Cord Jefferson is a writer worth reading, if you can catch him — I first noticed his byline at Wonkette, I think, or maybe Slate, and places like Gawker. To get you in the right mood for the weekend, here’s a lovely year-end memento from The Awl:
I have never been a physically daring man. I’m afraid of heights such that my palms begin to sweat when I go up high flights of stairs in shopping malls. I’m awful at skiing, made slow and hesitant by an unyielding and morbid fear that I will propel into a tree or somehow shatter my femur in a devastating tumble. In middle school, when I joined the football team, in an attempt to realize my father’s thinly veiled desire that I be a quarterback, I was decidedly not one of the star players. To be very good at football, you need to be able to snuff out the voice inside of you that says it’s better for everyone if you do not hurtle your body at great speeds into another person’s body. I couldn’t squelch that voice, which only got louder after I watched a massive and overeager boy named Ryan bend my friend Mike’s leg the wrong way during a hitting drill, breaking it in two places.
Some people don’t have a voice urging reticence and caution. My friend Chris doesn’t, largely due to the influence of his father, Leo. Leo grew up in Tucson, Arizona, which at that time wasn’t even the mid-sized strip-mall Mecca it’s become today. Though in many ways he’d had an average middle-class upbringing, Leo’s father was an abusive alcoholic, prompting him to move away from home and get his own place as soon as he could put together enough money, which he earned laying pipe for a construction company. He married his high-school sweetheart, a half-Japanese woman with permanently rosy cheeks named Martha, and soon they were having children. Chris was first, and then his sister, Kelle….
What I appreciated most about Leo, and what was most different about him from my parents, was how much time he spent in the outdoors. My father once said to me, “All the camping I need to do in this life I already did in Vietnam”; my mother, while lovely and doting, always preferred a bridge game to a fishing rod. I grew up a child who found many of my most enriching experiences indoors, in front of a computer or a book or a movie. For that reason, Leo’s stories about his far-flung wilderness adventures were exotic to me, stirring a curiosity deep from within, as if I were listening to an alien describe a cocktail party on the moon…
It’s impossible to be raised in such an environment and not emerge with a siren’s song in your guts and heart pulling you toward adventure and danger. From my father I took, among other things, a love of jazz and an affinity for wearing loafers with no socks. Chris took from Leo the desire—nay, need—to push his life to the limit. Besides sailing boats and going fishing and going hunting and all the other things Leo taught him to do, Chris builds and rides motorcycles; rock climbs, occasionally in the middle of the night; hikes the mountains around his house in Tucson; and cycles the softly sloping and winding roads that stretch out into various corners of the endless Arizona desert. To accomplish all of his various activities in a timely manner, Chris will occasionally demand his friends stick to a rigorous schedule—”Up at 8 and out the door by 8:30″ and that sort of thing. He calls this “being a Leo.”
Chris, with his love of exploration and impulsiveness, has grown to be my closest traveling companion over the years, and thus, not incidentally, the major balancing offset to that cautious voice in my head warning against risk and bodily injury. Chris is the guy who, after spending all night barhopping in Budapest, demands you climb out the hotel room’s skylight and dangle your legs off the roof. Chris is the guy goading you into leaping from your hotel balcony to your passed-out friend’s hotel balcony in order to sneak into his room and obtain an iPhone charger. Chris is the guy driving his motorcycle 80 miles per hour five feet away from a sheer cliff drop on the Croatian coast. In late 2011, I ended up staring off a 50-foot rock looming over the Adriatic Sea in Dubrovnik. Below was Chris, who had already jumped and was now treading water while screaming at me.
“Just fucking do it!” he shouted. “Don’t think about it! Everyone’s staring at you! Aren’t you embarrassed?”…
Raven
Drunks, Nam Vets, Tucson. Been there, done that.
Maude
I prefer to live and stay in one piece.
Mike in NC
Watching “The Dark Knight Rises” on DVD and it sucks Dick Armey’s balls. What a pile of horseshit.
PsiFighter37
Doing my NYE house party ingredient shopping tomorrow in the snow here in Manhattan. I’ve already bought all my craft beers ahead of time…so I’ve got 60+ bottles of beer stuffed into my fridge already.
I sure hope this is going to turn into an absolute shitshow on Monday. Next task is to get my 130+ song playlist into the proper order and work out the intrasong transitions…
Maude
@PsiFighter37:
You have a large fridge.
Last I heard, NJ NY to get small amount of snow.
Alison
It’s fucking cold.
Omnes Omnibus
@PsiFighter37:
I’ll lay 5:1 they don’t make it ’til NYE.
Spaghetti Lee
Long road trips can be taxing. My food over the last 2 days has been (in order) Burger King, Domino’s, Wendy’s, and a local place in Florida called ‘the Thirsty Marlin.’
Driving through Tennessee/Georgia (and it only got slightly better in Florida), I was amazed at the sheer number of Waffle Houses. For stretches there was literally one at every exit. How do they all stay in business?
Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason
I don’t need to jump off cliffs, ride motorcycles, or leap from balconies. I got all the adrenaline rush and danger thrills I needed commuting on the DC beltway. Pitting a ’77 Civic against 18-wheelers? Done with that for now, thank FSM.
Raven
@Spaghetti Lee: The Awful Waffle!
Maude
@Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason:
The Cadillac SUVs are truly scary around here. They own the road.
Evolving Deep Southerner
@Raven: Hey, man, didn’t want to muck up the other thread with this for all those really deep into a discussion of milk prices, but what the fuck’s up with this bowl season? Half of them have been played and exactly none of them piqued my interest. I know you’re half-Hokie, but I’m full-blooded Dawg, and that’s about it for my interest in sports. I’m looking forward to NCSU versus Vanderbilt (don’t know whether I’ll be pulling paycheck or conference there), LSU/Clemson, the Florida game, and the national title game. And ours, of course. But, damn, nothing good starts coming on at all till Sunday.
Alison
@efgoldman: Well…it doesn’t get nearly that cold here, but I’m extra sensitive to cold. For me to be comfortable indoors, it needs to be at *least* 75, and more like 77-78. Whereas my parents both act like they’re in a sauna at that temperature.
Thank God for space heaters, basically.
PhoenixRising
…that was delicious. I need a cigarette. Had a number of those thoughts myself last month: yeah, I’m being careful, but if that’s not enough at least my obit references Phnom Penh and a Honda 125. Win/win!
Raven
@Evolving Deep Southerner: Don’t forget the Illini! We have Auburn tomorrow in the hoop and we could be 12-1 going into the BIG10 season. I’m still bummed but proud of the Dawgs.
The Dangerman
@Evolving Deep Southerner:
It’ll be a few good games bookended with garbage (I fully expect Notre Dame to be in the game up until the opening coin toss; it’s all downhill from there for them).
ETA: The Rutgers/Tech game was so ugly that I was begging to watch the “Dark Knight Rises”, Dick Armey’s balls notwithstanding.
Raven
Some nasty shit going on in this football game.
Raven
@The Dangerman: GO HOKIES!!!!!!!!
Raven
2nd and 42 for the Gophers. This could be a brawl.
MattR
@Raven: 4th and 49 and they can’t get lined up to punt in time. Watch out for the fake :)
Hungry Joe
Saw “Tarantino Unchained” last night. Some good fun in the first half, but overall it really is a godawful movie. Revenge fantasy, sure; over the top, okay, I’m in; violence, well, yeah, what do you expect? But the construction is sloppy, the what-the-hell??? plot turns laughable head-scratchers, much of the the slaughter just plain silly. And Tarantino’s appearance near the end — the man simply cannot act — was like mooning the audience.
Raven
@MattR: Jerry Kill has had a bunch of seizures and I can see why.
SiubhanDuinne
@Spaghetti Lee:
I know of a few places on I-85 where there are two Waffle Houses per exit — one if you’re northbound, another if you’re southbound. Their senior VP is a wing nutty Georgia state senator, but the business model seems to work for them. And when my dad was dying and I was staggering out of the hospital at 3:00 a.m. stupid with hunger and fatigue, there was something very welcoming and comforting about them. But I haven’t been inside a WH in years; they’re just part of the highway scenery around here.
Raven
@SiubhanDuinne: Hell they put one in the new parking deck downtown.
MattR
@SiubhanDuinne: What does it say about their customers that they can’t be bothered to get off at the exit AND cross over the highway to reach the Waffle House?
@Raven: Very funny. Wrong, but funny.
Evolving Deep Southerner
@SiubhanDuinne: Lavonia (Exit 173 on I-85) still has them situated that way. There’s been two there for many years now, and both appear to do a healthy business when I go by there. But then again, it’s Lavonia.
mainmati
@Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason: Our family chose to live within the DC Beltway and pay the extra amount for a house so that we could walk to the Silver Spring Metro and train commute to work. So we end up driving very little and so save a lot of money on that end. The Beltway is often a hellacious, Tokyo fast and furious nightmare and frankly I don’t need that when I can do a healthy aerobic 1 mile walk to the Metro. It can literally be a matter of life and death. I understand many people don’t have those choices and that’s a shame but everybody’s gotta make some basic choices how they want to lead their lives.
General Stuck
The wingnut tears flow sweet like sand through the hour glass.
“shit show” indeed. And I am confident that Obama’s political acumen and negotiating strategy had nothing to do with the current republican “shit show” . Nope, nuttin but dumb luck it twas.
John Cole
Well played, AL. My post was on top for 10 minutes. :P
lamh35
For some reason I found myself watching Pride & Prejudice with Keira Knightley. It’s never been may fav version (“I hate to interrupt, but Colin Firth was the greatest Mr Darcy of all time!), but it passes time & the study is such that I love seeing it acted out. Now I find myself watching Keira Knightley in The Duchess & it’s pretty good if not for all the commercial breaks.
Omnes Omnibus
@lamh35:
Um, it has Keira Knightley.
@John Cole: Step on her post; fair is fair.
lamh35
@Omnes Omnibus: The BBC/Masterpiece Theatre version with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy and Jennifer Erhle(sp?) as Elizabeth is the one I prefer. I like Keira Knightley, but her razor sharp cheeks & collarbone that can cut glass just distracts me a bit.
I’ll admit that it’s the character of Mr Darcy that brought me to enjoy Pride and Prejudice and while the Mr Darcy in the Knightley adaption was cute, he was still no Colin Firth in my mind
I have this feeling of de ja vu, but I LOVE COLIN FIRTH!
Omnes Omnibus
@lamh35: Well, as a straight guy, the Mr. Darcys have little effect on me; Ms. Knightley, however…
PsiFighter37
@Omnes Omnibus: Okay, I’m not THAT much of an alcoholic. Sheesh, do you really have that little faith in me?
Omnes Omnibus
@PsiFighter37: That MUCH faith in you. Let’s phrase it as a positive. Plus, I could have done it at your age (sub-30, right?) and laughed it off.
lamh35
AGGGH! Another GDDMN commericial! All the I’m trying to do is get the hell through this damn Duchess movie, but literally every GDMN 5 minutes is another 5 min of commercials.
I have never wanted to throw something at the feckin’ television so much. The movie in only available on Netflix on DVD not streaming and I refuse to pay to stream it on Amazon
Ugh!!!
srv
Ft Worth Gun Show tomorrow, going to be a roaring Q4 for the gunmakers and dealers.
eemom
@lamh35:
That could be because it’s not only a first rate adaptation of P&P, but arguably the best film adaptation of great literature ever made, IMNSH English majorly O.
Totally agree with you re Colin Firth, also too — and it is funny you should mention that, because eedaughter and I were arguing about it the other day when I was watching it over Christmas gift wrapping. She adamantly opposes my clinical assessment of Colin Firth — i.e., “hotter than a firecracker” — and insists she prefers [gulp] Colin…..Farrell.
[primal scream]
Unfortunately, she looks too much like me to disavow maternity. Fortunately, she had a friend over this evening who was totally on MY side of the dispute.
eemom
@Omnes Omnibus:
To wreak proper vengeance for that, I MAY have to resort to mixing up Soft Cell with The Clash again.
Jussayinzall.
lamh35
@eemom: Oh, i luv Colin Ferrell for his dirty, gibberish speaking hawtness, but if it was a choice between the two Colin on a desert island, I’d chose Firth hands down.
Ferrell may contribute raw sexual energy, but I jut feel that Colin Firth would at least stimulate my mind too. On a desert island, there has to be more to do than sex…I way too old for Blue Lagoon type of young “exuberance”…lol
Colin Firth all the way!
freelancer
Mike Birbiglia’s Sleepwalk with Me is on Netflix Instant. Go watch it.
Todd
+about 7.
Reported to spouse that I’ve been having diving dreams, and told her about the dive trips I was thinking we should take next year.
Gotta get back under the blue….
lahke
Sorry, folks, but it’s Laurence Olivier in the Greer Garson version of P and P who wins that match- up.
And a hearty thank you to whoever recommended The Tiger’s Wife–just finished it, and loved it.
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom: What is your objection to Ms. Knightley? Okay, I will admit she is no Eva Green, but Eva Green never starred in Pride and Prejudice, did she? So I would say that bring her into the argument is unfair. YMMV.
My mind still reels at the Soft Cell/Clash confusion. Do you also confuse the Ronettes and the Rolling Stones?
Todd
Loved the Keira Knightley P & P. Am also fond of Downton Abbey.
I am not a kook
@Mike in NC: Re: Dark Knight, you are absolutely right. I couldn’t finish it, so much pointless wankery. All the characters are basically little boys (or fantasies of little boys) trapped in adult bodies. Nothing wrong with little boys, have one myself, but they don’t HAVE to dominate the whole frelling mediascape.
I say this even as I cue up another episode of Farscape on Netflix. Even that is more mature (they actually get into more adult themes in the second and third seasons but it all turns into a glorious mess).
lamh35
Geez, finally finished The Duchess. Darn Oxygen channels and commericals.
Man the Duchess story is sad as hell ain’t it. The makes me think again, about the things women had to put up with back then, heck and that was white women. As a modern woman, I can’t imagine being made to deal with my husband having his mistress living in the same damn house as me and my children, and then being made to stay cause I have no legal right to my own damn children…ugh.
Shoot, as a Black woman in America, I feel even more sickened by the whole thing.
Omnes Omnibus
@Todd: Well, at least the guys who are +5 or more agree.
lamh35
@Todd: I actually was telling a friend that the Knightley version is perfect for the Downton Abbey set of viewers. It has that feel to it, IMHO.
The Masterpiece theatre version did not have the same “soap opera” feel to it as the Knightley version and yet obviously the dialogue was all the same right?
Just in the inclusion of the younger actors made the story seem more CW like.
Strontium 90
Wild Things just starting on Encore. Guilty pleasure viewing for sure!
Lojasmo
All you Dark Night haters can fuck off. that is all.
Omnes Omnibus
@lamh35: One of her nieces was Caroline Lamb, who is the one who described Byron as “mad, bad, and dangerous to know.” Then she had an affair with him.
Todd
@lamh35:
I’m actually fond of the Knightley Zhivago as well. Some classic tales have to be redone so as to account for archaic translations and screenplays.
Omnes Omnibus
@Todd: Zhivago? Not Anna Karenina?
MattR
She’s on another planet
She’s in my dream
She’s some kind of angel
If you know what I mean
jibeaux
She’s way too skinny. You know who I’m talking about.
Gwangung
@jibeaux: yes, she is.
But I happen to have a fondness for skiny, almost anorexic women. And she impresses me as having a fair amount of wattage upstairs…
Todd
@Omnes Omnibus:
Zhivago. I prefer the miniseries treatment of the tale.
Omnes Omnibus
@Todd: Yeah, I just looked. I hadn’t realized she had done that.
handsmile
@eemom:
The prophet Nostradumbass
@John Cole: WordPress has this feature where posts can be scheduled to appear at a certain time, perhaps you all could use it?
Anne Laurie
@John Cole: Just following the Blogmaster’s example!
lamh35
@Gwangung: i think she has a beautiful smile and her lips are to die for. I say that as a black female who lips are pretty luscious I’ve been told (not to toot my own horn…lol), but I still find her way to skinny.
But then again, I’m a straight woman and skinny just ain’t what I’m into in either women or men
BTW, we are still talking ’bout Ms Knightley right…lol
Gwangung
@lamh35: tippers. And I understand…but this is just means me and my tastes (long Audrey Hepburn necks are attractive to me). And it’s really the combination I some mental horsepower that I like.
Oh, TMI? Heh. Oh, well…..
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@efgoldman: I haven’t been that chemically impaired in years. And I’ve always been able to tell Soft Cell from the Clash. While admitting it was a truly hilarious confusion for which I thank eemom wholeheartedly. With whom I agree fully on the Colins. Youth can be foolish; perhaps eedaughter will grow out of it.
Omnes Omnibus
@lamh35: Skinny works for her – probably because it is natural. Others can look or be anorexic and unhealthy.
@Gwangung: Oh god… Audrey Hepburn.
Gwangung
@The prophet Nostradumbass: ThT just means they’ll Bigfoot each other on a time table.
eemom
@Omnes Omnibus:
No objection to Ms. Knightley per se; it is that the Brito-Hollywood piece of shit in which she starred was an abomination unto the memory of Jane Austen, surpassed only by the truly appalling “Mansfield Park” with Harold Pinter — and I hope the dear lady’s ghost rises from Winchester Cathedral and haunts all connected with such blasphemies on a regular evening basis to this day.
(The Greer Garson/Olivier P&P, while not in the same league due to its era, ALSO sucked as an adaptation, I must add.)
As for Soft Cell and The Clash — it was the EIGHTIES, dude. I was a carefree college chick….it was all just one endless soundtrack.
Or, as someone else above noted: chemicals. Also too.
Todd
Gotten sucked into the Sandler Longest Yard again, which always makes me happy. If it were followed by Dodgeball, I’d die happy…
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom:
No. I am not that much younger than you are and I had access to chemicals from really high quality sources. Plus I played rugby and was regularly kicked in the head. Still, music is important. And if you didn’t think so, I would not have slept with you back then. Unless you were really hot. Or chemicals.
MattR
@Omnes Omnibus:
You shoulda seen me in high school. I was so thin that after any kind of exercise you could see my heart beating. But that was strictly the result of a high metabolism (and boy did I pay for all the poor eating habits I developed when that slowed down)
eemom
@Omnes Omnibus:
Sheeeyit. Them’s FIGHTING words.
Ahem.
Reserving all rights as to how hot I in fact was — i.e., whether I could have mixed up Barry Fucking Manilow with the Talking Heads for all anybody cared — I think, upon careful study, I have come up with the explanation for my confusion: it is that Should I Stay Or Should I Go was often played in the same dance mix as Tainted Love.
It may not SATISFY your exalted standards but there it is.
angler
Chris is a douchebag. Also, don’t we all relate to benders in ‘Budapest? What’s this bourgeois bulslhit doing on Ballon juice?
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom: Nothing personal. I was a bit of proto-hipster back then (back then, ha! – ed.) My fraternity was heavy into funk as party music (Dazz Band, Gap Band). Also too, Combat Rock, which I own on vinyl and cd, was one of the worst Clash albums. London Calling or Sandinista is where it’s at. Or the first album. Okay, anything but Cut the Crap.
Ruckus
@Raven:
The Awful House.
Where I worked in Columbus OH they would have 2 at a major freeway off ramp, one on each side of the freeway. Good for a greasy cheap meal. And I didn’t mean a good meal, just good cheap. But then I used to go to lunch with people that liked to eat at White Castle or Skyline chili. Fortunately I could talk them out of that(throw a hissy fit) and they would go when I was on the road.
MattR
@Omnes Omnibus: Where do you stand on Big Audio Dynamite?
Omnes Omnibus
@MattR: Number 10 Upping Street is great. Some of the singles are catchy. Neither Mick nor Joe really did consistently well without one another until Joe formed the Mescaleros.
Omnes Omnibus
@Ruckus: When were you in C-bus? I was there from 93-08.
eemom
@handsmile:
Touche. Some of those are rather formidable gauntlets.
The thing is, I KNEW I should have said “ONE of the best” — the lesson of which is, it never pays to ignore one’s lawyerly instincts.
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom: I like “including, but not limited to…”
Anne Laurie
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
As with all FYWP’s features, around here the scheduling function works intermittently — i.e., only if you’re not counting on it.
I was on my way out the door, realized somebody had thrown up a post between the time I started mine & when I finished proofreading, went to re-schedule and then realized, fukkit, That Guy never bothers to show the same courtesy to his minions! ;)
handsmile
@eemom:
Thanks. I was beginning to feel as if I’d been pie’d by everyone. Film talk usually prompts polemics.
Anyhow, I don’t see your “nym” much hereabouts of late. (Which may mean something good for you.) I always look forward to reading the unbridled id of your commentary. As for “one’s lawyerly instincts,” I’ve assumed you must be/been a litigator.
All good fortune and good health to you and yours in the New Year!
Omnes Omnibus
@handsmile: Sometimes she scares me.
Tripod
@Mike in NC:
I thought it was completely disappointing shit. In hindsight, Ledger’s scenery chewing kept the second installment afloat.
In Nolan’s best work, Inception and Memento, the non-linear timelines allow him to fudge editing and scripting issues. Otherwise he runs long and doesn’t seem to get where he has dramatic structural problems.
eemom
@handsmile:
Thank you, and back atcha. Yes I am a litigator. And a Greek. Whatever idliness I possess — of which I am proud — belongs exclusively to the latter heritage.
@Omnes Omnibus:
And along the lines of the foregoing, I hereby channel my mother — who, while possessing the capacity for, and frequently implementing, Medea-esque levels of terror — nevertheless when challenged along such lines always responds, with utterly convincing cluelessness: “But I am so easygoing.”
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom: I actually laughed out loud.
Can anyone explain why I am about +10 and wired? Chemicals are not involved.
Radio One
I just finished watching the first disc of the second season of Boardwalk Empire, and I was blown away by Regina Spektor’s rendition of “My Man” on the end credits for the third episode. She is probably the best and most passionately ironic singers of the current 30-something generation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kTCE5Sc7F8
Omnes Omnibus
@Radio One: Me like. She is fantastic. Awesome. Great, even.
wasabi gasp
Таня и Жанна Фриске – Вестерн
Omnes Omnibus
@wasabi gasp: Okay.
wasabi gasp
The Growlers – Wandering Eyes
YellowJournalism
@lahke: Seconded on the Greer Garson version. It is not the best adaptation but has the best chemistry between the two leads. But on single character portrayal alone, I say Firth is still the best Darcy.
I really liked The Duchess, btw, despite many historical inaccuracies. But if we decided a film was good merely on accurate history or faithful adaptation, we’d miss out on rightfully praising a lot of great films. The film needs to work on its on as a film to be successful IMO.
Hubby bought me a Great Works of Austen for Christmas. I wasn’t able to decide what to read first. I was leaning to Northhanger Abbey since it is the only one I haven’t read, but all this P&P talk makes me think I need to reread that again instead.
Weird thing. This book may either have a severe spelling error or uses obscure spelling, because it lists “Persuasion” as “Persuation” throughout this compilation.
wasabi gasp
The Devil Makes Three – Ten Feet Tall
wasabi gasp
Calibro 35 – Milano Calibro 9 (Bouchet Funk)
wasabi gasp
Glen Porter – I Sat Alone
wasabi gasp
The Black Heart Procession – It’s a crime I never told you about the diamonds in your eyes
wasabi gasp
Jean Marie Riachi feat. Abir Nehme – Ana Bhebak
wasabi gasp
FEAR – Let’s Have a War
wasabi gasp
Natalie Walker – Red
Gravenstone
@Omnes Omnibus: If you’re +10, chemicals are most definitely involved. However, no I can’t explain why your mind is holding the alcohol off for the present. Life is just weird that way sometimes.
wasabi gasp
KAV – Easy
wasabi gasp
Emily Jane White – Bessie Smith
wasabi gasp
Floex – Veronika’s Dream
wasabi gasp
The Caretaker – Camaraderie At Arms Length
maurinsky
Firth is a better actor, and he’s a fine Darcy, but Matthew Macfadyen has a deliciously sexy voice, and the music in the Knightly P&P is so beautiful, that the movie ends up my go-to version.
Litlebritdifrnt
Not sure if anyone has alerted to this yet, Hillary is in hospital with a blood clot following the concussion.
Hillary Clinton admitted to hospital with blood clot http://nbcnews.to/TArjgU
All those RWNJs who said she was faking the injury so she didn’t have to testify can kiss my lily white english arse.