It’s probably a good thing that dogs don’t write their own blogs. This was told to me as a Choctaw legend, which it almost certainly isn’t…
“Back in the Past Days, when people and animals talked to each other, all the dogs got together and decided they should elect a king. The only problem was — nobody could agree as to how that king should be chosen. The greyhounds said it should be the fastest dog, the mastiffs said it should be the biggest dog, the border collies said it should be the smartest dog, and the poodles said it should be the cutest dog. Every dog had an opinion, and every opinion was being expressed, all at once, at the maximum possible volume.
Then a scruffy little dog who’d been sitting in the corner spoke up. He knew he wasn’t going to be anybody’s choice for king — he was old and ugly and dirty and had a bad attitude. “The one we should pick for our king,” he said, “should be the dog who smells good under his tail.”
Dogs being dogs, this struck them all as a brilliant solution. Yes! They just needed to find the dog whose butt smelt sweetest! Every dog in the pack started sniffing each other’s backsides! And yet, tragically, not even one dog with a pleasant-smelling butt could be found…
That was many, many years ago. The dogs still have no king. But whenever two dogs meet, they’re very eager to check out each other’s tail ends to see if they’ve found their king at last! (And sometimes arguments break out when overly personal remarks are passed about the other guy’s fitness for the throne.)”
Yutsano
The fact that all the breeds are of European origin should be the first clue. Then again there are lots of tall tales that mask as “Indian legends” that true Natives have never heard before. Sounds a lot like Sherman Alexie territory here.
Ruckus
Even if it has absolutely no basis in any way, it’s still a better story than they just like to smell each others butts.
Yutsano
@Ruckus: Or the boring physiological reasons behind it. I guess it’s our fault for evolving out to a sense of smell that tells us virtually bupkess. We also have a strong sense of taste though, and as a foodie I do appreciate that.
Calming Influence
Remarkably, Basset Hounds are the only breed that don’t smell other dog’s butts, and don’t allow their own butts to be smelt.
This is because they know their shit don’t stink, but they have zero interest in being responsible for all other dogs on earth.
They had a hard enough time on Jupiter, and now they just want to relax.
Seanly
Hmmm, I don’t know about that tale. My Ginnie is the queen of the house and I’m sure she doesn’t smell too sweet.
Roger Moore
@Yutsano:
Humans’ sense of smell is better than we usually give it credit for. I suspect most modern city dwellers don’t depend much on their sense of smell and tend to ignore it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. If you learn to pay attention to smells, and especially to actively smell things, you’ll discover that your sense is much more powerful than you knew. It just takes some practice.
MTmofo
Paging James Thurber.
MTmofo
Kinda reminds me of this parable
feedthewolf.com/
Yutsano
@Roger Moore: Smell is very much tied to memory. When we hit a strong smell that occurred in a memorable moment in our past, we recall that moment much more vividly than we would just trying without that olfactory stimulus. (Yeah I just love the word olfactory.) Smell is also very much tied to taste, which is why you can’t taste crap when you’re sick and congested. I happen to live in an area where smells drift on the wind constantly, in fact the neighborhood is awash in the scent of lilacs right now. I also sometimes smell olive oil randomly, it’s very strange because olives don’t grow here.
Calming Influence
@MTmofo:
Yup.
bago
I smell kerosene.
twitvid.com/WGBLG
MTmofo
Oh, BTW. From time to time when I visit here I click on the n@wsm@x ad so they have to pay a few pennies to John via the googleads process. I encourage you to do the same. Just be judicious about it.
Didn’t expect my adulteration to yield a hotlink. I have no idea what it is, so don’t click on it.
MikeJ
@MTmofo: At signs become mailtos automagically. Yet another reason to repeat the mantra “FYWP.”
MTmofo
@MikeJ: Thanks for that tip.
Geoduck
I’ve heard that if you lack a sense of smell, raw potatoes and apples taste about the same..
Bob K
Dogs have no king? We could learn so much from animals if we chose. A political party whose name I prefer not speak, can’t seem to agree if their king is named Mikey, Lush, Beezlebub, or Voldemort.
google.com/search?q=king+of+the+dogs&sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-US&ie=utf8…
Catfish N. Cod
@Anne Laurie: I grew up forty miles from Nanih Waiya (the Choctaw temple-mound) and had Choctaw classmates (and, if family legend is true, I’m one-sixty-fourth Choctaw myself). Never heard that ‘Choctaw’ legend.
@MTmofo: I have heard the parable of Feeding the Wolf, but it was told me as a Chickasaw parable. No way for me to check that; the Chickasaw were never a big tribe (<< 10000 at the time of the Trail of Tears) and virtually 100% of them moved to Oklahoma (unlike the Choctaw, of whom about a thousand farmers remained by treaty). Of course, the Choctaw, Chickasaw, and Cherokee had cultural ties from the old Mississippian pre-European culture, so it could be a shared legend.
WereBear (itouch)
In the same vein, you can google the phrase “king of the cats” and come up with various stories. But we all know that Every Cat is Royalty.
Bill E Pilgrim
@Geoduck: You can actually demonstrate that yourself. When we were kids we did that to siblings or friends. “Here, close your eyes, and then hold your nose, tightly. Now, taste this.”
Without the sense of smell, it seemed completely plausible that you were biting an apple instead of the hidden raw potato that you had actually been given to bite. Strange texture maybe, if you were very discerning, but most people pretty much believed it when told it was an apple. Until you said “Okay, let go of your nose” while they were still chewing.
bago
In other words, in very off-color words…
“ASS TO ASS! SMELL IT BACK AND FORTH!”
bago +5
RedKitten
Oh crap — the blog is broken again.
FYWP
JGabriel
OT, Open Thread:
One of the things I’ve always found a little frustrating at Nate Silver’s site is his defense of Rasmussen’s obvious GOP slant as a “house effect” possibly related to likely voter screening – ignoring that Rasmussen suddenly seems to become a lot more accurate in its polls in the month before an election.
Sounds like Nate has finally seen the light: Use of Likely Voter Model Does Not Explain Rasmussen “House Effect”
.
debit
I’ve turned the heat off since it’s been so warm. This morning I woke up to 39 degrees outside, a dog under the covers and a cat on my head. Having learned my lesson, the thermostat is turned back on, and the down blanket is now on the couch. Dog is under it, cat is on it on top of my feet.
Brick Oven Bill
The Aristocracy of Men was formerly established by bodily strength. In some areas of the world, this is still the ruling trait. However, in societies where gunpowder (Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen) has been introduced, Talent and Virtue have replaced bodily strength as the determinant of leadership. Cleverness is not a leadership trait. This explains the paranoia of Goldman Sachs and the America Online home page, and their desire for a King.
Also if you are too stupid to make a bomb that blows up when you want it to, such as Barack confidant Bill Ayres, and instead return to a teaching job and tenure, you are not to rule. Although you might have a bright future as a ghost writer.
Thomas Jefferson explains it all here.
Svensker
So you’re saying bloggers smell each other’s butts? Weird.
Linda Featheringill
@Svensker:
You might be surprised what bloggers do during chance meetings. :-)
Svensker
@Geoduck:
My FIL used to insist that it was only visual prejudice that made people think that potatoes and apples tasted different and that if you closed your eyes, they tasted the same. Course, one time when three of us were in the kitchen smoking (FIL hated cigarettes), he came home unexpectedly and we all dashed to douse our cigs in the sink, he didn’t notice a thing. The room absolutely reeked. Apparently the poor guy had no sense of smell whatsoever.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Gaspode!
SRW1
Just wondering as somebody still fairly new to this blog: Has BoB always been this lousy in his attempts at humor?
Svensker
@SRW1:
What are you talking about? He’s much funnier than he used to be.
geg6
BOB is not the least funny even when he tries. BOB is a bigoted, misogynistic, stalker-like creep. However, he’s fucking hilarious when you put him through the pie filter. Delicious!
Linda Featheringill
OT.
I woke up this morning feeling small and weak and vulnerable. I do that sometimes.
One of the cats I live with usually hangs out with me when I am feeling that way. So she has been at my side all morning.
Friends are wonderful things.
maya
The way I remember the story of why dogs smell each other’s butts is a tad different then the alleged Choctaw legend related here:
Back in the day dogs used to hold functions in a great town hall. Dances, political rallies, even poker games.
Dogs were very polite, clean and fastidious creatures then and one fundamental rule of etiquette was to hang their butts up on cloakroom hooks before they entered the great hall.
On one such occasion the great hall caught fire – probably some teenage dogs smoking in the boy’s room. The cause was never ascertained. In their rush to get out of the burning building they all grabbed the nearest butt they could find on the hooks. Obviously, most of them wound up in the possession of the wrong butt.
That is why, to this very day, dogs sniff butts. They are still searching for their own.