Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it is not glory.

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

We can’t confuse what’s necessary to win elections with the policies that we want to implement when we do.

The low info voters probably won’t even notice or remember by their next lap around the goldfish bowl.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

Never give a known liar the benefit of the doubt.

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

T R E 4 5 O N

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

Their freedom requires your slavery.

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

Trump should be leading, not lying.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Cancel the cowardly Times and Post and set up an equivalent monthly donation to ProPublica.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Beware of advice from anyone for whom Democrats are “they” and not “we.”

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Baby steps, because the Republican Party is full of angry babies.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

You are here: Home / Politics / War on Terror / War on Terror aka GSAVE® / These Boots Are Made For Walking

These Boots Are Made For Walking

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So, ten years after 9/11, have we come to our senses and stopped spending a trillion on defense and “national security” and surveillance? No. Will we gtfo of Afghanistan and Iraq? No. Will we stop using the Patriot Act for hings like the drug war? Of course not. But we do have this:

Air travelers will eventually be able to keep their shoes on to pass through security, but the restrictions on carrying liquids on board are likely to remain in place for some time, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told a POLITICO Playbook breakfast Tuesday.

“We are moving towards an intelligence and risk-based approach to how we screen,” Napolitano told Mike Allen during a morning forum at the Newseum. “I think one of the first things you will see over time is the ability to keep your shoes on. One of the last things you will [see] is the reduction or limitation on liquids.”

The Onion staff wept.

Reader Interactions

128Comments

  2. 2.

    arguingwithsignposts

    I still remember as a child flying Southwest to visit my grandparents and walking off the ramp from the plane to see my grandparents waiting for me to show up. Now, it’s not quite the same walking off a plane to nobody until you get past the security line.

  3. 3.

    The Snarxist Formerly Known As Kryptik

    Yep. 10 years after 9/11, and we finally get to keep our shoes on in the airport without worry! Progress bitches! Maybe there’ll come a day when we can look at a Muslim person and not instantly think them an American-hating terrorist and have to be proven wrong only after the fact!…..yes, I thought it was a funny joke too.

  6. 6.

    Hunter Gathers

    George Carlin said it best:

    Airport security is a stupid idea, it’s a waste of money, and it’s there for only one reason: to make white people feel safe.

  8. 8.

    Lolis

    Airport security is different than the other things you mention. At least for me. I remember in 2004 I had a layover in Germany and got full on groped by an old mean employee who stuck her hand down the front of my pants and felt around. You know what? I didn’t really care.

    I do care about the wars, the Patriot Act, Gitmo, humane treatment of prisoners/terror suspects.

  9. 9.

    Calouste

    IIRC, you have always been able to keep your sho-es on when you board a plane in Europe. Where did the sho-e bomber board the plane? Europe. How many planes originating from Europe have been blown up since? Zero. Which incidentally is exactly the efficiency of inspecting every air traveller’s footwear.

  12. 12.

    Chris

    Air travelers will eventually be able to keep their shoes on to pass through security

    YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. 13.

    arguingwithsignposts

    I never got why they make you take off belts. There haven’t been any belt bombers, have there? I don’t fly with a belt on precisely because of this. Also, slip-on shoes ftw.

  18. 18.

    Dennis SGMM

    Oh yeah, if none of us can bring a bottle of water on a plane then we’ll all be so safe.

    PHOENIX (AP) – Explosives that went missing from Phoenix’s international airport during a routine police training several days ago, causing authorities to search the airport several times over the weekend, were spotted by a passing motorist sitting next to a roadside on Monday, police said.

    LINK

    Bonus questions:

    1)The explosives were recovered by:
    a. Intrusive monitoring of our personal communications by the government.
    b. Janet Napolitano in a bulletproof vest.
    c. Dumb luck.

    2)Airport security makes us all more safe because:
    a. Passengers must have their shoes examined.
    b. Passengers must submit to full body scans or pat downs.
    c. Terrorists have moved on to other things.

  19. 19.

    zed

    It is stupid, agreed…

    But the shoes thing is especially frustrating for me. I have to wear 8 eyelet boots for orthopedic reasons, and having to untie, then retie my boots ever goddamn fucking time I go to the airport drives me mad. Maybe others can get around this inconvenience by wearing slip on clogs or god forbid crocs, but I can’t. This change is past fucking due in my mind.

  20. 20.

    cathyx

    another idiotic thing that drives me crazy is not being able to bring my own water through the screening. And that would be ok if they then sold water to passengers at cost on the other side of the screening, but instead they gouge you for the bottle of water at their stores.

  23. 23.

    cathyx

    @lol: My brother-in-law says all he has to do to stop his belt buckle triggering the alarm is to put his hand over it when he passes through.

  24. 24.

    WaterGirl

    I read today that we will have only 3,000 troops left in Iraq by the end of the year. That’s a whole lot of progress on that front, if you ask me.

  26. 26.

    Elisabeth

    @Martin:

    Yeah, and I’d like to say it was because I was pretty hot but…no. I was a gawky, nerdy, underdeveloped thirteen.

    Even worse, though, my mom was not allowed to bring the vacuum-sealed ham back to the States. Man, was she pissed!

  27. 27.

    joes527

    @arguingwithsignposts: It used to be that you had to take off your belt if you had a big-ass ol’ buckle that would make the metal detector go off.

    Now they make you remove your bely because the naked machines can’t see through them. The point of the naked machines was to transfer money from the public to L-3 Communications, not to make a machine that actually worked. That’s why these “non-intrusive” scanners require you to remove half your clothes, take everything (including your paper boarding pass) out of your pockets, and assume the position.

    There just wouldn’t be enough profit in building truly non-intrusive scanners. Not when you can achieve the same effect for free simply by inconveniencing travellers.

  31. 31.

    MikeBoyScout

    eventually pigs will grow wings and fly.

    and you think flying is a pain now. wait until the sky is crowded with unscreened & unscanned pigs.

  32. 32.

    JPL

    @Elisabeth: I’m not young and hot and I’ve been pulled over boarding a plane (pre 9/11); after the Atlanta bombings for additional scanning while at the Olympics and at the Atlanta courthouse while going down for jury duty. The Olympic bombing was before my fiftieth and the airline episode was actually on my fiftieth. The jury duty was after that. I don’t wear a scarf and I look like your average citizen. I did figure something out though, I have allergies and my eyes look better if I take allergy medicine so that’s what I’ve been doing. Haven’t been stopped since. Now when he pulled me over at the airlines I giggled and that doesn’t help..btw.

  35. 35.

    Mike in NC

    I think one of the first things you will see over time is the ability to keep your shoes on.

    OK, note the qualifications here: she “thinks” this will happen but adds it will be “over time”. Maybe in another ten years? Because when the government decides to do very stupid things it very seldom revisits its decisions.

  36. 36.

    Jager

    I had an outboard motor and its gas tank in the back of my rental. There was an orange alert and they were doing the car checks at the West Palm Beach Airport. The security guy said I couldn’t take the gas tank to the arrivals level in the car. I asked what I should do with it, he directed me to drive through the departures level, swing back around and leave the tank at the security office, then come back and pick up my pal. I drove away, called my buddy on his cell, had him walk up to departures and I picked him up. This bullshit has never made any sense!

  37. 37.

    malraux

    We are moving towards an intelligence and risk-based approach to how we screen,

    I suppose this is an improvement over the stupid based approach we’ve tried for the last decade.

    I still love how I can’t bring water in a nalgene onto a plane, but can bring any volume of baby formula or contact solution.

  39. 39.

    Gex

    @Calouste: The purpose wasn’t to make us feel safer. It was to make us feel more scared.

    I’d say that probably applies to most of our post-9/11 security measures. Hey, is it still code orange? Of course. It’s always code orange.

  40. 40.

    Samara Morgan

    Will we gtfo of Afghanistan and Iraq?

    actually Iraq is planting a boot in Americas ass in december.
    we want to stay, but the Iraqis are not going to allow it.
    gee, i wunner why?

  41. 41.

    Mojotron

    if I have those platform shoes with the goldfish tank in the soles will I be able to keep those on if there’s only 2.9 ounces of fish water in each shoe?(fingers crossed)

  43. 43.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @arguingwithsignposts: Whippersnapper, with your Southwest Airlines. I remember as a child flying an Allegheny Airlines DC-3 from Harrisburg to Pittsburgh. With two stops, at Altoona and Johnstown.

    And we had our shoes on, too!

  46. 46.

    Yevgraf

    My youngest daughter has taken to opening all her car windows and playing a Lebanese entertainer – Fairuz- at full blast while rolling through our dull assed whitebread exurban town center. She says she draws some really enraged glares.

    At 16, she’d put a major hurt on any redneck who’d try and attack her.

  48. 48.

    Chad N Freude

    @Hunter Gathers: Carlin was only half right. It also created a new, now entrenched and unremovable, industry: TSA outsourcing for staff, and the market for very expensive RapiScan machines that are ineffective but, strangely, manufactured by a company one of whose principals is close to DHS.

  49. 49.

    AlladinsLamp

    I’m watching Gubernor Perry do an hour “interview” on TBN.

    Its called “The Response.”

    “Jesus died for Freedom.”

  50. 50.

    Keith G

    I can’t imagine that there are many in the White House willing to do more than the shoe amnesty.

  54. 54.

    J. Michael Neal

    I’m published! Self-published, but published. Once I’m filthy rich from writing, you all can say you were in at the beginning!

    Kindle

    Nook

    Sorry to spam the thread, but I’m excited. This book could earn me tens of dollars.

  55. 55.

    mk3872

    Well the hell is up with this “we won’t get out of Iraq” crap? Is this FDL or BJ? If 3k troops say behind for some sort of base or training, that’s OK by me.

  61. 61.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @Omnes Omnibus: dead trees are for suckers. ;)

    OTOH, I understand there are some self-publishers who will do the dead tree thing for a fee – blurb, for instance. On demand printing.

  62. 62.

    Southern Beale

    It’s all about the oil, honey. It’s always ALWAYS all about the oil.

    For example, from the BBC:

    Lockerbie bomber Megrahi release was ‘over BP oil deal’

    __
    There have been fresh allegations about the circumstances surrounding the release of the Lockerbie bomber.
    __
    A former Libyan foreign minister claims the release of Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi was discussed with the British government and linked to a contract for oil company BP.

    Video at the link.

  63. 63.

    J. Michael Neal

    @Omnes Omnibus: No analog version is planned. However, you can download software that will let you read ebook versions on your computer. Both Amazon and B&N have it, and I’m pretty sure it’s free.

  64. 64.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    airport security’s emphasis on intelligence and risk assessment based security with aggressive groping and scanners sounds suspiciously more like a van halen song, than a plan.

    I like the little way the line runs up the back of the stockings
    I’ve always liked those kind of high heels, too, ya know I…
    No, no, no, no don’t take ’em off. Don’t take…leave ’em on
    Yeah, that’s it…a little more to the right

    Ow! Hey, hey, hey!
    Everybody wants some!
    I want some too. Whoa!
    Everybody wants some!
    Baby how ’bout you? Yeah!

    Everybody wants some!
    Everybody needs some!
    Everybody wants some!
    Everybody needs some!

    Ah yeah!
    Ahhh yeah!

    Look, I’ll pay ya for it, what the fuck?

  66. 66.

    Roger Moore

    @malraux:

    I still love how I can’t bring water in a nalgene onto a plane, but can bring any volume of a substance in a baby formula or contact solution bottle.

    FTFY. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them checking contact lens solution to make sure it isn’t ingredients for liquid explosives. Which is just as well, because mixing up liquid explosives on a plane was never a feasible terrorist plan in the first place.

  67. 67.

    Samara Morgan

    Now Obama is prepared to reduce troop levels to 3000 instead of 10000.

    Either of those scenarios could lead Iran to increase its presence in Iraq as a provocation to the U.S. or for “self-defense” reasons. Reason enough to insist on more American troops? Or is the Iraqi government already so beholden to Iran that it won’t let that happen even if we demand it?

    i pick door numbah 2. the New Shi’ia Crescent.

    hahaha, like Panetta has a choice.
    the choice is between GTFO according to the terms of the SOFA or see Maliki’s government fall.
    Sadr’s Arab Spring rally is coming up on Sept 9.
    Did you know Baghdad has a Tahir Square too?

  68. 68.

    WereBear

    All you Urban Snobs in yer big airports there; this is one of the advantages of tiny rural airports.

    When will they admit this is all theatre? Never. You don’t talk about Fake Club.

  69. 69.

    BruceFromOhio

    Other than for business purposes or a death in the family, I see no need or want to ever get on a commercial flight ever again, for any reason whatsoever.

    And if for some reason I have to get on a fucking airplane and some stupid motherfucker tries any-fucking-thing, I will laugh hysterically as I kick him/her/it to fucking death. Please, make my day. Please.

    I suspect I’m not alone in this failing.

  71. 71.

    cleek

    @Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal:
    Journey seems appropriate, too. a little Lovin, Touchin, Squeezin, perhaps?

    na, na, na, nanana
    na, na, na, nana na

    or, AC/DC: Touch Too Much

    Seems like a touch, a touch too much
    Givin me a touch, a touch too much
    Baby got a touch, a touch too much
    Seems like a touch, a touch too much
    A touch too much
    A touch too much
    A touch too much
    Touch, come on and touch me
    Yeah!

  75. 75.

    Roger Moore

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Some of us are Nook-less and Kindle-less.

    If you have a Windows or OSX computer, you can get Kindle for your PC. If you have a tablet, you can get it for your tablet. Amazon really wants to sell you books, so they’re happy to provide a reader for just about any platform you like (most Unix variants excepted).

  77. 77.

    MikeJ

    @Roger Moore:

    for just about any platform you like (most Unix variants excepted).

    The nook is a unix variant at heart, and I have the kindle app on mine. Pity it doesn’t run without all the android stuff on top of it though.

    I suppose if you’re geeky enough to run a *nix (and I am) you could always install the adk and run kindle on the emu.

  78. 78.

    Samara Morgan

    @lacp: the terms of the SOFA are 150 trainers.
    muqtada is going to hold the US to the treaty.
    he says he will kill any troops left behind, and some percentage of those corpses will wind up being mutilated and dragged through the streets of baghdad on Al Jazeera live.
    Are you ready for that?
    How about viral youtubes of humiliation torture of captured american soldiers?

    And what is our response? nuke them from the air? invade and occupy again? we are already broke.
    we cant afford another 4.4 trillion for nothin’.

    nope, we are going. the whole troop offer thing is just kabuki for the Sauds.

  81. 81.

    Samara Morgan

    @arguingwithsignposts: i thot i’d hang around and see if theres more internecine warfare.

    but truly, the repubs tried to vote a mandate to stay in Iraq past the expulsion date last spring.
    pointless. the Iraqis are going to hold the US to the SOFA.
    Panetta didnt get any nibbles on his 10k offer, so the WH cut it back.

    Maliki’s government may go into free-fall on this weeks friday of rage.
    Happy 9/11 Anniversary American Taxpayers!

  83. 83.

    Chad N Freude

    @J. Michael Neal: Okay, I bought it. Stop bugging me.

    ETA: You do understand that that was intended as a joke, right? Congratulations. When does the stripper emerge from the gigantic cake?

  85. 85.

    Roger Moore

    @MikeJ:

    The nook is a unix variant at heart,

    So is the Kindle. The key thing is that Amazon and B&N- actually the publishers and authors they sell for- only want to put their valuable writing onto platforms they think will respect their copyright. That includes Windows, Mac, and Unix variants that have been wrapped up into appliances, but not full-fledged Unix variants that expose all the Unixy goodness.

  86. 86.

    Chad N Freude

    Given the introduction of mini-skirts and pettipants to this thread, maybe the title of this post should be “These Boots Were Made For Wanking.

  88. 88.

    Martin

    @Roger Moore:

    So is the Kindle. The key thing is that Amazon and B&N- actually the publishers and authors they sell for- only want to put their valuable writing onto platforms they think will respect their copyright pay for it.

    The problem with unix isn’t that you’re all cheap bastards, it’s that there are only 37 of you. Windows users are the cheap bastards.

  89. 89.

    Lojasmo

    Embarrassingly, on a recent trip to Seattle, my son had an undeclared mountain dew in his pack, and on the way back I had an undeclared V8.

    They didn’t care about my quart bag of 4ouce KY tubes, or the joint in my wallet.

  90. 90.

    Jeffro

    I thought the post title was about former Bachman supporters headin’ over to Rick Perry. Now that is some serious walking going on, folks.

  91. 91.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @Chad N Freude: PSA! Real cheap flights because they didn’t fly interstate and weren’t subject to ICC rates. Pre-dating Carter’s deregulation, of course.

  95. 95.

    Samara Morgan

    @arguingwithsignposts: but im just trying to cheer you juicers up!
    Cole was all eeyore about stayin in Iraq, and i double-dawg promise you we are truly leaving in december.
    we dont relly have a choice.
    :)

  98. 98.

    Chad N Freude

    I have both a Kindle and a NookColor. I’m less fond of the Kindle these days because of Amazon’s push to get the CA internet purchase tax repealed by a ballot initiative. (Yeah, they’re a person and have th same rights as other persons to put stuff on the CA ballot.) They have behaved incredibly badly from the moment the bill passed the otherwise dysfunctional Legislature, and I now buy stuff from them that I can’t find anywhere else. No more Kindle purchases.

  99. 99.

    magurakurin

    @Samara Morgan:

    could you have any bigger a hard-on of anticipation for seeing Americans dragged through the streets in Iraq.

    You’re a sick and twisted individual.

    Will you wank off sad and disappointed when nothing of any significance happens after December in Iraq to those 3000 Americans? I’m guessing, yes.

    The really big question is, would Anne Laurie go to the mat for this creature if it was given a time out? Now that would be a thread for the ages…

  102. 102.

    Chad N Freude

    @dead existentialist: I think all of Frontline’s programs are available on the Web, not sure how long after broadcast they’re posted. I prefer streaming from their website to Tivoing the programs.

  104. 104.

    Chad N Freude

    @Comrade Kevin: I made one attempt after researching all of the how-to and downloading the required software packages. I wanted it to be dual-boot, tablet and reader, but with all the stuff I read, nobody bothered to mention the thing that everybody knows so we don’t actually have to tell you about it. It became a bootable tablet, but the processor is not really very good for doing much more than turning e-pages, and I restored it to e-reader only. BTW, it’s a real pain to go through the steps necessary to to tabletize it, and I no longer have a lot of patience for that sort of thing.

    ETA: If you’re really interested, I could probably dig out for you the rather cryptically fraternal websites where the Secrets are Laid Bare. But not this week.

  105. 105.

    Samara Morgan

    @magurakurin:

    Will you wank off sad and disappointed when nothing of any significance happens after December in Iraq to those 3000 Americans?

    im just explaining why we are NOT keeping 3000 troops there. too much risk. didnt you read my links? Obama has to pretend to try, to appease the Sauds.

    i’ve been banned and timed out repeatedly. AL has deleted my comments too.
    IPOF, you should mail Cole and tell him how awful i am.
    he digs that.
    :)

    ichi! ni! san!

  107. 107.

    Chad N Freude

    @Martin: The publishers are terrified that selling e-books with no printing and distribution costs will undercut the hard copy model with very large printing and distribution costs, so they overprice the e-books to make them more expensive than the hard copies, thus undercutting the potentially most lucrative market they’ve ever had. It’s RIAA redux.

  112. 112.

    Chad N Freude

    @Comrade Kevin: It’s annoying. It helps a lot if you’re a teen or twenty-something geek. I’ve thought of doing it again, right this time, but I can’t work up a lot of enthusiasm. And as great as Android is, and as awful as Apple is, the iPad is a much better tablet.

  114. 114.

    MikeJ

    @Chad N Freude: I did’t think it was that bad, and haven’t been a teen or even twentier for a while now. Download the image, dd it to the memory card, reboot.

    I like being able to use firefox instead of the default browser just for tabs and whatnot. The browser is mainly what I use it for other than reading, but games and stuff seems to work fine.

  118. 118.

    Gus

    @Samara Morgan: That whole “we are already broke” line is bullshit. You really think we won’t borrow more from the Chinese if that happens? You really think the Chinese won’t lend it to us?

  119. 119.

    Chad N Freude

    @MikeJ: You may have found a later, more unified installation kit. I had to pull down a couple of executables, set up an ordered load/execute list on the card, offer up my first-born, etc., and it was annoying. And slow.

  120. 120.

    Roger Moore

    @Comrade Kevin:

    Amazon, at least, have put out an HTML5-based reader that works on Linux, and supports offline reading.

    It works on Linux, but only if you’re willing to tolerate Chrome. I like Google’s web services, but I’m not a fan of their attitude toward installable software. They want to package all their own libraries instead of working with what’s already there, and they don’t treat 64 bit as a critical feature. I guess they offer it now for Chrome, but I’m frustrated that they expect me to install complete 32 bit libraries to run their other software. I think I’ll wait until Amazon sees fit to make their software work with Firefox.

  121. 121.

    Comrade Kevin

    @Roger Moore: That it doesn’t work with Firefox is what annoyed me about it. They managed to make it worth with Safari, although I think I understand why they did that. I suspect that is to undermine Apple’s stupid policies about in-app purchases and subscriptions.

  122. 122.

    Samara Morgan

    @arguingwithsignposts: hahaha
    im not the false muslim here.
    i accept the first pillar.
    lā ʾilāha ʾillallāh, Muḥammad rasūlu-llāh
    There is no god but God, and Muhammad is the messenger of God.

  123. 123.

    Samara Morgan

    @Gus: i think it would be really, really hard to increase troop strength in Iraq in this political climate.
    and i think December is going to rub american noses in the truth– that we spent 4.4 trillion dollars for nothing.

  124. 124.

    Valenciennes

    What I really love the most is hearing straight, white, cisgender, currently able-bodied men talk about how silly it is to be upset about security theater because it’s a minor inconvenience at the worst.

  125. 125.

    Persia

    @arguingwithsignposts: I thought the belts thing was just a metal issue, it wasn’t worth trying to screen out the one person out of a hundred who had a metal-free belt.

    Also, as the years go on I’m more and more convinced the liquids thing has nothing to do with security and everything with boosting sales inside airport security zones.

  127. 127.

    grandpajohn

    @arguingwithsignposts: @J. Michael Neal: Kindle has a program called “Kindle for PC” tht you can download to your computer. Using this you can then download from the kindle store to your computer and read just as you would do on a kindle. I think NOOK also has this kind of program. If you later get a kindle you can then download to your kindle without rebuying.

  128. 128.

    agorabum

    @cathyx: You can always bring an empty water bottle through the line. Just a tip.
    Oh, you can also buy “airplane” bottles of booze and sneak them through in your pocket (provided you don’t have to go through a Rape-Scan). Or just in any sort of bag you put through the machine (toiletries bags work; the bottles are 2 oz and you can bring through 3 oz sized containers).
    Heck, most of the time, the scanners won’t even notice.

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