Also, part of the reason we did bought InfoWars is because people on Bluesky told us it would be funny to buy InfoWars. And those people were right. This is the funniest thing that has ever happened.
Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.
All told, the decision to acquire InfoWars was an easy one for the Global Tetrahedron executive board. READ MORE HERE
Went over and poked around at The Onion, and it’s unnerving. They are too close, their hyperbole is too close to reality for comfort. I laugh for a while and then I gotta go because professional exaggerators are having a hard time staying ahead of the game.
The Onion said its “exclusive launch advertiser” will be the gun violence prevention organization Everytown for Gun Safety.
“Everytown will continue to raise awareness on InfoWars’ channels about gun violence prevention and present actual solutions to our nation’s gun violence crisis, including bipartisan, common-sense measures and public safety initiatives backed by Everytown,” The Onion said in a statement Thursday.
Donald Trump is a white DEI hire (@Needle_of_Arya) posted at 2:21 AM on Thu, Nov 14, 2024:
(certain but only) white journalists already tweeting about how we as a nation need to accommodate, understand, and eventually make peace with a MAGA voter who is not going away already feels like a public self-convincing of themselves to tolerate a MAGA-influenced Thanksgiving
(https://x.com/Needle_of_Arya/status/1856975757794218295?t=ZJAtHKhgwd58vGviCKVe7A&s=03)
Catherine Thee Democrat (@CMargaronis) posted at 1:33 PM on Tue, Nov 12, 2024:
Once again, President Uncle Joe cannot save you from poor voting choices by the electorate. Stop this magical thinking of expecting him to fly in with his cape and wave some magic wand.
I did not have the Onion on my bingo card, mostly because I don’t have a bingo card. Any suggestions on how to rectify this situation? Or will I have to create one?
Longtime lurker here, don’t usually have anything useful to say, especially given how fast comment threads grow. I’m glad to see this bit of news, though.
Donald Trump is a white DEI hire (@Needle_of_Arya) posted at 1:45 AM on Thu, Nov 14, 2024:
anti-Blackness may be global and each region of the world have its own distinctive flavor of it, but only in America does it come off as “white people angry that their former slaves aren’t slaves anymore,” and all newcomers eventually convert to that style of the bigotry
(https://x.com/Needle_of_Arya/status/1856966673938747653?t=39YUpsPVqR5mRTOwBueUfg&s=03)
phoenixrisng823 (@phoenixrisng821) posted at 8:03 PM on Wed, Nov 13, 2024:
I’m tired of these big accounts bashing Biden. There is no one to save us. We should have saved ourselves on Nov. 5th.
Victoria Brownworth (@VABVOX) posted at 6:06 AM on Thu, Nov 14, 2024:
Wild how Dems who voted for Trump or Trump proxy to “punish Harris” are now demanding Biden fix the damage they did. You threw the most vulnerable Americans and the entire freaking planet into a boiling cauldron of fascist hate and destruction and now you want a juice box and a
(https://x.com/VABVOX/status/1857032384840896552?t=FH1NRMJQz–bmGQfFu9ZzA&s=03)
Alex Jones is pissed his supporters didn’t win the auction and save him.😂
Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones went ballistic after his Infowars website was taken down during a live broadcast.
During a simulcast with Steve Bannon’s War Room on Thursday, Jones announced that Infowars.com was offline after The Onion successfully won an auction for the site’s assets.
“Steve, Infowars has been taken down!” Jones exclaimed. “Infowars.com has been taken down! No court order, nothing.”
*snip*
Bannon insisted he was “greatly honored to have been the last guest of Alex Jones on Infowars.”
Back in 1845, lots of Protestant churches split over abolition, and the secessionists put evil in their dogma. No wonder it has driven its adherents insane.
But it is, over and over, the Cult of the Confederacy, the Thing That Will Not Die, yet. Which is why I worry Trump’s mental or physical death will not be enough.
shitforbrains mental health has already hit rock bottom because he’s no longer god, president. He is still human, which of course has a rather wide range/levels of intelligence, humanity, personality, and something approaching reality. Just because he’s at the bottom level of most all of those doesn’t mean he’s not human. He’s a 78 yr old spoiled rotten, mentally deficient, pompously arrogant, and almost childlike – except for that he’s not really even close to a reasonable level of humanity, so not really childlike…. I’d put him at the level of fucked around and is sort of finding out. Does he have enough left to figure out and understand that what he is now is entirely his own doing? I’m going with no.
@rikyrah: I’m surprised a well-known billionaire like DJT didn’t save it or him. I mean all those free blow jobs (metaphoric!!) should count for something . . .
@TaMara: Dang, one of the legislators looks a bit like Tim Walz. Now, in my alternate universe, VP Walz breaks Senate tie votes with a haka. I can just see it!
The difference between The Onion and pre-Onion InfoWars is that the Onion tells its lies with a heartfelt respect for the truth, rather than InfoWars’ contempt for the truth.
@stinger: Now, in my alternate universe, VP Walz breaks Senate tie votes with a haka.
Heh. Nice fantasy, but sorry- Tim Walz is Minnesotan through and through, and doing a haka is the absolute LAST thing a Minnesotan would be caught doing.
ETA- showing your anger? Yelling in public? Sticking your tongue out and making faces at your enemies?
I feel like we just had an election where one side claimed they would get the sun to rain bacon at least twice a week and there was a little too much acceptance that this is a possible outcome.
Ohio Mom
If this is true, good! Satire is one of the few weapons we have left.
Elizabelle
Will take good news where it arrives. Go, Onion.
GregMulka
I subscribed because of this.
Belafon
I don’t know. I think they should turn it into a reliable news source. The title would be great.
TaMara
And before I get back to work, this is amazing.
Anonymous At Work
God has a sense of humor, and, boy, She’s got a vicious one.
GregMulka
@Belafon:
That is the absolute funniest thing they could do.
Formerly disgruntled in Oregon
“Your scream is very important to us.”
LOL
(Aaaaiiiigh!!!!!)
John S.
@TaMara:
That was fucking amazing!
DFH
Went over and poked around at The Onion, and it’s unnerving. They are too close, their hyperbole is too close to reality for comfort. I laugh for a while and then I gotta go because professional exaggerators are having a hard time staying ahead of the game.
Jackie
I love The Onion’s plans:
Needed this kind of news this morning!🥰
rikyrah
BWA HA HA HA AH AHA HH A
rikyrah
Donald Trump is a white DEI hire (@Needle_of_Arya) posted at 2:21 AM on Thu, Nov 14, 2024:
(certain but only) white journalists already tweeting about how we as a nation need to accommodate, understand, and eventually make peace with a MAGA voter who is not going away already feels like a public self-convincing of themselves to tolerate a MAGA-influenced Thanksgiving
(https://x.com/Needle_of_Arya/status/1856975757794218295?t=ZJAtHKhgwd58vGviCKVe7A&s=03)
rikyrah
Once again, President Uncle Joe cannot save you from poor voting choices by the electorate. Stop this magical thinking of expecting him to fly in with his cape and wave some magic wand.
We broke it, we bought it. https://t.co/KOKyQv4gcr
(https://x.com/CMargaronis/status/1856420139459367060?t=tn6KuuETRMsaPjPgXBJyNQ&s=03)
Butch
Ok, but I have to ask – the Onion really did buy it and that isn’t just the Onion being the Onion?
Old School
@Butch: It’s true.
JetsamPool
I did not have the Onion on my bingo card, mostly because I don’t have a bingo card. Any suggestions on how to rectify this situation? Or will I have to create one?
Longtime lurker here, don’t usually have anything useful to say, especially given how fast comment threads grow. I’m glad to see this bit of news, though.
geg6
I love this so much. A much needed laugh.
trollhattan
Dear god I cannot possibly love this sufficiently, but love it nevertheless.
trollhattan
@Butch: I’d be willing to bet they got in a bidding war with John Oliver. He would DEFINITELY do this, given half a chance.
rikyrah
Donald Trump is a white DEI hire (@Needle_of_Arya) posted at 1:45 AM on Thu, Nov 14, 2024:![]()
anti-Blackness may be global and each region of the world have its own distinctive flavor of it, but only in America does it come off as “white people angry that their former slaves aren’t slaves anymore,” and all newcomers eventually convert to that style of the bigotry
(https://x.com/Needle_of_Arya/status/1856966673938747653?t=39YUpsPVqR5mRTOwBueUfg&s=03)
rikyrah
phoenixrisng823![]()
![]()
![]()
(@phoenixrisng821) posted at 8:03 PM on Wed, Nov 13, 2024:
I’m tired of these big accounts bashing Biden. There is no one to save us. We should have saved ourselves on Nov. 5th.
Now, y’all want Biden to be a light dictator. If you love democracy. You love it even when it hurts you. Black folks know this. https://t.co/CjhDWNjYLv
(https://x.com/phoenixrisng821/status/1856880697023095044?t=Z53BaBk0AVxW0xbUbWBCdQ&s=03)
rikyrah
Bryan Behar (@bryanbehar) posted at 5:27 PM on Wed, Nov 13, 2024:
I’m not even sure most voters like eggs.
I’m more convinced that they just hate women, Blacks, gays, immigrants and Jews.
But it’s easier to say you want cheap eggs.
(https://x.com/bryanbehar/status/1856841379571499400?t=xBKSZHAzK_RwF2D2fR1zmg&s=03)
rikyrah
Victoria Brownworth (@VABVOX) posted at 6:06 AM on Thu, Nov 14, 2024:
Wild how Dems who voted for Trump or Trump proxy to “punish Harris” are now demanding Biden fix the damage they did. You threw the most vulnerable Americans and the entire freaking planet into a boiling cauldron of fascist hate and destruction and now you want a juice box and a
(https://x.com/VABVOX/status/1857032384840896552?t=FH1NRMJQz–bmGQfFu9ZzA&s=03)
Jackie
@Butch: Read my link @ #11. 😊
Jacel
@JetsamPool: I laughed at your bingo card lines, so thank you for showing up out of the lurk..
Jackie
Alex Jones is pissed his supporters didn’t win the auction and save him.😂
BAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Kayla Rudbek
@Butch: it made Law360 as well
WereBear
@rikyrah: It’s a very old cult.
Back in 1845, lots of Protestant churches split over abolition, and the secessionists put evil in their dogma. No wonder it has driven its adherents insane.
But it is, over and over, the Cult of the Confederacy, the Thing That Will Not Die, yet. Which is why I worry Trump’s mental or physical death will not be enough.
rikyrah
@Jackie:
LMAO SOME MORE
BWA HA HA HA AH AH AHA HA HA HA
Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony
@rikyrah:
This is so true, and I feel it so hard.
Ruckus
@WereBear:
shitforbrains mental health has already hit rock bottom because he’s no longer
god, president. He is still human, which of course has a rather wide range/levels of intelligence, humanity, personality, and something approaching reality. Just because he’s at the bottom level ofmostall of those doesn’t mean he’s not human. He’s a 78 yr old spoiled rotten, mentally deficient, pompously arrogant, and almost childlike – except for that he’s not really even close to a reasonable level of humanity, so not really childlike…. I’d put him at the level of fucked around and is sort of finding out. Does he have enough left to figure out and understand that what he is now is entirely his own doing? I’m going with no.Layer8Problem
@rikyrah: I’m surprised a well-known billionaire like DJT didn’t save it or him. I mean all those free blow jobs (metaphoric!!) should count for something . . .
stinger
@TaMara: Dang, one of the legislators looks a bit like Tim Walz. Now, in my alternate universe, VP Walz breaks Senate tie votes with a haka. I can just see it!
Bruce K in ATH-GR
The difference between The Onion and pre-Onion InfoWars is that the Onion tells its lies with a heartfelt respect for the truth, rather than InfoWars’ contempt for the truth.
Quicksand
@Layer8Problem: The thing about billionaires (rational ones, that is) is that they are very, VERY tight with money.
Jacel
I’m assuming that Infowars as operated by The Onion will deliver a vein of humor similar to The Colbert Report.
Salty Sam
Heh. Nice fantasy, but sorry- Tim Walz is Minnesotan through and through, and doing a haka is the absolute LAST thing a Minnesotan would be caught doing.
ETA- showing your anger? Yelling in public? Sticking your tongue out and making faces at your enemies?
That’s not Minnesota Nice!
Shalimar
I feel like we just had an election where one side claimed they would get the sun to rain bacon at least twice a week and there was a little too much acceptance that this is a possible outcome.
lowtechcyclist
@rikyrah:
They want eggs, I’d be happy to give them some for free. Airborne, of course.
artem1s
@Shalimar: The GOP will promise anything except a living wage, health care, civil rights, bodily autonomy, privacy…….
And the Dems can’t promise they will keep brown people from having all those things so they are obviously against REAL AMERICA™
artem1s
@lowtechcyclist: Also, too they want control over ALL the women’s eggs.
RevRick
@WereBear: The secessionists already had evil in their dogma since they vociferously defended slavery.
Tony G
@WereBear: Yes. Trump (like Hitler) is a symptom, not a root cause.
trnc
Subscribed to the Onion, which is a more than suitable replacement for the WashPo subscription I dropped.