From the pastor of one of the gun-toting teabaggers:
Massachusetts Congressman Gerry Studds was the sodomite homosexual pedophile who was publicly censured for sodomizing minors.
Massachusetts Senator Barney Franks is also a sodomite homosexual but was not the one charged with these crimes.
Who says there are no intellectually honest conservatives?
(h/t reader R)
Update. Steven L. Anderson is just being the best Steven L. Anderson that Steven L. Anderson knows how to be.
Leelee for Obama
Me, me, me!
David Hunt
I love the fact that even the correction got the house of Congress (no pun intended) that Franks serves in.
dmsilev
Oh my.
In vaguely related news, The Onion predicts the next right-wing crusade: Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama’s Placenta. I give it about 3 weeks before this happens for real.
-dms
JGabriel
Franks and Studds (like we couldn’t tell from those names) are both sodomite homosexuals? As opposed to non-sodomite homosexuals? Are the non-sodomite variety better? Or worse?
.
freelancer
@dmsilev:
I’m fuzzy on the math here, would it be BHO’s placenta? or Stanley Anne Dunham’s?
General Winfield Stuck
You know what they say. You can take the sodomizing pedophile out of the wingnut, but you can’t take the teabagger out of the sodomizing pedopile, or is it gun.
I swear it makes sense while humming “Let the Eagle Soar”.
Shit, you know what I mean, also.
Mike G
Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama’s Placenta
“All we are asking is that the president produce a sample of his fetal membranes and vessels—preferably along with a photo of the crowning and delivery—and this will all be over,” said former presidential candidate and Afterbirthers spokesman Alan Keyes, later adding that his organization would be willing to settle for a half-liter of maternal cord plasma.
LOL!
dmsilev
@freelancer: Well, to quote from the article,
-dms
Zifnab
What? No shout out to his main man Marky-Mark the Folenator?
All I’m saying is that, with all these sodomite homosexuals running around Washington, it’s hard to figure out which ones are evil Satan spawn and which ones we’re supposed to donate tons of money toward.
How much you wanna bet the good pastor only made the mistake cause he was all jacked up on meth and hookers?
JGabriel
Gay sodomite homosexual hookers.
.
linda
Uh, barney frank is not a sodomite senator. He’ a congressman.
Woodrow "asim" Jarvis Hill
@dmsilev: Nice to see The Onion finally catching up to reality.
pika
Someone please return to me the 30 minutes I spent on the Pastor’s church website. His body language is unbelievable.
Steve V
I like that Kohlmann guy in the vid.
oh really
@dmsilev:
I must have missed something. Have they already given up the quest for the FOTPOTUS (aka the presidential foreskin)?
Unrelated aside —
Literally? I knew a twelve year-old boy once who literally played with fire. And he literally burned his house to the ground.
Don’t people know what “literally” means anymore?
SGEW
@oh really:
Joe Biden does! He learned! Bless his heart.
General Winfield Stuck
metaphor for inciting violence.
freelancer
@oh really:
They are clueless. They literally don’t have a single clue.
Donald G
Grrr. The Congressman’s name is Barney Frank, not “Barney Franks”. Perhaps the fact-challenged pastor is confusing the congressman with General Tommy Franks, or it’s a Freudian slip to the pastor’s own obsession with hotdogs.
oh really
“it’s playing with fire…” or “he’s playing with fire…” may be a metaphor for inciting violence.
“it literally is playing with fire” is just factually incorrect.
Obviously, this isn’t a big deal (which is why I called it an aside), but I’ve noticed people using the word “literally” in some pretty preposterous sentences.
For example:
“I literally starved to death.”
Tonal Crow
@linda:
Senators *are* congressmen (or -women). The proper term is “Representative”, as in “House of Representatives”.
General Winfield Stuck
Yes, but so is just saying “playing with fire” as are most metaphors. I think what he was trying to say is that we have already seen acts of violence recently from people who listen to this incendiary speech and tacking on the “literally” was a way of doing this. Instead of just the maybe possibly it could, that “playing with fire” imparts.
mistermix
I love “sodomite homosexual”, as if the adjective isn’t redundant. I guess if you’re attracted to the same sex but can’t get laid, you’re an “aspiring homosexual”.
SGEW
@mistermix:
Like “non-practicing homosexual”?
(Common rejoinder: “I don’t need to practice: I’m damned good at it!”)
Tonal Crow
@oh really:
I also dislike this usage, because it robs the language of the critical distinction between fact and metaphor simply to create yet another all-purpose intensifier, as if we lacked for those. In more cynical, paranoid moments I wonder whether such linguistic perversions often originate with those whose political success hinge upon blurring the distinction between reality and myth. And you know who those are.
Donald G
@mistermix:
“I love “sodomite homosexual”, as if the adjective isn’t redundant. I guess if you’re attracted to the same sex but can’t get laid, you’re an “aspiring homosexual”.”
Either aspiring or “non-practicing” .
cmorenc
Why are there only “sodomite” homosexuals but no “gomorrah” homosexuals?
General Winfield Stuck
@cmorenc:
I was co-opted by horny missionaries. Or the ever popular Navelramba.
arguingwithsignposts
@cmorenc:
Because the Gomorrites weren’t into anal play.
As for Stephen L. Anderson, I say this with the sincerity of someone who once studied the Christian scriptures in grad school: Go fuck yourself. You have learned nothing from all your reading of that book.
arguingwithsignposts
@Tonal Crow: @oh really:
I do think I’m correct in saying these asshats literally lack the brains necessary to function in modern society.
Chad N Freude
@JGabriel:
As opposed to sodomite heterosexuals.
Regarding “literally playing with fire”, this misuse of “literally” is so common it’s almost universal. “Literally” is the new “virtually”. So I guess it’s literally universal. A tribute to our educational system.
CalD
I just have to laugh (again) when I think of all the Obama kids who lectured me throughout the democratic primaries about all the political drama and vitriol that a Clinton in the Whitehouse would inspire (but of course an Obama presidency would not).
Corner Stone
@CalD: He’s post-partisan and post-racial.
Didn’t you get the memo?
Corner Stone
@JGabriel:
That reminds me. May not be on the threads much tonight.
cmorenc
@CalD
If you think the vitriol and scurrilous crap the wingnuts are throwing at Obama’s been far worse than anything his idealistic supporters expected, it’s but a mild drizzle in a gentle zephyr compared to the landfalling cat-3 hurricane if they had madame President Hillary Clinton to blow bilious craw at.
cmorenc
er…craw == crap. Darn. But a Prez Hillary would do far worse to the wingnuts than merely stick in their craw.
Ash Can
Hey, I have absolutely no problem believing Steven Anderson is not advocating for the violent demise of the president. Likewise, I’d have no problem believing it would be purely coincidence if the IRS were to audit him and his church next week, find enough shit to make the Augean Stables look sterile, close the church, auction off the building and assets, and send Anderson up the river for 60 years.
tripletee
@Zifnab:
He only bought that meth to get it off the streets, and some of it accidentally got into his bloodstream while he was throwing it away. The resulting intoxication caused him to stumble and land mouth-first on that guy’s cock. Could happen to any good Christian warrior.
I can’t decide if that or 2 wetsuits, 1 dildo is my favorite church leader scandal of all time.
@CalD:
I always knew Obama would bring crazies out of the woodwork – my argument was that he would be less vulnerable to their nonsense because the electorate didn’t have a history with him like they did with Hillary, who was weighed down (unfairly) by years of rightwing propaganda. I still think that. But, I have to admit I’ve been impressed with just how creative the loonies have been with Obama.
Maybe when health care reform passes you’ll be able to find a doctor to remove that bitter pill lodged in your ass.
stinkwrinkle
@Tonal Crow: Heh. I used to know this guy, he’d heard the phrase “old as Methuselah”, and somehow, his little peabrain got the idea that “…as Methuselah” was a generic intensifying modifier. So, he’d say things like “(so-and-so) is as rich as Methuselah” or “it’s as cold as Methuselah out there!”. Normally, exposure to teh stupid makes me sad, but this is the kind of dumb that can bring joy to my heart. Indeed, it makes me as happy as Methuselah!
Debbie(aussie)
Thank you all so much. I really needed a good laugh.
kommrade reproductive vigor
I can’t tell. Meth & hookers or wetsuits and dildos?
@JGabriel: Better, because a non-sodomizing homosexual is repressing unholy urges and might eventually get desperate enough to put it in some lady parts.
The good pastwhore is also silent on sodomizing heterosexuals. Maybe he doesn’t know about it.
oh really
@Tonal Crow:
While I think the assault began before those whose identity we both know crawled out of the slime, they certainly are capable of adopting this as one more technique to destroy our ability to discuss anything rationally or responsibly.
chopper
@dmsilev:
as usual, the onion wins the internet.
Emma Anne
@stinkwrinkle:
Methuselah and hookers.
chopper
first off, why is it everyone remembers sodom and gemorrah, but nobody cares about zeboim and admah?
secondly, what is with the christian obsession with sodom and gemorrah anyways? they were guilty of being inhospitable. and the guy god decided was the only righteous dude around gave his virgin twin daughters up to a crowd of rowdy douchebags ‘to do with as they pleased’.
the whole story is wack.
arguingwithsignposts
@chopper:
The whole Old Testament is wack. Men sleeping with their daughters, fratricide, homicidal kings, adulterous kings, jackasses talking … the list goes on. If that was published as a novel in the early 20th century, it would have been banned in most states.
If they ever tried to make a real movie of it, it would get an NC-17.
Makewi
Barney Frank is not an attractive man. His homosexuality is between him and his constituents and him and his God. Whether or not he enjoys sodomy is not something that should be considered by anyone. Ever.
Epicurus
To the good pastor, a hearty Fuck You.
John T
That would be the world’s largest circuit party.