The global war on drugs, Afghanistan edition:
“Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy — almost impenetrable forests of marijuana plants 10 feet tall.”
The challenge is that marijuana plants absorb energy, heat very readily. It’s very difficult to penetrate with thermal devices. … And as a result you really have to be careful that the Taliban don’t dodge in and out of those marijuana forests,” General Rick Hillier said in a speech in Ottawa, Canada.
“We tried burning them with white phosphorous — it didn’t work. We tried burning them with diesel — it didn’t work. The plants are so full of water right now … that we simply couldn’t burn them,” he said.
Even successful incineration had its drawbacks.
“A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those [forests] did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action,” Hiller said dryly.
One soldier told him later: “Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I’d say ‘That damn marijuana’.”
That probably won’t make it into Army recruiting ads, even though it should.
Recall a great headline from the Onion – DRUGS WIN DRUG WAR. Some days their accuracy is almost spooky.
Andrew
For John:
OMG! We’re committing war crimes against the marijuana!
ThymeZone
Looks like these guys were right after all.
Krista
The Canadian Armed Forces.
Join for the Adventure.
Stay for the Weed.
Mr Furious
So, should we expect an increase in care packages sent home?
bs23
f*ck! no picture on the cnn page!
Ryan S.
DUDE! Anyone else seen the movie Rolling Kansas?
Demdude
On the bright side, the twinkies and potatoe chip sales at the PX went through the roof!
Baby Jane
Sounds like a sticky situation.
Punchy
And by “ill effects”, they meant suddenly everything became fucking hilarious, walking straight became both difficult and funny, and they wore out their satellite phone minutes ordering pizza after pizza….
Ryan S.
I bet re-enlistment for that unit is 110%
How much you wanna bet the next stoner movie ends with a pilgramige to Afganistan.
Dude, Do you delvier to Afganistan…badly Muffled laughter
ok I think I got it out of my system now.
Baby Jane
Howzabout air-dropping Snoop Dog and his posse.
It’s amazing how firepower seems to be the catch all solution for everything, when in this case gathering up a little bit of this devil weed, dropping tons of lime on the rest and sitting back smoking what you gathered while the lime does it’s trick seems to be the way to go.
Pb
This could spell a new era of peace and
prosperitycomplacency in Afghanistan, if both the Taliban and the other soldiers manage to get stoned together…Krista
Canadian Bakin’
Punchy
NICE…
Why not gather the shit up, package it into dime bags, (if they’re ten-feet tall…holy shit, that’s a lot of crippi!), and sell it legally to…say…Amsterdam?
Can you imagine the scratch they’d make with all that hootch? They could pay for their entire Army, I’m guessing. All 4 of ’em.
Ryan S.
Heh, Now we know why the Afganis have been able to resist being invaded or so long.
One afgani to another: “Quick Omar, to the magic marijuana stronghold”
Omar says, “I bet you 10 Dinar that the infidels don’t make it through ten feet, before they lose the will to fight.”
neil
This is just a pretext for the US to start recruiting soldiers who have proven their skill and experience at burning marijuana plants.
neil
Punchy, I assume that the plants already have customers lined up. (You may not want to go to that link at work)
SeesThroughIt
Best line so far in a thread full of fantastic lines.
Gee, maybe that crazy-ass anti-drug ad that attempted to tie buying weed to supporting terrorists was actually on to something….
Pb
Drugs, arms, money laundering, and oil, baby!
Rusty Shackleford
If any country needed to mellow out it’s Afghanistan. I think the U.S. should harvest that stuff and bake a year’s supply of brownies for the Taliban.
The U.S. needs to think outside the box. No more “War on Drugs” – let’s try the “War with Drugs”.
I’m sure the last thing that one-eyed bastard Mullah Omar wants is a nasty case of glaucoma.
Tsulagi
Exactly! Damn, white phosphorous no effect, diesel doesn’t do it. That is some potent shit!