Gilbert Gottfried narrating Fifty Shades of Grey. Not safe for work, public transit, coffeeshops, the park, at home around the significant other or really anywhere that another person might hear anything. The guy’s voice really carries.
Consider this a jobs thread for people who did not listen to the safe for work part. Plus a dating thread for very new singles.
Chat about whatever.
Schlemizel
are there any IT security types with experience in scanning & pen testing in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area looking for a long-term gig? We are going to need someone very soon, the req has been approved.
Walker
How do I reaccess the mobile version of the site? My phone has been stuck on the desktop version for a few days.
Elizabelle
Funny blogpost.
Bookmarking for listening to this later at home.
And Happy Friday the 13th to all us jobless and not critters.
Cassidy
@Walker: Thought there was a button at the bottom?
Cassidy
Search this hring site for PSS World Medical. I have a relative who works for their corporate office and they have distribution centers all over the country. Don’t know if it helps, but there could be something there for you.
scav
Huzzah for the jobless indeed! (although that’s a bit like singing Happy Birthday at your own party). May All of them soon find New Singles (and bills of Larger denomination) Following them Home soon!
RSA
I love the Fifty Shades reading. Amazingly, there’s some subtlety in the piece, if you watch the expressions on the women’s faces.
PaulW
I’ve taken myself out of the dating scene until I can first get a job, get out of this jobless-induced depression I’m in, and lose 100 lbs.
So if anyone needs a librarian trying to get on a diet, EMAIL ME…
Bobby Thomson
You never give up on your soul mate.
Cassidy
@PaulW: If you need help with the workout, let me know.
Walker
@Cassidy:
Nope. There is no button there.
amk
@Walker: Didn’t cole scrap it after his vista moment ?
ThresherK
I used to make a joke about “A bigger waste of capital than backing Gilbert Gottfried’s books-on-tape”.
The world is catching up to me.
Marcellus Shale, Public Dick
what, no dog picture? i demand a dog picture. i thought balloon juice played the hits, not contemporary hits mind you, but the hits from way back whenever you thought you were relevant.
play the hits, let no thread go undoggied.
Beth in VA
Hilarious video! That’s all. Back to my usual lurking…
Woodrowfan
@Cassidy:
Which page is that on??
TaMara (BHF)
I’m still looking for a boiler/plumbing tech who wants to learn Solar Thermal (or a solar thermal guy) in the Boulder/Denver CO, area.
Here’s the listing: http://boulder.craigslist.org/trd/3132874285.html
p.s. I know there’s a typo in the ad I just haven’t had time to go in and correct it. So save your scorn.
burnspbesq
You may ultimately not agree, but Ben Wittes’ take on the Junod article is very much worth reading.
http://www.lawfareblog.com/2012/07/tom-junod-in-esquire-gives-obama-a-moral-dressing-down/#more-8018
NancyDarling
This very old single is grateful for the public service you have performed with this video, Tim. I had been wondering if I should read the book(s) since they are on the NYT best seller list. My mind is made up. Is this what passes for erotica these days? If so, civilization is truly in danger.
From a female (at least this female) perspective, I recommend Arundhati Roy’s “The God of Small Things” if you are looking for the erotic in your reading.
I just got back to AR from a two week vacation at Big Bear Lake, CA. Lots of hiking, some kayaking, eating, and reading. What’s everyone reading?
If you want to be scared, read “In the Garden of Beasts”—I wish I could believe it can’t happen here.
For a feel-good, easy read, try “The Eighty Dollar Champion”. It’s about an Amish plow horse, headed for the abattoir, when a Dutch immigrant/riding instructor buys him. He resold him to a neighbor a year or so later. The horse turned out to be a paddock jumper and kept returning to the Dutchman. With some training, the horse went on to win the Triple Crown of jumping two years in a row.
“Wild” will amaze you. It’s amazing that she didn’t die on the PCT somewhere. Really, who packs deodorant and a roll of condoms when striking out on the PCT? Her pack weighed more than half of her body weight when she started. My back-packing days are over, but my son heads for the High Sierras at every opportunity and he wouldn’t dream of carrying a pack that heavy. I once carried about 45 pounds into the Pecos Wilderness of NM, but that included the weight of my old style trapper snowshoes—it was a long time ago.
Also, the reports of CA’s demise are greatly exaggerated. AR continues its plod back into the 15th century.
I’m sorry for all of you who are searching for work. It’ll happen; don’t despair. My son’s company in Lafayette, CA is recruiting.
http://jki.net/company
zmulls
One discussion point I haven’t heard tossed around much is Romney’s assertion that he was given $100K a year from Bain but did absolutely nothing for it. $100K for doing nothing. That’s his *DEFENSE*.
$100K is greater than the household income of 84% of the nation. Romney was paid more than 80% of households in America for doing no work. Can you imagine how that would play, stated so plainly?
And you can imagine Romney thinking to himself: “A hundred thousand is NOTHING, it’s NOTHING. It’s chicken-feed! It’s *pocket money!* It’s a…a….a….a TIP! It was just a token little payment! Hmmmm…..my advisors are telling me not to say that in public though…..”
Cassidy
It started out as Edward/Bella fanfic if that tells you anything.
Steeplejack
@Walker:
On your phone’s browser, clear the cache (or “history,” or whatever it calls it), then close the browser, reopen it and go to Balloon Juice. You should get the mobile site by default.
bemused
I’m not a huge Gottfried fan but him reading parts of the book is so goofy, it made me laugh out loud. Haven’t read the book and don’t plan to.
FormerSwingVoter
@Bobby Thomson:
I really, really, really wish this were true. More than anything.
But sometimes love just isn’t enough.
debg
@Cassidy: That tells me a lot. And the video had me laughing until I cried. I loved the women’s reactions.
Cassidy
@debg: I’m at work. I have to wait until later tonight. That’s if I can get on my laptop as my wife has done horrible things to hers that now require me to drop it off to someone much smarter and skilled than I and take my money to fix it.
Bethanyanne
And… Pee Wee Herman narrating The Dark Knight Rises trailer: http://boingboing.net/2012/07/12/pee-wee-dubs-dark-knight-rises.html
S. cerevisiae
OK, I haven’t been able to got online for a couple of days – has anyone given a report on Mitt’s speech to the
hired helpNAACP? Did he mention government cheese? Did he do 20 year old rap badly? Did he mention “bootstraps”?Oh god please, if it hasn’t happened yet you know it will.
S. cerevisiae
OK, I haven’t been able to got online for a couple of days – has anyone given a report on Mitt’s speech to the
hired helpNAACP? Did he mention government cheese? Did he do 20 year old rap badly? Did he mention “bootstraps”?Oh god please, if it hasn’t happened yet you know it will.
jl
Where is the obscenity/jobs/hototrot tag?
RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist
Job news: I have a telephone (pre-)interview on Tuesday with what looks like a pretty exciting high tech industrial tooling company. It’s 90 minutes long and includes a test. They call it an interview but nobody gets a (legit) job over the phone so this is almost certainly screening and qualification.
I’m employed and wasn’t looking for a different job but I’m bored and underpaid so when a friend forwarded this I followed up on it. Upsides: more pay, interesting work, smart people. Downsides: lotsa travel, including international.
We’ll see how it goes. At my current job I’m so bored I voluntarily put on grubby clothes and stripped wax floors* in bathrooms all day just to have the company of a co-worker that I like. Gonna do that again today just to make the time pass.
* even nastier than it sounds
schrodinger's cat
@Cassidy: Who are Edward and Bella? Is this some sort of a teenagery thingie?
Anonymous At Work
When is Gilbert’s voice safe for anyone? His voice is such a finely-honed tool, crafted to be the vocal equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.
Valdivia
@NancyDarling:
I read somewhere that the writer began this novel as fan fiction for Twilight. Apparently a lot of people are into writing continuations of books they love and she did that for Twilight. So the Fifty Shades series is a grown up version of the same relationship.
Jay in Oregon
@schrodinger’s cat:
Edward and Bella are the prinicpal characters of the Twilight series.
There’s a pretty book dissection of the first 50 Shades book by a blogger who actually has experience in the BDSM world. Her fisking of the book is priceless; she explains why Christian Grey is even more of a creepy stalker type and sexual predator than Edward could hope to be, and how the book is actually a terrible portrayal of the BDSM lifestyle.
(Minor spoilers ahead…)
Ana Steele, the female lead, is a virgin when she meets Christian (because of course she is!). The blogger asserts if Christian was a responsible Dom, he would have backed off immediately because if you’ve never had sex, you cannot possibly know what your limits are and have no business entering into a D/S relationship.
That stunning lack of ignorance is demonstrated later in the book when, after Christian explains to Ana what a safeword is for, Ana apparently forgets that whole conversation and endures a whipping with a belt that she could have stopped at any time if she had used her safeword.
You can find the posts at:
http://bizzybiz.blogspot.com/search/label/50%20Shades%20of%20Grey%20review
Yutsano
Jobs in Canuckistan. They’re actively looking for US trades skilled folks.
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
As an aspiring writer who is selling just about nothing, the success (hell, the existence) of the 50 Shades series is enough make me think I should just give up and kill myself with paper cuts.
Cassidy
At least you’re aspiring. I’d love to write, but that whole putting words to type thing is my downfall.
CW in LA
@Tara the Antisocial Social Worker: A bunch of us were talking about contemporary literature at lunch one day, and I said maybe I should re-write “The Bridges of Madison County”, but with vampires. A co-worker assured me it would make me a millionaire. But since I’m really not creative enough to pull such an oeuvre off, I’ll pass the suggestion on to you.
John Weiss
Ha! This is an excerpt from an erotic novel? Hell’s bells. My SO and I lived a much racier life than that. Without the gravely voice.
Cassidy
@John Weiss: Heh, my wife read it because she wanted to see what the big deal was. When I asked her about it, she said it was meh and that we had more fun.
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
@CW in LA: My first unsold novel is about lawyers. And really, what’s the difference, except that a vampire will stop sucking your blood after you’re dead?
David Koch
The AFLAC duck commercials have been complete shit since they fired Gilbert
David Koch
I used to love Gilbert when he would host USA’s “Up All Night”
duck-billed placelot
@PaulW: Late, but PaulW; are you willing to relocate? Denver Public Library is hiring…