Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

T R E 4 5 O N

You cannot shame the shameless.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

This really is a full service blog.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Bark louder, little dog.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Human Beings Can’t Do This

Human Beings Can’t Do This

by | 131 Comments

This post is in: ,

Valued commentator Raven mentioned the NBA’s slam dunk contest in a thread below.  Seems a tiny (in context) fringe player put on a show.

I sought out the video.  Dayum.  It seems that an anti-gravity machine has been invented, not to mention a command of kinematics that I had assumed both the laws of both physics and magic had ruled out:

 

 

All these athletes are just insanely talented.  Here are the highlights from the whole competition.

 

 

This is what you would call an above-the-rim open thread.

Reader Interactions

131Comments

  3. 3.

    trollhattan

    Hoo dat? Don’t watch enough hoops to keep up, although that could change as our local sportsballers could (emphasis on could) make the playoffs this year after the league’s longest drought.

    Watching those guys reminds me of the old Spike Lee Air Jordan ad: “You can buy these” [displays shoes] “you can’t do this” [Jordan dunks].

    Feel similarly about alpine skiers. Nobody knows what it’s like to be Mikaela Shiffrin other than Makaela Shiffrin. 80 mph on I-5 is one thing; 80 mph hurtling down a mountain with boards nailed to your feet is something entirely else.

  4. 4.

    Leto

    So, what I’m watching is a repudiation of Spike Lee’s seminal thesis of… White Men Can’t Jump.
    I’ll see myself out.​

    Edit: and the kid plays for the hometown. Nice.

  7. 7.

    Jerry

    I couldn’t make it to the outdoor hockey game in Raleigh last night (too expensive for my blood) but it was a joy to watch on the tee vee. My fellow citizens in Caniac Nation showed up big time for the event.

  16. 16.

    Big R

    Another misleading headline from an editor, as it’s clear that human beings definitely can do this! There’s even video!

  21. 21.

    lashonharangue

    @trollhattan:

    Hoo dat?

    He is a fringe player – undrafted, G league (NBA minor league), and very short stints on a few NBA teams.  Shows you the level of the guys who make the NBA.  Has to improve the rest of his game to make it.

  22. 22.

    Dangerman

    Dude has freak hops but can he ball? I have a feeling he’s Pedro Cerrano and he can’t hit a curve.

  23. 23.

    James E Powell

    @raven:

    I follow the NBA & college and both more intensely in the playoffs & March Madness. Huge Cavs fan. Love the fact that the team is competitive & drawing fans w/o LeBron, no disrespect to him.

    It’s our first post-Coach K season. Interesting & unfamiliar teams are at the top of the rankings.

  27. 27.

    Immanentize

    This is so cool — 50! Dunks. That young man can fly. Personally, I like the amazing pass play from a fake lay up better than the slam; still, crazy!

    Michael Harriot snarked: “That was affirmative action.”

  30. 30.

    Mike E

    @raven: it was a wink/nudge contract, with NBA (and Sixers obliging) looking to generate interest in a stale event shunned by the star players and stuffed with silly gimmicks during the all-star break. The kid has a good handle but isn’t a good perimeter shooter or defender, and 6’2″ is a liability in this league of agile giants. Fun story though!

  34. 34.

    eddie blake

    @raven:  big knicks fan. been following them for well, decades. really excited about the young core and the addition of brunson who is the point guard the knicks have been desperately in need of for well, decades.

  38. 38.

    Mike in Pasadena

    GQP Hair is on fire about debt and threatening debt ceiling default. They can prove they aren’t hypocrites by letting the remaining provisions of the 2017 Tax Reform Act expire by its own terms in 2025 for $2 trillion in easy debt reduction. Of course, we all know they are not serious about debt reduction.

  39. 39.

    eclare

    @Mike in Pasadena:   I read an article that said that Democrats have boxed themselves into a corner on this one because Joe promised not to raise taxes on anyone making under 400k.  Most of the benefits go to higher earners, but some do go to people making under 400k.

  44. 44.

    Kent

    @eclare:@Mike in Pasadena:   I read an article that said that Democrats have boxed themselves into a corner on this one because Joe promised not to raise taxes on anyone making under 400k.  Most of the benefits go to higher earners, but some do go to people making under 400k.

    There is no corner.  2025 is a long ways away and no one needs to do anything about it now.

    And for that matter, whatever tax increases might go into effect in 2025 were voted on my Republicans not Democrats.

    All Biden has to is send it back and say “fix the part about taxpayers under $400,000.”

  45. 45.

    raven

    @Immanentize: I hate fucking Barkely. My friend and boss was dying if cancer and she loved him. There was a Auburn Hall of Fame event at the school and she managed tickets and the asshole didn’t show.

  48. 48.

    Kent

    @kalakal: faster than the arrows shot in archery,?  Faster than hockey pucks?  faster than a baseball coming off a bat?

    Or for that matter, faster than the bullets shot out of rifles in shooting events and biathlon?

  49. 49.

    Immanentize

    @raven: Yeah, Barkley was a well-known shithead.

    But it’s a great song.

    I haven’t yet — but have you watched the Bill Russell documentary on Netflix? It’s in my Q

  53. 53.

    James E Powell

    @eclare:

    What’s that? An article saying the Democrats are doing it wrong? I will have to check that out because an article saying that is an unusual thing.

  54. 54.

    eddie blake

    @raven: this is the best run they’ve made in years and the best, most talented group of players since 2013. would be very nice to see them as playoff regulars again. they’ve done quite well against division rivals this season.

    no one at all expected them to be sixth seed before the season started and yet here we are.

  55. 55.

    kalakal

    @Kent: Arrows top out at around 320 kmh. Baseball hits & hockey pucks at around 160.

    Bullets are kind of outside the scope of the article

  57. 57.

    Kent

    @kalakal: OK then.  Hard to believe, but OK.

    Modern badminton racquets must have some seriously elastic composite material technology in them in order to generate that much acceleration.

  59. 59.

    kalakal

    @Kent: I didn’t believe it either, I know badmintons a fast game but….

    I’d have thought a squash ball or a golf ball myself

  62. 62.

    RSA

    @Mike E:  The kid has a good handle but isn’t a good perimeter shooter or defender, and 6’2″ is a liability in this league of agile giants. Fun story though!

    Yup. I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said.  I’ll add though that Ja Morant is one of my favorite players to watch, and at 6’2″ he’s pretty amazing.

    https://youtu.be/VAMmeIiINoU

  63. 63.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Old Dan and Little Ann: I’m a good recreational skier. I run a phone app that tracks number of runs, speed, etc. Anyway, I have verifiably gone 55 mph while downhill skiing, and I cannot possibly imagine an additional 25 mph. It’s another world entirely.

  64. 64.

    Jackie

    O/T: President Biden’s statement re Day of Remembrance of Japanese American Incarceration

    https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2023/02/19/statement-from-president-joseph-r-biden-jr-on-the-day-of-remembrance-of-japanese-american-incarceration/

    My Dad never stopped talking about this; he lived in Toppenish, WA, which had a large Japanese population at this time. He had several friends whose entire families *disappeared overnight* during this time. The majority never returned after the war.

  68. 68.

    Craig

    @Immanentize: I liked it. Always hated the Celtics. Movie made me reevaluate Red Auerbach. He seems to have been a great coach, good person. Always respected Russell.

  70. 70.

    HumboldtBlue

    @lashonharangue:

    He can’t improve anything in his game to make the league, he needs to be 6’6, and he can’t make that happen. Mac has all the offensive skills needed to make it in the league, he’s a liability on defense. He gets targeted every trip down the floor by the opposition.

    Mac can shoot, handle, drive and jump — he broke the Virginia high school single-season scoring record set by Allen Iverson (another 76er all-time great) and the career scoring record set by JJ Redick (another former 76er) and his mixtapes from high school make this dunk competition look like practice.

    And in much sadder news, if it hasn’t been mentioned yet, Richard Belzer has died.

  73. 73.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Gin & Tonic: I have skied the Streif in Kitzbuhel  a number of times.  I could ski the 80% of the course that is open to the public at about 35 mph.  My thighs would be screaming, and I would usually stop once or twice on the way.  A good fast run that took about 10 minutes.  The racers do it in two.​

  74. 74.

    cmoren

    @trollhattan:

    Feel similarly about alpine skiers. Nobody knows what it’s like to be Mikaela Shiffrin other than Makaela Shiffrin. 80 mph on I-5 is one thing; 80 mph hurtling down a mountain with boards nailed to your feet is something entirely else.

    It’s not just the 80mph part, ski race courses are also deliberately hard-packed down to conditions recreational skiiers would consider “icy”.  And if you catch a ski edge on one of the gates, you can take a really nasty, twisting, helicoptering fall at high speed, often unstoppably sliding and tumbling until you hit a retaining fence.

  76. 76.

    WaterGirl

    @Jackie: Shameful.  Even more shameful that a fair portion of Republicans would gladly do the same thing with the people they spend their days “other-ing”

    I appreciate your link to Biden’s statement.  I think we’ll do a Medium Cool thread about this soon.

  79. 79.

    p.a.

    Open thread so…

    In the last week I’ve parked next to an Aston Martin SUV (the DBX)- a sign the apocalypse is approaching…

    Been behind a Ram 3500 Magnum spewing black from the tailpipe an with and apparently trio of chrome airhorns mounted facing back, by the rear diff- a sign the apocalypse maybe can’t come soon enough.

  80. 80.

    raven

    @HumboldtBlue:

    The Indiana University women’s basketball team clinched a share of the 2022-23 Big Ten Conference women’s basketball title Sunday afternoon with its 83-60 win over Purdue before a record-setting 17,222 fans at a sold-out Simon Skjodt Assembly Hall in Bloomington, Ind. With the victory, the Hoosiers improve to 16-1 in conference play this year and hold a 1.5-game lead over Iowa (14-2) — Indiana has one game remaining in the regular season, while Iowa has two.

  81. 81.

    eddie blake

    @HumboldtBlue:  immanuel quickley is 6’2″ so is jalen brunson. miles mcbride is 6’1″. they’re some of the league’s toughest wing defenders. quickley should win 6th man and it was a shonda that brunson wasn’t asked to play in the all-star game.

    that dude can jump like that? he can play defense. all it takes is hustle, effort and will. it’s not that people can’t play defense, it’s that either they’ve never been taught how to do it or they don’t want to do it (see: anthony, carmelo).

  85. 85.

    HumboldtBlue

    @raven:

    Yes, sorry, women.

    @eddie blake:

    Mac is generously listed at 6’2 and despite what other players of a similar size can do (Carmelo is an absurd comparison, he’s a 6’9 scorer who is #11 on the all-time NBA scoring list), Mac is a huge liability on defense. There are good reasons he’s in the G League.

    He stands little chance of getting any court time with the Sixers IF he is called up, which I doubt he will be, the Sixers only have one open roster spot, and they want to use that on a big.

    I watch every Sixers game and the Sixers subreddit was a blast last night watching Mac win, but that’s probably all we will see of him in the red, white, and blue.

  86. 86.

    Tom Levenson

    @kalakal: Ooof.

    This whole thing about performance SUVs has me going “huh?”

    But the Porsche truck arguably saved the company. Maserati has one (I’ve seen it in the wild, even). Folks w. more money than sense seem to like them.

  90. 90.

    eddie blake

    @cintibud: he’s got some really tremendous skills and athleticism. he’s also really the only backup randle has.  it’s just that thibs is real finnicky with his lineups  and is afraid to play them at the same time.

    the problem is, randle is clearly playing all-star caliber basketball. thibs needs to find a better way to balance minutes

    eta- really the difference in play quality between nerlens noel and hartenstein when mitch went down points to the value toppin has for the knicks on the pine.

     

    also, SO love that dude wears #1… he’s obi-1…

  92. 92.

    Miss Bianca

    Open thread? I would like to report that my theater, whose movie screen went dark almost exactly three years ago, is finally back! Between COVID and projector issues exacerbated by COVID, we didn’t know when we’d ever be showing movies again. But now my office is shaking to the soundtrack of Top Gun: Maverick. Woot!

  93. 93.

    Another Scott

    @Omnes Omnibus: Made me look.  I knew that Ford owned them for a while… Wikipedia:

    In July 2022, Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund (PIF) will take a stake in the company through a £78 million equity placing as well as a £575 million separate rights issue, giving it two board seats in the company. After the rights issue, the Saudi fund will have a 16.7% stake in Aston Martin, behind the 18.3% holding by Stroll’s Yew Tree consortium while the Mercedes-Benz Group will own 9.7%.[148][149][150] In September 2022, Chinese automaker Geely acquired a 7.6% stake in the company.[151][152][153] In December 2022, Stroll and the Yew Tree consortium increased their stake in the company to 28.29%.[154][155]

    Looks like an awful lot of cooks in that kitchen…

    Dunno what that means going forward.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  97. 97.

    HumboldtBlue

    @Miss Bianca:

    Fantastic!

    @Another Scott:

    Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund (PIF)

    That same fund now owns one of the sleeping giants of English and European football — Newcastle United — much to the chagrin of nearly everyone but Geordies.

  100. 100.

    Jager

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I’m a lifelong skier, I’m pretty good, NASTAR Gold level. A guy I know was on the US development team in the 60s, he had a brand new pair of 190cm Head Downhill racing skis. I put a set of bindings on them and used them off and on for a few seasons in the 80s. I usually ski Vokl 207 cm skis. Those old Heads were really fast, easy to turn at speed, and almost impossible to turn at slow speeds. I skied from the top of Norway Face to the lodge at Arapahoe Basin, my legs were burning so badly that I thought my pants were going to catch fire.

  101. 101.

    cmorenc

    @twbrandt:

    Far more important than “can you go fast on skis without killing yourself” is whether you can do so without killing someone else.  There is a prominent sign at the entrance to the tram at snowbird ski are in Utah that says: “you were doing 55…she was 5”

  103. 103.

    Jager

    @Jager:  I don’t know what I was thinking, the Head Downhill skis were 8 inches longer than my regular skis, wider and stiffer. I not going out to the garage and dig them out to get the exact length

  104. 104.

    billcinsd

    @HumboldtBlue: much to the chagrin of nearly everyone but Geordies.

    and ManU fans are all “oil me up”, as they hope the Qataris who haven’t made it work at PSG push out the Glazers

  106. 106.

    Brachiator

    @HumboldtBlue:

    And in much sadder news, if it hasn’t been mentioned yet, Richard Belzer has died.

    Sad news. I remember seeing him perform as a comedian a number of times on TV. Really enjoyed his work on the series “Homicide” one of the truly great TV shows.

  109. 109.

    prostratedragon

    @Jackie: ​ I remember a friend and mentor whose family lost a thriving half-section in the Sacremento valley. He and his sister wound up in Chicago. I found their names and those of their parents (not a common surname) in that new registry.

  110. 110.

    Cheryl from Maryland

    @kalakal: I got bruises from being hit with a slam from a bird when I played varsity badminton in the 1970s. It has only become faster as the years passed.

  111. 111.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Jager: Yeah, downhill racing skis just do not respond at any rational speed.  I used to ski a pair 195 Dynastar GS racers.  I have been renting for a while, but I think I want to get a pair of Volkl all-mountain skis next.  Shaped skis are a very different animal.  I am back to skis shorter than I am.

  112. 112.

    Brachiator

    @Kent:

    And for that matter, whatever tax increases might go into effect in 2025 were voted on my Republicans not Democrats.

    All Biden has to is send it back and say “fix the part about taxpayers under $400,000.”

    The Democrats will actually have to do something. They just can’t “send it back.”

    Provisions in the law for corporations and the rich were made permanent. But the more modest tax breaks for lower and middle income people are set to expire, unless Congress acts.

  115. 115.

    RSA

    @HumboldtBlue: His character John Munch ties together so many TV universes: Homicide, The Wire, The X-Files… I always liked him as an actor. One report of his death:

    Belzer died early Sunday at his home in Bozouls in southwest France, writer Bill Scheft, a longtime friend of the actor, told The Hollywood Reporter. “He had lots of health issues, and his last words were, ‘Fuck you, motherfucker,’” Scheft said.

  116. 116.

    prostratedragon

    @Another Scott: ​ At your link it says,

    At the end of the last season in which he played, Bogues ranked twelfth all-time in assists and thirteenth all-time in assists per game in NBA history.

    So that’s one way a small player can be useful. On defense, he was pretty good at steals — imagine being 6-7 and trying to keep track of him — and from what I recall, when his lateral movement was good he could herd the handler toward a big guy pretty well, the border collie defense.

  119. 119.

    dp

    I’m a Pelicans fan, so of course I was pulling for Trey Murphy, but, yeah, McClung deserved that win.

  120. 120.

    dp

    @raven: If you begin watching the NBA regularly, going back to college games is like going from Division 1 to high school.  (I had LSU basketball season tickets for a dozen years, and a son who played in HS, so I know of which I speak!)

  122. 122.

    dp

    @Immanentize: It’s a two-way contract, which means he can rotate between the NBA team and the G-League team.  Jose Alvarado (who participated in Murphy’s slam-dunk opener) started out on a two-way contract last year before graduating to a fully guaranteed deal.  (BTW, Alvarado was both the only player in the Rising Stars tournament who was undrafted and the series MVP!)

  123. 123.

    raven

    @dp: Don’t matter to me. I know plenty of people who say the same thing about college football vs the bigs. They don’t live in Athens, GA!

  125. 125.

    Professor Bigfoot

    @James E Powell: HUGE Cavs fan here and have been enjoying the hell out of this squad. Last year was such a revelation- nobody expected us to do as well as we did, even if we missed the playoffs.

    Now, can this team get past the first round?

  126. 126.

    prostratedragon

    @Jackie: ​Unfortunately “Chuck” died in the ’80s. We last heard from his sister around 15 years ago and I never ran across her contact in my father’s things; she would be in her upper 90s. Neither of them had children. Still, it felt like a vindication of sorts to see their names. If there is more distant fsmily I’m sure they could find the facts if they wished.

  127. 127.

    Paul in KY

    @trollhattan: Alot of it is in the stopping and turning. Schiffren is a amazing athlete. It does take big skirt for her to whip down those terrible hills like she and the rest do.

Comments are closed.