My favorite of Captain Obvious stupidity came years ago during the Minnesota state hockey tournament. The game was tied after regulation and as overtime was starting the announced stated, “the next goal is going to be critical!”
Gotta have 5 minutes of commercials between every half inning.
17.
different-church-lady
@efgoldman: Ah, the perfect segue into something that’s been building up over the past 4 days…
D-C-L’S COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO ANNOYING TECH COMMERCIALS ON THE 2013 WORLD SERIES
1) VERIZON HALLOWEEN CANDY
Why in hell does the girl say, “Seriously, even the dog!” It makes NO SENSE. And who the fuck plots their Halloween route? I know this is tongue in cheek, but it just comes off as irritating.
2) APPLE 5S LIQUID METAL THINGY
I’m a huge fan of Apple products, but I am in hate this new 1%/99% product line split they decided on for some insane reason, and the first time I saw this spot I thought it was a Lexus commercial or something. In the Steve Jobs “this is shit/this is amazingly great” dichotomy I’m sure it would have been the first when they ran it by him.
3) T-MOBILE “JEREMY IN EUROPE” SERIES
Stupid scenario, bad acting. ‘Nuf ced. (*And besides, JEREMY HAS A FUCKING PHONE! JUST CALL HIM!!! ARE YOU THE DUMBEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD?!?)
4) EVERY SINGLE DOG-DAMNED GOOGLE AD
They have more money than God and Oprah combined. Why did they hire some fly-by night ad agency with a couple of camcorders and a stock footage license? Hideous. Just… inexplicably amateurish. Reminds me of the internal corporate crap I used to do in the 80s. Plus it looks like they just bought some five year old white MacBooks, scraped the Apple logos off and then still expected everyone to fall in love with their third-way uniqueness or something.
AND BONUS GRIPE: RON BURGANDY FOR DODGE
Am I the only one who finds nearly everything Will Farrell does completely unfunny?
@Violet:
Will this game go to eleven?
Midnight. They all have. As if baseball games weren’t long enough, Fox s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s them out.
It’s one longer, isn’t it?
19.
Litlebritdiftrnt
I haven’t slept for days, I am so under stress from the impending trip. I have payroll taxes to do, I have bills to pay (both office and personal) without enough money to pay them, I have motions to file, I have to figure out how we are going to pay for the kennels for the dogs. I have to figure out what I am going to pack(so I have an empty suitcase full of food to come home with). I have to tell the boss not to speak to any clients while I am gone because to be honest he doesn’t know who they are or what their cases are about (and that can get embarrassing, he once introduced himself to a pair of clients while walking through the courthouse, “who were those people” me “they are your clients boss”) I am so stressed out that one phone call is going to ruin my whole trip home that it is almost not worth the trouble. I have to get an adapter so I can charge my cellphone while at home and I have to figure out how to make sure that the cats are fed and watered while we are gone, at this point I am really hoping that my plane goes down in a ball of flames over the Atlantic. I am sure that once I am home things will be fine but right now I just wish it was over with.
20.
Liquid
@Schlemizel: Thursday Commercial Night – interrupted with brief moments of footballing.
Not to clutter up this baseball thread (“Down in front!”), but there’s a comment for you re The Nose/William Kentridge at the unspooled end of the “I love you Suzanne” thread.
You can read it during one of the many, many, many commercial breaks.
28.
Wally Ballou
Tie game.
29.
Yatsuno
@Litlebritdiftrnt: Dear heart, BREATHE. Everything will be fine and whatever isn’t will take care of itself. You should be focusing on family and long departed friends and getting your hubby registered with the NHS and such.
30.
different-church-lady
OK, so David Ortiz is 10 for 13 so far in this series.
If he gets another two at bats in this game, another four in each of game six and game seven, and doesn’t get another hit, he’s going to finish the series hitting .650 .500
Gotta be #1 candidate for MVP as of this point.
(Edited for math fail)
31.
different-church-lady
@Litlebritdiftrnt: No stress quite like impending trip stress — deep breaths. It’s anxiety, it’s normal, it’s going to be okay.
A player for the losing team in the Stanley Cup finals has won the Conn Smythe Trophy (playoff MVP) several times, IIRC….Hextall did it for the Flyers in the late 1980s, and Glenn Hall for St. Louis back in the 1960s. Maybe Roger Crozier for Detroit, also in the ’60s? Think there may have another such case or two, as well.
Conn Smythe award is supposed to account for the entire post-season, not just the finals ~ but I think all the players who have won it have played for a team that made the finals.
35.
Gin & Tonic
@efgoldman: 1960. Pirates beat Yankees with a walk-off homer in Game 7 by Mazeroski.
1) VERIZON HALLOWEEN CANDY
Why in hell does the girl say, “Seriously, even the dog!” It makes NO SENSE. And who the fuck plots their Halloween route? I know this is tongue in cheek, but it just comes off as irritating.
I love this ad. The teenaged girl is complaining to her friend that her dorky parents insisted on the entire family dressing up, “even the dog”. But what makes the ad for me is that it’s showing a completely over-the-top geek family….who’s black. And that’s presented as no big deal. I can look at it and think that would totally be my family if I was a kid today, which is awesome.
@Karen in GA: Bucholz isn’t pitching, so it won’t be QUITE as long.
38.
YellowJournalism
@Darkrose: Plus, you have to admit those costumes are pretty fucking awesome.
39.
Litlebritdiftrnt
@Yatsuno: @different-church-lady: A friend of mine said today it is like moving, you will never be more stressed, but once the move is done you are fine. My main stress is that the boss will talk to a client while I am gone, that would be a complete disaster. I am sure that once wheel hits the ground in the UK I will be able to disengage my brain and my main focus will be where to get at meat and potato pie chips and peas, tea, bread and butter will completely overwhelm everything else.
40.
different-church-lady
@Litlebritdiftrnt: I usually start to relax about an hour into the flight, when suddenly there’s nothing I can do other than kill time for the first time in days.
41.
different-church-lady
Holy crap — Drew didn’t strike out.
42.
different-church-lady
Perfect — he gets the run home before the pitcher’s spot comes up.
Obviously, you didn’t keep track of who in your neighborhood gave out full-size candy bars and who gave out pennies year-to-year. Right around the age of 10 or so is when you start trying to get maximum candy for minimum (walking) effort.
45.
different-church-lady
@Mnemosyne (iPhone): No. We just went down the block, took whatever was offered, said thank you no matter what it was, and didn’t act like little snots.
And I’m so damn old I come from an era where the parents stayed home.
different-church-lady
“WHO WILL FEEL FATE’S SHOVE?”
Joe Buck actually said that during the introduction.
different-church-lady
So, how the heck do you strike out six batters by the end of the second inning and still be behind a run?
Redshirt
I ebb and flow from Sox victory to crushing defeat.
dedc79
hate both teams but the games have been entertaining
Karen in GA
@different-church-lady:
That’s beautiful, in a what-if-David-St.-Hubbins-announced-baseball-games sort of way.
hilts
@different-church-lady:
You think that’s bad. Check this out:
“The walk on the wild side has ended.” – 1st line from Billboard’s obit of Lou Reed
http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/5770568/lou-reed-rock-n-roll-iconoclast-dead-at-71
Go Red Sox!
different-church-lady
@Karen in GA: Trust me, that was just the highlight of a segment that was so purple it would make a blacklight poster glow.
raven
A horrible NFL matchup last Monday, he Giants-Vikings game outdrew the First World Series game.
SiubhanDuinne
@different-church-lady:
Yeah, well, McCarver said “The team that goes to Boston with a 3-2 lead will have an advantage.”
Also, too, the future lies ahead.
Violet
@Karen in GA: Will this game go to eleven?
different-church-lady
@SiubhanDuinne: Even Buck had to needle him after that one.
SiubhanDuinne
@different-church-lady:
McCarver is infinitely needleable.
Liquid
Baseball?! Fuck that, go Hawks!
rikyrah
Go Red Sox!
Schlemizel
@SiubhanDuinne:
My favorite of Captain Obvious stupidity came years ago during the Minnesota state hockey tournament. The game was tied after regulation and as overtime was starting the announced stated, “the next goal is going to be critical!”
Oh really?!?
Schlemizel
@efgoldman:
Gotta have 5 minutes of commercials between every half inning.
different-church-lady
@efgoldman: Ah, the perfect segue into something that’s been building up over the past 4 days…
D-C-L’S COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO ANNOYING TECH COMMERCIALS ON THE 2013 WORLD SERIES
1) VERIZON HALLOWEEN CANDY
Why in hell does the girl say, “Seriously, even the dog!” It makes NO SENSE. And who the fuck plots their Halloween route? I know this is tongue in cheek, but it just comes off as irritating.
2) APPLE 5S LIQUID METAL THINGY
I’m a huge fan of Apple products, but I am in hate this new 1%/99% product line split they decided on for some insane reason, and the first time I saw this spot I thought it was a Lexus commercial or something. In the Steve Jobs “this is shit/this is amazingly great” dichotomy I’m sure it would have been the first when they ran it by him.
3) T-MOBILE “JEREMY IN EUROPE” SERIES
Stupid scenario, bad acting. ‘Nuf ced. (*And besides, JEREMY HAS A FUCKING PHONE! JUST CALL HIM!!! ARE YOU THE DUMBEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD?!?)
4) EVERY SINGLE DOG-DAMNED GOOGLE AD
They have more money than God and Oprah combined. Why did they hire some fly-by night ad agency with a couple of camcorders and a stock footage license? Hideous. Just… inexplicably amateurish. Reminds me of the internal corporate crap I used to do in the 80s. Plus it looks like they just bought some five year old white MacBooks, scraped the Apple logos off and then still expected everyone to fall in love with their third-way uniqueness or something.
AND BONUS GRIPE: RON BURGANDY FOR DODGE
Am I the only one who finds nearly everything Will Farrell does completely unfunny?
*(OK, I guess not ‘nuf ced…)
Karen in GA
@efgoldman:
It’s one longer, isn’t it?
Litlebritdiftrnt
I haven’t slept for days, I am so under stress from the impending trip. I have payroll taxes to do, I have bills to pay (both office and personal) without enough money to pay them, I have motions to file, I have to figure out how we are going to pay for the kennels for the dogs. I have to figure out what I am going to pack(so I have an empty suitcase full of food to come home with). I have to tell the boss not to speak to any clients while I am gone because to be honest he doesn’t know who they are or what their cases are about (and that can get embarrassing, he once introduced himself to a pair of clients while walking through the courthouse, “who were those people” me “they are your clients boss”) I am so stressed out that one phone call is going to ruin my whole trip home that it is almost not worth the trouble. I have to get an adapter so I can charge my cellphone while at home and I have to figure out how to make sure that the cats are fed and watered while we are gone, at this point I am really hoping that my plane goes down in a ball of flames over the Atlantic. I am sure that once I am home things will be fine but right now I just wish it was over with.
Liquid
@Schlemizel: Thursday Commercial Night – interrupted with brief moments of footballing.
Steeplejack
@raven:
Yeah, too bad there was no World Series game last Monday.
We get that you don’t like baseball, but why do you feel the need to come in and shit on the rug? FIDO, as you like to say.
Gin & Tonic
@different-church-lady: Am I the only one who finds nearly everything Will Farrell does completely unfunny?
No.
Liquid
@Gin & Tonic: “Bud Light, suck one.”
SiubhanDuinne
@Schlemizel:
This is why I prefer to watch sports events with the mute button fully engaged.
different-church-lady
@efgoldman: Almost double.
Steeplejack
@different-church-lady:
“Jeremy in Europe.” I agree, but I find the “You want something?” “Yeah, fix me” bit hilarious.
handsmile
@SiubhanDuinne:
Not to clutter up this baseball thread (“Down in front!”), but there’s a comment for you re The Nose/William Kentridge at the unspooled end of the “I love you Suzanne” thread.
You can read it during one of the many, many, many commercial breaks.
Wally Ballou
Tie game.
Yatsuno
@Litlebritdiftrnt: Dear heart, BREATHE. Everything will be fine and whatever isn’t will take care of itself. You should be focusing on family and long departed friends and getting your hubby registered with the NHS and such.
different-church-lady
OK, so David Ortiz is 10 for 13 so far in this series.
If he gets another two at bats in this game, another four in each of game six and game seven, and doesn’t get another hit, he’s going to finish the series hitting
.650.500Gotta be #1 candidate for MVP as of this point.
(Edited for math fail)
different-church-lady
@Litlebritdiftrnt: No stress quite like impending trip stress — deep breaths. It’s anxiety, it’s normal, it’s going to be okay.
Gin & Tonic
@efgoldman: Bobby Richardson.
different-church-lady
@efgoldman: Happens much more often in hockey (five times) because the MVP award is for the entire playoffs, not just the finals.
Otherwise, near as I can tell, once in baseball, once in basketball, once in the Super Bowl.
I don’t think he’ll get it if the Sox lose, unless it’s something like an extra-innings 7th game.
Mayim
@efgoldman:
A player for the losing team in the Stanley Cup finals has won the Conn Smythe Trophy (playoff MVP) several times, IIRC….Hextall did it for the Flyers in the late 1980s, and Glenn Hall for St. Louis back in the 1960s. Maybe Roger Crozier for Detroit, also in the ’60s? Think there may have another such case or two, as well.
Conn Smythe award is supposed to account for the entire post-season, not just the finals ~ but I think all the players who have won it have played for a team that made the finals.
Gin & Tonic
@efgoldman: 1960. Pirates beat Yankees with a walk-off homer in Game 7 by Mazeroski.
Here’s a funny pic a guy I know has sent around, of not Mike Napoli http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c8/Doku_Umarov2.jpg
Darkrose
@different-church-lady:
I love this ad. The teenaged girl is complaining to her friend that her dorky parents insisted on the entire family dressing up, “even the dog”. But what makes the ad for me is that it’s showing a completely over-the-top geek family….who’s black. And that’s presented as no big deal. I can look at it and think that would totally be my family if I was a kid today, which is awesome.
Darkrose
@Karen in GA: Bucholz isn’t pitching, so it won’t be QUITE as long.
YellowJournalism
@Darkrose: Plus, you have to admit those costumes are pretty fucking awesome.
Litlebritdiftrnt
@Yatsuno: @different-church-lady: A friend of mine said today it is like moving, you will never be more stressed, but once the move is done you are fine. My main stress is that the boss will talk to a client while I am gone, that would be a complete disaster. I am sure that once wheel hits the ground in the UK I will be able to disengage my brain and my main focus will be where to get at meat and potato pie chips and peas, tea, bread and butter will completely overwhelm everything else.
different-church-lady
@Litlebritdiftrnt: I usually start to relax about an hour into the flight, when suddenly there’s nothing I can do other than kill time for the first time in days.
different-church-lady
Holy crap — Drew didn’t strike out.
different-church-lady
Perfect — he gets the run home before the pitcher’s spot comes up.
Redshirt
Sox lead. Lester, bring it home!
Mnemosyne (iPhone)
@different-church-lady:
Obviously, you didn’t keep track of who in your neighborhood gave out full-size candy bars and who gave out pennies year-to-year. Right around the age of 10 or so is when you start trying to get maximum candy for minimum (walking) effort.
different-church-lady
@Mnemosyne (iPhone): No. We just went down the block, took whatever was offered, said thank you no matter what it was, and didn’t act like little snots.
And I’m so damn old I come from an era where the parents stayed home.
Redshirt
@efgoldman: Looking good! Keep it going Lester, deliver it to Koji in the late 8th.
different-church-lady
[blink]
David Oritz just beat out a ground ball.
[blink blink]
different-church-lady
GODZILLA!!!!
Mike E
@different-church-lady: Oh no, there goes Tokyo, go go Godzilla
Mike E
And the StL fans hold up a KKK sign.
Redshirt
Sox win!
Wally Ballou
Uehara: Mariano Mk II?
hilts
Thank You Jon Lester!!
Mike E
@efgoldman: Sir, you are a jape slayer.
ETA hang out at The Good Phight where we fete the Phils, and snark the shit outa each other.
burnspbesq
@SiubhanDuinne:
Look on the bright side, y’all. McCarver has no more than two games left in his career.
burnspbesq
Shulman and Hersheiser have been very good on ESPN Radio.
Rorgg
@Schlemizel: Not ALWAYS. Sometimes, you get 2 minutes of God Blessing America and tiny flag-waving and then 3 minutes of commercials.
Rorgg
@efgoldman:
And undeniably, the Yankees played better over the course of the series:
NYY 4 – 6 Pit
NYY 16 – 3 Pit
Pit 0 – 10 NYY
Pit 3 – 2 NYY
Pit 5 – 2 NYY
NYY 12 – 0 Pit
And then Pittsburgh wins 10-9 on a walkoff in game 7. I mean, they got outscored 55-27, that’s pretty overwhelming, You can understand the shock.