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You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Well It’s Cold as Shit and I’m Still in a Mood

Well It’s Cold as Shit and I’m Still in a Mood

by John Cole|  December 23, 20229:22 pm| 113 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

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Happy Festivus. I’ve decided this year has sucked enough that I will be airing grievances slowly, one at a time, until next Festivus, doling them out carefully like a charming little bed mint on the pillow at a nice hotel.

Today started out lovely, slept in until 10 am drugged on a witch’s brew of pharmaceuticals. Alas, they were all legally prescribed because I am as old as fuck and don’t think I have the heart for cocaine anymore and definitely have too much trauma packed down to be fucking around with psychedelics. Things are shitty enough without unleashing THAT emotional kraken.

Turned the water on in the shower, let it heat up for a bit, and started to lather the hair with shampoo and the power went out. Just sat down on my shower stool for olds for a while and had a laugh/cry. Finished showering, weighed my options, and decided I would go sit in the car and charge my phone and figure out my life.

Called the Mayor, and she said the power was supposed to be back on at 2:30, so I decided I would go to town and get a hot tea at some drive through, and then just sit in the car somewhere until the power came on. Ended up driving around long enough to drink two teas, got home at 2:20, and the power was still off.

In the 2+ hours I had been gone, Thurston went total lord of the fucking flies and knocked over the kitchen trash can and pulled out all the old cat food tins and everything else and licked them and everything else smelly clean and then deposited them all over the god damned house. Guess he thought this was the end and he wanted to get fortified for the famine. Dog is absolute shit in a crisis.

Also, his food bowl was full.

Decided the best course of action was to get in bed, as the house was now down to 43 degrees, so I piled a bunch of blankets on top of myself and just lay there until the power came on a couple hours later. House got down to 38, but the furnace has been running non stop and we are back up to 63.

As I said above, it’s cold as shit, so I made sure there is kibble on the porch, birdseed in the feeders, and I threw about two dozen apples over the fence for the deer. The heated bird bath is plugged in and operational, so hopefully we will keep the fatalities down tonight.

In other news, I still feel like shit and am in such a fucking mood I can not honestly tell if I am better than yesterday but I think I am. My nose still itches and that is driving me bonkers.

Watching some of the new season of Jack Ryan on Amazon, while browsing for “winter+hits+for+massive+heads” and decided I am going all in and getting one of those ridiculous furry ones with flaps you see in eastern europe because I have no fucks left to give and maybe it will make someone laugh to see me stomping around in overalls and that thing on.

What about you all?

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Reader Interactions

113Comments

  1. 1.

    lollipopguild

    December 23, 2022 at 9:28 pm

    There should be a show on Tv called “shit John Cole says”.

  2. 2.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    December 23, 2022 at 9:30 pm

    “winter+hits+for+massive+heads” and decided I am going all in and getting one of those ridiculous furry ones with flaps you see in eastern europe because I have no fucks left to give and maybe it will make someone laugh to see me stomping around in overalls and that thing on.

    A-fucking-men. When the temp goes over 80 or under 30 all fashion considerations go out the window. Or would if I had any. Wear it proud and try not to think about Ignatius J Reilly

    Now, in the spirit of the day…. I GOTTA LOTTA PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!

  3. 3.

    oldster

    December 23, 2022 at 9:37 pm

    We got lucky in my part of Upstate NY. The temp fell from 45F this morning to 2F right now, but we got only a half inch of snow and no power outages. So, house is still toasty.

    Just watched “Christmas in Connecticut”, an old Barbara Stanwyck rom-com from 1945. It was good, but not as good as her best. Also, not very Christmas-ey.

    I’m sorry you’re ill, John, and I hope you’ll get better soon.

  4. 4.

    pat

    December 23, 2022 at 9:37 pm

    Your house isn’t insulated?  How can it get that cold that fast??

  5. 5.

    SpaceUnit

    December 23, 2022 at 9:40 pm

    You said you wanted a blizzard.

    Also, Merry Christmas.

  6. 6.

    Ohio Mom

    December 23, 2022 at 9:40 pm

    Reading all that, I don’t think I can complain that the best our little heat pump can do is get the house to 62 (it’s 1 degree outside). I am under four blankets and warm enough.

    Sounds like Thurston knows how to show himself a good time.

  7. 7.

    mrmoshpotato

    December 23, 2022 at 9:41 pm

    -2 here in Chicago.  We got down to -9 last night.  Radiators have been radiating.  And I wish I could teleport myself up the street to get a burrito.

    Glad it wasn’t a longer power outage.  Blast that furnace, and heat up that fucking old house.

    ETA – good choice on the hat too.

  8. 8.

    CaseyL

    December 23, 2022 at 9:42 pm

    “Called the mayor” – I love that.  Do you know her, or is Bethany the kind of town where anyone can call the mayor?

    Things are starting to thaw a little here in Seattle, and the temperature is all the way up to 36° F.  Balmy!  And supposed to get up to 51° tomorrow – comparatively speaking, practically bathing suit weather!

  9. 9.

    frosty

    December 23, 2022 at 9:42 pm

    Day 9 of my rebound and I’m not feeling too bad. The only remaining effects are some congestion and the occasional cough, so normal conditions for winter. It’s Day 19 from the first day I tested positive so it’s been a long fucking December.

    Four degrees in South PA, strong wind gusts blowing towards the front of the house and I could feel the wind coming through the living room (replacement) window frame, so I went out to Orange Apron Land, bought one of those sheet plastic window insulation kits that you tighten up with a hair dryer and put it up. It works! No more cold air coming through but we’re getting nailed from the lack of insulation in the walls of this 1923 house. Oh well. At least the power is on. We’ve charged everything up just in case though.

  10. 10.

    Hoppie

    December 23, 2022 at 9:43 pm

    Just found out a great San Diego craft beer bar dude died, so kind of bummed.  But our weather (unlike the rest of y’alls) was great today, so Dr. Schaad and Dr. Freud have been in attendance.  Get better, dammit!

  11. 11.

    mrmoshpotato

    December 23, 2022 at 9:49 pm

    @pat:

    Your house isn’t insulated? How can it get that cold that fast?? 

    Weather Underground is reporting -4 with a 13mph wind in Cole’s neck of the woods.  The wind – it finds its way in. :)

  12. 12.

    Amir Khalid

    December 23, 2022 at 9:49 pm

    You were really unlucky to catch Covid right before Christmas, and you have my sympathy. Maybe this performance of Щедрик will help cheer you up.

  13. 13.

    catclub

    December 23, 2022 at 9:51 pm

    Well, I am getting over covid.  My wife avoided catching it for 4 days, [I actually masked for two days before I knew I had it, because a mask helps with chapped nose and lips,

    but  now she is miserable.

    There is flooding in the basement.  I am a new homeowner and I cannot imagine ignoring this much water there but the old owners either DID ignore it  or just lied like a rug about how much water comes in.

     

    I am very lucky that I have enough money to spend to fix that crap. Just have to wait on the guys who will do the work.

  14. 14.

    catclub

    December 23, 2022 at 9:53 pm

    @frosty: It’s Day 19 from the first day I tested positive so it’s been a long fucking December.

     

    I wonder how long I will test positive. only 6 days along

  15. 15.

    PatrickG

    December 23, 2022 at 9:57 pm

    In the spirit of “misery loves company”, mother in law had a stroke and is at the ER. I’ve just fed the dog and cleaned the house, as partners do when you’re not allowed to come to the hospital.

    Bah. Humbug. At least in California no birds are harmed by failing to fill heated bird baths (which, as a coastal Californian, I didn’t even know existed!)

  16. 16.

    Gvg

    December 23, 2022 at 9:58 pm

    It’s cold in Florida by our standards. Supposed to get down in the 20’s for the next 3 nights. I plan to stay in as much as possible. I hate cold and what ya’ll put up with, I will never understand. Sis just got back from camping. It was in the 30’s this past week. She is a Boy Scout troop leader and camps every year at this time but said it was colder than usual and not so fun. Florida seasons kind of change around when things are done and summer can be too hot.

    Mom is feeling not so well and called to request more help for Christmas dinner. I plotted with sister and Aunt to try to make it easier or even postpone if she gets worse. A few days ago she was looking forward to it but late 70’s can have some downturns.

    This winter has been cloudy and grey, more than usual it seems to me. It’s not helping my mood. Usually I do a bunch of winter gardening but not this year.

    Still, so far my year has had minor problems compared to others. There are potential family health problems, but they haven’t quite happened yet.

    Can’t wait till it warms back up. I really hate being cold.

  17. 17.

    eachother

    December 23, 2022 at 9:59 pm

    Put a video of a fireplace fire on my laptop.  (I have electricity.) But I swear it’s warming the place.

  18. 18.

    Suzanne

    December 23, 2022 at 10:01 pm

    So it is currently -1 degree, wind chill of -26. It has been a lovely cozy day here.

    My hot yoga class got canceled this morning, but I am hoping that tomorrow’s goes forth! I am excited about it. I love sweating when it’s cold.

  19. 19.

    Suzanne

    December 23, 2022 at 10:03 pm

    I will note that the air is fucken D R Y. I am doing all appropriate skincare, but my hands are still far too crispy.

  20. 20.

    Alison Rose

    December 23, 2022 at 10:03 pm

    As I said above, it’s cold as shit, so I made sure there is kibble on the porch, birdseed in the feeders, and I threw about two dozen apples over the fence for the deer. The heated bird bath is plugged in and operational, so hopefully we will keep the fatalities down tonight.

    A thing I love about you, John, is that even in a (understandably) crappy mood, your heart of gold always shows through for the animals.

  21. 21.

    Miss Bianca

    December 23, 2022 at 10:03 pm

    Holy crap, JC! The hits just keep on coming! Sorry to hear it. Hope you get to feeling better soon. And Thurston! Bad dog, indeed!

    Meanwhile, my biggest Festivus complaint is now that I am finally *ready* to deal with getting my next COVID booster *and* flu shot, my public health department is closed down basically till New Year’s. Growl.

  22. 22.

    OCee

    December 23, 2022 at 10:04 pm

    No one cares what you look like when it’s sub-zero.  Rock that hat

  23. 23.

    Betsy

    December 23, 2022 at 10:04 pm

    I hope this is not uncool but you made me laugh so hard I’m wheezing.

    It’s not that I think the dog-power-cold-Covid-grief situation is funny, believe me.

    It’s more about how you turn a phrase, in spite of it all.

  24. 24.

    Chetan Murthy

    December 23, 2022 at 10:06 pm

    @Suzanne:

    the air is fucken D R Y.

    I’ve lived in this house for 15yr.  And for a number of those years, during the winter, I’ve had to put moisturizing cream on my forelegs to avoid really, really dry, itchy skin (the kind where you wake up in the middle of the night unable to resist scratching until you draw blood — that kind of dry).  But only every few days, and only b/c I swim frequently for exercise.

    But this winter … *sheesh*.  *Incredibly* dry, and I’ve had to both put on that cream every day, and *also* bought a humidifer that I run *continuously* just to get the humidity up in the house.

    And I’m still dry and itchy.  Grrrr ….

  25. 25.

    Chetan Murthy

    December 23, 2022 at 10:06 pm

    I’ve been tallying masked faces in the bus and train here in downtown SF, and they’re above 50%.  So I guess SFans know something’s up.  Which is good.

  26. 26.

    OCee

    December 23, 2022 at 10:08 pm

    @Miss Bianca: What were you waiting for?  Covid booster and flu shot have been available for months.

  27. 27.

    Betsy

    December 23, 2022 at 10:10 pm

    Here in my riverfront town, people are posting pictures on FB of the things that peeled off in the wind and flew into their yards, so that the owners can come get them. Porch carpets, pillows, Christmas decorations, tin roofs.

    I was in the midst of Christmas cooking when the wind blew a line down and the power went out.  Fortunately the gas oven already was on and the quiche in it.

    Started to worry about house getting cold, ability to do the rest of the holiday cooking, and phone running low on charge, but the power came back within an hour, so I decided not to wait to get the sweet potato pudding underway (and the phone back on the charger).

    Feeling just heartsick for the people in Ukraine that are freezing, can’t cook, can’t shower for weeks at a time.  Some Christmas.

    Lastly, but not at all leastly, I’m glad to be alive, cooking, frantically wrapping presents, and to be able to give my parents their Christmas gifts, after the horrific wreck we were in this summer.

  28. 28.

    Chetan Murthy

    December 23, 2022 at 10:12 pm

    @OCee: Hey hey, Miss Bianca’s trying to do the right thing for herself and for all the rest of us.  Let’s focus on that, and not other things.

    @Miss Bianca: I read about local health departments shutting down their vaxx initatives here-and-there.  It’s not good. Not good at all.  I was heartened to see (out the bus window, as I rolled on by, doing nothing as my public servant bus driver did all the work) a “covid, flu, rsv test” tent at 16th and Mission streets, a major transit crossroad here in SF.

  29. 29.

    Miss Bianca

    December 23, 2022 at 10:13 pm

    @OCee: Couldn’t afford to take 2-3 days off feeling like hammered shit. I have to plan my vaccination times for scheduled time off. Maybe you’re one of the lucky folks who either have paid time off or whom vaccines don’t knock out? Good for you!

    ETA: Also, too, I live 40 miles from the nearest Walgreens, and my public health department only gives shots on Fridays. So, there are a few obstacles to overcome.

  30. 30.

    mrmoshpotato

    December 23, 2022 at 10:18 pm

    @Suzanne: Neutrogena Hand Cream

  31. 31.

    eachother

    December 23, 2022 at 10:19 pm

    @Chetan Murthy:

    I always carry chapstick. And always apply petroleum product to my lips at night. Essential.
    High desert dry lips.

    Could the dry problem be in part chlorine?  There may be some neutralizing thing that could help?

  32. 32.

    NotMax

    December 23, 2022 at 10:21 pm

    The type of hat is called a chapka.

    Trademark of Captain Marleau in the eponymous French police detective series.

  33. 33.

    zhena gogolia

    December 23, 2022 at 10:21 pm

    @oldster: Not very Christmas-y???

    We cannot have Christmas until we’ve watched it at least once.

  34. 34.

    Origuy

    December 23, 2022 at 10:24 pm

     I am going all in and getting one of those ridiculous furry ones with flaps you see in eastern europe….

    That’s called ushanka in Russian and I think something similar in Ukrainian. I got one in Moscow about 10 years ago at a souvenir stand outside Red Square. It’s well made for the price; quilted inside and covered with fake fur, what Russians call “fish fur”. You could get it with either a Soviet red star or an imperial eagle. I chose the eagle because I didn’t know that Putin was planning to resurrect the Russian Empire. A while back, I got a pin with the Ukrainian tryzub to replace the eagle. It’s too warm to wear here in California.

  35. 35.

    NotMax

    December 23, 2022 at 10:26 pm

    @oldster

    Some of TCM’s holiday weekend offerings.

  36. 36.

    Chacal Charles Calthrop

    December 23, 2022 at 10:26 pm

    @CaseyL: I’m in Seattle visiting family & winter definitely came to pay a visit in Seattle! First it snowed, and everyone gaped when I insisted in shoveling the sidewalk – usually it just melts with hours.

    But we got the first taste of the arctic wave here & I knew the snow would freeze. So it did, and so did the roads -and when the freezing arctic air moved on, and ordinary rainy Seattle weather moved in, the difference between the freezing ground & rain meant an ice storm.

    We leave the house in snowshoes & crampons because those have metal teeth to dig into the ice and this is Seattle, everyone has lots of REI outdoor gear somewhere in their house.

    It’s supposed to all melt tonight. Never happier to hear the weather is 40’ F and raining.

  37. 37.

    Barbara

    December 23, 2022 at 10:28 pm

    @PatrickG: That’s awful. I am so sorry.  It’s probably too soon to have a prognosis, but wishing all of you the best.

  38. 38.

    chrisanthemama

    December 23, 2022 at 10:28 pm

    And you let Thurston live? Truly, Cole, you are a modern saint.

  39. 39.

    Simon Taverner

    December 23, 2022 at 10:32 pm

    I’ve got nothing, John, never did.  Just wanted to decloack long enough express my regret that you’re going through this.  I hope you find distraction sooner than later.  You don’t deserve this pain.

  40. 40.

    JAFD

    December 23, 2022 at 10:33 pm

    Salutations, Mr. Cole !

    Mayhaps what you want is what the shops call a ‘ski patrol’ hat.  Or maybe not.

    Have a pound of pinto beans in a pot of water heating up.  Tomorrow will make bean soup or baked beans with chorizo Peruano and onions and a really big carrot,  And do some laundry and put tape over drafts around windows.

    Regardless, hope you get better very soon.  And remember what the wise man said,

    “All power corrupts.  But it’s difficult to live without electricity.”

  41. 41.

    evap

    December 23, 2022 at 10:33 pm

    Here in Atlanta it went from 50F (midnight last night) to 11F (now – 10 pm).  That must be some kind of record.  I went out for a walk in the early afternoon, it was sunny and 18F, but I gave up after a short while because of the wind.   Much better to stay inside drinking tea and reading.

    Lots of birds at the feeder today, including a beautiful red headed woodpecker.  I must look into one of those heated birdbaths.

  42. 42.

    NotMax

    December 23, 2022 at 10:34 pm

    On the plus side, be grateful you don’t live across the street from something like this.

    ;)

  43. 43.

    Suzanne

    December 23, 2022 at 10:36 pm

    @mrmoshpotato: I have three tubes of that stuff. Always have it on hand (pun intended). I also like the Cerave SA cream for hands and feet, helps the dead skin peel off.

    I was doing really well on the skin care front until the last 24 hours.

  44. 44.

    Steeplejack

    December 23, 2022 at 10:37 pm

    I’m doing the usual Friday night thing, i.e., surfing the Net and sort of channel-surfing with my cable company’s app on the Chromebook sideboard. Just tuned to MSNBC to see what’s shaking. Apparently new transcripts from the January 6 committee have been released. Rum and tonic and Blue Diamond smoked almonds at hand.

    And I’m obsessively checking my bathroom taps every so often to make sure they’re still drizzling, because it’s 12° outside here in NoVA and I do not want to be looking for a plumber at Christmas to fix a burst pipe. I think the critical point will be tomorrow night, after a daytime high of only 23° and then another low around 14°. Brr.

    Glad you’re taking care of the critters, Cole. I don’t have any to worry about, but I’ve been getting texts and photos today from a friend in Atlanta who has a shelter for some feral cats under her back deck. There was a colony at one time, but she and her husband got them all spayed, and the population has gradually shrunk through, uh, attrition. Last night she sent me a security-cam photo of a possum checking out the feral shelter.

    Stay safe, everybody!

  45. 45.

    Mike in NC

    December 23, 2022 at 10:39 pm

    We’re getting the immediate family together for the first time since mom died around ten years ago.

  46. 46.

    Suzanne

    December 23, 2022 at 10:39 pm

    @eachother: I have better luck with lanolin lip stuff than petroleum.

    I have both socks and slippers on, so my feet are okay, but damn, this winter skin is coming for my hands!

  47. 47.

    satby

    December 23, 2022 at 10:40 pm

    I waited until it was a toasty -1 out to bundle up and refill the birdfeeder and suet holder; there still was food it both but the birds were ravenous, so I wanted the feeders stuffed full. About an hour later I looked out on my porch and one winter cover had blown clean off the rocker and porch and was nowhere in sight. Bundled up again and went in search. It had blown 180° around the house into the back yard. Dragged it back, put it on the rocker, and tied it to the chair next to it to be sure. Wind has been howling, it’s back down to -2 and it’s been snowing pretty regularly all day. Our blizzard warning has been extended to tomorrow afternoon. I’m slowly getting a bit better, but it’s taking longer than it ever has before. We’ve so far been lucky with the power, hope that doesn’t jinx it.

  48. 48.

    Steeplejack

    December 23, 2022 at 10:44 pm

    Headwear: A few months ago I lost my beloved old Braves baseball cap, and I feel a little naked without it, especially in cold weather. It was a fancy “fitted” one, and I really had it broken in. Sniff. I’ve looked on line for a new one, but I have no idea what size my head is. And I don’t want to get an adjustable one. Maybe I’ll get a watch cap or something at REI to get me through the winter. Don’t think I could rock one of those Russian fur monstrosities that Cole is talking about.

  49. 49.

    NotMax

    December 23, 2022 at 10:46 pm

    46 additional witness transcripts released by the J6 committee (with security redactions). More still to come.

  50. 50.

    Jackie

    December 23, 2022 at 10:49 pm

    John Cole please never change! You’re cranky enough to let me think you’re feeling better?🤞🏻

    And Thurston’s feeling his oats😂

    And the promised freezing rain just started – SE WA.

  51. 51.

    Jess

    December 23, 2022 at 10:50 pm

    I celebrated the solstice Tues-Thurs with my family in order to avoid the storm (I’m in central Mass). I’ve spent most of the day snuggled up with the dog, but we did brave the outdoors during a break in the rain. Halfway through the hike the rain returned and we got drenched. Fortunately, Cody (my Russian street dog) is well adapted to the weather and just shook himself off and kept going. We came back to all the yummy leftovers from the solstice feast and, since both the power and the internet miraculously managed to stay running, watched Glass Onion. It’s now slightly blizzard-y and getting colder (about 17 dropping down to 11), so we’ll probably stay in tomorrow as well.

    Not a bad day at all. I’m sorry about yours, John, and my condolences to all who lost their power and such. I’m amazed that it didn’t happen here.

  52. 52.

    Betsy

    December 23, 2022 at 10:50 pm

    @evap: Wow! I love those.

  53. 53.

    Almost Retired

    December 23, 2022 at 10:51 pm

    The tradition is that every other year, my widely-dispersed family converges on us in Los Angeles for Christmas.  It’s magical and stressful and irritating and memorable and all of those things at once.  This is the “off year.”  The weather is lovely, but I know better than to point that out and have them all decide to come every year.

  54. 54.

    Jay

    December 23, 2022 at 10:58 pm

    @Suzanne:

    Glysomed is my go to cream for dry skin. Works well in a dry -40c with wood heat.

  55. 55.

    frosty

    December 23, 2022 at 11:02 pm

    @catclub: I was clear around Day 9, although I didn’t test myself. Rebounded for another round on Day 10. You should be better soon.

    Knock wood avoiding Long COVID. My biggest fear.

  56. 56.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    December 23, 2022 at 11:03 pm

    aging arena rockers airing their grievances

    Last week, a lawyer for Neal Schon, Journey’s founding guitarist, wrote to Jonathan Cain, the group’s keyboardist, demanding that he stop appearing at events for former President Donald J. Trump “as Journey,” and performing Journey songs at those functions, saying that Mr. Cain’s appearances have caused “irreparable harm to the Journey brand.” […]

    The letter points to a performance by Mr. Cain last month of “Don’t Stop Believin’,” the band’s enduring power ballad, at the America First Experience Gala at Mar-a-Lago, Mr. Trump’s estate in Florida. An online video of the event shows Mr. Cain seated at a keyboard, leading a singalong with conservative political figures like Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, Kimberly Guilfoyle and Kari Lake onstage beside him. In the crowd, Mr. Trump is visible along with Newt Gingrich, Donald Trump Jr. and others.

    Cecily Strong left SNL too early. She could have gotten a solid six minutes out of that.

  57. 57.

    HumboldtBlue

    December 23, 2022 at 11:05 pm

    One of the girls who will get a phone call from Elvis Elfington tomorrow night has her eyes on the entertainment industry.

    She’s 9, and is “plotting on how to enter the rap music game, loves her dog Choppa, and math.”

    I like to think I, super cool uncle HumboldtBlue, had a hand in that career path, because she’s been listening to this Xmas classic since she showed up.

  58. 58.

    James E Powell

    December 23, 2022 at 11:08 pm

    [D]ecided I am going all in and getting one of those ridiculous furry ones with flaps you see in eastern europe because I have no fucks left to give

    Ushanka. I had a Red Army one, but I lost it somewhere.

  59. 59.

    moslygrey

    December 23, 2022 at 11:14 pm

    I had the well water run out just after I’d soaped up the noggin yesterday morning. Takes a moment to come up with a plan to figure out what the heck to do with a soapy head and no water. Thankfully it all worked out but at some point the laugh/cry/scream option sounds mighty good. Also, get the hat, a warm head & dry feet are top of the list winter priorities for me.

  60. 60.

    BlueGuitarist

    December 23, 2022 at 11:16 pm

    @HumboldtBlue:

    good work, super cool uncle!
    do you (plural) have additional seasonal song recommendations?

    right now listening to Lizzo, Someday at Christmas 

    https://youtu.be/aJjTRUCfZ7c

  61. 61.

    Steeplejack

    December 23, 2022 at 11:18 pm

    @NotMax:

    I think Cole is talking about an ushanka.

  62. 62.

    BlueGuitarist

    December 23, 2022 at 11:23 pm

    @BlueGuitarist:

    Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings, Ain’t No Chimneys in the Projects

     

    https://youtu.be/y1B-jDY1pnI

  63. 63.

    Kevin

    December 23, 2022 at 11:25 pm

    Cole your rants are on point. Stay warm! I’m thankful we are in a toasty house despite single digits outside for the last couple days. Hoping to stay healthy thru Christmas until we head to CO to ski on Monday.

  64. 64.

    BellyCat

    December 23, 2022 at 11:25 pm

    It’s not a hat without earflaps.

  65. 65.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    December 23, 2022 at 11:25 pm

    @NotMax:

    Trademark of Captain Marleau in the eponymous French police detective series.

    Does it have the NotMax stamp of approval? the series, not the hat

  66. 66.

    OCee

    December 23, 2022 at 11:26 pm

    @Miss Bianca: I am a lucky one.  Updated Covid booster only knocked me out for a day.

  67. 67.

    mvr

    December 23, 2022 at 11:27 pm

    @PatrickG: Did in fact fill my heated birdbath today and yesterday. With -15 here yesterday morning (only -11 today) I had to add hot water to really thaw it out.

  68. 68.

    am

    December 23, 2022 at 11:31 pm

    “Also, his food bowl was full.”

    What is wrong with animals?

  69. 69.

    eclare

    December 23, 2022 at 11:32 pm

    @HumboldtBlue:   Hahaha…love it!

    It’s funny how cool aunts and uncles can have an influence.  My fave aunt introduced me to Steely Dan when I was around ten years old.

  70. 70.

    mvr

    December 23, 2022 at 11:33 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Faceless bands make this kind of thing especially bad for the brand. Thankfully Keith Richards was already wanting to knife Trump 30+ years ago.

  71. 71.

    coin operated

    December 23, 2022 at 11:36 pm

    @Alison Rose:

    A thing I love about you, John, is that even in a (understandably) crappy mood, your heart of gold always shows through for the animals.

    What Alison said.  You are a steel-plated marshmallow Cole.

    Get better soon sir.

  72. 72.

    HumboldtBlue

    December 23, 2022 at 11:39 pm

    @BlueGuitarist:

    There’s always The Temptations.

  73. 73.

    Jay

    December 23, 2022 at 11:42 pm

    Up at 4am for “Snowmageddon III”, Skytrain running as far as Lougheed Mall, (my stop) but not all the way in to Vancouver. Got the 555 Express with all of 2 other passengers and the driver in a 90 person bus. Got the barely occupied local at the transit loop, got to work at 7:10 am. Emanuel had opened up, (new manager) but forgot to unlock the main customer door. Shoveled the sidewalk, cleared the doors, the loading dock of ice and snow, laid down salt, then started work on a 350′ FlexSnake in for repair. Prabh got in at 8:15 am, so only 5 Staff “missing”.

    At 8:45 am, e-mail went out to all our stores in BC that our trucks were grounded, no pick ups or deliveries.

    At 9:15 am, e-mail went out to all stores that we were closing for the day, as conditions were bad and many Staff could not make it in.

    So I went home, but it would have been nice if they made the call last night when we all knew what was coming.

    Got home, no problem as the bus’s detoured to avoid the bad areas, had a snack, a 6 hour nap, comfort food, ( hash browns, fried ham, cheezy onion scrambled eggs).

  74. 74.

    Jay

    December 23, 2022 at 11:46 pm

    Melton Hats are similar but different than the Eastern European hats. They have ear, face and neck flaps when needed, are traditionally made from Beaver, Wolf, Muskrat fur, or more often these days, from fake fur.

  75. 75.

    BlueGuitarist

    December 23, 2022 at 11:53 pm

    @HumboldtBlue:

    👍

    how about

    The waitresses, Christmas wrapping

    https://youtu.be/UzVsUewmsJY

  76. 76.

    zevon

    December 23, 2022 at 11:54 pm

    Love you John Cole.

  77. 77.

    Major Major Major Major

    December 23, 2022 at 11:58 pm

    Ugh! Feel better. But ooh, new Jack Ryan… some of the better CIA propaganda out there…

    Called the Mayor, and she said the power was supposed to be back on at 2:30

    Ah, small town life.

  78. 78.

    HeleninEire

    December 23, 2022 at 11:58 pm

    It’s crazy ass freezing in NYC. The wind is whipping around like crazy. That being said. I had the best dinner tonight with my mother’s best friend Irene when mom came to America. My mother died 48 years ago. I haven’t seen Irene for at least 30 years. She got in touch with my sister. The stories. Oh the stories.

  79. 79.

    Chris T.

    December 23, 2022 at 11:59 pm

    @JAFD:

    Regardless, hope you get better very soon. And remember what the wise man said, “All power corrupts. But it’s difficult to live without electricity.”

    I thought it was “Power corrupts. Electric power corrupts electrically.”

  80. 80.

    TiredOfItAll

    December 24, 2022 at 12:00 am

    Weirdly, John, this and your prior fuck-it-all post immediately reminded me of particular poems.  Maybe you are not a poetry guy.  Maybe some other jackal will get some use out of this. This is from the middle of a terrific poem by the late (died a year ago at age 95) Indiana-born Pacific Northwest poet David Wagoner called “Staying Alive”:

    “There may even come, on some uncanny evening,
    A time when you’re warm and dry, well fed, not thirsty,
    Uninjured, without fear,
    When nothing, either good or bad, is happening.
    This is called staying alive. It’s temporary.”

    Hope everyone makes it though this insane weather.  And the holidaze. Retreating to lurker status for real this time.

  81. 81.

    Jay

    December 24, 2022 at 12:04 am

    Polar bears in Canada’s Western Hudson Bay — on the southern edge of the Arctic — are continuing to die in high numbers, a new government survey of the land carnivore has found. Females and bear cubs are having an especially hard time.

    Researchers surveyed Western Hudson Bay — home to Churchill, Man., known as the “Polar Bear Capital of the World” — by air in 2021 and estimated there were 618 bears, compared to the 842 in 2016, when they were last surveyed.

    “The actual decline is a lot larger than I would have expected,” said Andrew Derocher, a biology professor at the University of Alberta who has studied Hudson Bay polar bears for nearly four decades. Derocher was not involved in the study.

    Since the 1980s, the number of bears in the region has fallen by nearly 50 per cent, the authors found. The ice essential to their survival is disappearing.

    https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/canadian-polar-bears-1.6696586

  82. 82.

    Delk

    December 24, 2022 at 12:12 am

    For the last couple of hours I’ve been under the flight path for O’Hare airport. Usually we get maybe 1-2 planes flying over every two months or so. Tonight it has been nonstop. I guess the winds and delays are causing havoc.

  83. 83.

    mrmoshpotato

    December 24, 2022 at 12:30 am

    @Delk: Sorry!  I couldn’t hear you!

  84. 84.

    Kelly

    December 24, 2022 at 12:31 am

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Called the Mayor, and she said the power was supposed to be back on at 2:30

    Ah, small town life.

    for 14 years I lived next door to the Forest Grove, OR city manager, a town with city run electricity. Power was never out for more than an hour.

  85. 85.

    James E Powell

    December 24, 2022 at 12:37 am

    @BlueGuitarist: 

    @HumboldtBlue:

    Presents for Christmas – Solomon Burke

    Every Year, Every Christmas – Luther Vandross

    Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) – Darlene Love – Watched it every year & every year I cried.

  86. 86.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    December 24, 2022 at 12:47 am

    @James E Powell:

    Darlene Love – Watched it every year

    Me too, always looked forward to seeing how they were gonna stage it. She killed it every year.

    Also: “They’ll believe me, pilgrim citizen!”

  87. 87.

    PatrickG

    December 24, 2022 at 12:50 am

    @Barbara: thanks for the kind words. Looks like it’s not acute, at least, but still waiting to hear more. She’s not in good health in general :(

    Waiting is, in fact, the easiest part. I’m not at the hospital, after all, unlike my partner.

  88. 88.

    HumboldtBlue

    December 24, 2022 at 12:53 am

    It ain’t Christmas without The Royal Guardsmen

  89. 89.

    Misterpuff

    December 24, 2022 at 12:55 am

    What do they call the Floyd Turbo hat?

  90. 90.

    OverTwistWillie

    December 24, 2022 at 1:01 am

    -5F with the wind howling was apparently -30F wind-chill. The boys & girls club were kicking off the holiday weekend by strapping down a Genset, destination unknown.

  91. 91.

    Ruckus

    December 24, 2022 at 1:04 am

    @Miss Bianca:

    Is there a CVS near you?

    I got the last 2 boosters at a CVS 1/2 mile away. Walking distance. Here in CA they all seem to give shots, some Moderna and some Pfizer.

  92. 92.

    Jay

    December 24, 2022 at 1:08 am

    @Misterpuff:

    a Trapper Hat, also known in Europe as a Grundiltch,

    with out earflaps, it’s a “Chooker”.

  93. 93.

    HumboldtBlue

    December 24, 2022 at 1:27 am

    Winter ain’t fucking around.

    Buffalo, this is absurd.

  94. 94.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 24, 2022 at 1:28 am

    My car started this morning despite the cold.  I loaded it with presents and drove north to my parents’ house.  The roads were almost empty.  I helped clean up in anticipation of family coming over tomorrow.  All in all, it was a pretty good start to the holiday weekend.

    Hey, not everyone can be a curmudgeon.  Merry Christmas, you fuckers.

  95. 95.

    eclare

    December 24, 2022 at 1:33 am

    @HumboldtBlue:   And massive pile-ups in OH and KY.  KY still trying to figure out how to rescue dozens of families.

  96. 96.

    Steeplejack

    December 24, 2022 at 1:37 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Merry Christmas! 🎅 🎄 🎁 🥂

    Down to 9° here in my corner of NoVA. Probably going to bed shortly, after a last check of my drizzling taps.

  97. 97.

    HumboldtBlue

    December 24, 2022 at 1:38 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Look at “Johnny Clean Roads” ova’heah.

    @eclare:

    It’s ugly out there

  98. 98.

    eclare

    December 24, 2022 at 1:39 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:   Merry Christmas to you too!  Glad you had a safe drive.

  99. 99.

    Misterpuff

    December 24, 2022 at 1:49 am

    @Jay: Thanks.

    I didn’t know that.

    Good on you knowing who Floyd Turbo is/was.

    I always liked the earflaps.

  100. 100.

    NotMax

    December 24, 2022 at 1:51 am

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Absivitively, posilutely. Three thumbs up.

    First season was free for a month on Prime earlier in the year; looked forward to seasons 2 and 3 when signed up with MHz Choice on their Black Friday deal.

  101. 101.

    BlueGuitarist

    December 24, 2022 at 2:06 am

    @James E Powell:

    thanks!

  102. 102.

    James E Powell

    December 24, 2022 at 2:11 am

    @HumboldtBlue:

    I think, “What are those people doing on the road?!?” then I remember the time I drove into the office when it was -17 because billing hours was my life.

  103. 103.

    trollhattan

    December 24, 2022 at 2:29 am

    Jeez, this Christmas Freezer Bomb or whateverthefuck sounds epically horrid. Puffy jackets and warm fires to all.

  104. 104.

    oldster

    December 24, 2022 at 7:43 am

    @NotMax:

    Thanks for the film recommendations.

  105. 105.

    Mel

    December 24, 2022 at 7:47 am

    @NotMax: Oh, my. A house where Christmas threw up.

    We had a horror show like that take place on the street behind our house for several years.

    The “festivities” would start two weeks before Thanksgiving, would not end until mid-January, and included sudden, terrifyingly loud, late night blasts of The Trans-Siberian Orchestra on the outdoor speakers strategically placed to pump out Mariah Carey and Celine Dion Christmas music in all four directions EVERY damn morning.

    Add to that (amongst many other nightmares) a rotating mechanical Santa that “HoHoHo”-ed incessantly and had a disturbingly clown-like face, a set of neon colored blinking reindeer strewn across the roof, and enough lights to make the house visible from the moon. It was hell on earth.

    The crazed, day- drinker MAGA types that perpetrated that horror show have since moved, and now there’s a sweet young couple with three little ones living in the former holiday hell house. The extent of their Christmas-y decorating is some pretty lights on the porch and trees, and an inflatable snowman that the kids put up and dress up in a hat and scarf. Hallelujah!!!

  106. 106.

    Bruce K in ATH-GR

    December 24, 2022 at 7:52 am

    About five years back I ordered a cheap polyester ushanka from Amazon Germany, which came with a clip for the ear flaps and a snap-on mask, and while it’s rare to need it in Athens, I was glad I had it when I stepped off the plane in Baltimore last night. I thought going from fifty degrees to ten in the space of one day was an artifact of long-distance travel; I didn’t realize that it was hitting people who were only traveling a mile.

    Feel better, Mr. Cole, and if you can find an ushanka in your size, go for it. Your ears will thank you.

  107. 107.

    Barry

    December 24, 2022 at 7:53 am

    I’m in Ann Arbor, southeastern Michigan.  It is 3 degrees with a wind chill of -18.

    We got 1-2 inches of snow.  The winds were very strong – I had to wait for a lull to get my car doors open, at one point.   No power outage.

    I’ve got two pumpkin pies baking, for Christmas presents.

  108. 108.

    Timill

    December 24, 2022 at 8:42 am

    @Chris T.: “All power corrupts, but we need electricity.”

    AUTHOR’S NOTE

    This book will prove the following ten facts:

    1. A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.
    2. Pigs have wings, making them hard to catch.
    3. All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
    4. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.
    5. Music does not always soothe the troubled breast.
    6. An Englishman’s home is his castle.
    7. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
    8. One black eye deserves another.
    9. Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.
    10. It pays to increase your word power.

    from Archer’s Goon, by Diana Wynne Jones

  109. 109.

    karensky

    December 24, 2022 at 9:49 am

    @JAFD: What a great and timely quote!  I am gonna use it.  Thanks.

  110. 110.

    Miss Bianca

    December 24, 2022 at 10:11 am

    @Ruckus: No. But we are headed into the big city today for a shopping trip, possibly, and I’ll check out what Safeway has to offer. Fortunately, the effects don’t tend to hit me till later in the day, so I should be able to drive home.

  111. 111.

    gratuitous

    December 24, 2022 at 10:58 am

    @am: “Also, his food bowl was full” was the wormy maraschino cherry perfectly topping that shit sundae. Bravo Cole, bravo.

  112. 112.

    BruceJ

    December 24, 2022 at 11:28 am

    @NotMax: Oh hell, a new series to binge…

  113. 113.

    Chief Oshkosh

    December 24, 2022 at 11:54 am

    Also, his food bowl was full.

    This had me laughing so hard that I had to get up out of MY olds comfy chair and go pee.

    Thanks the laugh, Cole, and Merry Christmas. Kick the dog for me.

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