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Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!

The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

Since we are repeating ourselves, let me just say fuck that.

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

Weird. Rome has an American Pope and America has a Russian President.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

All hail the time of the bunny!

Let there be snark.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

You passed on an opportunity to be offended? What are you even doing here?

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

The current Supreme Court is a dangerous, rogue court.

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” was supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

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Open Threads

You are here: Home / Archives for Open Threads

Tom Daschle, Mainstream Media’s Mild-Mannered

by John Cole|  March 6, 20022:22 pm| Leave a Comment

This post is in: Open Threads

Tom Daschle, Mainstream Media’s Mild-Mannered Moron, while discussing the government contingency plans stated that “we were left in the shadow, so to speak,” said Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle. “We don’t know what the role is, what their current authority is, what their purpose is at this point, other than to be prepared if an emergency of some kind would take place,” he said.

It appears that not only were the Democrats who needed to know about this plan informed, but that they knew so much that they turned down an invitation for a briefing.

Byrd, D-W.V., Tuesday confirmed that White House officials offered to update him on the administration’s government contingency plans but he turned them down, saying he knew all about the program from an earlier stint as a Senate leader.

House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt, D-Mo., was inadvertently not invited to the briefing, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said. Gephardt’s spokesman said Gephardt was “disappointed” about being overlooked.

Let’s get up to speed: Daschle is an idiot, Byrd is senile, and Gephardt’s feelings are hurt. But wait, there is more. The rest of congress must have overlooked this:

And members who claim they are being kept in the dark apparently missed press accounts in October as well as federal documents urging various agencies to make ready their emergency plans.

On Oct. 4, for example, the U.S. Archivist issued a memo to the heads of all federal agencies urging them to “be prepared for even the most unlikely threat.

“To ensure that the Government can respond immediately following a disaster, it is essential that your agency have an active disaster preparedness and recovery program for the records needed to provide essential government services and protect legal rights,” the memo said.

On Oct. 29, U.S. News & World Report reported that in order to preserve “continuity of operations” should the country’s capital be attacked, executive branch officials were deployed to bunkers outside of Washington. And Oct. 17, the The Cleveland Plain Dealer reported that more than a dozen Interior Department officials were holed up in bunkers outside D.C.

After all this was pointed out to him, Daschle said he was satisfied the administration was not trying to create a “secret” or shadow government. Gee, thanks.

Was anyone really surprised that someone who would vote for these dolts might have a difficult time filling out a ballot in the last election? The LEADERS are drooling idiots.

Tom Daschle, Mainstream Media’s Mild-ManneredPost + Comments

No. No. NOOOOOOOOOO! I refuse

by John Cole|  March 6, 20022:11 pm| Leave a Comment

This post is in: Open Threads

No. No. NOOOOOOOOOO!

I refuse to deal with this, read about this, or listen to any of this anymore. For once, I am ready to ‘move on,’ as the Daschlecrats like to say.

Speaking of Daschle- Can you get whiplash from your own policy changes? The Opinion Journal explains why he might be flip-flopping so much.

No. No. NOOOOOOOOOO! I refusePost + Comments

Charles Krauthammer is dead on

by John Cole|  March 6, 20022:09 pm| Leave a Comment

This post is in: Open Threads

Charles Krauthammer is dead on today.

Charles Krauthammer is dead onPost + Comments

This made me chuckle. Deep

by John Cole|  March 6, 20021:12 pm| Leave a Comment

This post is in: Open Threads

This made me chuckle. Deep within a story about Gary Condit’s wife possibly suing NBC over a Law and Order episode (umm. It’s FICTION??) was this gem:

In 1999, Monica Lewinsky’s father, Bernard, complained about an episode of the spinoff, “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit,” in which characters used the slang term “to Lewinsky” to mean oral sex.

“I think it’s disgusting they would even consider saying something like that,” Dr. Bernard Lewinsky said.

Get a grip Bernard. Sorry your slutty daughter turned your last name into colloquial for oral sex, but that is just how life works. Tell the fat slob to shut up, stay off SNL and HBO, and maybe the phrase will die down a little. I doubt it, though.

This made me chuckle. DeepPost + Comments

This is sheer genius. Ifyou

by John Cole|  March 6, 200210:57 am| Leave a Comment

This post is in: Open Threads

This is sheer genius. Ifyou only go to one website today. Make it this. Bravo, Protein Wisdom.

This is sheer genius. IfyouPost + Comments

A Coyote At the Dog

by John Cole|  March 5, 200211:59 pm| Leave a Comment

This post is in: Open Threads

A Coyote At the Dog Show has a great rant on why he started turning to blogs:

I found that it was very much one thing to listen to some pack of morons prattle on about how much taxes should be raised to pay for all these sorely needed new government services-after all, I knew that more taxes are always inevitable so long as the great democratic Masses demand their bread and circuses and for so long as some of that money rubs off on its government handlers. I might occasionally lose my temper with some genius of the genus ‘it won’t cost a thing, the govmint is paying for it!’ and write a letter to the editor, but I’d hardly get too upset if the letter got mangled or went unpublished.

But I simply couldn’t bear any more cute airheads telling me that all the government needed to do was take some of these tanky things and tie these parachuty things to them and drop them from these airplany things and all the terrorists would surrender to the nearest news agency. And that was Bill O’Reilly. Listening to the Wagnerian theme music that announced another episode of ‘America Strikes Back’ on CNN started making me long for the days of a House Un-American Activities Commission to give that bunch a touch of the whip. I even listened (politely, I might add) to a couple of ‘See! Joe McCarthy was right!’ rants by the fossilized local Birchers.

I need to do some link maintenance and get him over there.

A Coyote At the DogPost + Comments

From the They Just Don’t

by John Cole|  March 5, 200211:29 pm| Leave a Comment

This post is in: Open Threads

From the They Just Don’t Get It File:

Ian Black, in another breathless editorial titled the EU votes for Kyoto and increases pressure on Bush, writes 14 paragraphs and 499 words of delusional, self-congratulatory schlock about the most dead thing east of Ted Rall’s sense of humor- The Kyoto Treaty.

Hailing a step forward in attempts to save the planet, the EU yesterday reaffirmed its commitment to the Kyoto treaty on global warming – and told the US that it should make the same commitment.

Presumably, this was reaffirmed in much the same way that the EU recently reaffirmed its position on Roberto Mugabe- many discussions of sanctions, gleeful backslapping, and blissful ignorance of the real facts. Where is Bjorn Lomborg when you need him? My question to the EU- If environmental degradation is such a threat to mankind, why don’t you just have Brussels ban it and then place heavy sanctions you won’t enforce on it? That has been such a smashing success elsewhere. Or maybe we should look at the root causes some more? One wonders if the Eurocrats told us this before or after they mentioned that EU member and supposed NATO partner France had not leaked plans to capture war criminal Radovan Karazdic.

EU environment ministers meeting in Brussels gave their formal blessing to the decision, which means that the EU will now complete ratification of the treaty by June 1.

Blessings included a ceremonial McDonalds bombing and sacrificing several growth hormone-free chickens and arranging their bones in a circle.

Kyoto commits the EU to reduce its emissions of greenhouse gases to eight per cent below 1990 levels during the five years from 2008 to 2012.

And now that Tony Blair has clamped down on Jack Straw’s press releases, that goal seems entirely attainable. In related news, no attempts have been made to muzzle Javier Solona and Hubert Vedrine. Environmentalists fear that silencing those gaseous windbags may lead to unexpected climate change in the form of global cooling.

Greenpeace called it a “historic” move that would allow the treaty to come into force by the time of the world summit on sustainable development in August – the 10th anniversary of the first Earth Summit in Rio.

Which will put them next door to Argentina, where they can view the type of third world economies that this sort of unchecked idealism and regulation can create.

But the impact of the announcement was marred when EU member governments failed to set their own emission levels to meet Kyoto targets. Individual targets will now be decided by the European Commission.

What a novel idea… Gather numerous pseudo-soveriegn governments under the leadership of a centralized buearacracy which will determine its own standards for environmental preservation. Sounds like a good idea. Oh yeah, that is why. We call them states here in the U.S., you wankers. And if you don’t mind, we will follow your, ahem, lead and decide which standards we will put in place and which standards we will follow.

Nevertheless, the decision increases pressure on the US president, George Bush, who angered many countries during his first months in office by unilaterally pulling out of the pact, arguing that it would damage the US economy.

This is a European application of pressure? No wonder Mugabe is still in power.

EU member states have also been sharply critical of the US climate change strategy announced last month, which aims to encourage industries to cut emissions without setting mandatory targets.

Which, upon closer inspection, might resemble the mandatory levels that you FAILED TO ENACT yesterday and just discussed TWO paragraphs ago. At least we don’t intend to ruin our economy in the process (although an argument could be made that the EU doesn’t have much of an economy left to ruin).

“By taking this decision, the EU has reaffirmed its commitment to pursuing multilateral solutions to issues of global concern,” the commission said. “The EU continues to call for the United States to participate in the global framework for addressing climate change.”

Romano Prodi, the president of the commission, said: “We can only tackle climate change effectively through a multilateral process.”

Multilateral means the U.S. doing what the EU decides.

Since the US withdrawal, the EU has taken the initiative in global warming talks in Germany and Morocco, and led efforts to ensure that big industrial countries like Russia, Japan and Canada stick with Kyoto.

I am sure this will thrill Damian Penny. Canada- Industrial Powerhouse. Japan is in their umpteenth year of sustained recession. This sounds like a real recipe for success…

The treaty will only become legally binding when it has been ratified by 55 of the signatories, who between them must have accounted for at least 55% of developed countries’ 1990 emissions.

The US produced one third of those emissions and the EU a quarter. Without the US, almost all other developed countries must ratify the treaty if it is to come into force.

Translation- It won’t. Nyah, nyah nyah.

Greenpeace said Washington should now see the flaws in its strategy, which it suggested was meant to help the oil industry. “After President Bush slammed the door on the Kyoto protocol in March 2001 – and the very bad joke of the Bush-Exxon climate plan last month – it is now time for the USA to come back to the Kyoto protocol,” it said.

Greenpeace officials then said “And we hope it happens soon, so we can get down to the serious business of being a full time front for eco-terrorists like the ALF and the ELF.” Ok, they didn’t say that. They don’t need to- they are still doing that while bitching about Kyoto.

“We should all remember that the Kyoto targets are a very small but crucial first step towards protecting the earth’s climate. Industrialised countries must actually reduce their emissions by 80% by 2050 if ministers really want to protect the life of our children and grandchildren. There is no time to waste.”

If thie shrillness of these Europeans is any indication, political, economic, and military impotence must be very painful.

From the They Just Don’tPost + Comments

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