Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Fuck that bum, let’s go Joe!

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

“But what about the lurkers?”

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

I have other things to bitch about but those will have to wait.

You’re just a puppy masquerading as an old coot.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

It’s a doggy dog world.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Polls are now a reliable indicator of what corporate Republicans want us to think.

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

Maybe you would prefer that we take Joelle’s side in ALL CAPS?

This fight is for everything.

Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

He really is that stupid.

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

The gop couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

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Late Night Open Thread: Tucker Carlson, Fisher of Trout

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Some of you may have seen that Tucker Carlson’s head writer got busted last week for posting approximately the same stuff he writes for Tucker Carlson (and also the Daily Caller), but without the all-important reputation-protective asterisks.

Since Faux News advertisers have been abandoning Carlson’s show in droves, the immediate outcome was predictable:

“Shock twist!”

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Late Night Open Thread: Gotta Laugh to Keep from Crying

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Not you, Boris — you’re just not welcome under any circumstances:

Everybody needs a haircut, right now…

Possum loves his box like Repubs love doing crimes!

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Repubs: Pity Us! We’re Just Poor Little Injured Bystanders, Like Everyone Else!

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Oh, I’m pretty sure the mainstream GOP believes their reality-show clown squatting in the Oval Office could damage The Brand beyond hope of cheating their way into another asterisk’d “win”. They’re just hoping to throw him off the sledge so the wolves won’t eat the rest of them, IMO.

Dutiful beat-sweetner, from the NYTimes — “Nervous Republicans See Trump Sinking, and Taking Senate With Him”:

… The scale of the G.O.P.’s challenge has crystallized in the last week. With 26 million Americans now having filed for unemployment benefits, Mr. Trump’s standing in states that he carried in 2016 looks increasingly wobbly: New surveys show him trailing significantly in battleground states like Michigan and Pennsylvania, and he is even narrowly behind in must-win Florida…

Perhaps most significantly, Mr. Trump’s single best advantage as an incumbent — his access to the bully pulpit — has effectively become a platform for self-sabotage.

His daily news briefings on the coronavirus outbreak are inflicting grave damage on his political standing, Republicans believe, and his recent remarks about combating the virus with sunlight and disinfectant were a breaking point for a number of senior party officials….

Glen Bolger, a longtime Republican pollster, said the landscape for his party had become far grimmer compared with the pre-virus plan to run almost singularly around the country’s prosperity.

“With the economy in free-fall, Republicans face a very challenging environment and it’s a total shift from where we were a few months ago,” Mr. Bolger said. “Democrats are angry, and now we have the foundation of the campaign yanked out from underneath us.”…

If jingoism and xenophobia can’t help us, how can we be expected to ‘win’?

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Repub Stupidity Open Thread: Last Night’s Queries on Shooting Up Bleach Are Now Inoperative

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The Oval Office Occupant’s meds have been re-adjusted again. Or else his handlers have figured out that he starts sundowning by 5pm, these days.

He was not being sarcastic, last night:

And thanks to the miracle of widely-distributed social media, there is no efficient way to memory-hole it, either. Sorry, Mr. Orwell!

(You’d hope these were all from reporters, dutifully following up, but... )

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Floriduh Man Open Thread: More Scenes from the Potemkin President’s Vrroom-Vrroom Sunday Afternoon

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Saturday Night PopCult Nostalgia Open Thread: CYBERTRUCK!

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Soundtrack for this post:

RIP my menchies, as the kids say, but this was too good *not* to share. Bryan Feldman, at NYMag, “We May Not Want the Cybertruck, But We Deserve It”:

… The Cybertruck is a truck that Elon Musk unveiled last night. It is a Humvee-ish vehicle that looks like it was made for a direct-to-video Starship Troopers ripoff called Spaceship Soldiers. It looks like a secret car you unlock if you get a high score on every Cruisin’ USA track. It looks like one of those first-pass shots on a visual-effects highlights reel from 1992. It looks like it has a physics system completely separate from every other object on this earth and if you hit a curb at the wrong angle, the truck will glitch out and clip through an entire city block, causing untold devastation. It is the Cybertruck.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Ah, a Cybertruck. A truck that is computer-y.” Wrong! Cybertruck should be said in the exact same way that one might pronounce the word “cyberpunk,” a sci-fi genre all about how technology will completely ruin us once we start jamming chips into our brains. Just look at the Cybertruck logo. It’s not some coder font — it’s graffiti. It’s the Official Truck of App-Catalyzed Urban Decay. This a Blade Runner-ass truck for the end times. It is not a utopian, idealistic creation — and in that sense, it is refreshing. Elon Musk is not selling us the world we want; he is selling the world we have (starting at MSRP $39,900). The Cybertruck is, in a sense, practical. Everything about this truck screams, “This is the car you will drive through overgrown suburbs full of decaying houses, searching for potable water. This is the car the next three generations of your family will be born in the trunk of. When the feral wolves attack, this truck will protect you.”

But the truck will not protect you. In its unveiling last night, Musk tried to show off the vehicle’s “bulletproof” windows. He asked an employee to throw a rock at the window. The window fractured. They tried it again on a second window. That window also fractured. It was a pure, perfect distillation of what Elon Musk’s whole, like, deal is. He has spent years pouring his billions into projects that make science fiction into science fact, in order to sell people and governments expensive stuff that maybe half-functions. A demonstration of the dent-proof doors went off more successfully.

Many of Musk’s products are self-indulgent, but this might be the most self-indulgent. Like, you know how there are people who design their living rooms to look like the bridge of the Enterprise, or have rooms dedicated to baseball paraphernalia? The Cybertruck can then be read as Musk’s attempt to shape not just his own life, but the lives of others, to mimic the media of his youth. The whole thing resembles a low-poly model — a 3-D asset made of a limited number of polygons based on the limited computing power of older devices. Musk doesn’t just want a Cybertruck for himself, he wants to see thousands of Cybertrucks roaming the streets, sticking out like sore thumbs, parts of the world that quite literally haven’t fully rendered to the level of everything else around them. The notion might not be as far-fetched as it seems. Silicon Valley is full of newly minted millionaires with more money than they know what to do with. The Cybertruck looks very stupid, but so do AirPods…

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Snark Open Thread: The “President” Is Perfectly Fine!

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… … and furthermore I think my relationship with her receptionist may be permanently strained.
“Could you see me sooner if I just did half of it and then the other half later?” I asked, and the scheduler patiently began to explain that unfortunately this was not and had never been how physicals worked.

But just because my primary care physician was unaware that this was how things worked, that does not mean that Donald Trump is not aware. He just wanted to see half of what was wrong (nothing), and he will go back later when he has a free moment. He did the important half of the physical — the doctor banged his knee with the tiny hammer but did not check to see whether it made his leg kick, took his systolic but not his diastolic blood pressure, measured half his height, and discovered that he weighs just slightly over 120 pounds! That all seems great. The results are back, and half of him is 100 percent fine!…

Although when Hillary Clinton coughed, ever, it meant that she was at the brink of death (this is medical science; her humors were out of balance, and her womb was roving through her body), Donald Trump’s sudden decision to just go to visit a doctor and do half his annual physical is not cause for concern. His word is good. He has as many white blood cells as he had people at his inauguration, and his blood pressure is as low as his poll numbers aren’t. He would never lie to us about something important…

I am only half concerned.

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