Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

This blog will pay for itself.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

Optimism opens the door to great things.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Why did Dr. Oz lose? well, according to the exit polls, it’s because Fetterman won.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

You are here: Home / Archives for Betty Cracker

Florida woman, boxer wrangler and football hooligan currently deep-fat frying something in a humid swamp somewhere.

Betty Cracker has been a Balloon Juice writer since 2012.

Up with the Chickens (Early Morning Open Thread)

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Last week, I showed off one of my Australorp chicks. This week’s pullet is a Rhode Island Red:

As you can see, she’s sprouting tail feathers, and her wing feathers have developed sufficiently to allow her to briefly achieve liftoff.

In other news, incredibly, it turns out the late Andrew Breitbart really was the brains of his eponymous outfit. His lackeys continued their “Vetting the Bed”* series yesterday with a piece about how President Obama once scandalously colluded with Chicago Cardinal Bernardin to promote universal healthcare:

The law, had it passed, would have forced the state to enact a plan that, in the Orwellian words of the Chicago Tribune, “permits everyone in Illinois to obtain decent health care on a regular basis by 2002.”

God knows we can’t have that. (More here.)

Anyhoo, what are y’all up to this weekend?

*H/T: different-church-lady

[X-posted at Rumproast]

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Extremely Dumb and Incredibly Obtuse

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Breitbart Big Ho editor / Hollywood flop John Nolte dislikes the film “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” because – get this – it “exploits 9/11:”

The film’s biggest problem is that, to put it bluntly, it exploits 9/11. Thomas could’ve died just as easily in a plane crash or boat accident without a single element of the story having to change. For Daldry (working off a novel by Jonathan Safran Foer) to use one of the biggest crimes ever committed against this country as a “device” is truly repulsive and a symptom of a Hollywood bubble so impenetrable that a group of people with the power to make a multi-million dollar film actually thought it was okay to say 9/11 is all about …. me.

God, that’s funny, in a “Union Carbide Bhopal executive complains about worker flatulence” kind of way. Has there ever been a group that has exploited a national tragedy to silence opponents and enact a radical, ruinous agenda as efficiently as the modern GOP humped 9/11 for fun and profit? If so, I was mercifully not alive for it.

John Nolte, whose writing recalls the elegance of Nick Nolte’s mug shot, goes on:

According to [Director Stephen] Daldry and company, what 9/11 is about, though, is the opportunity for a nine-year-old “amateur inventor, Francophile, and pacifist” to trot off on a narcissistic journey of self-discovery while banging his precious tambourine and providing his precious voice over and meeting all the precious people in the precious city of New York. And in the film’s most racially patronizing scene, meeting a group of precious Christians who are of course, Black.

And there you have it in a nutshell, ladies and gents. Wingnuts despised New York City before 9/11 for the same reasons they hate Hollywood, and their grievances against it would match up point-for-point with the Talibans’. Except the Taliban probably don’t hate “the Blacks” as much.

[X-posted at Rumproast]

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What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

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So, the GOP is holding its convention in Tampa, Florida — the Lap Dance Capital of the Universe — during the height of hurricane season, when the heat and humidity are enough to prompt Satan himself to prance under the scalding sprinklers for momentary relief.

Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn and the other city bigwigs are coming up with all sorts of rules to try to contain the mayhem, including my personal favorite, which is to limit parades to 60 minutes so the riot cops can take a break from their humidity-retaining Imperial Stormtrooper suits.

They’ve banned all sorts of items, including super-soaker squirt guns and string, from the “protest zone.” But guess what they can’t ban outside the Secret Service perimeter? Actual guns:

Conspicuously absent from the list of potential weapons: Firearms.

That’s because state law bans local governments from placing any restrictions on the carrying of guns in public spaces.

And that’s because the brilliant Rick Scott administration allowed the NRA to run its wish list through the GOP super-majority state legislature. Is it possible for an entire state to perish from terminal stupidity? We may be about to find out.

[X-posted at Rumproast]

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Monday afternoon open thread

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A pic from our usual weekend morning hike. Max got in a footrace with another herd of deer this week. He lost, of course. Being a doberman he disappeared into the trees, screeched to a halt and sprinted back to make sure I was ok. Love this dog.

God knows what he would do if he ever caught one. A couple of times he cornered a baby squirrel or a very young sparrow, and both times he just bumped noses and waited for the terrified little thing to smooch him back. Not much of a killer my Max.

leaping lizards

Chat about whatever.

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Pullet Surprise

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Remember that backyard chicken project I mentioned awhile back? Yeah, well, look who’s on my writing desk:

She’s an Australorp chick. We have three of them and four Rhode Island Reds. They are living in my home office until they get big enough to reside outdoors in the magnificent coop my husband constructed for them, which I call the Taj MaHen.

The chicks are in a huge plastic tub with a heat lamp right next to my desk. Despite the 95-degree heat and constant rustling and chirping, I’ve got to say they are the most delightful co-workers I’ve ever had.

[X-posted at Rumproast]

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Get Whitey!

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It’s a good thing this poorly camouflaged critter lives in my oak tree instead of the fictional setting of the Hunger Games, where he might have fallen under the pitiless gaze of movie huntress Katniss Everdeen. She would have put an arrow right through his little eyeball.

Speaking of those who are hard on the little things — the gentle, helpless creatures — it appears Herman Cain is still pretending to be relevant in the public arena (possibly as an excuse to get out of the house and escape the baleful gaze of Mrs. Cain). He has ads out that depict an adorable bunny being hurled upward and shot-gunned out of the sky and a fish being slowly suffocated to death to protest the stimulus. It’s such a pressing issue these days, you know.

Also, according to a CNN breaking news alert, a CNN/ORC poll finds that “nearly 75% of Americans” think George Zimmerman should be arrested for shooting unarmed teen Trayvon Martin to death. I’m guessing the precise number will turn out to be 73%. Maybe the 27% are the Orcs who were polled?

Please consider this an open thread.

[Cross-posted at Rumproast]

Get Whitey!Post + Comments (41)