Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

I might just take the rest of the day off and do even more nothing than usual.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Wait, what?

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

Republicans firmly believe having an abortion is a very personal, very private decision between a woman and J.D. Vance.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

The lights are all blinking red.

Wake up. Grow up. Get in the fight.

“But what about the lurkers?”

If you can’t control your emotions, someone else will.

If rights aren’t universal, they are privilege, not rights.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

So many bastards, so little time.

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

We are learning that “working class” means “white” for way too many people.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

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I didn’t eat dinner earlier, other than a honeycrisp with a scoop of peanut butter, and I just now ate two toasted english muffins with peanut butter and orange marmalade and I washed it down with 1% milk (not Skim or Silk, which just shows you how fucking crazy I do get every now and then), and I may be the happiest I have ever been in years.

Re-reading Idiot America and going to bed.

Reader Interactions

46Comments

  1. 1.

    Jerzy Russian

    I just now ate two toasted english muffins with peanut butter and orange marmalade

    Don’t overdo it.

  5. 5.

    Spaghetti Lee

    Hedonist! I ate a single celery stalk*, one string at a time**.

    *-Beef stew
    **-Horked down all at once.

  6. 6.

    cbear

    …and I may be the happiest I have ever been in years.

    Dude, Dude, I really hope your Ladyfriend was there to share in the muffins—cause if she just left and happens to read the above—-it might be another 10 years before you get laid.

    Numbskull.

  7. 7.

    guachi

    I took a nap and am eating Ginger Snaps now. AND I GET TO SEE CLINTON AND OBAMA IN VIRGINIA ON SATURDAY!!!!!

  9. 9.

    Valdivia

    jetlagged and can’t get over it. I get sleepy at noon, collapse at 3 wake up at 7 and stay up all night. I think I am going to have to take a sleeping pill see if I finally beat this.

  10. 10.

    Yutsano

    @cbear: Think about how long it’s been already. I still have that theory JC is a monk who’s just trolling us.

    @Warren Terra: Sorry, I’m sure your mangoes are deliciously ripe and all, but I. Am. Not. Getting. Out. Of. This. Damn. Boat.

    And fuck Bobo very much.

    @Valdivia: You’re probably also detoxing from Shanghai. It does take some adjusting to get back to clean air.

  15. 15.

    Yutsano

    @Warren Terra: To paraphrase Edna Mode: “NO MANGOES!!”

    @Valdivia: You know, I get that it’s not a free society and all, but on occasion I think Singapore has a point with the no spitting law. The no gum chewing, though, that I just cannot abide.

  17. 17.

    Valdivia

    @Yutsano:

    Not to sound harsh but after spending a month there I am totally into the lashing punishment for the spitting offense. It’s just…gross. And so ubiquitous.

  20. 20.

    Valdivia

    @gwangung:

    I haven’t tried anything yet since this is the first time I have this kind of issue with travel and time differences. When I arrived in China it was just super easy, now it feels like I am never going to have a normal night of sleep!

    Any dosage suggestions?

  21. 21.

    Cornish Steel

    @Spiffy McBang: Four! More! Years!

    If I had more talent for trollery I’d play the, “Well, come to mention it, we could do worse than repealing the 22nd amendment…”

    I’ll leave that to someone like DougJ.

  23. 23.

    gwangung

    @Valdivia: Either the 1 mg or timed release 3 mg capsules….anything more and it gets wasted….Take it an hour before you want to go to sleep and it kind of eases you into it.

    I’ve used it to get myself gradually back on schedule, though it’s not a long term solution….

  25. 25.

    cbear

    @Valdivia:

    @Yutsano:

    Can’t help with the jetlag problem, I just drink myself into a stupor before and after the flight—but as someone who’s flown over there at least 50 times—I can give you a great tip on traveling to Asia.

    Check EVA Air before you travel and look up their Evergreen Deluxe Class prices. The seats are $200-400 more than Economy, but are the same as Biz Class and well worth the cost.

    China Airlines also has a similar upgrade that IIRC is called D-Class.

  26. 26.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    Interesting, my mom got a robo-call from Bill Clinton today, urging her to vote No on Proposition 32 in California.

    Also, today, I got a campaign mailer called “California Public Safety Newsletter and Voter Guide”, which has some interesting endorsements on it. Interesting, in that they go 100% against what the police and firefighter unions actually support:

    No on 30, Yes 0n 31, Yes on 32, for starters.

    In very small letters, on the mailer, there is this: “California Public Safety Voter Guide is a Special Project of the Policy Issues Institute”. Funny thing about the “Policy Issues Institute”. It is run by some guy named Floyd Brown, who is, surprise, surprise, one of the co-founders of Citizens United, and the creator of the “Willy Horton” TV ad.

  27. 27.

    Yutsano

    @cbear: EVA Air has a direct flight from Seattle to Taipei. Might have to see if it’s worthwhile to go from there to Sydney. Or even Auckland. I have friends down thereabouts.

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall: We need your brain intact. Please to be ignoring the ripe mangoes. I’ll make gimlets instead.

    Hi dear. A wee bit on the insomniac side but it should fade quickly.

  29. 29.

    cbear

    @Yutsano: You really should, Yuts. EVA was first recommended to me by one of my best friends who’s a 747 pilot and I have nothing but good things to say about them.
    Their website is a little clunky and you’ll have to spend a little time to find the best Evergreen Deluxe (or Elite) fares—sometimes they’re pricey—but you can find them just above Economy pricing.

    Also, if you do fly with them, make sure and apply for the Frequent Flyer program as you earn 25% more miles with the Deluxe seats.

  30. 30.

    Betty Cracker

    @trollhattan: Luxury. The best we could manage was to swallow a handful of dry gravel, washed down with a cup of talcum powder. But you try and tell the young people today that, and they won’t believe you!

  31. 31.

    Warren Terra

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall:
    Not even the bit where he rebukes Obama for not passing an “unorthodox agenda” by means of assembling a “governing center-left majority” that somehow overcomes the problem of a majority of the House voting against anything he supports? I mean, that is just the most obvious slow hanging pitch I’ve ever heard of. He literally says it’s Obama’s fault not to have assembled a “governing majority” that somehow ignores an entire branch of government.

  32. 32.

    cbear

    @Betty Cracker:
    Wow. Didn’t know some of my fellow Floridians had it so rough. Over here in Daytona we got 26 miles of free beach sand to eat, and if you look hard enough you can can usually find some seaweed for roughage.

    Plus the Nascar folks let us graze the Speedway Infield grass during Speed Weeks and the drunken gooper racefans only run over a 10 or 20 of us each year.

    C’mon over and I’ll hook you up.

  38. 38.

    lojasmo

    I don’t ever eat breakfast (bar the occasional Saturday, maybe three times a year) and yesterday was so busy and stressful at work, I forgot lunch. Yay 24 hour fast!

  39. 39.

    Baud

    I may be the happiest I have ever been in years.

    Become a Democrat – find love within six years.

  41. 41.

    Ash Can

    PS: Don’t get 《i》too《/i》 happy. If you were to stop bitching at us this dump just wouldn’t be the same.

  44. 44.

    RedKitten

    TWO English muffins with peanut butter AND marmalade? Lucky. I had to make do with a tiny slice of diet bread and PB with no marmalade or jam to be found. And I couldn’t even wash it down with milk.

    It was just like being at a midtown Starbucks.

  45. 45.

    donnah

    FYI, Thomas’ English muffins and bagels are out now for a limited time with pumpkin-flavor. OMG, they are so very good! I had the bagel with a bit of honey nut cream cheese and the English muffin with some butter and cinnamon sugar.

    I wish they offered these more often!

    So, there you have it.

  46. 46.

    JustRuss

    Dear god, peanut butter on toasted English muffins. Nirvana. The sacrifices I make for my gluten-intolerant wife. Thanks for rubbing that in, Cole.

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