Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I would try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

“Facilitate” is an active verb, not a weasel word.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

Fear and negativity are contagious, but so is courage!

Also, are you sure you want people to rate your comments?

Conservatism: there are people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

One way or another, he’s a liar.

Be a wild strawberry.

The world has changed, and neither one recognizes it.

Republicans do not trust women.

Just because you believe it, that does not make it true.

This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

You cannot shame the shameless.

Trumpflation is an intolerable hardship for every American, and it’s Trump’s fault.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

You’re just a puppy masquerading as an old coot.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

You are here: Home / Popular Culture / KULCHA! / You Can’t Handle The Truth (and yes, I’m looking at you, John Cole)

You Can’t Handle The Truth (and yes, I’m looking at you, John Cole)

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Bad videos?  You want bad videos?  You can’t handle bad videos…

And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the (blessedly) short version of the semifinal of Eurovision 2011.

Yes, I am that cruel.

You’re welcome.

(And did I mention that the semester just ended.  Does it show?)

PPS:  Moldova at 3:44 is not to be missed.

 

Reader Interactions

66Comments

  6. 6.

    Yutsano

    Lithuania: good voice but way too pitchy for live music.

    Austria: BIG voice. Pretty sure they’ll get in the top three.

    Predicted winner: Spain. Seems to fit in with how Eurovision tends to run.

    And FWIW once again I lurved Iceland’s entry. Politics will keep them from ever winning though.

  7. 7.

    cbear

    Jeebus Tom, couldn’t you have found a nice piece of apocalyptic art to include with as a palate cleanser?

  8. 8.

    scav

    why limit yourself to describing them as bad videos? no way in hell am I touching that button. (although I did enjoy just knowing that Lordi won that once.) still, this is one musical event that is best heard from within large concrete bunkers some thirty-seven miles from the stage. and a cheery wave from the junkyard at the end of the universe to @Belafon (formerly anonevent)!

  9. 9.

    HJay

    Eurovision is a fantastic event. It’s simply a wonderful excuse to meet up with friends and get drunk together watching and listening to music (some of it is quite good, most of it is quite bad) and have a good time. It is definitely one of those things that make you happy to be Europoean.

  14. 14.

    Hawes

    Is anyone else worried that Russia is coming to get us?

    And can’t the Swiss afford words?

    Moldova reminded me of the spawn of Gogol Bordello, Cirque de Soleil and Madness.

  17. 17.

    JGabriel

    I kind of like what little I heard of Serbia’s entry. Of course, I couldn’t understand the lyrics — which means it’s probably all about the joy of killing Albanians and Bosnians or some such

    And, damn, that Hungarian singer has freakishly long legs.

    Does anyone else ever think that Eurovision should be renamed Committee To Preserve Wack Cultural Stereotypes?

    .

  18. 18.

    Yutsano

    @Hawes: She wasn’t bad, but she was oversinging. Greece and Hungary actually weren’t too terrible. France copying Alessandro Safina probably won’t win. And Italy took a big risk with their song choice.

  19. 19.

    scav

    I’ve already swung by The Guardian but I won’t post any spoilers for those brave enough to venture in. I think the observation that the voting is primarily geographic and political is holding up nicely all in all.

  20. 20.

    Southern Beale

    @HJay:

    It is definitely one of those things that make you happy to be Europoean.

    Wow cuz here in America we’ve been telling ourselves it’s your socialized medicine and high speed rail. Now you tell me it’s Eurovision? I’m crestfallen.

    And I can’t get up.

  21. 21.

    Yutsano

    @Southern Beale: I’d like to put Canada in that category still but I have no idea how they will survive the Harper interregnum. My only hope is he puts up so much crazy shit that even is own party members can’t agree to it. And even then a lot of cwap will still get passed.

  23. 23.

    JGabriel

    @Southern Beale:

    … here in America we’ve been telling ourselves it’s your socialized medicine and high speed rail [that makes you happy].

    In Europe, those are the things that make them civilized, not happy. The lack of them here in the US is what makes us ethically repugnant barbarians.

    .

  27. 27.

    d0n camillo

    There was definitely a lot more regional voting than last year. I think it’s because the quality of the songs this year was so awful that voters decided to vote for their neighbors. The voting itself is done by phone or SMS and you can’t vote for the country in which you are doing the phoning or texting.

    Last year, Greece, Romania and Germany all had pretty good entries and Germany pretty deservedly won. The same singer competed for Germany this year, but both her song and her performance were lackluster compared to last year.

    Okay, I’m a Eurovision geek. I admit it. I keep telling myself I’ll skip it, but I watch it every year.

  28. 28.

    piratedan

    @JGabriel: ty for the spoiler…. geez…..

    actually I went over to the guardian website to see. I thought many of the female vocalists were pretty decent but like most opinions regarding the arts, ymmv. The Moldovia snippet was very reminiscent of the last Republican debate.

  30. 30.

    mai naem

    Azerbajian? You gotta be kidding me. Eurovision have produced some people in the past. ABBA was a winner in the early seventies with Waterloo and there was another band that won in the seventies/early eighties who became popular in the UK. The name escapes me and I’m too lazy to do the google.

  34. 34.

    Yutsano

    @mai naem: I just looked at the names list. I had no idea Katrina & The Waves won it for the UK. But that was after their bubblegum hit in the 80’s.

  35. 35.

    hamletta

    I liked the Italians, the Icelanders, the hot French guy, and the wacky Moldovans.

  36. 36.

    Yutsano

    @hamletta: The Iceland song was just fun, Moldova was just out there, it sort of reminded me of that song OO linked to one times from Romania.

  39. 39.

    hamletta

    @mai naem: Thanks to Wikipedia, I’ve learned they did “United We Stand,” a great song. And collectively, they were responsible for “Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Grows),” “Doctor’s Orders,” and “I’d Like To Teach the World To Sing.”

    That’s pretty awesome.

  40. 40.

    Origuy

    I got motion sickness from watching that swoopy camera pan that was in every segment. So Switzerland couldn’t pick a language and had to sing a song that consisted of “na, na, na, na”?

  43. 43.

    West of the Cascades

    Uh oh, Levinson and Cole bring the classic Thers-Tintin bad music video wars INTO THE SAME BLOG. Will there be a rupture in the space-time continuum?

  44. 44.

    Martin

    Sorry, I hate to pull rank here. But you guys have no concept of bad video. Not an unknown performer. Not an unknown subject matter.

  45. 45.

    Evap

    I happened to be in Dublin last night (still am) and got to watch it live. It was almost the Platonic ideal of Eurovisions. It probably helped that I saw it on my mother-in-law’s 70’s era tv with lousy reception (no cable, of course), drinking tea and eating biscuits.

  48. 48.

    anna missed

    The whole thing was so MASSIVELY overproduced – most of the performers looked like tiny toys – that none where done any justice if perhaps in another context. Except of course the Moldavia group, which rode that turkey like Major King Kong in Dr Stangelove.

  49. 49.

    handy

    @Martin:

    Two things:

    1) Wow. Where’d you find that?

    2) The worst (best?) part about that it isn’t just Nimoy but it’s Nimoy in character. It’s like a big sweet gooey ball of geek dripping all over the place.

  52. 52.

    Martin

    @handy: 1) Oh, I’ve known about that video since long before anyone dreamed up YouTube. Used to be really goddamn hard to find. I had a copy of it in my little stash of Quicktime videos that I wasn’t sure I could ever find again. The original South Park Spirit of Xmas video was in that pile as well from around the same time – we weren’t on the original distribution of that (it was contracted as a video xmas card by Brian Gradan, who a friend of ours worked for, so we got a copy from him). So, maybe 1995-1996?

    2) Yes, it really is a neutron star of geek, isn’t it?

  53. 53.

    dr. luba

    I must say I’m embarrassed for Ukraine–that performer seemed to be trying for a Lady Gaga vibe but without the voice, music or fashion sense. Ewwwww. And this from the land that won in 2004 and was robbed in 2007.

    Moldova has taken up the torch, as Ukraine turns sadly to torch singers.

  54. 54.

    Schad

    @Hawes:

    Gogol Bordello was the first thing I thought of as well. Band’s name is Zdob si Zdub, and after looking up their stuff, they’re disappointingly bland. Much more ska than gypsy punk with a very 90s vibe, and while I like ska it’s pretty conventional (except, y’know, for the fact that they’re singing in Romanian).

    Such a shame; the hats suggested so much more.

  55. 55.

    RandyH

    I really liked that lady from Hungary. And no, it’s not just that she’s good looking. I’m gay, so I can be neutral about the ladies. But I liked her sound.

  56. 56.

    RandyH

    So I just looked it up and Azerbaijan won. What a disappointment. I thought they really stunk.

  57. 57.

    Deuce MacInaugh

    Iceland tied a yellow ribbon ’round that old oak tree, that’s for sure.

    I love the ESC – a friend of mine always arranges a Eurovision party where we have to vote and make comments about the performances and so on. (And drink, of course.)

    Astounding how so much great music has been created in Europe over the years, yet nary a trace of it finds its way into the ESC.

  58. 58.

    RandyH

    More research and I really love this lady form Hungary. Odd, but she’s such a great disco gal. Her video isn;t the best but her sound is really good. Move over Gaga, Kylie, Madonna, Cher. Time for a Hungarian Diva. If I were and American music producer…

  59. 59.

    Mjaum

    Yay! Americans have something to feel superior about! Yay! /snark

    Obligatory me: Norway won two years ago. Now we can’t stand the song.

  60. 60.

    Ghanima Atreides

    @Yutsano: yes. eurovision is quintessential euroculture…a beautiful disaster.
    The belly dance teacher at the studio where I go plays a lot of Sertab.

  61. 61.

    Ghanima Atreides

    @Yutsano: what is the point of that comment?
    Israel sux politically, and they are spectacularily unpopular in Europe. They actually won three times back in the 20th century (pre-Gaza) but they will never win again because of how the voting is done, its a popularity contest.
    Unless the Gaza Blockade magically goes away, and even then it will take a long time to rehabilitate their rep.

    Only America digs Israel anymore, and that is only gunna last until the demographic timer goes off.
    Blacks, browns and youths don’t give a shit about Israel. The hoary old holocaust guilt card has expired, and we are gunna cut it up and kick J-street to the kerb.
    tick…tick…tick…

  62. 62.

    eastriver

    This is off-the-shelf, Walmart stuff, Tom. Here’s a taste of something from the cellar of a true collector:

    “We must make video! I have camera! I have lake canoe!”

    “But do you have the treehouse people? Are they onboard?”

    “Yes! They are on board! They will wave big floppy umbrella! They are in!”

    “And can I enter out of the lake, like a snake? And do my signature lightning bolt and fireball moves?”

    “Yes, and you can even go back in the water like a snake! Now hurry! We are losing the light!”

    “One last thing. And this is deal-breaker.”

    “What, Crazy Legs? Tell me.”

    “I must have my headphones.”

    “Why?!? That doesn’t make any sense!”

    “I must. Do not argue.”

    “Okay. Fine. Wear the headphones. Now, let’s go make magic.”

    youtube.com/watch?v=VOuu2S8mf3o

  66. 66.

    Paul in KY

    I also liked the Irish Kid-n-Play-revival rappers & the girl from Austria had a big set of pipes. Liked the Spanish entry for purely aesthetic reasons ;-)

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