What do I use to clean a leather couch? What kind of solution do you use? Clearly water and soap is a bad idea.
I’ve been on a cleaning rampage tonight.
This post is in: Open Threads
What do I use to clean a leather couch? What kind of solution do you use? Clearly water and soap is a bad idea.
I’ve been on a cleaning rampage tonight.
Comments are closed.
Redshirt
Vinegar and sweat.
different-church-lady
The tears of wingnuts, natch.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
Are you supposed to clean leather furniture?
Redshirt
Dog saliva is more antiseptic than chugging a bottle of Listerine. Use dog saliva.
SiubhanDuinne
John, if you’re trying to clean leather furniture on a Friday night, you have worse problems than grubby leather furniture, JUS’ SAYIN’.
BD of MN
when I google “How to clean leather furniture” the first (paid) result is for Pledge, which is hilarious…
Older
Saddle soap or Murphy’s Oil Soap.
Fluke bucket
Google is your friend
Msskwesq
A slightly damp cloth for superficial dirt but there are special leather cleaners found at big box stores and car part stores that you need for anything else. And leather sealers. Leather is hard to clean if you get a stain.
Constance
Method brand leather wipes.
http://www.amazon.com/Method-Leather-Love-Wipes-Leather-30ct/dp/B002T5LKKI
Joseph Nobles
Wire brush and Clorox bleach.
Corner Stone
Cole, you need to be more concerned about your blog than about some fourth hand shitty faux leather furniture.
In case you haven’t noticed, trolls like eemom, geg6 and Martin have been driving highly valued regular commenters here to consider pulling a gbcw.
Forget about cleaning your furniture, you need to clean your blog!
Take charge, and push hateful, racist scum like Redshirt, Omnes Omnibus and different-church-lady away from here. It’s really the only way to bring this back to the kind of space I feel is appropriate to spend time on.
Felonius Monk
The same way you clean a football. If you have to ask, you shouldn’t be owning any leather furniture.
raven
@Corner Stone: Vandy is gonna kick your sorry ass.
raven
Mueller Ball Cleaner is a liquid cleaner that cleans and shines your leather athletic balls. You apply to the leather surface of the ball, rub well with a rough cloth until clean and let the ball dry. Re-apply Muellers Ball Cleaner and shine ball with a clean soft cloth. Contains a small amount of wax so balls may be buff-shined with a dry towel. Extend the life of your equipment with proper care and maintenance. 1 Quart Bottle.
Great For:
Footballs
Basketballs
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
Don’t forget to clean inside the light fixtures, John. Everyone always forgets to do that.
different-church-lady
@Corner Stone: Modest of you, as usual.
MIchael
My wife has worked with leather for 40 years. Her answer? Baby wipes.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
@different-church-lady: I rarely agree with Corner Stone but Corner Stone is correct here. I’ve personally never witnessed trolling taken to this level in the last seven or eight years I’ve been gracing this dump with my wit, intelligence and affable charm.
Twice in the last week, I’ve come so close to firing off a concerned but firm letter to John requesting that he deal with those people.
I just feel like I’m going to snap and say something I’ll regret.
Jebediah
Lexol.
Yatsuno
There are leather cleaners. Any retailer will have something you can use.
Belafon
Someone protect the mops and showers. John is cleaning.
Suffern ACE
Do spells work only if said aloud? I’d like to conjure up locusts and am having no luck.
Belafon
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader:
Isn’t that Corner Stone’s problem as well?
Mike E
Brawndo.
FlyingToaster
For normal stuff, I’ve always used the Leather cleaning wipes from the grocery store (Stop&Shop. Shaws and Hannaford all carry them, so I suspect they’re common to most large supermarkets); I’ve also used Murphy’s oil soap.
We got rid of the leather furniture when WarriorGirl was 1; it was cracking and mostly destroyed (well, it must have been 20 years old by that point). Since yours is new-to-you, I’d go with saddle soap or Murphy’s.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
@Belafon: B-rinnng. B-rinnng. B-rinnng. Belafon!
Suzanne
Method makes a great natural leather cleaner.
some guy
eeMom is a moron
Redshirt
Since I have pied the entire BJ commentariat, I have no idea what any of you are saying, of course. And that’s for the best, I’m sure.
khead
If you would stop sitting around naked while eating Cheetos, you wouldn’t have to clean the furniture.
trollhattan
Unless you know how the leather was tanned it’s tough to know what’s best for THAT line of furniture. The saddle soap recommendation is seconded, knowing nothing more about the hides. And yeah, pair it with wingnut tears. You don’t have far to go to find some.
different-church-lady
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader:
[sigh] Doesn’t anyone self-immolate anymore?
scav
Didn’t John buy these from his cleaning lady? She should know (and it might be a clue where they ended up). Not a clue myself.
magurakurin
@Corner Stone:
and who might they be, these delicate flowers who are soon to be the departed? Cause those folks have been posting here for long frickin’ time so the “valued commenters” who are about to fold up shop must be relatively new comers.
But you don’t give a shit either way,you just like to stir up the shit pot.
max
Kiwi Saddle soap. Like everybody else sad, and God fucking intended.
max
[‘Don’t forget the scuff cover.’]
Suzanne
@Redshirt: LOL.
I haven’t ever pied anyone. I feel like pieing myself as of late. I am stressed out and miserable.
different-church-lady
@magurakurin: So help me, if anyone ever calls me a “valued commenter” I’m going to punch them in the neck!
Barry
John, kerosine is best, but you’ve got to heat it up first :)
some guy
@different-church-lady:
pretty sure you won’t ever need to do that.
Redshirt
@Suzanne: I self pied.
trollhattan
A bad time, guaranteed for all.
Great Seattle Times investigative piece on the least-discussed aspect of climate change–loading the oceans with CO2. Sleep tight.
http://apps.seattletimes.com/reports/sea-change/2013/sep/11/pacific-ocean-perilous-turn-overview/
Ted & Hellen
Bitch please.
That shit is Naugahyde.
Use Fantastik.
trollhattan
@Barry:
Only heat it after first squeezing the Korans.
Corner Stone
@magurakurin: It’s comments like these that make me consider if this blog is even worth my time anymore.
You, sir, are an insensitive clod. I suspect you’re just trolling me and I warn you that if I have to, I will confront you. I’ve been around these type situations a time or two so I am warning you, do not continue this insulting path.
Suzanne
@Redshirt: On the mistermix post this morning about getting old and needing bifocals, I was so irritated. LOL. I told him to “cry me a river,” which was pretty bratty of me.
I need a vacation and a few drinks.
Hungry Joe
Whatever you do, John, don’t forget to polish the fruit at the bottom of the bowl.
(From a Ray Bradbury story — and I’m not even that much of a Bradbury fan.)
Suffern ACE
@Redshirt: well I guess not knowing what you’re saying is better than not knowing what you’re talking about.
Redshirt
@Suzanne: Never forget: Life sucks, then you die.
MomSense
Baby wipes. Trust me on this. Leather couches, shoes, car upholstery, purses, fake leather. Trust me–baby wipes. Cheap and gentle and conditioning.
Corner Stone
@different-church-lady: I’m pretty sure you are the reason Elon James White never front pages here any more.
Suzanne
@Redshirt: I’ve worn bifocals since I was four.
different-church-lady
@Corner Stone: And this is the thanks I get for it?
Redshirt
@Suzanne: I’ve been addicted to fans since age 2.
Suzanne
@efgoldman: Yes, I have one in about four weeks. And yet I have so much work to do that I haven’t studied in a week. I haven’t worked less than twelve hours a day in a while. Will be working this weekend. I’ve been trying to wrap up a year-long project….and then found out that my client had an aneurysm and is intensive care.
Corner Stone
Maybe it would have done you some good to have some *questions* from time to time, you know? ‘Am I an asshole? Are my kids a mess? Is my wife a money-grubbing whore?’ I mean, those are questions, right? ‘Have I ever been good to my dying sister or am I just now pretending to be?’
Cliff in NH
http://www.limmerbootgrease.com/product_use.html
Use it, Love it, Leather Loves this stuff.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
That new guy is putting so much sexual innuendo into his health care posts that I can only get through the first paragraph before I open a new browser window and start googling “sasha porn”.
Suzanne
@efgoldman: I wanted LASIK, but it doesn’t work for my problem. I would need radial keratotomy, which has to be redone every few years. No thanks.
different-church-lady
@Corner Stone: Talking to yourself again?
[yeah, that one was cheap — sue me]
different-church-lady
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader: Dude, Netflix will stream it to you now.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
@Ted & Hellen:
That may have been the second funniest comment ever to appear on this blog.
SiubhanDuinne
@efgoldman: My cataract surgery is coming up soon (well, as soon as I schedule it). Am hearing very good things about the difference it will make.
As for Getting Old, I just want to say:
Gravity. Not a friend.
rammalamadingdong
Baby wipes
different-church-lady
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader: Of the post Odie period, perhaps.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
@Corner Stone:
Hint: look at his name. What do you expect from a Magical Gherkin?
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
@different-church-lady: ORLY? Is there a movie with Sasha Blonde, Sasha Rose and Sasha Grey? I must get Netflix at once.
lectric lady
Murphy’s Oil Soap and water.
Redshirt
Leather is Death.
MikeJ
@Redshirt: Better than sitting on a cow.
different-church-lady
Random thought: do you think Sammy Hagar will ever do a standards album?
Redshirt
@different-church-lady: Van Hagar is such a tragedy. The Diamond Dave led Van Halen were poised for an album so huge it would have blown up the charts, literally. Instead, KEYBOARDS! And a large part of America died that day. On the inside.
p.a.
Get plastic seat covers. Class-ee. (Are they still actually made?)
beergoggles
Citrus solvent. Seriously, don’t go paying crazy amounts of money for expensive cleaners. Just get some citrus solvent and spray it on a rag and use it to clean. It is pet safe which is why I use it on leather and floors because my dogs like to just lay there and lick their drool off the floors and the leather.
Redshirt
Cover your furniture in oversized doilies.
LolaMcEvers
You can purchase a Guardsman Furniture Care Kit. It contains wipes and spray and stuff to care for your leather furniture. I have used the cleaning wipes. Easy to use and keeps the leather soft and clean.
Corner Stone
@different-church-lady: Even though you’re tedious racist scum, calling me Leo DiCaprio isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
Snarki, child of Loki
Just rub it all over with a wet dog.
But not with a wet cat, because that will cause scratches. On the leather too.
different-church-lady
@Corner Stone: Oh? Where do you usually go?
Corner Stone
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader: I expect some dag danged decorum, for dang’s sake!
If this kind of nastiness, combined with a complete lack of differently enabled viewpoints on the front page continues, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to follow the drooling dog of Garfield’s comic strips’ lead.
beergoggles
Also, I forgot to mention if you use citrus solvent to clean your leather (because I think u may go crazy with the cleaning) you can use a mix of beeswax and petroleum jelly to condition your leather (1 part wax to 10 parts pj). It’s also pet-safe unlike most leather conditioners on the market that are carcinogenic.
guachi
I’ve used Meguiar’s Gold Class Leather Cleaner/Conditioner and been pleased.
eemom
meh, Corner Stone is just dick-swinging that HE’LL never be banned cuz AL loves him more than Cole loves T&H.
opiejeanne
@Hungry Joe: I remember that story! A friend had a graphic… short story collection, all Bradbury, and lent it to me.
That house was spotless from the crawlspace to the attic.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Bacon grease and vomit. More camouflage than cleaning, I grant you, but at least you won’t be letting anything go to waste.
Try not to break any bones this time.
Gravenstone
@magurakurin: If only CS had the courage of his alleged convictions to GBCW, literally.
Suffern ACE
@eemom: I thought Corner Stone was female. Or is that mclaren?
Gravenstone
@Redshirt: Well, aside from the fact the keyboards landed before Van Hagar …
Suffern ACE
@Gravenstone: and sadly, the keyboards weren’t very good. But Diamond Dave could cover that with outrageous stage antincs and seatless pants. Sammy’s butt was too skinny for the seatless pants.
eemom
@Suffern ACE:
The short answer to your question is yes, mclaren upon information and belief is female.
The long answer…….well, I could go on all night, but the gist of it is, omfg dude. If ever there has been “dick” personified by comments on a blog….
Redshirt
@eemom: He calls it “Cocks!”, as in, “Go Cocks!”
Keith P.
@BD of MN: Not so much…when I sold shoes, I had to clean the shoes daily with Pledge. And these were shoes that went anywhere from $300-$1500.
If I had a choice of cleaner, I’d use car leather cleaner followed by conditioner (Gliptone is really good)
mai naem
You people are awful. Anyhoo, if you have a Tuesday Morning in the big city that you go to, they usually carry this leather doctor stuff. Its around $5 for a decent sized bottle that should last you several months if not a year. I didn’t know about the baby wipes. Don’t baby wipes leave a residue? I know when I’ve ever used baby wipes to wipe my hands, I can feel this icky residue left on my hands.
Corner Stone
@Gravenstone: You should be banned for a comment like this. What the heckfire is wrong with you?
Corner Stone
@eemom: I feel so bad for you. Just a jerk, a racist, and a JSF groupie.
For shame, for shame.
Corner Stone
@Suffern ACE:
I self-identify as “sexual”.
Why do assholes like you keep trying to label me in ways that make you comfortable?
magurakurin
@Corner Stone:
jesus, you must be really fucking bored. You’re one weird mother fucker.
Jane2
@Ted & Hellen: Ahem…”bonded leather” if you please.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?
@Corner Stone: Climb down off of eemom. I don’t talk about your sick relationship with raven.
Corner Stone
@magurakurin: Hey, if you’re not cool with your sexuality it’s not my problem. And I suggest you stop trolling me before I confront you. I will if I have to.
Corner Stone
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?: Well, raven is clearly a racist like eemom but other than that I’m not sure what it is you’re trying to compare.
Raven and I just talk about grown men in skin tight pants running into each other at amazingly fast speeds. The violence of their interactions are purifying and respectful.
You and eemom just talk in code about meeting somewhere to fuck.
Felonius Monk
@Redshirt:
aka, Lily, Rosie, & Steve.
ETA: And John Cole, the human doily!
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?
@Corner Stone: This is truly an important discussion that I have wanted to have with you for a very long time but now I can’t have it because of you. I hope you understand the very difficult position you have placed me in by so thoroughly ruining this fine blog.
eemom
@Corner Stone:
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?:
Anyone old enough to remember The Flintstones, will also remember how all the household appliances had speaking parts.
I feel like the mop in the episode where Wilma and Betty had a fight and were taking back everything they’d borrowed from each other over the years: “How’d I get into this?”
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom: Some people simply can’t handle alcohol.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?
@Omnes Omnibus: Onnes, you need to cut out the passive aggressive shit before you are confronted in the context of a mildly unpleasant pseudonymous exchange. I’m speaking for the group.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?
I’m sorry you had to see this eemom. Men can be such brutes.
eemom
Well, on the positive side, Stone has evidently passed out with his face in the Bethany town square again…..so it’s not too late for a resumption of intelligent discourse.
Omnes Omnibus
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?: Perhaps. Or I could recognize that you took over an entire thread to play a game. Or I could just go to bed. I know which choice I will make. Cheers.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?
@Omnes Omnibus: Onnes, I like you. I don’t really. I want to like you. But I can’t like you because you are creepy and physically revolting; weirdly hairless, too short and oddly shaped. This is not your fault. It’s my fault for not being more empathetic to freaks like you. Blame my mother for not raising me better. Hell, I do and it’s the truth besides! But I’m big enough to realize its my problem to deal with now. I guess this is my way of saying maybe we should put the past behind us and try to be friends. We’re both smart, people like us and that gives us something to build on. What say? Can we do this? Also, are you able to fix a traffic ticket for me?
Redshirt
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?: You’re worse than like Hitler plus Stalin plus Mao times Obama, divided by Carter minus Clinton.
different-church-lady
@Corner Stone:
Yeah, but to be fair, you also will even if you don’t have to.
Stentor
Seriously John, use SaddleSoap, Murphy’s Oil Soap, or Meguiar’s, those are the 3 best leather cleaners on the market.