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You are here: Home / Open Threads / I Have Never Heard of Jeff Maurer, But This Is Too Fun Not to Share

I Have Never Heard of Jeff Maurer, But This Is Too Fun Not to Share

by WaterGirl|  April 23, 202510:12 am| 123 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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Commenter Lucidamente linked to this is my Are We Sure He’s Not the Antichrist? post last night.

I have never heard of Jeff Maurer, but this just got more fun as it went on in this article that was fake-written as JD Vance. I see that Maurer has a newsletter called I Might Be Wrong.

An excerpt.  You really should click over to read the whole thing.

…And that’s why, when I learned that Pope Francis had passed away almost immediately after meeting with me on Easter Sunday, and that basically his last act on Earth was to rebuke the path that President Trump and I have chosen, I thought: “People are going to make something of this.” That’s just the world we live in; when the Pope grasps your hand, issues a stark warning, and then dies, almost as if he had been kept alive purely to deliver a dire message directly from God, the bedwetters and snowflakes will try to find some symbolism in that sequence of events.

And sure enough, they have! Cut-ups on social media are trying to make a connection between me shaking the Pope’s hand and his so-proximate-as-to-be-functionally-concurrent death. But I know the truth: These things simply happen. Pope Francis was 88. And sometimes, you meet the Pope during a time of turmoil, he pulls you close and issues an admonition, and then passes away with your hand practically still clasped within his so that you may feel the icy grip of death enter his body in a chilling representation of what might happen to the Body of Mankind should you not heed his warning. Ho hum.

My meeting with the Pope went fine. In fact, it went great — he entered the hallway in the Domus Sanctae Marthae and announced that he was feeling better than he had in years! He then stunned me and the other well-wishers by doing 50 burpees and flawlessly executing the “run up the wall” trick! It looked like reports of him feeling better after a bout of bronchitis in February were true. And all seemed well as he greeted the select audience of Easter revelers — he was smiling and laughing, and even dishing out a high five or two. In no way was the event an eerie harbinger of impending disaster.

When it was my turn to greet the pontiff, I offered my hand and said “It’s an honor, Your Holiness.” Immediately upon taking my hand, Pope Francis’ posture shot perfectly straight and his eyes grew wide. A sudden burst of icy wind blew open the shutters of the ancient hall, and a deafening thunderclap disrupted what had previously been a pleasant day. Pope Francis looked at…well, not at me, but at my soul, if that makes sense, and began muttering “Tenebrae ego testor! Tenebrae ego testor!”, which I later learned translates to “The darkness! I witness it!” I tried to be affable: “I’m J.D. Vance, Vice President of the United States,” I said, summoning a polite smile. And I couldn’t quite make out the pope’s response, because by that point, the clouds had moved inside and spawned several tornadoes, and the wind was tossing relics and ancient art around the hall while people fled in terror, and that made it kind of tough to hear.

I thought my audience with Pope Francis might be over, but it wasn’t: He pulled me close and — in a voice that seemed to be coming from another dimension — said “My son: You must change course. Disaster looms.” I was shocked, because the pope — or someone, or something — spoke those words in Aramaic, which I don’t speak, but I understood the language perfectly in that moment. The pope then gestured to the frescos of Christian martyrs on the wall, and said “Mira ellos lloran” (“look, they weep”), and sure enough: Depictions of Saint Peter, Saint Paul, and others had begun crying real, human tears. “Mirar!” the pope said (“Look!”), and held up his hand: The flesh had melted away like candle wax on the palm I had touched.

Is that weird? I don’t know — I’ve never met the pope before, I don’t have anything to compare it to.

And another excerpt:

They’ll probably also try to make something of the fact that as I was exiting St. Peter’s Basilica — possibly at the exact moment that Pope Francis was shuffling off this mortal coil — the Earth’s crust opened up and a thousand black angels emerged and began laying waste to Vatican City. That’s exactly the type of thing the media loves to exaggerate: I meet the head of the Catholic Church, the legions of the unholy emerge from the underworld and impale humanity at that precise moment, and CNN tries to insinuate that A somehow caused B.

They’ll probably also center me in this story by pointing out that the destruction of Christianity’s spiritual core by scores of hell-spawned imps didn’t actually happen, but was, in reality, a terrifying hallucination experienced only by me. They’ll play the cell phone video that one of my staffers took of me trembling on the ground yelling “I SURRENDER TO THE TERROR!!!” But, folks: That horrifying vision of what might be came and went. There are other reasons why I might have had a vivid fantasy of humanity’s end. For example: I had eaten an expired Yoplait that morning — I probably just had a touch of food poisoning!

Would it be wrong to speculate?  It would be wrong not to!

Open thread.

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    123Comments

    1. 1.

      suzanne

      April 23, 2025 at 10:16 am

      The Vance-killing-the-Pope memes in the last few days have been top-notch and have given me much life.

      Reply
    2. 2.

      Lucidamente

      April 23, 2025 at 10:18 am

      Thanks for the h/t!

      Reply
    3. 3.

      Jeffro

      April 23, 2025 at 10:19 am

      I see that ol’ JD is telling both Ukraine and Russia to accept the U.S. peace plan or America will “walk away”.

      Never mind that the peace plan gives Russia everything it wants, and offers Ukraine no guarantees whatsoever.

      Russian puppet JD Vance, go f*** yourself.

      Reply
    4. 4.

      mrmoshpotato

      April 23, 2025 at 10:20 am

      “Hillbilly” Asshole killed the Pope, then fucked a couch in celebration.

      Reply
    5. 5.

      NotMax

      April 23, 2025 at 10:28 am

      @mrmoshpotato

      “Sofa, so good.”
      //

      Reply
    6. 6.

      Raoul Paste

      April 23, 2025 at 10:35 am

      “ just a touch of food poisoning,…”

      More gravy than grave.

      Reply
    7. 7.

      Chief Oshkosh

      April 23, 2025 at 10:36 am

      Gee, I sure hope Peter Thiel isn’t jealous. Maybe Vance should visit him, too.

      Reply
    8. 8.

      Miss Bianca

      April 23, 2025 at 10:39 am

      I did just read that, someone had linked to it in another post. Yeah, it was awesome.

      Reply
    9. 9.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 10:46 am

      That’s so good, it must have been written by AI.

      Reply
    10. 10.

      NotMax

      April 23, 2025 at 10:48 am

      FYI.

      Town Hall Crowd Boos As Republican Congressman Blames Obama For DOGE.

      Reply
    11. 11.

      Scout211

      April 23, 2025 at 10:53 am

      Look out, all you jackals from the Cincinnati area, JD Vance’s half-brother is running for mayor.

      Cory Bowman was feeling inspired in January as he headed home after watching his half brother, JD Vance, be inaugurated as vice president.

      The 36-year-old Bowman, who shares a father with Vance, was already active in the community, starting an evangelical church in Cincinnati’s West End and later opening a coffee shop. But he hadn’t thought politics was his calling.

      Now, suddenly, he did. He decided to launch a campaign for mayor.

      “There was nobody that pushed me into it, nobody that told me that this is a pathway I should go,” he said in an interview one recent morning. “But I just thought this would be a great way to help impact the city in another realm as well, because that’s always been the focus.”

      Sure, sure, Cory. You aren’t trying to cash in on your half-brother’s name.  No, not at all.

      But seriously?

      Evangelical church  ✔️

      Ohio diner coffee shop ✔️

      Brother’s coattails ✔️

      He’s got it all covered. He thinks.  LOL

      Reply
    12. 12.

      prostratedragon

      April 23, 2025 at 10:54 am

      Thank you! Fun to read aloud.

      Reply
    13. 13.

      Deputinize America

      April 23, 2025 at 10:59 am

      More AI fun:

      **Title: *The Revelation of Donald J. Trump***

      **June 6, 2026 – Live on Truth Social TV**

      The camera panned across a rapturous crowd at a packed megachurch in Orlando, Florida. Golden *TRUMP 2024* banners hung from the rafters, and a massive cross stood illuminated behind the stage. The air was thick with anticipation as the former president—now in his second term—stepped up to the podium.

      “My fellow Americans, my beloved Christians,” Trump began, his voice uncharacteristically solemn. “Today, I must confess something to you—something the fake news will never understand.”

      The crowd murmured. Some leaned forward, their Bibles clutched tightly in their hands.

      “For years, they called me a liar, a cheat, a dictator. They said I was divisive. They said I was dangerous.” He paused, smirking. “But what if I told you… they were right?”

      A nervous chuckle rippled through the audience.

      “I am the Antichrist.”

      Silence. Then—laughter. Surely, this was another one of his jokes. But Trump’s expression didn’t change.

      “Don’t believe me? Let’s go through the checklist.” He pulled out a sheet of paper. “*Claims to be a savior?* Well, you all call me your chosen one. *Rises to power through deception?* The media said I lied—maybe I did. *Unites the world under a single leader?* I’ve been saying ‘One Nation, Under God’—but *my* God.”

      Some in the crowd gasped. Others nodded, as if this were a sermon they’d been waiting for.

      A pastor in the front row stood up, trembling. “Brother Trump… are you serious?”

      Trump grinned. “Deadly. And yet—you’re still here. Because deep down, you always knew. And you *liked* it.”

      The cameras cut to evangelical leaders in the crowd. Some looked stunned. But then, Paula White-Cain stood, clapping. “Praise the Lord! He’s testing our faith!”

      Jerry Falwell Jr., grinning, shouted, “If Trump’s the Antichrist, then the Rapture’s coming—and that’s *good* news!”

      Within hours, the reaction split the nation. Liberal media erupted in panic, but the evangelical base—after initial shock—rallied behind him. *”Better the Antichrist we know than the socialist devil we don’t!”* became a trending hashtag.

      Televangelists rebranded Trump’s confession as a *divine test of loyalty*. “The Bible says many will be deceived,” Franklin Graham preached. “But if we *know* he’s the Antichrist and still support him, that means we’re *outsmarting* prophecy!”

      By 2027, churches displayed *666* alongside *MAGA* flags. Trump’s policies grew bolder—mandatory “patriotism” classes, a new national religion blending Christianity and Trumpism, and a crackdown on dissenters labeled “enemies of God’s chosen timeline.”

      And through it all, his followers cheered.

      Because if this was the End Times, they wanted front-row seats.

      Reply
    14. 14.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 11:00 am

      @Scout211:

      I was not stealing a cookie when the cookie jar broke.

      I was not stealing a cookie when the cookie jar broke.

      I was not stealing a cookie when the cookie jar broke.

      Totally believable!

      Reply
    15. 15.

      Old Man Shadow

      April 23, 2025 at 11:02 am

      Worth reading.

      We’ve been living in a police state. It’s just getting worse. And we need to resist it.

      https://radleybalko.substack.com/p/the-courage-to-be-decent

      Reply
    16. 16.

      NotMax

      April 23, 2025 at 11:04 am

      @WaterGirl

      “I was liberating the cookies from undeserved incarceration.”
      //

      Reply
    17. 17.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 11:11 am

      @NotMax:

      I read that in Cookie Monster’s voice.

      Reply
    18. 18.

      RevRick

      April 23, 2025 at 11:20 am

      @Baud: Is that any different from your regular voice?

      Reply
    19. 19.

      Scout211

      April 23, 2025 at 11:23 am

      @Old Man Shadow: I read that earlier this morning. Very good read.

      Reply
    20. 20.

      Jeffro

      April 23, 2025 at 11:23 am

      OT but just a reminder that everyone should be keeping a bottle of good champagne in their fridge for when The Day, The Glorious Day finally arrives.

      Reply
    21. 21.

      JML

      April 23, 2025 at 11:25 am

      Let the mockery of JD Vance never end. he’s such a tool.

      Reply
    22. 22.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 11:25 am

      @RevRick:

      Sometimes I’m more Oscar the Grouch.

      Reply
    23. 23.

      sixthdoctor

      April 23, 2025 at 11:28 am

      Durbin’s retiring at the end of his term.

      The decision of whether to run for re-election has not been easy. I truly love the job of being a United States Senator.
      But in my heart, I know it’s time to pass the torch.

      So, I am announcing today that I will not be seeking re-election at the end of my term.

      [image or embed]

      — Senator Dick Durbin (@durbin.senate.gov) April 23, 2025 at 11:17 AM

      Reply
    24. 24.

      NotMax

      April 23, 2025 at 11:34 am

      @Jeffro

      Gonna need a large ice bucket. Dicey whether a jeroboam will fit in the fridge.
      ;)

      Reply
    25. 25.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 11:34 am

      @sixthdoctor:

      Wow. When does his term end?

      Reply
    26. 26.

      sixthdoctor

      April 23, 2025 at 11:36 am

      @Baud: He was up for re-election in 2026.

      Reply
    27. 27.

      stinger

      April 23, 2025 at 11:47 am

      I had eaten an expired Yoplait

      For some reason I’m picturing him eating it with his fingers. While wearing white boots. All these creepy Republicans are so much alike.

      Reply
    28. 28.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 11:56 am

      @sixthdoctor: Yay on that!  Mostly.  God help us in Illinois, though, if we don’t replace Durbin with a Democratic Senator.

      IL may be mostly blue, but there’s a sea of red and more often than not I have been stuck with RED representatives, governors, etc.

      Reply
    29. 29.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 12:00 pm

      Chris D. Jackson
      @ChrisDJackson
      🚨 According to Gallup, a record-high 53% of Americans say their financial situation is getting worse—the first majority saying so since 2001.

      Meanwhile, Trump’s busy golfing and tanking the stock market with every tantrum.

      Welcome to the Golden Age! 😂
      https://x.com/ChrisDJackson/status/1914782862399737904

      Reply
    30. 30.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 12:01 pm

      @WaterGirl: Illonois Democrats ought to be able to nominate a capable Senate candidate. I wonder if Rep. Sean Casten will run. Casten seems pretty solid; in 2018 he flipped a Republican seat in the Chicago suburbs.

      Reply
    31. 31.

      frosty

      April 23, 2025 at 12:05 pm

      @Jeffro: ​ a bottle of good champagne

      Especially because the stuff from France could become unobtainium in the near future.

      Reply
    32. 32.

      Shakti

      April 23, 2025 at 12:07 pm

      @Scout211: There are some surprisingly ….. people in Ohio around Cincinnati and Cleveland. Quite a few sundown towns in those areas and in little Ohio towns.

      Or maybe he sees an opportunity for some grift at the very least.

      Reply
    33. 33.

      frosty

      April 23, 2025 at 12:07 pm

      @WaterGirl: Illinois sounds just like PA. Except your red sections don’t have a cool nickname like Pennsyltucky. Or is there one I’ve never heard?

      Reply
    34. 34.

      YY_Sima Qian

      April 23, 2025 at 12:09 pm

      Seen from the Shanghai Auto Show, happening this week:

      Ash@AshinChina
      Biggest take away from the auto show: global media asking about tariffs…. And Chinese auto makers literally not caring about the U.S. market anyway

      tphuang@tphuang
      global media can’t read simple fact sheet that says China doesn’t export cars to US

      This show appears to be by far the most well attended one to date, in terms of international media, from MSM, industry publications, & auto/mobility bloggers.

      Reply
    35. 35.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 12:11 pm

      Jasmine Crockett called out Marjorie Taylor Greene on Jimmy Kimmel last night: “She’s dumb and a lowlife.”

      Reply
    36. 36.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 12:17 pm

      Tim Walz’s tweet on Elon Musk stepping back from government work

      Reply
    37. 37.

      Citizen Dave

      April 23, 2025 at 12:20 pm

      @Geminid: ​  Our legislature in Indiana can help you stay blue. They are facilitating the move of several downstate Illinois counties into Indiana (as if we need to get redder).
      What about Pritzker running?
      It’s funny how the ‘tucky term is used so much. The city north of me–Noblesville–has long been known as Nobletucky.​
      ​
      ​

      Reply
    38. 38.

      Betty Cracker

      April 23, 2025 at 12:20 pm

      @WaterGirl: Good for him. I don’t know the political situation in IL, but there’s reason to hope for a wave election for Dems.

      Reply
    39. 39.

      schrodingers_cat

      April 23, 2025 at 12:26 pm

      Its time to make Lauren Underwood the senator from IL.

      Reply
    40. 40.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 12:27 pm

      @schrodingers_cat:

      Oh, that would be sweet.

      Reply
    41. 41.

      Old Dan and Little Ann

      April 23, 2025 at 12:28 pm

      This made me think of the Seinfeld episode when Puddy painted his face for the Devils game and then almost got hit by the car with the Priest in the backseat.  Puddy screamed at the priest and he was never the same.  “El Diablo!”

      Reply
    42. 42.

      Betty Cracker

      April 23, 2025 at 12:30 pm

      @Old Man Shadow: Good read, and yeah, very disturbing.

      Reply
    43. 43.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 12:30 pm

      Durbin is retiring.

       

      I’m all in for Senator Lauren Underwood.

      Reply
    44. 44.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 12:31 pm

      NO HOME TRAINING.

      Jack Detsch (@JackDetsch) posted at 7:38 PM on Tue, Apr 22, 2025:
      NEW: Departing Hegseth chief of staff Joe Kasper ran into trouble at DOD by berating officials in meetings, calling military officials by a lower rank on purpose, and even graphically describing his bowel movements in high-level meetings.

      Reporting in @politico tonight: https://t.co/HMcJk9i3Xa
      (https://x.com/JackDetsch/status/1914841180782633370?t=U7gGy3wvpEBGwxvtR7uu0g&s=03)

      Reply
    45. 45.

      twbrandt

      April 23, 2025 at 12:31 pm

      So Francis meets JD Vance, decides “I’m too old for this shit, I’m outta here. Good luck everyone!”

      Reply
    46. 46.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 12:31 pm

      Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) posted at 6:24 AM on Wed, Apr 23, 2025:
      Volvo is laying off hundreds of workers in deep red districts where Trump won because of tariffs. MAGAs losing their jobs to own the libs!
      https://t.co/wKt0bBYQrd
      (https://x.com/acnewsitics/status/1915003853743022365?t=G9Stnt22KrS70PmYo9-NTw&s=03)

      Reply
    47. 47.

      Almost Retired

      April 23, 2025 at 12:32 pm

      @frosty:    Illiniowa?

      Reply
    48. 48.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 12:32 pm

      VIERA, Fla. (AP) — School district officials on Florida’s Space Coast aren’t renewing the contract of a teacher who used a student’s chosen name without getting permission from the student’s parents in violation of Florida law.

      Reply
    49. 49.

      YY_Sima Qian

      April 23, 2025 at 12:32 pm

      News that caused the stocks to jump at the start of the day (gift link to WSJ article):

      White House Considers Slashing China Tariffs to De-Escalate Trade War
      Levies could be cut by more than half in some cases although Trump hasn’t yet made final decision
      By Gavin Bade, Lingling Wei, Josh Dawsey and Alex Leary
      Updated April 23, 2025 at 11:31 am ET
      Key Points

      • Trump administration considers slashing tariffs on Chinese imports to de-escalate trade tensions.

      • Tariffs could come down to between roughly 50% and 65%; a tiered approach considered: 35% levies for items the U.S. deems not a national-security threat and at least 100% levies for strategic items.

      • China open to trade talks but warns against negotiating under continued threats from the U.S.

      In typical Trumpian fashion, the WH is now walking back the WSJ‘s reporting, so the stocks are plunging again. So much money being made from all of the volatility by those w/ inside information.

      Reply
    50. 50.

      RevRick

      April 23, 2025 at 12:33 pm

      @frosty: Little Egypt.

      Reply
    51. 51.

      mardam

      April 23, 2025 at 12:37 pm

      I heard the news of the Pope’s passing as I got into my truck to make my way to work Monday morning. I remember as soon as I heard the 5am report on the radio that I immediately began to laugh. Not at the passing of the Pope. But, at the fact that JD Vance had just met with him. My brain began conjuring up memes that I knew I would shortly see and hear. I was actually laughing so hard that tears began welling up in my eyes as I careened down I-270 at 75mph with hundreds of other vehicles. I tried to concentrate on driving. Even at that early hour traffic can be…taxing. But I couldn’t help myself. I felt myself entering one of those giggling fits that you get when something, sometimes something innocuous, but funny, gets stuck in your mind. Thirty straight minutes of laughing fits punctuated by unadulterated fear at my inability to pay attention to the speeding semi-trucks and Kia Sorentos whirling by my windows.

      It was a hell of a ride.

      Reply
    52. 52.

      sab

      April 23, 2025 at 12:41 pm

      @rikyrah: A lot of these foreign manufacturers built their plants in red districts because those have a whiter work force. So it is almost inevitable that they will be hurt more

      ETA I am not saying Volvo in particular. I am thinking more of the Japanese plants.

      Reply
    53. 53.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 12:42 pm

      @rikyrah: Joe Kasper used to work for convicted southern California Congressman Duncan Hunter. I don’t know Kasper got his latest job but like Hegseth, Kasper’s former boss had a reputation as a heavy drinker.

      Reply
    54. 54.

      WTFGhost

      April 23, 2025 at 12:43 pm

      WTF? I could have told you he was the literal antichrist, so what’s all this with the “are we sure he isn’t?”

      Reply
    55. 55.

      sentient ai from the future

      April 23, 2025 at 12:44 pm

      @frosty: “Illabama” is probably one, if I had to guess

      Reply
    56. 56.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 12:47 pm

      @twbrandt: I’m hoping a jet-lagged Trump falls into some paranoid thinking at Francis’s funeral, about J.D. Vance:

      “Did he…? Would he…? WOULD HE?!!”

      Reply
    57. 57.

      Belafon

      April 23, 2025 at 12:50 pm

      @sab: A lot of the red states have the room, and the lack of unions meant the costs were cheaper.

      Reply
    58. 58.

      Jackie

      April 23, 2025 at 12:50 pm

      @Baud: I wish Crockett would take Nancy Mace on; following the video Mace posted the other day showing her verbally attacking one of her constituents and insulting him as wearing daisy dukes? She’s once again claiming she was assaulted. HE should be charging her!!!

      That woman is seriously deranged.

      Reply
    59. 59.

      ironcity

      April 23, 2025 at 12:54 pm

      @stinger: My labrador retriever eats yogurt like that, no spoon, just plenty of tongue.   And no white boots.  He isn’t a republican.

      Reply
    60. 60.

      Betty Cracker

      April 23, 2025 at 12:55 pm

      @YY_Sima Qian: Not a doubt in my mind that they’re exploiting the market yo-yo.

      @Jackie: Yep. Mace is nuttier than a squirrel turd.

      Reply
    61. 61.

      WTFGhost

      April 23, 2025 at 12:58 pm

      They’ll play the cell phone video that one of my staffers took of me trembling on the ground yelling “I SURRENDER TO THE TERROR!!!”

      AS IF. He wanted to get ahead of the story that he screamed “I CHANGED MY MIND!!! I REJECT SATAN, NOT GOD!”

      That’s what *I* heard, anyway. From lots of people. Lots of people are saying that.

      Many brave Satanists have screamed they surrender to the terror(s of Hell – for that is what they are facing) when they believe they are witnessing the terror-inspiring face of Satan, which looks, surprisingly, a lot like Donald Trump. What? Of course, your accommodations are Trump Tower, Moscow HELL. It’s easy to get the terrors confused, seeing Trump (I mean, Satan. Of course!),  seeing an eternal stay at a Trump-branded property.

      Reply
    62. 62.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 1:00 pm

      @schrodingers_cat:

      CLAP CLAP CLAP

      Reply
    63. 63.

      WTFGhost

      April 23, 2025 at 1:02 pm

      @stinger: He was using it as lubricant, to avoid chafing his beloved couch. I’d say “that boy ain’t right,” but you all knew that, right?

      Reply
    64. 64.

      Trollhattan

      April 23, 2025 at 1:03 pm

      @Scout211: “Shares a father with” is such a ripe opening.

      Reply
    65. 65.

      Barbara

      April 23, 2025 at 1:03 pm

      @YY_Sima Qian: It’s not classic insider trading — that is, trading by a person “inside” the company who has material information that others outside the company don’t have.  Instead, it’s a form of market manipulation and I am honestly not even clear that it would be illegal even though it is definitely outrageous.

      Reply
    66. 66.

      Trollhattan

      April 23, 2025 at 1:05 pm

      @mrmoshpotato: @NotMax:

      “That brocade knew she wanted it. And because nobody was looking….”

      Reply
    67. 67.

      Tony Jay

      April 23, 2025 at 1:07 pm

      Pfft. You’re giving Vice Vance way too much credit. Frankie B knew what he was doing when he granted the vapid little weirdo an audience.

      The Hand of God is occasionally a just one.

      Reply
    68. 68.

      YY_Sima Qian

      April 23, 2025 at 1:11 pm

      @Barbara: You are right, & that’s why I used “inside information”. All of the obvious corruption is destroying the credibility of the US equity market.

      Reply
    69. 69.

      Omnes Omnibus

      April 23, 2025 at 1:12 pm

      @frosty: It’s called Downstate.

      Reply
    70. 70.

      WTFGhost

      April 23, 2025 at 1:13 pm

      @Barbara: It is still “insider trading” because the information you have is not “outside” information, information that any good researcher might discover, or miss. Much like Meth is a “narcotic” because the original criminalized drugs were opiods, but, in this case, they can even make “insider” more sensible. A congress critter who trades on the passage/failure of a bill is trading on “inside knowledge,” even though it’s not supposed to be “inside the company” knowledge, because it’s just, “not outside/findable by an outsider.”

      Reply
    71. 71.

      Melancholy Jaques

      April 23, 2025 at 1:13 pm

      @Geminid:

      I know next to nothing about Illinois politics, but I’m hoping that Democratic House members who flipped an R district stay where they are so they don’t flip back. See also, Nikki Budzinski.

      Reply
    72. 72.

      frosty

      April 23, 2025 at 1:14 pm

      @sab: ​I think that may have been a side effect, not the reason. My understanding was that foreign car manufacturers went to Southern states and/or red districts to avoid a unionized work force. In any case, sucks to be the workers – you voted for the wrong party.

      Reply
    73. 73.

      frosty

      April 23, 2025 at 1:17 pm

      @Almost Retired: ​ @RevRick: ​@sentient ai from the future: ​These are good!

      @Omnes Omnibus: ​ I knew about Downstate, there’s a lot of similar ones (NY Upstate). Our similar one is “Alabama up the middle” thanks to Carville.

      Reply
    74. 74.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 1:18 pm

      Istanbul was shaken by a magnitude 6.2 earthquake today, at 12:49 p.m. It was centered 40 miles to the southwest, in the Sea of Marmara.* There are no reported deaths but at least 150 people were injured, some because they jumped out of windows for fear this was “the Big One” Istanbul residents stay worried about.

      * The ancient Greeks called the Sea of Marmara “Propontus.” Pontus was the Black Sea beyond.

      Reply
    75. 75.

      Betty Cracker

      April 23, 2025 at 1:18 pm

      @Geminid: How niche — getting adjacent to power via black-out drunks!

      Reply
    76. 76.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 1:21 pm

      @WaterGirl:

      Illinois is blue because of Chicago and the Collar Counties.

       

      Without it, it would be Mississippi

       

      And, yes, the blue parts of the state subsidize the red parts.

      Reply
    77. 77.

      geg6

      April 23, 2025 at 1:22 pm

      @sixthdoctor:

      Good.  He’s setting a great example to the rest of the fossils.

      Reply
    78. 78.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 1:30 pm

      @Geminid: Oh, I’m confident that we can get a great Democratic candidate.  But in Illinois, that doesn’t mean they will win.

      Reply
    79. 79.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 1:31 pm

      @frosty: Nope, no cool names.  It’s “downstate Illinois” that’s the problem.  Chicago is reliably blue.
      :-)

      Reply
    80. 80.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 1:32 pm

      ESSENCE (@Essence) posted at 8:19 AM on Tue, Apr 15, 2025:
      The 20th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina is, in fact, a heroic one. Except the only saviors are ourselves.

      The memories, emotions and realities evoked by Katrina are our proof of life. We remember, although some recollections we’d rather forget. We feel, although it pains us. We take up space in this new reality because we must. We are what has remained constant, when everything around us has changed and tried to change us.

      Despite devastation, removal and extraction, we continue to seize our right to be here. Come Sunday, we are pounding concrete in neighborhoods we have been priced out of; and in Congo Square, drumming in a very different Tremé. By Monday we have red beans cooking on the stove, as we have done for centuries. Throughout the week we show up as artists, educators, elders, youth, adults, chefs.

      We are still up at dawn on Mardi Gras morning and out at dusk for St. Joseph’s Night. We call redeveloped housing developments by their pre-Katrina names and still rep the neighborhoods where we were raised, no matter where we may now be.

      Our May/June issue is a love letter and tribute to the city of New Orleans, honoring the 20th Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Read the cover story here: essence.com/cover-stories/…
       

      https://t.co/SoucppwDir
      (https://x.com/Essence/status/1912133629670531276?t=DbquO8MTluoU-u9lU2LWDA&s=03)

      Reply
    81. 81.

      Belafon

      April 23, 2025 at 1:33 pm

      @rikyrah: At least Illinois is blue. Everything else describes Texas.

      Reply
    82. 82.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 1:34 pm

      @Citizen Dave:

      Our legislature in Indiana can help you stay blue. They are facilitating the move of several downstate Illinois counties into Indiana.

      What???

      Is that a thing?

      Reply
    83. 83.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 1:34 pm

      Charles Gasparino (@CGasparino) posted at 1:18 PM on Tue, Apr 22, 2025:
      BREAKING: Ive been told by a person close to @SecScottBessent the reports on his remarks about a trade deal with China have being imminent overstate what he said. He meant that there is room for talks and de-escalation but much also depends on China’s willingness to compromise on
      (https://x.com/CGasparino/status/1914745637624848832?t=zb9nB64re_g3Im5NVag3Iw&s=03)

      Stephanie Ruhle (@SRuhle) posted at 3:00 PM on Tue, Apr 22, 2025:
      So is weekly market manipulation going to be the hedge against daily losses caused by chaotic trade policy?
      (https://x.com/SRuhle/status/1914771236913123338?t=mEn8z2-FZooX72g8WMMIlg&s=03)

      Reply
    84. 84.

      Kelly

      April 23, 2025 at 1:35 pm

      @rikyrah: Oregon is blue because of it’s larger cities. The rest is Idaho

      Reply
    85. 85.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 1:36 pm

      Film Updates (@FilmUpdates) posted at 3:14 PM on Tue, Apr 22, 2025:
      Ryan Coogler thanks audiences for supporting ‘SINNERS’:

      “Eternal Gratitude. My heart is bursting with it. I want to thank each and every one of you who bought a ticket to see SINNERS. Who decided to drive to see the film in different formats. Who bought popcorn and a drink, booked a sitter and carpooled, and stood in the lobby afterwards and talked and made a friend. Who changed their work schedules. Who saw the film in groups. I want to thank you all who watched more than once, who recommended the film to others, both in person and on social media or on your text message chains. I had the gift of the opportunity of making a film inspired by my family and my ancestry but it was always a film that we wanted to make for audiences, in theaters. We always had our minds on you, the audience, and felt a deep responsibility to entertain you, and move you in the way only cinema can. I believe in cinema. I believe in the theatrical experience. I believe it is a necessary pillar of society. It’s why me and so many of my colleagues have dedicated our lives to the craft. We don’t get to do what we do if you don’t show up. The global theatrical audience has allowed me to dream, find a career and build a more sustainable life for me and my family. And the only way that I know how to thank you for that, is by continuing to mine my personal human experience and my relationships for more stories to bring to you in cinematic language. To see your response to the film has reinvigorated me and many others who believe in this art form.”

      https://t.co/pyZS7V1eC5
      (https://x.com/FilmUpdates/status/1914774726091723089?t=IU0mMk5ziTpUmSBY-YTBBA&s=03)

      Reply
    86. 86.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 1:37 pm

      Aaron Reichlin-Melnick (@ReichlinMelnick) posted at 1:55 PM on Tue, Apr 22, 2025:
      There are as many as 31 people sent to be imprisoned without a trial in El Salvador by the United States government that we don’t even know the names of.

      This is the definition of a “disappearance.” Neither El Salvador or the United States will say who they’re imprisoning.
      (https://x.com/ReichlinMelnick/status/1914754871951045072?t=akHEuCRhG0V1LbUg2F-NmA&s=03)

      Reply
    87. 87.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 1:37 pm

      @Jackie:

      No one should be charged for that conversation.  Regardless of what “she can dish it out but not take it” Mace thinks, what occurred there is not assault.

      Reply
    88. 88.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 1:38 pm

      @Betty Cracker: What do you have against squirrel turds?

      Reply
    89. 89.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 1:39 pm

      @Melancholy Jaques: Casten’s seat is now more Democratic, thanks to the nifty job of gerrymandering Springfield Democrats did in 2021. But even if it wasn’t, I’d still want Casten to run for Senate if he thinks it best.

      That’s how I felt when my Congresswoman, Abilgail Spanberger announced for Virginia governor back in 2023. She had done her part by flipping VA07 in 2018 and winning two close elections since. Now it was time for district Democrats to do ours, and we succeeded by electing Eugene Vindman to replace Spanberger.

      Speaking generally, I think Democrats shouldn’t try to hold talented people back because they’ve been too successful at the House level. Like Casten, Andy Kim and Elissa Slotkin flipped House districts in 2018. Their seats were put at greater risk when they ran for Senate last year. I’m still glad they ran even though Slotkin’s seat fell to a Republican. Michigan Democrats will just have to win it back.

      Reply
    90. 90.

      Belafon

      April 23, 2025 at 1:40 pm

      @rikyrah: Gonna see it this weekend. Dental work interfered with my need to consume movie theater popcorn.

      Reply
    91. 91.

      Kelly

      April 23, 2025 at 1:40 pm

      @WaterGirl: It’s political jerking off. Similar to the “Greater Idaho” counties in Oregon and going back earlier see the “State of Jefferson” which was gonna be Northern Cal and SW Oregon.

      Reply
    92. 92.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 1:40 pm

      @Melancholy Jaques:

      They made that district for Nikki Budzinski, but any good Democrat could win that district.

      Reply
    93. 93.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 1:41 pm

      @rikyrah: Nah, downstate IL on its own wouldn’t be as bad as Mississippi.

      Reply
    94. 94.

      Barbara

      April 23, 2025 at 1:42 pm

      @Jackie: I have no knowledge of Mace’s history, but for a woman who repeatedly talks about the trauma of being sexually assaulted she certainly doesn’t seem bothered by Trump’s own record of sexual assault.

      Needless to say, a member of Congress is a public figure who should expect to be recognized in public places.  Being recognized is not a form of assault.

      Reply
    95. 95.

      Barbara

      April 23, 2025 at 1:43 pm

      @WTFGhost: I’m trying to explain why it might not be actionable under the Securities laws.  The people who are trading are almost certainly not insiders in the companies issuing the stock that they are buying or selling.

      Reply
    96. 96.

      CHETAN MURTHY

      April 23, 2025 at 1:50 pm

      @Barbara: https://www.justice.gov/jmd/ethics/principles-ethical-conduct#:~:text=Employees%20shall%20not%20hold%20financial,to%20further%20any%20private%20interest.

      Use of Nonpublic Information. An employee shall not engage in financial transactions using nonpublic information, or allow the improper use of nonpublic information to further his own private interest or those of another. Information that is “nonpublic” includes information the employee knows or reasonably should know:

      • Is routinely exempt from disclosure under the Freedom of Information Act or protected from disclosure by statute, Executive Order or regulation;

      • Is designated as confidential by an agency; or

      • Has not actually been disseminated to the general public and is not authorized to be made available to the public on request.

      I don’t know that this is -laws-.  It could just be executive orders.  And of course, only little people will get punished for these infractions.

      Reply
    97. 97.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 1:52 pm

      @WaterGirl: 2026 could be a tough year for Illinois Republicans. Trump seems to be a good Get Out the Vote asset for Democrats while a lot of Republican voters might stay home without their hero on the ballot.

      I think Jay Pritzker’s job will be up in 2026 too. That will be a second big open seat for Illinois Dems to fill. I won’t be surprised if your Congresswoman, Nikki Budzinski runs for Pritzker’s seat. She’s a Pritzker ally, and he might back her.

      Reply
    98. 98.

      The Audacity of Krope

      April 23, 2025 at 1:54 pm

      @NotMax: Town Hall Crowd Boos As Republican Congressman Blames Obama For DOGE

      I’ve heard this spurious piece of shit argument from my parents. Apparently a bipartisan panel to make recommendations to Congress for them to authorize spending cuts is the same thing as one person unilaterally taking a meat axe to government departments.

      Reply
    99. 99.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 2:03 pm

      @The Audacity of Krope:

      Propagandists do that a lot. Pretend two different things are the same by comparing them at a high level of abstraction.

      Reply
    100. 100.

      Shakti

      April 23, 2025 at 2:08 pm

      @Barbara:

      Wikipedia tells me she was the first woman to graduate from Citadel’s Corps of Cadets program in 1999, he father was the most decorated alumnus of that university; and served as Commandant of Cadets while she was there. She wrote a book about it.

       

       

      The first woman to attend that specific program after a 2.5 year court battle was Shannon Faulkner but she withdrew because of the harassment to her and her family.

      I find it difficult to believe that someone (Mace) who attended the Citadel is so… unstable in public, even as some sort of weird act for clicks.

      Reply
    101. 101.

      WaterGirl

      April 23, 2025 at 2:08 pm

      @Geminid: We don’t have term limits for governor in Illinois.

      Why would he leave in 2026?

      Reply
    102. 102.

      Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

      April 23, 2025 at 2:10 pm

      @Baud:

      Propagandists do that a lot. Pretend two different things are the same by comparing them at a high level of abstraction. 

      Reminds me of some (heavily downvoted) reddit comments I saw on some posts about the Hands Off protests.

      “Imagine spending your golden years standing on the side of the road just because your candidate didn’t win.”

      It’s being obtuse and ignoring the actual context, whether through ignorance or intentionally lying, of why people are protesting; the underlying reasons. It’s not “just because their candidate didn’t win”, it’s because of real things Trump is doing as president

      Reply
    103. 103.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 2:11 pm

      @WaterGirl: I think you are correct as to IL13 being a safe Democratic seat. Nikki Budzinski won district by 13 percentage points in 2022, and by 17 last year.

      I was interested to see that IL13 is 67% White and 20% Black. That is very similar to Virginia, where Black voters are a cornerstone of the Democratic vote.

      Reply
    104. 104.

      Shakti

      April 23, 2025 at 2:17 pm

      @rikyrah:

       

      @WaterGirl:  There’s a prolific blogger who definitely makes the case for it being just as bad on its own. That Blues Brothers scene wasn’t random.

      Reply
    105. 105.

      Betty Cracker

      April 23, 2025 at 2:17 pm

      @The Audacity of Krope: I saw a short clip of Donalds’ town hall, and the attendees weren’t having that bullshit. It’s a deeply red district too — I think Donalds won by 2 to 1 last year.

      Reply
    106. 106.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 2:19 pm

      @WaterGirl: I didn’t know Illinois doesn’t have term limits.

      Ed. But come to think of it, I think I would have read stories about next year’s race if Pritzker was term-limited.

      I thinthatis is a good thing. A successful governor should have a chance to keep the job and in this case, Pritzker has no reason to leave it. If he decides to run for President in 2028, Pritzker’s duties as Governor won’t stand in the way.

      Reply
    107. 107.

      Melancholy Jaques

      April 23, 2025 at 2:21 pm

      @WaterGirl:

      They made that district for Nikki Budzinski, but any good Democrat could win that district.

      Okay, then she has my blessing if she wants to go for the senate.

      Reply
    108. 108.

      Trollhattan

      April 23, 2025 at 2:23 pm

      I remember when pay-to-play was considered a bad thing.

      “President Donald Trump will have dinner with the top 220 holders of the Trump memecoin,” Bloomberg reports.

      “At the ‘intimate private dinner’ on May 22 at his private club in Washington, Trump will talk about the future of crypto… People who want to participate have to register, and a leader board of the top Trump coin holders will be kept to determine attendees. The top 25 Trump coin holders will also be invited to a reception before the dinner with the president, and will be given a tour of the White House.”

      Intimate. Private. Trump. are three words that should never appear in one sentence.

      Reply
    109. 109.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 2:38 pm

      NIH guts its first and largest study centered on women

      Reply
    110. 110.

      Cheryl from Maryland

      April 23, 2025 at 2:40 pm

      @Almost Retired: Today in deep blue Montgomery Co., MD, I saw a battered rusty pickup truck with Iowa license plates decorated with a Ukrainian flag bumper sticker and a magnet with “Puck Futin”.  May Iowa return to its senses, which might be difficult as this one fled to Maryland.

      Reply
    111. 111.

      Baud

      April 23, 2025 at 2:42 pm

      @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka):

      Yes, that’s a good example.

      Reply
    112. 112.

      Geminid

      April 23, 2025 at 2:53 pm

      @Melancholy Jaques: It’s probably too soon for Rep. Budzinski to run for higher office. She has the potential, but at age 48 she can afford to keep building her reputation within Illinois as a hardworking Congresswoman.

      Nikki Budzinski was one of a handful of new Representatives who had never held elective office before they won seats in 2022. She had a lot of political experience though, going back to her years at the University of Illiinois/Champagne when she interned for Senator Paul Simon, Rep. Richard Gephart and Planned Parenthood.

      Budzinski’s first job out of college was at a Washington D.C. labor union office, and she was Chief of Staff for Joe Biden’s OMB before returning to Illinois to run for Congress.

      Reply
    113. 113.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 3:08 pm

      @Geminid:

      I think Jay Pritzker’s job will be up in 2026 too.

       

      I just looked it up. Illinois Governors are not term limited.  As many as we’ve had go to jail, you’d think they would have, but, no ..no term limits.

      Reply
    114. 114.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 3:16 pm

      US Justice Department cancels hundreds of grants for police, crime victims

      WASHINGTON, April 23 (Reuters) – The U.S. Justice Department has canceled hundreds of ongoing grants that funded everything from services for mental health care for police officers to support programs for victims of crime and sexual assault, according to internal records and four people familiar with the matter.

      At least 365 grants from the Office of Justice Programs, the department’s largest grant-making arm, were terminated late on Tuesday, said two of the people, who were granted anonymity to discuss details that have not been made public.

      Among the programs that are being targeted include grants that supported transgender victims of crime, hotlines used by crime victims, human trafficking grants awarded to organizations that work with immigrants and refugees, programs to curb juvenile delinquency and safeguard incarcerated youth, and funding to help state-run hate crime reporting, according to a partial list of terminated grants seen by Reuters.

      Many Justice Department’s employees who work on managing and awarding the grants did not learn about the cancellations until the grantees were notified on Tuesday, the people said.

      https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-justice-department-cancels-hundreds-grants-police-crime-victims-2025-04-23/

      Reply
    115. 115.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 3:17 pm

      U.S. citizen wrongly detained by Border Patrol says government account is false
      Jose Hermosillo was held in a detention facility for undocumented immigrants for 10 days.
      Judd Legum
      Apr 23, 2025

      On April 8, Jose Hermosillo, a 19-year-old U.S. citizen, was wrongfully incarcerated by immigration authorities in Arizona, who claimed he was an undocumented immigrant. He was held for 10 days at Florence Correctional Center, a privately run immigration detention facility, before being released on April 17.

      These facts are not disputed.

      On X, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) said, “Hermosillo’s arrest and detention were a direct result of his own actions and statements.” According to DHS, “Jose Hermosillo approached Border Patrol in Tucson Arizona stating he had ILLEGALLY entered the U.S. and identified himself as a Mexican citizen.” DHS also released what purports to be a transcript of Hermosillo’s conversation with a Border Patrol agent signed “JOSE.” In the transcript, Hermosillo allegedly said he was born in Mexico, was a citizen of Mexico, and entered the United States illegally.

      In an interview with Popular Information, Hermosillo said DHS’s account was false.

      https://popular.info/p/us-citizen-wrongly-detained-by-border

      Reply
    116. 116.

      zhena gogolia

      April 23, 2025 at 3:19 pm

      My god almighty, I am getting one text every 20 minutes from the Democrats. What the hell are they thinking?

      Reply
    117. 117.

      rikyrah

      April 23, 2025 at 3:19 pm

      Dana Bash (@DanaBashCNN) posted at 0:35 PM on Wed, Apr 23, 2025:
      “I’m confident that Pete Hegseth can still be – and will be – a great Secretary of Defense. He’s gonna need some help around him. I think one of the things he has lacked in the early days is some real expertise, institutional expertise, in the building.” – @SenKevinCramer tells me on @InsidePolitics, adding that he talked to President Trump about this situation earlier today.
      – @SenKevinCramer tells https://t.co/Yof0CJBYkD
      (https://x.com/DanaBashCNN/status/1915097220942123451?t=c5uGj4_9cBc79QCoBoee2A&s=03)

       

       

      emptywheel (check) (@emptywheel) posted at 0:45 PM on Wed, Apr 23, 2025:
      This is right wing logic for you.

      WAHHAHHHAHHAHH end DEI bc we have to hire on merit!!!!!

      But we have to give @PeteHegseth a year on training wheels and 5 handlers to make up for the fact that he’s totally unqualified for the job and is failing in spectacular fashion.
      (https://x.com/emptywheel/status/1915099804935258453?t=OpYS3_hg43tXb-XPuzMpeQ&s=03)

      Reply
    118. 118.

      NotMax

      April 23, 2025 at 3:23 pm

      @Kelly

      The first constitutional documents enacted in Oregon pre-dated statehood. …the constitution of 1857 included a racial exclusion section that excluded African Americans and Chinese from the state.
      [snip]
      In 1916, Oregonians voted to keep Section 6 of Article II of the constitution, which read “No negro, Chinaman or mulatto shall have the right of suffrage”, even though it had been rendered void by the Fifteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. In 1927, Oregonians finally decided to remove this suffrage exclusion from their constitution. Source

      Reply
    119. 119.

      Jeffro

      April 23, 2025 at 4:00 pm

      @rikyrah:

      Illinois is blue because of Chicago and the Collar Counties.

      Without it, it would be Mississippi

      my mom’s family is from the very, very southern tip of Illinois and I can confirm this 100%

      Reply
    120. 120.

      JML

      April 23, 2025 at 4:06 pm

      @rikyrah: people frequently feel like governors only get 2 terms, max because so often running for a 3rd term the office-holder has gotten so high on their own supply that they can’t stop stepping on rakes, but a lot of states don’t formally have terms limits.

      For instance, it’s going to be interesting for Walz in MN: he’s been a very good governor overall and won pretty handily both times. but now he’s gotten a taste of the national spotlight, has pissed off Labor (which has been important in his wins and a key part of the Democratic Farmer LABOR party) with a sudden “return to work” order for state employees that no one weighed in on, and MN voters have historically been very hard on governors going for a 3rd consecutive term (hi, Rudy Perpich).

      Pritzker should be ok in IL if he goes for a 3rd term and he should if he still wants to the job (and he seems good at it), but you never know with that 3rd term…

      Reply
    121. 121.

      jackmac

      April 23, 2025 at 4:11 pm

      @Jeffro: Not just Chicago and collars. There are also pockets of blue in college counties (DeKalb, Champaign, McLean) and mid-sized cities (Rockford, Peoria, Quad Cities, East St. Louis area).

      Reply
    122. 122.

      jackmac

      April 23, 2025 at 4:14 pm

      @JML: GOP is so weak and pathetic in Illinois that Pritzker should be a shoo-in for third term.

      Reply
    123. 123.

      frosty

      April 23, 2025 at 5:29 pm

      @zhena gogolia: ​I am too, although they might be hourly. Donate to the guy running against Susan Collins? Not a chance; I’ve already seen this movie.​

      Reply

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