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Go Fuck Yourself

You are here: Home / Archives for Go Fuck Yourself

Today in Wretched People

by John Cole|  October 5, 20144:01 pm| 103 Comments

This post is in: Go Fuck Yourself, Sociopaths

Sweet jeebus.

Plus, you could use the medical savings for more tax cuts for the rich.

Today in Wretched PeoplePost + Comments (103)

Not Even Trying To Hide It: Politico’s The President Must Die Edition

by Tom Levenson|  October 1, 201411:17 am| 312 Comments

This post is in: Go Fuck Yourself, Just Shut the Fuck Up, Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue, Our Failed Media Experiment, Sociopaths, WIN THE MORNING

In the thread just below this one, Commenter JPL (update: and Rikrayh) pointed to this story at TPM* in which Ronald Kessler, writing at Politico, declares:

Agents tell me it’s a miracle an assassination has not already occurred. Sadly, given Obama’s colossal lack of management judgment, that calamity may be the only catalyst that will reform the Secret Service.

Give him credit (sic).  With this, Kessler hits the daily double.  He blames President Obama for something no other — and for “other,” read, I’m afraid, white — President would be expected to do:  get involved in the day to day management of his protective detail.  And then Kessler adds that in imagining a fix for the problem, he regrets the necessity of the president’s death.

37.884

I’m gobsmacked. Completely.  On the one hand, there’s nothing new here.  It is just one more instance in the long-running guerrilla propaganda war to delegitimize and disempower a twice elected president.  Its impulse is profoundly anti-democratic, deeply committed to the control of government by any means available.  It’s part and parcel of the series of incidents large and small that run from heckling during a State of the Union (imagine the reaction if someone had done that to C+ Augustus!) to a claim that somehow this President mustn’t appoint anyone to be approved by the current sitting Senate.

And yet, this ain’t just the eternal return of the same.  You have here a writer openly near-predicting the murder of the first African American president; accusing him of the basic failures that make that murder likely, and consoling himself that after that murder, things may get better.  It’s as near to cheerleading an assassination as I can imagine, while steering just clear of an explicit call for that event.

In a civilized society, advertisers and readers would flee Politico as if it suffered from the combined effects of Ebola, the bubonic plague and rabies.  And they would spit on the sidewalk anytime Mr. Kessler dared show his face.  In this one…

*No link to Politico; no rewarding the sewage rakers.

Image: Jean-Léon Gérôme, The Death of Caesar, betw. 1859 and 1867.

Not Even Trying To Hide It: Politico’s The President Must Die EditionPost + Comments (312)

I’ll Take GAPING ASSHOLES for $2000, Alex

by John Cole|  September 23, 201412:32 am| 97 Comments

This post is in: Go Fuck Yourself

Posted without comment:

Nothing sadder than a hot person in a wheelchair.

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) September 22, 2014

I’ll Take GAPING ASSHOLES for $2000, AlexPost + Comments (97)

Public Relations Bloodbath

by John Cole|  September 16, 201412:03 am| 70 Comments

This post is in: Assholes, Clown Shoes, Go Fuck Yourself

Apparently Urban Outfitters is feeling some well-deserved heat, so they offered a limp non-apology:

Urban Outfitters sincerely apologizes for any offense our Vintage Kent State Sweatshirt may have caused. It was never our intention to allude to the tragic events that took place at Kent State in 1970 and we are extremely saddened that this item was perceived as such. The one-of-a-kind item was purchased as part of our sun-faded vintage collection. There is no blood on this shirt nor has this item been altered in any way. The red stains are discoloration from the original shade of the shirt and the holes are from natural wear and fray. Again, we deeply regret that this item was perceived negatively and we have removed it immediately from our website to avoid further upset.

The patented “I’m sorry this offended you, but…” non-apology apology appears to have only riled up the intertrons, and what is happening to their facebook page is a thing of beauty:

uo4

uo6

And it is like that on EVERY single post (many more pics below the fold). I honestly have no idea what these clowns were thinking. Clearly, in the aftermath of the DiGiorno #whyIstayed PR disaster and other similar stupidity, it is becoming obvious that every company needs the equivalent of an ombudsman before products go to market. We can call it the OHHELLNOman. I’ll even do it for you for a small price.

Here is how it would work. Every single thing in the design and creative process would remain exactly the same, but before you take an item to the production and marketing phase, you would bring it in to me. I’ll be in a room playing video games or surfing the internet or blogging or playing with Lily (who will come to work with me) or maybe just wasting time looking out the window (I will have a window), and you bring the product in, and if I see something like the Kent State shirt, I’ll yell “OH HELL NO!” or “ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND” or “DOES YOUR MOTHER HAVE ANY CHILDREN WHO LIVED” or some variation, and then I will rip up the design and chase you out of the room bludgeoning you with a whiffle ball bat while threatening your entire bloodline.

I would offer my services for a low price- say $250k a year and stock options and maybe an Urban Outfitters shirt in XXXL (you fucking dickheads). And before you think that is too much money for my job (and in fairness, all I would really be doing is looking at something and saying to myself “Would someone post this on 4Chan or Reddit or Fark?”), it is going to cost Urban Outfitters tens of millions of dollars and consulting fees to unfuck this football. Not to mention, your social media department will be more productive, because they won’t have to spend the day apologizing on twitter and other social media platforms.

Think about it. It’s a win/win for you all. You save money and don’t piss off the entire fucking country.

I’m here to help, morons.

On a side note, I can’t believe we made it almost thirteen years without a “Go Fuck Yourself” category.

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