I’m sitting here trying to watch Lou Dobbs, and as he goes from story to story ranting incoherently, sucking back in his dentures, I imagine this is what it was like to have a crazy grandfather at the holiday dinners. The cognitive dissonance of the contradictions as he whiplashes the audience from one topic to the other is just brutal, and there really are only three ways to watch him and maintain your sanity:
1.) Drink heavily.
2.) Pretend he is suffering from a multiple personality disorder, and that you should not try to balance what he said two minutes ago in a previous segment with what he is saying right now. Ditto for what he says two minutes from now.
3.) Every time he takes a pause, use the Davenoon approach to analysis and pretend that Dobbs has also said “I’m a crazy person” in between every sentence.
It really is pretty funny. “Obama isn’t doing enough for Wall Street!” Two minutes later: “Don’t bail out Wall Street! Why are we giving these shmucks more money!” then thirty seconds later feature a two minute segment in which you don’t even bother to wait to contradict yourself, you do it right then and there and insist that Obama listen to Warren Buffett, note Buffett’s own stock is down 39%, and then ignore the sound clip of Buffett saying the economy will be fine in five years anyway. Then chide Robert Gibbs for taking on an affected persona in his press conference, then sneer that “Isn’t change I can believe in!”
Lou Dobbs, standing athwart history shouting “Get off my grass, you Mexicans!”