Instapundit barnacle and all-around insane person Ann Althouse, who yesterday explicitly asked if I was a member of Journolist, now seems miffed that I responded that no, I am not in fact nor ever was a member. Althouse, 26 June:
The Journolisters — including Cole? — must be desperately trying to discipline each other not to leak.
Althouse, 27 June:
Cole imagines that is all about him and, misreading, has an embarrassing hissy fit:
[N]o, Ann, I’m not on and never have been on JournOlist (why would anyone even begin to think I was on that?), and I am not trying to “discipline” or punish list members to not disclose more private emails.
Why would anyone even begin to think you were on the Journolist? Because you aren’t as famous as you seem to think you are. I just read a post of yours that was linked on Memeorandum as discussing an issue I was interested in. I don’t follow your blog. That’s why I put my little parenthetical — “including Cole?”— in question form. The subject of that sentence is, you should note, The Journolisters.
Ann apparently uses question marks in a manner different from every other English speaking person on the planet. The swirling vortex of crazy continues:
Let’s test Cole and the other performers of outrage about how they feel about illustrious leakers of the past. Deep Throat. Daniel Ellsberg. Please do your “honor”/”privacy” routine in that context.
Yes, Ann. Selectively releasing private out-of-context emails of citizens to get them fired for their personal opinions is exactly the same as the release of the Pentagon Papers and revealing a large criminal conspiracy at the White House.
I fully expect Althouse to now claim she was talking about Deep Throat the movie, and we just misunderstood her musings.
rnoble
Her use of punctuation is truly a wonder to behold.
demkat620
John, they have never had a sense of perspective. Do not feed the bear. Let it go. She’s just looking for hits.
Keith
Box wine to the rescue!
JGabriel
John Cole:
Oh Noez! You’ve responded to Ann again!
You know, John, if you keep this up, the vicious cycle of crazy will never end.
.
Violet
What does this even mean? She specifically asked if you were on Journolist and you responded that no, you were not and never have been. And she turns that into a comment about how famous you think you are? WTF is drinking?
Her line of thought is dashed. And we all know what unattached dashes do here at Balloon Juice.
RedKitten
So you’re responding to a crazy person as a way to warn us against never responding to a crazy person?
John. Just walk away, man. She can out-crazy you any day of the week and twice on Sunday, and we do not need her and her minions coming here and spilling their crazy all over the place — we just mopped, for crissakes!
naked lunch
It’s burning her up inside that a.) she wasn’t invited in the group, b.) they might be talking about her inside the group c.) she thinks the group is smarter than she is. Take your pick
Hunter Gathers
More wine, bartender.
AnotherBruce
@JGabriel:
Crazy Annie will be commenting on this thread in 3…..2……1
General Egali Tarian Stuck
Ann is the snapping turtle of bloggers. Once she sets her teeth in they stay set in till it thunders and lightenings, or so said my late great granny. And the below headline ain’t gonna end it, but should allowing for a lovely blossoming blog war. We could call the next thread, The Ann Althouses of the Fruit Loops, or some such.
The Truffle
I’m confused. Judging from the name of the list, wouldn’t you need to be a journalist to join?
neill
WHAT!!??1???
ANN ALTHOUSE WAS IN DEEP THROAT — the movie
???!!1?
or am i misreading you?
rnoble
@Violet: Also too, its worth pointing out that the structure of that paragraph makes it sound as though John’s relative lack of fame is the reason that people might think he was on the list.
SiubhanDuinne
John, you’ll feel much better — and so will I? — if you put up a thread with pictures of Tunch, Lily, Rosie, and your freshly-boiled kitchen.
dollared
John, you have my permission to feed the bear as much as you want, as long what I get out of it is of precision snark like that.
It seriously makes my dinner taste better just to sit back and watch.
The Dangerman
Talking about Deep Throat while the, um, header says “a Dingo ate my baby” is just wrong.
Violet
@rnoble:
Yeah, I think this says a lot more about Ann’s concern about her status and fame than anything else. What a weirdo.
Polish the Guillotines
Sorry, Cole. Title fail. This post should be called “Crazier than an Althouse rat.”
Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses.
Church Lady
Please don’t turn this blog into LGF, responding to every perceived insult. I’d like to think that you’re bigger than that.
brad
Hi Ann,
Since I know you’re reading these comments while you’re here I’d like to ask you to jump into the Debbie Schussel meltdown for added comedic benefit. Seriously, Ann, there’s attention being given out that’s not going to YOU. Plz fix this, kthxbai
i’m still not you,
brad
(sorry if this is too random for the tastes of the regulars.)
mikey
Fucking Althouse makes me want to drink cheap wine.
I don’t hang there anymore, but frankly Sadly, No! had the right approach to Ann’s lunacy.
Everybody there claimed to be Ann Althouse and they all just argued amongst themselves. It was pretty funny, and it truly lit her up…
mikey
General Egali Tarian Stuck
@SiubhanDuinne: Charlie doesn’t care about all this nonsense.
Mayken
@mikey: No I’m Sparticus!
meepmeep09
@mikey: I remember that mikey. Good times.
And like others have said, you’ll never win by replying to an obsessive narcissist. Just put on some music, at high volume if need be – I suggest “Mirror In The Bathroom” by English Beat – and go about your business.
Ming
Snort. Well, without taking sides here, I think it’s pretty clear that *someone* has embarrassed themselves. Gods.
Oh, and dollared — re: “precision snark.” I likes.
dslak
@mikey: I thought what lit Ann up was box wine.
Mike Kay (Team America)
Ann, nothing says desperation like marrying one of your stalkers
readers.MaryRC
@Violet: I can’t figure it out either. The second sentence starts off with “Because” implying that it’s some kind of explanation or answer to the first statement, but then it becomes a non sequitur.
Maybe you have to be drunk to understand it? What is her tipple these days? I seem to remember something about wine in a box …
Mayken
Weird! What phrase in “I am S p a r t i c u s!” gets u moderated?
dmsilev
If you’re really so bored that poking Althouse with a stick seems like fun, it’s probably time to take up an entertaining hobby like recreational shower grouting.
dms
max hats
Considering how dumb the “intellectual conservatives” are, it really shouldn’t be surprising just how stupid the normal ones are. And yet, somehow it is just so stunning.
The Truffle
@neill: Please. I just ate.
meepmeep09
Oh, and if you have breasts (or moobs) that stand out in any noticeable way – um, so to speak – keep that information private. Box Wine Lady has some kind of thing about that.
JGabriel
Polish the Guillotines:
Polish the Guillotines wins the thread.
.
brad
Hey mikey, how’s tricks? You’re sure you’re not Ann Althouse?
SiubhanDuinne
@General Egali Tarian Stuck:
Charlie totally has the right idea!
John Cole
For the record, nothing will top the Onion Ring.
dmsilev
@meepmeep09: I think she gets upset only when you meet Bill Clinton while in possession of visible mammary glands.
And remember, any discussion of onion rings in the context of female genitalia and the Clintons is Right Out. (Yes, seriously. I Am Not Making This Up).
dms
dmsilev
@John Cole: Seems we think alike.
That was a truly terrifying episode. The sort of mind that could look at an onion ring and think “Hillary is emasculating Bill” really cries out for a padded room.
dms
kay
Ugh. Can’t admit a mistake. What an embarrassingly dishonest walk-back.
She didn’t have to respond, either, but chose to.
If she’s not going to apologize for a stupid, conspiracy-theory assumption, she should just let it ride.
General Egali Tarian Stuck
@John Cole:
I think she was probly right on that one.
tim
John, your reaction to the entire Weigel email thing has been way over the top.
AND
Althouse is a loony box wine drinker.
both of those things can be true in the same coherent universe.
Dave Fud
That’s pretty funny that a blogspot blogger gets to decide who is famous. The only reason she is known at all is that she is obsessed with Clenis/Jessica Valenti breasts.
Whatever, Ann. Freaky is as freaky does.
RedKitten
Fuck the crazy, let’s just go eat ice cream.
Jeff Fecke
Hey, hey, hey. The onion ring’s got nothin’ on NIG.
And all of it pales in comparison to Althouse’s fixation with Jessica Valenti’s breasts.
John Cole
@RedKitten: You really need to do something about your facial hair and nails, Redkitten.
Gravenstone
@Church Lady:
Perceived slight? That drunken harridan conveniently forgets that she asked John a direct question whether he was ever a member of Journolist, then proceeds to reframe his reply as him being an attention whore. Nothing perceived about that slight dear lady. But then your own insight has never been in evidence on these pages.
Spencer
Ann Althouse is so batshit crazy that if someone put on a clown suit and ate a whole plate of batshit while honking their clown nose, and Ann Althouse was sitting there too, you’d say to the clown “she sure is batshit crazy, huh?”
Onihanzo
@Polish the Guillotines:
Get this to the Balloon Juice lexicon. Stat!
ann althouse
No, I am Ann Althouse, and I won’t be degraded by all these, what the hell are they anyway, PEOPLE doing THINGS that embarrass me because I AM Ann Althouse and you most certainly are not!!
SiubhanDuinne
@RedKitten: What a great photo! The essence of childhood summer.
SamKitten contines to grow up at an astonishing rate. Doesn’t he have his first birthday in about six weeks? He looks so much older than one year old.
I sometimes wonder what he’ll think in years to come when he reads all these random strange pseudonymous bloggers and commenters going “ooh ahh” over every new photo or anecdote.
srv
Crazy Cat Ladies – including Ann? – must be desperately trying to make sense of the world.
Quackosaur
No, you all seem to be missing what she was saying. When she said Cole, she meant Juan Cole. It’s irrelevant that she was talking about John Cole in the previous paragraph. Obviously, her super-intelligent readers would understand that she was referencing the former based on context. After all, everyone knows that John Cole is not a journalist; never mind that Juan Cole isn’t either.
Or something…
Polish the Guillotines
@ann althouse: (if that’s your real name)…
Nicely done: This is funny stuff.
Oh, and this can be interpreted in ways that require eyeball bleach:
curious
backpfeifengesicht.
Zach
I’ve never read someone call themselves an intellectual before.
Ed Marshall
It’s almost worse if she wrote the “including Cole?” as some sort of disparaging aside. It makes the whole thing stick of jealousy. She sees the group as A-list media and she’s glad to shut the whole thing down because it makes her feel bad to be a AA league blogger who wasn’t part of the club.
Ed Marshall
Which is sort of funny because it’s the inverse of Jeff Goldberg’s smarmy bullshit, where he wanted to take out JournoList because they were a bunch of blogger trash who didn’t like Big Media him and weren’t in his league with spots on Meet The Press.
I can’t decide which of them is more pathetic.
ann althouse
Well that’s just stupid.
It is me, um, I, it is I, ann althouse and I am CLEARLY more pathetic than both of them. Why, I make them look positively, er, goddam, whatsit, shit, you know, that thing where you’re, oh wait, I know WORTHLESS in their whole not me selves.
God damn it.
Where’s the damn wine..
wag
Which is why I always refer to Woodward, Bernstein and Cole as the Holy Trinity of American Journalism
BruceFromOhio
Soiling the linens before the third course, Jeebus Aitch Fracking Chistmas, you are never going to be invited to anything if you keep this up.
A counsel: lure them in further with easy fodder, then go for the main veins. Shooting at what moves is far too easy.
I weep for classic pr0n. Instant gratification is all the rage, with little appreciation for what makes a decent pr0n star. What hath the intertoobz wrought? Debbie Did Dallas, and the rest of the world went to YouPr0n. +sigh+
BruceFromOhio
@Spencer: I want this on my headstone.
brad
I, who am not Ann Althouse, am glad to see Ann Althouse, a person I am not, here to defend Ann Althouse, the un-me, against the assaults being levied against that being in which I do not partake, Ann Althouse. Ann Althouse, a person distinct from me, is too good for this place, which is not fully dedicated to Ann Althouse, whose awesomeness is not a part of me.
Btw Ann, I’m not you, sorry about that whole Facebook thing.
Kryptik
On a small tangent, I made the mistake of reading some of the more recent commends on the WaPo Ombudsman topic on the Weigel issue.
Good jesus christ god, 90% of the comments are about how WaPo is a liberal heathen coven and the only way they could ever be ‘balanced’ is to essentially be bought by Fox News. And these are the goddamn fuckers the paper listens to all the goddamn fucking time, never anyone fucking sane.
I fucking hate our media with the hate of a thousand suns.
Chris
The best answer I can come up with is that Althouse is a performance artist, a conservative who’s trying to build up a portfolio of ludicrous comments and arguments, which she can then stitch together into a grant application to the NEA, which she can then either whine about (if they reject it) as politically biased, or accuse of waste/fraud/abuse (if they give her money). Hey, it’s no crazier than her usual posts, right?
I mean, nobody’s that *genuinely* stupid, are they? Actually, on second thought…
SRW1
Considering that John Cole is so ‘unfamous’, it is sure curious how strongly the famous Ann Althaus felt compelled to ‘put him to the test’. Psychology is a bitch.
August J. Pollak
The best part is Ann comments in her own thread after someone mentions that there are likely conservative journalist listservs as well:
I know alcohol kills short term memory but Jesus, Ann. That’s some Rick James level shit right there.
TBogg
Using the Ann Althouse edition of Elements of Style:
Now, I’m not saying Althouse is a functional alcoholic, it’s just a side issue to be acknowledged but not pursued…
Allison W.
Hey Ann, you’re an idiot.
Thanks.
Ed Marshall
@Chris:
Althouse is a parody of critical legal theorists worst caricature of what legal education produces. That she got hired to teach at UW just makes it all look more like an elaborate in-joke.
Mark S.
Man, some of the comments over there:
Just as soon as they arrest Weigel for attempted murder.
Kryptik
@Mark S.:
Again, the tragedy of it all is that those folks are listened to at an infinitely higher rate than anyone even vaguely to the left is, as far as the media (and especially places like WaPo) are concerned.
It’s enough to make one tear their hair out. I should know, I’ve nearly torn out several clumps just reading that godawful Ombudsman’s comments section.
Mark S.
Also from the comments:
New tagline?
Allan
Ezra’s really going to have to find a better home as well.
Kryptik
@Mark S.:
I’ll admit to the foul-mouthed part wholeheartedly. Just look at my last few posts around here.
But I’m amused at the projection it takes to call us ‘Thugs’, all things considered. Seriously, considering the whole episode is essentially conservatives and right wingers being butthurt that someone covering them might not actually agree with them 159% of the time. I mean, under the standards, again, it’s like not being allowed to cover the KKK or Neo-Nazis without being a white supremacist yourself.
Far as the tagline – ‘Foul Mouthed Thuggin’?
Stiv Bator
FSCK that althouse,
I canna believe that she’s a law professor sucking the public tax teat.
(her latest tit obsession is hydrangias)
What made me write that first sentence was reading her post (thanks Cole for the link to her site-NOT), was her insanely stupid, ignorant post on Colorados med mar law.
It’s been 3 years since I had a tumor removed from my spinal cord and have nerve damage that has lamed a leg , atrophied the muscles and chronic pain, which the best doctors have tried to help. Anti seizure meds, opiates, even anti depressants, have been prescribed to me in various combinations, etc, to see if the pain can be managed.
I have found and w/ the docs blessing and script that med mar works well enough help cope with the pain.
It works, no if and or buts.
Althouse can go to hell, she’s a public employee with a influential soapbox, so I can tell her to fsck herself 20 times.
cokane
Ann Althouse has got be one of the most transparently ignorant people in the blogosphere. Don’t even bother reasoning with her. It seems with her, debate is more about strategy and manipulating language. It is not about searching for truth.
She also, often commits embarrassing mistakes on her blog that make her seem like the stereotype old-person-using-the-internet gag. It’s sad to watch. Even sadder to know she lived in the same metropolitan area as myself.
Allan
Charles Johnson:Pam Geller::John Cole:Ann Althouse
Allan
@Kryptik: Well, we’re all Obots, and you know he’s a Chicago-style thug and shakedown artist, so if the thug fits…
Ann Althouse
John, I hate to interrupt you during one of your magical tirades…but the wine is kicking in, John. John, the wine is kicking in, and I’ve just noticed something new: The name of your blog has two O’s in it. I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the “O” of an onion ring is a vagina symbol. Are the Os in “balloon” vagina symbols, John? Did you discuss naming your blog “BallOOn Juice” with Bill Clinton, John? Did you discuss it on JournoList?
I think of you when I’m naked, John.
fucen tarmal
@Mark S.:
nah man, i wrote that, i wanted to put in a plug.
scav
@RedKitten: problem is, sometimes the appreciating the crazy brings about exactly that look on my face. That is one happy child.
Polish the Guillotines
@Mark S.: Sweet. Awesome find. It should be in the rotating banner tags — but with a little editorial change…
Make it this:
And make it so, Mr. Cole.
Yutsano
@RedKitten: Obligatory SAMKITTEH!!
Is it a sign when you spend about half your shift web surfing and working at the same time? I’m pretty much the master of the multi-task that way. And yes I’m just filling up space until an open thread comes up.
Sirkowski
FUCK YEAH!
Spencer
@80 Ann Althouse
I doubt if any blogger will disagree with the assertion that the second O in Balloon is a gaping asshole (like the kind that might squeeze out Ann Althouse’s brains after eating a particularly large pile of cherries) and not a second vagina symbol.
NobodySpecial
So I’m to understand that Bill Clinton shoots onion rings when he comes? Does that make Monica’s white spot some form of ranch dressing?
Anyways. As Mr. James would say, ‘box wine, it’s one hell of a drug’.
goblue72
I just want to know if Ann has ever had sex with goats?
I’m not saying she did – I’m just asking the question.
Mister Papercut
So — not being all that familiar with Althouse before checking out the boobies and onion ring links in this thread — I take it that her schtick is to go completely bitchcakes at the slightest provocation? Is that in the ballpark?
Batocchio
Althouse’s response reminds me of McArdle. But whereas McArdle likes the “you guys, what I really meant was…” tactic, Althouse gets nastier, and tries a poker bluff – the problem isn’t her crappy writing, it’s your reading comprehension. (McArdle can be very nasty, too, but she occasionally begs for mercy, whereas Althouse is always in attack mode.)
Also, I think TBogg wins the thread.
Tattoosydney
Bah hah hah hah!
Seriously Ann, do you ever read the shit you write? You’re a comedy act, really, aren’t you? It’s all spoof.
Yutsano
@Tattoosydney: If you mean she’s more or less a total joke, then yes. The fact that she has a national audience is both disturbing and a bad thing for the US. And I want to go work for the government! WOOT!!
How’s things?
Tattoosydney
@Yutsano:
Hi honey.
I’m well. Back at work today after a week off sick. Still feeling crappy but getting there. And you?
asiangrrlMN
@Mister Papercut: You got it in one.
This thread is full of win. I will gladly accept the mantle of foul-mouth with honor and pride, even if a BJ’er did write that comment. However, I’ll leave the smearing to Ann, her onion rings, and her hapless hubby.
@General Egali Tarian Stuck: I’m with Charlie. Let’s just all sack out.
@RedKitten: He is certainly enjoying his ice cream soup, isn’t he?
Hi, FH# 1 & 2. What’s shaking?
Tattoosydney
@asiangrrlMN:
Hi sweet. You’d like it here atm. It’s COLD. Just got home after a fun filled day back at work.
asiangrrlMN
@Tattoosydney: It’s your winter, of course. I would love it there right now. I’m glad you’re feeling better. Hopefully, you’ll recover fully soon.
Ginger Yellow
“Cole imagines that is all about him”
Hahahahahaha. Best. Projection.Ever.
grumpy realist
And actually Ms. Althouse is supposedly quite good in her chosen area of law…..
Whatever. Proof positive that being excellent in one area doesn’t insulate you from being bug-stupid in all of the rest. (e.g. Ms. Althouse’s obsession with Clinton, onion rings, etc.)
(I’ve done stupid things in the past but at least I’ve never filmed myself while drunk and put it out on the Internet for all to see. Shall we say, not the most intelligent of actions to have done?)
Ash Can
@Mark S.:
Whoa. High praise.
And Ann Althouse is a walking, talking lesson on what happens to one’s brain when one drinks too much cheap alcohol. Scary.
debbie
Funny, I used to read her blog, but I noticed how thuggy and smear-filled her comments section had become after January 21, 2009. Not so far removed from Fox or RedState.
master c
You know what is hilarious? Her commenters thinks she is cruelly neutral. All her posts are about how Obama sucks. But she voted for him! Blah Blah…..wish I could stop reading.
over_educated
@Ash Can: Seriously, Balloon juice – you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy!
arguingwithsignposts
FFFUUUUUUUUU.
Ann is clearly not aware of all Internet traditions(tm), specifically Anonymous.
Svensker
I read her column and then I read about 20 responses (the gag reflex kicked in at that point) — none of them had any bearing in reality. Call me a naif, but… Ann makes up a story and then her readers all make up stuff in response? Very weird worldview these people have.
It’s so astonishing to me that I can’t even snark about these fucking assholes who I’ve heard fuck goats and hang out with known jihadists!
chopper
i’ll reiterate, althouse is a fucking moron.
now, with worser language skills!
TR
I’m still convinced Althouse is an elaborate practical joke.
I mean, a raging alcoholic with the intellect and maturity of a five year old? She’s a law professor? Riiiiight.
Dave S.
@over_educated: We must be cautious…
There really is nothing to be gained from engaging Althouse. Whatever she has written, your profound ignorance guarantees that you completely misunderstood her. She wants attention and page hits; she shall have none from me.
Tom Levenson
@grumpy realist: This is not actually so now, if it ever was.
She is rather evidence of the incredibly odd system of law school hiring, in which a good law review article or two stands in for other measures of competence of either scholarship or practice. This mode of hiring is not universal, but it is common enough that spectacular examples of error in faculty recruitment and retention do result. In the matter of A. Althouse, res ipsa loquitur.
Michael D.
I’m sure next time she will clarify by using a question mark.
The Other Chuck
Oh go skull fuck a kitten, Ann.
Just doing my best to keep our relevant search terms active.
Woodrowfan
Seriously, is there any other blogger as in need of AA as Althouse? The booze has rotted her mind…
JustinCognito
“Do YOU have sex with bears, John?”
“No, I don’t have sex with bears — ”
“Why would you THINK I’d ask if you have sex with bears? Do you think I’m some sort of pervert? In fact, how perverted are YOU to think I’d ask whether you have sex with bears?”
Epicurus
The UW Law School must be so very proud to have such a towering intellect as a member of it’s faculty. Foul-mouthed? What the fuck are you talking about, man??
Wile E. Quixote
Ann Althouse writes:
Because you suck and conservatives are saddled with enough losers, dipshits and morons without adding you to their ranks. If conservatives need messaging help from a moron with fat, saggy breasts they can go to Erick Erickson, who has a gig on CNN instead of wasting their time with you.
Wile E. Quixote
@dmsilev:
Well in Cole’s case it would probably be naked, recreational shower grouting.
brantl
@naked lunch: Can we go for all of the above, or are they supposed to be mutually exclusive?
geg6
@Mark S.:
This might be the nicest compliment anyone has ever given me. Made me do a happy dance.
Wile E. Quixote
@Mark S.:
Well I say that the activities on Althouse’s blog might even be considered to constitute treason under the PATRIOT act and that therefore we should kill everyone over there with Predator drones.
worn
Ann Atlhouse? The gal that went heavily to bat for Limbaugh, defending – via multiple posts – The Porcine One mocking of a single mangled word in a speech (almost stumbling into using ‘axed’ for “asked”) as not racially motivated?
Riding north at this very moment from visiting with my 2 racist, cracker uncles in Cordele and Macon,* I can only think back to that well-formed nugget of fail and sigh. Dunno where in the hell she grew up, but I couldn’t read that and ever give her another page hit with clear conscience.
*Well, not in Macon proper, but rather a mile or so outside the city limits. Something to do with the local public school system having the temerity / being wasteful & stupid enough to try and educate all students equally. Some folks just aren’t really fit for book learnin’, apparently. Note: at no time was the language overt, but as a Georgia boy the meaning of the words was quite clear…
silentbeep
@Ann Althouse:
Ann: I’m sorry but you sound crazy. Truly. You wondered “outloud” on your blog if John ( “Cole?”) belonged to journoulist. He said no. The only thing he is guilty of is responding to you directly, when you mentioned his name directly on your blog.
I don’t know your work very well. I saw you on a bloggingheads episode with Megan McArdle and I enjoyed it. But Ann: you sound totally absurd. I wish you would see that.
Hugh Aldrege
How come nobody wants to admit being on the JournoList? Radley Balko has said he’s not on the list either. Andrew Sullivan has to have been, but he won’t say. In the case of Balko, his page screams of someone that likes to bash conservatives to curry favor with liberals that he might have been trying to impress. Screwed up all his good work!