Or more like, “tyre rims OR anthrax.” Those are the options the Conservative Party has plumped for as it begins the final round of its leadership contest.
To the left of your screen, Kemi Badenoch, the 44-year-old MP for North West Essex. She’s the UK-born daughter of Nigerian immigrants (one parent a doctor, the other one a professor). She thinks that maternity pay is too generous, that gender-affirming care for trans people is “conversion therapy”, and that “not all cultures are equally valid.” There have been credible accusations of bullying and harassment laid against her, and she actually admitted to hacking a Labour MP’s website back in 2018.
She, of course, is the moderate one.
To the left right is Robert Jenrick, the 42-year-old MP for Newark (not that one), who apparently is an alumnus of the University of Pennsylvania, like Trump. Jenrick was Secretary of State for Immigration under Rishi Sunak, but resigned over that government’s emergency legislation on deporting asylum-seekers who arrive in the UK to Rwanda (yes, that one). That bill would have required violating sections of the UK’s Human Rights Act and several other international conventions. Jenrick thought the bill didn’t go far enough: why not violate all of the Human Rights Act? Blue-sky thinking, lads! Like the Americans do. Learnt it at Penn, you know.
In fact, Jenrick doesn’t think Brexit went far enough: he wants to immediately pull the UK out of the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR, to snap the last thread binding this country to the dastardly continent. This will at last free the UK to rise into the sunlit uplands of prosperity old Flobalob (™ Tony Jay) promised us (and also free UK special forces to seize terrorism suspects from EU countries? apparently?). The ECHR bit is a transparent gambit to win back disaffected hard-right Tories who voted for Reform UK, Nigel Farage’s gang of loud-mouthed thugs masquerading as a political party. (Actually, it’s a private company masquerading as a political party: Eric Trump wishes he could grift as hard as Farage.)
The Tories were scraping the barrel for political talent after a mere five years in power; after 14, they’d actually dug through the bottom of the barrel into the muck below it, and this is the result. Badenoch and Jenrick came out on top after the MP stage of the leader-picking – possibly as a result of tactical voting gone wrong. Now the votes go to the 100,000 or so paying members of the Conservative Party. We’ll know the result by November 2. I for one am sanguine: it was the Tory membership who, in their wisdom and discretion, chose Liz Truss for the rest of us.
Meanwhile, on the other side, Labour MPs are reportedly delighted that the Tories have doubled down on the populism. That, they seem to think, will keep the Tories good and unelectable no matter how useless the Starmer government turns out to be.
As an American, I am obviously totally sanguine about this, too. It’s not like populist blowhards totally divorced from reality ever win power, after all. What could go wrong?
Rose Judson
PS: Yes, the British spell “tire” with a “y”.
Baud
@Rose Judson: Then shouldn’t you spell it “Tori”?
Tom Levenson
That ambulatory avatar of mediocrity, Starmer, is living Voltaire’s best life: his enemies are ridiculous. (And feral, rabid, and ever more dangerous.)
satby
Love your posts Rose! A real breath of fresh air.
I hope Labor gets its act together for the good of the country, because the Tories pretty much fucked everyone over with their misrule and Brexit.
Villago Delenda Est
The Tories are incorrigible scum.
VFX Lurker
No kidding. Whoever rules the country has to manage the pain and suffering caused by Brexit.
I hope the UK might rejoin the EU at some point, but even that will be hard (ex: UK switching over to the Euro).
Chris
You’ve got to appreciate every single thing conservatives furiously supported for all their lives, once it finally becomes so unpopular that they’re forced to back off from it, suddenly becomes something they’ve totally always opposed, and in fact oppose so strongly that they’re now going to take it to new heights by applying it to new fronts [read: claim that it applies to situations where it totally doesn’t apply].
Well, maybe not “appreciate” but, you know, the other thing.
Ken
In Charles Stross’ “Laundry” novels, the PM wants to do the same, because he’s an avatar of Nyarlathotep and wants to bring back human sacrifice. I’m sure Jenrick has different reasons. Well, 75% sure.
frog
Should that be “To your other left …”
CaseyL
@Ken:
The funniest, or most horrible, thing about Stross’ Elder God Prime Minister is that, during the last few years, no few readers. told Stross they would prefer Nyarlathotep to Johnson/Truss/Sunak.
Rose Judson
@frog: In my defence/defense, there was a cat trying to walk on my keyboard while I was writing this.
Baud
In the US, they’re electable no matter how well Dems perform.
Chris
“But sir, wouldn’t we be doing that anyway?”
“But now we’d be ALLOWED to be doing that anyway! There’s a PRINCIPLE at stake, don’t you know!”
“And the principle is ‘fuck the EU,’ sir?”
“You’ll go far in this army, lad!”
Chris
@VFX Lurker:
I’m an EU citizen, and I don’t want that except insofar as “at some point” is the key part of your sentence.
They need to have been out for a full generation before the EU should even consider taking up British membership again. That’s by no means a sufficient condition, but it’s a necessary one.
Chris
@Ken:
A fun side effect of rewatching The Fifth Element is remembering the movie from when I was a kid and thought Zorg was too silly and over the top: why would a greedy businessman help the devil destroy the world in exchange for money, when that money and himself by definition are going to stop existing as soon as the world’s been destroyed? Doesn’t make any sense!
Nowadays, I totally believe it. There’s gotta be at least ten oligarchs in Silicon Valley who’d do it in a heartbeat, either out of spite or because they really are that dumb.
Rusty
@VFX Lurker: The UK had all kinds of special accommodations when they belonged, there is no way the EU is going to let them back in with those terms again. It would be humiliating to rejoin on even terms now. It will have to be at least a generation before even the possibility arises.
Rose Judson
@Chris: Hard agree with this.
bjacques
I think you had it right the first time: tyre rims *and* anthrax, washed down with The Stuff.
Here in NL, we have a four-headed government that looks like a spectacular Transporter accident. Aside from the culture sector getting it in the neck, it’s indistinguishable from the previous muddle. Can’t blame immigrants for potholes and crappy wifi.
Cthulhu/Nyarlathotep 2024: No Lives Matter
Sister Golden Bear
Sadly, I’m seeing reports from adult trans people in the UK that their doctors are cutting off their hormone prescriptions. Not surprising, since after swearing up and down that they only wanted to block trans healthcare for trans kids, they TERFs/”Gender Critical” folks are now saying the quiet parts out loud—that all trans healthcare for adults needs to be banned as well. Mind you there are already 10+ year waiting lists to see an NHS doctor just for the first consultation to get trans healthcare. Some of them are talking about how the number trans people need to be “reduced”… draw your own conclusions about that.
Plus to prove their awfulness, they’ve been posting revenge porn photos online of a trans activist (actually using photos of a completely different trans woman). Scottish police shrugged and told the activist there wasn’t anything they could do, despite this clearly being against the law.
Just obscene.
Tony Jay
Tories, Tories, Tories
Your brains are made of clay
Tories, Tories, Tories
Huge fuck ups you will stay
And the thing is, the thing is, that glaring exception to the rules of nominative determinism James ‘never did a damned thing’ Cleverly should have pretty much walked into the job, but Tories, man, they’re a bridge made of breadsticks spanning a river made of shit; utterly useless at anything but guaranteed failure. All those ‘moderate’ MPs soooo sure they already had it in the bag they forgot how elections actually work.
The other thing is, of course, a Hard Right Tory leadership just makes the eventual emergence of a Far Right Conservative Reform Party more likely by goosestepping the Tory rump even faster towards Farage’s froggy fascists. Der Starmerpartei might be rubbing their nubbins raw with glee right now, but that’s because they’re politically inept fuckwits permanently stuck in sulky, entitled brat mode. Come next election the Hard Right are going to be the Opposition, and given how unpopular Governments tend to get punished in elections….
Prescott Cactus
Gawd, I forgotten about tyre / tire rims and anthrax… at least since the last time my wife made turkey tetrachloride.
And now this.
Chris
@Rusty:
Yeah, and those special accommodations are a big part of why I don’t want them back. Half of it is general principle that would apply to any nation leaving the EU.
But the other half of it is that this is Britain, which comes with sixty years of baggage when it comes to the European project. For as long as European unification has been a thing, the U.K. has been to Europe what Krysten Sinema was to the Democrats: a tantrum-throwing attention-seeking egomaniac, constantly going off and doing its own thing, and requiring a never-ending flow of treats, special exemptions, and other soothing noises to keep happy. They were by far the biggest headache of any EU member when they were a member. We are not letting them back in only to have to deal with their whole soap opera all over again.
Steve in the ATL
@Chris:
Great analogy: neither can manage to match when getting dressed!
NB: this is my first, last, and only fashion-related post.
Betty Cracker
@Prescott Cactus:
Do elaborate!
Rose Judson
@Prescott Cactus: She made turkey tetrachloride… more than once?
Barney
Jenrick’s other claims to fame were a dodgy planning deal with infamous pornographer and major newspaper owner Richard Desmond; and beating Boris to “lockdown rules don’t apply to important people like me“. On the bright side, I see my spell checker hasn’t decided to include his name yet, perhaps thinking he’ll go away soon.
Matt McIrvin
@Prescott Cactus: I hate it when the poultry is labeled DRY CLEAN ONLY.
Rose Judson
@Tony Jay:
Yeah, the implication dangling off your ellipsis there is what keeps me up at night. At the moment, the best I can hope for is that the US does the right thing and The Child and I scarper back west once she’s about 20 or so. But it’s a fool’s hope, Pippin.
Doug R
So it’s literally Bad enough vs Jen dick?
Baud
I don’t know anything about UK politics but it seems premature to predict where Labour will be four years from now.
Doug R
@Chris:
Does this mean they’re going to arrest obstetricians who “adjust” intersex newborns?
Sister Golden Bear
@Doug R: Nope. Transphobes never have a problem with non-consensual surgeries to “fix” intersex infants.
Nor with using puberty blockers for cisgender children experiencing precocious puberty. In fact the SCOTUS will be hearing a case about blocking trans healthcare where trans advocates have pointed the hypocrisy of laws that specifically exempt cis kids from the same healthcare being banned for trans kids. Unfortunately, it seems likely the MAGA Six will make up reasons to keep these bans.
lowtechcyclist
@bjacques:
I thought it was “Cthulhu/Nyarlathotep 2024: why not vote for the greater of evils?”
Prescott Cactus
@Betty Cracker:
Well it started out to be turkey tetrazenni. Started. The bride was never content to follow and certainly unafraid to alter a recipe. Somewhere between those two places things went astray. . .horribly astray.
To this day there is some argument as whether it was the smoke or fumes that was worse. At some point it didn’t matter.
Hindsight and the distance of time stretching to years brings joy that a Hazmat team wasn’t required. . . and there were no fatalities. . .
Granted you may say, this is a tale or yarn told by a husband about his wife’s cooking. The Gawds honest is that in 21 years of matrimony she has only cooked dinner 3 times and this was the last time.
Tony Jay
@Rose Judson:
Hey, it’s a hope. Better than any of the likely options you’ll have on this side of the Pond Aquatic.
CaseyL
@bjacques:
This is… pretty close to the GOP platform, actually.
Tony Jay look
@lowtechcyclist:
Was “Cthulhu/Nyarlathotep 2024: Make Evil Great Again” taken?
Tony Jay look
@lowtechcyclist:
Was “Cthulhu/Nyarlathotep 2024: Make Evil Great Again” taken?
Lyrebird
@Sister Golden Bear: Maybe you have already done this, but I remain amazed how you can type out such a clear summary and not just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKK in the face of such cruelty.
ETA: I know you’re not facing UK healthcare changes personally, but sadly we have plenty of cruelty blowin in the wind here.
Tony Jay
@lowtechcyclist:
Was “Cthulhu/Nyarlathotep 2024: Make Evil Great Again” taken?
piratedan
@CaseyL: not to be confused with the GOP 2024 platform: Only Our Lives Matter
bjacques
@Sister Golden Bear: if it helps, I’ve got a friend oop north who’s transitioning and getting oestrogen therapy now, so doctors there don’t seem to have gotten the memo yet.
Prescott Cactus
@Rose Judson:
Lack of clear writing on my part. It was last time she ever cooked dinner. Thankfully it was voluntary, without the need for changes in local ordinances. She assembles occasionally.
I should have known this was my destiny. During our long distance courtship I visited her place in Arizona. In the middle of summer. While doing initial preparation for our meal I became quite warm, then rather hot. I asked if something might be wrong and she replied. “I’m not in here much, so I shut the air ducts off as to not waste the energy”. It was the equivalent of a 4 foot high sign screaming “I don’t cook”
Less than 2 years later we rolled through a drive thru chapel in Las Vegas and my fate was sealed. I was and still am, the happiest man in the world
@Matt McIrvin:
FLAME RETARDANT – DRY CLEAN ONLY
.
Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.)
Elon Musk, Former Guy, now this Jenrick fuckhead… My alma mater sure has churned out its share of assholes. The weird thing is though that I never knew many assholes when I was there. I met great people. All the same, Penn does seem to have a knack for coughing up black holes of humanity. I blame Wharton.
Ken
Brilliant. I can see the MEGA merchandise now.
Thor Heyerdahl
Robert Jenrick looks like he should be a contestant in the Upper Class Twit of the Year, but alas he’s not part of that social strata.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Jenrick?wprov=sfla1
frosty
@Steve in the ATL: But it was a good fashion-related post!!
Hmm, you’re right, best to rest on your laurels and bask in the (all too rare) approval from your fellow jackals.
frosty
@Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.):
My dad got his PhD from Penn, so I’ll vouch for the Moore School of Electrical Engineering.
Yarrow
Agree with satby. Love your posts. Definitely a breath of fresh air.
I keep a close eye on UK news for reasons. The Tories are so crazy. That Rwanda plan was so dumb and cost the UK a fair amount of money. I never understood how that got past the first idiot who thought it up without everyone else pointing out it was dumb in addition to being illegal.
TBone
A new gathering of the Bund is in the works at Madison Square Garden. I can only hope that New Yorkers know what to do, like the drag queens took out the Proud Boi trash.
https://digbysblog.net/2024/10/09/trump-plans-a-new-night-at-the-garden/
Tony Jay
@Yarrow:
Everyone else did. For the radicalised and extremely online voters they were appealing to, that was the attraction.
ETA – Along with the racism. They loved that too.
Steve LaBonne
@Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.): The University of Chicago also gets blamed for a lot of crap that emanates from its business school.
catclub
@Baud: or torii for plural.
Steve in the ATL
@Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.):
Oh, I thought for a minute that you were a fellow W&L alum. I was there with Oliver North’s daughter; now Troy Aikman’s kid is there. #FML
Sister Golden Bear
@Lyrebird: It’s tough. It’s really tough. But I refuse to let the bastards intimidate me.
That said, there’s a reason my former therapist said all of her LGBTQ+ patients had some degree of CPTSD.
Geoduck
@CaseyL: Hey, at least Nyarlathotep is competent!
Lyrebird
Yes indeed.
FWIW I hope your PNW trip was a boost!
Yarrow
@Tony Jay: Yes, I get it. But elected MPs should know better without having to be slapped down by judges. I remember when they’d basically kidnapped some poor immigrant and were transporting him to the plane for Rwanda and a judge put a stop to it at the last minute. That’s just torture. They are awful people.
JiveTurkin
I’d still vote for one of them over Trump, but that is like being the tallest, well you know, in the room.
greenergood
@Prescott Cactus:
@Tony Jay: but srsly do you see Tories electing a Black woman with a long weave hair style as the leader of their party no matter how agreeable are her fashie views? Methinks impossible, methinks Jenrick is the Tory man – white and clueless and easily manipulatable.
The Audacity of Krope
Are you familiar with the concept of a “beard,” in the context where you establish a relationship with someone as a sort of cover for aspects of your personality that you don’t want seen?
Tony Jay
@Yarrow:
They’re Tories. To become and (up to July 2024) to stay elected MPs they had to be awful people, or at least play the part of one. What’s the line? “The cruelty is the point of the policy”
The voters the Tories were going after with the Rwanda monstrosity loved the fact it was torturing brown people. They told themselves it was performative cruelty to deter illegal immigration, but really they just liked the thrill of being openly racist and ‘owning the Libs’.
Sound familiar?
Omnes Omnibus
@Steve in the ATL: Jeff Tweedy’s kid went to my alma mater.
Tony Jay
@greenergood:
Badenoch has to be fuming that Cleverly crashed out. Given the option of a Hard Right black candidate with a vagina and a Plain Right black candidate with a penis, the Tory membership would always plump for the option that didn’t make them fear strange and exciting things being shoved down their throats.
Up against a(ny) stale white male, her chances are drastically reduced. Expect a severe ratcheting up of her uber-nativist piss-throwing as she attempts to goad Jenrick into saying something the Media will punish him for. She knows the British Press would love a black female as Tory leader to pit against the Plastic Peer, who has his own clear and widening gulf of credibility with Labour’s disgruntled minority voters.
She’s not a dead cert, and racism may yet win the day for the moron, but she’s far from out of it.
Steve in the ATL
@Omnes Omnibus: ok I’ll concede!
Steve in the ATL
@Tony Jay: you were probably binge watching AbFab earlier and missed my comment, but I cited the “Torygraph” and credited you. So add that your Linked In profile!
karen marie
@Prescott Cactus: I’m struggling to understand how one could fuck up a chicken tetrazzini. It’s basically a baked mac and cheese with chicken and mushrooms.
Tony Jay
@Steve in the ATL:
Ha. AbFab. Jen Saunders absolutely nailed that one. Met Joanna Lumley briefly on a train once. Always a certain frisson of distaste when in the company of a celebrity Tory, but I couldn’t refrain from making her laugh. Still a damned striking woman.
Anyway. Torygraph isn’t one of mine. That’s been common parlance for eons. Suits them down to the ground, though.
VeniceRiley
I admit, I did warn my wife that if she wants to take her tax free lump sum portion of her pension out, she should do so now. We are Labor but … Cmon, Rachel. FFS. Coupled with the government pushing out seniors on good salary to make way for cheap … I cannot even express my level of anxiety.
This whole place works on the same principles and morality of the Post Office scandal. (Prove me wrong!)