Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Quote tweet friends, screenshot enemies.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Let’s finish the job.

This fight is for everything.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

The real work of an opposition party is to hold the people in power accountable.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Can we lighten up on the doomsday scenarios?

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

The willow is too close to the house.

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Reader Interactions

142Comments

  2. 2.

    Something Fabulous

    Thanks! I was getting antsy. Clearly I have a problem. I am Something Fabulous, and I refresh Balloon Juice too much.

  4. 4.

    dmsilev

    Roasting in the heat here, and contemplating the horror known as “moving in about 3 weeks”. Make it stop, please…

    dms

  5. 5.

    Elizabelle

    I feel the need for a Cole pet picture.

    What have Lily, Tunch and Rosie been up to? Who is on the lam today?

  7. 7.

    Corner Stone

    You should be more thoughtful Cole, and post something significant that is blogworthy today. Or else TZ will come by, wag his finger and chastise you for not being more worthy of standing on his lawn.

  8. 8.

    Kobie

    There’s very few things as shitty as going to a music and arts festival on a hot day and not drinking a few beers because you have to work in a couple of hours.

  10. 10.

    robertdsc-PowerBook & 27 titles

    I switched my main Mac from the noisy and hot eMac to the quiet and less hot PowerBook. No more fan action for me, though the speakers were better on the eMac. I have dinner with the parents at a BBQ place later in the hour.

    I echo the call for more pet pics. Moar Tunch, plz!

  11. 11.

    abo gato

    Ok, what’s for dinner? I gotta brag a bit….made some mozzarella yesterday…..got raw milk at the farmer’s market the other day, gonna have a caprese salad with some roma tomatoes (from the same market) and home grown basil. Nice.

    Also, I made some hard cheese yesterday from another gallon of the same raw milk, that will be sitting for another couple of days to get a rind on it then I’ll wax it and let it age. I broke into the first waxed cheese that I made the other day just to see what it was like. I can’t remember exactly how long it’s been aging, but it’s at least two years.

    When I cut into the wax, it’s a lovely white creamy color and it tastes just like a great stilton! I didn’t expect to get a blue cheese effect, but wow, it is great.

    We’ll have that with some crackers along with the caprese salad and a nice wine.

  13. 13.

    General Stuck

    @jeffreyw:

    He’s here. 17 huh. Okay, no problemo. I’ve had all eight holes on each of two feeders occupied at once with about 50 more buzzing around them like O’hare airport. I have to wait till the fledgings arrive in a few weeks though.

    And you meany Obots be nice to Corner Stone. He is special, after all.

  17. 17.

    bkny

    oh wow… a real live joe the plumber doing amazing things:

    Joe the Plumber (not that one) says he helped stop Gulf oil spill leak

    A Kansas man says he’s the ‘mystery plumber’ who influenced the BP containment cap design that stopped the Gulf oil spill leak. BP says Joe Caldart’s sketch may have been one of many it’s used.

    By Patrik Jonsson, Staff writer
    posted July 17, 2010 at 3:20 pm EDT
    Atlanta —

    The identity of the “mystery plumber” whose homemade design for a new containment cap may have helped to finally stanch the Gulf oil spill geyser emerged Saturday.

    His name is Joe Caldart, a married, 40-something blue-collar guy with five kids and three hound dogs living in St. Francis, Kan. Mr. Caldart has 907 Facebook friends. He likes the band Rednecks & Red Dirt, watches “Family Guy,” and cites the 1978 Burt Reynolds flick “Hooper” as one of his favorites.

    As to his decision to go public, Caldart says in an interview with the Monitor, “My wife was, like, ‘This is kind of scary, I don’t know if you should [go public],’ and I said, ‘Yeah and no.’ But I also felt like people should know that here an average guy submitted something that maybe helped.”

    Caldart’s sketches, routed six weeks ago to BP and the Coast Guard through University of California petroleum engineer Robert Bea, are a near identical match to the design of a new containment cap lowered last week over the renegade Macondo well 50 miles off Venice, La.

    “The idea was using the top flange on the blowout preventer as an attachment point and then employing an internal seal against that flange surface,” says Dr. Bea. “You can kind of see how a plumber thinks this way. That’s how they have to plumb homes for sewage.”

    The current design is “a steel cap, and underneath it is the internal plug and on top of that is a piston and the flow tube in the middle, and coming down the left side is the warm water inlet tube,” says Caldart. “I made that sketch on May 25th.”

    http://www.csmonitor.com/Environment/2010/0717/Joe-the-Plumber-not-that-one-says-he-helped-stop-Gulf-oil-spill-leak

  19. 19.

    dmsilev

    @asdf: We have a couple of them at work. They’re nice little beasties, compact and dead-quiet, but with a fair amount of computational grunt inside. Like everything Apple, they’re not the cheapest option around, but if that isn’t an issue, they’re definitely worth a look. The latest revision is pretty much a perfect Home Theater PC, if that’s the sort of thing you’re interested in.

    dms

  20. 20.

    Phyllis

    Fixed shrimp & grits for supper. Roasted bell peppers and tomatos from our little garden in the oven then pureed them along with a roasted jalapeno and garlic for the gravy. Let that simmer on the stove while said shrimp were peeled and grits cooked. I are stuffed.

  21. 21.

    Mark S.

    The Kaplan Daily Test Prep has an odd guest column entitled Five myths about the death penalty. Here are the myths, which I helpfully summarize:

    1. The United States is a death-penalty nation.

    Most executions occur in the South, so that doesn’t count.

    2. The United States is out of step with Europe and the rest of the Western world.

    The US was actually much more progressive than Europe on this issue back in the 1840’s.

    3. This country has the death penalty because the public supports it.

    I don’t know what his point is here.

    4. The death penalty works.

    and

    5. The death penalty doesn’t work.

    Seriously, read the fifth “myth” and decide if any of those reasons are a good reason to keep the death penalty. My favorite was, “The news media are drawn to death-penalty cases because they elevate a routine case to a suspenseful drama where life and death are at stake.”

  22. 22.

    Violet

    @dmsilev:

    Roasting in the heat here, and contemplating the horror known as “moving in about 3 weeks”. Make it stop, please…

    Oh, the horror. Just finished moving a week or so ago. Nightmarish in the heat. Get as packed up as you can early and pay movers if you can afford it. They’re worth every penny in this heat.

    I’m sorry I missed the Tea Party thread previously, but note that the National Tea Party Unity Convention still listed their schedule as happening this past week, finishing yesterday. I wonder if they’ll actually have a convention for real in October, as they say they will. I’m not holding my breath.

  24. 24.

    Corner Stone

    Anybody else see this off CNN?:

    Clinton is scheduled to announce a “massive” list of aid projects for Pakistan on Monday, according to a senior U.S. official who did not want to be named talking about the announcements before they are made. And she is expected to talk about U.S. plans to spend billions of dollars on social, economic and infrastructure development, especially in Pakistan’s tribal region.

    Billions in infrastructure
    Translation: We’re going to piss through a shitload of money, plant it right in the pockets of MIC contractors, get absolutely nothing in return AND never dare speak about doing this for anything in the USA because of the deficit.

  26. 26.

    dmsilev

    @Violet: I hear you. I moved just a year ago, and had the good sense to save as many of the boxes as I could. The first batch of boxes is out of storage, and will start to be filled in a day or so. And yes, I definitely plan on hiring professionals. Some friends offered to help me move, but between the heat and the “know what we’re doing” factor, I firmly believe that the extra money is well worth spending.

    Now all I have to do is wait while the bank gets its act together re: the mortgage and I’m good to go. First time as an owner; big big transition from renting…

    dms

  29. 29.

    asdf

    Thank you, dms. Good to hear something from someone who knows. Maybe I can talk myself out of this, they ARE pricey.

  30. 30.

    ellaesther

    @Cacti: The problem is that once peak wingnut has been achieved, someone moves the goal posts — it can never be fully achieved, because human beings are always capable of being more stupid than they have been heretofore.

  31. 31.

    demkat620

    I am watching a twelve year old cry around a mouthful of chewed up bbq chicken.

    “Worst food ever!”

    Ah, the joys of motherhood.

  32. 32.

    Mark S.

    @Cacti:

    Here, I’ll quote the paragraph:

    But the system serves some purposes nevertheless. In a nation where the prison system is so overused that the currency of imprisonment is largely devalued, the death penalty allows juries to make an emphatically punitive statement. Politicians give voters what they want by enacting capital punishment statutes even when they will never be enforced. Prosecutors use the threat of a death penalty as leverage to elicit plea bargains and cooperation. The news media are drawn to death-penalty cases because they elevate a routine case to a suspenseful drama where life and death are at stake.

    They’re all absolutely terrible reasons.

  34. 34.

    Violet

    @dmsilev:
    Just moved less than a year ago as well, and also saved all the boxes! Even saved a lot of bubble wrap, etc. Good stuff to have, but thinking off selling a lot of the big boxes at a garage sale for pennies. Hopefully won’t need them again soon. Fingers crossed.

    The movers were worth every penny both times. They shrink wrapped more valuable items of furniture so they didn’t get dinged or nicked or dirty. They’ve got the right equipment. Plus, they’re insured, so unlike if you use your friends as movers, if they drop it or break it you’ve got at least some chance of being compensated.

    Best of luck with your move.

  35. 35.

    Cacti

    @Mark S.:

    In a nation where the prison system is so overused that the currency of imprisonment is largely devalued

    That might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

  36. 36.

    Craig

    This is kinda crazy. Happened less than a quarter mile from my house:

    OAKLAND — Westbound Interstate 580 remains closed near the Grand Avenue exit as Oakland police investigators carefully search a pick-up truck involved in a shootout overnight that injured the driver, who was armed with at least three guns and wearing body armor.
    The unidentified 45-year-old white male suspect with a listed address in Groveland in Tuolumne County was shot several times and is listed in serious but stable condition at Highland Hospital, said CHP spokesman Sam Morgan. Investigators have already interviewed the man and earlier used a robot to collect evidence from his white 2006 Toyota Tundra pick-up which sits about a half mile west of Grand Avenue on the westbound shoulder. Bomb squad technicians detonated two “suspicious looking devices,” Morgan said, near the center divider as a precaution.
    From about 100 feet away, the items appeared to be plastic bottles with silver caps.
    The robot also retrieved a three-ring binder with the word “California” handwritten across the cover.

  37. 37.

    debit

    @asdf: My daughter has one and loves it. I like that on the newer models you can just pop in additional memory. On her’s, it was major surgery and rather nerve wracking. It’s a solid little machine, and suits her needs just fine: playing WoW and various media.

  38. 38.

    rnoble

    @Cacti: Is he seriously trying to make the case that because we imprison so many people that going to jail isn’t that big of a deal any more? I guess jail is just a rite of passage, like being put in a pyramid of naked dudes at your Yale fraternity.

  40. 40.

    burnspbesq

    Mets just absolutely stole a game from the Giants. Horrible call at the plate in the bottom of the ninth took what should have been the winning run off the board, and the Mets got a run in the top of the tenth.

    Ugly, but I’ll take it. Now on to Phoenix. Mandatory sweep.

  41. 41.

    dmsilev

    Your daily dose of Stupid, courtesy of Sarah Palin’s Twitter feed.
    Tweet the first:

    Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn’t it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate

    After several fairly typically inane tweets, we get this attempt to cover her …creative word choice:

    “Refudiate,” “misunderestimate,” “wee-wee’d up.” English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!

    Memo to Sarah Palin: You Are Not Shakespeare.

    dms

  42. 42.

    Dee Loralei

    @ellaesther: EE thank you for that. Giggle I did. Man, I wish I could go see that show.

    ETA: What’s for dinner? Grilled a beef roast served with chimichurra sauce. Some “beggars packets” and grilled mushrooms. And +2 on the margaritas and have Spumoni for later during Leverage. And managed to watch parts of 4 different “Being Humans” on BBC today, and “Princess and the Frog” from Netflix. Yea, I’m lazy today.

  43. 43.

    Comrade Dread

    Get out of the house tonight and go see Inception. It was one of the best movies I’ve seen in the last few years.

  45. 45.

    Professor

    The death penalty does not work. If it did work God would have sentenced Cain to death. How many innocent people have been murdered (killed) because of this barbaric act?

  46. 46.

    Doctor Science

    I continue to pick at the scab of the Knesset conversion bill. Here’s what’s really puzzling me, and wish someone *who knows what they’re talking about* could explain to me:

    The problem the bill is attempting to address is that over 300,000 recent immigrants from the Former Soviet Union do not have a Jewish status clear enough for them to be able to get married, have custody of children, or be buried in a Jewish cemetary. This is about 5% of Israel’s population, so obviously it’s a *huge* issue.

    The haredi and their supporters say that Reform and Conservative conversions in the Dispora don’t count because we don’t live halachically, the conversions are too easy and don’t “take”. But the bill will only work if the conversions it authorizes are exceptionally streamlined and quick, even slapdash — otherwise the backlog will *never* be cleared. Furthermore, many of the FSU Jews in question don’t intend to be highly observant: they came to Israel planning to live as secular Jews.

    Why are slapdash conversions without subsequent haredi behavior acceptable if they occur in Israel, but Conservative conversions in the Diaspora don’t count?

  48. 48.

    The Dangerman

    @dmsilev:

    Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn’t it stab you in the heart…

    No, because the Ground Zero mosque is NOT at Ground Zero (and I’m not even sure it’s a Mosque as opposed to a community center) and it is on private property. People can build whatever they want on private property (subject to zoning constrictions, of course). Why are we creating arguments from whole cloth, other than we have to convince stupid people that brown people that believe in a different manner shouldn’t have the same rights everyone else does (like, for example, living without the fear of having your wedding blown to bits by a missile).

    “Refudiate,” “misunderestimate,” “wee-wee’d up.” English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too.

    Got to celebrate it!

  49. 49.

    Brachiator

    @dmsilev:

    English is a living language.

    Which Palin is doing her best to kill. For us, Sarah’s tweeting is such unsweet sorrow, that she spouts inanities til it be morrow.

  50. 50.

    Svensker

    @abo gato:

    Also, I made some hard cheese yesterday from another gallon of the same raw milk, that will be sitting for another couple of days to get a rind on it then I’ll wax it and let it age. I broke into the first waxed cheese that I made the other day just to see what it was like. I can’t remember exactly how long it’s been aging, but it’s at least two years.

    Seriously? Wow. I am impressed. And jealous. And, um, want visitors for dinner?

  51. 51.

    The Dangerman

    @dmsilev:

    Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn’t it stab you in the heart…

    No, because the Ground Zero mosque is NOT at Ground Zero (and I’m not even sure it’s a Mosque as opposed to a community center) and it is on private property. People can build whatever they want on private property (subject to zoning constrictions, of course). Why are we creating arguments from whole cloth, other than we have to convince stupid people that brown people that believe in a different manner shouldn’t have the same rights everyone else does (like, for example, living without the fear of having your wedding blown to bits by a missile).

    “Refudiate,” “misunderestimate,” “wee-wee’d up.” English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too.

    Stoopid fooking beetch.

    Got to celebrate it!

    Speaking of making up words, this reminds me of the joke of a Pope that dies and goes to Heaven; when asked if he has any wishes, the Pope asks to see the original writings for the Church. After a few minutes in the Library, he comes out screaming “aieeeeeee, there’s an ‘r’, there’s an ‘r, the original word is celebrate!”

  52. 52.

    Svensker

    @Corner Stone:

    Hey, the NY/NJ trains/bridges/infrastructure is stinking shitty these days. Maybe if we pretend to be Pakistan, we’ll get some of that money?

  53. 53.

    abo gato

    Cacti…..give us your jerk recipe…..I have experimented for years to replicate what I ate in Jamaica and have not been able to come close.

    Svensker, you are always welcome! Come on over, we got plenty!

  54. 54.

    Corner Stone

    @abo gato:

    Also, I made some hard cheese yesterday from another gallon of the same raw milk, that will be sitting for another couple of days to get a rind on it then I’ll wax it and let it age. I broke into the first waxed cheese that I made the other day just to see what it was like. I can’t remember exactly how long it’s been aging, but it’s at least two years.

    Don’t let the Feds find out:

    When the 20 agents arrived bearing a search warrant at her Ventura County farmhouse door at 7 a.m. on a Wednesday a couple weeks back, Sharon Palmer didn’t know what to say. This was the third time she was being raided in 18 months, and she had thought she was on her way to resolving the problem over labeling of her goat cheese that prompted the other two raids. (In addition to producing goat’s milk, she raises cattle, pigs, and chickens, and makes the meat available via a CSA.)


    Raids are increasing on farms and private food-supply clubs

    H/T through Corrente

  55. 55.

    Linda Featheringill

    @dmsilev:

    Good luck on your move and your new home.

    I moved yesterday. Two humans, four cats, one dog, and stuff we could put into the car.

    We are in the process of losing the house, but I do have another place to live. Actually, the new [rented] space is quite livable.

    The animals are adjusting pretty well. The humans are suffering from an overdose of fatigue.

    It is a shame to lose the house. It was built in 1890 and was very charming. But, among other problems, houses like that require constant repair. And that is expensive.

    Long term unemployment is a bitch. People won’t even talk to my daughter about hiring her. They don’t care that she is a disabled vet, that she is intelligent, or that she is pleasant to work with.

    However, tomorrow is another day.

  56. 56.

    Corner Stone

    @Svensker:

    Maybe if we pretend to be Pakistan, we’ll get some of that money?

    To take advantage of that scam you’ll need at least two things:
    1. Nucular weapons that the 7th largest standing army can’t secure
    2. Ninjas who are looking to steal said nucular devices.

  57. 57.

    Svensker

    @Doctor Science:

    Guess I’m too much of American, but when you get the State involved in religion, things get complicated and some people get the good stuff and others don’t. That tends to make folks unhappy.

    I believe that’s going to become more and more of a problem for Israel and I predict that ultimately the State religion thing won’t last. Just hope it won’t get too ugly first.

  60. 60.

    eemom

    @Doctor Science:

    I asked this question yesterday, still curious.

    The bill only applies to conversions, right? Therefore, anybody with a Jewish mom is still considered Jewish under the Law of Return no matter how secular they are?

    If that’s all true, there are many, many such people — so exactly what is the bill supposed to accomplish? In terms of “purification” against the secular, it seems like a loser. At best, it would serve to keep out converted Jews who care enough about Judaism/Israel to convert in the first place, which doesn’t make a lot of sense, unless they’re suspected of being spies, or something.

    oy gevalt.

  61. 61.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Corner Stone: My nephew has a ninja costume, if that helps. Of course, he is only eight – so he will seem small and ninja-like, especially in his ninja costume. Alternatively, he could dress as Boba Fett.

  62. 62.

    abo gato

    Corner Stone, what a load of shit! I’m only making stuff for us, not to sell to anyone…..but seriously, don’t the feds have better things to do?

    I guess that makes me sound like a rightwinger, but jebus, have some perspective here, assholes.

  63. 63.

    SIA

    @Mike in NC: I like one of the comments responding to the KP drivel (C’mon Kathleen. I know you can do better. Wearing a pink suit with a bow just to piss off the FemiNazis?)

    If Palin was a grizzly bear I’m sure she’d be one of the smartest bears on earth; however as a human being, she has the intellect of a box of feathers.

    I like “dumber than a sack of hair” myself, but same difference.

  64. 64.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @SIA:

    If Palin was a grizzly bear I’m sure she’d be one of the smartest bears on earth; however as a human being, she has the intellect of a box of feathers.

    She is no Yogi Bear, dammit.

  66. 66.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @SIA: On the other hand, if she finds a fork in the road she will take it, along with the spoon, knife, china, and stemware.

  67. 67.

    Corner Stone

    @abo gato:

    but seriously, don’t the feds have better things to do?

    Depending on your perspective, and level of paranoia, it’s theorized that raids and hassles like these are a way to shut down end runs around the establishment food chain.
    If people move to a more resilient based community mindset, and encourage the locavore mentality then Big Ag and Big Beef, etc., have less of a stranglehold on leverage and marketing.
    It also lessens the despair for those in unemployed or underemployed situations. If you can feed yourself, or otherwise provide for your basic needs, then you’re not quite so trapped and can focus on other aspects of your situation.

    IMO, I’d like to know more about what exactly they think they are protecting the commonweal from with these raids. Bad milk? Products that may be unhealthy?
    Those exist but seeing as how they inspect some 2% of all beef (IIRC), and we still see bagged salads and canned tomatoes with bacteria then don’t they have more urgent needs for those resources? Three raids in 18 months with some 20 agents at a time?
    I’m very sceptical about the motives and decision making employed here.
    But I have a cynical perspective and a very healthy level of paranoia.

  68. 68.

    Brachiator

    @Corner Stone:

    Clinton is scheduled to announce a “massive” list of aid projects for Pakistan on Monday, according to a senior U.S. official who did not want to be named talking about the announcements before they are made.

    What a buncha dumbasses.

    Nucular weapons that the 7th largest standing army can’t secure

    Hell, there are girl scout troops that could take down the Pakistan army.

  69. 69.

    Corner Stone

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    My nephew has a ninja costume, if that helps. Of course, he is only eight – so he will seem small and ninja-like, especially in his ninja costume.

    Then he’s about as real a threat to Paki nukes as the rest of the ninjas we’re spending hundreds of billions of dollars being terrified of.
    Drones have been notified, thank you for your assistance Citizen.

  70. 70.

    El Cid

    Why have I not fucking seen this on the interwebs?

    I was just watching the latest “Soup” and in the ‘Clip of the Week’ segment, they showed where Fox & Friends took this ridiculous story of the Taliban training killer monkeys and, I-shit-you-not, photoshopping a pistol into a monkey’s hand and Gretchen Carlsen explained that this was a photoshopped picture illustrating what this might be like.

    Here is a screencap of that precious, precious moment.

    I really don’t think I have ever seen a better illustration of how god-damned stupid these fucking Monsters of Dumbth are.

  71. 71.

    JCT

    @asdf: We have a few minis in my lab — everyone loves them and since we usually have extra keyboards and LCDs sitting around they are a pretty good deal for us.

    I should add that they are really robust little machines, one of my students has his crunching nearly 24/7. We currently have 3 and I will add 2 more in the fall.

    From the standpoint of uptime and management, our Macs have been swell. No complaints and personally I am willing to pay a bit extra for that.

  73. 73.

    General Stuck

    It is fairly amazing to me that good well scrubbed progressive betters are now complaining about the bad ass US of A launching butter instead of guns at our detractors. A few billion to win hearts and minds seems like a good idea to me. I agree with ceasing the droning of occupied dwellings based on half ass intelligence. Maybe it won’t make any difference, but the richest nation of earth could do worse ponying up what amounts to American pocket change to build a few schools and whatnot. But what do I know being an Obot.

  74. 74.

    Martin

    @asdf: I know quite a lot about the mini. It’s a nice machine. I’ve got 2 at home and 4 in the office, including one of the newest model. Only had that for 2 days, so I can’t pass along much experience from it.

    The mini is a quite nice little desktop but with some of the minor limitations that come with a laptop. My newest one at home is our home theater system. I’ve got two external drives which hold music, movies, etc. and I drive it using the built-in Front Row, which isn’t too bad.

    It’s not an appropriate gaming system, but I’d recommend it for anything else. I liked the $499 price tag when it first came out better. The $699 model is more capable all-around (even considering the march of technology) but having a basement priced Mac was nice.

  75. 75.

    JCT

    @eemom:

    The bill only applies to conversions, right? Therefore, anybody with a Jewish mom is still considered Jewish under the Law of Return no matter how secular they are?

    .

    My understanding is conversions only. Actually, sometimes proving that mom *was* Jewish (in the event that she is no longer living) such that the rabbinical court in Israel is satisfied can be nontrivial. Frankly, getting a “kosher enough” conversion is tough.

    This is all somewhat insane and an example of Israel shooting itself in the foot again. You would think they would welcome these folks with open arms, not decide they are not “Jewish” enough — heaven knows they didn’t exactly have freedom of religion back in the Soviet Union when they were growing up.

    The haredis are really starting to get aggressive. Not a good thing. As one of my modern Orthodox colleagues once said “they consider me to be one step above a Catholic. Barely.”

  77. 77.

    Doctor Science

    @eemom:

    The problem the bill is supposed to solve is that hundreds of thousands of people came to Israel from the FSU who consider themselves Jewish but who do *not* have a well-documented Jewish mother. As far as I can tell, Israel took them even though they didn’t necessarily qualify under the Law of Return, because they thought they were Jewish and the people persecuting them thought they were Jewish and that was Jewish enough, Israel figured they’d sort it all out later.

    Now it’s later, *way* later. Legally, these people need to be formally converted so they can e.g. *get married*. The bill is supposed to make it much easier to get a local rabbi to do the conversion — but it’s also giving the haredi a lot more control over the whole process, control that they’ve already proved they *will* abuse.

    Clearly, what everyone *needs* is a community-level mass conversion — but I’m pretty sure those are currently Not Approved Of, halachically.

  78. 78.

    MikeJ

    Does anybody know which porn movie Dr Pepper was quoting on FB?

    Teh grauniad sez

    But the promotion backfired when a parent protested after finding her 14-year-old daughter had been sent a message that made direct reference to a hardcore pornographic film, which has an underground following.
    __
    The film the message referred to is particularly controversial because of practices it depicts

    But the bastards never name the movie. How can you claim to report news if you won’t actually report any news?

  79. 79.

    JGabriel

    @Mike in NC:

    Check out the latest love note from Kathleen Parker …

    I’m not entirely sure that’s a love note. Parker’s tone seems to be more one of ironically bemused mocking:

    The genius of Sarah’s message, whatever it is, is that it doesn’t matter what it is. Of course, Americans want their country back. We’d prefer that China not own us. Most don’t like unfunded federal mandates, takeovers or bailouts. Except when it benefits us directly. These are not uniquely Sarah’s or Republicans’ thoughts. More than a few Democrats are equally concerned about deficit spending and a health care plan without cost controls.
    __
    No, the genius isn’t the message, but the messenger. Sarah has positioned herself as the spokesperson for The Good Woman (i.e. conservatives) and thus has inoculated herself and her message from criticism. To criticize Sarah now is to impugn Womankind. Worse, it is anti-Mom.
    __
    One never tires of Mom, I suppose. I’m a mom. You’re a mom. We all had a mom. Why, even some Democratic women are moms.

    I think the tone here definitely has a note of “Oh, look, isn’t this idiocy rich?”

    Admittedly, we don’t generally expect conservatives to be knowingly ironic – it’s not their strong suit – so one sees how you could have missed it, but Parker is one of the few who actually knows how to wield irony. And I doubt she’s a Palin fan.

    .

  80. 80.

    asdf

    Thank you very much, JCT. All I want is something to run clean and simple. I was one of those kids who knew what Thoreau meant when he said, “Simplify, simplify, simplify.” I’m old now but that’s still true.

  81. 81.

    JCT

    @Doctor Science:

    Clearly, what everyone needs is a community-level mass conversion—but I’m pretty sure those are currently Not Approved Of, halachically.

    This revives great imagery of those old mass “Moonie” weddings. Parachutes for chuppot?

  82. 82.

    Cat Lady

    @General Stuck:

    This is what I thought might and should have happened in Afghanistan right after 9/11. I actually believed at that time that Bush was smart enought to use all the good will the US had engendered, and coupled with our vast reach and resources, love bombed the infrastructure of that backwater to counteract the Taliban in order to turn the population against them, and their clients al quaeda. Instead, the US took the dead end through Baghdad. Fuck that idiot Bush over and over and over, times a bazillion through eternity.

  84. 84.

    Svensker

    @General Stuck:

    It is fairly amazing to me that good well scrubbed progressive betters are now complaining about the bad ass US of A launching butter instead of guns at our detractors.

    If I thought they were actually doing anything productive, like building schools and wells and roads, instead of giving money to the wrong folks who will go out and buy weapons and drugs and big houses I might not bitch and moan so much. Plus we’re not going to STOP launching guns, we’re just going to butter the guns.

    But then, I’m pretty much of a “bring all the troops home” and keep our noses out of other people’s shit kinda girl.

  85. 85.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    Fried potatoes, steamed green beans and char-grilled steak courtesy of ye olde gas grill.

    It was nearly courtesy of ye olde gas grill and ye even older toole shede, but I got there before the flames got too out of control.

  86. 86.

    yutsano

    Okay I’m gonna try my comment again:

    @eemom: I’m wondering if part of this action may also be related to an undercurrent of racism in Israeli society. About ten years back (Ella I’m sure can recall this incident better than I can right now) there was a group of Ehtiopian Jews called the Falasha that petitioned for Right of Return and were denied because they look pretty much the same as other Ethiopians. They took their case to court and only won after genetic testing proved they were indeed of the Abrahamic line. So it wouldn’t surprise me if that was part of the motivation behind the haradei wanting even more control over who is actually Jewish. At least I hope I’m wrong.

  87. 87.

    Svensker

    Parker is one of the few who actually knows how to wield irony. And I doubt she’s a Palin fan.

    She’s the one who said Palin “wasn’t ready to lead” back in June 2009.

  88. 88.

    Doctor Science

    @JCT:

    Parachutes for chuppot?

    Sure, why not!

    But seriously, are you in Israel or do you know what’s going on? Why does everyone who thinks the bill is a good idea (judging by the comments sections at JPost and Haaretz) say the problem with Reform converts is that they aren’t living halachically, when the FSU Jews are *planning* to be secular? Do the FSU Jews realize that they’re setting themselves up to be purged, down the line?

  89. 89.

    tkogrumpy

    My question is, who is this David Webb guy, and who made the decision to put his black face on national T.V. this morning. Is this apparent “not racist, just black like me” the new teabagger strategy?

  90. 90.

    Svensker

    @Cat Lady:

    This is what I thought might and should have happened in Afghanistan right after 9/11. I actually believed at that time that Bush was smart enought to use all the good will the US had engendered, and coupled with our vast reach and resources, love bombed the infrastructure of that backwater to counteract the Taliban in order to turn the population against them, and their clients al quaeda. Instead, the US took the dead end through Baghdad. Fuck that idiot Bush over and over and over, times a bazillion through eternity.

    Just finished reading Mortensen’s “Three Cups of Tea” and he really makes it clear, without being political, what bozos the Americans were in Afghanistan. And then I read in this morning’s paper that the Obama’s boys are working with Mortensen now to try to figure some stuff out. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could figure out a way to get out of there and not engender too much blowback? In my dreams.

    If you haven’t read Three Cups of Tea, I highly recommend it. A real help to understanding the area — and the hopelessness of our mission of bombing them back to the stone age.

  91. 91.

    Alien-Radio

    @MikeJ:

    The status update was

    ‘I watched 2 girls one cup and felt hungry afterwards’

    2 minutes and a refined search string.

    if it was swap.avi, she might have had more of a case.

  92. 92.

    Corner Stone

    @JGabriel:

    Parker is one of the few who actually knows how to wield irony. And I doubt she’s a Palin fan.

    I got a whiff of something too, not sure it was irony.
    But I tend to not care very much for anyone who would wear an outfit she hated solely because it was going to piss off a group of people.
    I guess that’s why I’m not a multi-million dollar self-promoter.

  94. 94.

    Cat Lady

    @Svensker:

    I read it recently. It made me cry, on so many levels. I get my back up about great white Western savior stories, but Mortensen is a pretty interesting guy. I’m awfully cynical now to believe that anything positive is possible, but I’ll keep an ember glowing.

  95. 95.

    Svensker

    @Cat Lady:

    I get my back up about great white Western savior stories, but Mortensen is a pretty interesting guy.

    I actually didn’t want to read it for that very reason. But a very earnest Quaker friend gave it to me and I knew I couldn’t get away with pretending to read it, and ended up finding it absolutely gripping.

    My friend saw him speak recently in Montreal and said he comes across as passionate and engaging in person as he does in the book.

  97. 97.

    Cat Lady

    @Svensker:

    There is something about him that’s really compelling. He may be this generation’s more enlightened Albert Schweitzer, and he’s still very young. I’d like to meet him.

  98. 98.

    JCT

    @Doctor Science: Actually my eldest spent the spring studying in Jerusalem and is planning on returning for a bit when she is done with her studies in Fes (necessitating yet another routing through Paris — crazy world we live in). According to her this has been a huge topic of discussion at school (H.U.). Frankly, she has been rather shell-shocked by the abundance and growing control of the heredi — even though she is relatively observant she is not remotely close to their level and finds this entire idea of giving them control of conversions to be very troubling.

    I just passed along your question both to her and our friend in Israel who has been hosting her. If they have anything to say beyond “OY, those heredi will ruin the country” I’ll let you know.

    Nothing is simple when it comes to Israel. Nothing. This is what I find so amusing when folks in the media try to portray Jews/Israelis as this monolithic bloc. What a joke.

    JT

  99. 99.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @ellaesther #23:

    * a degree of wry self-deprecation so advanced it can only be called Canadian*

    I am so stealing thisa line.

  102. 102.

    yutsano

    @SIA: I’m still at the old job right now actually. I’m being a semi-slacker today (well not really, I filled my quota on one project at 4 PM today and I started at noon so I’m doing much much less there). The big move will be some time in August, not certain of the exact date as of yet. I’m gonna start the serious house scrounging come next week. Few nifty possibilities on Craigslist although my mother has this weird notion of me buying right away. I’m planning on a purchase, but in about a year when my salary increases are more solid and I’m a bit more established financially.

    @SiubhanDuinne: So when do we present Ella with her very own solid gold Internets?

  103. 103.

    SIA

    @El Cid: I’m just waiting till it comes out on The Daily Show.

    Honestly. Nothing they do surprises me anymore. It makes me despair.

  105. 105.

    Svensker

    @El Cid:

    Really? No love for the Fox & Friends monkey with a gun in its hand?

    Oh, gosh, are they running stories on Dubya again?

  106. 106.

    SIA

    @SiubhanDuinne: You are part Italian? :)

    @yutsano: Oh, I LOVE house hunting. Fun! I think you might be right to wait, until you know all the neighborhoods. So happy for you.

    ETA: Haha Svensker! “Oh, gosh, are they running stories on Dubya again? ” Beautiful.

  107. 107.

    El Cid

    @SIA: Here’s part of what amuses me most.

    #1: In all the years of Fox News, I have literally never seen anything stupider. That’s big.

    #2: Gretchen announced in advance that the image of the monkey with a pistol in its hand was photoshopped.

    This implies

    {a} They feared that some of their Neandertard viewers would think this was really a photo of a Taliban killer monkey sporting a pistol;

    and/or

    {b} Their Neandertard viewers would otherwise be unable to imagine in their own heads what a monkey with a gun might look like.

    I really don’t think I have ever seen anything sadder, more pathetic, more amiably insulting to their viewers, on Fox & Friends — nay, on all of FoxNooz. I’m open to corrections.

    Compared to this, signs of Obama as a witch doctor with a bone through his nose is political cartooning in the tradition of Thomas Nast.

  108. 108.

    MikeJ

    @El Cid: Hey Bonzo,
    where you going with that gun in your hand?
    I’m gonna shoot my bonobo,
    caught her peeling the banana of another man…

  109. 109.

    General Stuck

    @Cat Lady:

    This is what I thought might and should have happened in Afghanistan right after 9/11.

    There was a period, or window, for a couple of years where the Taliban was pretty much destroyed as a fighting force, where it was at least possible to have made a lasting difference in that country. And Bush squandered it completely. Not that it was even close to a certainty of success if he had tried, but we could have at least said we gave it our best effort. The problem was poor leadership from the US and Afghanistan with the corrupt Karzai. My personal belief that the only person with the credibility and stature as an Afghan leader was Massood, leader of the Northern Alliance who was assassinated 2 days before 9-11 by AQ and OBL.

    It’s time to wrap up our ground war there, as that is a hopeless quagmire. What comes after who knows. We may soon have a ground war here in America before too much longer anyways. So maybe the isolationists are right. Just pull everything into our own borders and deal with our own shit.

  110. 110.

    JCT

    @El Cid: Between this and the hilarious pile-on after Palin’s nitwit tweet (I know, nitwit tweet # 2,000) re: the community center/mosque near Ground Zero, I am absolutely floored by laughter this evening.

    {a} They feared that some of their Neandertard viewers would think this was really a photo of a Taliban killer monkey sporting a pistol;

    Yes, well given that so many of Fox’s mindless followers are armed to the teeth I’m sure that they envisioned them overrunning local zoos to blow away every monkey they could find.

    Perfect antidote to the idiocy of the Sunday shows today.

  111. 111.

    El Cid

    @JCT: PLEASE WE URGE OUR VIEWERS TO STOP SHOOTING THE MONKEYS IN THE ZOOS. THESE ARE NOT, WE REPEAT, NOT TALIBAN KILLER MONKEY SLEEPING CELLS.

    Now we rejoin Fox & Friends, which is currently illustrating how electricity works, though we warn viewers that the pictures of the little light bulb with a happy face is a cartoon — there are no little smiling light bulb men running through your home’s walls and thus we would like to urge our viewers to stop shooting at their walls with shotguns.

  114. 114.

    eemom

    Nothing is simple when it comes to Israel. Nothing. This is what I find so amusing when folks in the media try to portray Jews/Israelis as this monolithic bloc. What a joke.

    This. This indeed.

  115. 115.

    Doctor Science

    @JCT:

    What a joke.

    nodnod. And the name of that joke is “Two Jews, three opinions.”

    Thanks for passing my question to your daughter etc.! I see Bibi has come out against the bill, but I don’t know what that means besides more infighting.

  116. 116.

    yutsano

    @Doctor Science:

    I see Bibi has come out against the bill, but I don’t know what that means besides more infighting.

    Bibi knows not to piss off his major money base, which is the American Jewish community. No doubt he’s getting some blowback from these shores about the law. And if you think about it that makes sense: the American definition of “Jew” has always trended to the nebulous, mostly because of the prevalence of mixed marriages in the US.

  118. 118.

    JCT

    @El Cid: OK, now I have TEARS from laughing.

    TALIBAN KILLER MONKEY SLEEPING CELLS

    FTW!

    The Bronx zoo is not far from where I work — the imagery of the wingnuts infiltrating the Monkey house to eradicate the “sleeper cells” is a scream.

    I have no idea why I am laughing– this wouldn’t surprise me.

  120. 120.

    ellaesther

    @yutsano: Daw! That is about the sweetest thing I’ve heard in a week! Thank you! Sadly, my unemployment situation being what it is, I would likely melt it down for the gold, but I would greatly appreciate the honor, all the same.

    But re: the Ethiopian thing, I actually don’t have any recollection of that at all. So you may have to give me, like, a stainless steel Internet, instead.

    @SiubhanDuinne: I actually read everything down to the word “boughten” out loud to my husband and then said “I will never not wish that I had written every single word of that.” I then kind of waved my hands at the screen and added “alllll of it.” (And then I tweeted the writer to tell him so, and he tweeted back to thank me! Sometimes I love Twitter).

    @Omnes Omnibus: Had to roll over to my big-ass dictionary to look that up, but now that I know, I must agree. It is so. And that’s a word I may have to find a way to use.

  122. 122.

    MattR

    @Doctor Science: And I am reminded of an old, old Jon Stewart bit where he imagines the meeting of the Jewish elite who want to control the banks.

    Jew #1: “All right. Saul, Morris, everybody, sit down. We are going to start the meeting to control the banks”
    Jew #2: “Oh sure. Who died and left you king. No sure, start the meeting. I’ll sit over here. I’m nobody. I’m nothing. I’ve got no opinions”

  123. 123.

    matoko_chan

    @Corner Stone: the reason we can never speak Its Name is that we are pumping bucks in there to bribe the population away from islamic culture.
    sadface for that retarded WEC Bush, when muslims are empowered to vote, they vote for shariah law.
    In Pakistan, the clergy ARE the lawyers and vice versa.
    the only the Bush Doctrine could ever have worked was if we built a mess of secular universities and than went home for 2 centuries or so.
    What a retard Bush was.
    All that blood and treasure for nothing.

  124. 124.

    Brachiator

    @raholco:

    asleep_awake RT @andydaglas: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in the stars, but in the Lamestream Media #ShakesPalin

    Funny stuff. Thanks for the link.

  125. 125.

    ellaesther

    @JCT: @Doctor Science: & @yusanto: I do swear to you that I did not come here to once again pimp the post I wrote last week about the issue of how Israel treats non-Israeli Jews, but I have to admit, this seems like the right night, and the right crowd. So pimp it I shall:

    Bad Jews.

    I wrote it in the wake of the conversion bill passing and Anat Hoffman being arrested for carrying a Torah scroll, but the thoughts in it had been rattling about in my brain for a few weeks, to wit: Israel is more than happy to demand the cash and political support of American Jews, but their Judaism has never been good enough.

  128. 128.

    El Cid

    @JCT: Yeah, you’ll laugh until the Taliban Killer Monkeys (as yet no band of this name has been confirmed) begin blowing up Hanuman statues as an idolic splitter and imposing simi’a law.

  129. 129.

    Doctor Science

    @ellaesther:

    And I keep checking for you to write another post! Srsly, I’d be interested in what you (and your husband) think about why FSU Israelis can convert to secular Judaism, but Conservative and Reform don’t make the cut. Why do the FSU Israelis not worry about their conversions being revoked?

  130. 130.

    SIA

    @El Cid:

    This implies
    __
    {a} They feared that some of their Neandertard viewers would think this was really a photo of a Taliban killer monkey sporting a pistol;
    __
    and/or
    __
    {b} Their Neandertard viewers would otherwise be unable to imagine in their own heads what a monkey with a gun might look like.

    begin blowing up Hanuman statues as an idolic splitter and imposing simi’a law.

    Clearly, you are the winner.

  131. 131.

    yutsano

    @Doctor Science: OOH! OOH! I KNOW THE ANSWER!!

    FSU immigrants are much more willing to accept land in the occupied territories than American and western European emigres are. They will snap that up, especially for the ridiculous prices (sometimes even free) that the Israeli government offers them. So it makes total sense that their conversions would be accepted easily by the haradei.

  132. 132.

    ellaesther

    @Doctor Science: I think they actually are worried, because, in fact, some of those conversions have been revoked. Or, I guess annulled is a better word, because it’s a legal procedure. Like it never really happened in the first place, because the convert “lied” to the court.

    Though on second reading I’m not sure what you mean by “convert to secular Judaism”…?

    Not sure I have it in me to write about it again anytime soon! This is what I tend to do — I explode in fury, and spit it out all over the screen, and then, well, I’ve said it! And I’m emotionally spent! It often takes me a while to get back to some topic that really has me worked up.

  133. 133.

    Doctor Science

    @ellaesther:

    “covert to secular Judaism” was irony. Sarcasm? That is, they were planning to have haredi conversions, but be secular Jews. And I *totally* understand emotional burnout, especially on topics related to Israel.

    @yutsano:

    aaaah. Much is now explained. Thank you!

  134. 134.

    ellaesther

    @Doctor Science: I thought that might be the case, but you know, on the intertubez, one commenter’s sarcasm is another commenter’s OMFG DEADLY SRS! So, you know, I thought I should check…!

    And that’s exactly why some of the conversions have been undone. Because that’s exactly what so many of them did (as, if you ask me, is their right, but believe me, no one’s asking me!)

  135. 135.

    Jay in Oregon

    So I got a friend request for an old high school friend the other day on Facebook.

    This guy was really, really nice. A little bit picked-upon; but hey, so was I. Anyhoo, he sents this big long e-message — how have you been? What are you doing these days? I see that you’re married, have any kids? — so I go to his profile to see what he’s been up to.

    Halfway down his page, I see “[Fred] likes Rush Limbaugh and the EIB Network.”

    I’m speechless. I never took him to be the kind of person who would go full-on wingnut.

    There’s nothing else on his profile that indicates any right-wing affiliations — no Tea Party, no Sarah Palin fanclub, he lists his political affiliation as “Odd”.

  136. 136.

    MikeJ

    @Jay in Oregon: I think part of Rush’s appeal for some is that he makes his philosophy, such as it is, transgressive. If you think of yourself as a free thinker who doesn’t let anyone tell you what to think, you’re more likely to let Rush tell you what to think. Perhaps if more people knew that he’s just peddling the same shit Father Coughlin did 75 years ago maybe they would see through it.

  137. 137.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Mark S.: Goddamn it. I had the phrase death panel stuck in my mind the entire time I read your post, so I was very confused until I made it to the very end of your comment. My brain has a hurt now.

    @yutsano: What happened to your capital?

    This day sucked. Hope tomorrow is better.

  139. 139.

    Yutsano

    @Mnemosyne: It’s also a false fear. The USDA isn’t knocking down your door if you keep your products for private use. And you can give those products as gifts, but you can’t sell anything that has to have an inspection by the USDA. Trust me, I give away eggs all the time but I can’t take anything in kind for that.

  140. 140.

    JCT

    @Doctor Science:

    It’s late, but here is the basic scoop from my pal the Israeli (I forwarded it to my kid who said “What she said”).

    My friend is a mostly secular Israeli who moved to the US many years ago but still has close family and an apt in Tel Aviv. Her basic comment is that this is a lousy law but the situation at present is terrible so it is hard to imagine that this will make it worse (!!).

    1. The law will give authority to the Rabanut Rashit for all things relating to conversion. In the past any (Orthodox) rabbi with “training” in conversion could do it, but not surprisingly the haredi did not like this because some were “lenient” , so they want unified (haredi) rules.

    2. There is an interesting twist– the real problem here is that even with the all of this the problems usually start *after* the so-called “easy” conversions. Like when someone wants to get married or divorced they have to go to the Rabanut Rashit anyway and if you are not Jewish “enough” according to them this is when all the trouble starts– for example, (and apparently this happened recently) a convert went to get a Jewish divorce only to discover that her conversion was not “kosher” enough and thus she was really even married. The law, by centralizing this, should “stop” this problem, but she is quite sure it will not pass anyway.

    3. And the folks from the FSU? Hah, apparently the Russian Party supports this on some level because because many of their supporters are not Jewish and they want in return a law that will allow Civil Unions. There are none in Israel. Of course the availability of Civil Unions will allow Jews to go that route (and so much for the conversion mess.)

    She also added that these problems were partially “their” (secular, conservative, reform) fault to begin with as they let the Orthodox run the “Jewish” part of the state…

    As eemom said “Oy”.

    And @ellaesther — I enjoyed your post. Israel is a very interesting place. My daughter, a born and raised NYC Jew — said that when she was studying in Jerusalem she never felt “more Jewish, yet at the same time, religiously inadequate”.

    JT

  141. 141.

    Corner Stone

    @Mnemosyne:

    Clearly it’s completely irrational of the FDA to start inspecting small cheesemakers once it’s discovered that small cheesemakers are selling cheeses infected with listeria.

    I acknowledged these events were possible, if you bothered to read. But give us a fucking break. Who is more dangerous? The artisan cheesemaker with a problem, or the Big Ag supply and distribution that goes nationwide?
    I’m not trying to scare or fearmonger anyone, as is obvious if you’re not a fucking moron.
    Just putting an interesting (to me) related story in a little contextual thread.
    So stop being such a relentlessly boring pedantic douchebag.

  142. 142.

    Corner Stone

    @Yutsano:

    The USDA isn’t knocking down your door if you keep your products for private use

    Which was not what my post was about. Just sharing info with a home cheesemaker, not fearmongering.

Comments are closed.