Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Oh FFS you might as well trust a 6-year-old with a flamethrower.

My right to basic bodily autonomy is not on the table. that’s the new deal.

The revolution will be supervised.

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

In my day, never was longer.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Weird. Rome has an American Pope and America has a Russian President.

There are no moderate republicans – only extremists and cowards.

Relentless negativity is not a sign that you are more realistic.

Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

Welcome to day five of every-bit-as-bad-as-you-thought-it-would-be.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

Text STOP to opt out of updates on war plans.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Our messy unity will be our strength.

You are here: Home / z-Retired Categories / Previous Site Maintenance / The Balloon Juice Store Now Open

The Balloon Juice Store Now Open

by | 101 Comments

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I am very pleased to announce that the Balloon Juice store is now open for business. You can find all sorts of apparel, mugs, mouse pads, kids clothes, pet clothes, clocks, aprons, pet food bowls, etc.

I would like to thank Laura W., AhabTRuler, and Evelyn DeHais for all their hard work. I initially thought this was something we could just whip up in an hour, but store building started four weeks ago (after Laura assured me it would be “fast and easy”). Evelyn DeHais created three original Tunch graphics and two of Lily from her original illustrations. She also painstakingly reworked the existing Balloon Juice logo for greater clarity and ease of reproduction.

AhabTRuler took all of Evelyn’s graphics, created one of his own (Tunch’s eyes and nose), and resized them all to spec for every single product created. Laura W. worked internally on the store, applying images to all products, pricing, and sharing layout/creative writing contributions with Ahab.

Between the three of them, there are 100+ hours in this project. Please be kind. They’ve done a lot of hard work on this, for no personal profit, and all for a really good cause, as all proceeds from sales go to Charlie’s Angels Animal Rescue, Brevard, North Carolina (the folks who rescued Little Bitsy).

So, shop away, and if you have any constructive ideas/comments, we’d love to hear them. The only thing I need now is a patent on all of it. If anyone knows what I need to do for that, let me know.

Reader Interactions

101Comments

  1. 1.

    mr. whipple

    I am going to spend some of my Obama tax cut on your goodies.

    See? It does trickle down. Or up, in my case :) And to a good cause. Bless you.

  5. 5.

    SiubhanDuinne

    This is the best news in a long time. Big congrats and thanks to the team who worked long and hard to put these items together and set up the store.

    Think I’ll go shopping now.

  7. 7.

    Brick Oven Bill

    If I can list ‘The Chicago Way’ mail-order pizza crust kits at the Balloon Juice Store, I’ll cut you 15%. This would be good for the pets.

    It is a quality product which I am preparing for a pot-luck at The Facility at this very moment.

  8. 8.

    Woodbuster

    Please, dear jeebus, let business pick up – I have shopping to do!

    And please, jeebus, don’t let JC put ANYTHING from BoB on the market?

  9. 9.

    Max

    Congrats John! You’re now a cottage industry.

    Will you be selling lavender candles with Tunch’s face on them?

  11. 11.

    Dave C

    @Woodbuster:

    Actually, I could definitely see the coupling of a picture of a brick oven with a phrase like, “I did it all for the pie” being a runaway hit.

  13. 13.

    jl

    A Tunch ‘Obey’ thong? I didn’t expect that.

    I like the minimalist Tunch t-shirt. Unfortunately, I think the design would accentuate some of my more unfortunate current torso features, so I will have to wait a few months for the effects of my exercise program to kick in before I buy it.

    I’ll consider some of the other fine items in the meantime.

    Thanks to those who worked so hard on this project.

  15. 15.

    FlipYrWhig

    That’s some damn fine swag. Once I bounce back from my three weeks of unanticipated vet bills, maybe I’ll order some Tunchalicious pet supplies.

  16. 16.

    shep

    You don’t need no stinkin’ patent. You printed it first, you own it (though you should probably get a release from the artists before you hit your first $million in sales).

  17. 17.

    Brick Oven Bill

    Its for the pets Woodbuster.

    I don’t think you need a patent, you probably need a copyright John. Which I believe you can just do with a statement. For instance, if you wanted to copyright the name, you could simply key in ‘The Balloon Juice Store’ Copyright 2010. See now I have the rights to that name, I believe. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

    But I am charitable and with this statement, grant then to John Cole. If you find you need a patent, I think you send a disclosure document to the US Patent and Trademark office, claim whatever intellectual property you think you have, and then you have a year to perfect the patent application. Check with a lawyer, but I believe this to be correct.

    The other surplus thing I have is a cream-puff. I purchased two of these today to see if you can purchase cream-puffs with food stamps (you can). I ate one and now feel kind of sick.

    So if anyone wants the second cream puff, I will donate it to The Balloon Juice Store © for free and whatever proceeds can be realized can be donated to the pets.

  20. 20.

    HRA

    Congratulations to all of you who participated in the store. I will be looking forward to shopping there.

  21. 21.

    Cat Lady

    YAY. My new BJ t-shirt will be worn proudly and loudly. This is how we will come to know each other. Well done, John, Laura, Ahab and Evelyn. That’ll do pig. That’ll do.

  23. 23.

    demo woman

    I’m just in awe with the assortment of goodies and thanks to all those that helped in putting this together. Not sure about Tunch’s thongs though.

  24. 24.

    Evelyn

    YAY!

    I’m so glad this finally happened!

    Shameless plug: These kind of illustrations are what I do for a living, as well as all kinds of art and design, so if you’re ever interested in some custom art, trundle on over to my website, check out my gallery, and shoot me an email :)

    And totally going for the Tunch thong once I get some more funds :)

  30. 30.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    Question for the store proprietor: Do the T-Shirts run big? I am sort of in between large and XL and depending on the maker of the t – shirts, large works. But sometimes I end up with a large that too small or an XL that is like a tent.

    Golf shirts are ridiculous now. Large in 2010 is the XL of 1990’s.

    Some guidance would be great.

  31. 31.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    I thought you people were joking about the Tunch thongs. That is all kinds of awesome. Yet another example of Rule 34.

  32. 32.

    AhabTRuler

    I thought you people were joking about the Tunch thongs.

    Nope, and the possibilities are endless. If I were with a young lady who’s underwear featured a gigantic white cat instructing me to “OBEY,” I’m afraid I would have no choice but to comply. I mean, I would do anything for… &#060THUD&#062

    Um, oh sorry, where was I? As for shirt sizes, dunno. Ain’t never seen one.

  35. 35.

    bystander

    Outstanding, John Cole. After the “Cutest Dog” contest I was really hoping you might do something like this. Kudos to Laura, AhabTRuler, and Evelyn for the great work and the dedicated effort. I hope it makes Charlie’s Angels a tidy sum. What a wonderful effort for a great cause. Including Little Bitsy stuff was a stroke of genius for sentimental folk like myself.

  36. 36.

    General Winfield Stuck

    Nice work Laura and Ahab, and Senor Lavender. will get a BJ mouse pad a little later.

    GO CATS!! beat them Volunteers.

  37. 37.

    bend

    Whenever I wear shirts with intertron inspired insignia I am always asked by all of my friends, “What’s an internet tradition?” etc… And am reminded that I spend way too much time reading blogs. Still, I’ll have to deal with that because those Tunch Obey shirts are too fucking cool.

  38. 38.

    Genine

    Yay! Congrats on the Tunch store! It looks great!

    I want to get a Tunch thong and tee-shirt. They’d look great together.

  39. 39.

    PurpleGirl

    Congratulations, John, on opening the store and kudos to all the people who helped. Everything looks quite nice.

  41. 41.

    pika

    This store is f’in hilarious. Can’t we have a t-shirt that says “Why is my comment in moderation?”

  42. 42.

    deadrody

    Hawking coffee cups and T-shirts. Nice.

    It is unbelievable how pathetic the left has become. I have come to this beacon of progressive retardation for a few years now and intentionally checked in pretty often since Obama messiah was elected and you people literally NEVER have anything good to say. NEVER any justification or basis for why the chosen progressive policies of the Obama administration SHOULD be passed. No, the front page here is nothing more than a collection of rants about what is bad about Republicans.

    Hello ? Jackasses, you have OVERWHELMING majorities in both sides of Congress and for a year you had a filibuster proof majority, no less. And STILL everything bad is because of Republicans.

    Tim Pawlenty is today’s world’s worst person because he opposes runaway spending, but he can’t because if he had only spent every dime in Minnesota, SURELY some of it would have been spent to fix a bridge that eventually collapsed. You are actually blaming Pawlenty for that. Fucking rich.

    Meanwhile you continue to cheerlead in favor of a complete LOSER of an idea – Obamacare. And cheerlead for them to “just pass the damn bill” in your moronic voices. Just jam that shit sandwich that the entire country absolutely hates, just JAM it down their throats.

    The funniest part is it has been 30 years since a true liberal knee-jerk was in the White House. It took 30 years for you morons to put one back there and in just one year he has completely failed. If the country could vote again, if we game them a do-over, Obama would be DONE after one year.

    You people are such a joke.

  44. 44.

    Bad Horse's Filly

    So much swag I cannot decide. Thanks to everyone who made this a reality. We shall be known to each other by our thongs….um, our hoodies and we will do the secret terrorist fist bump when we meet on the streets.

  49. 49.

    beergoggles

    I know just the feeder/gainer couple to get the tunch FEED apron for. Pity the origin would be lost on them..

  51. 51.

    Annie

    You, guys, are awesome. I am going to go all out Tunch. Mugs for home and office, and t-shirts for the summer. My family will be the best dressed in the neighborhood.

    Thanks!

  52. 52.

    Kayla Rudbek

    *grins* You probably need either a trademark or copyright, not a patent, Cole. see here for how to start the trademark process. (and actually, you may need a series of trademarks, because you have different pictures/logos, and the USPTO and the courts get mighty persnickety about whether you’ve filed on variation A vs variation B of the logo). Also, you may want to look at copyright protection, start here.

  53. 53.

    pcbedamned

    @pika:

    (I wonder if this will make it through…)

    I think the thong should have said “Tunch Munch”
    (and before anyone screams ‘sexist’, I’m female)

  56. 56.

    The Other Steve

    Hot damn! I’ve always wanted a Balloon Juice Thong!

    I’ll send you all pictures when I get it.

    Yes, that’s a threat.

  57. 57.

    The Other Steve

    @deadrody: Wow, that’s quite a rant. Totally clueless, but a lovely rant.

    BTW, the problem with Tim Pawlenty is he’s an arrogant elitist jackass who refuses to admit when he’s wrong. It’s annoying, obnoxious, and frankly nobody likes him.

  58. 58.

    suzanne

    Ooooooohhhhh!!!!
    I MUST have a Tunch tank top.
    I will wear it in the hope of running into a fellow BJer. :)

  59. 59.

    trollhattan

    Fracking awesome swag collection–very well done by all! Tunch’s ascendancy continues unchecked.

    I have a couple ideas for “deadrody” items as well, but they’re rather…clinical.

  61. 61.

    SIA

    How exciting! Congratulations on the new venture and all the good it will bring to the Brevard animal shelter. Well done all. I’m gonna go buy somethin’.

  64. 64.

    Annie

    @deadrody:

    LOL. This is a joke right? Yes, Republicans are awesome. The party of torture, Iraq democracy (and the rise of influence of Iran in the process), large government (can’t forget those drug companies), the Patriot Act, the great intellectual Sarah Palin, the farm subsidy Queen, Lady Michelle, etc. And, clearly, this past year the Republican leadership has put the interests of the American public before petty partisan interests…Wow, could we have prayed for more…

    You are right — buying things to support both charity and animals like Tunch, who we love, is some leftist plot to support socialism, Marxism, and every other “ism” you can think of…Wow, I suddenly realize that this is a plot by John to control our minds through wearing party t-shirts and carrying party mugs in office.

    Although, if truth be told, I think Tunch is the brains behind the whole operation.

  66. 66.

    Annie

    Why, oh why, I am always in moderation purgatory? I think it is one of life’s great mysteries…Or, maybe, it is my choice of candles…

  67. 67.

    MysticalChick

    OOOH! Tunch, Lily and even Bitsy get their own store! Awesome! I shall be spending some bucks there.

    Nice job you guys! And Evelyn, love your work. Some cool stuff over on your site.

  69. 69.

    wmd

    Umm… it recommends that we bookmark the page, as searching for BJ products at cafepress won’t result in donations. Maybe you should take a loss of some potential advertising revenue and advertise your store on the front page?

  70. 70.

    Svensker

    Wow. Great job, everyone! Will my son understand the Pet Overlords T-shirt? Hope so, cuz he’s getting one.

  71. 71.

    RedKitten

    Everything looks FANTASTIC! As soon as I get my next maternity leave cheque I am SO buying the Tunch “FEED” onesie for SamKitten. And yes, I will take photographs of him modeling it.

  73. 73.

    trollhattan

    redhead.edu my 8YO overlord is demanding requesting “obey” wear. I suspect it’s because she expects the parental units to obey, not the wearer.

    What’s Tunch’s take on this appropriation of his chubby powers?

  74. 74.

    MikeJ

    I will wear it in the hope of running into a fellow BJer.

    If it identified you as a BJer you’d probably meet *lots* of people, most of whom you would not want to meet.

  76. 76.

    mandarama

    The site looks awesome. Almost as awesome as I’m gonna look in my new Tunch t-shirt. Thanks to the team!

  77. 77.

    CaseyL

    You don’t want a patent, because you haven’t invented anything.

    What you want is trademark registration, and copyright protection.

    Trademark on any logo, special text, and slogans: these are the “look and feel” of your brand.

    And copyright for all images and text.

    I am an intellectual property paralegal. I can help you fill out the application(s) and give you advice on how to file, but since I’m not an attorney, I can’t actually do it for you (it would be unethical and illegal of me to do so).

    Contact me at celeichter(at)gmail(dot)com for more info.

  78. 78.

    General Winfield Stuck

    Yay. Kentucky beats Tennessee. GO CATS!!

    guess I will have to check this chuck character to see what gives.

  80. 80.

    NattyBatz

    On a trademark, buy a big envelope and put the logo on the outside along with your name and address. Pop it in a mailbox with a stamp. Once you receive the envelope in the mail, keep it in a safe place. This will not prevent someone else from using it, but they can’t swipe the trademark or prevent you from using it.

    At least this is what my boss told me..

  81. 81.

    Genine

    We shall be known to each other by our thongs….um, our hoodies and we will do the secret terrorist fist bump when we meet on the streets.

    Oh, yeah. I guess it would be immodest of me to be known by my thong.

    Oh, well.

  83. 83.

    Yutsano

    @DougJ: I kinda like that too although I never wear them while cooking. Maybe for my younger brother for his birthday, although he won’t get the joke. I ordered my Lily mousepad. I haz a happy.

  85. 85.

    Veritas78

    Pimping one’s pets—okay! It’s a free site, and this is America. And it’s not like Lily & Tunch couldn’t call SEIU if they felt exploited.

  86. 86.

    Zuzu's Petals

    Somehow the “OBEY” onesie seemed just the thing for my grandbaby.

    Oh yes, got a mug too.

    Yay for the store!

  87. 87.

    jl

    @Veritas78: Exploited? I thought all the money was going to Tunch’s and Lily’s bedtime snacks.

    This Balloon-Juice store thing better rake in plenty of dough for snacks or Tunch will reeeaaallllyyyy pissed.

  88. 88.

    asiangrrlMN

    Oh my god. Cole. I love you. Evelyn, Ahab T. Ruler, and Laura W., you all fucking rock for all your hard work. I don’t wear thongs as a general rule, but a Tunchie thong? Oh hell…maybe. I will definitely be bending a little plastic to buy many things Tunchie.

    And for any naysayers out there: ALL THE MONEY GOES TO AN ANIMAL CHARITY.

    Sheesh. Some people’s children.

    SQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEE! I get to wear Tunchie on my body!

  90. 90.

    Luthe

    If we’re going to have popular BJ phrases on shirts/mugs/etc, can we get one that reads simply “FYWP”? Useful in many situations!

  91. 91.

    Val

    Unfortunately, I already look like Tunch in a thong :) so I think I’ll skip that item. Awesome job! Too broke this week to order anything, but maybe later. So many great choices.

  92. 92.

    geg6

    Man, Cole, this place rocks. So much collective talent and all for a good cause. I can’t wait to get back to the office to peruse the goodies. You timed this perfectly because, in a rare turn of events, I have a small amount of disposable income this month. I must have something with Lily and the BJ logo. I am not a cat person, but the Tunch OBEY stuff is hard to resist. I may have to get an item with each image. Damn, BJ is gonna kill that surplus of mine.

  95. 95.

    Sylvia

    This is fantastic!! Thanks to John, Laura W, Evelyn and Ahab T. Ruler!! What a wonderful gift you have given to all of the needy animals!! Wow!!
    Sylvia and Little Bitsy

  96. 96.

    kay

    @deadrody:

    Tim Pawlenty is today’s world’s worst person because he opposes runaway spending, but he can’t because if he had only spent every dime in Minnesota, SURELY some of it would have been spent to fix a bridge that eventually collapsed. You are actually blaming Pawlenty for that. Fucking rich.

    It’s really true, though. On any measure.

    Conservatives lie, constantly, about their fiscal responsibility.
    It’s ludicrous. There is no truth in it. If you can show me a single instance where it’s borne out by facts, I would actually be interested in seeing it. I mean, there’s nothing there. I can go back to Reagan. Conservatives are big, reckless spenders. That they have managed to keep this myth alive as long as they have is a little scary.

    “The three senators named “porkers of the month” for December by the nonpartisan Citizens Against Government Waste were all Republicans: Richard Shelby of Alabama, Susan Collins of Maine and Thad Cochran of Mississippi.”

    WTF? How long are they going to get away with this nonsense? How long are you going to swallow it?

  97. 97.

    Violet

    This is awesome. I’m going to get an apron for a friend of mine’s birthday that is coming up in the near future. She’s a great cook and she’s got cats that cause all sorts of problems. The Tunch apron will be a hit!

  99. 99.

    MattR

    Something a bit wrong about my dog Ellie eating/drinking out of a Tunch bowl, but we are gonna go for it anyway.

    Kudos to all involved.

  100. 100.

    grumpy realist

    Trademark and copyright, not patent. (Unless you’re going for a design patent, which you aren’t.)

    And forget that stuff posted about mailing something back to yourself via USPTO getting you trademarked. It won’t. Standard urban legend.

    For copyright and trademark info, go to http://www.uspto.gov. Lots of information there. Copyright is simple to get but fragile (i.e., easy to get around.) Trademark longer of time to get but more robust. You can go the de facto or the de jure route; de facto means you use the emblem and over time build up “rights” in the intellectual property. Usual defense mechanism for long-established local businesses protecting their turf from a copycat. De jure means you go the registration route–which will take time (can be a year or more) and $$ ($350+)

    If you’re actually thinking of trademarking any of the emblems/whatever suggest first going and doing a search in the USPTO trademark database.

    (I’m a patent agent but my firm does a lot of trademarks as well, mainly for companies that are trying to protect their brands globally. Yes, you can protect your trademark in Tonga or Monaco, if you wish.)

  101. 101.

    grumpy realist

    oh, and BOB, the year-long grace period you get is for patents and hinges off the novelty requirement and when your gazingus has first been published/offered for sale. Novelty requirements are different for foreign countries, which means by you giving a talk about your new invention at a conference before filing you have immediately lost most foreign patent possibilities.
    (…which is why you want to file a US provisional patent application (using a copy of your talk) first before any public release of info, then file foreign or a PCT-to-foreign during the following year. But I digress.)

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