Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

People are complicated. Love is not.

This fight is for everything.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

After roe, women are no longer free.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Happy New Year, Everyone

Reader Interactions

148Comments

  1. 1.

    Yutsano

    Akemashite o omedeto gozaimasu to you too JC. I got a few hours to go yet, I still have time to decide if I want to brave the cold to go watch the Space Needle go boom.

  2. 2.

    General Stuck

    Probably Dick Clark, due to being 190 years old. but Happy New Year to you senor Cole, and kudos for the effort and angst at keeping the BJ boat afloat!!

  4. 4.

    suzanne

    Happy New Year to you, too, John. We’ve got two hours to go.

    AZ recently passed a law permitting sales of fireworks. Many municipalities still ban their use, but have said they won’t actively be enforcing the bans. So we have idiots all over the place setting off fireworks in the streets. AND it’s supposed to snow, so I have no idea WTF I live here.

  5. 5.

    Brachiator

    Happy New Year everyone, even though we still have a few hours to go here on the West Coast.

    Hey, I can see the new year from my house. Also, too.

    ETA: Writing 1.1.11 is cool

  6. 6.

    Steeplejack

    I like Kathy Griffin. This gig has to be a thankless task. Which raises the question of why take it in the first place, but when you’re on the D-list you have to take whatever you can get, I guess. No exposure is bad exposure, etc.

  8. 8.

    The Dangerman

    Shit, us West Coasters have just started drinking; wait for us!

    Edit: Is Dick Clark even alive? Could it be an Disney animitron?

  9. 9.

    Gozer

    Ate some burritos with my lovely wife and now I’m settling down with some 18 yr old Laphroaig and Call of Duty: Black Ops multiplayer.

    Yeah…I party hardcore!

  10. 10.

    Kermit

    Hi there.
    I’m a lurker who reads religiously and never contributes a damn thing to the conversation but I just wanted to give a shout out to all you and concur that The CNN show is just about the most awkward thing I’ve seen since last year. Rock on all. Eat Snacky Smores.

  11. 11.

    flukebucket

    Happy New Year John Cole. You have a wonderful place here. And Happy New Year to all other front pagers and commenters. You guys provide me with endless entertainment. Thank you all.

  12. 12.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Yutsano:

    That’s right. You’re in Seattle now. Man, I hope the weather tomorrow is like it was today because if it is I’ll take that as an omen that 2011 will be a good year. Sure it was cold today, but so clear, the mountains were fucking gorgeous and there’s this shade of blue that the Sound gets on days like today that is absolutely and indescribably beautiful. I relaxed and kicked back, ran a few errands and am going to watch the director’s cut of Dark City. It was just a nice and low key way to end 2010, which started off really depressingly for me and didn’t get much better.

  14. 14.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne:

    I have no idea WTF I live here

    Porque tu esta un diablo del Sol. :) Plus I figure if anyone will make Grandpa Walnuts stroke out it’s you.

    @Wile E. Quixote: It’s supposed to hold all weekend. Not that Seattle meteorologists can find their asses with both hands and a GPS as it is.

  16. 16.

    suzanne

    @Yutsano:

    Plus I figure if anyone will make Grandpa Walnuts stroke out it’s you.

    He’s resisted my best efforts thus far. Cranky bastard.

  17. 17.

    asiangrrlMN

    Hola, all. Half an hour to go until 1/1/11 for me! Happy New Year, y’all. Hope everyone has fun, joy, love, happiness, and all that in the new year.

  18. 18.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne: Evil can be very hard to destroy sometimes. I think what will finally do it is Cindy calling the divorce lawyers. That should be fun: he’d be single, NOT dumping her, and cut off from her beer heiress fortune.

    @asiangrrlMN: Ouiser Honey you’re almost chipper. What’d you do run over a small child or something? :)

  20. 20.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @John Cole

    New Year on the east coast. Flipping between the channels, I can’t tell who is slurring worse- Kathy Griffin or Dick Clark.
    __
    Yeah. I went there. We’re gonna start the New Year with the same heightened levels of dignity we’ve always had.

    I just love it when you’re bitchy John, because when you’re bitchy you’re fabulously bitchy, like Alice Roosevelt Longworth “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”, fabulously bitchy and I just can’t get enough of that.

  21. 21.

    MBL

    Someone has got to tell Dick Clark that it’s OK to stop now. I swear to god they’ve got him in front of a greenscreen and he’s not in New York at all.

    …oh no, they recorded this last year, didn’t they? How many do you think they made? :-)

  22. 22.

    Suffern ACE

    Boyfriend has been asleep since 9:30 since he has to wake up at 4:00am for a shift at the hospital. 1/2 hour into the new year and I’m already bored with it. I need some blogger somewhere to say something stupid as my disbelief is all I have left after 2010. On second thought, I hope 2011 is stays boring and we all have uneventful years.

  23. 23.

    Steeplejack

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Hey, girl, hey! (RuPaul’s Drag Race inflection) I wish you a happy and prosperous new year in ’11. Plus whatever Chinese year of the whatever it is. I was born on the cusp of rabbit and dragon. Interesting mix.

  24. 24.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @suzanne:

    I don’t know. Fireworks and snow sounds like a Hell of a lot of fun to me. I couldn’t handle the summers there though. I’m weak. Living in the Northwest for 30+ years has completely sapped my ability to deal with temperatures over 85 degrees without sweating profusely and saying “Jesus Christ it’s hot. It’s so hot. OMFG it’s hot. What’s the temperature? 91 degrees, only 91 fucking degrees, it’s like surface of the sun. Fuck this. I’m getting whole house AC so that next summer when we have another one of these heat waves where it goes over 85 degrees for seven days that I don’t die.” It’s not pretty I tell you.

  25. 25.

    Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen

    We’re gonna start the New Year with the same heightened levels of dignity we’ve always had.

    Whew. That’s one worry about the 2011 already dispelled.

    Hmm. Ambulances and fire trucks whipping through my neighborhood. Perhaps some students have hurt themselves in an amusing manner.

  27. 27.

    mr. whipple

    @General Stuck:

    I fully expect Obama to sell out fun next year.

    He already negotiated it away to the Republicans. They wanted to cut fun by 75%, and Obama said, “please sir, let me cut it by 90%.”

    This is where Obama always fucks up. He should go into these things saying he wants to increase fun 650,000,000%, and so when the goopers want to cut it 75%, it actually increases 487,000,000%. Dood can’t negotiate for shit.

  30. 30.

    eemom

    Happy new year gentle juicers!

    Happy new year crabby-ass Cole!

    Here’s to another year of shithouse lawyerating, flame-war-mongerating, and general wastage of vast globs of ill-spent toobz-time.

  31. 31.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Oh, like you’re a freaking ray of sunshine! Wait, you are. I read a good comic, and I’m working on a blog entry for my place (may crosspost, we shall see) about, hm, I wonder what? The end of the year? Of course. Did you have to work today?

    @suzanne: Well, one of the spawn of Sarah will be living in your state pretty soon, so I’m hoping you will haunt her, too. Speaking of, how is little Mia?

    @Tattoosydney: Squeeeeeee! Hi, hon! You shit-faced?

  34. 34.

    shoutingattherain

    @Wile E. Quixote:

    I’m weak. Living in the Northwest for 30+ years has completely sapped my ability to deal with temperatures over 85 degrees without sweating profusely and saying “Jesus Christ it’s hot. It’s so hot. OMFG it’s hot. What’s the temperature? 91 degrees, only 91 fucking degrees, it’s like surface of the sun. Fuck this. I’m getting whole house AC so that next summer when we have another one of these heat waves where it goes over 85 degrees for seven days that I don’t die.”

    Man I hear ya. Over here in Central Oregon in the summertime when the humidity skyrockets to 17% or 18% I just wanna fall out and die. I am such a wuss.

  36. 36.

    Alison

    We’re gonna start the New Year with the same heightened levels of dignity we’ve always had.

    I expect nothing less, friend.

    I’m in CA so it’s still suck-ass 2010 here, but I did want to say, if you’ll pardon a little sappiness, that I found BJ this year and am really glad I did. Quickly became one of my favorite blogs and definitely the one I check the most throughout the day, thanks to 18 daily open threads, long-ass comment threads, awesome troll takedowns, prevalence of cats and dogs, etc etc. Thanks to all the posters and commenters and pets for helping me waste time and bug people on IM all day with messages beginning “Got this from a post/comment on BJ:…”

  38. 38.

    eemom

    @Tattoosydney:

    Ya gotta point there. This time-zone thing is so effed up at New Year’s. Can’t we all just along, and agree that the Year officially starts on EST?

  41. 41.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: FYWP for denying my edit.

    One of the more interesting phenomena of being a gay man in the US is you practically have Steel Magnolias memorized by default.

  42. 42.

    The Dangerman

    @Alison:

    I’m in CA so it’s still suck-ass 2010 here…

    Not only suck-ass 2010, but way, WAY too cold (I know some in the snow zones will laugh at this statement, but I pay just sick amounts for my rent so I can be warm 7 x 24 x 365 – this cold thing violates some terms of the agreement and I’m thinking of suing).

  43. 43.

    IndyLib

    Happy New Year BJers. I got my very own Baby (grandbaby that is) New Year, so I figure how bad can the 2011 be?

  45. 45.

    Alison

    @The Dangerman: OMG yeah. I’m in SF and it’s been colder than typical (plus, you know, RAIN although not for the past day or so thankfully). I’m sick of it. I do not like being cold and I’m very sensitive to it (mostly for medical reasons).

    Once midnight passes, I’ll welcome the new year and then start looking around for signs of spring. SIGH.

  46. 46.

    Tattoosydney

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Hello. We had a quiet night in, because we forgot to book anywhere, so we watched Toy Story 3 and Despicable Me, watched the Sydney fireworks on tv and went to bed…. We saved the Perrier Jouet for this afternoon as it’s a stinky 87 degrees outside. Yum. Champagne.

  48. 48.

    Yutsano

    @Tattoosydney: Quiet nights in are just fine IMHO. My fire is roaring, I had pizza, I think I have an interim glasses fix, and the kitteh is being a lovebug.

  50. 50.

    Stephen1947

    Because you’re “gonna start the New Year with the same heightened levels of dignity we’ve always had,” this is the first blog I’ve visited in the new year – glad to see nothing has changed. Happy new year, etc. etc.

  51. 51.

    eemom

    @Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen:

    Then we say “But it’s pretty in the spring/autumn.”

    yeah, all ten minutes of ’em.

    Happy new year, fellow greater-deecee-area denizen.

    (so tell me, btw — am I the only one who felt kinda snubbed when the blizzard blew us off last week….?)

  53. 53.

    The Dangerman

    @Alison:

    …plus, you know, RAIN…

    Tell me about it; I live about a drive and a wedge from one of the most televised flood zones (Highland, CA).

    I don’t do cold; I spent 4 long winters in Seattle and when I was concerned about hypothermia for an outdoor concert on JULY 2nd (I have probably never been so miserably wet and cold; it was even too cold for the musical instruments), this 3rd generation Californian couldn’t wait to come home.

    Rain in the forecast for tomorrow; perhaps even a dusting of snow at my elevation. Cmon, 2011, you can do better that that…

  59. 59.

    Sly

    Not just the end of a year, but the official end of a (rather shitty) decade. I know its convention now to start decades at the beginning of the zero year, but first decade of the first century on the Gregorian calendar didn’t have a “year zero,” as 1 AD followed directly after 1 BC. I guess I’m old fashioned in that respect.

    So, here’s the the end of the aughts. Eight years of shit followed by two years of potential greatness were it not for the incessant need of the American backwash to hold on to the reigns of power despite their demographic relevance getting slowly flushed down the toilet where it belongs.

  60. 60.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: We theoretically get an hour to read up on any changes and technical matters once a week for an hour at my work. Longest it takes me is 15 minutes, and I grok it all. Then I’m pretty much bored.

  62. 62.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Yutsano:

    @suzanne: Evil can be very hard to destroy sometimes. I think what will finally do it is Cindy calling the divorce lawyers. That should be fun: he’d be single, NOT dumping her, and cut off from her beer heiress fortune.

    OMFG. This would be so awesome. If that should ever happen what do you think the coverage in People and Us Weekly will be like? Will they ignore the story because of the principals? Report it, but give John McCain the same kind of obsequiously submissive treatment that he gets ever other week on Press the Meat where David Gregory lovingly tongues his anal sphincter until it’s squeaky clean and then blows it dry or just fall on the scandal like a snarling mass of vicious, vitriolic jackals. I myself am hoping for the latter.

  63. 63.

    Anne Laurie

    @Yutsano: __

    I think I have an interim glasses fix

    If you missed my downthread (unasked) advice: silicon epoxy. If you can’t find that, the local drugstore chain should carry “Mack’s Ear Plugs”, which are silicon lumps you can pull a bit from to gum the bridge together temporarily.

  64. 64.

    hamletta

    There were fireworks at midnight on the riverfront. I could see them from my house! And the crackers on Tobacco Road across the alley had some pretties.

    Miss Sophia was not happy, though. She didn’t get enough warning to hide in the closet like she does during thunderboomers.

  65. 65.

    Yutsano

    @Anne Laurie:Believe it or not I semi-adapted your idea until I can actually get to the drug store: I took a small piece of paper, glued it to one part, glued another piece to the other part, then fused the pieces of paper together. Not ideal but for now it’s holding. Your inspiration was indeed absorbed!

    @Wile E. Quixote: People only cares about selling magazines, not Villager access. They’ll rip Grandpa Walnuts a new one, mostly because Cindy will definitely come off as the more sympathetic figure in all that. Delicious and nutritious!

  66. 66.

    The Dangerman

    @Anne Laurie:

    If you missed my downthread (unasked) advice: silicon epoxy.

    Old aerospace trick; use isocyanate and wet the surfaces when bonding. You best have the surfaces where you want it, as it’s a quick reaction.

  67. 67.

    freelancer

    @Linkmeister:

    Hau’oli Makahiki Hou! 4 hours to go out here, but that’s alright

    I feel like an ass, because I have dear friends who just relocated to Honolulu 3 weeks ago for grad school, and right now, they’re feeling kind of lonesome. I don’t know if I can stay up til 4am my time to give them a ring. I’m trying to wait til the last minute.

  68. 68.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @M. Bouffant:

    We should admit the new yr. starts whenever the winter solstice happens, wherever one is. Silly humanoids w/ your imaginary calendars!

    I like the way you think. We could start the new year on the solstice and make that January 1st and then have twelve 30 day months and end the year with a 5 day intercalary period (six days of course on leap years). Of course this would mean that Christmas would fall on January 5th (if I’m doing the math right) which the wingers would probably take a sign of the war on Christmas, but hey, bonus.

  69. 69.

    Genine

    Happy New Year, East Coast and Midwest Juicers! I have less than a half hour to go Mountain Time. :-)

    Sorry I missed the midnight hour EST.

  70. 70.

    M-Pop

    @suzanne: we have a burn ban in our county and a wildfire that’s contained but not controlled. And the fireworks are blasting all over my neighborhood. So I feel you.

  72. 72.

    freelancer

    @suzanne:

    AND it’s supposed to snow, so I have no idea WTF I live here.

    Because it snows there maybe 2 days out of 365. It’s a huge reason why I’m leaving the midwest for your area.

  73. 73.

    Anne Laurie

    Happy Calendar New Year to all Balloon Juicers!

    I like the parochialism of Boston’s First Night celebration — an afternoon of “family friendly” craft & performance stuff, a 6pm parade down the main drag, and a 7pm round of fireworks at the Common before the wee kiddies get taken home. Then it’s multiple short performances at sites all over downtown until the big fireworks display over the Charles River at midnight. One local news channel gets ‘exclusive rights’ to broadcast random shots of an estimated million random people wandering around, gaping, dancing to the DJs, and generally being happy & optimistic (as opposed to shit-faced and obnoxious) up till countdown. Even on television, it seemed like a lot more fun than the Times Square cattle pens and whatever horrible pop construction was failing & lip-autotuning. Course it helps that it was around 40 degrees tonight, the worst of the snow from last weekend has melted/been moved, and there was no cloud cover to speak of.

    For the SF fans among us, a link to the artist who designed this year’s First Night Buttons, “the one with the Astronaut“:

    A lot of people say, “Why astronauts?’’ All through my childhood I grew up watching these cartoons and movies where the future was always this really exciting place where we lived on the moon, and we had robot best friends, and jetpacks, and flying cars, and DeLoreans that traveled back in time, and all of this awesome stuff that I thought I was going to grow up into — because the future was always right around the year 2000. It happened to be right around the year 2000, and all this turn-of-the-millennium stuff, and I was thinking about all these things and how my real adulthood wasn’t turning out quite as exciting as I had hoped. It struck me that I wanted to make these sort of narrative paintings about this disconnect I felt in my everyday world vs. what I wanted the future to be. I wanted a character who would appear in each one, that you could use as a grounding point, a sort of explorer character, or an anthropologist. Around this time I watched the Kubrick film “2001 [A Space Odyssey],’’ and I realized I could take the astronaut from the fictional 2001 and have him be my character in the real 2001. He would serve as a blank canvas — pun intended, I guess. You can put yourself in his shoes and it’s easy to picture yourself out there exploring these weird worlds yourself. I’ve developed this character and I’ve just kept painting him, over and over again.

  74. 74.

    Yutsano

    @freelancer: You are reminding me that I need to give a good friend of mine a gentle ribbing for getting snow down there. She and I had a few adventures regarding snow in her car.

    @ABL: Well he’s from Tronno anyway, so it’s not like he counts as a West Coaster.

  76. 76.

    Steeplejack

    Got distracted for a bit. Had Peter Gunn on in the background, and even over here from the computer I could tell that the episode (“The Chinese Hangman,” according to IMDB) was a total ripoff of the greatest film noir ever, Out of the Past. WTF?! Had to go watch it in all its derivative glory. Shudder.

    Palate cleanser: Edie (Lola Albright) does “How High the Moon” from a different episode.

    Think I’m out. Got to get up in the morning to go to work for the Man.

  78. 78.

    Nutella

    @eemom:

    When the blizzard parted and spared DC it proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was showing his approval of the DADT repeal.

  79. 79.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Steeplejack: Night, Steep. Don’t let the Man (or the insane public) get you down!

    @ABL: Yes, Ma’am. I really don’t like it, though–which is why I stick to late-night promo-ing. And, I swear and shit in the post. I don’t want to offend all the delicate flowers. Oh, your Bieber crack made me wheeze in appreciation.

  81. 81.

    eemom

    @Nutella:

    interesting theory. I thought perhaps the blizzard might be running for re-election in ’12 and wanted to beef up its “Washington Outsider” cred.

  82. 82.

    Yutsano

    @freelancer: HA! I wish it was that epic! No, where we went to school it’s very hilly, so even if she saw a flake she’d get paranoid about driving in it. So we’d either take my car (which she hated) or let me drive hers.

    One time we were driving to Spokane and she skidded out and off the highway. She was totally freaked out. First thing I told her after we stopped is we didn’t roll over. Funniest part is we had her roommate in the backseat who slept through the whole thing.

  83. 83.

    suzanne

    @Wile E. Quixote: Dude, I feels ya. I spend May through September in a piss-poor mood. Seasonal affective disorder caused by too much fucking sunlight and excessive temperatures. (Of course, our excessive temperatures are well north of 110 degrees.)

    @asiangrrlMN: Oh, don’t you worry. I am so friggin’ pissed that Bristol is moving here. She’s gonna live only a few minutes away from me, too. Maricopa is such a shitty little exurb. Perfect for her shitty little brain. I hope the summer just kicks her ass.

    Mia is good. :) A week and a half old, and she’s already diligently attempting to hold up her melon. Yesterday I was holding her when she explosively evacuated her bowels, so I put her to my shoulder to I could carry her one-handed to the changing table. I lay her down on the table to see that her umbilical cord stump was gone. I started looking for it… then saw it stuck to my shirt, along with some blood. Ewwwwww. Babies are gross.

  85. 85.

    suzanne

    @Yutsano:

    I think what will finally do it is Cindy calling the divorce lawyers. That should be fun: he’d be single, NOT dumping her, and cut off from her beer heiress fortune.

    I’m ashamed to say how happy that would make me.

  86. 86.

    suzanne

    @asiangrrlMN: That fucking dipshit Bristol just bought her house CASH. Apparently there’s good money in being an uneducated fuckup who can’t dance.

    Why in God’s name did I bust my ass for my Master’s?

  87. 87.

    Tattoosydney

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Good post. Very good. My best wishes for a 2011 which doesn’t suck.

    Neck is ok – getting better, although now my legs hurt from playing x box Kinect…

  89. 89.

    Wile E. Quixote

    So I got an e-mail from Barbara Boxer the other day thanking me for donating to her campaign. I used to hate Barbara Boxer, and I still find her gun control stance really annoying. But she’s not a Republican and she’s not Carly Fiorina and I sent her money this year because outside of her gun control stance most of the time when she’s pissing me off she’s doing so because she’s not being liberal enough. I’ve gone from being a young Republican/Libertarian to being a 45 year old Democrat. It’s not one of those things where “I didn’t leave the Republican party, they left me”. No, I left the Republican party when I realized that they were certifiably insane and completely full of shit, which was after listening to Pat Buchanan’s speech at the 1992 convention which came a few weeks after two of my closest friends had come out to me and after a summer where the hot topic in the Washington Army National Guard was Colonel Margarethe Cammermeyer. Before the summer of 1992 I was voting Libertarian because I was disgusted with the Republicans and was telling myself that both parties were the same. But after the 1992 convention it was blindingly obvious to me that both parties weren’t the same and it wasn’t enough any more to cast protest votes against the Republicans by voting Libertarian. No, I had to vote Democratic because I wanted the Republicans to lose and I wanted to be part of the process of helping those fuckers lose.

    There’s not any risk I’m going to backslide is there? I mean that would be horrifying. Imagine waking up one morning and thinking something like “You know. A Romney/Palin ticket in 2012 would be an extremely compelling political value proposition with a surprising amount of upside” and realizing that you were losing your mind and becoming stupid again like Charlie in Flowers for Algernon.

  90. 90.

    Yutsano

    @freelancer: She had a Suzuki Grand Vitara (sweet little rig, ran like a champ, I got to use it for the summer when she went home) so rollover risk was a possibility. But every time she had ever seen snow she had never driven in it. I imagine her mom gave her a harder time over it, she’s from Buffalo originally. I of course knew what the hell I was doing, so she’d just pass me the keys and say don’t kill me.

    @suzanne: I would be happy dancing. And investing in Arizona mortuaries.

  91. 91.

    asiangrrlMN

    @suzanne: I know. The injustice, it burns. I really, really, really hope you get to trip her or something. Wait, was that divisive?

    @Tattoosydney: Thanks, hon. I’m glad your neck is feeling better. Take it easy, you hear? I don’t know why, but I thought the last sentence read, “I hurt my back humping my leg.” Yeah. My eyes are tired.

    @Wile E. Quixote: Um, no. I have no worries that you will ever think a Palin/Bachmann ticket is a neato-pateato thing.

    ETA: I really don’t like Rachel Ray. I know that’s like not liking puppies or something, but she annoys the hell out of me.

  94. 94.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @suzanne:

    @asiangrrlMN: That fucking dipshit Bristol just bought her house CASH. Apparently there’s good money in being an uneducated fuckup who can’t dance.
    __
    Why in God’s name did I bust my ass for my Master’s?

    Well I’d say that it’s because you’re an infinitely better person than Sarah or Bristol Palin, but that’s just me.

    EDIT: Oh, and Mia is way cuter than any of Sarah Palin’s children and she has a very pretty name “Mia Rosalia”, which is way better than naming your kids “Trig”, “Track”, “Bristol”, “Willow” or “Piper”.

  97. 97.

    MattR

    Happy New Year’s fellow Juicers.

    I am breaking with tradition this year and watching the Mr Show with Bob and David marathon on IFC instead of the usual Twilight Zone on SyFy

  98. 98.

    J. Michael Neal

    Time for bed, and hoping 2011 doesn’t suck quite as much as 2010. Or 2009.

    I didn’t get the call center job. When they sent out the request for an authorization for a background check that I didn’t have enough information with me to complete while I was out of town, it said that I had 12 days to complete it. I finished it the very first thing when I got home Tuesday morning, five days after receiving it. I called them on Wednesday. The guy told me that, because I took so long to return it, they had filled all the positions.

    Fuckers.

  100. 100.

    hamletta

    @asiangrrlMN: Don’t feel bad. Lots of people don’t like Rachael Ray.

    I’m not one of them, but I can see how she could be very grating. She is a bit twee.

  101. 101.

    hamletta

    @J. Michael Neal: I’m very sorry you didn’t get the job.

    If it’s any consolation, I work in a call center, and I see my co-workers who have to deal with The Great Unwashed struggle every day to keep their souls while struggling with a seething hatred for all of humanity.

  102. 102.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: I will write the script! Oh, yes, I will! If Cody Diablo can do it, so can I!

    @hamletta: I actually don’t mind her behind the scenes when she’s not ON. Kinda like Guy whats-his-name. I’m not a high-energy kinda gal.

    @MattR: Yes, because I really need to get addicted to another channel. I just found the freaking Cooking Channel. My friends and family will never see me again.

  103. 103.

    MattR

    @asiangrrlMN: Well, it’s not like I don’t already own the entire series on DVD. It really is brilliant sketch comedy. You should check it out during a commercial (893). Shake it up. Be unpredictable. Get addicted to even more channels.

  104. 104.

    J. Michael Neal

    @hamletta: This would at least have been an internal call center, so I’d only have to deal with the finely scrubbed Wells Fargo employees. And I know the subject.

  105. 105.

    Wile E. Quixote

    I mean seriously, every time I hear the names of one of the Palin children I’m reminded of the old joke about the Indian named “Two Dogs Fucking” and I apologize to any Native Americans who are offended by that but it is a pretty funny joke and Jesus Christ, what the fuck was Sarah Palin thinking when she named her son “Track”. She likes to run and he was born during “Track” season? If she liked to golf and he was born during golf season (Is there such a thing?) would she have named him “Golf Titleist Callaway Graphite Shaft Palin?”

  106. 106.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @asiangrrlMN:

    @Wile E. Quixote: Um, no. I have no worries that you will ever think a Palin/Bachmann ticket is a neato-pateato thing.

    No, but would watch a lesbian porn film that starred the two of them, but only if it was absolutely filthy and included a scene where they put on huge black strap-on dildos and played a game of fingercuffs with Scott Brown. I’m hoping that in 2013 they’ll all be looking for work and open to that kind of opportunity.

  107. 107.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Cooking Channel = Food Network returning to its roots, basically. Owned by the same media company. Wake me when Mario Batali has a show again. He was not only fun to watch but man did I learn a shit ton about Italian cuisine from him.

  108. 108.

    Belvoir

    Happy New Year, to John Cole and almost all of your writers. *

    Thank you for all the links, editorials and the freaking lively commentary community here. You guys are vivid and nutty and wise, and you all vex me because I have to open five tabs to read all of every topic, one to three-hundred at a time each. It’s all worth it.

    *Except for unpopular fugitive ombudsman E.D Kain, and that Angry Black Lady Ripping Off Another Blogger’s Schtick Quite Hard But More Acceptably.

    Seriously, I’ve never seen this addressed here. There’s a blogger , Shark Fu, that’s been blogging impressively and honestly as “Angry Black Bitch”, with a distinctive, aggressive but heartfelt style, for ages.

    And then here there’s suddenly “Angry Black Lady” who goes all Jezebel at the drop of a church hat. Why was it never made clear that they were different bloggers, one (cough!) really not being very original, there? “Angry Black Bitch” has been blogging since 2005.

    http://angryblackbitch.blogspot.com/

    I don’t even know if she’s aware someone’s copping her style. But despite the nicer name, far from the same spirit. Is that a cool thing now, take someone’s Internet schtick, tame it, get a gig at BJ and be all argumentative in comments because you can’t write a fucking persuasive essay? And it’ always a long-ass essay with our “Lady” here. Why no respect for pioneering blogger Shark-Fu here? Why no acknowledgement that “Angry Black Bitch” existed before “Angry Black Lady”?

    Oh how nice- change the name, pursue the gimmick. Is it okay if Shark-Fu comments here to give her opinion? I’m about to invite her.

  109. 109.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: I know! And, I get to see the original Iron Chef. Love it, but I hate the dubs.

    I’m watching the finals of the sixth season of Next Food Network Star (missed most of it before). Gee, Yutsy, I wonder who wins?

    @Belvoir: Their styles aren’t the same at all. So, your beef is with the angry and black?

  111. 111.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @suzanne:

    I’m ashamed to say how happy that would make me.

    Do you know what would make it better? If the reason that Cindy finally called the divorce lawyers was that Walnuts was cheating on her with Bristol Palin and the reason why Bristol Palin moved to Arizona was so that she could be closer to John McCain. Then we could find out that Bristol was pregnant again with McCain’s baby. It would be like Harold and Maude but with an old man and a young woman instead of an old woman and a young man, but more disgusting because the sex would be real sex between John McCain and Bristol Palin and not implied sex between Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon. Even better would be Levi Johnston then stepping in and releasing a grainy sex tape of McCain and Palin which he somehow procured.

  113. 113.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: :: whistles innocently ::

    Oh look! A duck!

    @Belvoir: Lighten up Francis. There is also the possibility ABL was unaware of Shark-Fu’s existence when choosing her name FOR HER OWN DAMN BLOG. Jeez if you’re gonna attack someone at least have all your facts in a row.

  116. 116.

    Yutsano

    @Wile E. Quixote: I bow to your superior snark-fu good sir. I owe you like a steak at the Ram or something for that.

    PS 15 minutes until 2010 is done. And mine was decent so I shan’t talk much about that.

  118. 118.

    The Dangerman

    I read someplace that next season’s Dancing With The Stars was going to include Todd Palin; poor fucker, Sarah probably has got that boy whipped.

  119. 119.

    Anne Laurie

    @Wile E. Quixote: __

    I mean seriously, every time I hear the names of one of the Palin children I’m reminded of the old joke about the Indian named “Two Dogs Fucking” and I apologize to any Native Americans who are offended by that but it is a pretty funny joke and Jesus Christ, what the fuck was Sarah Palin thinking when she named her son “Track”. She likes to run and he was born during “Track” season?

    You know, of course, that many DFHs and Andrew Sullivan have insinuated that the older kids are named after the places they were conceived. I would find this merely snarky if I hadn’t once known a young man named Mercury, because that’s the car his parents owned.

    And that’s nowhere near as bad as the rumor about where Palin found Trig’s name…

  120. 120.

    The Dangerman

    @Anne Laurie:

    I would find this merely snarky if I hadn’t once known a young man named Mercury, because that’s the car his parents owned.

    Far better than Pinto, which is slang for a guy with a small, um, vehicle.

  121. 121.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Suffern ACE:

    Two Questions:

    1) Did anyone else go to a college like mine (The University of Washington) where it seemed that it was mandatory for the RAs in every dorm to show Harold and Maude at least once a year on movie nights?

    2) Does anyone else think that a remake of Harold and Maude with Michael Cera reprising Bud Cort’s role and Betty White reprising Ruth Gordon’s role but with actual hard core sex scenes, oh and with Insane Clown Posse doing the soundtrack is an interesting idea?

  124. 124.

    Yutsano

    @Wile E. Quixote:

    Did anyone else go to a college like mine (The University of Washington) where it seemed that it was mandatory for the RAs in every dorm to show Harold and Maude at least once a year on movie nights?

    No. But it does explain a few things about you Huskies :)

  125. 125.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Yutsano:

    Hey, say what you will about the Dawgs, but they did beat Nebraska, where the “N” stands for knowledge, in the Holiday Bowl and according to all of the local newspapers and TV stations this is the most important thing that has ever happened in the history of Seattle. The only thing that could make the collective life-threatening levels of sphincter control lossage even worse at the local media outlets would be if this had happened during a snowstorm in Seattle.

  126. 126.

    Yutsano

    And I hear the Space Needle erupting in flames. Happy New Year y’all!

    @Wile E. Quixote: Earthquake. You fergot if there had been an earthquake and a snowstorm at the same time. Also.

    @asiangrrlMN: Yeah yeah yeah exiled to the virtual couch and all that. Now watch her show dammit!

    PS The winner the season before lives on the other side of Lake Washington from me.

  129. 129.

    Suffern ACE

    @Wile E. Quixote: 1) Harold and Maude was screened at least three years at the friday night cinema, so our RA’s didn’t have to show it. Also, my dad is cool so I went to college already having advanced knowledge of the dark comedic arts.
    2) Michael Cera is now too old to play the role. Betty White may be too young.

    edit: the Ron Weasley kid could play Harold.

  131. 131.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @Suffern ACE:

    2) Michael Cera is now too old to play the role. Betty White may be too young.

    OK, what about Abe Vigoda instead of Betty White? It would be like Harold and Maude and The Crying Game together! How many recursive levels of totally epic awesome is that?

  132. 132.

    NobodySpecial

    @Wile E. Quixote: Dunno if you’re still up, but happy New Year and this Ex=Republican hasn’t seen any signs of backsliding from any of the converts he’s ever met, so I think you’re safe.

  134. 134.

    Wile E. Quixote

    @NobodySpecial:

    @Wile E. Quixote: Dunno if you’re still up, but happy New Year and this Ex=Republican hasn’t seen any signs of backsliding from any of the converts he’s ever met, so I think you’re safe.

    That’s a relief. I mean can you imagine the horror of waking up one morning from an erotic dream involving a three way between John Boehner, Eric Cantor and Jim Demint? Yeah, neither can I.

  135. 135.

    LT

    Happy New Year, John Cole, and all of the BJers.

    I don’t wanna gloat yes I do: It’s about 79° right now, at sunset on New Years Day, having a Maxx Blonde on the veranda. (Not a premium, as far as I understand, down here, but good christ, Australia is expensive.)

    Cheers, and Happy New Year to all of you.

  136. 136.

    Darkrose

    Happy New Year, y’all. 2010, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

    On second thought, please do. A real kidney stone of a decade.

  139. 139.

    Angry Black Lady

    @Belvoir: Your stupid runneth over. The reason for the name of my blog can be found on my blog.

    Although, you might be on to something…There’s an Angry Black Woman who also blogs. Let’s call her in.  Maybe we three — the Lady, the Bitch, and the Woman can all duke it out.  Winner takes all!  Losers have to immediately cede their blogs and all of their written work to Angry Black [???| and immediately vanish into cyberspace.

    You’re boring and a coward. Dumping this turd in an open thread rather than on my blog or one of my posts? I quote teh Bieber when I say, “lame-o-rama.” Now kindly fuck off.

    Best,
    ABL/STM

    P.S. Happy New Year!

  143. 143.

    Tim

    Happy New Year, John.

    Thanks for a delightfully funny and tasteless post to kick off 2011. Such things give me pleasure.

    Also too: Will you be mentioning your penis today?

  144. 144.

    Mr. Furious

    @Anne Laurie:

    the older kids are named after the places they were conceived. […] And that’s nowhere near as bad as the rumor about where Palin found Trig’s name…

    Not sure where you’re going with that, but I can assure you there’s no f’n way that last conception was during trigonometry class—no matter who was the mother…

  146. 146.

    LT

    @Michael D.: 0-1 is 1 year gone, 1-2 is 2, 2-3 is 3, 3-4 is 4, etc. When you get to 9-10 you get ten, ten years gone, which means that any year ending in 0 is the end of a decade. Why is that so hard for some people?

  147. 147.

    Angry Black Lady

    @daize: happy new year to you as well! sharkfu and i are now friends on twitter. a new year’s day gift rising like a phoenix from the ashes of belvoir’s stupid.

    happy new year to all and to all a good night. (or something.)

  148. 148.

    firestarter

    @Mr. Furious:

    The rumor is that Trig came from the term “trig baby”, which is a term for a baby with Down’s Syndrome. It comes from the term “trisomy g” or “tri-g”, which was supposedly shortened to “trig” by hospital-type folks.

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