Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

No one could have predicted…

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you don’t.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

Joe Lieberman disappointingly reemerged to remind us that he’s still alive.

Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

The words do not have to be perfect.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Republicans don’t trust women.

So many bastards, so little time.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

… among the most cringeworthy communications in the history of the alphabet!

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Why Not This?

Why Not This?

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So I guess I am the last one left here on this blog, so time to share some more of my ramblings. Tonight- artificial intelligence.

The main problem I have with AI is that none of it seems very useful to me. I like driving, and I want to be able to control my vehicle, especially because I don’t trust the other motherfuckers on the road. And I like to write my own stuff, and don’t want to turn that over to a machine.

But you know what I would like- something that would make life easier. Like, for example, I would love it if when I sat down in front of the tv, if I could bellow in the general direction of a microphone “WTF DID I END UP WATCHING LAST NIGHT?”

And it could tell me “you spent fifteen minutes scrolling through netflix, then switch to Amazon prime, started a show for eight minutes when you were interrupted by a phone call, at which point you went back to netflix for eight minutes and then switched to the Disney app and watched 47 minutes of the first Captain America. You were then overheard telling Joelle that you were going to watch the Marvel Cinematic Universe in order. Would you like me to go to where you left off in Captain America?”

And I would say “Fuck yes I would” and it would say “Ok, I will start it in three minutes because I know you forgot to piss and need to top off your beverage. Also, you left your phone upstairs again and will not be able to use most of your computer because of two step verification texts. Would you like me to add another minute to the start time?”

Now that would be AI.

Reader Interactions

81Comments

  2. 2.

    eversor

    The goal of AI is to kill jobs.  We’ve hit the point where nVidia uses AI to design their new GPUs to create faster AI because that’s cheaper than paying people.  Think about that.   It’s entire point is to wipe out most sectors of employement because people are expensive and slow.  AI solves the human barrier to all this issues and speeds things up.

    In and of itself, that’s not bad.  But the reality is we are so divided by ethnicity, culture, race, and Christianity that we cannot unite to get a solution to so the rest of us can live.   And while racial, cultural, and ethnic issues are breaking down will still have the big bad of Christianity to deal with.  So until we destroy Christianity no problems can be solved and we are all screwed.  End Christianity now.

  3. 3.

    bbleh

    Ok, but why would an AI spend its time on that sorta stuff when it could be, I dunno, writing ad copy for its cryptocurrency exchange that’s conventional and convincing enough to get lots of dumb people to send it money, or getting on pickup sites and convincing people to send it nude photos or do things on camera for it, or running for public office against someone like RonJon or Rand Paul or Paul Gosar?

  6. 6.

    Baud

    @Jay:

    John is engaged, although maybe not for long if he expects her to treat him like his fantasy AI would.

  9. 9.

    Gin & Tonic

    There’s only one asshole on this blog who can take Cole’s righteous rant and turn it into an attack on Christianity.

  10. 10.

    zhena gogolia

    I first heard the term “artificial intelligence” in the late 1970s from an incredibly nerdy Texan computer science grad student, and I laughed uncontrollably. Who’s laughing now, he’s probably a billionaire.

  14. 14.

    O. Felix Culpa

    @zhena gogolia:

    So was Jesus or St. Paul at fault for developing AI? Or perhaps a later follower like Ignatius or Jan Hus? Inquiring minds want to know. /s

  15. 15.

    BK in NJ

    You want Jarvis from the Iron Man movies.

    Be careful what you wish for.  Jarvis tended to nag.

  17. 17.

    Urza

    Not every company is gung ho on the job cuts with AI.  Some are actually looking to see what productivity gains there are first.

    And the personal assistant you’re asking for is a major invasion of personal info.  We can sign you up for that for only $6.95 a month and resell anonymized data about you for the ads for even more.

    Also I can see this being a thing by ChatGPT 6.0 in about 2ish years.  Trust me, we’re not rolling out all those NVidia GPUs Eversor is bitching about into every open square meter of the datacenters for no reason (unless its a fiendish plot by Accounting to prevent me decomming our rusty old servers, again).

  19. 19.

    Urza

    @Jay:Not this time.  While it may take longer than the publicists are trying to make you believe, it is going to be a massive change to society that makes smart phones and possibly even the internet seem small.

  20. 20.

    Cameron

    Was it Red Green who said that artificial intelligence is no match for human stupidity?

  22. 22.

    Starfish

    @Baud: You are supposed to keep me posted on important news, and you did not write me a letter explaining this engagement or how much he had to pay the matchmaker or anything.

  23. 23.

    Jay

    @Urza:

    yeah, no.

    AI can drive a car on a perfectly maintained track, some of the time. It can render a painting or photo, sort of, but not. It can write a fake essay that any reference check show’s it’s fake.

    I read an article a couple of days ago, about how AI can identify new antibiotic’s. If you read the article closely, it’s not AI, it’s just using a computer to sort through reams of data because it’s programmed to do so. But hey, AI is cool and brings in venture funds, so just say it’s AI.

    Cooler science, fruit flies genetically programmed to create rare hormones used in medical treatments.

    AI is never going to fix your broken p-trap or change a flat.

    AI is basically the phone help menu.

  24. 24.

    Cameron

    Having read “I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream” in my impressionable youth, I have some doubts that AI would be a good replacement for Christianity.

  25. 25.

    RaflW

    My Nest thermostat can’t even stay connected to my phone for more than about three months before I have to do a f**ing factory reset of the thermo.

    So I’m extremely cynical about how well AI is gonna work.

    Though some tech jockey will probably still manage to invent some fleet of autonomous cyborgs that will manage to kill millions of us anyway.

    Because this whole ride called life in the 21st century seems jacked as sh**.

  26. 26.

    lurker

    the others are not on strike.  the AIs that we know as watergirl, tom levenson, Richard Mayhew (and David Anderson), Anne Laurie and major major major major are all just disconnected from the network.

    In contrast, Adam S, Betty Cracker and TaMaRa are real people, who are just busy.

    @eversor: this is not a comment by eversor … someone fed eversor’s previous comments into a neural network and then had it generate a comment based on this John Cole post.  that is what this comment from eversor is…

     

    Also, for those who have the life events in their past to appreciate this, the phrase “NFS File Server is ok” is the biggest lie ever told.

  28. 28.

    karen marie

    @Jay: AI is basically the phone help menu.

     

    Except it’s extremely unreliable and requires the user to verify the information independently.

  29. 29.

    SamInWa

    The technology exists to do everything you described, but it is being used to force feed you ads to make money.

  31. 31.

    RaflW

    Oh. I didn’t realize the pie filter must be cookie based. So I inadvertently started to read a comment by eversour while here via my phone.

    Started out being on topic, but like Chat GPT with an incredibly annoying obsession, he veered into his favorite bashing and, poof! More pie for me.

  32. 32.

    Citizen Alan

    @eversor: I asked Chat GPT to write a response to your comment and this is what it said:

    I understand concerns about AI’s impact on employment, but linking it to social divisions caused by fundamentalist Christianity seems like a stretch. While AI may disrupt certain industries, it also creates new opportunities and can enhance human capabilities. Rather than blaming a specific religious group, it’s important to focus on fostering inclusive dialogue to address societal challenges. A balanced approach, where AI is leveraged responsibly, can lead to job creation, improved efficiency, and socioeconomic progress. Let’s embrace the potential of AI while ensuring adequate support for affected individuals, promoting reskilling and lifelong learning.

  34. 34.

    Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.)

    Since technology is the fucking subject here in this fucking thread, all I want to say here right now is that I fucking hate motherfucking passwords. Passwords are the fucking bane of my life. Every fucking time I need to do something on some fucking site I don’t go to often, it asks for my fucking password, and the only ones I ever remember were the ones I used two fucking passwords ago, so I have to have it send a text to my fucking phone, and I choose a new fucking password, but it tells me I already used that fucking password, so I need a new one, and when I come up with it, I put it in and then forget it, and motherfucking lastpass won’t fucking help me remember it, because it always fucking signs me out, and then I can’t remember that fucking password, and I’m already too fucking pissed off to bother to go look for it and open it so it can remember the new fucking password for the fucking site I forgot the password for, so it won’t be any fucking help the next fucking time I need it, and my whole fucking life now is trying to keep myself from losing my fucking mind because of all the motherfucking passwords.

    I just thought I’d throw that the fuck out there.

  36. 36.

    Starfish

    @Citizen Alan: I asked Bard why the Puritans would oppose universal basic income.

    The Puritans were a religious group that came to America in the 1600s. They believed in hard work and self-reliance, and they thought that everyone should contribute to society. They also believed that the government should not interfere in people’s lives too much. Universal basic income (UBI) is a government program that would provide everyone with a set amount of money, regardless of their income or employment status. The Puritans would likely oppose UBI because they believe that it would discourage people from working and would lead to a decline in moral values.

    Here are some specific reasons why the Puritans might oppose UBI:

    They believed that everyone should work. The Puritans believed that hard work was a sign of God’s favor, and they thought that everyone should contribute to society. UBI would allow people to live without working, which the Puritans would see as a form of laziness.

    They believed that the government should not interfere in people’s lives. The Puritans believed that the government should have a limited role in people’s lives. They would likely see UBI as an overreach of government power.

    They believed that UBI would lead to a decline in moral values. The Puritans believed that people should work for what they have. They would likely see UBI as a form of welfare, which they believed could lead to laziness and dependency.

    It is important to note that not all Puritans would necessarily oppose UBI. Some Puritans might see it as a way to help the poor and needy, and they might believe that it would actually encourage people to work harder. However, the majority of Puritans would likely oppose UBI for the reasons listed above.

  38. 38.

    Jeffro

    OT but apparently Republicans now see filing to run for president as a way to avoid being charged with, well, anything, anywhere, anytime.

    Can we have that discussion about higher standards for federal office now, peeps?

    (also: looks like the techbros are flooding the zone, hoping to either help trumpov or hoping that one of them strikes it lucky, a la trumpov in 2016)

    Suarez has become well known for attracting technology investors to Miami. He previously met with PayPal co-founder Peter Thiel and has publicly courted Tesla CEO Elon Musk. He has also been a strong supporter of cryptocurrency, aiming to make the city a hub for digital currency. He argues that Miami can be a “prototype” for the country.
    Suarez recently came under fire after a Miami Herald investigation alleged that he helped a development company that pays him $10,000 a month to navigate permit issues. The county’s Commission on Ethics and Public Trust has begun investigating the matter, NBC’s South Florida affiliate reported. A spokesperson for Suarez has vehemently denied the allegations.

    But you do have to giggle at this:

    He hit DeSantis for being too stiff to engage in the retail politics that draws voters in.
    “He seems to struggle with relationships, generally,” Suarez said. “I look people in the eye when I shake their hands.”

     

    The GOP wouldn’t be IN this pickle if you didn’t suck so badly, Rhonda!!!1!  LOL

  39. 39.

    lurker

    @Citizen Alan: that’s great … sounds like it could have come from marketing at google or meta or one of the other big tech amalgamations … and yet it still hits at issues with eversor’s comment

  40. 40.

    Eolirin

    @RaflW: Those are very different technologies. Drawing conclusions from one to the other is a category error.

    Also, bad implementation of any technology is going to suck. It doesn’t speak to whether good implementations can do useful things.

  42. 42.

    Mallard Filmore

    @bbleh: 

    getting on pickup sites and convincing people to send it nude photos

    Svelt young laptop (single, no tablets) looking for large, tricked out, buff, desktop. Send a picture of your joystick and I’ll take my dust covers off for you.

  43. 43.

    rekoob

    For what it’s worth, I’ve been distracting WaterGirl (who’s been busy with other things, too) with plans for a Juicer meetup in Philadelphia tomorrow. With any luck, it will all come together starting at 6:30p Eastern:

    The Abbaye

    637 N. 3rd Street, Philadelphia PA 19123

    We’ll take notes and report back the sense of the meeting.

  45. 45.

    oldster

    Good to see you back in action, John.

    Personally, I’m baking an oatmeal cake, because tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be eleventy-hundred years old and a few more. I lost track, and no one cares. But I still like oatmeal cake.

  46. 46.

    Jeffro

    @Jeffro: btw this guy was SO convinced that his now defunct grift crypto scam would be profitable, it would lead to the abolishment of Miami city taxes.

    YES AMERICA THIS IS THE GUY WE NEED FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE!!!1!

  47. 47.

    RaflW

    @Eolirin: Category error or not, I expect 95% of AI to feature bad implementation. Because profit and egos will be involved.

    And because I have a serious case of dyspepsia about our collective future on this here rock hurtling through space.

  49. 49.

    catclub

    And I would say “Fuck yes I would” and it would say “Ok, I will start it in three minutes because I know you forgot to piss and need to top off your beverage….

    If you (and a whole lot of people like you) can [convincingly] tell the large tech corporations how much you would pay to have this service, and IF that number is high enough to make it worth their while to produce it, you will get it. Otherwise it will have to be paid for by the ad revenue it generates by knowing how to target those ads for senior depends to you.

  50. 50.

    Viva BrisVegas

    Are we really talking about artificial intelligence, or about expert systems. Nothing about this says intelligence to me, it’s just ever more complicated flow charts.

    Unless of course intelligence is actually about ever more complicated flow charts.

  52. 52.

    catclub

    @Starfish: ​
     I think the Puritans would be fine with a UBI which required 8 hours a day of attendance at their church.
    So would the Hasidim.

  53. 53.

    Mallard Filmore

    @Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.): 

    … Every fucking time I need to do something on some fucking site I don’t go to often, it asks for my fucking password …

    I solved that problem by using an algorithm for passwords:

    1) a prefix
    2) the reason to login
    3) a postfix

    e.g. “Fart_insurance_Puke”

    All passwords are different. All can be remembered.

    Then problems come up when the site says “password is too long”, or “special characters forbidden” … so I have to put hints to a non-standard entry in a password file.

  55. 55.

    Eolirin

    @RaflW: That is a social not technological problem. We could fix it collectively through regulation, labor laws, unionization and public outrage.

    And in the mean time that 5% that is good implementation will be transformative.

    The only open question to my mind is whether we kill ourselves with climate change and war before we get the tech far enough along to be really interesting.

  57. 57.

    Eolirin

    @raven: Windows does this too. You can do this on most browsers or through most authenticator apps on any platform. It’s still not passwordless access, which has benefits beyond just ease of access, but yeah.

  60. 60.

    oldster

    @Gin & Tonic:

    Ordinarily, I don’t like people who yell at or talk down to their servants, even when they are public servants.

    On the other hand, when public servants start thinking that they are our overlords who must be treated like gods and bowed down to lest they kill us with impunity…well, then I think this woman’s attitude sounds very refreshing.

    Cops need to be reminded that they work for the people. Honestly, I think she has the right attitude.

  63. 63.

    Redshift

    @Urza: I’m withholding judgement and checking it out. The thing that makes me wary is that one thing large language model AI is really good at is making people think there’s more of an intelligence in it than there really is, like a super-ELIZA. So because it’s easy to believe it’s smarter than it is, it’s easy to believe its shortcomings will quickly be overcome. (Tech lords telling Congress the real danger from AI they need to worry about is that it will achieve consciousness and take over, not that it will replicate all the biases in the data it’s being fed, does not increase my confidence.)

    Maybe all the predictions won’t turn out to be hype. I’m sure this stuff will be useful for some things. But tech analysts and CEOs don’t have a great record at predicting the Next Big Thing, and an even worse one at predicting the path it takes to becoming one.

  65. 65.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Omnes Omnibus: #DeepCuts

    I assume you’d go for an Avignon antipope.   I like Benedict XIII, since he was one of three simultaneous popes.  1409 was a crazy year, n’est-ce pas?

  66. 66.

    Brachiator

    I like driving, and I want to be able to control my vehicle, especially because I don’t trust the other motherfuckers on the road.

    Really? A lot of people don’t trust themselves or other drivers and would love it if ALL vehicles were self driving. And it looks like self driving vehicles are here to stay. For example:

    Mercedes-Benz is the first automaker to get permission from California regulators to sell or lease vehicles with Level 3 (hands-off and eyes-off) self driving tech on designated roads, Reuters has reported. The California Department of Motor Vehicles issued a permit for the company’s Drive Pilot system, provided it’s used under certain conditions and on specific roads. Mercedes-Benz previous received a similar certification in Nevada.

    Drive Pilot will allow Mercedes-Benz drivers to takes their eyes off the road and hands off the wheel, then do other non-driving activities like watching videos and texting. If the rules for use are followed, Mercedes (and not the driver) will be legally responsible for any accident that happens. …

    Utilization is limited to high-traffic situations during daylight, with speeds under 40 MPH, and drivers must be available to resume control — so you can’t go in the back seat and sleep, for example. To enforce that, the vehicle tracks the driver with an in-car monitor, and you’ll need to take over if it goes faster than 40MPH, an emergency vehicle shows up, it rains, or other situations Driver Pilot can’t handle on its own.

    And AI for writing…

    And I like to write my own stuff, and don’t want to turn that over to a machine.

    I recently listened to a talk radio host who has a side business with a partner. This guy is notoriously clumsy with technology. He bought a Tesla and sold it for a loss after a week because he couldn’t figure out some of the tech and just got frustrated and fed up. And yet he was able to use AI to write drafts of scripts for his business and saved two hours of work.

    AI has been unleashed and I don’t think we can slow it down. The Writers Guild is trying to build in some protections against the use of AI, but has it already been turned loose in the video game industry, for graphics and game scenario design?

    I think the downside is that AI may drown us in computer generated mediocrity. The sad thing is that many people won’t care.

    I also think that AI will replicate bigotry and sexism. It will simply recognize how much hate exists and replicate it. AI ultimately lacks any real ability to evaluate what it is fed and can never incorporate ethics.

  69. 69.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Brachiator: Really? A lot of people don’t trust themselves or other drivers and would love it if ALL vehicles were self driving.

    I am with Cole here.

  73. 73.

    Eolirin

    @Omnes Omnibus: If the tech ever gets to the point where it can be made safer than humans, we should ban human driving. We kill a ton of people unnecessarily with cars. And the vast majority of it is human failure.

    This is honestly the same argument as gun control once there’s an alternative that reduces deaths vs a baseline of human driving. Anyone’s feelings on the matter are less important than saving lives by prohibiting an activity that’s going to lead to an unnecessary number of deaths if allowed.

    But the tech is definitely not there yet and may not be for a long time. So it’s a bit academic atm.

  74. 74.

    Dan B

    @Jeffro:  Suarez wants to cut taxes by a lot.  He believes that cryptocurrency can fund Miami.  I don’t want him in the White House.  He’d crash the government.

  75. 75.

    Redshift

    To enforce that, the vehicle tracks the driver with an in-car monitor, and you’ll need to take over if it goes faster than 40MPH, an emergency vehicle shows up, it rains, or other situations Driver Pilot can’t handle on its own.

    Oh, having a human driver take over in a situation they’ve been paying zero attention to but are moving through at 40MPH sounds extremely safe…

    Considering that it’s unsafe to look down at your phone for a few seconds when a text comes in, it’s hard to believe this will be safer for anyone but Mercedes-Benz shareholders. (The equivalent certainly hasn’t been for Tesla owners.)

    Reminds me of the idea that AI chatbots will write all sorts of documents at a near-adequate level and then humans will fact- and error-check them. The problem with systems where the AI does most of the work and the human does the hard parts is that a lot of those parts are tasks that humans are really not good at, like “start driving when the going gets tough” and “find all the errors in this document that’s written well enough to make all of them sound plausible.”

  77. 77.

    Urza

    @Redshift: Its not smarter than it appears.  It can emulate the same algorithms a human brain has (or fake it) so that it can appear to be as smart as an average human.  I dare you to tell me that there isn’t a large portion of the country running around doing nothing but regurgitate their childhood and Faux News programming.  My problem now is realizing that is pretty much all there is to them and there isn’t something else driving it.  Now, I do think its entirely possible for humans to transcend their programming, its just so rare that it can be set aside for now as a test of how human the AI is.

  78. 78.

    jackmac

    Can AI tell me if non-Tom Holland Spider-Man, X-men and Hulk movies are really MCU and how they fit in the MCU order.   Now THAT would be useful info.

  79. 79.

    Slightly_peeved

    @Brachiator:

    I’m skeptical about the successful use of LLMs in the gaming industry.

    people will use it, especially to assist in pitching and making shovelware for Steam or the App Store. But if you want success, you have to make something both unique (so people pick it up) and functional (so people don’t put it down). Neither of those will ever be strong suits for LLMs.

    I’ve seen arguments that it would be useful for, say, filling out NPC conversations in games like Skyrim. Firstly, an argument that something would be useful in a certain context doesn’t make it so (see all the proposals for Blockchain, anywhere). Secondly, it’s another case of LLMs providing filler; well-written text that doesn’t say anything useful. At best, you’re providing idle diversion for the player that doesn’t advance the plot. At worst, you’re hiding the actual game – the bit you wrote – in a sea of mediocre NPC conversations. Brevity is the soul of wit, and good communication is clear.

    The evidence of actual use I’ve seen is in product pitches that then get excoriated when people notice all the errors AI art makes. Bad press for being lazy is not a great way to be successful in gaming.

  80. 80.

    Miss Bianca

    @Starfish: Is Bard an AI thing? Because it’s a little disturbing that it seems to understand Puritanism better than almost every American human I’ve ever encountered.

  81. 81.

    Tony Jay

    @jackmac:

    Non-Tom Holland Spider-Man films, yes and no.

    Yes, the events of Spider-Man: No Way Home posit them (or a version of them) occurring in the Multiverse of which the MCU is a part, no, in that the actual films themselves have no relevance to the timeline the MCU is showing, other than characters similar or identical to the Peter Parkers of those universes briefly entered the MCU and then left again.

    The X-Men films, again, yes and no for the same reason. Doctor Strange: In The Multiverse of Madness had a Professor Xavier who looked like an older version of the Professor Xavier from the Fox X-Men films, so some form of them many exist in the multiverse. The Professor Xavier from DS:ITMOM isn’t the same Professor Xavier from the X-Men and Wolverine films though, just a version of him.

    The Hulk and Incredible Hulk films both took place in the MCU, despite the fact that different actors played different roles.

    If and when Deadpool enters the MCU, he may well be from a different multiversal timeline entirely, even though a LOT of his history might mirror that of the Deadpool from DP and DP2.

    I think.

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