I don’t have much to say tonight and am still figuring out if I am going to leave tomorrow. I’m very distracted and not doing too great with decision making and executive function. I mean I am fine and I don’t want you to worry about me or anything like that, but I am also very not fine. And I think you know what I mean.
I find this to be very nice:
Hope is a Sewer Rat (Caitlin Seida)
Landscapes thrill me. Like this one above, driving through Montana last week. It’s all of it. The clouds. The snow-capped mountains. The open fields. All of that opens my imagination. It casts a spell of wonder.
Landscapes of other kinds also thrill me. Like the one below, written by Caitlin Seida (shared by Shawna Lemay). It’s the invitation to know Hope’s bad-assed side. The teeth and claws. The chewy determination. All of that, too, opens my imagination and casts a spell of remembering.
For inspiration.
Hope Is Not a Bird, Emily, It’s a Sewer Ratby Caitlin Seida
Hope is not the thing with feathers
That comes home to roost
When you need it most.Hope is an ugly thing
With teeth and claws and
Patchy fur that’s seen some shit.It’s what thrives in the discards
And survives in the ugliest parts of our world,
Able to find a way to go on
When nothing else can even find a way in.It’s the gritty, nasty little carrier of such
diseases as
optimism, persistence,
Perseverance and joy,
Transmissible as it drags its tail across
your path
and
bites you in the ass.Hope is not some delicate, beautiful bird,
Emily.
It’s a lowly little sewer rat
That snorts pesticides like they were
Lines of coke and still
Shows up on time to work the next day
Looking no worse for wear.
Talk to you all tomorrow. I’ll either be on the road. Or I won’t.
MobiusKlein
Hope is saying I’m going to keep my values, AND fucking win. (and keep the nest safe in the mean time)
Trollhattan
Be present, be focused, be hopeful. Am maybe 1 of 3 but will work on that, because the work is all we have left.
LFG
Tom Levenson
Thanks John. I need that poem.
Also: Landscapes are all-in-all for me. Natural beauty takes me out of myself and into connection with reality much larger than I usually perceive. I’m spending this weekend up on Massachusetts’ North Shore—staring out at the Thatcher Island twin lights that Kipling mentions a few times in Captains Courageous. The sea and sky make a difference right.
I’ll ramble more later. Have a great trip, JGC, whenever you get on the road.
Steve LaBonne
Despairing is what those motherfuckers want us to do. I am very much not going to comply.
Chris
Hear you on the executive functioning. The amount of mistakes I made at work today is just embarrassing; days of bad sleep and stress have taken their toll.
Thank God I’m a cubicle drone whose mistakes are undone with a few button clicks. If I operated heavy equipment for a living, this day would’ve gone very differently.
Starfish
John, if you do go, which I think you should, pick a route that goes further south and does not take you through Denver because we are getting a bit of snow.
Anne Laurie
Focus on *you*, and Joelle, for a bit, Cole. Think about driving a route that will take you through beauty, and getting to listen to your favorite loud music in the places where it’s not so beautiful. Think about being with Joelle again, and the sunshine of New Mexico, and great Mexican food.
“Stuff” is less important. As long as you pack the cats & your wallet, anything else you forget can be replaced, or Fedexed from WV by your kinfolk. Take off, as much as you need to!
SiubhanDuinne
Safe travels to you, John, whenever you take off. Has your mother forgiven you yet for failing to share your life-altering plans with her?
( *waves* at Mom Cole )
narya
Love that poem. And you. And this home to sewer rats right here on the inter tubes.
daize
Thanks, John, about sharing about being very not fine. Please be safe on your travels. I’m finding this harder than the last time. Really hard. This community is the best. Thank you.
BeautifulPlumage
Having a lot of feels this week but am strangely calm. I appreciate the recent posts. I do know I’m not going to a drama llama (dramala llamala?) about the election. I do think it’s important that we prep ourselves for the best ways we “don’t comply, don’t help the nazis” but that will be different for each of us. As a childless cat-lady from a blue bubble, my actions will be very different for someone who feels the target is squarely aimed at them (for good reasons). I’m sitting with my thoughts until I see my own way forward.
Taking care of myself will give me the energy to help take care of my community.
Best wishes, John, for an easy road trip to the home of your beloved! Cheers to Joelle, also!
Chigail
@Anne Laurie: I agree. Someone who loves you is waiting for you at the end of your drive. Safe travels, John.
BeautifulPlumage
@Steve LaBonne:
Yes!
Timill
My advice, for what it’s worth, is that you should discuss when to travel with Joelle and take her advice, whatever it is.
My feeling is that you should not leave tomorrow, that you should head for I-40, and that you should take longer over the trip than you have planned. But don’t take my advice, take Joelle’s.
RaflW
Bon voyage, whenever that happens, John.
I need to pack tonight for a trip, and yeah, it’ll be interesting to see what I forgot when I open the suitcase tomorrow evening in the hotel. It won’t be a big deal, but if, like, I have 3 pairs of socks for 10 days, it’ll just be the worry, distraction, and 4 am wakefulness that caused it. And I can buy some more socks at Costco.
NotMax
You just want to procrastinate mingling with Thurston again as long as possible, don’t ya?
//
BretH
We’ll be in the road starting early for a long overdue trip to Vermont and our amazing friends we left there seventeen years ago. On the way back down we’re hoping to stop in Deerfield, MA and hand deliver civil war era letters to a museum there that houses other letters from the same family. At least that’s what we think based on an ai-assisted OCR transcription of the original spidery handwriting.
ETA the most practical use of AI I have found yet – I know the transcript is nowhere near 100% but we couldn’t read the letters ourselves beyond a few words sentences here and there, and after trying several OCR tools the AI assisted one was far and away the best.
tokyocali (formerly tokyo ex-pat)
Safe travels and thank you for that poem.
zhena gogolia
Great poem!
Jackie
JC, only leave tomorrow if you can fully focus on driving. Driving while distracted… well you know that. Plus you’re driving with precious cargo: Steve and Maxwell.
On the same note, when you take off, if you find yourself suddenly distracted by thoughts and are no longer 100% focused on the road and surroundings – stop. Take a break OR call it a day and find a motel. We ALL want you to have a SAFE trip to Joelle!
AND, I hope when you arrive at Joelle’s, Thurston knocks you on your ass with joy! Just be prepared so no ER visit ensues!
Sister Golden Bear
I’d really wanted to leave for the Sierras this morning, but just didn’t have the energy or executive function to get packed last night, nor this morning. Unfortunately, unless you leave the Bay Area by noon it adds several hours to the drive, especially on a holiday weekend. Fortunately I hadn’t booked a motel Friday just in case that happened. (I would’ve booked it this morning if needed.)
Hoping that being out in nature will get me out of the really bad mental state I’m in. I’ve been fighting ongoing shoulder problems all year that have kept me in constant pain and on short-term disability, plus fears about whether I’ll work in my profession again (Silicon Valley is no place for old (wo)men), and the election was just the last fucking straw.
SpaceUnit
That might not be the poem I want but it just might be the poem I needed. Thank you.
I’m feeling a little bit more functional today. Trying to find things to look forward to. We’re in this together, and The Audacity of Hope has never been more on point. Hope everyone here is doing okay.
Peal
You know, I’ve been commenting here since 2009. And as John is about to leave a thought just hit me….i can’t remember what ever happened to the Subaru in the field.
SpaceUnit
@narya:
Jackals and Sewer Rats.
I like it.
greenergood
Just a little story of the week: I’m the trustee (aka guardian) of a local woodland here on the W Coast of Scotland – and yesterday we had our first storytelling sessions in the woodland (storytelling an art I am just learning about at the age of 68) – one session for children, one for adults – well attended- w/ a fire pit, soup, bread, marshmallows, etc. The children’s 70 mins especially – no screens, or books – just 70 mins of Listening – and they were rapt – one of us told some quite scarey (post-Halloween) fairy stories , and I told a story about my little 15-yr-old cat, who was run over last week, and who we buried at the woodland since there’s no space for her right at my home.
The children’s (about 20 of them) reaction was just amazing – at the end of my story about my Cassie-cat, we gave them little tea candles and they left them by my cat’s grave, which is marked by a little mound of white beach stones. And they said goodbye to her – I held off the tears until after the children had gone. Between losing my beloved feline overlady and the ‘triumph’ of Mr Trump, this has been a traumatic week, and the reaction of these children to my storytelling about Cassie-cat helped me say farewell to her, and made me even more focused on how to resist the return of the Orange Menace. Every little move towards acknowledging kindness and humanity is a move in the right direction – even if we’ve miles (Palestine, Ukraine, Sudan, US homeless, etc.) to go …
good and safe travels to you John – thank you for this site. It’s been a sanity saver for years …
NotMax
Oil change and service check on vehicle, in person bill paying, stopping in to chat with friends haven’t seen for a while, monthly round of grocery shopping at two differenh stores and latest COVID shot all crammed into today.
Impulse buy at Costco was a special on pork chops. Package of 8 pounds for 10 smackeroos. Transferred to (reusable) silicone freezer bags so they’ll lay flat and I can stack them. Guess what Thanksgiving dinner this year will be.
;)
The Unmitigated Gaul
Part of a W.B. Yeat’s poem, “To A Friend Whose Work Has Come To Nothing”
“… for how can you compete
Being honour-bred, with one
Who were it proved he lies
Were neither shamed in his own
Nor in his neighbour’s eyes…
Be secret and exult
Because of all things known
That is most difficult.”
MCat
John, don’t forget your pants. And give Thurston a hug from us.
Joy in FL
John, whenever you leave, I wish you safe, relaxed driving.
Thank you so much for this blog, a portable homescape : )
What a great poem about hope. I’m going to share that one, for sure.
Tehanu
Love that poem. Thanks, and have a safe and rewarding trip.
Comrade Scrutinizer
I’ll add my thanks for the poem, John. Be safe.
pieceofpeace
Another way to get out of your self for a time is through music, for those times when you want to get out of your head; instead – go into it. Through music, nature, animals, sports, whatever hits your own high notes. Today I spent 5+ hours listening to the BeeGees, of whom I was barely aware, and discovered they evolved into some excellent song-makers.
So the dispair led to discovery. And though brief, as part of a larger picture, it reminded me that I will fight for my consciousness, for my ability to choose what sits well for me, and to keep reading this site as we learn and share how to navigate the way forward.
Thanks everyone….
sab
I want that poem on my wall. Too long and complicated for a sampler, so calligraphy it is.
Thank you John Cole for this post and for the whole blog you have built over the decades.
Ohio Mom
That is a great poem, I’m going to print it out. I don’t want to be near street rats but I do have a sort of admiration and fascination for them.
Back when I was in elementary school, NYC had a PR campaign against rats and it’s amazing what they can do. They can gnaw through concrete, swim pretty far above water and hold their breath and go underwater too, they’re good climbers, they are just meant to survive and flourish.
I haven’t gotten much done since Wednesday either. Though there isn’t anything too urgent to do and I’ll catch up. I am trying to remind myself this is the calm before storm. Things have not changed yet.
sab
@Ohio Mom: My stepson somehow acquired a pet rat which we inherited. Bald rat, so we had to give her more nesting materials than usual.
She was actually a lovely creature. Warm and friendly and very lonely ( no rats around.) Just a sweety. She died of cancer, being a lab rat bred to be cancerous. Just a lovely little girl.
TBone
Thank you for hipping me to that badass description of my favorite, most esteemed human aspiration. You’re a badass also too, JC, and you made my insomnia worth it tonight.
TBone
@Steve LaBonne: 💜📣
bjacques
Bon Voy-ah-gee!
Hope is Pizza Rat
Betty
Safe travels, John. Be as well as you can. You are much loved. That matters in these most difficult of times.
Rugosa
Emily has gotten me through many bad moments, but Caitin is what I think we need right now. Thank you, John.
Chris Johnson
@pieceofpeace: That’s a good point, being able to turn to music.
My day job is music-adjacent: I make free digital toys for all, and that means by default I’m working for marginalized people and trying like hell, 24/7, to make things better for them. But I can CLAIM it’s just because I’m obsessed with sound and dream of recreating the great days and the music of old. And that’s also true while being damn good cover. I can lean in on the stuff that’s camouflage knowing my work serves a purpose.
I’ve noticed an interesting thing about music. There’s nobody who’s so good at dub techno music and providing that deep, vibey atmosphere as Russian kids, often in desperately impoverished circumstances.
Dub techno is wordless. It’s a vibe. It’s what you get when it’s not safe to speak: there’s a sort of defiance in just the groove, in projecting and synthesizing (or curating your collection and playing it, as DJs do) this comfort music to all listeners. You’re past fighting, you’re deep in The Zone, it’s not safe even to speak, but in your wordlessness you can put forth a groove and comfort your kin and neighbors. And this is literally in Russia, which is decades further on the path we’re being asked to take.
I’m aware of a dub techno guy from Russia who makes youtube mixes. It’s the music, with scenes from his homeland. Not his desperately poor living conditions, you see that sometimes and it’s grim. Environments. Hillsides, cityscapes, electric towers, just backgrounds, often speeded up so the clouds whoosh by.
And it’s on a ping-pong setting, plays back and forth as a rule. And so, wordlessly, this guy is putting out video and one of the things it’s showing is ‘this country is backwards’. If confronted he can say ‘what? I show this our beautiful country, what’s wrong with you?’. There are no words to criticize. There’s the beautiful groove, and you know sometimes this country is backwards. (they all know that, but what’s to do about it?)
When things get really dark, assuming that path holds, that’s how to still be free in spirit. You don’t always get to be a hothead, but you never have to be the Stasi. Falling back to being human, and finding ways to support that, are important. Gotta survive, that’s the first duty.
Ella in New Mexico
Good luck on the drive, John.
Wave at us–or hell, stop and get a green chile cheeseburger–when you pass through New Mexico. The blue skys and cool temperatures here are quite awesome and we have snow and skiing in the Sandias and in Santa Fe. You might want to stop and stay a bit.
I’m feeling this wierd sense of numbness, fear and incredible optimism. None of it works together. But I do know I am making some changes in my life in the near future that will allow me to have more time to dig in and help work on the things my community and my state need. Given we’re blue as blue can be I’m guessing he’s gonna try and Newsome New Mexico too, and so we’re on our own solving our problems. Gonna need all of our best minds to do it.
I told someone the other day that knowing we only have until January 20th 2025 before the shit hits the fan is somehow making me take stock of the things that really mattter to me, kinda like someone who just got told they have Stage 4 cancer might feel. In some ways it’s liberating.
Its so wierd. So wierd. This country is so wierd. Life is so wierd.