Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

You passed on an opportunity to be offended? What are you even doing here?

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

The only way through is to slog through the muck one step at at time.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.

Every decision we make has lots of baggage with it, known or unknown.

Welcome to day five of every-bit-as-bad-as-you-thought-it-would-be.

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

Since we are repeating ourselves, let me just say fuck that.

Humiliatingly small and eclipsed by the derision of millions.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Never give a known liar the benefit of the doubt.

You would normally have to try pretty hard to self-incriminate this badly.

President Musk and Trump are both poorly raised, coddled 8 year old boys.

Sometimes the world just tells you your cat is here.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

When tyranny becomes law, rebellion becomes duty. ~Thomas Jefferson

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Open Thread

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As noted in the comments, it is my birthday, and now I really plan to go Galt for a little bit. If, of course, Going Galt means staking the tomato plants and then heading to the dog park.

Also, every time it is my birthday, I think of that scene in 16 Candles when Anthony Michael Hall sings the Beatles to Molly Ringwald. Whatever happened to The Dead Zone, btw? That was a fun show.

Reader Interactions

145Comments

  4. 4.

    Crashman06

    Happy Birthday. I’m sure you hear this all the time, but your blog is awesome.

  9. 9.

    Da Bomb

    Happy Birthday to you!!
    Happy Birthday to you!
    Happy Birthday John Cole…
    Happy Birthday to you! (in my best Marilyn Monroe voice)

  10. 10.

    Phoebe

    Happy Birthday!
    Same birthday as you, according to my b-day book:
    Klaus Maria Brandauer, Meryl Streep, Freddie Prinze, Tracy Pollan, Lindsey Wagner, Billy Wilder, and, drumroll… Mike Todd.

  11. 11.

    Tsulagi

    Happy Birthday. If you’re not going to be getting any, at least have some good scotch.

  13. 13.

    Poopyman

    Have a good time at the dog park, because Tunch is going to make you a big present in your absence.

    And have a great birthday while you’re about it.

  14. 14.

    Andy K

    Happy Birthday, John!

    Dead Zone is on at 1:30 am Sundays here, before Star Trek: TOS. Never been into it, so I don’t know if they’re showing reruns or new episodes.

  15. 15.

    Steeplejack

    Ah, a timely open thread.

    I was just reading The New York Times Book Review from Sunday and suddenly did a full Danny Thomas spit-take (cf. at 0:30 here) when I read that Anderson Cooper is the son of Gloria Vanderbilt.

    I did not know this. And I feel obscurely ashamed that I did not know this. But, wow, it’s weirding me out, man.

    That is all.

  17. 17.

    Deborah

    I can’t remember which galtic comment thread you referenced it on, so congratulations on selling another Furminator, which is already showing impressive results on our dog’s sheep-like pelt.

  20. 20.

    JenJen

    I really do hope it is a great one, John! Always nice to have a new member of the family to celebrate with. Cheers to you and Lily and Tunch!

  22. 22.

    Andy K

    Open thread, huh?

    As a footy fan, I’m highly embarrassed that the US moved on to the semifinals of the Confederations’ Cup, but I’d be more embarrassed if I was a fan of either Italy or Egypt.

  25. 25.

    The Saff

    Happy Birthday. I’m sure you hear this all the time, but your blog is awesome.

    This! Enjoy. And I love that scene from Sixteen Candles. I saw that movie for the first time shortly after it was released in June 1984. The ending is just the best!

  31. 31.

    Tony J

    Born on the anniversary of the Nazi invasion of Russia, eh? Speaks for itself, that does.

    Happy Birthday, Kamerad.

  33. 33.

    jl

    Happy Birthday.

    I think John Cole should drop the ‘going Galt’ ruse. The beans have been spilled in previous posts. Cat and dog have clearly taken over. I hope they are not too harsh. I think legally you get a 15 minute work break every two hours in addition to at least a half hour for lunch.

    Well, at least Tunch is not Khamanei… I hope. Below is the organizational chart that I have worked out from public information I have gleaned so far:

    Tunch (Supreme Leader)
    Lily (President)
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Cole (Whatever)

  34. 34.

    peach flavored shampoo

    You share this b-day with Kurt Warner, Carson Daly, and Cyndi Freakin’ Lauper!

    Goyles just wanna have fun!

  35. 35.

    Michael

    John, meet the Cat Who Would Eat Tunch:

    i44.tinypic.com/2zdyqkj.jpg

    This particular animal is the filthiest, nastiest cat I’ve ever seen.

    He’s a Mexican cat and lives on the small island I just visited. He has only a few basic life phases: killing, sleeping and beating up every other cat in the area. There are no vermin around – he kills them all, and usually has chunks of them hanging from his jaws, dangling in great ropes of gore and drool. The staff loves him because he is such a great hunter and so aggressive.

    They’ve given him the perfect name.

    Tequila.

    Frankly, I’ve long suspected that El Gato Tequila’s preferred diet consists of poison lizards and toads, primarily for the buzz it gives him.

  38. 38.

    auntieeminaz

    @Phoebe: Add to the list:
    Erich Maria Remarque, Kris Kristofferson, H. Rider Haggard, John Dillinger and Diane Feinstein.

    Happy Birthday John!

  40. 40.

    John PM

    I join in the chorus of Happy Birthday!

    As for the Dead Zone, I was wondering just last week what happened to it. I found out that the show was canceled at the end of its 6th season (Dec. 2007) because it was getting to expensive to make. There have been no new episodes since that time, although it does appear in re-runs. The final episode showed that Johnny Smith’s visions of Armageddon when touching Greg Stilson had returned, whereas at the beginning of season six the visions had gone away. Thus, we do not get to find out whether Johnny would be able to stop Armaggeddon from happening. The TV series was definitely not as good as the book or the movie (and really, who could top Christopher Walken), but as you said, it was a lot of fun.

  42. 42.

    tim

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN.

    GO GREATLY GALT! GLADLY, GIGGLINGLY, GLORIOUSLY GREGARIOUSLY, GOOSINGLY, GORGINGLY GALT ON THIS GRIPPINGLY GOOD DAY OF YOUR VAGINAL PURGATION.

  43. 43.

    gbear

    Although it’s been said many times, many ways:

    Birthdays suck donkey dicks.

    Mine is thursday.

  44. 44.

    Cyrus

    @Tony J:

    Born on the anniversary of the Nazi invasion of Russia, eh? Speaks for itself, that does.

    Happy Birthday, Kamerad.

    It could be worse. My birthday, for example, is August 6.

  45. 45.

    A Mom Anon

    Happy Birthday Mr Cole.

    BTW,there’s a two hour documentary on NatGeo tonight about Iran,for those of us(like me)who aren’t that knowledgable about that part of the world.

  48. 48.

    MazeDancer

    The first full day of Summer is an excellent time for a birthday. (Yesterday, very early, was the Solstice.)

    May all the gifts you give yourself be as well-chosen and intuitively brilliant as the recent selection of Ms. Lily. And may all your good wishes come true.

  50. 50.

    Comrade Stuck

    Though birthdays are for bourgeois lackey’s, and conspire to make one feel older, happy birthday anyway.

  53. 53.

    Rosali

    Allow me to pile on more happy birthday wishes. If I had known, I would’ve baked you a cake.

  54. 54.

    The Cat Who Would Be Tunch

    Selamat Hari Lahir, JC.

    @Michael:

    John, meet the Cat Who Would Eat Tunch:

    Hey, that was supposed to be my future nick, dammit. Guess I’ll have to go with ‘The Cat Who Would Eat Lilly” when I tire of my current one…

  56. 56.

    Libertina

    @MazeDancer: May I say how fantastic you are at crafting birthday wishes. On my next birthday, I will be looking for you.

    I, on the other hand, have no literary gift to share today – John Cole, I offer you a very simple Happy Birthday.

  57. 57.

    JenJen

    Hey, South Carolinians, what the helicopter is going on with your Governor, anyway? AWOL since Thursday?

    Sanford goes missing

    According to WCBD-TV, the First Lady said he “has been gone for several days and she doesn’t know where, but she is not concerned.”

    Oh my.

  61. 61.

    The Cat Who Would Be Tunch

    @JenJen:

    Sanford goes missing

    It’s obvious that he’s showing people how “going Galt” is really done. Sheesh, dontcha know your Randian actions when you see them? And who could blame him – the passing of the stimulus package, the nomination of a racist female brown person to the SC, engagement as opposed to intervention with the Muslim world – these are scary times indeed.

  63. 63.

    TX Expat

    Happy birthday! In light of the fact that you’ve been busted down the org chart to “whatever” since the Glorious Pet Revolution of 2009, I thought the song below might come in handy when Tunch is really cracking the whip. Thanks for an awesome blog!

    youtube.com/watch?v=woEYm8cPbWw

  68. 68.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    Happy Birthday John!

    Good thing you’re not Japanese – otherwise we might have to petition to have you declared a bearer of intangible cultural heritage (aka ‘living national treasure’), and from what I hear the paperwork involved is a serious pain in the ass. DFH’s don’t do paperwork.

    May Galt be with you.

    I am so stealing that line. The Galt will be with you, always!

  71. 71.

    Legalize

    Happy birthday! Thanks for keeping this blog informative and entertaining even while allegedly “Galting” about.

  75. 75.

    geg6

    Okay, enough with the birthday stuff. He’s gone. Can we now turn to the OT stuff?

    Where did SC’s governor disappear to? From AP via HuffPo:

    Where is South Carolina’s governor? Gov. Mark Sanford’s wife said Monday she did not know the location of the two-term Republican chief executive. Sanford’s staff declined to disclose where he was. First lady Jenny Sanford told The Associated Press her husband has been gone for several days and she doesn’t know where. She said she was not concerned. Jenny Sanford said the governor said he needed time away from their children to write something. Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer declined to discuss where the governor was. Sawyer told The Associated Press that Sanford was taking time to “recharge” after his failed fight against federal stimulus money. Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer said he didn’t know where Sanford is but said he had not been put in charge.

    Hmmmm. That’s two completely different stories and one no comment. If he turns up at the Minn/St.Paul airport, I wouldn’t be surprised.

  77. 77.

    Morbo

    Happy birthday to you!

    Yay, the blogroll is back. For some reason it and the Google ads went Galt on me since Friday, which is a pain because it’s the best aggregation of my most-read blogs out of anything I’ve found. Although Pam’s third arm along with her second and third head are back, too, so that’s a double-edged sword.

  79. 79.

    Ming

    Gotta pile on:

    H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y !!!!!!!

    be good to yerself, man, as we’re not physically present to do it —

  80. 80.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

    Saw that in the bookstore yesterday, and my first thought (after LOL) was “this is probably a pretty good approximation to what Peggy Noonan’s experience with the GOP is like right now“

  82. 82.

    Anne Laurie

    Happy Birthday, John. Always a nice feeling to have resisted the forces of entropy for another year!

  83. 83.

    Comrade Stuck

    Where is South Carolina’s governor?

    Well, there has been an earthquake in Alaska. Maybe he hooked with Sarah Serendipity, and rocked the world.

  84. 84.

    MazeDancer

    @ Libertina
    With Freedom and the ageless Ms. Turner in your screen name, you are already rolling in celebration, but would be delighted to add more next b-day.

    And just in case I miss your posting at that moment, here’s a present that may not be up your alley, but I know you have good taste in political blogs. And guesstimating from Tunch soundtracks and other posts, I’m thinking that the political blog’s chief may be a big fan of Mother’s Finest Who have also been funking the fantastic for four decades, touring impressively still. And if by some unanticipated cause, the birthday blogger is unfamiliar with Atlanta’s Original Party Band, well here’s b-day fun for all:

    Mother’s Finest “Baby Love”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmbaHaiIldA&feature=related

    and

    Mother’s Finest “Piece of the Rock” in 1977. Lyrics timely still.
    youtube.com/watch?v=3SEmPYRlhOw

  85. 85.

    Ash

    Did anyone see Meghan McCain on Real Time a few days back? Please please PLEEEEEEEEASE let that nitwit be “the future of the Republican party.”

  88. 88.

    Krista

    Happy Birthday, John! I was going to sneak in this morning and try to be the first one to wish that to you, but wasn’t sure if you wanted the whole damn world to know it’s your birthday — some people are strange that way. I hope you had an awesome day, and that this year brings you many wonderful things.

  89. 89.

    passerby

    Since “Happy Birthday” has already been used in this thread, I wish you Happy Solar Return you Cancer you. That explains why when it comes to Tunch and Lily, you’re a cupcake.

  90. 90.

    Comrade Stuck

    From Benen

    State Sen. Jake Knotts, a Republican, said in a statement, “I was recently made aware that Governor Sanford has frequently been eluding SLED agents and disappearing at odd times…. As the head of our state, in the unfortunate event of a state of emergency or homeland security situation, Governor Sanford should be available at all times to the chief of SLED.”

    The stuff of 30 second ads. He’s an uber wingnut, but I hope he’s OK!

  92. 92.

    The Saff

    Did anyone see Meghan McCain on Real Time a few days back? Please please PLEEEEEEEEASE let that nitwit be “the future of the Republican party.”

    I did, Ash. She was so far out of her league, it was uncomfortable. I liked when Begala slapped her down at one point when she was whining that she wasn’t born in 1980. Begala responded something to the effect of, “Well, I wasn’t born during the French Revolution but I know what it’s about.” Ms. McCain looked like she was going to cry.

    Besides being an airheaded heiress, she up-talks.

  93. 93.

    Joshua Norton

    So you’re still in the “Today is my Birthday” phase of life. I’ve moved on to the totally forgetting it’s my Birthday, and woe to anyone who reminds me of it.

  94. 94.

    peach flavored shampoo

    @Comrade Stuck: I would figure that this shit would be illegal. The freakin’ Gov can go AWOL to the point that even the Lt. Gov doesn’t know where he is?

    If a parent cant legally do this with kids, pet owners cant legally do this with dogs, how the f#ck can a Governor just Galt himself for 4 consecutive days?

  96. 96.

    Deborah

    Re 91, a generation that doesn’t remember Ronnie may be the Republicans’ only hope of a comeback. You’ve only got a few decades, Dems! Use them well.

    re 93: Yeah, the one weekend a man needs to get off on his own, away from his kids, is Father’s Day. His wife doesn’t know where he is?? Really?? What sort of awful sex scandal is about to explode that he’s fleeing?

  98. 98.

    Svensker

    Happy Birthday, Big John. Hope you get no unexpected presents from the critters.

    Cake for all!

  99. 99.

    John Cole

    Hey you share a birthday with Meryl Streep, Todd Rundgren, Ed Bradley, John Dillinger and Kris Kristofferson. Not bad. Have a good’un.

    Funny, because Todd Rundgren called me an asshole to my face in 1989 at a July 4th celebration near Woodstock, NY.

  100. 100.

    geg6

    @Comrade Stuck:

    Sounds like no one is really worried about him (which seems even weirder to me, but I don’t know Mark Sanford so…). But who the hell disappears for four days and tells no one (not the wife, not lt. governor, not security) and calls no one and turns off his/her phone the entire time?

    Sounds rather suspicious to me. Another GOP sex scandal? And another GOP 2012 contender implodes?

  102. 102.

    John Cole

    And thanks everyone. Just got back from the rails to trails with Lily, and I’m going to hose myself off, have some Mexican, and then go to the dog park to celebrate.

    When your life is as good as mine, you do the same shit on your birthday.

  104. 104.

    burnspbesq

    Well, here’s an odd but somewhat pleasant surprise.

    Instead of invalidating Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act, as many observers including me expected it to do, the Supreme Court effectively kicked the ball across the street to Congress.

    scotusblog.com/wp/

  105. 105.

    Poopyman

    Well, I hope the Mexican is OK with that. But hey … it’s your birthday, so knock yerself out.

  107. 107.

    Annie

    Happy, Happy Birthday! And, a round of “treats” for all 3 of you — Tunch, Lily, and of course, the birthday boy, John.

  109. 109.

    Tim P.

    Happy birthday, John, from a Scorpio who, incidentally, shares his birthday with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Life’s funny.

  110. 110.

    asiangrrlMN

    Happy birthday, John! I expect pictures of Lily and Tunch enjoying your birthday cat.

    (Joke, people. I know chocolate is bad for animals).

  111. 111.

    spudgun

    Happy Birthday, John! 39? Well, then, I look forward to welcoming you to the right side of 40 next year!

    ;-)

  112. 112.

    asiangrrlMN

    Happy birthday, John! I expect pictures of Lily and Tunch enjoying your birthday cake.

    (Joke, people. I know chocolate is bad for animals).

  117. 117.

    Krista

    Slow down. 39.

    So next year, we get to festoon the blog with a bunch of “over-the-hill” stickers and other assorted tacky paraphernalia?

  118. 118.

    Drive By Wisdom

    As a good Christian, I can forgive those who used to burn our flag, and now beg for freedom:

    Mohammad: Americans, European Union, international community, this government is not definitely — is definitely not elected by the majority of Iranians. So it’s illegal. Do not recognize it. Stop trading with them. Impose much more sanctions against them. My message…to the international community, especially I’m addressing President Obama directly – how can a government that doesn’t recognize its people’s rights and represses them brutally and mercilessly have nuclear activities? This government is a huge threat to global peace. Will a wise man give a sharp dagger to an insane person? We need your help international community. Don’t leave us alone.

    I cannot forgive our flag burners who ignore him.

  119. 119.

    slag

    @John Cole:

    Funny, because Todd Rundgren called me an asshole to my face in 1989 at a July 4th celebration near Woodstock, NY.

    Are you ever going to tell us why?

  120. 120.

    Death By Mosquito Truck

    @John Cole:

    Funny, because Todd Rundgren called me an asshole to my face in 1989 at a July 4th celebration near Woodstock, NY.

    Haha. Who is the asshole now, Todd?!

  121. 121.

    Betsy

    Hmm, I don’t know, John. Where’s the birth certificate?

    ;) Happy b-day. I hope it’s awesome.

  125. 125.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Paul L.

    From The Agitator
    Since Sen Ensign affair discredits all he believes in.
    How about this Gun grabber?
    Flynn had affair with journalist who wrote about him

    Uh, WTF? Ensign is being busted not because of any stance on gun control. Ensign is being busted because he’s a hypocritical asswipe who told Bill Clinton and Larry Craig to resign because they were adulterers but shows no sign of following his own advice and resigning because he’s an adulterer. Where the fuck does gun control come in?

  127. 127.

    jake 4 that 1

    @Ash: I’d prefer Sanford. Maybe he could get the entire party to fuck off elsewhere for a bit.

    Sanford was taking time to “recharge” after his failed fight against federal stimulus money.

    Oh deah! Fetch Scahlett her smellin’ salts, she’s done s-wooned.

  128. 128.

    Gregory

    Na na na na na, you say it’s your birthday!

    Happy birthday, John, and many more.

  132. 132.

    Tom Hilton

    Happy birthday!

    If, of course, Going Galt means staking the tomato plants

    Okay, now I know I’ve watched way too much Buffy/Angel…the first thing I thought of when you said this was not, I think, what you’re actually doing.

  134. 134.

    Kevin

    Anyone watching Lou Dobbs? I caught the tail end of an interview with some professor (middle eastern guy), talking about Obama and Iran.

    “America was embarrassed, Obama was embarrassed, they were caught flat footed”

    Dobbs: “What should they have said?”

    Prof: “eh..uh…they should have been more careful about what they said in Cairo about what America is”

    Seriously, what the hell does any of that mean. He knows that saying anything now doesn’t help, he wants to criticize Obama, but when asked what he should do differently about the current situation, he had no clue.

    Why are these people considered “experts”?

  135. 135.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    Happy Birthday John, hope you have a nice day enjoying it. What are you, seventeen now? ;)

    Regarding losing control in your home (re: dog eating cat food and cat eating dog food), I wouldn’t worry too much unless you start eating their food. That’s the time to worrying.

  137. 137.

    gypsy howell

    HB, JC. And many thanks for the blog. It’s my favorite place in the blogosphere.

    Enjoy what’s left of your day.

    — gypsy

  138. 138.

    Steeplejack

    Cole!

    ¡Feliz navidad!

    Thanks for all your good work as the proprietor of Balloon Juice. I came last fall for the campaign commentary and stayed for the cat pet p0rn, the low-grade rageaholism and the mewling commentariat. It’s the best!

  139. 139.

    Laura W

    @Steeplejack:

    mewling commentariat

    Here!
    I heard this at the very end of my walk yesterday and listened to it twice to cool down. The sound is awful, but lookit the date!
    Monsieur Cole was not even born yet.
    Arrrrgggghhhhhh.

  141. 141.

    Cain

    Happy Birthday John!

    Funny, because Todd Rundgren called me an asshole to my face in 1989 at a July 4th celebration near Woodstock, NY.

    The lead singer of Everclear mutterd under his breath that I was an asshole for cutting in line at a restaurant. (I wasn’t, I was trying to get to the dessert line not for dinner)

    BTW, I hoped you looked at wikipedia and see what kind of historical events took place on your birthday. I had all kinds of goodness when I looked up May 11th. A very exciting day ;)
    cain

  142. 142.

    Steeplejack

    @Laura W:

    ¡Caramba! That was awesome! Despite David Steinberg doing the intro [shudder].

    You just made my week with that clip. Possibly the month. All is forgiven. From now on I will even refer to you as “s/he,” if you want.

  143. 143.

    OriGuy

    С Днём Рожндения
    Literally, [congratulations] with the day of your birth.
    Wordpress doesn’t seem to want to post only the Cyrillic.

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