Swear to god, that’s the name.
Florida woman, still rocking a punk rock ethos in the 2020s, which is kind of sad. Betty Cracker has been a Balloon Juice writer since 2012.
Twitterdämmerung
Some dimwit in the marketing department at a rapacious megabank had a bright idea: Let’s think outside the box, disrupt the industry, establish new paradigms and build our brand by engaging the unwashed on social media:
It didn’t go well:
Ouch:
Oof:
Yikes:
It goes on and on like that at #AskJPM. Finally, banksters raise the white flag:
Ya think? Stupid fucks. Ha ha. The end.
Get your hot, fresh open thread here…
I’d have more to say. But I’m posting via mobile, which sucks big green gators. Mississippi State is playing Texas A&M tough from behind. Looking forward to ‘Bama-LSU. (Geaux Tigers!) Discuss whatever.
College Football Open Thread
Florida is trailing Vandy at the end of the first quarter. Makes me feel like a kid again — last time the ‘Dores beat the Gators, I was an addled, tipsy student stumbling around the streets of Gainesville. We had Emmitt Smith back then!
ETA: Betsy! Your lazy girl homemade cider recipe was a ginormous hit! I started batch #2 today, and the remains of batch #1 are a comfort to me as I watch my sucky team get whupped. I let the first batch ferment until it was quite dry. Will probably stop this batch a bit quicker, but it’s all good. Thanks!
Super Typhoon Haiyan / Yolanda
It’s too early for accurate estimates of the devastation by the typhoon that hit the Philippines yesterday, but according to early reports, there were 40-foot storm surges. Photos coming in this morning show unbelievable destruction from one of the most powerful storms to ever make landfall.
According to this NYT article, there was one bright spot: The storm moved so quickly that it didn’t deluge the islands with as much rain as a slower-moving storm would have. Also, many people did get out of its path: around 790K according to government estimates.
The storm is due to hit Vietnam tomorrow. Da Nang and Hue, major population centers, are in the projected path, according to the Times article linked above. Save the Children is one of many organizations collecting funds to help the survivors. Please feel free to call out other relief organizations in comments.
Open thread.
And he’s off to the rodeo…
Via The Smoking Gun:
Fraternity Pledge Loses Testicle In Hazing Ritual
Ohio cops probe battering in basement of “Gobbler House”NOVEMBER 7–Ohio cops are investigating a college fraternity hazing incident that left a 19-year-old pledge short one testicle, records show… After having limburger cheese stuffed in their mouths, the pledges were each given a “ball of stuffing” and ordered to “simulate having sexual intercourse with it.” Specifically, the trio was told to “fuck the sheep.”
The pledges were then hit with “towels and shirts that had the ends balled up in knots” or which had “items tied inside them to inflict pain.” Pledge Tyler Lawrence, 19, was struck in the testicles with “a towel fashioned as a weapon,” according to an affidavit sworn by Wilmington Police Department Detective Brian Kratzer.
Lawrence “went to the ground immediately in pain and was clutching himself in the groin.” Frat members eventually got Lawrence to his feet so they could conclude the hazing by stuffing vinegar-soaked bananas into the mouths of the three men (who were told the item was “poop or shit”).
After the initiation, Lawrence complained of significant pain in his testicles. He was transported to a local hospital where he underwent surgery to have a testicle removed as a result of “damage caused to him when he was struck by the towel.”
Jesus. I’m certain Cole would never put up with that kinda shit from his frat boys, who appear to be upstanding young men who are too intelligent to engage in such absurd and destructive antics.
There was a frat at my college that made pledges snort raw oysters up their noses — in a restaurant with innocent members of the public looking on (or jeering beery encouragement, as we did from my table). What stupid and/or humiliating rituals have you witnessed / participated in?
Innocence Bludgeoned with a Candlestick in the Conservatory
Via Whiskey Fire, I found a link to a boring old harrumph from boring old Colonel Mustard (see DijonGate) expressing outrage at the prospect of highly educated artsy-fartsy types getting free health insurance under ObamaCare instead of pursuing a soul-crushing professoriate or dying a painful, lonely death from a preventable disease in a rundown artist garret. As God intended.
The Colonel manages to work Nancy Pelosi and struggling rock musicians into his plaint about being forced to subsidize shiftless painters and textile artists — pretty standard “are there no workhouses” fare. But the real fun begins in the comments section, which starts with a complaint about “low achievers” killing the work ethic, until a self-styled member of that demographic pipes up:
Hey now! I’m a low achiever (never had much ambition), but I’m SELF-RELIANT low achiever. I ask no one to support my lifestyle but myself.
The glory of it all, is that I am civil disobedient, not enrolling, even though I would probably qualify even more than those “artists”. I draw comic characters as a hobby, and I drink Lattes. OMG, How many liberal minds just burst from the fact that I’m a tea party conservative?
Dollars to donuts the layabout cartoonist is as independent of government largesse as a fellow tea partier on a Medicare-subsized mobility scooter. And while his words seemed calculated to endear him to Colonel Mustard’s audience, the ruffian blew it by supplying a link to one of his impure doodlings to support his bona fides as an artiste. Well! That prompted a passing preacher to involuntarily become engorged, and the offended shaman dressed the cartoonist down thusly:
I’m not trying to be a jerk, but when you put down a link to something, you may want to let people know that they are about to be linked to illustrations of naked women with erect nipples, simply out of courtesy. I’m a celibate clergyman, and I try very hard not to entertain thoughts or images of naked women, especially if they look like the one that greeted me upon linking. When one tries to quiet the mind for prayer, often the day’s most memorable events, images, sounds, etc., try to pry in and disrupt one’s focus. It also helps to avoid temptation, if such images are not before my eyes and in my head. I know that many other men try to keep their virtue intact, not just clergy. The less we see of naked women, the better.
For those of you who haven’t already scurried over to Casa de Mustard to check out the titillating cartoon for yourselves, allow me to assure you that it’s a pretty harmless Catwoman knock-off. Catwoman with high-beams, mind you, but hardly a buck-nekkid siren to lure the preacher man into the pits of hell. You’ll see more salacious ads at the mall. Duh, stay off the internet, Padre!
Anyhoo, there’s no real point to this post other than pointing and laughing, so feel free to treat it as an open thread. Or take the high road and discuss whether or not destitute PhDs who pursue a career in pottery should receive subsidized medical benefits up front or just go to the hospital as uninsured ER patients and jack up medical costs for us all on the back-end.
[X-posted at Rumproast]Innocence Bludgeoned with a Candlestick in the ConservatoryPost + Comments (82)