This story was originally published on Aug 25, 2020 at 5:27 pm
I found this post from Ozark as I was searching for a Woofmeister photo for the pet calendar.
This photo of OzarkHillbilly and Billie Jean is in both of the 2025 Pets of Balloon Juice calendars.
It all started with a lovely comment Ozark posted in a Balloon Juice thread on July 5, 2020, which prompted me to drop him a line.
Hey Ozark,
Beautiful post this morning!
It reminded me that I have been wanting to ask you if you’d be interested in putting something together about the Woofmeister for the Furry Friends feature.
I would love to know more about the Woofmeister!
Pictures and stories. :-)
WaterGirl
So of course Ozark wrote back with the loveliest of stories. Make yourself comfortable, and settle in for this treat from OzarkHillbilly.
*****
Tales of The Woofmeister, Miss Kitty, and Percy
by OzarkHillbilly
By the time we bought the Hillbilly Haven, my wife and I had been wanting a dog for quite some time.
While I worked on the place trying to make it habitable before the landlords kicked us out of our house in Bourbon, we talked about the various breeds. A fellow carpenter had some red heeler pups but one look at their traits on the internet and we decided they would not be a good fit for Baby Girl (our 2 y/o granddaughter). Some years before I had had a white Lab (Willie Maybe, the Say Hey Dog) who was one of the sweetest, gentlest, most patient dogs I’d ever known and had traveled all over the Ozarks with me and the boys. The wife had seen his pictures with the boys and heard the stories and the more we talked of him the more we were sure we wanted a Lab. We started looking to see what we could find. HALO is the local animal rescue group and their website had 2 possibles. One was a Lab mix that was being fostered and the other was a full Lab at the Sullivan pound that HALO had an arrangement with.
The following Monday morning I called the Sullivan cop shop and talked with the animal control officer. He said he could meet me at the pound at 10 o’clock. As was my want, I got there about 15 mins early. He showed up about 10 mins later and we went in. He went back to the cage to let the dog out so we could get acquainted, opened the gate and WHOOOOSH! 80 lbs of black fur and determined bone, sinew, and muscle flashed past and out the still open door at the speed of light. We thought he was making a dash for freedom but no, he had stopped behind a sign (where he could have a little privacy, doncha you know) and for at least the next 10 mins he peed and pooped like he’d been holding it all weekend, which wasn’t far off the truth. As we looked at the spotless cage, the ACO told me he had last been there to give the animals their weekend feed at noon on Saturday.
I thought, “I want this dog.”
So once he had finally finished his business, we were introduced. He leaned hard against me and was very amenable to the liberal pettins and scritchins I was giving so I said, “OK, we’ll take him.” and hoped I wouldn’t be sorry.
In the pickup on the drive home I began to have second thoughts. He was in my lap and refused to get out of it. Driving with an 80 lb lap dog on our narrow, crooked, and steep roads is not for the faint of heart. At that point I was thinking “Static” might be the perfect name for him. (the vet estimated he was 1-2 y/o so he had a little more growing to do)
When the wife got home we discussed names. As I recall it was a very short conversation. When our granddaughter was just starting to talk, she would point at a dog and in a voice so soft you could barely hear her say, “Woof.” And so it was Woofie. After a while I kind of felt he needed something a little more dignified for when mingling in polite society and appended the “meister” on.
……………………………………………………………………
Woof was a snuggle bunny from the gitgo. He soon learned we were willing to share the couch and it didn’t take him long at all to become an inveterate lap Lab, knowing that every lap comes with generous belly scratchin’s and neck pettin’s. These days, if I want to sit on the couch I have to first pick up his head, hold it out of the way until I have sat, then when I let go I get 20#s of head flopping down on to my balls. One gets over the pain and besides, there is a belly in need of scratchin’s.
At first I tried to say “No dog on the bed!” (like any one was ever going to listen to me), but It wasn’t long before I was lucky to get a 6” strip of edge and maybe enough sheet to cover my feet. Maybe. If I was lucky.
……………………………………………………
Like most Labs, he loves retrieving. We soon settled on frisbees and before long he was leaping and catching them in flight. Not a good idea for a dog as big as he and I had to be careful to keep the flight low enough that he wouldn’t need to jump or high enough that he wouldn’t even try. His favorite is a black rubber Kong, They are soft and floppy and he can pick it up and shake it as violently as he likes, just like he would a squirrel, if he ever caught one.
It’s flexibility however makes it difficult to throw. I picked up on the nuances pretty quickly and was soon throwing it down the utility easement from one pole to the next, a distance of about 60-70 yards. Others would have difficulty. It always came out of the hand wrong, wobbling thru the air like a wounded duck and unceremoniously flopping to the ground at the end of some pitiable flight. My wife’s throws are… Just sad. That is the best one can say. My sons would invariably try to muscle it thru the air and while it would go further it still flew with all the grace of a platypus. Poor Woof, he would walk the ten or 12 steps to the embarrassing end of some ignominious flight, pick up the frisbee, and ignoring whoever threw it, bring it back to me. He’d look up at me and say, “Please? S/He throws like a girl.”
These days, he’s grown old and arthritic and now has congestive heart disease. He still wants to chase it and gets very excited the first throw or 2 but then he has to catch his breath and it takes longer with each toss. These days I only throw it about 20 yards or so and never down or up a hill. I keep it on the level. Sometimes I’ll throw it and he will stop and look off in the direction of where it went and just stand there. One might think he has forgotten what he’s doing, but he hasn’t. I think he’s just trying to decide whether it’s worth the trouble of getting it or not. Once he’s had enough he’ll walk to a spot 20’ or so away from me and flop to the ground.
……………………………………………………………………..
I always wondered why such a sweet, loving, well behaved dog would be abandoned. Despite his clinginess and almost complete attachment to me, those seemed more like the insecurities of abandonment, as he showed no additional signs of abuse. Now he did get dumped at the height of the Great Recession but economic insecurities just didn’t feel right. I soon found the real issue, or at least this is the story I like to tell myself: He does not like water. At all. I mean if it is raining? Forget running around in it or splashing thru the puddles, he will go and hide behind the bed at the first hint of raindrops on the roof. He will hold a pee for hours if there is water falling from the sky. This is a fatal defect in a hunting Lab.
I think it was 4 years before I managed to coax him into a shallow creek and all he wanted was out.
Eventually he did get to the point where he would follow me into the water, but sadly it was only because he felt it his sacred duty to rescue me from the enveloping waters. I’d have claw marks for a week after his attempts to drive me back to shore.
Once while at a creek front property belonging to a buddy of mine, we decided to go check out a nearby cave. We had no lights or anything it was just… Cavers, we gotta smell the darkness. Knowing Woof would insist on rescuing me, I had my wife leash him up, telling her to wait about 15 mins before freeing him, and off K and I went. We crossed the creek, leaving a very unhappy lap Lab behind. After the creek we had to wade thru a long, wide, waist deep, leach filled oxbow and then scramble up a low tick infested bluff line to the entrance of the cave. We went in. It was walking for the first 100’ or so, then it was stoop walking with a scramble over a low ledge here and another there. It is surprisingly hard to avoid hitting one’s helmetless head on the ceiling when navigating the twilight zone but we more or less managed to keep our skulls unscarred until we could no longer see our hands in front of our faces and decided we had reached the end of this little 3 hour tour. We sat back and relaxed for a few minutes, just enjoying the darkness and the damp moldy smell of cave. All of a sudden I had 100# of wet fur, claws and happy tongue lapping at my face.
“Damn it dog!”
………………………………………………………………………
Anyone who has ever had a Labrador knows that their tails are forces of nature. They can take a coffee table from cluttered to clear in 1.2 seconds. Percy is just tall enough that if he is standing/sitting behind Woof the tail whacks him hard about the face. I half expect him to just slump to the floor unconscious one of these days. One time when she was 3 or so, Baby Girl got caught in that spot.
Wap whappity wapwap… “Stop it Woof!!” her arms up trying to protect her face. Wapwap whappitywhappity wapwapwap…
She marched around in front of him, grabbed his jaws in a two handed grip and got 2 inches nose to nose and said, “I said stop it Woof!” with a very stern air of command. He just looked at her. And wagged his tail.
My wife says his tail is a perfect Daddy meter. If I come into a room his tail will thump. Just once. The closer I get to him, the more it thumps. By the time I bend over to give him a rub it is going like Buddy Rich on the Tonight Show with Carson.
……………………………………………………………….
Miss Kitty arrived a few months after Woof and he didn’t have any issues adjusting to her presence, beyond the usual teen aged “Oh boy, a friend to play with!!!” that she set him straight on right quick. After a week or so they pretty much just ignored each other. The only exception being, if Woof is getting a treat, by gawd she’d better get one too!
Percy’s arrival was a different story. There was no aggression, it was just that all of Woof’s insecurities came back to the fore and Percy’s insecurities just reinforced them. I can’t pet one without petting the other. If I go to the toilet and forget to latch the door, they both come in for butt scratchins (idle hands are the Devil’s playground). If I sit down on the couch there is an immediate competition for the “Daddy spot,” the spot next to me where they can have physical contact. One would think that a 100# Lab would beat the 50# mutt every time, but one would be wrong. It starts with Woof’s head in my lap. Percy jumps up behind him and lays down with his head on Woof’s butt and his eyes firmly fixed on the point of contact between Woof and I. He is waiting and time is on his side. But it’s not easy. Woofie has big feet and he sometimes uses them to push Percy off. But Percy is nothing if not persistent. He perseveres. And watches.
Eventually Woof rolls a little bit onto his back for the belly scritchens. As they proceed he stretches out and a curl will develop in his back and a 3 or 4 inch diameter hole will appear between us and…. Percy pounces. A third on Woof’s head, a third on my lap with the final third weaseling it’s way in between us. Woof will surrender at that point, get up and flop down onto the floor.
One night not too long ago, after one of these dramas had played itself out, Woof got up and went to the door. Turned his head and as per usual looked at me. “Yeah yeah, give me a minute.” I disentangled myself from Percy on the couch, got up and went to the door. Percy followed. I opened the door. Percy went out. Woof turned around, went over to the couch and jumped up on it.
Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
WaterGirl
I have been missing OzarkHllblly. He was such a good guy, and a great storyteller. One of a kind. love you and missing you, Ozark.
Baud
I can’t stay to reminisce, but just wanted to say, miss ya, man.
Ben Cisco
Good dog. And good man, Miss OH,
Raven
Damn I miss him.The calendar came today so I was already thinking about him.
Ohio Mom
Is that Ozark in the photo? That’s the first of him I’ve ever seen, he looks even sweeter than I’d imagined. For some reason it’s very moving to get to know him a bit more by finally seeing his face.
WaterGirl
@Raven: Me, too.
He always signed his emails to me with this:
yer ever lov’n OzarkHillbilly
What I wouldn’t give for another email from him.
WaterGirl
@Ohio Mom: Yep, that’s our beloved Ozark with Billie Jean up top.
Raven
When he died I let Ol Azul know and here’s his comment.
“Tx. for letting me know. Been awhile since I last checked in. Fact, last I did, learnt that Betty Cracker had cancer, which just proves (once again!) that life ain’t fair. Ozark was one of the BJ treasures, I enjoy him and his stories and comments, and you and he were personally close as memory serves, so very sad news on multiple fronts.”
moonbat
A great puppy tale. I miss OzarkHillbilly.
MomSense
@Raven:
Please say hello to Ol Azul for me. I’ve had some great music in my life the last few years and always wished I could share with him and hear his thoughts on those pieces and find out what he’s been listening to.
Nukular Biskits
Awesome post!
MagdaInBlack
I don’t think I’ve seen a picture of Ozark til now. I sure do miss him in the early morning coffee shift
Miss Bianca
Oh, I remember this post. And the doggie dynamic he describes is so like that between Watson and Susi. Watson with the Lab-mix Tail of Doom and the intense jealousy of any attention going to Susi. And the couch maneuvering, oh, my word…
Yeah, absent friends being absent this Christmas has been kind of hard. I miss you too, OH. Blech.
Gin & Tonic
Yeah, really miss him. Steep and Amir, too.
And that reminds me, JR in WV was going through major health issues, and I haven’t seen him in some time, is there any info? I’ll assume it’s bad news on that front as well.
stinger
I never met OzarkHillbilly in person, and as an infrequent commenter I never exchanged comments with him directly. But he’d become such a fixture in my Balloon Juice “world” that I’m still surprised to remember or be reminded that he’s gone. Thanks so much for this post, and condolences to all who loved him.
Scout211
@Gin & Tonic:
Sad News About J.R. in WV
Posted almost a year ago.
schrodingers_cat
@Gin & Tonic:Yes to Steep and Amir. BTW did we hear from or about Amir? I missed that post.
I too miss Ozark. He always shared my joy when I scored some art supply that I had been looking for months on eBay. And he had kind critiques of my work. I remember he loved Medusa from Mythomorphia that I had posted earlier this year.
SiubhanDuinne
A Sunday morning of tears, smiles, and laughs. Miss you, Ozark, dear man.
schrodingers_cat
@SiubhanDuinne: How have you been? Colored anything off late?
Here are two of my recent ones
Not a holiday tree, but I am working on this wreath
And here is a dragonfly from Rita Berman’s book on Summer.
Scout211
Thank you for this lovely thread, WaterGirl.
OH was always kind and ever helpful to his fellow jackals. He will be missed.
Gin & Tonic
@Scout211:
Thanks, missed that somehow.
Gin & Tonic
@schrodingers_cat:
No news about Amir that I’m aware of.
delphinium
Rest in peace OH. Miss all of your wonderful stories and photos.
WaterGirl
@Gin & Tonic: I contacted Amir several times, with no reply. I did all the research I could, and then I pulled in Steeplejack and his google fu, and he had no more success than I did. Another country and a common name. I am sadly assuming that Amir is gone.
Kristine
Great story. I miss O.H. too.
oldgold
Every successful group, such as a team, business or blog, needs glue guys/ gals. They are essential to keeping the group together and moving in the right direction. Ozark Hillbilly was that. Beyond that, he was also a star – a trait rarely seen in a glue guy.
Eunicecycle
That’s the first picture of OH I remember seeing. I recall he used to say people assumed he was RWNJ because of the beard. But that’s not what I see in that picture! Maybe an old hippie beard which would indicate love and kindness. I think it fit him to a T.
Quiltingfool
Thank you for posting this, Watergirl.
HinTN
Ozark’s replies were always color commentary to my pedantic play-by-play, but he was unfailingly gracious, engaged and highly knowledgeable of his subject matter. Thanks for reprising this great post, WG. Miss you, OH. Blech, indeed.
zhena gogolia
I miss him so much. Steep, Amir, JRinWV too. Nice people all.
H.E.Wolf
@zhena gogolia:
Auld acquaintance shall not be forgot on this blog. Thanks for listing some of those who always seemed to be pourers of the cup o’ kindness.
Elizabelle
Ozark looks soulful. Kindly gentleman, who did not tolerate fools, and good for him. I guess he and Woof and Percy are together now. Miss him and Steep and Amir, and their departed pet housemates.
jimmiraybob
As a life-long citybilly from St. Louis, that has spent a long life exploring the Ozarks, I immediately recognized where that first picture was taken – outside of the Venice Cafe. I was just there a couple of nights ago.
If you ever visit STL you should visit the Cafe and raise a pint to OH. I certainly will in the near future.
Merry Solstice to all.
WaterGirl
@Elizabelle: Percy is still with us!
WaterGirl
I love Billie Jean looking up at Ozark with so much love and adoration.
Kathleen
@Eunicecycle: He emanates kindness and gentleness. A sweet soul. Thanks, WG, for sharing this story.
CaseyL
Thank you for posting this, WG.
OH was fierce and kind, sentimental and smart, and always worth listening to. I miss him and his stories, and hope his family (human and non-) is faring well.
NutmegAgain
Such a lovely story.
Ohio Mom
@WaterGirl: I remember the digging you did to confirm debbie from Columbus, Ohio’s death too.
Every time we have one of these posts, I am reminded that I should draw up a letter of instruction and one of the items should be directing my heirs to contact you at Balloon Juice. It would be good manners
WaterGirl
@Ohio Mom: Not knowing is hard.
Sure Lurkalot
I often encountered Ozark on overnight and crack of dawn threads (insomnia). Enjoyed his comments about his gardens, homestead and building projects, the chickens, the doggos and the grandkids…everything except the caving, which he loved doing like all the rest of the things he cared for. Rest in peace, good man.
Dark Magus
Ok, these pictures are making me de-lurk after many, many years lurking here.
That first picture looks to be maybe the corner of Lemp and Pestalozzi, near Benton Park in St. Louis? It has been a very long time ago, but I grew up in the St. Louis area. And as a kid I roamed the Ozark hills with a big black Labrador who was the spitting image of OzarkHillbilly’s Woofmeister. Everything he says about Labs’ personalities and their hyperactive tails is completely true. Brings back a lot of memories. Except unlike Woofmeister my old Lab loved water and thought chasing frogs into ponds was one of the greatest joys in life. I don’t think he ever did catch one, though…
I was lucky enough to have known OzarkHillbilly a little bit out here in the so-called “real world”. We were both demented cavers (is there another kind?). I haven’t lived in Missouri for many years now, but the caving community across the country is not huge, so we had many scattered caving friends in common, and had worked on some of the same caving projects. We especially had fun swapping stories about exploration and mapping expeditions we had been on in Lechuguilla Cave in New Mexico. I think Ozark referred to it here a few times. It is a vast and unique system that is large enough that groups doing exploration there commonly camp deep in the cave for a week at a time. It is also truly one of the world’s most spectacularly pretty caves.
He really was as friendly and funny as he came across when posting here. I hope he would not have minded if I share now one (Lechuguilla-related) caving story he told me, excerpted from one of his emails to me:
“Kind of a funny story: My (last) (for good) wife is from Mallorca. We went for a visit with her family one December in the mid ’00s. On the off chance, she wrote one of the local cavers saying, “I’m from the island and while I wasn’t a caver when I lived there I am one now. Is there any chance you could show us a cave or 2?” To which he replied, “Not only will I show you a cave, I will show you the most beautiful cave in the world!” I told my wife, “You tell him I’ve been to Lechuguilla and it is the most beautiful cave in the world. If he has one more beautiful than that I will eat my caving helmet.”
He took us to Cova des Pas de Vallgornera.
I have to say that cave helmets are crunchy, but not too bad with a dash of Worcestershire and a little soy sauce.”
We lost a good one. He was a real mensch.
Tdjr
I haven’t checked in much lately but I thought of Ozark today and stopped by. Amazing that this post was here. I’m teary-eyed but thank you WG.
zhena gogolia
@Ohio Mom: Did we learn that debbie is gone?
Baud
@zhena gogolia:
WG found a Debbie that we think was our Debbie.
zhena gogolia
@Baud: Oh, I’m sorry. Maybe I remember that now — it wasn’t definitive, but probable.
WaterGirl
@zhena gogolia: Yes, I think there were too many matches for this not to have been our debbie.
https://balloon-juice.com/2024/02/17/sad-news-about-debbie/
KatKapCC
Oh, that top picture is so lovely. RIP to Mr Ozark <3
zhena gogolia
@WaterGirl: I see I’m on that thread — I guess I let that slip mentally.
O. Felix Culpa
@Dark Magus: Lovely story, and expresses Ozark to a T. I miss him terribly. As you said, he was a real mensch.
jimmiraybob
@Dark Magus: “That first picture looks to be maybe the corner of Lemp and Pestalozzi, near Benton Park in St. Louis?”
Yes, outside the Venice Cafe.
Madeleine
Every Sunday when the Garden Chat title appears on my screen, my breath catches and I think “Ozark won’t be here.” I miss him.
raven
@Dark Magus: Do you know Mark Minton? He was my room mate at Illinois in 1969.
scribbler
Such a wonderful man, who loved his granddaughters so. I especially loved his pictures and descriptions of building the Zen Garden. It was always lovely to see him in the morning and gardening posts. He is sorely missed.
Miss Bianca
@Dark Magus: What a great story, thanks for sharing it!
Dark Magus
Raven: Yes, I believe I have met Mark, although I don’t know him well personally. I know some of the folks he caved with in Texas and Mexico through the years, though. He is pretty well known in the caving world. Cool that he was your room mate!
Madeleine
@Dark Magus: Thanks for your memories of Ozark, and for the gift of his story. Such a pleasure to read and the surprise of the punchline!
Quinerly
@jimmiraybob:
If you are at the Venice, you are 3 blocks from where I lived for 30 years.
Love reading the comments on this thread. Ozark is missed for sure.
Quinerly
@WaterGirl:
I’ll tell my old buddy that the last pic he took of his buddy made a national blog and calendar😉 As I like to say, “Book of Faces being used for good, not evil.”
I think he will get a kick out of it. Or perhaps you got in touch with him yourself?
Been off BJ a few days. Great to pull up this thread.
MagdaInBlack
@Dark Magus: Thank you for that story =-)
Betsy
I loved his gentle yet incisive comments. He contributed such long life-years of wisdom and insight to this blog. I watched for his comments.
Rest in peace, good Ozark Hillbilly.
laura
OzarkHillbilly looks exactly like I’d imagine him, kind, seasoned, loving on a creature, and exuding a sweet and gentle vibe. Oh, how he is missed.
Jackie
@Madeleine:
You, and most of us – if not all of us. Sunday Garden posts always give me a momentary twinge of sadness.
raven
@Dark Magus: There were three of us all named Mark. I was fresh home from Vietnam and not much of a roommate, he was a serious student as well as a caver. Me. . .off the hook.
jimmiraybob
@Quinerly: One of my first thoughts when I opened the page and saw this post was of Quinerly and a discussion we had here on the music scene. I “discovered” the Venice Cafe in the late 70’s and group it in with other favorite venues like Joe’s Cafe.
It’s interesting to “meet” people that you never knew and wonder how many times you rubbed elbows.
Baud
That’s an amazing photo of OH. Glad we got a chance to see it.
rikyrah
I have been missing Ozark. Thank you for this😢
Quinerly
@jimmiraybob:
I am so bad about matching nyms with great off topic chit chat here. Do remember our chat.
I was a little homesick Thurs night. Friends sent me a video of Soulard Blues Band playing at Joe’s Cafe. Then a good friend who tends bar there at Joe’s messaged me about the Tucson stuff I am posting on FB. He wants to put a SW trip together and spend some time in my now adopted city of Santa Fe and check out some these haunts I am discovering in Tucson. So, yes, I’m kinda homesick…Not sure if it’s for St. Louis or Santa Fe.
Seeing the video of my old friend Art Dwyer in the Soulard Blues Band really kinda stopped me in my tracks for a moment. Such a great group in all their incarnations. Rich Cotten (sax) was a friend and neighbor. We lost him 15 years ago.
Take care. Have a great week.
jimmiraybob
@Quinerly: Brian Casserly, the Soulard Blues Band trumpet player, lives across the street from me and reminded me of the upcoming Joe’s gig and warned me it was selling out fast. I was too slow.
OzarkHillbilly’s Widow
@Dark Magus: I can help but wonder who you are. I can only think of one caver who has been in Lechuguilla and would know this story. Mind telling me your name?
WaterGirl
@OzarkHillbilly’s Widow: Hi MIcky!
if Dark Magus doesn’t see your comment, I can send email to the account he listed.
Debbie(Aussie)
@OzarkHillbilly’s Widow:
we all think we know how very much he loved you Micky. Please know that we love and miss him too, so much. Think of him, you his sons and granddaughters often. May his love and memory, eventually, bring more joy than pain.
Sorry if this was inappropriate.
regatds
deb
Dark Magus
WaterGirl – I just sent you an email to forward on. Please let me know if you didn’t get it. Thanks.
WaterGirl
@Dark Magus: I didn’t get the email.
Did you send it to
watergirl at balloon-juice.com
Quinerly
@jimmiraybob:
Adore Brian. Great guy.
I miss all “my” St. Louis musicians.