Speaking for everyone who ever mountain biked out west, cholla cactus can all die. If you know what I”m talking about then you know what I’m talking about.
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.
Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.
I was promised a recession.
This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.
We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.
Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.
Bark louder, little dog.
“woke” is the new caravan.
The revolution will be supervised.
Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?
Black Jesus loves a paper trail.
It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.
Only Democrats have agency, apparently.
Let’s finish the job.
But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.
When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?
Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.
It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.
… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP
Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?
American History and Black History Cannot Be Separated
When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.
Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.
I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.
raven
They are more dangerous when they are dead, or at least when they dry up. That’s when they really jump. Especially hard on dogs.
raven
Friend of mine used to have a, um, “import business”. He’d load the front of the truck box with one species and stack wrapped cacti all the way to the door. No one ever unloaded it to search.
raven
Cholla video.
? Martin
Heh. I know what you mean. How bad did you get it?
And on the upside, it wasn’t a mohave mound or barrel. I ran a barrel cactus clear through my thumb once. Don’t think you can do that with cholla.
Yutsano
Thread needs moar Maxpuppeh. Just sayin’.
r€nato
That’s why I don’t mountain bike, I road bike. Even though I have some pretty awesome mountain biking trails almost outside my front door.
ranchandsyrup
Oh man. Those things will ruin your month.
kindness
See and what sends me over the edge mountain biking is Goat Heads (puncturevine). No matter how much goo you have in your tires and even if you do have Tuffy’s wrapping your tires you will still get flats.
They didn’t have that stuff where I grew up (northeast) but they are everywhere out here in CA. Shit hurts like hell to step on too.
Eric U.
some friends were standing in line waiting to get into a restaurant. One of them reached out for the jumping cactus, and another warned him not to touch it. Of course, he did anyway. After getting pretty well stuck to the plant, they ended up cutting him loose with a swiss army knife. I admit that there would be some temptation to see how bad it could be, but I think I could control myself
The Moar You Know
I live in San Diego, and discovered that worse than cholla are “bullhead” thorns, which I suspect but cannot prove are infant tumbleweed. Shaped just like a caltrops. Goes right through tires AND kevlar tire liners.
The only way to stay inflated for a full ride:
Thick tread tire
two Kevlar liners
extra-thick tube
hole sealer
Be prepared to spend a good half hour or more when you get home to yank the fuckers out with needlenose pliers or you’re going to get a flat sooner or later anyway.
kindness: yeah, that’s the other name, goathead. Was trying to remember. Those fuckers suck. I’ve had them go through my shoes and everything.
Raven
@The Moar You Know: Sounds like punji sticks.
Southern Beale
Ah, yes. Cholla cactus, aka, “Teddy Bear Cactus,” though they’re far crueler than that name implies.
I’m not a biker, I’m a hiker. They plague us, too.
kindness
@The Moar You Know: Me thinks we are on the same page.
Off topic. You know I almost hate admitting it but you know where I’ve gone for internet humor lately? LittleGreenFootballs. yea, I know, Charles made the switch some time back but I still remember when that place was like crazier than Michelle Malkin. It is funny to see them making fun of their prior allies.
Raven
@kindness: How can it be off topic in an open thread????
Jewish Steel
I once fell spread eagle on a barrel cactus. Being chased by the neighborhood bully on my own bmx no less. This is c 1975 and I’ve still got the scars along my ribcage.
zoej
Never shake hands with a cholla. A friend learned that after a very rowdy party on an archaeological excavation in the desert.
Cris (without an H)
Save the chollas, kill the goatheads.
zoej
Never shake hands with a cholla. A friend learned that after a very rowdy party on an archaeological excavation in the desert.
Ohmmade
My girlfriend had an unfortunate encounter with one once. By removing it from her hand, we managed to pass it to three other people.
If blood wasn’t involved, it would’ve been hilarious ala three stooges or keystone cops.
dance around in your bones
You gotta be careful of the cholla ( also called ‘jumping cactus’ – because of its tendency to just attach itself to you for no apparent reason as you just walk by).
My dogs used to come home with cholla attached to their muzzles after wandering about the great Southwest (yes, they were outside dogs; we lived on a 300 acre farm in an undisclosed location in SoCal for many years).
Those spines were a bitch to pull out. But better than the rattlesnake bites that we dealt with several times (on the dogs).
Raven
@Jewish Steel: My old man used to rescue barrel’s before the developers would doze them in North Phoenix. I illegally transported a few back east and they live for quite a while. Love the goldens and fishooks. Chainfruit chollas are cool too.
? Martin
@Southern Beale: There’s different kinds of cholla, and ‘teddy bear cholla’ is one such kind. There’s pencil cholla and others. The jumping cholla is arguably the worst because of how easily it breaks away and sticks to you.
danimal
Please allow me to vent, since this is an Open Thread. THE POLITICAL PRESS IS FILLED WITH IDIOTS. Ok, that’s a little generic, though few will dare contradict me. I just read a Yahoo story picked up from the Christian Science Monitor on whether Jeb! is the GOP’s Hilary. Since I thought the premise was ridiculous, I read it. The article did mention reasons why Jeb! is no Hilary, then proceded to stain the sheets with the Jeb! v Hilary speculation. But one assumption in this story, and it’s in a lot of horserace stories, is as preposterous as it is stupid.
Hilary is not going to run unopposed in the Dem 2016 primary. Repeat, Hilary will have substantial opposition in the Dem primary in 2016. The flat-out stupidity of the political press missing the not-at-all subtle manueverings of a Democratic presidential candidate with a national profile, deep fund-raising roots, considerable public support and THE FRICKIN VICE-PRESIDENCY in a popular administration is stunning to me. Why not mention Joe Biden as a potential candidate? I see this all over the place and it makes me want to pull my hair out (and I’m bald, btw). From the article:
Um, Biden’s in the same league. I don’t know who I’d support at this time, and I think Hilary would be the favorite, but the lazy assumptions of the press are really driving me nuts lately. Thanks for letting me vent.
jon
A rattail comb is essential hiking gear anywhere you have cactus. Flicking the damn things off is the best way, though you’ll still be using tweezers for at least a day or three.
I don’t understand the mountain biking thing, though I’d rather have a thousand of those than two or three quads with overweight drunkards on board. There’s no belligerence like drunken belligerence, even compared to the arrogance of some bicyclists.
Josie
In south Texas ranch country, the most hated is the horse crippler cactus. Not much doubt as to how it got the name – low to the ground and utterly vicious.
Raven
And then there are the jackasses that would shoot a saguaro.
dance around in your bones
@raven: That may be one of the funniest videos I have ever seen regarding the pinche cholla (not that I recall ever seeing another one).
You pull it off here, it sticks over there. You pull it off there, it sticks over here.
Cactus is deadly plant, man.
jon
@danimal: The most obvious reason Hilary resigned was that she’d be second runner up behind Biden for the next four years. Her health was the other obvious reason. And thirdly, I heard she said she was going to do that no matter what.
I honestly don’t think she’s going to run, no matter how many will want her to. She might be on the ticket, but I don’t think she’ll be on the top.
raven
@dance around in your bones: Yea, pretty good. We all went out there in the early 70’s not knowing shit from shinola and high as the cost of living. I had friends that live in a cave up in Sabino Canyon for almost a year.
shortstop
@danimal: Two Ls.
KC
Oh does that bring back memories……
That cactus was responsible for more pain than all others I (or parts of my body) came in contact with.
However, once they are all dead cholla make great fire starters.
General Stuck
Teddy Bear is the worst in my experience, simply because there are so many needles it looks like a fuzzy teddy bear. Just more damage if you don’t watch yourself. The worst place in the world for plants with thorns was on the San Carlos Rez in AZ. Everything alive had every kind of sharp thing to puncture, slice and gouge you with that can be imagined. Spent a month timber cruising with very little timber, but lots of pain and heartache. Roughest country I ever been in. No wonder Geronimo wouldn’t surrender easy.
MikeJ
@jon:
was that Secretaries of State never serve eight years?
Trollhattan
Will see your cholla and raise you puncture vine–perfect killer of bike inner tubes.
http://www.ipm.ucdavis.edu/PMG/PESTNOTES/pn74128.html
On the plus side, it’s the reason I know the word caltrop. Not as murderous on your legs as cholla, however.
[I see Chris H beat me to it. Deserves a double hollah, anyway.]
danimal
@shortstop: Uh-oh. Should have spell-checked. I’ve got a friend with one L and my brain defaulted to that speling…
raven
@General Stuck: I thought that too when we were in Cochise Stronghold. No way buncha honkies were going to get him there.
dance around in your bones
@Raven:
You know, I lived in Tucson for a while, and we saw so many awesome saguaros. I even searched on my walks for a ‘desert boot‘ before finding one in my own (rented) front yard.
The varied and weird forms a saguaro takes is fascinating, including the genetic variety of the christate cactus,
I cannot imagine anyone shooting a plant that grows for 150 years (but I did take pleasure in hearing about the assholes usuing machine guns on ancient saguaros and having the (VERY heavy) cactus fall on them and kill them (instant karma’s gonna get you!)
Schlemizel
We were hiking one time & one of the morans in our crew decided to kick a Cholla. Luckily I didn’t have to deal with the aftermath.
When we lived in Florida a neighbor gave us some Crown Of Thorns plant & insisted we plant them around the windows to discourage burglars. Those things acted like razor wire, if you came in contact the sort of folded around you & was pretty nasty. Still Cholla is the only plant I know of that comes after you!
Jim, Foolish Literalist
What “league” was Barack Obama in around March of 2005? IIRC he was still a long shot for the Dem nomination for the Illinois Senate seat.
Eh? As I recall, she said pretty much from her first year that she would only serve in BO’s first term
Trollhattan
@dance around in your bones:
Reprehensible, alright. But “some stuff just deserves shootin’.” After a case o’ Bud Lite, natch.
This is another brand of reprehensible, only with the added magical profit motive.
http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2020427922_timbertheftxml.html
elmo
I am convinced that cholla doesn’t just jump out and stick to you — it actually lies in wait, and arranges itself deliberately for maximum damage. They should call it the ambush cactus.
gaderson
@The Moar You Know:
Even better stepping on them barefoot! Did that once after a pick-up volleyball game — feet of fire!!
Which reminds me, need to pick up my mountain bike from my parents;)
jon
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
Sometimes it’s hard to wait one sentence to play Gotcha!
NotMax
@danimal
Several thoughts on that.
1) Biden turns 74 in 2016.
2) The track record of sitting vice-presidents running for president is dismal. George H.W. Bush was the very rare modern exception to unequivocally succeed, the first sitting Veep to do so (although others had tried) since Martin Van Buren.
3) It is, generally speaking, S.O.P. for major media and party powers that be to avoid anointing a sitting v.p. until after the mid-term elections of a president’s term, which is when the president’s lame duck status shifts into high gear. Pushing Biden’s name in speculation prior to that brings the topic to the fore and in effect shackles the v.p. office into using up time and political capital dealing with and responding to that. However one may view Biden, I think almost all would agree that being coy is not in his repertoire.
dance around in your bones
@gaderson:
Oh gads, had a friend in Mexico who did that once (uh, he was already drunk when he arrived) – I mean the stepping in the cactus barefoot – and after he came to our front porch and proceeded to drink yet another six-pack while regaling us with tales of something or other I don’t remember.
Next day we saw all the bloodstains under the porch table, and sorta figured it out.
Gads, he was a funny and very likable guy who ended up hanging himself a couple years later.
These are people who died, died!
ranchandsyrup
Looks like someone got too fancy at this newspaper and turned grapefruit into rapefruit. http://deadspin.com/5988729/this-is-what-happens-when-newspaper-design-tries-to-get-creative
22over7
Most of the old-timers I know out here in the great southwest say that the only thing to do with a cactus is to pour gasoline on it and burn it.
And most of the weeds we have out here are so noxious, thorny, and poisonous that they just can’t be iradicated. I think they drink herbicide like beer. My MIL was complaining about the dandelions in her yard. I just laughed. Try pulling out grass burrs or goatheads that go through your leather gloves.
On the other hand, it’s 60 and sunny here today. So there’s that.
JCT
We have tons of cholla on our property — trust me, walking our beagles in less than perfect light is true misery because they are more than happy to follow their noses right into the cholla. My husband now carries pliers in his pocket on walks…
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones:
I didn’t see that one coming.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus:
Well, neither did I. Life is like that sometimes.
raven
@Omnes Omnibus: I read your note about your ancestors in Sherman’s army. I went up to Cheatham’s Hill at Kennesaw Mountain Battlefield a couple of weeks back. There is a big Illinois monument there where the Union forces marched straight up the hill into the “dead angle”. While I am from Illinois I have found that I had ancestor that was with the 11th Tennessee, the unit that held the left side of the angle. He was killed shortly after in the battle of Atlanta.
eta The 1st, 3rd, 10th, 12th, 15th, 16th, 17th, 21st, 22nd, 24th, 25th, and 26th Wisconsin Infantry regiments, 1st Wisconsin Cavalry, and 5th and 10th Wisconsin Light Artillery batteries were all involved around Kennesaw Mountain in late June and early July. On June 27, the 1st Wisconsin Infantry fought for more than six uninterrupted hours.
dance around in your bones
@Cris (without an H):
OMG, growing up in New Mexico I REMEMBER THE GOATHEADS!
Most dreaded of the ‘shed your shoes in the summer and toughen your feet crowd’ – of which we were all one.
Those goathead motherfuckers were EVERYWHERE and could snag you without warning.
hungrycaterpillar
In unrelated news, Reuters is reporting that Hugo Chavez has died.
https://twitter.com/reuters/status/309059056755167232
Omnes Omnibus
@raven: Cool picture. My great great grandfather was injured near Savannah. He was able to stay with Sherman through the triumphal march in D.C. but drew a disability pension for the rest of his life.
@dance around in your bones:
Ain’t that the truth. Which leads to an update from last evenings talks. My grandmother passed away in her sleep last night. And, as I thought, my interview went well and I have the next round scheduled for next Monday. Life goes on, I guess.
raven
@Omnes Omnibus: Do you have any documents? I joined this fold3 website that has tons of civil war records. I’m trying to find my guys grave, I have his enlistment records but that is it.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus:
Oh man, I am sorry to hear that. I happen to think that passing away in your sleep is not such a bad way to go.
When my husband died, he died in our bed, at night, with the ocean sounds and waves in his ears, and me right beside him. He was quite obdurate about the not staying in the hospital thing.
When I die, I want it to be in the same peaceful way…or some sudden accident where I have no clue what is going on.
Omnes Omnibus
@raven: My guy was in the 32d Wisconsin. He spent 55 days in action during the siege of Atlanta according to his bio. As a matter of fact, he was pretty busy from Vicksburg until Savannah.
ETA: He is in here.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: I have a friend who jokes that she wants to die peacefully in her sleep like her grandfather….
…. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
raven
@Omnes Omnibus: I’ll be sure to keep it in mind as I read “The Day Dixie Died?. I had no idea that the Union Armies were named for rivers “The Army of THE Tennessee” and the Confederates after states and areas of states. “The Army of Tennessee.”
Omnes Omnibus
@raven: The old guy didn’t do anything to make himself famous. He just carried his pack and weapon, did what he was told, and kept his head down. You know, soldiering.
raven
@Omnes Omnibus: Yea, it is simply amazing to think of what they went through. I didn’t realize that Old Ben the Wisconsin Eagle was the model for the 101st eagle.
Omnes Omnibus
@raven: Yeah, Old Ben is stuffed and displayed in the WI Assembly chamber at the Capitol.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus:
Oh great – way to step on my ‘dying peacefully in your sleep comment!”
But in a pretty funny (black humor kind of way).
I’m still sorry about your gramma. Like my best friend and her own mom, sometimes it’s just time to let go. Also, my 102 yr old mother-in-law…..she lived a full and happyish life, so why linger on.
I’m sorry if my comments seem kind of disjointed and not well thought out – I’ve been on grandboy patrol all morning, and my attention span is like that of a fruit fly.
Also, my own mother is coming to visit me after about 20 yrs w/no contact (too long of a story to tell right now) so I’m kinda on the edge.
But all my sympathy to you.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: Don’t worry about the disjointedness. I appreciate the sympathy. I am sad, but it was her time and she was ready to go. I won’t argue with her. Good luck with your family travails.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus:
This is a GOOD thing. Good luck!
eta: oh – P.S. Where the fuck is the pic of Cole’s (supposed) tattoo?! After all the good advice (worth the price) he got?! I demand a pic.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: Do you really want to see a pic of Cole’s fat ass?
raven
@Omnes Omnibus: I am sorry I read past your news about your grandmother. So sorry.
Omnes Omnibus
@raven: Not a problem. We were talking about her ancestry, so it sort of counts.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus:
Well, if it has a tattoo on it, yeah!
Just for the pointing and mocking purposes, of course.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: Not I. I can do without seeing it, tattooed or not.
karl
Heard a couple of chollas talking the other day. One said,
“Mountain bikers can all die. If you know what I”m talking about then you know what I’m talking about.”
You’re on their turf, buddy — live with it.
LarryB
Aeons ago when I was a boy scout in San Diego, we never went to the desert without a pair of big electrician’s pliers to get the g**d***n cholla out of our knees, elbows and asses. S**t hurt!
SiubhanDuinne
I have a severe needle phobia so I’m not even going to try to read the comments on this thread. The few I saw, inadvertently, creeped me out. Sorry if anyone said anything interesting here, but I’m going to have to miss it.
Jewish Steel
@Raven: North Phoenix is where I lived!
It was a fish hook barrel. I can remember my parents soaking me in the tub to try to soften up the needles. Or my flesh? A uninspired bit of home doctoring from mum and dad.
I was also mecilessly teased by my peers b/c apparntly I was crying out, “It kills! It kills!” Over and over. I was indignant at being laughrd at like that at first, but came to see the humor in my in extremis act.
Tonal Crow
If Republicans continue to get their way on climate change, cholla cactus will become much more common, while tens of millions of people die of starvation.
raven
@Jewish Steel: My family moved out there in 78 up near Bell Road by Lookout Mountain. There was nothing north of Bell in those days. My sibs went to Shadow Mountain.
Wag
Late to the game, but Yeah, I know what you’re talking about.
r€nato
@raven: LOL I can walk to Shadow Mountain HS from here.
raven
@r€nato: My old man tutored at PVCC for years. They did a nice thing for him when he died with lots of students that he had helped.
Scamp Dog
@Cris (without an H): I’ve extracted a lot of those from my dog’s paws, and from the soles of my shoes, too. Hate ’em.
Morganti
You wanna see what can happen when you combine biking with said cactus…This is what can happen.
Mega-Ouch.