Imagine my surprise when I got home to learn that Anna Nicole Smith had died, and this is apparently so memorable that MSNBC has chosen to cancel their broadcasting and do Anna stories non-stop.
I can not be alone in my observation that it is rather humorous that the person who most likely will rescue two feminists from public scrutiny is a stripper/turned Playmate who graduated into a full-fledged celebrity drunk, an addict and alcoholic through and through, as well as a terrible mother.
Only in America.
dreggas
John,
You and me both. I actually saw the headline and though “Oh thank god now we can move on to the REAL news and the REALLY important stuff like, oh, say THE FUCKING WAR”.
Then I shook my head sadly and realized the rest of the week will be spent eulogizing that hoochie-hooka-momma and almost wept.
Zifnab
Boobies, John.
Now they’re dead boobies.
The nation is in morning.
Tim F.
You forgot trophy wife.
Any someone please tell me this isn’t on our front page.
Tim F.
“And someone please tell me…”
dreggas
Tim,
I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t.
It is also front page news over on Yahoo. It’s like something straight outta the matrix. People start waking up then poof they are gassed right back to sleep by the machines.
Here’s your tranqs now be a good citizen and mourn the loss of another useless icon of our self-absorbed sense of celebrity.
TenguPhule
It’s not on your frontpage. This is only the drugs talking.
James F. Elliott
How dare you be so cavalier about the loss of one of our national treasures. What will E! Television do for material now? Think of the dozens of people out of work, you callous bastard!
TenguPhule
Poles everywhere are at half-mast.
dreggas
Maybe yours is but my wife used to watch that stupid reality series Anna Nicole had and I happened to walk in on her watching it once…let’s just say the sight of that woman with a high ball in her hand completely wasted and mumbling didn’t get any pole even to quarter mast.
Richard Bottoms
Well I for one would much rather be talking about two bloggers no one has ever heard of and Nacy Pelosi’s mode of transportation home.
BTW, anyone know where Sam Brownback is today? The future of our republic depends on men like him.
dreggas
Those stories were low, this will be lower, kinda like Anna’s boobs would have been if they weren’t fake.
dreggas
probably in florida paying his respects…
Richard 23
Weird. I was flipping channels tuesday night during a commercial break and came across a cheesy celebrity gossip show and the story was about some schmuck who claimed to have had a relationship with Anna Nicole Smith which she was denying. And they were revealing “exclusive” never before seen photos of the two together. Zzzzzz. Not sure why that was a story.
And now she’s dead. Synchronicity I guess (no pun intended). I hadn’t had “news” about her foisted on me in a long time.
Don’t tell me this is a big news story that’s being covered wall-to-wall by the cable news outlets….
Krista
That poor woman never had a chance of being anything other than a complete train wreck.
dreggas
It’s what celebrity does to a person. Look at all the “young” actors, actresses, singers, and in general celebrity crowd and see just how freaking shitty it must be to be in their shoes given the constant hounding and having their lives under a microscope constantly. I used to say I wanted to grow up to be rich and famous, now I just want the rich part.
TenguPhule
Fringerr 1: Did you hear? Two great boobs passed away today.
Fringer 2: Oh my God! President Pelosi’s in the Whitehouse?!
Krista
Well, CNN is talking about the Iran missile tests.
Feel better?
Krista
Ditto. I bought a Millionaire for Life ticket the other day ($1M/year for 25 years). Keep your fingers crossed for me, kids! :)
dreggas
only if you share with me, if not then a pox upon you and may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your nether regions, barring that maybe you’ll just get a really bad rash. Dunno, need to consult with the Dobsonites on how to properly curse someone.
Rudi
Atleast Jimi Hendicks, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin had talent. This bimbo was a figure of the cable days.
Pooh
If they were never actually living…
Richard 23
Thanks, Krista. I can always rely on you to make me smile!
Pooh
Also it was only a week ago that someone (not me) said something smart:
ThymeZone
You make two good points.
TenguPhule
Yes, definitely comething to chew on.
TenguPhule
*something*
dreggas
Heh I said something similar here on one of the open threads but am too damn lazy (and ready to leave work) to look it up.
Who cares, dead horse, two choices, glue or dog kibble.
dreggas
careful they might pop and I heard silicone gel tastes like shite.
Tlaloc
Might be a tad harsh. The woman was certainly grating at times but she also just died at an early age and only a short period after her son died at a very early age. She leaves behind a toddler and a husband.
I can understand the frustration at the news cycle idiocy but there’s no reason to take that out on the person who just died.
jake
That’s about what you wood expect.
Daniel DiRito
To read about the tragedy surrounding Anna Nicole and her long-time adversary, E. Pierce Marshall…link here:
http://www.thoughttheater.com
Tax Analyst
Yeah – you can keep the fame, for sure…my small taste of it was…ok…I know you’ll snicker – singing karaoke about 12 years ago. “Long Time Gone”, the David Crosby song he wrote after RFK’s assassination way back when. Anyway, I did a good job, received my well-earned hearty applause, then proceeded to the men’s room to take a leak. A well-plastered fellow was just finishing up at the urinal and sees me…”Hey, man, you were GREAT”…and then reaches out to…shake my hand…I was standing there next to the sink, so thinking quickly, I turned the water on and began washing up. I waited till he left then took my place at the urinal…and the guy pops his head back in and shouts…”REALLY GREAT, MAN!”…I probably should have turned towards him – with stream it motion – to give him my “thanks”, but I just wasn’t thinking far enough ahead.
Krista
Ow. Dude, that’s seriously vindictive.
And yeah, they’re probably going to be covering this for a long time. Poor soul, she idolized Marilyn Monroe and wanted to be just like her. Another famous busty blonde, chewed up and destroyed by the fame machine, dead before 40.
Joe1347
While certainly a tragic and irresponsible (screwed up) figure, Anna Nicole – for a celebrity – surprisingly seemed like a decent and likeable enough person. From what I remember of her press appearances and ‘reality’ show, she never came across as the typical nasty viscious egotistical bitch celebrity type that we seemed to be plagued with today. Granted not being called a bad person isn’t much of an glowing eulogy. But what would be the response if Paris Hilton passed away?
Dave
Now if the high ball was in your hand…what then?
Boobies….just ‘cuz.
Wilfred
You know something Cole, you can take the man out of RedState, but you can’t take RedState out of the man. Pretty churlish comments if you ask me; she left a child behind, after all. Ha, ha.
jake
Well, she got blonde, gorgeous and early to dead. Too bad she couldn’t manage a bit of Monroe’s class. Or even Jean Harlow’s.
Tsulagi
“Chew”? Um, you might get to third and possibly even home more often if you don’t ‘chew’ up second base.
Helena Montana
Who’s Anna Nicole Smith?
Richard 23
“Comething?” Hahaha! You did that on purpose, didn’t you TenguPole? LOLz.
John Roberson
Jesus, Cole, that’s pretty damn cold. While I certainly, in the abstract, agree that (a) the war is a more important topic for the news, (b) one less useless celebrity I have to hear about all the time though they do nothing isn’t a bad thing, and (c) yes, yes, she was a terribly flawed human being…but she was a human being nevertheless and it’s not as though she was bombing children or torturing prisoners of was or letting an entire American city drown. Have some sense of proportion. At the very least, it’s pretty crass to leap so quickly upon it with snarking and you ought to think about that.
BettyPageisaBlonde
Shorter Lewis Black: What the fuck?!? You’d think the president had died. You’d think the president had died. Argh!
Pb
But… but… that idiot they were interviewing on the TV Guide channel said she was a great mother! I’m sure he wouldn’t lie! Anna is love! She loved everyone! Waaah! *stabs self in eye*
J. Michael Neal
Well, CNN is talking about the Iran missile tests.
Yep. Multi-megaton warheads on every channel.
raj
Imagine my surprise when I got home to learn that Anna Nicole Smith had died,
Um, and who is, or was, she?
/sarcasm
The Other Steve
Only 25 years?
I don’t think i want the money that bad if I’m only going to live for another 25 years.
The Other Steve
Say what you will about Smith, you gotta admit she definately had large uhh… tracks of land.
canuckistani
If you win, you can be my new best friend.
Darrell
I don’t agree with John on much these days, but I think his description was quite understated and rather courteous, given the reality of who she was. If he wanted to be blunt, he would have pointed out the obvious, that Anna Nicole let Hustler magazine take pics of her pussy while she posed spread eagle, then married a geezer 65 years older than her for the money and that’s the only reason we’re talking about her. It’s the truth, and Cole is damn justified for taking a shot at the phony media coverage over her. I do give her kudos for losing all that weight, but it’s just a bit much.
CaseyL
Considering how much her weight ping-ponged, and how radically, my guess is that whatever she was doing, or taking, to manage it wrecked her heart and caused her death.
Richard 23
Shorter Darrell: I prefer gay porn.
BTW, any links to the Hustler photos of Anna Nicole’s “pussy while she posed spread eagle?” I have the Playboy photos and they were pretty hot. And if anyone can provide some gay porn links for Darrell, I’m sure he’d appreciate it. He hasn’t had any hot material since the Stuperbowl Snickers commercial.
demimondian
I wouldn’t be surprised at all. I guess I don’t see the problem with being appalled: when the cable outlets go ape-shit over Jon Benet’s (clearly deluded) “killer”, we observe that it’s “a dead white girl”. When a senior on a senior trip doesn’t come back, and is assumed dead, then we observe that it’s a dead white girl.
Anna Nicole Smith, God rest her soul, was arguably more the agent of her own destruction than either of those two girls. Why is it OK to realize that the coverage is disproportionate in those cases, and not in this one?
That said, John, I don’t know if I know enough about her parenting skills (or lack thereof) to call her a terrible parent. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to find that she’d been an awful parent, as many addicts are, but I don’t know, and I’m curious how you know.
bago
I suppose spread pussy makes for better photos than spread and gaping wounds caused by bombs and bullets. Still.
bago
Yeah.
jake
Regarding media coverage. I wonder if they’re being a bit snarky in a passive/agressive way. Everyone seems to be using the same photo of her and she looks like shit. And not even hot shit. Usually when celebrities die the press uses a shot that shows the person at his/her best. Why not pull out some photos from her Guess Jeans era? Or they could borrow Darrell’s copy of Hustler and use that one.
Anyhoo, sorry to go OT but we seem to have accidentally blown up a few Kurds.
mere mortal
First, at least one of those feminists is no feminist at all, but whatever the corrolary to misogynist is. To presume individual men are rapists in the face of all facts and evidence, because of one’s experience with particular men, that’s irrational hatred of men. It is a betrayal of the presumption of equality between genders.
Second, if you were a true feminist, A.N.Smith’s bad behavior would be no more ironic for distracting from Edwards’ new wards than for distracting from Kevin Federline’s antics.
Punchy
You left out WHORE and GOLD DIGGER. Get it together, man. Get it together.
Krista
misandrist.
Bob In Pacifica
I see her as a kind of demigoddess on the altar of culture. I’ve come across references to her but paid no heed because, quite frankly, it seemed like a shallow life of no consequence to me. Would my life have been richer to have followed hers? I guess Brittany gets a little more space on the altar now. Can’t imagine her fame will follow her into death.
The Other Steve
Uhh, Smith was in Playboy. Not Hustler. Playboy doesn’t do spread eagle poses.
Another example of Darrell’s “Truthiness”.
The Other Steve
Anna Nicole Smith was American Royalty.
My flag will be set at half mast to remember her death.
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
Scoff at him all you want. I’m just hoping Darrell comes back with a link to prove this one.
Faux News
Helena, allow me to explain:
Anna was a trailer park white trash whore, high school dropout, with double implants in each breast. Somehow both playboy and a 89 year old oil billionaire discovered her while she was pole dancing at a Texas strip club, and made her famous. She was 26 when she married the 89 year old oil tycoon. Not for money of course! No no no! She was a great mother too. Except for the drug abuse, overdose death of her 20 year old son and not knowing who the Baby’s Dadddy is for her 5 month old daughter.
The rest is history, and Anna is now being compared to Marilyn Monroe. Which is kind of like the neocons comparing Bush to FDR, Truman, Lincoln, and best of all: Winston Churchill.
Punchy
Cancelling Playboy subscription in 3….2…1…
DMcK
Anna Nicole first attained celeb status from her stint as the premier Guess Jeans model during the whole late-90’s “white trash chic” thing, which THEN led to her Playboy spread. Stop rewriting history, moonbats.
dreggas
which part? I am really practicing hard here for the inevitable takeover of this country by religious freaks and need to be good at this cursing stuff.
Jake
You mean a big steaming insult to the dead? Even Mansfield and her pop out boobie pranks out-classed this woman. Was Smith even in a movie? One made for release in theaters* that is. My kingdom for a decent bombsell!
All I know of her is what a housemate used to watch on that reality show (arf arf!) and all that did was make me wonder how bad a wealthy or famous parent has to be before CPS comes a-callin’. From what I saw the only difference between ANS and the rednecks who fill their infant’s bottles Coca-Cola was $$$. (And better drugs.)
j
*When I say “theaters” I mean the kind where the floors are sticky with spilled soda and squashed jujubes.
grumpy realist
Can’t we just say that the media have the brains of a concussed goldfish and the attention span of a fruitfly with ADHD and leave it at that? And the audience for this is no better?
(I agree, who in the f*** is Anna Nicole Smith? Will go down in history for her boobs, her blond hair, and the longest fight over a will since the demise of Chancery.)
The Other Steve
You guys just aren’t in touch with pop culture.
This is why you’ll never win elections!
tBone
She was in the third Naked Gun movie. And, inexplicably, The Hudsucker Proxy from the Coen Bros.
Jess
All of you are assholes. Yes she led a shitty screwed up life by everyone’s standards and she did a lot of ill advised things to say the least, but there is such a thing as respecting the dead.
At least save your knives until the body has gone cold, you heartless sons of bitches.
tBone
Tell you what – when the media starts devoting as much time and attention to the death of every soldier in Iraq as they are to this circus, then I’ll weep bitter tears of regret for poor Anna Nicole.
Until then, spare me the outrage.
CaseyL
You’re fucking kidding me.
What part??
YellowJournalism
She played the model girlfriend Tim Robbins’ character dates when he makes it big. She’s in two scenes for a total of maybe ten minutes, if that. I thought she was kind of pretty back then in a faux-bombshell way. I didn’t care that she married the old guy. *ahem* You get what you pay for. He was no innocent in the situation and probably screwed her over more than she did him.
I watched a couple episodes of her show. She always struck me as, to put it nicely, lacking in mental capacity and very susceptible to others’ influence. I had no problem with her until she sold pictures of her baby and coverage of her son’s funeral (thousands of dollars), supposedly to pay for the son’s funeral, which didn’t cost nearly as much as she received. I also don’t blame Anna Nichole the person for Anna Nichole saturation. That’s all on the public and the media.
Face
“Nice beaver!”
“Thanks, I just had it stuffed”
Tom in Texas
So she married an old dude for the money, and an old dude married her for her breasts. Big Damn Deal. While this makes them both shallow people I probably wouldn’t like personally, I hardly think it’s some horrible thing. People get married for lots of reasons, and I’m not going to presume to dictate which are the right ones.
Scruffy McSnufflepuss
No, that’s the first one.
“You’re all woman, I can tell just by looking at you.”
“Hey! She’s with me!”
“I know… I was talking to your mother!”
Also, in the end Leslie Nielsen almost got with her, but when it turned out she was just like the chick in “The Crying Game,” he ran off and vomited into a tuba instead.
(I’m pretty sure that part won’t be in the autopsy report, though. It’s a conspiracy of silence, abetted by our national media. Only Leslie Nielsen had the courage to bring it out, and for that they pinned a murder on OJ just to ruin Nielsen’s career by wrecking the Naked Gun franchise. It’ll all be in my manifesto, which is currently 754 pages long and is slated to be published on the day before the Apocalyse.)
Richard 23
Winding this thread down and no Hustler links, eh?
I prefered the tv series cast (Police Squad) to the movie cast (Naked Gun). I recommend Police Squad to anyone who enjoyed Airplane.
Alan North and Peter Lupus, who played the strong guy on the Mission:Impossible tv series were better than George Kennedy and OJ Simpson. I guess it was worth it to see OJ get hurt in all sorts of ways in the first film. But whatever.
I thought ANS was pretty back in her Guess girl days. It’s too bad for her that she’s dead, I guess. But people die every day and they don’t get bad photos splashed in the news. Oh well.
Jay C
Just FYI: here’s Anna Nicole Smith’s complete filmography. A lot thinner than Anna Nicole was – five movies, three TV guest spots and a (very badly) failed series. Oh, and her own show, of course.
Guess there won’t be an A.N.S. star on Hollywood Boulevard any time soon ….
John Roberson
Weep bitter tears over her? Of course not. But if you’re going to talk about her, is there any reason to repeat what everyone already knows? (Unless you’re hoping that mentioning her might cause someone to actually notice the blog) We all know how screwed up she was. There’s no reason to spit on her corpse.
Why not post about Iraq in the space you gave to her? Ah, but you didn’t, did you? So you’re just another person in the media giving time and space to something you don’t think merits either. There’s a word for that.
Stogie
Nicole’s passing was a wake up call for me. I suddenly realized that Harry Reid and Chuck Hagel aren’t the two biggest boobs in the country.
Tlaloc
“Tell you what – when the media starts devoting as much time and attention to the death of every soldier in Iraq as they are to this circus, then I’ll weep bitter tears of regret for poor Anna Nicole.”
Yeah, cause it’s the dead woman’s fault that the US media sucks.
Instead of being assholes, why not just remark on the media issue? You might even be taken seriously, something that spitting on the corpse won’t do. Hey maybe that way you also wouldn’t be pouring just a little acid onto the bereaved husband and toddler who gets to grow up without a mother.
But I can see where all that takes a back seat to getting in a zinger. Nothing like sinking a knife into someone who can’t fight back, huh?