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You are here: Home / Oh, Hell No

Oh, Hell No

by | 87 Comments

This post is in: 

I don’t even care about clothes or fashion, yet this offends me:

fuckthatbullshit

As Ian Boudreau puts it (dunno how to link to FB comments):

A comprehensive list of times when it is appropriate to wear one of these:

1) You are on a huge stage playing “HIghway to Hell” for 20,000 screaming fans.

End of list.

I look at someone in that and all I can think is “PUNCHABLE.” And don’t tell me I have anger issues. If you don’t want to punch someone wearing that you are the one with the issues, not me.

Reader Interactions

87Comments

  2. 2.

    pseudonymous in nc

    I’d add:

    2) You are a resident of Bermuda, in Bermuda.

    But Bermuda shorts have to be contrasting.

    A friend just got invited to a wedding where the dress code for men suggested formal shorts. This is clearly a thing and needs to be stopped.

  5. 5.

    ulee

    From Barfly:
    Wanda: “I can’t stand people. Do you hate them?”
    Henry: “No, but I seem to feel better when they’re not around.”

    and as an added bonus:
    Henry: “So what do you do?”
    Wanda: “I drink.”

  6. 6.

    YellowJournalism

    Wow, those look like they can go from business to fetish with a few small changes and a giant lollipop. A must-have for conservatives this summer!

  10. 10.

    Anne Laurie

    @Joey Maloney:

    I don’t have the calves for it otherwise…

    Not one man in a million has the calves for “it”. That’s why the Scots accessorize their kilts with knee-high, heavyweight socks (which also provide a convenient scabbard for the weapon you will need to defend yourself from people who find the very phrase “formal shorts” an abomination).

  11. 11.

    Arclite

    I dunno, I’m kind of annoyed that while the black dude is wearing Italian wool, the guy wearing Japanese chambray has to be Asian.

  12. 12.

    Arclite

    Of course shorts and a flowered shirt are business wear in Hawaii. We just don’t use ties out here. Except at funerals.

  16. 16.

    Elizabelle

    Global warming inspired fashion?

    You could look spiffy climbing in and out of watercraft, traveling through the flooded streets.

  17. 17.

    Amir Khalid

    Mind you, Angus Young isn’t wearing Bermuda shorts. His signature outfit is an Aussie school uniform.

  18. 18.

    Major Major Major Major (formerly J.Ty)

    And yes, Cole, of course you’re overreacting. Well, I guess the actual overreaction would be crossing the line from “thinking ‘punchable'” to “actually punching”, but still, thinking ‘punchable’ when faced with non-normative clothing is a little… I don’t want to say homophobic, but there’s a word around here somewhere for that, and it’s not a positive one.

  21. 21.

    TheMightyTrowel

    @trollhattan: I can’t answer for Canada (harper has been a blot on their otherwise Moose-tastic landscape for far too long) but polls suggest that most of us are finally pretty humiliated by Abbott and those of use on the left are still headdesking over the election results last year.

  22. 22.

    NotMax

    Several items which caught the eye.

    The number of ‘security requests’ growing like Topsy on steroids.

    Google’s most recent transparency report showed 27,477 requests for use data from governments and courts around the world in the second half of last year. The US accounted for 38%, or 10,574 requests.
     
    AT&T, the largest US phone company, received 301,816 demands for information from US federal, state and local courts in 2013. It had 22 requests from outside the US.
     
    Verizon Communications had 321,545 subpoenas, orders and warrants last year, and more than 1,000 national security letters. It said outside the US, Germany made the most inquiries at almost 3,000, followed by France at 1,347 and Belgium at 473.
     
    In the 12-months ended March 31, Vodafone’s Italian unit had 605,601 requests for phone use location, call length and other meta-data. Source

    In other news:

    There’s a new twist in a case that has shown a bright, unflattering spotlight on India’s crimes against women. Two teenage girls found hanging from mango trees in Uttar Pradesh may have in fact been the victim of “honor slayings,” police say.
    [snip]
    The state’s Chief Secretary Alok Ranjan dubbed rape as a “trivial incident” and said the crime should not be blown out of proportions [sic]. Source

    And, Brit comedian Rik Mayall dies at 56. Like or loathe his comedy, he was a groundbreaker.

  23. 23.

    NotMax

    Frankly, they both look like overage British schoolboys. On the other hand, anything is an improvement over saggers.

  26. 26.

    Fred

    They would be just adorable with a bow tie and a cute hat, maybe a beanie copter. And why not go the whole nine and make the jackets short sleeve too.
    Somehow brings to mind a 1970 “Look Magazine” prediction of fashions of the future. Not that they predicted anything quite that silly but they tried.

  27. 27.

    Montarvillois

    The designers can charge the same or more for this nouveau “business wear” concoction and save some money on fabric. Bonus, no bothersome hemming required.

  30. 30.

    Splitting Image

    I look at someone in that and all I can think is “PUNCHABLE.” And don’t tell me I have anger issues. If you don’t want to punch someone wearing that you are the one with the issues, not me.

    Well, it makes a switch from advocating violence against women who show too much leg, but I’m damned if I can tell the difference.

  33. 33.

    Viva BrisVegas

    This is a fashion outrage.

    Who ever heard of formal shorts without long white socks and leather sandals?

  34. 34.

    Keith G

    Wow.

    Except for Raven, this seems like a collective pout of “Get off my lawn!!”

  36. 36.

    WaterGirl

    @Elizabelle: @WereBear: That’s the great thing about BJ, if you read through the comments there’s usually someone who has already said what you wanted to.

    Global warming!

  38. 38.

    J R in WV

    How many of us are at the top of our form at 2:37 am?

    John isn’t threatening to punch these nice looking guys, just blowing up at the unbelievable thing some fashion designer put them in. The fashion designer here is the person who is committing fashion crime. The photog is an accessory before the fact.

    I will allow that in the tropics this would pass for formal attire at a funeral or in court. Once Climate Change has done its work we can revisit where the tropics are – if Bethany and points north become tropical, perhaps we will all be wearing different stuff.

    I personally am a tee-shirt with shorts person, rather than suit-coat. The heavy wool top seems to undo all that is accomplished with the shorts… aside from how it looks, which NO salesman could pass off to me as “What everyone is wearing these days!”

    How about a nice side dish of plaids and stripes?

  39. 39.

    revrick

    Let’s see. The top half says business and the bottom half says beach. Isn’t that like putting whipped cream on a porterhouse steak?

  40. 40.

    RSA

    I used to wear a gray wool suit with short pants. I hated it, but a four-year-old didn’t have much say in getting dressed up back in the 1960s. (The wool was scratchy.)

  41. 41.

    Chyron HR

    “My feet are soaked, but my cuffs are bone-dry! Everything’s coming up Milhouse!”

  43. 43.

    lorimakesquilts

    Hahaha. My 75 year old mother has a picture college picture with a friend in the same outfit. Funny then, funny now.

  45. 45.

    Bobby Thomson

    @J R in WV:

    John isn’t threatening to punch these nice looking guys, just blowing up at the unbelievable thing some fashion designer put them in.

    Bull fucking shit.

    If you don’t want to punch someone wearing that you are the one with the issues, not me.

  46. 46.

    Lee

    As a Dad with 2 teenage daughters I’ve had to have a high tolerance for odd fashion. I’m not sure I was go so far as to it being punchable, but it is certainly in the point-and-laugh category.

  48. 48.

    big ole hound

    Hey it looks better than jeans, which seem to be OK for everything here in CA.

  49. 49.

    Ash Can

    Not punchable, but if I were in a business setting and someone walked in wearing that, I’d bust out laughing. And if I were in charge, I’d make him go home and change.

  51. 51.

    schrodinger's cat

    I kinda like shorts of that length for me, not too short, not too long. In fact that and some loose shirt was my uniform on my India trip, last month. Comfortable, but not sloppy or scandalous.

  52. 52.

    sparrow

    eh, both those guys would look super hot in pretty much anything. OTOH, normal people would look pretty dang stupid. I dislike shorts + jacket for the same reason I dislike women’s shirts with collars but no sleeves — it looks totally unbalanced as far as distribution of fabric.

    But I find conventional clothing to be boring — who gives a crap what you wear as long as it is comfortable, and not insanely distracting (for professional environments anyway).

  54. 54.

    shelley

    Global warming inspired fashion?

    My thoughts exactly.

    Why do they look so Little Lord Fauntleroy rather than Summer Postal Worker?

  57. 57.

    Roman

    As noted in the first two comments, this is standard office wear in Bermuda, where I grew up – BUT, they aren’t wearing the proper socks, black in colour and extending to just below the knees.

  59. 59.

    Bill D.

    @debbie: Hey, men have been wearing skirts in various cultures around the world for thousands of years. See for example Fiji, Samoa, and Myanmar. Don’t forget ancient Egypt.

  62. 62.

    EthylEster

    JC wrote: I look at someone in that and all I can think is “PUNCHABLE.” And don’t tell me I have anger issues. If you don’t want to punch someone wearing that you are the one with the issues, not me.

    I guess you are joking. But seriously, dude, you might want to dial it back a bit.
    Rage is not a solution for everything.

  64. 64.

    shortstop

    @EthylEster: See, I don’t hear any rage in his voice. Only hyperbole for the purpose of making a point. It’s weird that people — maybe new readers here? — seem to think he’s truly angry.

  66. 66.

    schrodinger's cat

    @Bill D.: True, both the dhoti and the saree can be worn in several different ways. There is a lot a regional variation. There are two main variations though, the cloth (sari or dhoti) goes around your waist like either a skirt or like pants. In general Saris are longer because they have to cover the top half too.

  70. 70.

    Lawrence

    It’s going to be 107 in Phoenix today. It’s 84 now, at 8am, and that feels lovely. So I can tell you the problem with a suit in hot weather is not confined to the pants length. It’s the jacket, the shirtsleeves, the choke collar and tie. And the car. Yes, you need one to get anywhere here. The inside of mine is all black plastic and black leather. Add 10 to 20 degrees to the ambient temperature when it’s been baking for eight hours.

  72. 72.

    Tractarian

    If you lived in a sub-tropical climate and had a job with a dress code, I guarantee you would feel differently.

  73. 73.

    Spinoza Is My Co-pilot

    @Tractarian:

    If you lived in a sub-tropical climate and had a job with a dress code, I guarantee you would feel differently.

    I live and work in the Valley of the Sun (aka, “Joe Arpaio County”) which has a sub-tropical climate in a “really fucking hot though they say it’s a dry heat” way. And I guarantee no one here would even think of wearing anything like these ridiculous outfits for work.

    Well, maybe not quite no one – I had a field technician (commercial & industrial building construction) who actually showed up at a job-site a few years back wearing some sort of matching top with shorts get-up. Never saw anything like it before or since. Told him to go home and change and never show up dressed like that again.

    A grown-ass man in our culture should wear long pants to work, period. You’re not a child any longer, which is what you look like in shorts (I’m enough of a curmudgeon to find that the case even outside of work, unless you’re at the beach or pool or engaged in some sporting activity requiring shorts, like basketball or tennis or some damn thing like that).

    Now put your fucking pants on and get off my lawn!

  74. 74.

    Mnemosyne

    @Spinoza Is My Co-pilot:

    There are a few guys at my office who wear shorts to work. But (A) we have a (very) casual workplace and (B) they wear cargo shorts or similar long shorts (basically knee-length khakis) with a t-shirt or polo shirt, not a suit jacket.

    It’s the jacket that makes it look weird, like you’re trying to pretend you didn’t have an accident on the L-train that ripped your pants off below the knee. If you’re going to wear shorts, freakin’ wear shorts and don’t put an apologetic suit jacket over them.

  75. 75.

    Anoniminous

    High end, high fashion, retailers are salivating at the – in their eyes – “under served” men’s market. That their offerings make the wearer look like a prat and no man in his right mind would buy them has yet to cross their little minds.

  77. 77.

    Robert

    Perfectly appropriate attire for a cosplayer doing a school uniform costume at a convention. Actual business attire? Nope.

  80. 80.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    I don’t know. The *only* think I can think of these as being appropriate for is visiting the “headmistress” who is going to inform you that if you’ve been acting like a child, she’s going to *treat* you like a child, so drop those trousers, you naughty boy.

    Which, while titillating for them as into that stuff, isn’t the impression I assume the designers are looking for.

    (The worst part – the cuffs at the end of the jacket sleeves. They’re not even apparently wearing short-sleeved shirts!)

  81. 81.

    Anne Laurie

    @debbie:

    Not as bad as when they tried to introduce skirts for men back in the 1980s

    Hey, skirts (sarongs) make total sense in hot weather. You get the advantage of air flow, without sticking to the chair (or getting sand in sensitive places) when you sit down. And properly cut, a skirt spares everyone else a view of one’s overhanging paunch, bowlegs, knobbly knees, hairy calves…

  82. 82.

    Joel

    @Tractarian: IIRC, men are obligated to wear pants in Thailand and other parts of SE Asia, and I would argue that their climate is more tropical than sub-.

  83. 83.

    schrodinger's cat

    @Joel: In India too, where I was for the last three weeks, men wear pants at work, temperatures were in the 80s and 90s with almost 100% humidity. Short sleeved shirts were OK and no ties or jackets.

  87. 87.

    sherifffruitfly

    what i find weirdest about this is that they specifically chose chicken-wing-legged dudes for the pics.

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