Probably an excellent time to enjoy your music library. (Avoid the news.)
8.
Just Some Fuckhead
Can’t the black guy turn the pages for you while you wear him?
9.
valdivia
sorry John I did not realize you were injured (from the earlier thread). you have people to run errands for you and take care of you right? you could also train Tunch or Lilly to do these things. Hmm. Maybe not.
Feel better!
10.
Legalize
OMG, Cole is really Sammy Sosa!
11.
Chyron HR
Wow, you can’t even pet your cat… if you know what I mean.
(Yeah, I mean an actual cat. Sorry.)
12.
CaseyL
That guy looks absurdly pleased to be wearing the harness: “Hey, I might be unable to write, drive, or even wipe my own butt turn the damned pages of a book for the next coupla weeks, but Baby: I am stylin.’”
I disagree with everyone telling you to “go Galt for reals,” it’s times like this we most need you to keep us updated. Particularly since nobody is really sure if Tunch will attempt to devour you should you be a bit late serving his meals…
13.
Origuy
Maybe it’s time for another favorite podcast thread, to give John something to keep his mind busy.
Sucks, John. I feel for you. I shattered my ankle playing hockey the day before Halloween, had surgery (plate, 10 screws & 2 washers), and just started walking again without assistance this week. It really really, sucks. But hang in there.
22.
gex
If you’ve been putting off a Kindle purchase, now is the perfect time.
23.
madmatt
Used a similar sling, you can velcro a pencil or something similar to your hand and use that for flipping pages.
24.
bystander
How you gonna sleep with that thing? Can imagine a few other things that are going to be pretty tricky to do, too. Maybe you need a live-in for a bit?
At least it’s not this thing. My bother got to wear one for months after trying to separate his head from his shoulders snow boarding.
25.
Scuffletuffle
Jesus…I’ve been away…was it a naked mopping accident?
26.
Matt L.A.
uggghh, ice, i seriously don’t know how you all get up in the morning, much less walk the dog, go to work…..
did you at least get some good drugs out of the whole ordeal?
27.
grass
@Just Some Fuckhead:
I laughed far to hard at this to be mentally sound.
28.
MattR
@Scuffletuffle: Actually it was a naked moping accident :) The real answer is about three posts down (Never a Dull Moment)
even if I felt like a price idiot and guilty (yeah, my tribe does the guilt thing) for not reading the post where John told us what happened I had to heartily laugh at what you wrote. well played sir.
30.
FormerSwingVoter
…how are you typing? With proper capitalization and everything?
31.
licensed to kill time
I had no idea you were of the negro persuasion ;-)
(That would make an excellent name for a rock band.)
32.
CaseyL
When I broke my arm a few years back (my left arm, thankfully) I couldn’t even get dressed without help, which was a problem since I live alone. I stayed with some friends for the first few days, and after that my neighbors were ready to come galloping over if I needed ’em.
John, you do have friends, neighbors, family, someone to help you out, right?
33.
West of the Cascades
Should we start a fundraiser to get John some voice-recognition software so he can blog by just talking to his computer??
Dragon Naturally Speaking is supposed to be pretty good. ‘Course all voice recognition software has to be trained to your voice. Could make for some interesting posts for a bit.
@West of the Cascades: Or he can dictate and Tunch can blog for him.
Like Tunch can be trusted to do as John says.
Isn’t there some kind of voice to text app for phones that works pretty well these days? There’s gotta be somethign similar for a full fledged computer.
EDIT: D’oh. Should have read the actual original comment. Would have seen this was mentioned.
If he tried that, every blog post would read “I’M HUNGRY FEED ME” no matter what he actually said.
42.
Skepticat
@schrodinger’s cat: I believe that a cat often becomes affectionate in inverse proportion to how much you want to be touched. If it hurts John to hold anything or make sudden moves, Tunch will be launching himself at JC’s lap and shoulders.
Hope the contraption helps. Does that rig immobilize your scapula (as if anything could) or just keep you from pulling more on the surrounding muscles?
43.
Barry
Ouch. Good luck and rapid healing.
44.
Henry
Best of luck John!
For podcasts, I like On The Media, Commonwealth Club of California, This American Life, and RadioLab. I also started listening to Rachel Maddow’s show (on podcast), and I have to say she’s pretty damn good.
First, do you talk with a negro persuasion when you want to because I sure don’t see it in the writing. Also too, now you won’t feel embarrassed about having Lily dressed up like an old woman’s doggy. Also also too, this is what happens when you love your doggy more than Tunch, the King of the Castle. This is what Tunch has been warning you about.
47.
Scuffletuffle
Thanks, MattR, I’m now back in the loop and sending healing vibes to John as I type.
Get better soon, my friend. If I lived closer, I’d offer pet care assistance.
48.
Ash Can
This is what I am wearing
Hon, I wouldn’t mind being seen in public with that on my arm. Not at all. Nope. No, sir.
Can’t the black guy turn the pages for you while you wear him?
Only if he hasn’t made a pact with the Devil yet.
56.
Shell
Shit ‘n a half!
I’m so sorry, John, this sucks.
But agree with Casey upthread, the guy in the photo looks way too happy about having his arm in a sling. Makes me wonder what some other photos in a medical supplies catalog look like.
Is Lily expressing her appropriate gratitude?
57.
Morbo
I’m already bored. Can’t even turn the damned pages on a book.
This is why going Galt will be even harder with an injury.
58.
Cathie from Canada
So sorry to read about your accident — it will be a miserable time for you.
Here’s what you may find to be most frustrating — that none of your doctors will seem confident that you will heal, or how long it will take. Needless to say, this is very annoying, because it makes you think they don’t know what they are doing.
Actually, in spite of the fact that people have been treating broken bones for 5,000 years, doctors still can never know in any individual case whether everything will heal up properly or not — they can only x-ray you every week or every two weeks, and tell you how things are progressing.
Six weeks after I broke my leg, when I was frustrated with how long it was taking to heal, my husband said “However long it takes, you are six weeks closer to the end” And he was right, that was the way to look at it. In the end, it took two years, but it did heal eventually.
Well, at least you don’t live in sohsialeest Europe where you would have had to stand in front of a death panel after waiting for hours and hours at a third rate emergency room with peeling paint and rusty water and Dr. Frankenstein and having the surgery delayed for four years.
62.
L. Ron Obama
That picture is reminding me of Robocop.
63.
Tsulagi
Okay, now what you need to do is have your doctor tell your insurance carrier you need pre- and post-surgery physical therapy.
From one of the SO’s car accidents, her neck and a shoulder area were banged up. Didn’t need surgery, but her doctor prescribed physical therapy. For two months every week she got to soften up in a whirlpool followed by a professional massage. By a masseuse she said was in her later 20s, and hot. Damn, some people have all the luck.
64.
And Another Thing...
Pat Robertson called…it’s god’s punishment for all your threats to Go Galt. Seriously, get a Kindle! BUMMER !
65.
DBrown
Terrible – I wish you only the best and fast recovery – hang in there.
66.
gypsy howell
Is Tunch doing your typing?
John, I ask again, WHY ARE YOU STILL AT YOUR KEYBOARD? Jeez man, take a bunch of vicodins and give it a rest for a few hours.
Earlier this week I asked for suggestions on what to make in my brand new roasting pan. A couple people suggested brisket, so I tried a Oaxacan Style Braised Brisket (link to the picture, which has a link to the recipe).
Strangely, it took (way) more than twice as long as it was supposed to in the oven… but it turned out great… I just had to take the next day off work because I was so tired.
5 years ago I would have laughed pretty hard at someone who had to miss work because they were up all night cooking… unless “cooking” was a euphemism… what have I become? Oh yeah… old. :)
68.
gbear
John, I linked to these Get a Grip shoe treads late in the earlier thread, but wanted to point them out again. They’re easy to use, cheap and they work. Amazon has them but this elder care site has them cheaper. Best wishes and I hope you don’t wind up using any of the products on the sidebar at that site I linked to.
69.
gypsy howell
PS- I would think a button down shirt would be much easier to get in and out of in your condition, but hey, go with that blue pullover thing if that’s how you roll.
70.
==-+
I broke my right wrist a few years back. I’m right handed of course. Let me tell you that wiping your ass with your left hand without dunking it in the toilet bowl is easier said than done.
71.
YellowJournalism
It’s time for Jojo the helper monkey.
When I came to the front page, I hadn’t seen the post about the injury and my browser just showed the top half of this picture. I could only see the strap on the guy’s shoulder, the bit about him currently wearing this, and thought John was now advocating the use of man purses.
72.
joeyess
Bad deal, John.
But look on the bright side: If sometime in the near future you have to do a meet and greet, you’re perfectly set up for the event.
Get well soon John! Sorry to hear about your accident.
PS: I would jump on that hot arm brace model like Tunch pouncing on a cooked chicken breast!
78.
Jon Wiesman
Get a Kindle. One-handed reading FTW.
79.
elmo
Just in case you’re done reading the comments to the previous post and didn’t see mine, let me recommend again both the PlayStation Store and streaming Netflix to the PS3. The entire universe of TV and movies, both current and old, available at a click. It’s unfreakinbelievable.
And again — you’re a mensch, John, for all the care you take of Lily.
80.
GReynoldsCT00
You know, Tunch is secretly pleased about this. Ain’t no way you will be able to furminate him anytime soon.
81.
Jim Once
I was given two Kindles for Christmas. Should I send one your way?
82.
General Winfield Stuck
Luckily for you, there’s a current shortage of one armed O-bots, but learning to organ grind with one hand will take some time.
83.
Polish the Guillotines
Does that thing come with a frickin’ laser beam attached to it?
You are wearing a fraternity beer holder? Awesome. Sounds like a great time brotherrrrrr
85.
General Winfield Stuck
And take it easy Cole. After I ruptured my Achilles tendon many years ago I would not listen and kept working and playing (partying) like nothing had happened, and it took a couple of years to heal after retearing it partially several times.
And two years is a long time to wear a leg cast off and on. I was young and stupid then, as opposed to just stoopid now, but that’s another story. Give your body time to heal is all.
Sorry to hear about your accident, John. Hope everything heals quickly. I also hope you have good health insurance. This could get expensive.
88.
Betsy
I can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?**
Kidding. So sorry to hear about your bad break (pun very much intended). I hope you’re well and truly doped up and thus relatively pain-free. Hang in there! Sending good vibes your way!
** I was away for a week and change and this is what I see upon returning to the blog!
89.
Face
I’m already bored. Can’t even turn the damned pages on a book.
How do you teach with that thing on? Can you still chalk-talk and power-please the students with that S&M device attached to your love handles?
Jeeze John. Take care of yourself. BTW, Lily may not much care for walking w/o booties, but she ain’t exactly barefoot and can manage it fine if you don’t get stupid and leave her out for hours. She didn’t care for it and you promptly told her you’d deal with it – funny she didn’t say no.
Best wishes on a speedy recovery, John. Lily is quite the lucky lady to have you.
93.
Perry
I’m really sorry about your injury. About 10 years ago I fell while biking and busted up my left shoulder in a dozen pieces. I was a pretty good golfer so I was bummed out worrying about getting function back. A bit of advice. The quality of your surgery will determine a range of possible outcomes re regaining function, but it up to you, via physio, to get to the highest possible point on that range.
94.
Anne Laurie
Get well soon, John!
Physical therapy will be your best friend, once the pain meds stop filling that role. But a selection of pillows in various shapes & densities to use as props will also make your days that significant little bit happier. Especially since tomorrow you may discover bruises related to your fall in places you didn’t know had hit the ground.
95.
El Tiburon
Can you get the shirt in other colors, or just blue?
96.
Jean
At first, I thought the photo was some kind of StarTrek ad.
97.
RareSanity
Holy Schnikees….just read the first thread…
Get well soon John!
Seeing that you’re in such good shape, it should take you no time to heal!
…what’s that? (touches fake earpice)…
…*mutters* whaddaya mean that’s not him?…
Uh, this just in, John Cole is not a colorednegroAfro American African American man with a HUGE “sling”. He maybe a caucasian man with a slightly smaller “sling”.
Look at the bright side, you’re all set for square dancing night at your local juke joint!
Oh NO, this is horrible. How did you get yourself to the ER?!?!? Hope you have a speedy recovery!
99.
Tattoosydney
Best wishes mr cole
100.
WaterGirl
@Jim Once: What a generous offer. I suggest you keep posting it on every thread until John has no alternative but to graciously take you up on your kind offer.
101.
Something Fabulous
John Cole! Adding my OH NOES from reading the previous thread. Get well soon! Don’t be a tough guy and ignore what the Drs and PTs tell you! Treat yourself well, please!
Your story of attempting to fix it yourself [with a DOORKNOB?!?!] did make me laugh/wonder in recognition if you had been a medic– one of my oldest friends always tells stories about her dad-the-vietnam-vet-medic’s absurd self-sufficiency and how he attempted to cure all his accident-prone children’s ailments basically with vaseline and to shrug it off. I used to think the stories were mostly exaggeration for effect, until the day I finally met him at a family party where the youngest daughter was thinking about getting a tattoo, and he said, “If you want one that badly, I’LL do it–how hard could it be to learn?”
Get well soon John. Like everyone else said, relax, take the pain meds, catch up on some music. You know I might be overreaching here but I would be very, very careful around Lily right now, I know you all think I am weird but she probably blames herself for this and is more than likely a) very sad, and b) probably terrified that you are mad at her and going to give her away or something. Try not to give any impression that you blame her or that you are mad at her. You may be suffering with the physical pain but I bet poor little Lily is just besides herself right now cause she broke her hooman. Blessed be.
103.
Skepticat
@Litlebritdifrnt: Or she’s thinking, “How did I get stuck with a klutz like this who thinks that I’m fun to juggle? Perhaps I should be auditioning people who can walk properly. And who buy me boots for my poor paws.”
104.
SiubhanDuinne
John Cole and Pam Anderson between them have four good arms.
105.
Jackie
Hope you get through this and are as good as new. Second the advise to not underdo the pain meds post op. They don’t give a discount for tough guy suffering in silence.
I also endorse the yak traks, for anyone who has to walk in icy conditions, dog or no dog. Just walking to and from the car can land you on the ground and they transfer fairly easily to different shoes. I leave one pair on my winter dog walking shoes and have the other pair for other shoes. It has saved my bacon more than once.
106.
brat
Oh….serious bummer. Good luck with surgery and the recoup.
Dude. Back away from the computer. Now. I’m using my stern voice. Take a nap. Eat something. Watch TV. Go already! (shooing you with appropriate hand motions).
110.
General Winfield Stuck
@asiangrrlMN: Probly got the good stuff, maybe Demerol. He’ll be passed out drooling afore long.
I feel your pain. I had surgery for a dislocated shoulder and had to wear one of those braces for about six weeks.
The sleeping while sitting up is a pain, but it’s made better if you can lay on a recliner (I only had a loveseat, so I had to pile up a bunch of pillows/blankets next to me) and get one of those U-shaped pillows that people use to sleep on airplanes.
Sorry about the bad break, John. It was a shock to read when I got out of bed this afternoon. Here’s hoping the surgery goes well and you mend quickly.
If not, please make sure to disrobe before checking out so Tunch can have an easier time of snacking on you. Thanks. ;-)
Get well soon John.
In the meantime get a Kindle and someone to make you one of these from Randall Munroe at xkcd.
Other Kindlers might also be interested.
John, I’m sending my best wishes your way, in between fits of laughter at the bucketloads of win found in this thread.
Have you figured out yet how to haul your pants back up with just one hand after using the crapper? It’s more difficult than you’d think.
What about bathing? Can you shower with that thing, or are you going to have to smell like eau de hobo for the next while?
Glad to hear that Tammy and Brian and your brother are helping you out — they’re good people.
118.
DonkeyKong
How is a tailored blue tee shirt stopping you from turning pages in a book?
119.
Cathyish
@John Cole: John, I feel your pain. Rather, I felt a similar pain on Dec 4. I fell, shattered my wrist, had closed reduction in the ER, but 10 days later had ORIF (open reduction internal fixation – screws and a plate).
Balloon Juice and a Kindle helped with the boredom – and, ok – I’ve become addicted to the stupid games on Facebook (“my name is Cathy and I’m a Farmville addict…”)
I’ve been able to return to work on light duty and I’ll start PT next week. Of course, your recovery will be different (probably longer, sorry).
I’m not sure what my point is, but I wanted you to know you weren’t alone. Hang in there!
120.
pika
This will probably get me cast out of my occasional commenting, but on the Howard Stern Show a few months ago, Robin Quivers broke her arm in multiple places while rollerblading. She had one of those contraptions, and the cast referred to it endlessly as her arm-couch. Anyhoo, John, I’m sorry about the accident–truly–and am glad it can be fixed though sad about the recovery time it will take. Thank you for sharing with us so much that happens to and around you–
I’m a west coaster and a little late to this party, but I had an incident tonight that totally reminded me of you:
I drove up to my local Whole Foods, a place I love to go to btw, and I parked next to this car with a bumper sticker I had never seen before, naturally on a Prius. It said “George W. Obama.” This made me crazy, I literally screamed in my car I hated it so much. Yes, I am an “o-bot” so there! (snarky on the Prius, I would own one if I could)
I walk into the store in a bad mood but lo and behold, I see Regina King! I want to tell here “OMG I’m so happy Southland is being picked up by TNT! It’s such a good show! ” I don’t though, I’m an L.A. native we don’t do things like that ;)
I thought maybe you could sympathize with the highs and lows of my dinner visit to a suburban L.A. Whole Foods tonight ha ha
125.
electricgrendel
Dude. That absolutely sucks. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope the doctors can make you as comfortable as possible until this gets healed. Good luck, though, because this is going to be a long road.
126.
electricgrendel
Dude. That absolutely sucks. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope the doctors can make you as comfortable as possible until this gets healed. Good luck, though, because this is going to be a long road.
I second the recommendation to plan your sleep setup carefully. One of the unexpected side effects of my recuperation (compound fracture of the jaw) was back pain–extreme back pain–due to sleeping in a tense/weird position, trying to avoid any movement and avoid putting any pressure on the side of my face that was worse off. My back seized up, and there was one three-day period where I basically went without sleep except for micro-dozes because it hurt too much to lie down and all I could do was sit in a chair with a heating pad wrapped around my lower back.
Not trying to be a downer, Cole, but I’m saying that this injury is probably bigger than you perceive it to be right now. So take it easy, be obedient to your awareness of what’s going on with your body, and, as I said earlier, be good to yourself.
129.
Dr. Morpheus
Wait a minute, why is a blue shirt preventing you from turning the pages in a book?
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cleek
is that guy holding a hand grenade ?
Ryan S.
Oh noes. dislocated?
Keith
That thing needs a thumb brace so you can always be telling everyone that it’s A-OK.
ScottyMac
I had no idea you were so hot.
Zandar
One-handing a Kindle FTW. :)
long time lurker
i wish you all the best for a speedy recovery!
Ann B. Nonymous
Probably an excellent time to enjoy your music library. (Avoid the news.)
Just Some Fuckhead
Can’t the black guy turn the pages for you while you wear him?
valdivia
sorry John I did not realize you were injured (from the earlier thread). you have people to run errands for you and take care of you right? you could also train Tunch or Lilly to do these things. Hmm. Maybe not.
Feel better!
Legalize
OMG, Cole is really Sammy Sosa!
Chyron HR
Wow, you can’t even pet your cat… if you know what I mean.
(Yeah, I mean an actual cat. Sorry.)
CaseyL
That guy looks absurdly pleased to be wearing the harness: “Hey, I might be unable to write, drive, or even
wipe my own buttturn the damned pages of a book for the next coupla weeks, but Baby: I am stylin.’”I disagree with everyone telling you to “go Galt for reals,” it’s times like this we most need you to keep us updated. Particularly since nobody is really sure if Tunch will attempt to devour you should you be a bit late serving his meals…
Origuy
Maybe it’s time for another favorite podcast thread, to give John something to keep his mind busy.
The ones I’m listening to:
Reduced Shakespeare Company — insides about theater, Shakespeare, comedy, etc.
http://www.reducedshakespeare.com
Naked Archeology — not the guy on the History Channel, this is one of a set of podcasts from the Naked Scientists.
http://www.thenakedscientists.com/
BBC History Magazine
Not only British history, but mostly.
http://www.bbchistorymagazine.com/
Jon H
Look at the bright side. After you heal up, you can use that thing as the basis for a steadicam rig.
gbear
I’m going to guess that you’re wearing the brace, not the big smile.
I second Ann B’s suggestion. Might be a good time to lay back and rediscover some old favorite albums.
schrodinger's cat
How is Tunch dealing with this new development? Is he more affectionate?
kommrade reproductive vigor
Oh noes! John is such an Obot he’s turned into a black guy.
eastriver
It’s a pretty color blue.
Doctor Science
I just saw the earlier thread. Ohhhh noooooooo!! Podcasts are definitely going to be crucial to your survival.
San
Speedy recovery!
Time for audio books?
Oh, and you might be needing a lot of pillows around at night, to prevent you from rolling over the injury.
Bret
Sucks, John. I feel for you. I shattered my ankle playing hockey the day before Halloween, had surgery (plate, 10 screws & 2 washers), and just started walking again without assistance this week. It really really, sucks. But hang in there.
gex
If you’ve been putting off a Kindle purchase, now is the perfect time.
madmatt
Used a similar sling, you can velcro a pencil or something similar to your hand and use that for flipping pages.
bystander
How you gonna sleep with that thing? Can imagine a few other things that are going to be pretty tricky to do, too. Maybe you need a live-in for a bit?
At least it’s not this thing. My bother got to wear one for months after trying to separate his head from his shoulders snow boarding.
Scuffletuffle
Jesus…I’ve been away…was it a naked mopping accident?
Matt L.A.
uggghh, ice, i seriously don’t know how you all get up in the morning, much less walk the dog, go to work…..
did you at least get some good drugs out of the whole ordeal?
grass
@Just Some Fuckhead:
I laughed far to hard at this to be mentally sound.
MattR
@Scuffletuffle: Actually it was a naked moping accident :) The real answer is about three posts down (Never a Dull Moment)
valdivia
@Just Some Fuckhead:
even if I felt like a price idiot and guilty (yeah, my tribe does the guilt thing) for not reading the post where John told us what happened I had to heartily laugh at what you wrote. well played sir.
FormerSwingVoter
…how are you typing? With proper capitalization and everything?
licensed to kill time
I had no idea you were of the negro persuasion ;-)
(That would make an excellent name for a rock band.)
CaseyL
When I broke my arm a few years back (my left arm, thankfully) I couldn’t even get dressed without help, which was a problem since I live alone. I stayed with some friends for the first few days, and after that my neighbors were ready to come galloping over if I needed ’em.
John, you do have friends, neighbors, family, someone to help you out, right?
West of the Cascades
Should we start a fundraiser to get John some voice-recognition software so he can blog by just talking to his computer??
licensed to kill time
@Keith: Buddy Cole!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Buddy_christ.jpg
(don’t know how to paste links in edit)
schrodinger's cat
@West of the Cascades: Or he can dictate and Tunch can blog for him.
Col. Klink
Don’t try and get that thing on an airplane.
fasteddie
I’m sorry you got hurt, but you should just let your dog walk. She’ll do fine. Dogs pull sleds across Alaska, for Pete’s sake. Sheesh.
The Grand Panjandrum
I see Cole is good at using just one hand. At least your social life won’t be impinged upon.
bystander
@West of the Cascades:
Dragon Naturally Speaking is supposed to be pretty good. ‘Course all voice recognition software has to be trained to your voice. Could make for some interesting posts for a bit.
MattR
@schrodinger’s cat:
Like Tunch can be trusted to do as John says.
Isn’t there some kind of voice to text app for phones that works pretty well these days? There’s gotta be somethign similar for a full fledged computer.
EDIT: D’oh. Should have read the actual original comment. Would have seen this was mentioned.
FormerSwingVoter
@schrodinger’s cat:
If he tried that, every blog post would read “I’M HUNGRY FEED ME” no matter what he actually said.
Skepticat
@schrodinger’s cat: I believe that a cat often becomes affectionate in inverse proportion to how much you want to be touched. If it hurts John to hold anything or make sudden moves, Tunch will be launching himself at JC’s lap and shoulders.
Hope the contraption helps. Does that rig immobilize your scapula (as if anything could) or just keep you from pulling more on the surrounding muscles?
Barry
Ouch. Good luck and rapid healing.
Henry
Best of luck John!
For podcasts, I like On The Media, Commonwealth Club of California, This American Life, and RadioLab. I also started listening to Rachel Maddow’s show (on podcast), and I have to say she’s pretty damn good.
John Cole
@CaseyL: Tammy and Brian, and my brother lives a couple miles away. I am fine.
@FormerSwingVoter: Left hand.
mai naem
First, do you talk with a negro persuasion when you want to because I sure don’t see it in the writing. Also too, now you won’t feel embarrassed about having Lily dressed up like an old woman’s doggy. Also also too, this is what happens when you love your doggy more than Tunch, the King of the Castle. This is what Tunch has been warning you about.
Scuffletuffle
Thanks, MattR, I’m now back in the loop and sending healing vibes to John as I type.
Get better soon, my friend. If I lived closer, I’d offer pet care assistance.
Ash Can
Hon, I wouldn’t mind being seen in public with that on my arm. Not at all. Nope. No, sir.
…Oh, the brace. Got it. Never mind.
(/dirty old lady)
kommrade reproductive vigor
@West of the Cascades: I was thinking we could pitch in for a very attractive and animal-friendly nurse.
gwangung
@The Grand Panjandrum: All sorts of win.
kommrade reproductive vigor
@FormerSwingVoter: I wish you all would stop with the jokes. Cole’s seriously hurt and [snerk] ‘Feed me’ Mwahahaha!
SiubhanDuinne
@West of the Cascades:
Why don’t we all just go on speakerphone and conference call round the clock?
Randy P
This is what you’re wearing? The blue shirt looks OK on that guy, I’m sure it looks fine on you. Or is that a picture of you?
What? You’re not talking about the shirt? Oh.
…
…
Well, I don’t see anything particularly wrong with the pants either. Certainly nothing that would prevent you from reading.
@Ash Can: I see we went in slightly different directions with basically the same joke.
fidelio
Ouch, and my sympathies. But dude, at least you aren’t having to try and figure out how to fasten a brassiere.
When sitting, try resting the arm on a pillow–it helps.
Midnight Marauder
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Only if he hasn’t made a pact with the Devil yet.
Shell
Shit ‘n a half!
I’m so sorry, John, this sucks.
But agree with Casey upthread, the guy in the photo looks way too happy about having his arm in a sling. Makes me wonder what some other photos in a medical supplies catalog look like.
Is Lily expressing her appropriate gratitude?
Morbo
This is why going Galt will be even harder with an injury.
Cathie from Canada
So sorry to read about your accident — it will be a miserable time for you.
Here’s what you may find to be most frustrating — that none of your doctors will seem confident that you will heal, or how long it will take. Needless to say, this is very annoying, because it makes you think they don’t know what they are doing.
Actually, in spite of the fact that people have been treating broken bones for 5,000 years, doctors still can never know in any individual case whether everything will heal up properly or not — they can only x-ray you every week or every two weeks, and tell you how things are progressing.
Six weeks after I broke my leg, when I was frustrated with how long it was taking to heal, my husband said “However long it takes, you are six weeks closer to the end” And he was right, that was the way to look at it. In the end, it took two years, but it did heal eventually.
hypusine
You fell down and got up
negroblack?(get well soon!)
Kris
@Just Some Fuckhead:
LOL. Win.
mai naem
Well, at least you don’t live in sohsialeest Europe where you would have had to stand in front of a death panel after waiting for hours and hours at a third rate emergency room with peeling paint and rusty water and Dr. Frankenstein and having the surgery delayed for four years.
L. Ron Obama
That picture is reminding me of Robocop.
Tsulagi
Okay, now what you need to do is have your doctor tell your insurance carrier you need pre- and post-surgery physical therapy.
From one of the SO’s car accidents, her neck and a shoulder area were banged up. Didn’t need surgery, but her doctor prescribed physical therapy. For two months every week she got to soften up in a whirlpool followed by a professional massage. By a masseuse she said was in her later 20s, and hot. Damn, some people have all the luck.
And Another Thing...
Pat Robertson called…it’s god’s punishment for all your threats to Go Galt. Seriously, get a Kindle! BUMMER !
DBrown
Terrible – I wish you only the best and fast recovery – hang in there.
gypsy howell
Is Tunch doing your typing?
John, I ask again, WHY ARE YOU STILL AT YOUR KEYBOARD? Jeez man, take a bunch of vicodins and give it a rest for a few hours.
J.W. Hamner
Earlier this week I asked for suggestions on what to make in my brand new roasting pan. A couple people suggested brisket, so I tried a Oaxacan Style Braised Brisket (link to the picture, which has a link to the recipe).
Strangely, it took (way) more than twice as long as it was supposed to in the oven… but it turned out great… I just had to take the next day off work because I was so tired.
5 years ago I would have laughed pretty hard at someone who had to miss work because they were up all night cooking… unless “cooking” was a euphemism… what have I become? Oh yeah… old. :)
gbear
John, I linked to these Get a Grip shoe treads late in the earlier thread, but wanted to point them out again. They’re easy to use, cheap and they work. Amazon has them but this elder care site has them cheaper. Best wishes and I hope you don’t wind up using any of the products on the sidebar at that site I linked to.
gypsy howell
PS- I would think a button down shirt would be much easier to get in and out of in your condition, but hey, go with that blue pullover thing if that’s how you roll.
==-+
I broke my right wrist a few years back. I’m right handed of course. Let me tell you that wiping your ass with your left hand without dunking it in the toilet bowl is easier said than done.
YellowJournalism
It’s time for Jojo the helper monkey.
When I came to the front page, I hadn’t seen the post about the injury and my browser just showed the top half of this picture. I could only see the strap on the guy’s shoulder, the bit about him currently wearing this, and thought John was now advocating the use of man purses.
joeyess
Bad deal, John.
But look on the bright side: If sometime in the near future you have to do a meet and greet, you’re perfectly set up for the event.
Scott
Holy crap, just read the post a few below this one — hope you get healed up and feeling better as quickly as possible…
jrg
That thing looks like the right-hand controls to a jet pack.
raymond
Sorry about the shoulder, John. On the bright side, you’re not looking for medical care in Haiti.
Also, the Balloon Juice fundraising thread is 6th on the ActBlue Coakley page. A mere 5k more and we’ll pass that geezer Leahy.
ActBlue Coakley page
Send in some scratch now. Do it for John!!!!! (sob)
Phoebe
@grass: me too
Faux News
Get well soon John! Sorry to hear about your accident.
PS: I would jump on that hot arm brace model like Tunch pouncing on a cooked chicken breast!
Jon Wiesman
Get a Kindle. One-handed reading FTW.
elmo
Just in case you’re done reading the comments to the previous post and didn’t see mine, let me recommend again both the PlayStation Store and streaming Netflix to the PS3. The entire universe of TV and movies, both current and old, available at a click. It’s unfreakinbelievable.
And again — you’re a mensch, John, for all the care you take of Lily.
GReynoldsCT00
You know, Tunch is secretly pleased about this. Ain’t no way you will be able to furminate him anytime soon.
Jim Once
I was given two Kindles for Christmas. Should I send one your way?
General Winfield Stuck
Luckily for you, there’s a current shortage of one armed O-bots, but learning to organ grind with one hand will take some time.
Polish the Guillotines
Does that thing come with a frickin’ laser beam attached to it?
Frank Chow
You are wearing a fraternity beer holder? Awesome. Sounds like a great time brotherrrrrr
General Winfield Stuck
And take it easy Cole. After I ruptured my Achilles tendon many years ago I would not listen and kept working and playing (partying) like nothing had happened, and it took a couple of years to heal after retearing it partially several times.
And two years is a long time to wear a leg cast off and on. I was young and stupid then, as opposed to just stoopid now, but that’s another story. Give your body time to heal is all.
Punchy
Or TE Tony Gonzales.
john@MM
Sorry to hear about your accident, John. Hope everything heals quickly. I also hope you have good health insurance. This could get expensive.
Betsy
I can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?**
Kidding. So sorry to hear about your bad break (pun very much intended). I hope you’re well and truly doped up and thus relatively pain-free. Hang in there! Sending good vibes your way!
** I was away for a week and change and this is what I see upon returning to the blog!
Face
How do you teach with that thing on? Can you still chalk-talk and power-please the students with that S&M device attached to your love handles?
Chuck Butcher
Jeeze John. Take care of yourself. BTW, Lily may not much care for walking w/o booties, but she ain’t exactly barefoot and can manage it fine if you don’t get stupid and leave her out for hours. She didn’t care for it and you promptly told her you’d deal with it – funny she didn’t say no.
Chuck Butcher
I repeat my thanks from a previous thread.
James Hare
Best wishes on a speedy recovery, John. Lily is quite the lucky lady to have you.
Perry
I’m really sorry about your injury. About 10 years ago I fell while biking and busted up my left shoulder in a dozen pieces. I was a pretty good golfer so I was bummed out worrying about getting function back. A bit of advice. The quality of your surgery will determine a range of possible outcomes re regaining function, but it up to you, via physio, to get to the highest possible point on that range.
Anne Laurie
Get well soon, John!
Physical therapy will be your best friend, once the pain meds stop filling that role. But a selection of pillows in various shapes & densities to use as props will also make your days that significant little bit happier. Especially since tomorrow you may discover bruises related to your fall in places you didn’t know had hit the ground.
El Tiburon
Can you get the shirt in other colors, or just blue?
Jean
At first, I thought the photo was some kind of StarTrek ad.
RareSanity
Holy Schnikees….just read the first thread…
Get well soon John!
Seeing that you’re in such good shape, it should take you no time to heal!
…what’s that? (touches fake earpice)…
…*mutters* whaddaya mean that’s not him?…
Uh, this just in, John Cole is not a
colorednegroAfro AmericanAfrican American man with a HUGE “sling”. He maybe a caucasian man with a slightly smaller “sling”.Look at the bright side, you’re all set for square dancing night at your local juke joint!
Charity
Oh NO, this is horrible. How did you get yourself to the ER?!?!? Hope you have a speedy recovery!
Tattoosydney
Best wishes mr cole
WaterGirl
@Jim Once: What a generous offer. I suggest you keep posting it on every thread until John has no alternative but to graciously take you up on your kind offer.
Something Fabulous
John Cole! Adding my OH NOES from reading the previous thread. Get well soon! Don’t be a tough guy and ignore what the Drs and PTs tell you! Treat yourself well, please!
Your story of attempting to fix it yourself [with a DOORKNOB?!?!] did make me laugh/wonder in recognition if you had been a medic– one of my oldest friends always tells stories about her dad-the-vietnam-vet-medic’s absurd self-sufficiency and how he attempted to cure all his accident-prone children’s ailments basically with vaseline and to shrug it off. I used to think the stories were mostly exaggeration for effect, until the day I finally met him at a family party where the youngest daughter was thinking about getting a tattoo, and he said, “If you want one that badly, I’LL do it–how hard could it be to learn?”
Litlebritdifrnt
Get well soon John. Like everyone else said, relax, take the pain meds, catch up on some music. You know I might be overreaching here but I would be very, very careful around Lily right now, I know you all think I am weird but she probably blames herself for this and is more than likely a) very sad, and b) probably terrified that you are mad at her and going to give her away or something. Try not to give any impression that you blame her or that you are mad at her. You may be suffering with the physical pain but I bet poor little Lily is just besides herself right now cause she broke her hooman. Blessed be.
Skepticat
@Litlebritdifrnt: Or she’s thinking, “How did I get stuck with a klutz like this who thinks that I’m fun to juggle? Perhaps I should be auditioning people who can walk properly. And who buy me boots for my poor paws.”
SiubhanDuinne
John Cole and Pam Anderson between them have four good arms.
Jackie
Hope you get through this and are as good as new. Second the advise to not underdo the pain meds post op. They don’t give a discount for tough guy suffering in silence.
I also endorse the yak traks, for anyone who has to walk in icy conditions, dog or no dog. Just walking to and from the car can land you on the ground and they transfer fairly easily to different shoes. I leave one pair on my winter dog walking shoes and have the other pair for other shoes. It has saved my bacon more than once.
brat
Oh….serious bummer. Good luck with surgery and the recoup.
freelancer
In other WTF news, “To Catch a Weapons Inspector”
Well, that’s a bit disappointing…
You just know this is Obama’s fault
gbear
@SiubhanDuinne:
Wow. That’s a blast from the past. I’d forgotten about that old PETA (People Equipped with Three Appendages) ad.
asiangrrlMN
Dude. Back away from the computer. Now. I’m using my stern voice. Take a nap. Eat something. Watch TV. Go already! (shooing you with appropriate hand motions).
General Winfield Stuck
@asiangrrlMN: Probly got the good stuff, maybe Demerol. He’ll be passed out drooling afore long.
Litlebritdifrnt
@Skepticat:
No that is what Tunch would be thinking.
Sarah
oh no! i’m so sorry to hear about this!!! the kitties and i send our condolences.
fbihop
I feel your pain. I had surgery for a dislocated shoulder and had to wear one of those braces for about six weeks.
The sleeping while sitting up is a pain, but it’s made better if you can lay on a recliner (I only had a loveseat, so I had to pile up a bunch of pillows/blankets next to me) and get one of those U-shaped pillows that people use to sleep on airplanes.
robertdsc
@SiubhanDuinne:
Hahahaha.
Sorry about the bad break, John. It was a shock to read when I got out of bed this afternoon. Here’s hoping the surgery goes well and you mend quickly.
If not, please make sure to disrobe before checking out so Tunch can have an easier time of snacking on you. Thanks. ;-)
Thoughtcrime
@jrg:
“Cole, John Cole”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zVVC2UKKRI
chris
Get well soon John.
In the meantime get a Kindle and someone to make you one of these from Randall Munroe at xkcd.
Other Kindlers might also be interested.
RedKitten
John, I’m sending my best wishes your way, in between fits of laughter at the bucketloads of win found in this thread.
Have you figured out yet how to haul your pants back up with just one hand after using the crapper? It’s more difficult than you’d think.
What about bathing? Can you shower with that thing, or are you going to have to smell like eau de hobo for the next while?
Glad to hear that Tammy and Brian and your brother are helping you out — they’re good people.
DonkeyKong
How is a tailored blue tee shirt stopping you from turning pages in a book?
Cathyish
@John Cole: John, I feel your pain. Rather, I felt a similar pain on Dec 4. I fell, shattered my wrist, had closed reduction in the ER, but 10 days later had ORIF (open reduction internal fixation – screws and a plate).
Balloon Juice and a Kindle helped with the boredom – and, ok – I’ve become addicted to the stupid games on Facebook (“my name is Cathy and I’m a Farmville addict…”)
I’ve been able to return to work on light duty and I’ll start PT next week. Of course, your recovery will be different (probably longer, sorry).
I’m not sure what my point is, but I wanted you to know you weren’t alone. Hang in there!
pika
This will probably get me cast out of my occasional commenting, but on the Howard Stern Show a few months ago, Robin Quivers broke her arm in multiple places while rollerblading. She had one of those contraptions, and the cast referred to it endlessly as her arm-couch. Anyhoo, John, I’m sorry about the accident–truly–and am glad it can be fixed though sad about the recovery time it will take. Thank you for sharing with us so much that happens to and around you–
Cathyish
@==-+: Word.
Steeplejack
Funny, I always pictured Cole as a white guy. Huh. Still in good shape for, what, almost 40, though.
CatStaff
@WaterGirl:
I agree 100%, and when he does, I’ll spring for the cost of two e-books of John’s choice to start filling it up.
silentbeep
@John Cole:
I’m a west coaster and a little late to this party, but I had an incident tonight that totally reminded me of you:
I drove up to my local Whole Foods, a place I love to go to btw, and I parked next to this car with a bumper sticker I had never seen before, naturally on a Prius. It said “George W. Obama.” This made me crazy, I literally screamed in my car I hated it so much. Yes, I am an “o-bot” so there! (snarky on the Prius, I would own one if I could)
I walk into the store in a bad mood but lo and behold, I see Regina King! I want to tell here “OMG I’m so happy Southland is being picked up by TNT! It’s such a good show! ” I don’t though, I’m an L.A. native we don’t do things like that ;)
I thought maybe you could sympathize with the highs and lows of my dinner visit to a suburban L.A. Whole Foods tonight ha ha
electricgrendel
Dude. That absolutely sucks. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope the doctors can make you as comfortable as possible until this gets healed. Good luck, though, because this is going to be a long road.
electricgrendel
Dude. That absolutely sucks. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope the doctors can make you as comfortable as possible until this gets healed. Good luck, though, because this is going to be a long road.
Steeplejack
@hypusine:
Win.
Steeplejack
@fbihop:
I second the recommendation to plan your sleep setup carefully. One of the unexpected side effects of my recuperation (compound fracture of the jaw) was back pain–extreme back pain–due to sleeping in a tense/weird position, trying to avoid any movement and avoid putting any pressure on the side of my face that was worse off. My back seized up, and there was one three-day period where I basically went without sleep except for micro-dozes because it hurt too much to lie down and all I could do was sit in a chair with a heating pad wrapped around my lower back.
Not trying to be a downer, Cole, but I’m saying that this injury is probably bigger than you perceive it to be right now. So take it easy, be obedient to your awareness of what’s going on with your body, and, as I said earlier, be good to yourself.
Dr. Morpheus
Wait a minute, why is a blue shirt preventing you from turning the pages in a book?