Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

Infrastructure week. at last.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

In my day, never was longer.

Bark louder, little dog.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Second rate reporter says what?

“But what about the lurkers?”

A Senator Walker would be an insult to the state and the nation.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Let there be snark.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

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129Comments

  9. 9.

    valdivia

    sorry John I did not realize you were injured (from the earlier thread). you have people to run errands for you and take care of you right? you could also train Tunch or Lilly to do these things. Hmm. Maybe not.

    Feel better!

  11. 11.

    Chyron HR

    Wow, you can’t even pet your cat… if you know what I mean.

    (Yeah, I mean an actual cat. Sorry.)

  12. 12.

    CaseyL

    That guy looks absurdly pleased to be wearing the harness: “Hey, I might be unable to write, drive, or even wipe my own butt turn the damned pages of a book for the next coupla weeks, but Baby: I am stylin.’”

    I disagree with everyone telling you to “go Galt for reals,” it’s times like this we most need you to keep us updated. Particularly since nobody is really sure if Tunch will attempt to devour you should you be a bit late serving his meals…

  13. 13.

    Origuy

    Maybe it’s time for another favorite podcast thread, to give John something to keep his mind busy.

    The ones I’m listening to:
    Reduced Shakespeare Company — insides about theater, Shakespeare, comedy, etc.
    http://www.reducedshakespeare.com
    Naked Archeology — not the guy on the History Channel, this is one of a set of podcasts from the Naked Scientists.
    http://www.thenakedscientists.com/
    BBC History Magazine
    Not only British history, but mostly.
    http://www.bbchistorymagazine.com/

  14. 14.

    Jon H

    Look at the bright side. After you heal up, you can use that thing as the basis for a steadicam rig.

  15. 15.

    gbear

    This is what I am wearing

    I’m going to guess that you’re wearing the brace, not the big smile.

    I second Ann B’s suggestion. Might be a good time to lay back and rediscover some old favorite albums.

  20. 20.

    San

    Speedy recovery!

    Time for audio books?

    Oh, and you might be needing a lot of pillows around at night, to prevent you from rolling over the injury.

  21. 21.

    Bret

    Sucks, John. I feel for you. I shattered my ankle playing hockey the day before Halloween, had surgery (plate, 10 screws & 2 washers), and just started walking again without assistance this week. It really really, sucks. But hang in there.

  23. 23.

    madmatt

    Used a similar sling, you can velcro a pencil or something similar to your hand and use that for flipping pages.

  24. 24.

    bystander

    How you gonna sleep with that thing? Can imagine a few other things that are going to be pretty tricky to do, too. Maybe you need a live-in for a bit?

    At least it’s not this thing. My bother got to wear one for months after trying to separate his head from his shoulders snow boarding.

  26. 26.

    Matt L.A.

    uggghh, ice, i seriously don’t know how you all get up in the morning, much less walk the dog, go to work…..

    did you at least get some good drugs out of the whole ordeal?

  29. 29.

    valdivia

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    even if I felt like a price idiot and guilty (yeah, my tribe does the guilt thing) for not reading the post where John told us what happened I had to heartily laugh at what you wrote. well played sir.

  31. 31.

    licensed to kill time

    I had no idea you were of the negro persuasion ;-)

    (That would make an excellent name for a rock band.)

  32. 32.

    CaseyL

    When I broke my arm a few years back (my left arm, thankfully) I couldn’t even get dressed without help, which was a problem since I live alone. I stayed with some friends for the first few days, and after that my neighbors were ready to come galloping over if I needed ’em.

    John, you do have friends, neighbors, family, someone to help you out, right?

  33. 33.

    West of the Cascades

    Should we start a fundraiser to get John some voice-recognition software so he can blog by just talking to his computer??

  37. 37.

    fasteddie

    I’m sorry you got hurt, but you should just let your dog walk. She’ll do fine. Dogs pull sleds across Alaska, for Pete’s sake. Sheesh.

  39. 39.

    bystander

    @West of the Cascades:

    Dragon Naturally Speaking is supposed to be pretty good. ‘Course all voice recognition software has to be trained to your voice. Could make for some interesting posts for a bit.

  40. 40.

    MattR

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    @West of the Cascades: Or he can dictate and Tunch can blog for him.

    Like Tunch can be trusted to do as John says.

    Isn’t there some kind of voice to text app for phones that works pretty well these days? There’s gotta be somethign similar for a full fledged computer.

    EDIT: D’oh. Should have read the actual original comment. Would have seen this was mentioned.

  42. 42.

    Skepticat

    @schrodinger’s cat: I believe that a cat often becomes affectionate in inverse proportion to how much you want to be touched. If it hurts John to hold anything or make sudden moves, Tunch will be launching himself at JC’s lap and shoulders.

    Hope the contraption helps. Does that rig immobilize your scapula (as if anything could) or just keep you from pulling more on the surrounding muscles?

  44. 44.

    Henry

    Best of luck John!

    For podcasts, I like On The Media, Commonwealth Club of California, This American Life, and RadioLab. I also started listening to Rachel Maddow’s show (on podcast), and I have to say she’s pretty damn good.

  46. 46.

    mai naem

    First, do you talk with a negro persuasion when you want to because I sure don’t see it in the writing. Also too, now you won’t feel embarrassed about having Lily dressed up like an old woman’s doggy. Also also too, this is what happens when you love your doggy more than Tunch, the King of the Castle. This is what Tunch has been warning you about.

  47. 47.

    Scuffletuffle

    Thanks, MattR, I’m now back in the loop and sending healing vibes to John as I type.

    Get better soon, my friend. If I lived closer, I’d offer pet care assistance.

  48. 48.

    Ash Can

    This is what I am wearing

    Hon, I wouldn’t mind being seen in public with that on my arm. Not at all. Nope. No, sir.

    …Oh, the brace. Got it. Never mind.

    (/dirty old lady)

  52. 52.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @West of the Cascades:

    Should we start a fundraiser to get John some voice-recognition software so he can blog by just talking to his computer??

    Why don’t we all just go on speakerphone and conference call round the clock?

  53. 53.

    Randy P

    This is what you’re wearing? The blue shirt looks OK on that guy, I’m sure it looks fine on you. Or is that a picture of you?

    What? You’re not talking about the shirt? Oh.

    …

    …

    Well, I don’t see anything particularly wrong with the pants either. Certainly nothing that would prevent you from reading.

    @Ash Can: I see we went in slightly different directions with basically the same joke.

  54. 54.

    fidelio

    Ouch, and my sympathies. But dude, at least you aren’t having to try and figure out how to fasten a brassiere.

    When sitting, try resting the arm on a pillow–it helps.

  56. 56.

    Shell

    Shit ‘n a half!
    I’m so sorry, John, this sucks.

    But agree with Casey upthread, the guy in the photo looks way too happy about having his arm in a sling. Makes me wonder what some other photos in a medical supplies catalog look like.

    Is Lily expressing her appropriate gratitude?

  57. 57.

    Morbo

    I’m already bored. Can’t even turn the damned pages on a book.

    This is why going Galt will be even harder with an injury.

  58. 58.

    Cathie from Canada

    So sorry to read about your accident — it will be a miserable time for you.
    Here’s what you may find to be most frustrating — that none of your doctors will seem confident that you will heal, or how long it will take. Needless to say, this is very annoying, because it makes you think they don’t know what they are doing.
    Actually, in spite of the fact that people have been treating broken bones for 5,000 years, doctors still can never know in any individual case whether everything will heal up properly or not — they can only x-ray you every week or every two weeks, and tell you how things are progressing.
    Six weeks after I broke my leg, when I was frustrated with how long it was taking to heal, my husband said “However long it takes, you are six weeks closer to the end” And he was right, that was the way to look at it. In the end, it took two years, but it did heal eventually.

  61. 61.

    mai naem

    Well, at least you don’t live in sohsialeest Europe where you would have had to stand in front of a death panel after waiting for hours and hours at a third rate emergency room with peeling paint and rusty water and Dr. Frankenstein and having the surgery delayed for four years.

  63. 63.

    Tsulagi

    Okay, now what you need to do is have your doctor tell your insurance carrier you need pre- and post-surgery physical therapy.

    From one of the SO’s car accidents, her neck and a shoulder area were banged up. Didn’t need surgery, but her doctor prescribed physical therapy. For two months every week she got to soften up in a whirlpool followed by a professional massage. By a masseuse she said was in her later 20s, and hot. Damn, some people have all the luck.

  64. 64.

    And Another Thing...

    Pat Robertson called…it’s god’s punishment for all your threats to Go Galt. Seriously, get a Kindle! BUMMER !

  66. 66.

    gypsy howell

    Is Tunch doing your typing?

    John, I ask again, WHY ARE YOU STILL AT YOUR KEYBOARD? Jeez man, take a bunch of vicodins and give it a rest for a few hours.

  67. 67.

    J.W. Hamner

    Earlier this week I asked for suggestions on what to make in my brand new roasting pan. A couple people suggested brisket, so I tried a Oaxacan Style Braised Brisket (link to the picture, which has a link to the recipe).

    Strangely, it took (way) more than twice as long as it was supposed to in the oven… but it turned out great… I just had to take the next day off work because I was so tired.

    5 years ago I would have laughed pretty hard at someone who had to miss work because they were up all night cooking… unless “cooking” was a euphemism… what have I become? Oh yeah… old. :)

  68. 68.

    gbear

    John, I linked to these Get a Grip shoe treads late in the earlier thread, but wanted to point them out again. They’re easy to use, cheap and they work. Amazon has them but this elder care site has them cheaper. Best wishes and I hope you don’t wind up using any of the products on the sidebar at that site I linked to.

  69. 69.

    gypsy howell

    PS- I would think a button down shirt would be much easier to get in and out of in your condition, but hey, go with that blue pullover thing if that’s how you roll.

  70. 70.

    ==-+

    I broke my right wrist a few years back. I’m right handed of course. Let me tell you that wiping your ass with your left hand without dunking it in the toilet bowl is easier said than done.

  71. 71.

    YellowJournalism

    It’s time for Jojo the helper monkey.

    When I came to the front page, I hadn’t seen the post about the injury and my browser just showed the top half of this picture. I could only see the strap on the guy’s shoulder, the bit about him currently wearing this, and thought John was now advocating the use of man purses.

  72. 72.

    joeyess

    Bad deal, John.

    But look on the bright side: If sometime in the near future you have to do a meet and greet, you’re perfectly set up for the event.

  73. 73.

    Scott

    Holy crap, just read the post a few below this one — hope you get healed up and feeling better as quickly as possible…

  75. 75.

    raymond

    Sorry about the shoulder, John. On the bright side, you’re not looking for medical care in Haiti.

    Also, the Balloon Juice fundraising thread is 6th on the ActBlue Coakley page. A mere 5k more and we’ll pass that geezer Leahy.

    ActBlue Coakley page

    Send in some scratch now. Do it for John!!!!! (sob)

  77. 77.

    Faux News

    Get well soon John! Sorry to hear about your accident.

    PS: I would jump on that hot arm brace model like Tunch pouncing on a cooked chicken breast!

  79. 79.

    elmo

    Just in case you’re done reading the comments to the previous post and didn’t see mine, let me recommend again both the PlayStation Store and streaming Netflix to the PS3. The entire universe of TV and movies, both current and old, available at a click. It’s unfreakinbelievable.

    And again — you’re a mensch, John, for all the care you take of Lily.

  80. 80.

    GReynoldsCT00

    You know, Tunch is secretly pleased about this. Ain’t no way you will be able to furminate him anytime soon.

  82. 82.

    General Winfield Stuck

    Luckily for you, there’s a current shortage of one armed O-bots, but learning to organ grind with one hand will take some time.

  85. 85.

    General Winfield Stuck

    And take it easy Cole. After I ruptured my Achilles tendon many years ago I would not listen and kept working and playing (partying) like nothing had happened, and it took a couple of years to heal after retearing it partially several times.

    And two years is a long time to wear a leg cast off and on. I was young and stupid then, as opposed to just stoopid now, but that’s another story. Give your body time to heal is all.

  88. 88.

    Betsy

    I can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?**

    Kidding. So sorry to hear about your bad break (pun very much intended). I hope you’re well and truly doped up and thus relatively pain-free. Hang in there! Sending good vibes your way!

    ** I was away for a week and change and this is what I see upon returning to the blog!

  89. 89.

    Face

    I’m already bored. Can’t even turn the damned pages on a book.

    How do you teach with that thing on? Can you still chalk-talk and power-please the students with that S&M device attached to your love handles?

  90. 90.

    Chuck Butcher

    Jeeze John. Take care of yourself. BTW, Lily may not much care for walking w/o booties, but she ain’t exactly barefoot and can manage it fine if you don’t get stupid and leave her out for hours. She didn’t care for it and you promptly told her you’d deal with it – funny she didn’t say no.

  93. 93.

    Perry

    I’m really sorry about your injury. About 10 years ago I fell while biking and busted up my left shoulder in a dozen pieces. I was a pretty good golfer so I was bummed out worrying about getting function back. A bit of advice. The quality of your surgery will determine a range of possible outcomes re regaining function, but it up to you, via physio, to get to the highest possible point on that range.

  94. 94.

    Anne Laurie

    Get well soon, John!

    Physical therapy will be your best friend, once the pain meds stop filling that role. But a selection of pillows in various shapes & densities to use as props will also make your days that significant little bit happier. Especially since tomorrow you may discover bruises related to your fall in places you didn’t know had hit the ground.

  97. 97.

    RareSanity

    Holy Schnikees….just read the first thread…

    Get well soon John!

    Seeing that you’re in such good shape, it should take you no time to heal!

    …what’s that? (touches fake earpice)…

    …*mutters* whaddaya mean that’s not him?…

    Uh, this just in, John Cole is not a colored negro Afro American African American man with a HUGE “sling”. He maybe a caucasian man with a slightly smaller “sling”.

    Look at the bright side, you’re all set for square dancing night at your local juke joint!

  100. 100.

    WaterGirl

    @Jim Once: What a generous offer. I suggest you keep posting it on every thread until John has no alternative but to graciously take you up on your kind offer.

  101. 101.

    Something Fabulous

    John Cole! Adding my OH NOES from reading the previous thread. Get well soon! Don’t be a tough guy and ignore what the Drs and PTs tell you! Treat yourself well, please!

    Your story of attempting to fix it yourself [with a DOORKNOB?!?!] did make me laugh/wonder in recognition if you had been a medic– one of my oldest friends always tells stories about her dad-the-vietnam-vet-medic’s absurd self-sufficiency and how he attempted to cure all his accident-prone children’s ailments basically with vaseline and to shrug it off. I used to think the stories were mostly exaggeration for effect, until the day I finally met him at a family party where the youngest daughter was thinking about getting a tattoo, and he said, “If you want one that badly, I’LL do it–how hard could it be to learn?”

  102. 102.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    Get well soon John. Like everyone else said, relax, take the pain meds, catch up on some music. You know I might be overreaching here but I would be very, very careful around Lily right now, I know you all think I am weird but she probably blames herself for this and is more than likely a) very sad, and b) probably terrified that you are mad at her and going to give her away or something. Try not to give any impression that you blame her or that you are mad at her. You may be suffering with the physical pain but I bet poor little Lily is just besides herself right now cause she broke her hooman. Blessed be.

  103. 103.

    Skepticat

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Or she’s thinking, “How did I get stuck with a klutz like this who thinks that I’m fun to juggle? Perhaps I should be auditioning people who can walk properly. And who buy me boots for my poor paws.”

  105. 105.

    Jackie

    Hope you get through this and are as good as new. Second the advise to not underdo the pain meds post op. They don’t give a discount for tough guy suffering in silence.

    I also endorse the yak traks, for anyone who has to walk in icy conditions, dog or no dog. Just walking to and from the car can land you on the ground and they transfer fairly easily to different shoes. I leave one pair on my winter dog walking shoes and have the other pair for other shoes. It has saved my bacon more than once.

  109. 109.

    asiangrrlMN

    Dude. Back away from the computer. Now. I’m using my stern voice. Take a nap. Eat something. Watch TV. Go already! (shooing you with appropriate hand motions).

  113. 113.

    fbihop

    I feel your pain. I had surgery for a dislocated shoulder and had to wear one of those braces for about six weeks.

    The sleeping while sitting up is a pain, but it’s made better if you can lay on a recliner (I only had a loveseat, so I had to pile up a bunch of pillows/blankets next to me) and get one of those U-shaped pillows that people use to sleep on airplanes.

  114. 114.

    robertdsc

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    Hahahaha.

    Sorry about the bad break, John. It was a shock to read when I got out of bed this afternoon. Here’s hoping the surgery goes well and you mend quickly.

    If not, please make sure to disrobe before checking out so Tunch can have an easier time of snacking on you. Thanks. ;-)

  116. 116.

    chris

    Get well soon John.
    In the meantime get a Kindle and someone to make you one of these from Randall Munroe at xkcd.
    Other Kindlers might also be interested.

  117. 117.

    RedKitten

    John, I’m sending my best wishes your way, in between fits of laughter at the bucketloads of win found in this thread.

    Have you figured out yet how to haul your pants back up with just one hand after using the crapper? It’s more difficult than you’d think.

    What about bathing? Can you shower with that thing, or are you going to have to smell like eau de hobo for the next while?

    Glad to hear that Tammy and Brian and your brother are helping you out — they’re good people.

  119. 119.

    Cathyish

    @John Cole: John, I feel your pain. Rather, I felt a similar pain on Dec 4. I fell, shattered my wrist, had closed reduction in the ER, but 10 days later had ORIF (open reduction internal fixation – screws and a plate).

    Balloon Juice and a Kindle helped with the boredom – and, ok – I’ve become addicted to the stupid games on Facebook (“my name is Cathy and I’m a Farmville addict…”)

    I’ve been able to return to work on light duty and I’ll start PT next week. Of course, your recovery will be different (probably longer, sorry).

    I’m not sure what my point is, but I wanted you to know you weren’t alone. Hang in there!

  120. 120.

    pika

    This will probably get me cast out of my occasional commenting, but on the Howard Stern Show a few months ago, Robin Quivers broke her arm in multiple places while rollerblading. She had one of those contraptions, and the cast referred to it endlessly as her arm-couch. Anyhoo, John, I’m sorry about the accident–truly–and am glad it can be fixed though sad about the recovery time it will take. Thank you for sharing with us so much that happens to and around you–

  122. 122.

    Steeplejack

    Funny, I always pictured Cole as a white guy. Huh. Still in good shape for, what, almost 40, though.

  124. 124.

    silentbeep

    @John Cole:

    I’m a west coaster and a little late to this party, but I had an incident tonight that totally reminded me of you:

    I drove up to my local Whole Foods, a place I love to go to btw, and I parked next to this car with a bumper sticker I had never seen before, naturally on a Prius. It said “George W. Obama.” This made me crazy, I literally screamed in my car I hated it so much. Yes, I am an “o-bot” so there! (snarky on the Prius, I would own one if I could)

    I walk into the store in a bad mood but lo and behold, I see Regina King! I want to tell here “OMG I’m so happy Southland is being picked up by TNT! It’s such a good show! ” I don’t though, I’m an L.A. native we don’t do things like that ;)

    I thought maybe you could sympathize with the highs and lows of my dinner visit to a suburban L.A. Whole Foods tonight ha ha

  125. 125.

    electricgrendel

    Dude. That absolutely sucks. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope the doctors can make you as comfortable as possible until this gets healed. Good luck, though, because this is going to be a long road.

  126. 126.

    electricgrendel

    Dude. That absolutely sucks. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope the doctors can make you as comfortable as possible until this gets healed. Good luck, though, because this is going to be a long road.

  128. 128.

    Steeplejack

    @fbihop:

    I second the recommendation to plan your sleep setup carefully. One of the unexpected side effects of my recuperation (compound fracture of the jaw) was back pain–extreme back pain–due to sleeping in a tense/weird position, trying to avoid any movement and avoid putting any pressure on the side of my face that was worse off. My back seized up, and there was one three-day period where I basically went without sleep except for micro-dozes because it hurt too much to lie down and all I could do was sit in a chair with a heating pad wrapped around my lower back.

    Not trying to be a downer, Cole, but I’m saying that this injury is probably bigger than you perceive it to be right now. So take it easy, be obedient to your awareness of what’s going on with your body, and, as I said earlier, be good to yourself.

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