This (“A simple healthcare plan anyone with a few thousand live chickens can use!”) is hilarious…
Senate hopeful Sue Lowden’s plan for Healthcare reform is to barter chickens for medical procedures. But you may be unsure how many chickens are required for your medical care. This handy calculator converts many common procedures into chickens so you won’t look like an idiot at your next Doctor’s Appointment.
After you’ve calculated the number of chickens you’ll need for your next medical procedure (5 for a flu shot; 1,533 to repair an aneurysm), “secured your future” with an egg-based medical savings account, or looked into catastrophic illness insurance (“get some cows”), be sure to read the fine print below the scroll-down:
… For your convenience, we recommend bringing at least 20% more chickens than specified to any doctor’s appointment. For that matter, you should have at least 1500 chickens per passenger in your car in the event of an accident, so you could just use those if you’re a little short on chickens, but then be extra careful driving home from the doctor because you will have used up some of your accident chickens… Chickens should be secured in your trunk or truckbed if possible. Any chickens riding in the passenger compartment on the way to the doctor must wear seat belts. Chickens should not drive you to the doctor, if you are unable to drive you should dial 911 for an ambulance. Ambulances may not accept chickens for payment, you should have at least 4 goats or an adult pig…
Now if John Cole had the mad bizness skillz of an Erick Erickson, he could make a little extra sumpin-sumpin by directing all us minions to purchase rubber chickens through the Balloon Juice Amazon link and mail them to Sue Lowden as “campaign contributions”…
(And, yes, there are approximately 50 listings for rubber chickens on Amazon… and some of them are quite tempting.)
The Lowden Plan Medical Chicken CalculatorPost + Comments (42)
