Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

Infrastructure week. at last.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

T R E 4 5 O N

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

You are here: Home / Texting With Mom

Texting With Mom

by | 86 Comments

This post is in: 

The mother and son bond is unbreakable:

motherandson

“OJ” has nothing to do with OJ Simpson. One day we were doing something in public and my brother and I were tag-teaming her, either making her laugh inappropriately or intentionally trying to aggravate her, so she couldn’t give us the middle finger, so she just said “OJ.” We both asked “what the hell does OJ mean?” and she replied “obscene gesture,” aka she was flipping us the bird. That led to another round of hysterics when we pointed out that gesture doesn’t start with a “J,” which of course she knows, she’s got a doctorate in Education and taught English her entire life.

At any rate, I just thought this was funny. And before you get the vapors and say “Your mom flips you off,” think for a second. You would, too.

Reader Interactions

86Comments

  5. 5.

    waspuppet

    And before you get the vapors and say “Your mom flips you off,” think for a second. You would, too.

    Au contraire; I would love to have the kind of relationship where my mom and I could flip each other off and say we never loved each other. It would beat fuck out of the cut-rate, lower-case Eugene O’Neill/Tennessee Williams bullshit we reenact on a regular basis.

  6. 6.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    OT (is there a T?):

    Teddy Davis ‏@ TeddyDavisCNN 21m21 minutes ago
    Dem Senator @ ChrisCoons proposes surtax to cover cost of war against ISIS: “If we must fight, we must pay.”

    I’m sure John McCain and Lindsey Graham are blowing up his phone trying to sign on as co-sponsors

  7. 7.

    Elizabelle

    OJ. I love that. Should go in the BJ lexicon.

    Happy New Year’s Weekend to all Coles and pets and BJ commenters in the vicinity.

  8. 8.

    Elizabelle

    Anybody else watching the SyFy Twilight Zone marathon? Every episode, in airdate order.

    ETA: It’s the hour-long episodes, until 6:30p, when they’re back to half hours again. Right now is the wax figures of murderers in the basement. Martin Balsam. That one was pretty creepy.

    Here’s today’s lineup: http://www.locatetv.com/listings/syfy

  9. 9.

    Elmo

    I love little inside jokes like that.

    My middle fingers – both of them – are weirdly crooked, so that they curve at the top toward my ring fingers. It’s not really all that noticeable unless I’m flipping you off.

    One day I was passing the office manager’s desk, and she said something amusing and snarky. I kept walking and raised my middle finger, as you do. This was not at all uncommon as a communication and team-building exercise in that office. She was unfazed, but apparently startled by the odd appearance of the digit. She called after me, Hey! Your finger’s crooked!

    I told my then-girlfriend (now wife) that story, and she found it hilarious that the main takeaway from me flipping off the office staff was the surprise about my finger. So much so, that it became a byword with us – when I would otherwise flip her off, I will instead simply mutter “My finger’s crooked,” to which she will respond, “My finger’s straight.” And vice versa.

    It’s handy for insulting each other in public, when it isn’t nice to be vulgar.

  10. 10.

    Schlemazel

    My mom had a great sense of humor and would love this exchange. She was brought up in a strict house though & women were not permitted such behavior has giving the finger. She had a wicked sense of humor though & often let you know she was metaphorically flipping someone off. Then when she was past the age of having to care she was a bit more open about it. Your relationship seems plenty healthy to me JC.

  15. 15.

    WereBear

    @Elizabelle: We used to be front & center every year. Now that it is on Netflix we don’t feel the urgency. It is marvelous stuff.

    Favorite hour? The one where the ship crashed on the hot planet and all the survivors are living in caves. Everyone is happy about being rescued… Except their leader…

    Gets me every time!

  16. 16.

    Schlemazel

    @Elizabelle:
    I have seen a few of them. Many I remember but it still surprises me that there are some I have no memory of. I was not a regular TV viewer I guess. The one on now, about the wax figure murderers was not my favorite, the last one, about the genie and one wish was over-long but I liked the ending.

    I read some about Rod Serling earlier, I did not know about his full history in WWII. This certainly throws an interesting light on some of his stories. One in particular where an American Lt. sees a situation through the eyes of a Japanese Lt.. It does not change the message but it certainly gives it a weight it wouldn’t have without that background.

  17. 17.

    raven

    Great announcing “We have the supervisor of officials here in the booth, how does that offsides rule work”?

    Duh, this ain’t soccer.

  21. 21.

    CaseyL

    Happy New Year’s Weekend, all y’all. Went hiking on Whidbey Island yesterday in absolutely perfect weather, and got home yesterday in time to see the Sherlock Christmas Special, which was crazy and wonderful, so all in all it was a great New Years Day for me.

    Today am feeling very sloth-y. I should do a major clean on the house. At some point. Once I get up off the sofa. Maybe.

    ETA: Cole’s mom blogging here? I vote YES. Oh, the tales she could tell…

  22. 22.

    Keith G

    As I was processing the back and forth of Cole’s post, I was hoping that the “I never loved you” text had been typed by Mother Cole.

    That would have been dope.

  25. 25.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Hey John, do your parents still have Ginny and Guesley (sp?)? You haven’t mentioned them in forever. They were funny dogs, and I hope they’re still around and doing well.

  27. 27.

    gelfling545

    @Elmo: A woman I knew worked in a sales environment in which the one finger salute would be inappropriate. She would occasionally raise her hand with all 5 digits spread widely. One day she was questioned about the practice & what she meant by it. She did the hand spread thing and said “This”, then the one finger deal,”is this to the 5th power.”

  28. 28.

    SIA

    I’ve been saving my mom’s texts for years. She loves the return button.

    Did a few
    Things
    Have things to
    Do
    Upstairs
    How was
    Your dinner

  30. 30.

    SIA

    Mom:

    I saw that
    Wide path
    Showing
    Rain.
    Maybe it
    will be gone
    When it’s
    Time for
    Lake trip
    I am resting or
    Reading
    I have to put car
    In
    Garage
    Before rain
    Comes

  40. 40.

    Schlemazel

    @srv:

    ‘never compromise, not even in the face of Armageddon.’

    That is a great motto, a strong and admirable way to go. In the hands of a sane, decent, person it would be admirable. As a path for Sen. Cruz its the path to armageddon.

  41. 41.

    WaterGirl

    @Baud: I had concluded that MOM was going to bed early and that it was Cole who said “I never loved you”. But maybe I have that backwards.

    Cole did reference his mother flipping him off, so I think her writing “OJ” seems to support my initial take

  45. 45.

    WaterGirl

    Can I just say how much I fucking Hate Microsoft? I set up my new MacBook Air yesterday – clicked a few buttons, waited an hour and my new mac was seamlessly set up just like my old one with all my apps and files and preferences in place.

    EXCEPT for Microsoft, of course. In order to open any of the office programs, I had to find my 4-year old CD with the magic number on the back. Which I had to type into Excel. Of course Outlook still didn’t work because the had to be purchased separately so I had to go back and find the 4-year old email message that included that magic code. And you had to know that you couldn’t just enter the Outlook code into the Outlook box that asked for the code – FIRST you had to enter the office code into excel and THEN you could enter the Outlook code into outlook.

    I have always hated Microsoft, and I hate them even more today for spoiling the simplicity of my transition to my new laptop. Bastards!

    edit: Oh, and I had to figure this all out myself because they won’t fucking talk to you on the phone. Bastards again!

  48. 48.

    Schlemazel

    @jeffreyw:
    Of all the cats that have ever shared a life with us we have never ever had any that would get along like that. Even litter mates would refuse cat company once they grew beyond kitten stage. I look at photos like that one & am green with envy.

  51. 51.

    Jade

    Your wonderful parents are the reason you are such a terrific person. You are a kind, non-racist, human, loving person. Those qualities are as rare as the hope diamond these days.

    I lose faith in humanity a lot these days and you will post something that reminds me that there are still good people in the world.

    Tell them “Thanks for doing such a good job raising you,” I know it wasn’t easy.

  52. 52.

    imonlylurking

    I have decided to join the 20th century and start a website-with-a-blog. (Now that we all know blogging isn’t a passing fad, right?)

    I’m trying to make it safe for people with migraines and it’s really tough getting the color combinations right. Jeepers.

  53. 53.

    VFX Lurker

    @srv:

    Cruz slyly alluded to a line from the movie Watchmen in which Rorschach, his fifth favorite super hero of all time, famously said, ‘never compromise, not even in the face of Armageddon.’

    Ew. Rorschach was a nutcase, not a hero. He didn’t even bathe.

  57. 57.

    jeffreyw

    Or there could be a thread where all posts are in the voices of posters’ mothers.

    “Stop that this instant! Put our sister back down!”

  58. 58.

    debbie

    @Schlemazel:

    My dad worked with Rod Serling on some promotional thing in the early 60s. My dad had a twisted sense of humor, but he said Rod had him beat by a mile.

  60. 60.

    Ruckus

    @WaterGirl:
    I had a problem with MS Silverlight, a free download from Netflix. You need this to watch Netflix in any browser other than Chrome. (this may have changed, that was true when the story happened) MS wanted $20 to tell me how to get their free, crappy, broken program off my computer so I could reload their free, crappy, broken program. I told them that I had a better fix. I’m taking my PC out to the street and running it over with my truck. Then I’m going to the Apple store and purchasing a computer that doesn’t use any of their fucking software. Yes it’s a bit more expensive but not all that much. In the last 3 yrs I’ve had zero problems, which is exactly opposite every copy of every piece of MicroShit software that I’ve ever had for the last 30 yrs.

  61. 61.

    Redshift

    @VFX Lurker: I was going to say that Rorschach is the superhero I most associate with Cruz, but actually I don’t think so. He plays the part of being fanatical and principled, but he’s really just out for himself. The Comedian might be a closer match.

  62. 62.

    FlyingToaster

    @Ruckus: Oddly enough, I installed Silverlight on my 3rd-last Mac, and every one since; I’ve had zero problems running it on a Mac.

    I expect I’ll have to break down and buy a Windoze/Linux laptop again this year; my old work one is just decrepit. If I want to go back to work (instead of being Mom/Sysadmin/handywoman), I’ll need to be able to test on more than OSX 10.6 – 10.11.

  63. 63.

    Rashi

    That led to another round of hysterics when we pointed out that gesture doesn’t start with a “J,”

    How is that funny?

  64. 64.

    J R in WV

    Nice pictures of kittehs, all.

    I have to say, I am developing an intense dislike of Pinterest, which won’t let us non-members look at more than one picture without creating an account and logging in. FK that crap!

    There are a thousand photo hosts on-line that only require membership for uploading. I’m not going to join all of them in order to look at pix friends have posted.

    GRRRrrrrrrrr1!!

  65. 65.

    Ruckus

    @FlyingToaster:
    Chrome runs HTML5 so you don’t need silverlight. Other browsers may have caught up by now, this was 3 yrs ago. Part of what makes apple work is that the basis of the op sys is unix. Which has always been a very stable platform that doesn’t allow the broken, kludged together, system that is every microshit op sys. Yes some versions have been better over the years, but they are still bloated, illogically written kludges that actually get worse as you use them.

  67. 67.

    Elizabelle

    That Twilight Zone about people in caves might be on now. SyFy channel.

    @debbie: 1 degree of separation from Rod Serling. Well done!

    I’d love to see his Emmett Till script. Not sure if it was ever published.

  70. 70.

    Rashi

    @Rashi: Okay, I see now. I’m as good a speller as your mom and a much worse reader, although “gesture” should’ve been in quotation marks as it is here. I need ta sleep.

  73. 73.

    WaterGirl

    @Ruckus: Go Ruckus!

    Did you actually run over your windows computer? I would pay good money to see that. In fact, you may have missed a fundraising opportunity. I would have paid $25 to watch that, and I bet a bunch of other people would, too.

  76. 76.

    WaterGirl

    @Oatler.: My mom’s favorite was Jesus, Mary and Joseph – usually followed by her telling us that “you kids are driving me to drink”. Lovely.

    I loved my mom, but I think I like Cole’s mom better.

  80. 80.

    Ruckus

    @WaterGirl:
    Na, I needed to offload a bunch of files that I actually used. And besides I’m a semi responsible person, I wiped the disc and then took it to recycling. Besides I’d probably slashed a tire and then it would have cost more. I did however drive directly to an Apple store and purchase a mac. Just bought a 5k iMac to replace it so if anyone wants a perfectly good 21″ iMac, wiped and latest OSx installed, let me know. Still have the box it came in to ship it as well. Priced reasonably. At least from my standpoint.

  81. 81.

    JCJ

    @srv:

    “We could use a few more Katniss Evergreens in the world to take on what’s wrong with Washington.”

    Did he really say “Katniss Evergreen”? Nothing shows you as a true fan more than when you can’t even get the main character’s name right.

  82. 82.

    Scapegoat

    @WaterGirl: Keynote is WAY better than PowerPoint, and Pages is a delight to use compared to Word.

    I swore off both of these MS products to preserve my sanity. Excel, on the other hand is maybe still a little better than Numbers (or maybe I’m just more [ab]used to it).

    Sadly, recent versions of Apple’s iWorks stuff is a bit “dumber” than previous versions as they attemp to match all iOS functions. Boo…

    But, yes — OJ to MS x 1,000!

  83. 83.

    WaterGirl

    @Scapegoat: I hadn’t paid any attention to iWorks. A quick google makes me think that mac users still have the full programs but PC users can get free, dumbed down versions of Pages, Keynote and Numbers. Do I have that right?

  84. 84.

    Scapegoat

    @WaterGirl: Maybe, but I don’t believe so. When/if you upgrade to the latest Mac stuff, it’s missing a few features from the last iWorks suite and the interface is simpler (and not always better, I’m afraid).

    The benefit is that everything synchs between computer and iOS and files can be cloud stored.

    The new versions do not overwrite your iWork versions (thankfully!), so you can still use the older, smarter versions (but these won’t open things created with the new versions).

    Summary: if you have any iOS devices, the newer stuff is worth it (and it’s not tragically dumb, but missing only a few advanced features). If no iOS devices, no need to upgrade to the latest iWorks right now.

  85. 85.

    WaterGirl

    @Scapegoat: I just got a new MacBook Air. Sounds like the versions on the new MacBook Air may be different than the versions of my old MacBook Air. bummer.

    I’m a mac girl, so I have the laptop, an iPhone, an iPad and plenty of old iPods!

  86. 86.

    Scapegoat

    @WaterGirl: You can probably copy over the old versions to the new Air.

    Also, if you use(d) Migration for the new setup, from old to new, it should copy the old versions over. You’ll have both versions then.

    Yeah, my wife and I have got a similar affliction. :-) I have to occasionally boot into Windows for my work and find it a soul-less (and frustrating) experience.

Comments are closed.