged the ‘rona, John Cole. Blessings upon you and your immune system and your many vaccines (so say we all). Kick its ass.

    Hydration. That’s it. Eat or don’t eat, just make sure you’re pissing regular like and consider something like Gatorade occasionally. I’m basically with Lt. Dan, ride this sucker out and merry fucking Christmas.

    Last flu I had was Christmas Day many years back and we were hosting everyone and I was responsible for Smoking That Turkey. Which I did by scurrying out intermittently to, light the egg, put on the bird, feed the coals and wood chunks and, eventually, holler “It’s done” at which point I returned to bed for the final time that day. Did not get near or speak to anybody. Merry fucked Christmas.

    Anyhoo, after that I decided my flu vaccine hesitation was stupid and I have had one every year since and zero flues.

    The end.

  16. 16.

    different-church-lady

    As far as to whether the drugs are working…

    I would think the verbiage of the previous paragraph would answer that question.

  18. 18.

    Chetan Murthy

    John, so glad to hear you got the Pax, and that at least things are getting slowly better.  You’ve done everything you can to make this as gentle an illness as possible: the rest is up to history,  genetics, and the randomness of life.  Get better soon, and thank you for your curmudgeonly posts in the meanwhile!

  20. 20.

    Poe Larity

    Wishing you the happiest of courtesy cyclone bombs.

    And when you drop off for a couple weeks we can enjoy the livestream of the gofundme Jackal Rescue Team Six digging you out.

  23. 23.

    Betsy

    I admire your spirit.  And I know that’s  the most flipping annoying thing anybody could possibly say right now.

  24. 24.

    Wyatt Salamanca

    Per Alex Wagner

    The Jan 6 report is finally out! Hallelujah

    John, thanks for another year of great posts and get well soon!

  25. 25.

    Rebelsdad (fka texasboyshaun)

    As a fellow fatass, your posts had me screaming in laughter! I actually eat healthier food, and smaller portions, than I did 10-15 years ago. Maybe my body is holding on the weight because I’m now in my mid-40s, or maybe it’s because I come from a loooong line of poor English peasants so my body is in constant Oliver Twist mode.

    I hope you get better quickly, John.

  26. 26.

    Betsy

    @Starfish: Ornery.  That is EXACTLY the word.  John does ORNERY better than anyone.

    And to me it’s always pronounced “ONN-er-ee” cause that’s how my granny said it.

  27. 27.

    Tom Levenson

    This may not be the John Cole America though it wanted, but it damn well is the John Cole America needs.

    Feel better, blogfather.

  28. 28.

    Redshift

    Yeah, Ms. Redshift had the bad taste from Pax, and was quite relieved to find out it was a known effect and not a covid symptom or something else. Still a pain to deal with. From her description, I’m thinking it was not quite as nasty for her. Hope it starts to knock down some of the other symptoms soon.

  29. 29.

    wombat probabilty cloud

    John, very glad you are healing. However, if you experience a reduction of orneriness, call your doc at once!

  30. 30.

    cmorenc

    @John Cole:

    I am sick too, but fortunately just with the kind of kiddie crud cold your young grandkids contract at kindergarten or day care and then share with you while snuggling up to you while they are infectious, but not yet symptomatic.  Only very mild congestion, but with the kind of low-energy fatigue that makes it hard to do anything more ambitious than sit in a chair or bed and do nothing but sip tea and OTC meds, and maybe surfing the internet for 10 minutes before giving up and closing the laptop, which is exactly what I am imminently going to do.  But of course my grandkids can find me and demand to be read stories, and I am barely up to reading “Goodnight Moon” to my 2yo grandson, and immediately thereafter went to bed and closed the door.

  32. 32.

    Betsy

    I’m in a hole, so why not keep digging?:  John, losing a lot of weight really fast can give you real problems including causing gallstones.  It happened to me after a major surgery when I had a very limited appetite. I thought I was “winning” by shedding weight so fast.  Nuh-uh.

    Just take care of yourself.  That’s all.

  33. 33.

    satby

    @TaMara: took the words right out of my mouth  thoughts.

    Edit: which is just as well you said it, because I have laryngitis from all the coughing and can’t talk anyway. This may not make sense…

    Did I mention all the drugs?

  34. 34.

    BellyCat

    Hoping the NFLTG attitude sticks around post-recovery. Let’s hear it for Musk’s one good move… getting you (Cole) to rant more frequently on your own damn blog again.

  38. 38.

    dexwood

    I love you, Cole. Don’t stop making this world a more honest, better place. Get well, but don’t cuddle ‘possums.

  42. 42.

    Ken

    Considering how 2022 has been going for you, John, take care with the varmint house. Your guest might be a skunk.

    Hoping 2023 is a better year for you, and for all of us.

  44. 44.

    Tim C.

    Love the mat outside your door man!

    Your post about how bad we are at accepting other people’s pain was a hard truth.   Mostly, those of us who try to be “good people”  are pretty bad at accepting we can’t fix things and fix them in a hurry.   No easy solutions.

    But we care.

  53. 53.

    Jharp

    After 5 jabs and extreme caution I finally caught Covid.

    Was sick for about 12 days and had pretty much all of the symptoms.

    The one thing that helped me I believe  was taking a long walk on one of the days I felt like utter dogshit.

  58. 58.

    CaseyL

    What @TaMara: said, seconded.

    You do NFLTG Rage better than anyone else I know, and can certainly turn a phrase.  Old fashioned grapefruit juice, oh the memories (I switched to ruby red immediately upon finding out it existed, though cannot now have any grapefruit juice at all because I’m on medications it doesn’t play well with).

    I don’t now WTF is going on, but nearly everyone I know is sick, and their relatives are sick, and I mean in-the-hospital sick; and no one is going anywhere for Christmas because not only is everyone sick, the weather is utterly awful. Snow, freezing rain, or monsoon: take your pick of what to subject yourself to driving through.

    2022 wants to kick us all in the junk on its way out. I’m inclined to not leave the house at all until it’s gone.  Just in case.

    ETA: I love that weather map, little ol WV sitting pretty in a tiny divot, a little loop of No Cyclone Bomb.  Wouldn’t trust it, though.

  60. 60.

    SuzieC

    Not telling you to eat Cole but drink copious amounts of water.  When I had covid recently. although vacced and boosted, I had a dry, hacking cough.  After 4 or 5 large glasses of water per day the cough loosened, I was able to expel mucus, and covid was over.

  62. 62.

    Raoul Paste

    Well, you seem feisty enough.  Your gallows humour worked on me —- I was laughing out loud.  But honestly, I admire the toughness.  Every hero’s journey includes an ordeal, right?

  64. 64.

    Steeplejack

    @trollhattan:

    Friends in Atlanta just sent me a security cam photo of a possum going into their feral cat shelter under their back deck. Currently 44° there, going down to 19° by morning.

  66. 66.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @HumboldtBlue: I was wondering how long they’d been there

    But in the coming days, the storied academy will take down a portrait of Lee dressed in his Confederate uniform from its library, where it has been hanging since the 1950s and place it in storage. […]

    But the oversized plaques, dedicated in 1965, not only featured Lee and other supporters of the Confederacy but an image of an armed man in a hood, with “Ku Klux Klan” written below. [196-fucking-5?!?! J, FL]

    It was not until the early 1930s when West Point began installing Confederate memorials, the commission noted, saying it did so under pressure from the revisionist “Lost Cause” movement

  67. 67.

    Seefleur

    Indeed, peace out to you John Cole. Life is full of weird and awful and sometimes awesome shit. All we can do is roll with it, and do our best to turn that awful paxlovid-taste into lemonade.  Thanks for all the sharing that you do, and for all the sharing that the BJ jackals do. It’s always nice to know that others are in the same bizarre boat – it’s kinda like we’re pfds (personal flotation devices) for each other, whether we want to be or not. Carry on! And Happy/Merry holidays to allayouse!

  69. 69.

    Sister Golden Bear

    As a fellow Gen Xer, John, I’ll go make some PB&Js and Tang in your honor. We were born and bred to be just fine fending for ourselves in an otherwise empty house.

    BTW, Gen X Santa doesn’t give a fuck what you want for Christmas, you’re all getting lawn darts and Atari 2600s.

  70. 70.

    Park Pgirl

    I can’t wait for something wild and rabid to start homesteading on your porch.  Knowing your luck it will be an unemployed raccoon dodging a child support rap that throws late night parties with unscrupulous squirrels and runs numbers.  Live stream that shit.

  73. 73.

    BigJimSlade

    Am I the only one joining him in rooting for bomb cyclones? Well, I’m in Los Angeles. I’m not rooting for them… here. (honestly, I hope everyone is safe out there.)

  74. 74.

    BigJimSlade

    HEY JOHN, I responded to your last post, but I’m afraid – very afraid – that you didn’t see it. Go check it out. Or just google and BLAST Cheap Sunglasses by ZZ Top. Because you had those sunglasses on, and that’s what I posted. ZZ Top got some things right in the 70s.

  75. 75.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Park Pgirl: ​Knowing your luck it will be an unemployed raccoon dodging a child support rap that throws late night parties with unscrupulous squirrels and runs numbers.

    You seem to know a suspiciously large amount of information about WV wildlife. Would you care to explain yourself?

  76. 76.

    JAFD

    @cmorenc: Got that crud, too.  With the short days, feel like hibernating.

    Renovations almost finished, have moved back into my apartment.  Surrounded by boxes needing unpacking, furniture that could be put back together if I could find the screws – and the screwdrivers.

    If you’re trying to seal up drafty windowframes etc, is firm – TapeProviders.com – which has duct tape up to 6″ wide.

    Hoping all youse jackals have a safe and joyful holiday season.

    Mr. Cole, hoping you will feel lots better very soon !

  80. 80.

    TiredOfItAll

    John, friends have said that something that helps with the horrible Paxlovid taste are Red Hots, Fireballs, Hot Tamales or whatever they call hot cinnamon candies in your neck of the woods.  Passing that on for what it’s worth.  Love the no-fucks-to-give attitude.  Kind of reminds me of a great poem by Lewis Buzbee called “Sunday, Tarzan in His Hammock”.  Sometimes even the king of the jungle needs a break and has to say, “Let the world take care of itself, let the world eat the world.” This mostly-lurker is sending you good vibes.  And, yeah, what others have said about hydrating.

  82. 82.

    Elizabelle

    Feel better, Cole.

    I really like the possum guest house, and the Trump door mat

    We must be kinder to our possum and wildlife friends.  Trump, not so much.

  84. 84.

    mrmoshpotato

    @scav: I thought of the rotating tag that thankfully came up: “But frankly Mr. Cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.”

  87. 87.

    karen marie

    Dear John Cole:

    You’re a dream boat.

    @CaseyL:  I read the other day that covid fucks with your immune system so you’re more vulnerable to other viruses.

  89. 89.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    I hope you get better soon, old man. You have more grumping to do and an audience who likes your grumps.

  91. 91.

    Paul in Jacksonville

    You think paxlovid tastes bad? Someone from Chicago needs to send Cole a bottle of Malort.

  93. 93.

    Searcher

    I got a Paxlovid rebound, but it was milder than the initial run of my infection.  Initial run had a 102 fever and total shit feeling, which disappeared after a few days of Paxlovid, second run had a 99F and a runny nose.

    Of all the things there are to hate about Covid, I really don’t love that it’s literally a cold, and then 1% of the time you die.  Great way to make me paranoid about every other case of the sniffles I ever get.  At least make my eyeballs bleed or something so I can calibrate how freaked out I need to be correctly.

  96. 96.

    Kristine

    Sounding a bit like The Old Cole. Wish I could send you NE Illinois’ honking winds and -32F wind chill but you’d probably complain about the lack of snow. Hope the Pav helps.

  97. 97.

    Rileys Enabler

    Righteous rant, JC. Enjoyed every moment and a fitting middle finger to the end of this craptastic year. Kid brought COVID home from college (he tested negative before getting on the plane; apparently this strain takes its own sweet time showing up on the tests), and now his dad has it. Pharmacy won’t give them Paxlovid because they are under 50 and in good health. So another damn COVID Christmas lined up.  2022 – while not as horrific as 2020- can bite me.  Let’s go, 2023. Whatcha got?

  103. 103.

    Jill

    @Redshift: I had the grapefruit pax mouth too but with delightful overtones of rusty nail. And the relapse rate from pax is 100% no matter what they say. It did work tho

  105. 105.

    StringOnAStick

    Maybe we should think of Paxlovid as a drug that knocks Covid back before it gets overwhelming, giving your body a chance to hear up and handle the rebound phase.

    I heard from an MD friend that there is now a drug that effectively treats Ebola, like really well.  She was joking that the drug her group developed lost to this one for some award, but hey, losing to a drug that treats a disease as bad as Ebola is pretty easy to take.  You know, doctor humor.

  106. 106.

    Andrya

    Wishing you a speedy recovery…

    I have two outdoor cat houses in my backyard- I feed two (fixed) feral cats.  In cold weather, I augment the cat houses with microwavable heat discs.  If you are so inclined, they are available online, so no need to go anywhere.

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