Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

The willow is too close to the house.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

This really is a full service blog.

Everybody saw this coming.

I was promised a recession.

White supremacy is terrorism.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Not all heroes wear capes.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

You cannot shame the shameless.

You are here: Home / Music / TGIFriday Morning Open Thread: Slava Ukraini!

TGIFriday Morning Open Thread: Slava Ukraini!

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Brad Paisley, (as always) one of the good guys:

On Friday, the one-year anniversary of the war’s start, Paisley is releasing a new song called “Same Here,” featuring Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy speaking proudly about his country and people.

The song is Paisley’s first from his new record, “Son of the Mountains,” to be released later this year on Universal Music Group Nashville.

While it doesn’t mention Ukraine specifically, the song ends with Paisley and Zelenskyy in conversation, recorded during a video call. Zelenskyy talks about Ukrainians’ desire for freedom, adding “There is no distance between our two countries in such values.”…

Paisley is one of several celebrity ambassadors for Ukraine’s United24 crowdfunding effort, and has donated his time for other fundraising efforts to assist Ukrainians. But even he thought it would be a long shot to have the direct involvement of Zelenskyy, who has traveled the world advocating for Ukraine’s military and recovery efforts.

“I think he understands that art is how you reach the most people, especially in the heart,” Paisley said of Zelenskyy, who was an actor and comedian before becoming president…

Paisley’s royalties for the song will be donated to United24 to help build housing for thousands of displaced Ukrainians whose homes were destroyed in the war, he said. Using his platform to advocate for causes important to him has always been part of his career, whether it was opening a free grocery store in Nashville with his wife, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, or fighting hunger by donating 1 million meals during the pandemic…

Paisley, who has visited U.S. troops in Afghanistan, said he’s been invited to visit Ukraine, which he’d like to do. In the meantime, he hopes the song’s message will bolster the country now facing down year two of the war.

“That’s where it gets really rewarding… feeling like maybe the heart of this helps paint the picture they want to paint,” Paisley said.

Reader Interactions

198Comments

  6. 6.

    Honus

    Brad is from Glen Dale, about fifteen miles down the river from our blog host.  Lady Gaga’s mom is from nearby and went to the same high school as Brad.

  7. 7.

    trnc

    Sorry, OT already, but after letting MGT’s antics percolate for a bit (ugh), I think the WH response to any mouth noises she craps out would be to treat her and her ilk as the biggest spoiled children in the world. We have record low unemployment, we’ve cut the deficit since taking over from DT, inflation is coming down and we’re helping a country whose people are being murdered in hospitals, houses and playgrounds. We have people here who still need serious help, but instead of tackling the problem, MGT screams about every tired conspiracy theory she can dream of. Grow Up!

    Of something like that.

  8. 8.

    brendancalling

    Brad Paisley is one of the only mainstream pop country artists that still makes music that’s recognizable as country music. He IS a good guy, and as a country music fan and musician, I’m getting verklempt.

    Slava Ukraini,  Putin Khuylo, and fuck Russia.

  9. 9.

    Baud

    @trnc: The White House isn’t going to take her bait.  I wouldn’t put it past one of the press corpse to ask them about her though.

  11. 11.

    WereBear

    @Baud: The value of every R in the House is to demonstrate to everyone they will do what they say they will.

    It’s a cult. It’s official now. I’m sure there are rules that can — surprise surprise! — apply to rich white men if we really want to do it.

    I want everyone to want that.

  12. 12.

    WereBear

    I am hopeful about Ukraine, and will repeat that Senator Clyburn was either prescient or brilliant and we will take either.

    NATO turned out to be crucial and we got a President who can spell it.

  14. 14.

    trnc

    @Baud: That’s what I was thinking – the press briefing. She and the other nuts are predictable. If someone doesn’t ask about the particular BS she spewed on Hannity, there will be plenty more incidents that will rate a question sooner or later.

  16. 16.

    OzarkHillbilly

    At Hospital Number One, on the eastern side of the city, Serhiy Mudryi, a traumatologist, arrives for a two-day shift on 28 February. It is too dangerous to move around the city, so Mudryi sleeps at the hospital. His shift will end up lasting 40 days; he leaves only once, to collect his family and bring them back to the hospital, giving them beds in an empty ward.

    Most of the other doctors flee, and soon there is just a skeleton team remaining at the hospital: Mudryi, two surgeons, an anaesthesiologist and a couple of nurses.

    Arrivals are frequent, both soldiers and civilians. Before long, the ambulances stop running and patients arrive in private cars, driven by relatives frantic with worry. It takes a lot to shock a traumatologist with two decades of experience, but the minced flesh and crushed bodies Mudryi is seeing every day turn his stomach.

    The doctors do not have the time for the complicated operations required to save limbs. “Post-operation, wounds require lots of care, there is a huge risk of infection and gangrene, and then dying from it,” Mudryi explains to patients. Now, whenever there is a serious injury, the doctors amputate. The patient will lose an arm or a leg but have more chance of staying alive.

    As the fighting shifts into the suburbs and more buildings come under fire, many people who live close to the hospital arrive and move into the hospital basements. One 92-year-old woman tells Mudryi she has come because she remembers hiding in the same place during the second world war.

    “Now, whenever there is a serious injury, the doctors amputate. The patient will lose an arm or a leg but have more chance of staying alive.” I am reminded of pictures from the Civil war of piles of amputated arms and legs. Some things never change.

  20. 20.

    kalakal

    The GQP are no longer even attempting to hide what they are. MGT is the GQP, not some one off kook, it’s important normies know that.

    On a happier note respect to Brad Paisley, definitely a Good Guy.

    That’s a really good song and this is from someone who’s knowledge of country music is

    We got both kinds

  21. 21.

    zhena gogolia

    Сла́ва Украї́ні!

    Героям слава!

    🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦

    ETA: Those accent marks shouldn’t be there

    ETA: My colors disappeared!

  26. 26.

    WereBear

    @Kay: It’s just wild. Whole categories of speech are banned. Entire concepts.

    Welcome to the wingnut brain. Void of entire concepts to use in decision making.

    Which is why things always go badly for them.

  28. 28.

    WereBear

    Mr WereBear had gotten me to watch Hitler’s Henchmen on Netflix with him, “Because it looks good and I think we can, now.”

    I was glad. The parallels were eerie. Their mix of actors with archival footage made it especially mesmerizing. I know a lot but still learned more. There was something about the 10 episode arc that put a timeline and motivations into perspective in a new way.

  29. 29.

    Kay

    Here’s the lemming-like ninnies who signed on to the Harpers Letter – the pompous and overwrought “Letter” that launched the panic over “wokeness”.

    Let’s see how many of them speak out over the proposed new laws in Florida that have Right wing political appointees deciding what can and cannot be discussed on college campuses.

  30. 30.

    Jeffro

    I think it was one of the Lincoln Project guys who tweeted yesterday that “it’s not necessary for an opposition party to knee-jerk oppose EVERYTHING that the other party’s president supports”

    (or something like that)

    but…trumpov loves Putin and is in Putin’s pocket is on Putin’s side, so the cultists must also love Putin

    and President Biden has been highly successful in helping Ukraine resist the Russian invasion…so…there’s no possible way to agree with him, even on this incredibly important national security issue…

    I wonder what the GOP’s reaction would be if there was a (normal) Republican president in office, and China invaded Taiwan, and the U.S. was helping Taiwan repel the Chinese?  Would it be okay to heap lies on the Republican president?  Would it be okay to insult him and show national disunity while he was visiting Taiwan?  Somehow, I suspect NOT

  31. 31.

    sab

    @Kay: On the plus side, this could be a great time for non-Florida university systems to lure away some first rate academics.

  35. 35.

    Kay

    @Baud:

    Ugh. Weingarten signed the Harper’s Letter. Embarrassing. What a dope. It never occurred to her that Right wingers, who hate public schools and hope to abolish them would use this panic she helped spread against public school teachers?

    Randi Weingarten, American Federation of Teachers

  38. 38.

    Betty Cracker

    @Kay: It’s absolutely horrifying — they’re just going to burn the whole thing down, and no one is going to stop them. The morons who voted for this hard-right takeover are crowing about it and always hated public education, but I’m more incensed at the people who would theoretically like to keep our world-class university system but can’t be arsed to pay attention to what’s happening. It’s crazy-making.

  39. 39.

    Chief Oshkosh

    @Betty Cracker: Yep. I’ve actively steered mentees away from TX for some time, and now do the same for FL. Unfortunately, there’s plenty of examples where conservatives have killed their formerly-first-class higher education systems. WI is heading that way. CA went that way and has now made back serious ground, but still isn’t where is was prior to the Reagan “revolution.”

    The people fucking with these systems aren’t stupid or misguided. They know what they’re doing. They simply do not, at all, believe in a democratic (small “d”) society.

  40. 40.

    Betty Cracker

    @Jeffro: There’s an article at The Bulwark about the push by Fox News hosts to reduce public support for Ukraine in the U.S. and the Republicans who are going along with that (the usual MAGA dopes) and others who are pushing back. It’s probably too early to say how it will ultimately play out, but so far, it’s looking like the pro-Putin faction has the upper hand in the party.

  42. 42.

    brendancalling

    @WaterGirl: This could take awhile. First of all, ALL country music, good or bad, is pop, or at least is shooting for pop. But that’s a topic for another time. As for my own views on mainstream country?

    I forget who said it, but “hip hop for white people whoa re scared of black people.” Tom Petty described is as “bad rock with a fiddle… generic.”

    I’m not talking about people like Jason Isbel or any of the other under-the-radar or alt-country perofrmers. I’m talking about bands like Florida Georgia Line, Big and Rich, Blake Shelton, Kelsey Ballerini, Jason Aldean, Little Big Town, Lady Antebellum, and the like. It’s pure fucking garbage, written by marketers. Ever notice how much product placement there is in pop country?

    A few years back, someone did a video on youtube where they blended the past year’s worth of country together—half the intro from one song, a quarter of another intro, a quarter of a different intro, and then wove different verses from different songs in. It was all the same song, all the same production, and all the same backing musicians. You can watch it here.

  45. 45.

    Kay

    @Betty Cracker:

    but can’t be arsed to pay attention to what’s happening. It’s crazy-making.

    Oh, you have my sympathy. My state is falling further and further into corruption. There is, right now, a huge and really shocking trial in Ohio regarding a billion dollar corruption scandal. No one cares.

  46. 46.

    MisterDancer

    @WereBear: Which is why things always go badly for them.

    But it’s far, far more horrifying for the people that are harmed along the way.

    And given some of the systems they have implemented, that can be DECADES of accrued harm. Fuckin’ generational trauma.

    There is no real upside, here.

  48. 48.

    Geminid

    @Betty Cracker: Among elected officials, the pro-Ukraine Republicans seem to have the upper hand in the Senate. In the House, the pro-Ukraine group seems to balance the pro-Russian, although they get less attention. The problem there is that most of the caucus is on the fence, waiting to see which way the wind blows, both in the war and in public opinion here.

  49. 49.

    Kay

    @Baud:

    without dire professional consequences.

    They were FORCED to sit thru a DEI training! Twenty year old social justice warriors on the internet told them they’re old and out of touch and not cool and edgy anymore! This will not stand!

    Meanwhile they’re potted plants while a state with 22 million people, Florida, restricts speech by law.

  51. 51.

    Soprano2

    So, today is my birthday – I turned 62. From now on my birth date will be associated with the start of this awful war. I know someone whose birthday is on September 11th, at least I don’t have that!

    On another note, I put a GPS unit in my husband’s vehicle this week so I can quit worrying about where he is when I come home and his vehicle isn’t there. It’s taken me over a year to come to terms with the fact that his memory is starting to fail. I think it’s from his diabetes, which is not well controlled, plus his father had some type of dementia in his waning years. The first time something strange happened with his memory was in August of 2021, when he came to my office and said he couldn’t remember how to get to our cat vet’s office. He’d only been there a couple of times, so I didn’t think much of it. There continued to be little things like that until December 2021, when he walked home from the mall – about 4 miles from our house – because he was convinced his vehicle had been stolen! (He didn’t think to stop at a store and call me, or to call me from the mall, which should have been a big clue right there that something wasn’t right). When we went to the mall to look for his Blazer, we found it. Evidently he went out a different entrance than he had used to go in, and when he didn’t see his vehicle he thought it wasn’t there.  Trust me I could go on and on about the obvious evidence – I figured out that one of his medications had run out and he never refilled it, because he kept forgetting to take his pills. I put them out on the sink counter every morning now so he’ll remember to take them.

    When hubby went to the doctor in October I went with him. I told the doctor I had concerns about his memory, so they gave him that simple memory test. The doctor said it showed “mild memory impairment”, which could be expected for someone who was 75. He didn’t ask me one question about why I was concerned. Think about that – you’ve been someone’s doctor for years, and suddenly his wife shows up at his appointment and says she has concerns about his memory, and you don’t ask even one question! The next day hubby went to a local hospital to get blood drawn for his diabetes doctor (instead of going to his doctor’s office like he was supposed to!), and HE SAT THERE ALL DAY BECAUSE HE COULDN’T REMEMBER WHERE HE PARKED HIS VEHICLE! He called our house toward the end of the day to ask me to come and pick him up. So his doctor was no help at all. He has an appointment with the diabetes doctor on March 2nd, and I am going to INSIST that we talk about this issue, because I need the doctor’s help to get him evaluated (he doesn’t think there’s much wrong, that it’s just an age thing). So, I put a GPS in his vehicle so I won’t have to freak out about where he is when I come home and his vehicle isn’t there. Sorry about the length of this, I’ve only told a couple of people so I don’t have anyone to talk to about it

    Here’s another thing I think about a lot with this – he has multiple firearms in the house, and he knows how to use them. I’m kind of scared that if he is diagnosed with some kind of dementia he’ll try to use them on himself, yet I still feel that we need to know what we’re dealing with. When you say those vows “in sickness or in health”, this is part of that. I feel that I’m responsible for making sure he’s taken care of. That may include finding somewhere else for his firearms to live once we start this process.

  53. 53.

    Betty Cracker

    @Kay: I’m constantly disappointed by how little traction corruption scandals get! These people are stealing from you — you should care about that!  ;-)

  55. 55.

    MisterDancer

    @Chief Oshkosh: They know what they’re doing. They simply do not, at all, believe in a democratic (small “d”) society.

    This is why I keep comparing these efforts about Jim Crow, as much as I know it’s speaking the obvious to many. In this case, the trashing of the Southern Educational system to enforce Segregation had horrific knock-on effects to the quality of education across America, for decades.

    And even past that — we forget the old fights over the Texas textbooks and Evolution, but up into the 1980s there were vicious fights because the Texas state purchases influenced the textbooks across the country, and thus how much of Evolutionary Theory was actually taught to Biology students. And that’s a fight that reared itself again as recent as 2014.

    FL is going to be a test bed for The Right to utterly demolish every bit of equality. Taking over control of schools and “proving” that you can basically have statewide, state-controlled Bob Jones Universities is a horrific idea that will gain traction if this effort succeeds. And it is, of course, only one of many freedom-destroying, Jim Crow 2.0 concepts that DeSantis and his cronies are implementing.

    Please don’t sleep on this.

  57. 57.

    Baud

    @Betty Cracker: IMHO it’s one of the side effects of rhetoric that calls every politician corrupt.  Once you put them all in a corruption blob, it becomes difficult to differentiate among them based on the level of corruption.

  61. 61.

    Mike E

    @WereBear: The Rise (and Fall) of the Nazis, recently on PBS, was well done, 3 episodes on the consolidation of power in the ’30s and three around the invasion of Russia right up to the bitter end. The narration focuses on the inevitable arc of history and the dramatic depictions give it heft.

  64. 64.

    Betty Cracker

    @Baud: Definitely true, though the overwhelming influence of money in our political system and laws that basically legalize bribery contribute to the problem along with both-sides media bullshit, IMO. Still, you’d think on a micro level, there would be some consequences for folks who get caught. Nope.

  66. 66.

    citizen dave

    Yesterday I was checking tour dates for my favorite bass player/rock eccentric, Les Claypool (Primus) and came across this tune.  It has Stewart Copeland on drums and a guy from Gogol Bordello; and Sean Lennon. Also incorporates Ukrainian.   I humbly present:
    Claypool, Hütz, Copeland, Lennon, Ryabtsev, & Strings – “Zelensky: The Man With the Iron Balls”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BowjATQloV

    ETA: I see it is 10 months old–shows you how long it’s been since I visited lesclaypool.com.

  70. 70.

    Baud

    @Betty Cracker: Hopefully there will be legal consequences in this case. Agree that the system contributes to the problem, although I think on our side we seem to have become more reliant on small-dollar donations than in the past (at the cost of email and text spam)

    ETA:  We can’t solve problems by making them bigger and more difficult to get a handle on.  I know a lot of people view incremental progress as the devil, but that’s often the only feasible way to move forward.

  72. 72.

    Josie

    @Soprano2: ​
     You are wise to be concerned. If the diabetes doctor is not helpful, you should look for one who is. What you are describing is not just aging. I am almost 80, and do have some memory loss, such as trying to think of a word that escapes me momentarily. I’ve never gotten lost or not remembered where I parked my car. My mother suffered severe memory loss, and these are some of the same problems that surfaced early on. You need a doctor who is well aware of memory loss issues and of medications that could be helpful or harmful. There are medications available now that could help.
    Let us know how things are going and vent here whenever you need to. This is not an easy road.

  74. 74.

    brendancalling

    @WaterGirl: Now, on a positive note, here are some truly GREAT country and country adjacent bands. I won’t throw in links because then I’ll wind up in mod-world.

    Pat Reedy and the Longtime Goners

    Elizabeth Cook

    The Royal Hounds

    Sierra Ferrel

    Willie Carlisle

    Leo Rondeau

    Josh Hedley

    Nikki Lane

    That’s for starters. It’s high quality, original country that sounds like country.

  75. 75.

    Jeffro

    @zhena gogolia: OMG – can we just run that insanity on cable all weekend every weekend?

    How Republican voters manage to keep their heads up, knowing that THIS is the quality of their representation, I’ll never understand.

  76. 76.

    Kay

    @Baud:

    oh forget that, Baud

    that letter is insufferable. They were all just worried about their stupid careers. Wei garden especially! Half those pompous “signers” are right now inciting a trans panic.

  79. 79.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Soprano2: You have my sympathies, I watched (and helped) my mother deal with this for years and when she began the long slow decline ending in her death I had to take over. It’s not easy.

    I suggest you not wait on securing the firearms. Either in a safe or with somebody you are close to. Not so much because he might use them on himself but because he might get confused and shoot an “intruder” who is actually a family member or friend.

  80. 80.

    Baud

    @Kay: I have often felt that some liberals suffer from a neurosis that makes them want to be seen as “fair” to non-liberals, and then the fall into these traps that ends up biting them in the ass.

  82. 82.

    What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?

    @brendancalling: Yeah I like mainstream country from the ’50s to about the ’70s. After that it gets pretty slim pickings. There are some good alt country artists out there but the last guy I liked who had any breakthrough success on the mainstream country charts was Lyle Lovett and he was not part of the Nashville machine.

    I really like the Jayhawks to this day and they were considered one of the first “alt country” bands back in the day but I’m not sure they ever really qualified as alt country. They were more folk rock – the first 3 albums featured dual harmonies from Gary Louris and and Mark Olson that were reminiscent of the Everly Brothers. Then when Olson left the band the harmonies got more Byrds-esque. But they came out of rock (like Uncle Tupelo) rather than the country scene.

    Groups like the Drive By Truckers (and Jason Isbell who is an offshoot from them), Tift Merritt, Allison Kraus, Josh Ritter and Lucinda Williams are more linked to the country music scene than Uncle Tupelo or the Jayhawks ever were. I guess Lovett is in that group too.

  84. 84.

    gvg

    @Soprano2: I would say start hiding the firearms and ammo one by one, but…..you know, I bet you aren’t the first person who has faced this. See if there is some expert advice on this on steps to take. Because I don’t know anything about guns.  Like I said, someone has probably already figured this out.

  85. 85.

    Betty Cracker

    @Geminid: Good point about the pro-Ukraine faction within the GOP being quieter. I was thinking a lot will depend on whom Repubs pick as their standard-bearer in 2024, and so far, the pro-Putin people are the strongest contenders (Trump and DeSantis). But you’re right to point out that there are tons of other factors, like what happens on the ground in Ukraine.

  86. 86.

    Ladyraxterinok

    @MisterDancer:

    The OK State Superintendent of Education (R of course) asked the state universities to supply a list of every DEI course or program ‘ our people are supporting unwillingly through their hard-earned tax dollars’

  87. 87.

    Kay

    @Baud:

    Gloria Steinem – she doesn’t have anything better to do in the current climate than join with a bunch of bitter middle aged, career- obsessed ninnies in starting a panic?

  88. 88.

    Cameron

    @WaterGirl: DeSantis controls both the legislature and the judiciary here.  Unless ACLU can bring something at the Federal level, there isn’t much it can do.

  89. 89.

    gvg

    @MisterDancer: I really think it is a clear violation of the first amendment and should get slapped down in the first court it goes to. Every court right away. What I would like is for lawyers to put every legislator who votes yes on this who has a law degree up to the bar association to lose their license to practice law and be sanctioned. Humiliate them like that right away. Then I am sure they will appeal up the court system, but I think this is such a bad law that they courts should not grant the usual delay until all appeals are heard on overturning it since that is supposed to only be granted when there is a chance of a different ruling.

  90. 90.

    Soprano2

    @Baud: Nope, he has never had a mobile phone of any kind. As it is I have to make sure he has his diabetes monitor on or near him most of the time, because for example he cannot remember that he needs to take it to bed with him. If he had a cell phone it probably would have been lost already.

  92. 92.

    kalakal

    @Soprano2: Happy birthday!

    That is so hard about your husband. And do scary. Someone above mentioned phone tracking, I’d do that. I hope you find a doctor who listens to your concerns. My mother had severe memory problems in old age but the diagnoses and medications have improved since, there’s a lot of things it could be.

    With her it started with small incidents but got a lot worse. It can be very serious, I hope you get a doctor who knows this stuff soon

  93. 93.

    lowtechcyclist

    @Soprano2: My sympathies.  And I’ll join you in calling bullshit on ‘this is just an age thing’ – unless one puts age-related dementia under that heading.

    Having watched my wife’s grandmother, and more recently my own mother, go from what seemed like normal incidents of forgetfulness to full-blown dementia, this sure sounds familiar.  Though in both their cases it started later (early to mid 80s) and the evolution was slower, so I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband’s case is diabetes-related, given how quickly it’s gotten severe.

    I hope you can get one of his doctors to take this seriously, because damn, this is serious.  For someone to go that quickly from someone who was basically normal to someone you’re quite reasonably afraid to let out the door on their own, that’s scary – not that you need me to tell you that.

    And speaking of scary, is there anywhere safe where you can stash his firearms? Is there a friend who’d volunteer their attic? The sooner he can’t access the guns, the better.

  95. 95.

    Cameron

    These Florida changes won’t deter residents who can’t afford to go out of state or party-animal fuckups from rich families (residents or not).

  96. 96.

    Soprano2

    @Josie: Thank you. I might ask his diabetes doctor to recommend a gerontologist, and just fire his G.P., because that man is not a good doctor. I suspect his G.P probably thinks I’m just a worrywart who is exaggerating, and who is mistaking regular memory loss for dementia. I am not, my grandfather had dementia so I am well aware of what it is and what it can do, and of the signs. I think about what would be happening if he didn’t have me, and I shudder at how bad it would be. He is also slowly withdrawing, he doesn’t do the things he used to do and he spends most of the day on the couch. He doesn’t even check our investment account much anymore, which is something he used to monitor closely every day.

  97. 97.

    Baud

    @Soprano2: I’m sorry. That’s tough.  It’s not the same, but my mother was hard to corral when she started to lose her faculties.  It caused a lot of worry.

  98. 98.

    gvg

    @WaterGirl: Actually where have they been since Trump was elected? They got a huge surge in donations when he was elected and I haven’t heard anything since. They really have not been in the news in awhile. they were in the Bush years…

  101. 101.

    Soprano2

    @OzarkHillbilly: We’re not near there yet, but I do understand that’s a danger. It’s why I’m thinking about it now. He still has most of his intellect, he just has a hard time remembering things or just forgets things altogether.

  102. 102.

    kalakal

    • @Soprano2: The withdrawal thing is something I’ve seen with my mother and others. My mother was a very outgoing and social person and she stopped going out. I asked her and she said she was having trouble remembering people she’d met and if she went out and didn’t recognize someone they’d think she was being rude and blanking them. It’s very hard and my sympathies and best wishes for you both
  103. 103.

    artem1s

    @Kay:
     

    It’s just wild. Whole categories of speech are banned. Entire concepts.

    As long as they don’t ban football no one will make a peep. I’m assuming they will be doing away with Title IX enforcement too?

  104. 104.

    Soprano2

    @WaterGirl: Because he would ask me what I was doing and insist on me not doing it. For now there isn’t any danger, I think the danger will start when we get an actual diagnosis. At that point I’ll feel comfortable doing something about it.

  106. 106.

    Frankensteinbeck

    To echo and add to what @brendancalling: said, someone did a statistical analysis and the amount of repetition in the most popular country music is mammoth.  The repetition is cultural markers.  Women in skinny jeans.  Pickup trucks.  Dirt roads.  Mainstream country music is just a way of signaling which side you’re on now, and a fantasy world of what they imagine their side is.

    But thankfully, that may be the large majority of country, but it’s not all of it.  There are good performers and liberal performers and some weird sub genres.  As a goth, I’m fond of psychobilly, but I must warn it makes death metal look sweet and friendly.

    Separately, there are conventional liberal wisdom narratives that I’ve always disagreed with, and I decided I overfocus on correcting.  I’m going to try to be less repetitive and one-note.

  107. 107.

    Josie

    @Soprano2: Getting a gerontologist would be a good first step, particularly one who is versed in memory issues. I fired two doctors before I found one who was more helpful with my mom. You might also look for a support group for yourself. These are not easy issues to deal with, and you need to have the support of people who have been there.

  108. 108.

    Princess

    @Soprano2: I’m really sorry. We’ve been dealing with this with my mother. Your husband may genuinely be in the stage called “mild cognitive impairment” and he could stay in that stage and never get worse, or he could progress into full dementia of some kind. He might be fine in normal settings and become completely confused in an unusual setting (that’s what the ‘forgetting where the car is’ stuff sounds like to me). My mother is still basically fine in her very small world, even though her disease has progressed somewhat. The thing about those tests is that, if you’re very educated and verbal, it is easier to score higher on them than your decline warrants. Based on my mother’s functioning we knew she had dementia and her doctor knew it but the test was still not showing it. So she had my mother do the clock test — the person is asked to draw a clock face and put the hands at ten minutes to eleven. She completely bombed it. You might ask the diabetes doctor to refer you to a gerontologist and get them to do the clock test. At the very least, it gives you a baseline. Good luck!

  109. 109.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Soprano2: Good, I’m glad you still have time to look at all the possible solutions. A lot of people just poopooh the problem until there is a tragedy. It’s scary stuff. My old man had a .22 he hadn’t shot in years. I took it out early in his decline and I don’t think he ever even noticed it was gone. The car keys on the other hand… Yeah, he threw a fit when they disappeared.

  110. 110.

    Old School

    Country star Brad Paisley is releasing a new song that features Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy

    I assume Zelenskyy plays piano on the track.

  115. 115.

    Geminid

    @Betty Cracker: House and Senate Democrats plus Republican Senate leadership did well to include $44 billion in military aid to Ukraine in last December’s Ominibus bill. We’re spending that in increments as munitions and equipment become available. I believe another $2 billion tranch was announced today.

    My guess is that this appropriation will suffice until June or so. Then there may be a Congressional on Ukraine aid. Hopefully after the debt ceiling wrangle is resolved by then.

    Ukraine already has a lot of reasons to get the Russians on the run by summer, so this is just one more.

  116. 116.

    kalakal

    @Geminid:

    Among elected officials, the pro-Ukraine Republicans seem to have the upper hand in the Senate. In the House, the pro-Ukraine group seems to balance the pro-Russian, although they get less attention

    I think you’re right on this

    The problem there is that most of the caucus is on the fence, waiting to see which way the wind blows, both in the war and in public opinion here.

    A successful Ukranian counter offensive will send public support soaring. Short of an outright Russian victory ( which isn’t going to happen) a long dragged out, bloody stalemate is what the traitors in the GQP want, they can exploit war weariness

  118. 118.

    Soprano2

    @Dorothy A. Winsor: Probably not, but I don’t think he could walk that far now. I’ve tried to get him to exercise, but he won’t do it. It’s not a bad idea, I just think he wouldn’t wear one of those “newfangled watches”.

  120. 120.

    Deputinize Eurasia from the Kuriles to St Petersburg

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    So speaking of that song, for those of us who are listening to the Ethics and Substance Abuse CLE of Alex Murdaugh testifying on his own behalf, we have some new entries for the list of subjects in that song, all done in a down-home drawl:

    – Bubba the Dawg

    – Bubba with a chicken in his mouth

    – PaulPaul

    – RoRo

    – Oxycontin

    This is a trial about what passes to be a superlawyer in the Deep South, massive thievery that should have been caught at several points, the privilege afforded to white nepo babies, coddling, and extensive criminal networks within the justice system.

    The man testified to gobbling at least 2000 mg of Oxy a day, for years.

  121. 121.

    Soprano2

    @OzarkHillbilly: OH, that is going to be bad even though he doesn’t drive that much anymore. Luckily I’ve mostly had the newer vehicle, so I already drove us most places. He doesn’t want to admit that he can’t remember where things are anymore. I now have to go to all his appointments because I’m not sure if he remembers where places are. I have to go to the dog vet because he missed two appointments because he can’t remember how to get there anymore. He keeps asking why I go, and I tell him I want to know what the vet says, which is the truth!

  122. 122.

    Old School

    Some people just won’t stay canceled.

    Dr. Seuss fans might find their hearts growing three sizes this coming holiday season with the release of a sequel to the 1957 classic children’s book “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”

  123. 123.

    Deputinize Eurasia from the Kuriles to St Petersburg

    @Soprano2:

    Take the ammo, put cable locks in everything, keep the keys in a location that only you control.

  125. 125.

    Deputinize Eurasia from the Kuriles to St Petersburg

    Also – You might lip air tags (or tiles, or some similar thing) into his car, his wallet, and his most frequently worn shoes.

  126. 126.

    UncleEbeneezer

    @brendancalling: I played drums for a modern country band for about a year and had to learn 4 sets of material from all those artists you mentioned.  The easy part was that they were all basically rock grooves, which I had been playing forever.  The hard part was remembering which songs were which because they were all so similar.  And many were cheesy AF.  I wasn’t a big traditional C&W fan so for me they weren’t that different than the classics (though I definitely prefer the latter, just not by much).  The gigs themselves were about an hour outside of Los Angeles, all white and looking back, probably filled with Insurrectionists.  But they were fun at the time and I got paid!

  128. 128.

    Betty Cracker

    @Deputinize Eurasia from the Kuriles to St Petersburg: I’m finding the trial fascinating due to familiarity with the species. In my county, the ruling class now comprises the dumb nepo babies I went to high school with, who took over from their dumb corrupt parents, who took over from theirs, etc.

    Do you think Murdaugh’s testimony sank his case or helped his cause? Or is it too soon to tell? That they put him on the stand at all seems like a sign of weakness, but I’m just a peanut gallery looky-loo, not an attorney, so…

  131. 131.

    Tony Jay

    @brendancalling:

      Lady Antebellum

    I was recently informed by a British quiz show that they’re now known as Lady A, having decided that ‘Antebellum’ was a little too ‘Dixieland’s Proud Heritage’ and not something they wanted anyone to think they approved of or were promoting.

    And the Dixie Chicks are now ‘The Chicks’, for the same reason. Which is nice.

  132. 132.

    kindness

    Remember when the Dixie Chicks got slammed because they said they didn’t like Dubya Bush?  I’m wondering if right wingers are going to try to do that with Brad Paisley now.

  133. 133.

    UncleEbeneezer

    Paisley seems like a good guy but he did do that extremely cringe-worthy song Accidental Racist with LL Cool J.  Don’t know if he wrote them but Brad’s lyrics were:

    To the man that waited on meAt the Starbucks down on MainI hope you understandWhen I put on that t-shirtThe only thing I meant to sayIs I’m a Skynyrd fanThe red flag on my chest somehow isLike the elephant in the corner of the southAnd I just walked him right in the roomJust a proud rebel son with an ‘ol can of wormsLookin’ like I got a lot to learnBut from my point of view
    I’m just a white man comin’ to you from the southlandTryin’ to understand what it’s like not to beI’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve doneAnd it ain’t like you and me can re-write historyOur generation didn’t start this nationWe’re still pickin’ up the pieces, walkin’ on eggshells, fightin’ over yesterdayAnd caught between southern pride and southern blame
    They called it Reconstruction, fixed the buildings, dried some tearsWe’re still siftin’ through the rubble after a hundred-fifty yearsI try to put myself in your shoes and that’s a good place to beginBut it ain’t like I can walk a mile in someone else’s skin
    Cause I’m a white man livin’ in the southlandJust like you I’m more than what you seeI’m proud of where I’m from but not everything we’ve doneAnd it ain’t like you and me can re-write historyOur generation didn’t start this nationAnd we’re still paying for the mistakesThat a bunch of folks made long before we cameAnd caught somewhere between southern pride and southern blame

  136. 136.

    Deputinize Eurasia from the Kuriles to St Petersburg

    @Betty Cracker:

    I’m not buying it (nor are any of the other lawyers in my circle (which includes a lot of experience in cross-examination in criminal and civil cases, as well numerous jury trials), but its hard to estimate what credulous jurors from that region will do when faced with a thieving, narcissistic nepo sociopath that their region built from the ground up.

    My understanding is that he decided to testify against the advice of counsel – they didn’t want to put him on.

  137. 137.

    SteverinoCT

    @Soprano2:  Re: taking away the guns:

    An alternative is to disable them. While he is away, have a knowledgable person remove the firing pins: not obvious and won’t fire. Also saw a suggestion to trim/snip the end of the pin so it can be in place but still not work.

    Of course when your home is invaded, you’d be SOL.

  138. 138.

    Soprano2

    @WereBear: No, he has a Dexcom 6 monitor but he’s not good about what he eats, and I have limited control over that. From what I’ve read I’m afraid the damage has already been done if it’s from the diabetes, but that’s why he needs an evaluation.

  141. 141.

    Soprano2

    @OzarkHillbilly: Thank God I don’t have a riding mower. I pay people to mow our yard because that’s another thing he just quit doing last year, and I don’t have time to do it.

  142. 142.

    UncleEbeneezer

    But more importantly, for the fellow guitarists here, Paisley is a ridiculously talented guitarist and he also one of the biggest champions of Dr. Z Amps.  They are made in Ohio and are probably the best, most affordable boutique amp on the market.  Really excellent for rock, blues and country tones.  They can even do jazz well too (tho they are really built for classic rock, dirty tone, (not super-high gain metal tho) rather than clean/jazz).  If you ever want to upgrade your amps and step away from Fender, Marshall, Vox, etc., I highly, highly recommend Dr. Z’s.  I have the Maz Jr (no reverb) and used to have a Carmen Ghia.  Simply incredible amps that really bring out the magic from any guitar.  Just wanted to shout them out as I have had great experiences with their amps and the owner.  Really great company/people/product.

  144. 144.

    mrmoshpotato

    @kindness:

    Remember when the Dixie Chicks got slammed because they said they didn’t like Dubya Bush? I’m wondering if right wingers are going to try to do that with Brad Paisley now. 

    Something stupid no doubt.

  146. 146.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Soprano2: We figured out we needed to hide those keys when my little sis came home to find it buried to the axles in the front yard that always becomes a swamp with every 1″ rain.

  147. 147.

    kalakal

    @UncleEbeneezer:

    The easy part was that they were all basically rock grooves, which I had been playing forever.  The hard part was remembering which songs were which because they were all so similar

    I can relate to that. When playing Blues rhythm guitar  it’s so easy to get  into what key? what form? and just go on autopilot, throwing in the odd fillip and changing the turnarounds per song. That’s why I adore Robben Ford.

    As he put it “If you find playing rhythm boring, you’re doing it wrong”

  148. 148.

    AM in NC

    @Tony Jay: I always thought it was a sign of how absolutely entrenched and yet invisible misogyny is that the Dixie Chicks removed “Dixie” from their name because, of course it’s problematic, but never even thought that “Chicks” was an inappropriate way to refer to human women.

  149. 149.

    mrmoshpotato

    @Old School: Just proves to show you can’t cancel a good Grinch down – or something.

    Anyway, I eagerly await the part where he even cuts the roast beast.  Mmmmmm roast beast!

  150. 150.

    Ohio Mom

    @Kay: You can give a pass to Todd Gitlin, he died in the meantime. Some of the names on that list, what do you expect (e.g., David Brooks, Matty Y), but for many others, all I can say (in my best mother’s voice, shaking my head slowly) I expected better than that from you.

  153. 153.

    UncleEbeneezer

    @kalakal: These Country tunes were actually kind of a pain in the ass to learn, because unlike blues tunes, they had lots of slight differences like a stop here an extended bar there etc.  So I had notes like “Starts with rock groove similar to (rock song), stop after guitar solo” etc.  Which when you have 40+ of them and I wrote them in a small notebook that was hard to read while playing, made it tough, lol!

    I played in a blues/funk/soul band for a couple years and it would sometimes bore the hell out of me because all the songs were so similar.  But it gave me the opportunity to lean into comping and using other phrasings (than the other guitar and keys) to keep things interesting and really focussing on feel/groove.  In my personal listening, blues is something I can only enjoy for a couple songs before I’m ready for something else.  But it’s fun to play at a gig (as long as there’s pay!)

    FYI- Those Dr. Z amps I mentioned above, btw are really great for blues!

  154. 154.

    Ohio Mom

    @Soprano2: Ugh. I feel for you, that is not a good situation. Have you considered something like a FB group for families dealing with dementia, you may get some useful ideas or (if it is a local group) names of helpful doctors. That is what my friend did, though eventually mom ended up in memory care.

    ETA: Happy Birthday!

  156. 156.

    Soprano2

    @Ohio Mom: I’ve thought about it. I’ve talked to a couple of people I know – one is a nurse whose husband had Alzheimer’s who also runs the hospice care group out of a local hospital; the other used to run a grief counseling group, she’s currently dealing with a shitshow situation with her mother because her mother has Alzheimer’s. They have helped me some, the hospice nurse told me to go to his doctor’s appointments with him. I have to be careful, I don’t want anyone who knows him to know anything about this yet because I think he would feel humiliated if they found out. I haven’t even said anything to his brother yet, because he’s dealing with his own health problems.

  158. 158.

    kalakal

    @UncleEbeneezer: I’m pretty ignorant about country music, I hate the sort of cliched “my dog done left me and my woman took my truck” stuff ( with added Twang!). I can listen to Bluegrass like Doc Watson all day . I love Blues but have to admit there’s a lot of very dull stuff perpetrated in that genre. Blues is interesting to me because the formula is so restricted that the devil really is in the detail. It’s easy to play ok Blues, very hard to play really good Blues

    I’ll definitely check out those amps!

  159. 159.

    Mike in NC

    Spoke to our friends in Tampa last night. They sold thier house in four days and are moving out of Floriduh today, never to return. We’ll visit the new place in Asheville in a couple of months.

  160. 160.

    Paul in KY

    @brendancalling: 1st heard about Gogol Bordello when I went to a Roo they were playing at. Was looking over the schedule and for every band (but them), there was a set start time and end time (example: Moon Taxi 3 PM – 4 PM). Their set was listed as: ‘Gogol Bordello 1215 AM – …’.

    I noticed that and asked an old Roo Vet about it. He said it was that way because Gogol Bordello just plays until they are too drunk to play anymore! I missed that set, cause it was my 1st Roo and by midnight, I was done. I did see them at a Voodoo Fest one year & they put on a great set.

  161. 161.

    brendancalling

    @What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?: And don’t forget the Bottle Rockets, who also came out of that scene and are freakin’ AMAZING!

    I got into country via traditional bluegrass. I like so many different subgenres of country, especially western  swing, the Bakersfield sound, and just straight up honky tonk music.  But lately I’ve gotten into 80s and 90s stuff. Clint Black, George Strait, Randy Travis, Mel McDaniel—it’s so good.

    @OzarkHillbilly: I opened for DAC in 2019. It was… a weird show.

    @UncleEbeneezer: Modern country loves its rock grooves, and it DOES all sound the same. That’s true for a lot of classic country too (at least the chord progressions). What makes country different from blues, as you mention in your other comment, is that country is very much driven by the melody. So you have extra bars, extended lines, etc. That’s the only way to tell ’em apart. As for me, I simply can’t tell blues songs apart if I don’t know the words. Especially Chicago style. It’s always three chords and a solo. I rarely hear a melody that distinguishes on Chicago blues song from another.

  162. 162.

    Ohio Mom

    @Soprano2: It could be a combination, damage already done and too high blood sugar at that moment. Whenever Ohio Dad (Type 2) gets really spaced out, I ask him what his blood sugar is — the answer is usually, way too high, occasionally, way too low. Though since he started a new med, his levels have evened out considerably.

  163. 163.

    brendancalling

    @kalakal: check out “the grand tour” by George Jones. It’s the saddest song you’ll ever hear, and some people never quite get what it’s really about.

  164. 164.

    Boris Rasputin (the evil twin)

    Today’s reading is from “George, Nicholas, and Wilhelm” by Miranda Carter, a triple biography of the royal cousins.

    Regarding Russia’s position at the end of the disaster that was the Russo-Japanese War, she writes:

    “Russia continued in free fall. What had gone wrong was not all Nicholas’s fault – the army had been degraded for decades, the hunger for imperial success as a salve for internal failure was deep-rooted across the whole governing and educated class, the institutions of government had long been incapable of running the country, repression had long been a substitute for real governance, and such a large and complex state simply couldn’t run properly with one man making all the decisions. But Nicholas, the wrong man at the wrong time, by taking his country into a war it couldn’t afford and could have avoided, by encouraging the system’s repressions, by allowing his personal revulsion to reform to trump reality, had certainly helped tp bring his country to crisis.”

    Replace the Tsar’s name with that of Putin, and this describes Russia on the first anniversary of its invasion of Ukraine.

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  168. 168.

    Ohio Mom

    @Soprano2: I am glad to hear you have knowledgeable support. Learning to accept and live with a difficult diagnosis is a process for everyone.

    For some reason, I am reminded of what I heard at a workshop on transitioning your disabled child from pediatrics to adult medicine.

    Many of the mothers wanted their children to stay with their beloved pediatricians. The doctor presenting the workshop answered that pediatricians are not equipped for adult medicine. She said, “Pediatrics is all about growth and development, adult medicine is about managing decline.” You could hear the shock as the entire audience realized they were, as adults, medically “declining” even as they sat there. It certainly discomforted me!

  170. 170.

    cain

    @Soprano2: When a doctor doesn’t show enough curiosity – it’s time to change the doctor. It’s inexcusable not to ask questions or be concerned.

    I also can’t help but think there is some misogyny involved – these doctors don’t listen to my wife when she tells them things either. The U.S. healthcare system is biased against women.

  174. 174.

    Draco7

    @Soprano2: I scanned the thread to make sure I wasn’t duplicating advice re the firearms, but first: Happy Birthday – just wait ’til you get old!

    Ah, yes – guns. I’m going to say things you already know, so try not to mind. Much depends on how frequently the firearms are used – presumably during season, but I wouldn’t know. If they’re already in a gun safe, misplace the keys. If the keys are on his keyring and not easily accessible, an option is to tuck something vaguely credible into the lock itself  (drop of solder, small piece of plastic) – anything to make opening it a bit of a production so you’ll notice. Gremlins.

    No gun safe? Have a few friends drop by and casually note (in front of you) the negatives/dangers of having the guns unsecured. Can’t be you, can’t be the same script. Become incrementally alarmed and gently press the issue – or let the friends keep at it. Once locked up, same key strategy with memory issues blamed for them not being where they were. Legit hunting trip, etc. – keys are found. For other occasions they’re found, but you’re aware.

    All this may totally not be practical in your situation – I get it. If any of it works, at least you wouldn’t have to worry in the interim periods. These probably irrelevant ideas are what you get for commenting. ;>) Good luck.

  175. 175.

    Soprano2

    @Ohio Mom: I think when the doc sees the results from the Dexcom she’s going to want more tests and an insulin pump. His sugar is in the 300-400 range a lot even when he takes insulin. It didn’t used to be like that, somehow something has changed but I have no idea what. He doesn’t eat that much, either, which worries me. He’s gone from 160 lbs to 139 lbs in two years. I have thought for years that something is wrong with his pancreas (other than not making enough or even any insulin), but the doctor has never looked at that.

  176. 176.

    Paul in KY

    @OzarkHillbilly: I saw Mr. Prine several years ago at a ROMP music fest. He was the Saturday headliner. He started out playing the ‘Paradise’ song. Later in set he opined that he should have kept that one for the end. He appeared to be a bit tipsy. Didn’t seem to hurt his performance, though. I’m very glad I got to see him!

  178. 178.

    Paul in KY

    @SteverinoCT: That’s a good idea (the removing, not the snipping). Would have to have the person come to the house to do the surgery. For an experienced hand, shouldn’t take more than a minute per weapon.

  180. 180.

    kalakal

    @brendancalling:

    Thanks, I will. Country was not really anything I heard in the UK, except the stuff that got into the pop charts which I hated. I love Folk music* and like the US variations on that.

    For a laugh there’s Bill Bailey exploring the Folk/Rammstein genre

    Scarborough Fair

    *Though Folk also has a lot of cliched bilge eg 4 men in Fairisle pullovers droning on about “Setting sail from Liverpool, never to return”

  183. 183.

    J R in WV

    @Soprano2:

    Sorry to hear about the memory issues. This doesn’t help you, but our Family Practice Dr is also a board cert gerontologist, tells folks that if he’s doing a good job all his patients will eventually need elder care… He’s a little older than me, I’m 72, and not quite as old as Wife.

    Anyway, my point was that perhaps you can find a Board Cert Family Practice Dr with a gerontology side line like Dr Bill.

    Also having a gunsmith remove the firing pins from his weapons is a good idea. Or putting cable locks on them, if he notices and asks about it, tell him it will keep people from stealing his stuff. Or get a gun safe you can reset the combination on easily.

  185. 185.

    Soprano2

    @Paul in KY: But he’s not – he’s lost over 20 pounds in the past year, and he was already a pretty normal weight. He doesn’t eat enough good food, he’d rather have sweet stuff. It’s a problem.

  187. 187.

    UncleEbeneezer

    @brendancalling:

    @kalakal:

    I’ve never been a big purist for any genre of music and usually prefer when people from other genres take the feel and other elements of blues, country, funk, whatever and do it in the context of another genre.  So while I know very little of Country classic artists, I do love when rock and jazz people infuse country vibes into their stuff.  A perfect example is Julian Lage who is a virtuoso jazz guitarist who brings way more blues and country into his playing than most standard jazz guitarists.  He has several original tunes that are damn-near, straight ahead country.  He also loves to do haunting covers of country ballads.  So I’d much rather listen to him, or Bill Frisell (or better yet, BOTH of them) play interpretations of country classics, than I would listen to the originals.

  189. 189.

    hotshoe

    @Soprano2: Darlin’ I hate to tell you, since you sound like you’re already drowning in concerns — but you need to take away his car keys. Right now. 

    You will never forgive yourself if he runs over a kid on his way to the store tomorrow.

    He must not drive. If his mental state is too foggy to remember where he left the car, and too foggy to make good decision about calling for help, it’s too foggy to make behind-the-wheel split-second decisions.

    I asked Mom’s GP (at routine visit) about my concerns re her driving. After two or three questions, Doctor told us if Mom didn’t volunteer to give up, Doctor would be required to report her to DMV for them to investigate whether to cancel her license.

    Maybe your state has a similar law; I understand most states do. This may provide you with the backing to do what you know needs to be done, even though it will cause heartbreak for your husband.

    I know it’s heartbreaking.

    My family denied me contact with my mom for a couple of years after I took Mom’s car keys away — even with my having the official support from Doctor — because Mom’s temper tantrums were so scary to them and they blamed me. I still feel the tears welling up when I think about that time.

    I have no more words to console you with.

    But I’m sure you want to do what is right to protect the innocent people who are not in your family.

    “Elderly driver injures 3 in crosswalk, mistook gas pedal for brake”. Please do not let that be your family’s story.

  191. 191.

    Soprano2

    @hotshoe: I’m going to raise the issue with his doctor. I’m afraid of how he will react if I try to do that without a doctor saying to do it. Unfortunately, I need to keep that vehicle or I’d just get it fixed and sell it. He doesn’t drive that much, thankfully, and doesn’t insist on driving when we go places. I could tell you stories about my grandfather – he went to get gas and ended up in Branson in a field! We took the car to my sister’s after that, my grandmother said he looked for that car in the garage every day until we put him in the Alzheimer’s unit because we were afraid he would hurt my grandmother.

  192. 192.

    Origuy

    My neighbor is only fifty or so and is suffering from early-onset dementia. He also has kidney disease and has to undergo dialysis. He was driving himself to dialysis until he damaged the car pulling into the garage. His wife finally took away the keys after he got lost and ended up in a bad part of San Francisco. We live in San Jose. The other day he got angry and left the house on foot without his wallet or Apple Watch. The police finally found him the next morning four miles away at a BART station. If he’d had money there’s no telling where he might be. It’s been suggested that she sew an Apple Tag into his jacket, but that won’t work once it gets warm outside.

  193. 193.

    LiminalOwl

    @Kay: That’s seriously disappointing. But hasn’t she always been iffy?

    i was really sad to see a few of the names there  Todd Gitlin used to be someone I admired.  And Salman Rushdie?  Gaa

  194. 194.

    Juju

    @Soprano2: I’m late to this, and I read to the bottom and am glad to see that someone mentioned taking the car keys away from your husband. I am in a very similar situation. I will be 62 on my next birthday and I am taking care of my mother, who has dementia. My mother actually realized that she shouldn’t drive after backing into the same tree near the driveway twice. She said with the first time that the car just lurched back very fast. I asked if she used the wrong pedal. She insisted she knew which was which. The second time she did it she said the same thing and I didn’t question it. We got a new car and she called me from the drug store because she couldn’t remember how to shift the car into drive. I still didn’t make the connection, or want to make the connection to dementia. The last time she tried driving, she couldn’t remember where she was going by the time she got to the stop sign at the top of the street. Fortunately she came home and asked for help and said she probably shouldn’t drive any longer, and she hasn’t. My guess is your husband doesn’t follow the finances like he used to because he has difficulty figuring things out like he used to. Once you pick up on more cognitive issues with your husband you might realize it’s been going on longer than you originally thought. That has certainly been the case for me. A coworker who has a similar situation with her mother suggested I ask my mother to draw the 3D box, which was something she taught me how to draw when I was a child, and I thought it was the neatest thing. She couldn’t do that after trying for about 20 minutes. That broke my heart. The thing is, as bad as things are now, there are times when my mother will very briefly  be like she always was, then it will go away and she won’t remember that she said it or did it.  Anyhoo, happy birthday.  I hope it turns out to be nicer than you expected. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I will do what I can to help. I mean that. Get a better doctor. My mother’s doctor also has a mother with a similar kind of dementia, that makes him very empathetic. He’s complemented me on how well I do with my mother. I smile and thank him, but I  feel like I’m doing the wrong thing most of the time. I’ll stop rambling now.

  195. 195.

    LiminalOwl

    @Soprano2: Happy birthday. And much sympathy re: the situation with your husband—and how frustrating that his doctor is so useless! Will be thinking of you and hoping for improved care from the new doc. (Also, my best friend from HS has a September 11 birthday. And we are New Yorkers.)

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