There’s a 16 year old kid in my small town who is a really good kid, cuts my yard and walks my dogs when I am out of town, and does other neat stuff. His biggest interest, though, is his bike, which he is constantly riding. I’m an old, so I don’t know the kind of bike he rides (it looks like an old bmx bike but the seat is super low on the back wheel, but he is always doing these tricks like spinning his handlebars and he has these metal things on the wheels he stands on, and he bounces on the front wheel and that sort of thing, and they are always making ramps and jumping and doing stuff like that.
But here is what drives me nuts- he never wears a helmet. I’m always on him, and he just tells me he hasn’t bought one yet, but every time I see him riding the way he does I have mental images of traumatic brain injury from his exploits.
So here is the dilemma. I want to buy the kid a helmet and maybe some gloves or pads, and just give them to him as a gift the next time he cuts my grass for being, well, a good kid (and he really is a super kid) and always helping me out when I am out of town and taking care of my piglets. My problem is, even though I am friends with his parents, I’m afriad they are going to think I am making a parental decision or maybe somehow offending them if I do that.
What say you?
stinger
Maybe ask them if they’d mind if you gave the kid a gift like that?
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
If you know his parents, talk to them about your concerns. If they blow you off, that’s their decision. You’ve talked to the kid, you’ve then talked to the parents. You can’t do much more.
People make stupid decisions, especially when they’re young. It’s part of life. :-/
Buying the helmet isn’t going to make you or them feel better when he doesn’t wear it because it’s not the right color or something…
My $0.02.
Cheers,
Scott.
dewzke
Buy them all helmets?
Jack Canuck
If you’re friends with them, run it by the parents first. Then you’re fine either way. (Though it doesn’t solve the ‘riding without a helmet’ problem if they’re not cool with it. And I totally get the same heebie-jeebies seeing anyone riding around without a helmet these days, let alone doing trick riding like you say he does.)
Whatsleft
Speaking as a parent, if you are friends with the parents, just be honest about how much you admire their kid and your (and my) phobia about TBI and ask if they are cool with this gift. His coolness is surely a reflection of their great parenting, after all
Alexandra
Put yourself in his shoes, think back of how you were at that age… and the stuff you used to do as teenager.
How would you have felt and/or your parents have reacted in circumstances like that?
Binky
Maybe go with and let him pick it out? The bmx kids in Morgantown wear these.
dewzke
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGvE8kXz8Mg
Mart
I’m an old, but pretty sure the kids jumping ramps do not wear helmets or pads; as doing so is not cool. Think of all those wipe-out videos, ever see a helmet? So expect buying would be a wasted effort.
Funkula
A rollerblade-style helmet would probably go over better than a bicycle racing helmet. It has more association with daredevils and shouldn’t make him feel as dorky.
opiejeanne
The first two commenters said what I was going to say.
I loved riding my bike when I was a kid, well into my twenties. I would have hated wearing a helmut when I was a kid and I don’t own one now, but I also don’t own a bicycle, I will buy one when I buy a bike. Someday. I’m 63, not sure what I’m waiting for.
When my middle child was about 9 one of her best friends fell off her bike and her head hit the sharp stone edge of the raised curbing in her neighbor’s yard. She was in surgery for hours and in the hospital for weeks. The boy in the next bed had a similar injury from falling while skate-boarding. She recovered, he died. A helmet would have saved both of them from their particular injuries.
ranchandsyrup
Is he a flat lander? Lots of those guys don’t go with a helmet because their tricks are low or no speed. I’d still want one though. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatland_BMX
Higgs Boson's Mate
It might just be that wearing a helmet isn’t cool. If that’s the case then you have a hard row to hoe.
eemom
A good question. I would say, that since you’re friends with them, they would understand where you’re coming from with the gift — i.e., that you appreciate and care about the kid — and not take offense.
As a parent myself, the only downside I can imagine is something along the lines of thinking “holy shit, John is absolutely right — why didn’t WE insist that he wear a helmet?” but that wouldn’t be something I would blame you for.
Lolis
I doubt parents would get offended unless they are total douches. The problem may come in getting the kid to wear it. But they do have some good looking helmets these days. Get him one that he actually thinks looks cool enough to impress people.
Short Bus Bully
We’re olds now. You’re going to end up buying him the equivalent of a New Kids on the Block helmet no matter what you try.
Nice thought tho…
Silver
@ranchandsyrup: It can’t be trials, right? Unless Cole moved off to Scotland or something…
And yeah, I’m with you on the helmet. The vertical drop is the same for your head.
EZSmirkzz
You can run it by the parents John, but I’m so old I can remember when no one wore a helmet and traumatic brain injuries weren’t the biggest fear of bike injuries. Nothing hurt like sliding off the seat onto the cross bar. Kids are going to get hurt. Two of mine broke bones, one busted out the front teeth. Helmets wouldn’t have helped, neither did my yelling at them for being stupid kids. They still call me on farters day.
wmd
I did a fair bit of research on helmets a while back – I ride motorcycles and wanted to get a good idea of what would protect my brain. I was quite surprised that helmets aren’t to protect you from hitting things at high speed; rather their primary function is to protect you from the abrupt deceleration of a fall from 5 feet or so. The hard shell on a motorcycle helmet does keep your skull from being abraded as you slide, but not from going 60 mph to 0 mph if you slam into a brick wall, and the composite foam liner doesn’t help in the latter situation much either.
My point is that BMX riding needs the foam composite part of a helmet because falling on your head is the kind of accident you could have on a bicycle. not to likely to have your head grinding on pavement for 50+ yards like you could coming of a motorcycle, so the hard shell isn’t needed.
Percysowner
I go with talk to the parents. You may well find out that they already bought him a helmet and he’s being a kid and has “lost” it already or simply refuses to wear it.. I was luckyish. When my daughter first got her bike she took a mild spill and hurt her arms pretty badly, just scrapes, but they HURT. After that we got no flack about wearing protective gear. Or at least not when we could see her. Kids think they are immortal and that all those bad things can’t happen to them. So, asking the parents can’t hurt. And if they don’t care, you can’t make the kid care either.
raven
They told us to wear our helmets and flack jackets too. Of course I was 17 so I KNEW I didn’t need to.
Aji
If I really felt strongly about getting it for him, and don’t care about whether it winds up being a waste of your $$ (and I can understand that sentiment, because I’ve had it myself and followed through on it anyway), here’s what I’d do:
Get the gear; save the receipt so he can exchange for color, size, whatever. Tell him you’re seriously impressed with his skill on the thing, and you thought he might be interested in taking it to the next level. If he IS interested in thinking about doing it competitively, he’s gonna need the gear – because competition, whether amateur or pro, takes the safety issues to a whole other level. You thought he might like the stuff just in case. (And who knows? Maybe he’d secretly love the chance, and this would get him to put the stuff on.)
That way, he’s not on the hook for it if he can’t bring himself to be uncool enough to wear it; his parents aren’t on the hook if they don’t like the idea, because you can tell them it was a “just in case” kind of thing because you were trying to think of something to do for a great kid who helps you out; and you’re not on the hook for either guilt or overstepping.
My .02.
gbear
It’s like trying to give music to someone 30 years younger: You’re never going to be able to pick out a helmet he’ll think is cool.
Maybe next time he’s mowing your lawn, you can bring out a small watermelon, have a chat about getting and wearing a helmet, and casually throw the melon onto your sidewalk…
I didn’t get a helmet until my mid thirties when the emergency room nurse made me promise to buy one after I’d received 30 stitches because some moron threw their car door open while I was passing in traffic.
MikeJ
Unrelated, did anybody catch 20 across in Merle Reagle’s puzzle today? Member of the juicebox mafia and the only reason left to read the WaPo Ezra Klein has become a crossword question.
West of the Cascades
Agree with all the folks that say “ask the parents,” but great, great idea. Wearing a helmet as a kid will help him survive to adulthood AND encourage him to wear a helmet if he keeps riding his bike. Probably 75% of the people on bikes here in Portland wear helmets, but maybe half of the kids.
Maybe get him a Bell Tony Hawk multi-sport helmet – looks like a pro skateboarder’s helmet but apparently meets bike safety standards. Not as protective as a pure bike helmet, but better than nothing at all.
The Dangerman
Another vote for no helmet; I wouldn’t even talk to the Parents.
MikeJ
For the young cyclist, you should simply break his collarbone for him. It’s going to happen eventually and he might as well get it over with.
Laertes
He’s very likely got a helmet at home that he’s not wearing. Not much point making it two.
PhoenixRising
@Aji: Eggzackly.
Cole, this is just right.
and make it a Nutshell. The cool kids around my hood wear them, not racing or motorcycle style.
They sell ’em at REI, so worst case is he trades it for some other cool outdoor gear.
ETA: or Tony Hawk, per above.
MattF
It’s possible that the parents also want the kid to wear a helmet, it’s possible that school/recreational officials have made the same ‘suggestion’ to either the parents or the kid or both. In any case, it’s unlikely that the idea of wearing a helmet hasn’t occurred to anyone. But in the end, the kid has to wear the thing and has see the connection between wearing a helmet and not getting a serious injury.
IowaOldLady
You are doing something his parents should have done, but who cares? What’s the worst that could happen either way? Yeah, see the difference?
BGinCHI
As a cyclist I say yes on the helmet, for sure. But I also didn’t practice any safety for a good part of my life and I get that a 16-year-old isn’t going to bend his style for some old pet owner who thinks he’s gong to hurt himself.
I think the point is to make the gesture sincerely and let the chips fall where they may.
It might be good to ask the parents if they mind you doing it. Just say you want to do something for him because he’s a good kid and you can’t get your pets to talk to you.
If he doesn’t wear it that’s his choice, but at least he’ll know someone cares.
Jonathan
Give the helmet to the parents. Tell them you’d prefer that their son not die or be brain-damaged. Let them disagree.
becca
Option One:
“Jesus Christ! You are going to give me aneurysm! If you insist on risking bashing your brains out on the sidewalk, AT LEAST have the decency to warn me so I can close the curtains!”.
Option Two:
Cash.
Mnemosyne
@Aji:
Apparently the X Games started requiring the BMX riders to wear bike helmets this year because they had so many competitors who ended up with traumatic brain injuries. So that may be a way in: Hey, you seem really good at this, but you should probably get used to wearing a helmet because it’ll be required if you ever want to compete.
Narcissus
Can you get him some kind of helmet-specific gift certificate instead?
rikyrah
talk to the parents.
if they get an attitude, let it go.
if they don’t, give it as a gift to the kid.
jon
Tell him you’ll buy him one, then tell him you won’t hire him to mow your lawn anymore if you see him not wearing the helmet. He can be uncool and employed or cool and unemployed. Those are job decisions all of us have to make. That it’s good for him is another thing, but the only actual power you have is that you are his sometime boss. Treat him like an adult and give him a choice. Chances are he’ll respect that.
The risk is that you’ll lose a good kid as a worker. Or that he’ll lie to you and not wear it. Of course, not hiring him then would make more sense.
Mnemosyne
@PhoenixRising:
You mean a Nutcase helmet? I love mine.
Anne Laurie
@Aji:
This is brilliant. “Wow, you’re so good I thought you might be getting into the competition ring” is a genuine compliment… and if his parents decide (not likely) to get sniffy, having them tell the kid “How DARE Cole suggest you do something so dangerous!” kinda makes the safety gear cooler, by association.
DanR2
He’s 16? He won’t need the helmet as soon as he can get a car.
Litlebritdifrnt
@Aji: That kind of thinking is seriously brilliant. “I think you are good enough to be a pro, so if you want to do that you will have to have the gear” is so subtle that it beats every other suggestion heretofore.
cathyx
He will never wear the helmet. Period. Don’t bother buying it. If the parents never cared enough to start him off wearing one since he first started riding the bike, then they don’t think it’s important enough. Save your money.
Ecks
If his parents are cool and you can find one that isn’t going to suck for him, it’s probably best to break it right. You were reading about head bangs, and the problem is that if you do it hard enough your brain can get bruised and even start leaking blood and there’s nowhere for blood to go inside your skull so it squishes more parts of your brain. That can do things to you such as:
Via. You like him the way he is. If his personality started changing on you, and he wasn’t coordinated enough to do trick son his bike anymore you’re not sure you could take that. And you’re not sure he could either.
Some guy in Austin
First, he’ll probably be ok.
Buy him a helmet. If he doesn’t wear it, there’s not much more you can or should do.
Carolinus
@Anne Laurie:
An chance of getting an update post on the ridiculously inflammatory, bogus c|net story posted last night (“Another Shoe Drops”)? They’ve walked it back, and Rep. Nadler, who the whole story was based on, says there’s nothing to it:
http://editors.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2013/06/think_thats_all_she_wrote.php
Ecks
@jon: Naw. That makes it extrinsic – something he HAS to do, because otherwise he’s out money. Far better to go the AJ route and use the cool thing as a hook.
BGinCHI
Wait, is the kid’s name “Ted & Helen”?
If so, no helmet!
Sieg Heil!
Honus
I’d ask the parents; if the kid is a good kid, they are probably good parents and you owe it to them to ask and not offend them by just buying the helmet and pads and giving it to the kid. They might actually appreciate it, or let you know that they have tried and he wasn’t receptive.
Here’s the dance: people get easily and seriously offended if they think you are critical of their child rearing, but OTOH, most parents appreciate the compliment if you like their kid and want to do something for him. And he might be more receptive to his retired soldier buddy telling him he should wear a helmet, than the same advice from his parents, so you could actually be doing them a favor. But I think a little dialogue with the parents is the key.
ranger3
I immediately thought of this from “Old School”.
http://youtu.be/YTIdmCwAPpg
MikeJ
@Carolinus: Obot. We don’t need your stupid “facts” around here.
H. Dumpty
FWIW Bern Bicycle helmets are considered “cool.” Well, cool for helmets anyway.
http://bernunlimited.com/shop/bike.html
JWL
I never wore a helmet when I was a kid… and I’m not stupid, I’m smart! Not like people say.
ruemara
Why not? Isn’t being nice a good thing? Who could be insulted? Run it by the parents, maybe they can tell you if there’s a type or brand he’d like and go for it. I could only wish to know nice people who treated people right when they’re good to them. Prove that good deeds aren’t punished, they’re rewarded. DOO EEET.
LanceThruster
Two words —
Gary Busey.
jon
@Ecks: Maybe I was a different kind of kid at 16, but I would have responded to losing a job and its income more than I would to talk of me making a career of BMX tricks. More immediate. More sensible. More direct. He can already afford a helmet if he has a trick bike, but doesn’t want one. Give him a reason and he might.
At 16, all the kids who are going pro in the BMX world are already touring with sponsors anyway. It’s as crazy as AIA basketball, even if there isn’t as much money dangling in front of those kids.
Cassidy
@BGinCHI: Seconded.
Seriously, nice thought, but not your kid. When you have kids, by them bike helmets.
keestadoll
Jesus. Get him the helmet. You give a shit.
raven
@jon: When I was 16 my old man let me buy a Honda 150 Dream cuz “You’ll probably only kill yourself and one other person”. No one wore helmets in those days.
C.S.Strowbridge
Buy him the helmet, and then… and this is the genius part of my plan… steal a car and hit him with it. Just knock him to the ground and make sure he smacks his head before racing off. This way, his parents won’t be offended, because you will have saved their son’s life.
I see no way this plan could fail. But if it does, don’t mention my name to the cops.
MB
Fuck all that noise above (okay, some of it isn’t noise). Give the kid what you really want to give him – respect. Find a way to comp him entry to any of a local: 1) MTB skills clinic, 2) juniors racing program, or 3) League of American Cyclists skills class. Any of those say: “Dude, I’m impressed, and I thought you might get some advantage out of this.”
Also? Every one of those requires a helmet.
Steeplejack
@MikeJ:
Whew, you scared me for a minute there! I have four or five crosswords I do religiously every day, thought I had done that one but didn’t remember that clue. Turns out I had done the puzzle, but it was one of those situations where you don’t see a certain clue because you’ve filled in that section using other clues. (Hope that makes sense.)
MB
And for the rest of you – helmets are the very last line of defense. Once you need a helmet, many other things have gone wrong. You’re far better off learning how to ride a bike than just strapping on a helmet and calling that enough.
Aji
@PhoenixRising: I’m glad you know which brands are cool, ’cause on that score, I’m no effing help at all. OTOH, getting kids to do what they don’t want to do? I can usually come up with something. Maybe it comes from having no kids of my own, and therefore getting to be the “cool aunt.”
Ecks
@jon: Different people respond to different stuff. But the general principle holds that the more he can internalize this and subjectively feel like it was his choice, the better.
John O
MYOB. The herd has a way of thinning itself out. If you can’t do that, talk to the parents first.
It isn’t your call. And learning to fall is a critical part of being a kid.
The other other Max
Good counsel from those advising to compliment the parents and offer to buy the gear because you appreciate the kid so much. Keep criticism implied or explicit far, far away.
The kid may or may not use the gear–that’s beyond your control. What you can do is try make it easy for him to do it. Kudos to you for caring (really, how many people can get ticked off if you care and are appreciative and respectful?)
Keith G
Script:
“BIlly, I’m curious, do you have a helmet like this at home?”
“Oh, you don’t. Well, tell you what, you seem to be getting good at doing stunts and the more you do the more likely you are to fall. Would it be okay if I got one of these for you as an added thank you?”
Cole, you work with young men. You know to keep it simple and give him a sense of agency.
Just leave out the stuff about gladiators.
? Martin
I have two coworkers that would have died in bike accidents if not for their helmet. Just give it to him. You won’t give a fuck about anyone’s sensibilities if that kid bounces off the front of a Buick.
Suzanne
Just buy him the helmet, and buy something cool. None of this shit my family always pulled on me about how if something was functional, the style didn’t matter. Get him a gift receipt and call it a good deed done.
Aji
@Mnemosyne: Hey, stranger! Yeah, believe it or not, I actually did know that. The mister occasionally likes to watch it, and if I’m in front of the TV along with him, I occasionally absorb a little of it.
Ecks
@MB: Well obviously goal one is not to bang your head at all. But if you’re on a bike long enough, at some point it’s going to happen – because
a) nobody is perfect, and
b) bike’s can mechanically fail
c) other things and people can hit you
d) Sometimes with more skill you end up taking more risk, so when things do go wrong they go REALLY wrong.
So learn to ride your bike AND wear a helmet. It ain’t complicated.
mai naem
Just lie and say your friend/brother/sister whoever was getting rid of stuff and just happened to have one and voila!!! you thought of this kid right away! There’s no feeling potentially hurt. You do your good deed. He’s safer. Everybody’s happy.
Aji
@Anne Laurie: Hahahaha!!! Thanks. Next time someone gives me that “Are you crazy or just stupid?” look, I’m just gonna point them to this comment, ‘kay?
No, seriously. I do remember being that age, far back in the mists of time though it may be. And mostly what I remember as being of paramount importance is being taken seriously. This does that, and potentially gets a good .result on top of it.
And, of course, there’s always the possibility that the kid’s parents have been beside themselves trying to get him to wear one. They might actually be grateful.
Steeplejack
@Mnemosyne:
I like that 8-Ball.
Aji
@Litlebritdifrnt: It’s classic teen management. I had the luxury of being able to do that, since I’ve always been only the aunt, not the mom. :-D
piratedan
I think you should cut his grass while wearing a helmet, that way… wait a minute…..
Bill
I had an older friend repeatedly in brain rehab because of tumors and it always shook me to see brain-injured young people in his wing of the hospital. Maine doesn’t require motorcycle helmets and quite often these were young men in their teens or twenties reduced to quivering vegetables after accidents. Sometimes this was going to be a permanent state for them.
I’ve never forgotten to wear my bicycle helmet since seeing that.
I don’t know how best to convey this experience to others but I’ve certainly tried with some of my students, using the most vivid descriptive language possible.
My friend eventually died of those goddam tumors but he was in his 80’s.
raven
So no one else thinks that the risk is part of the appeal?
piratedan
@Bill: in the EMS field, they’re referred to as “donorcycles” because that’s where a good number of your organ donor transplants come from sad to say.
Ted & Hellen
It’s generally considered creepy when single men of a certain age buy presents for handsome teenage boys.
Mornington Crescent
Here’s some baseball commentary from CPU v CPU:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKY5fmDGVLs
opiejeanne
@MikeJ: I saw that. Printed it out last night just after midnight and laughed when I saw it.
I find that I fall asleep working crossword puzzles pretty easily; otherwise I lay there with a brain that I can’t switch off.
Kay
Giving an expensive gift could come off as creepy to his parents, so definitely go to them first. But rather than putting the emphasis on, “I think he should wear a helmet so I want to buy him one,” tell them you want to give him something to show how much you appreciate all he does and what a great kid he is. Then say you’ve noticed what a great rider he is and that you would like to get him a helmet/pads to encourage his hobby. This way the emphasis is on ‘good kid’ (believe me, no parent gets tired of hearing this) not ‘bad parents.’ Use this approach when you give it to him also. Emphasis should be on him as a good person and your respect for his interest and skill, not on the recklessness of riding w/o a helmet (although a quick sidebar about the result of head injuries you saw in war might work).
As others have said, he may not wear a helmet because it isn’t cool. If that’s the case, the parents will tell you. Even if he just isn’t wearing one because he hasn’t prioritized it in his budget, whatever you get might be wrong. So be sure to tell him where you got it, that he’s free to exchange it for one he likes or that fits better, and give him whatever passes for a gift receipt at the store where you buy it. Just know that if you see him next time with no helmet but new wheels or handlebars or whatever, you’ll have done what you can.
Birthmarker
I am following a couple of folks on FB who have TBI. Pretty difficult condition for all involved.
My son got hurt once on a dirt bike and once on a bike. Broke an arm and knocked out two teeth, but had on helmets, fortunately.
jon
@Ted & Hellen: He already hands him cash, presumedly after he sweats in his yard for a long time, so that bridge has been crossed if you decide to look at them that way.
And married men never do anything creepy, ever. Nope.
Bloix
You’re asking a very interesting public health question.
There’s no doubt that the number of serious head injuries is less among riders who wear helmets.
But that’s not the question that’s of interest to you.
You want to know, for this specific kid, how is his risk of head injury affected by helmet use?
And that’s a really hard question. tT answer it, you want the best available proxy for his personal risk – something like, number of head injuries among 16 year old boys riding bmx bikes casually, with and without helmets.
These are really hard stats to come by.
But it’s likely that his risk of head injury is fairly small to begin with, so the reduction from helmet use, on a personal level, is not very great.
Like seat belts – you wear seat belts every trip, right? But how many people do you know personally who have avoided injury by use of a seat belt? Not very many, right?
I’m an adult who rides, and I and my children have always worn helmets.
But I would leave this one alone. The risk you want to save him from is probably very small, and the chance that you’ll offend his parents is pretty high.
Keith
Do a test run by offering him some free candy. If that works, ask him over to watch some gladiator movies, and while he is there, show him the helmet.
Ted & Hellen
@Keith:
Ha!
Higgs Boson's Mate
@Keith:
That is sick. I’m jealous.
Soonergrunt
Tell him that he’s really good. Tell him that the roads are full of assholes in their cars who don’t see kids on bikes and head injuries kill more than all the other kinds put together.
Viva BrisVegas
If the kid’s parents are good people, they will have already gone down the helmet road. He probably has one or two helmets and sets of pads sitting in the wardrobe at home. If they aren’t good people, you don’t want to get involved.
If you want to do something good for the kid, tell him he is doing such a good job you are giving him a raise.
Don’t buy anything for a teenager that is good for them. If you do, you can expect as much gratitude as if you bought him a packet of metamucil.
raven
Have you had you colonoscopy?
sherparick
@Percysowner: This is what I was going to say as well. I would not be surprised if they told you that he has a helmet already, but just refuses to wear it. As you wrote in another post being an idiotic risk taker, Darwin award wannabe is in the job description of most teenage males. That any of us survive the age from 11-21 is a somewhat minor miracle..
tofubo
i say he’s gonna put your helmet and pads right next to the ones his parents bought him and give you a hearty thanks and ride off into the sunset sans helmet, pads, a full on coulette if you will, he’ll like you but think yer’a 40 something what does he know, i’m invincible, kinda kid as we all were
edit:
per the above from sherparick
don’t get me started on alcohol and a moped…
Higgs Boson's Mate
@sherparick:
Yep. When I was a teenager we did insanely dangerous things. We were lucky to come away with just broken bones, stitches and serious abrasions. Being injured did nothing to convince us that we ought to stop. We were convinced that we just hadn’t done whatever it was right and that we would get it right the next time.
Corner Stone
This is extremely creepy. And I’m not bagging on Cole. If someone came to me and said, “Hey, listen. Not to be a jerk or anything but I think your son’s a good kid and I’m worried about his safety. Would you be ok if I picked up something for him?”
My brain would be mentally dialing 911.
Double nickel
Not your problem. Let it be.
Kay
1. Both my kids. That is not a call you ever want to get at night. I overheard the cops cleaning up after that accident say that a few years before it would have been a fatality accident.
2. Me, in a separate accident.
3. The 2 kids who ended up in the middle of my yard a couple of weeks ago, after their car took down 18′ of split-rail fence and bounced off a utility pole (we live on a poorly graded curve).
Who wasn’t saved from serious injury by wearing a seat belt? The woman who took down 24′ of rail fence, then plowed head-first into a large tree in my yard a couple of years ago. She went up over the airbag and the force of her head banging into the windshield made a head-shaped bulge in the glass. When I looked in her Mercedes SUV I thought she was dead. Fortunately, Mercedes engineers their vehicles well enough to keep even their dumbest owners breathing. She did spend a considerable amount of time in the hospital though, and probably had permanent injuries.
Those are just the accidents I thought of in the few minutes I took to write this. Sorry for going off on a tangent, you just touched a nerve.
Lihtox
@Narcissus: That was my thought too: you could give him a gift certificate to a bike store. He might use it for something else, but it won’t put too much pressure on him. He works for you, so it can just be framed as a “bonus”.
@Corner Stone: I don’t think it’s creepy at all. Cole isn’t some random neighbor; the kid does chores for him.
dewzke
This post is about safety, right? wow…..
mellowjohn
13 years ago next sept. i proved several of newton’s laws during a bike ride. woke up as the EMTs were putting a cervical collar on me and moving me carefully onto a back board.
broke my collarbone in two places with displacement, and had 3 big cracks in the styrofoam inside of my helmet.
these days, i’m wary of getting on a stationary bike w/o a helmet.
Corner Stone
@Lihtox: This whole thing is creepy. There is absolutely nothing good that will come from this.
dewzke
How fucked up can we make this? gah.
catperson
I think it’s super sweet that you want to buy this kid a helmet. I haven’t read the thread but I’m in accordance with the (I suspect) many people who have told you to ask his parents if it’s okay if you buy him one and involve them in the process buy asking what they think he’d like.
ruemara
@sherparick: Speak for yourself. I was a very sensible teen. The most dangerous thing I did was read The Hobbit in one day.
Betsy
Buy him a helmet, and some pads or gloves, and throw in a nice gift certificate for his favorite bike shop.
As to those who say “you’ll sound like an old,” why give up and let kids have their stupidity free of charge? They have to hear it. Let them hear it.
Also, I don’t believe that they ignore it. The message goes in, and thoughtful kids get the message and think about it, and often do sow thing about it.
If many kids today don’t, it’s probably because all the adults around them “didn’t want to sound like olds.”
I say claim your adulthood and tell kids kindly and clearly that you care about their safety.
How else are they going to know that they are worth taking care of? If they don’t know that they are worth taking care of, and cared about, they won’t feel they are worth taking care of and they won’t care about themselves.
Also, I think it’s fine to give a safety gift to a kid that cuts your grass. His parents will probably be grateful that someone who’s not an annoying ‘rent is giving him advice and gear.
For all you know, they didn’t ask him to wear a helmet for the same reason that so many on this thread said — it would just be so uncool.
Rubbish! Adults need to act like adults.
You’re welcome. ;)
Mnemosyne
@Bloix:
You can ask Soonergrunt what he thinks of seat belts, since wearing his allowed him to walk away from the accident that totaled his car last year.
The wife of one of my friends at work also totaled her car last year, and also walked away because she was wearing her seat belt.
Those are just the most recent two I can think of. I grew up around firefighters, and I can tell you some of their tales of non-seatbelt wearers if you have a strong stomach. Being ejected from the car and having it roll over you means you get a closed coffin at your funeral.
Mnemosyne
@ruemara:
I think it’s one of those things where one can honestly say It’s a Girl Thing. Girls just seem much less interested in idiotic stunts.
I’m not saying I didn’t jump from the top of our staircase onto a pile of sofa cushions, but I have older brothers who egged me on. The teenage bike stunts still seem to be very much a Boy Thing.
kindness
John you can buy him the helmet but you can’t make him wear it.
You didn’t when you were his age and he’ll tell you if you press him. You may know better now but 16 John, 16.
cay
Back in the day, kids didn’t have helmets. They did semi-innocuous things and some dangerous things. Kids these days press the limit. Buy the helmet and let the kid decide. Fuck the parents–it’s your present. Leave a gift receipt!
pluege
ask the kid to bring you a picture of just one professional stunt biker not wearing a helmet and pads. He won’t be able to.
mazareth
Not being a parent, I’ll defer to other’s advice on that score. I agree that the kid should be wearing a helmet. I always ride a helmet on training rides, and have gotten much better about wearing a helmet on errands and other casual rides.
All that being said, The outcome of my two most serious accidents wouldn’t have been changed by a helmet. I have two root canalled and capped teeth from a face plant on the road — don’t ride through a pothole in the dark.
My second bike accident was this past summer. I blew out my left ACL from a wipeout caused by a driver that ran me off the road into the gravel shoulder. I’m now the proud owner of a zombie ACL — thank you to the organ donor, whoever you were.
Still riding though. I did 30 miles this afternoon. I’ve always ridden defensively, but now ever
CaseyL
I agree that offering to get him full protection gear – because he’s good enough a rider to enter competitions, all of which require helmets – is absolutely brilliant.
Not only might it make wearing the gear seem cool, he might actually turn out to be good enough to go pro.
I totally vote for that one. I would ask the parents first, though, using the same argument.
Gretchen
As the mother of a son, I’m betting they’ve bought him plenty of helmets which he loses or misplaces or leaves at a friend’s house, and they would be grateful to have an older friend, perhaps perceived as a bit cooler than themselves, step in and make another attempt to get the kid to wear a helmet. I’ve always been grateful for all the help I could get. Just make sure he can pick it himself so he gets something he likes.
wasabi gasp
You gave him your house keys?
Mnemosyne
@mazareth:
Me, too! I got mine after falling off a stepladder at work. I signed all of the organ donor paperwork before my knee surgery since it seemed kind of jerky to accept someone else’s donation but refuse to donate myself.
fuckwit
Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o
Yeah, if it’s not a “cool looking” helmut, the kid won’t wear it.
Ask the kid, not the parents. “Hey, if I buy you a helmut, will you wear it? Is there any kind you like?”
It’s very possible the kid doesn’t have one because the cool kinds are REALLY expensive, and he has no money, and the parents don’t either.
Cacti
Cole, you’re not that old.
Freestyle BMX was crazy popular with the kids of the 1980s.
And those metal things are called stunt pegs.
kuvasz
How about saying to the kid’s parents:
“Your son is a great kid, I would like to do something for him. do you have any problem if I gave him a gift to express my appreciation for his efforts at helping in my yard?”
If the parent accepts the compliment and idea of a gift, proceed:
“Since he has a bike I was considering a set of gloves, knee pads, and safety helmet. Would that be okay with you?”
Kind and considerate to all sides.
dexwood.
@Bloix:
Me. Last month. T-boned by an asshole red light runner. My dog too. He was in a harness tethered to the passenger seat belt behind me. No one needs a 75 pound animal slamming around inside a vehicle The crash killed my car. My dog and I survived with reasonably minor injuries. It could have been far worse, a situation prevented by seat belts and an airbag.
LongHairedWeirdo
In part, it depends on the cost. If you could give him $25, and what you’re planning to buy him costs $25, then you’re okay buying it. Heck, you can even go up to $35 or so and say you found it on special.
If it costs $50, and you can only give him $10 for helping out, then you *really* need to talk to the parents. They might not care, but they also might freak out.
As for it being a parental decision – I think you’re overthinking it. They probably won’t care. If they do, they’re probably buttheads. It’s possible that they’ll care, and aren’t buttheads, but the odds are definitely in the favor of not-caring, or being buttheads.
Obviously, the best thing is to involve the parents – especially if they can figure out what would be a good looking helmet/pads/gloves, so you don’t buy the dork-city set (face it, man – you’re too old to guess what’s cool and be comfortable you’re getting it right. Hell, the very phrase “dork-city” is probably the modern-day equivalent of dork-city these days. How would I know?)
fuckwit
Also, too, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJNR2EpS0jw
Ruckus
Once had a mom bring in her kid(11-12) to buy a bmx bike.(BTW what you described is a bmx bike) She allowed him to make the choice between the one I had or one from another store. She worked on him to get him to buy from me but he wasn’t convinced. So I laid it out for him – it was his choice as his mom said but he had to understand that he had to live with his decision so he should be sure. His mom was sort of flabbergasted that I was leaving it up to him, not putting pressure on him, not aggressively selling him. I told her she gave him the option so she should stick to that. If she hadn’t wanted him to make the decision she should have made it for him. My point is that he sounds responsible and he has a decision to make, or not. If his parents leave it up to him either by not insisting that he wear a helmet or not caring it’s not your place to change that. My advice would be to talk to the parents, they let you as an adult be in their sons life, they probably have at least a modicum of respect for you. The other way is to talk to him as an adult, that you are concerned for his head, that none of the internal parts can be replaced and you’d like to see him grow up. If he is doing tricks on a bmx bike he has fallen down, count on it. I’ve known kids who grew up on bmx bikes, became mx racers(the ones with motors), they all fall down when they are learning and even sometimes after they become national champions.
Xenos
@opiejeanne:
A close friend’s little sister spent a few months in a pediatric head injury ward, and I joined him for many visits. She was there due to a car accident, but nearly every other kid was there due to bike and skateboard accidents where they were not wearing helmets. I have been a helmet fundamentalist ever since.
As for trick riding, like the young fella in this post…. not sure what sort of helmet is best. The face-forward crash, like most bike helmets are designed for, is not what he should be worried about.
Ruckus
@Kay:
I have ridden motorcycles for over 45 years(ridden a bicycle longer). I road raced mc, including in the rain. I commute on one still. I have and always will wear a helmet, either on a bike or motorcycle. We didn’t have helmets for bicycles when I was a kid but we do have them now. We didn’t have seatbelts in cars when I started to drive either but now we do. Helmets and seatbelts work. You are never better off without them. You may still die or be seriously injured but your chances are always better with than without. A lot better.
BTW some states have laws about people under 16 or 18 having to wear a helmet when riding a bicycle. I’ll bet WV doesn’t.
amy c
If you do talk to the parents, do it as, “um, do you guys know he never wears a helmet?” rather than the implied, “so y’all are totally negligent and I wanted to fill that huge parental gap for you.”
Lurking Canadian
@Ecks: I fell off my bike in my early twenties. It wasn’t because I didn’t know how to ride it. I was on about kilometer 1000 of that summer cycling season.
Some combination of poor nutrition, not enough water, and over-exertion that day caused me to faint at the top of a hill I had climbed at least thirty times before. Helmet meant it was just embarassing when I hit the ground. I’m never riding without my helmet.
Chris pall
As a parent of four, talking to them is fine, and yeah, acknowledge that they may have already talked to him about it, acknowledge he probably won’t wear it, but if it they didn’t care you’d like to get it for him. Names matter possibly here: it is possible that having a big name on the side of the helmet will do the trick, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
Bill
Just give ’em to him.
Ruckus
As this is an open thread.
I’m thinking of changing my name to my actual name. When I started posting here I had some reasons for not using my name. I’m thinking that it’s not so important any more to fake hiding my id.
Any thoughts?
Forum Transmitted Disease
Talk to the parents. You don’t want to come off like Special Tim, proud father and shower rapist extraordinaire.
And if he’s good and wants to compete, he’s going to have to have one. I raced mountain for many years, a lot of my friends raced BMX. We all had to wear helmets. The BMX kids can wear the cool skater ones as they’re aren’t riding for miles on end. But he will have to wear one to compete, end of story.
He should also have gloves, but that’s a lesson he can afford to learn the hard way. Helmet, not so much.
Anne Laurie
@dexwood.:
Hear hear!
Our three 15-20lb dogs ride in the back seat, with their ‘doggy seat belts’ clipped to their harnesses. Spousal Unit won’t let them ride shotgun, because he’s afraid of the airbag spontaneously erupting and crushing them…
Quaker in a Basement
John, there’s a really good reason why you know the impact of TBI. Tell the kid everything you know and why you know it. Hearing real life army stories? The kid will think that is the coolest thing that ever happened to him.
aimai
@Ruckus: I wouldn’t do it. I posted for a short while under my real first name and I found the harshness and cruelty of other commenters in the internet world to be much worse when aimed at the “real” me than the pseudonymous me. Also you have an identity and a personality under Ruckus which you then have to build back up under your real name. Also, finally, I’ve had people track me down and write me weird personal letters after seeing my name in print for a NYT letter or something. Its creepy.
Gavin
Do nothing.
Pretend you are Larry David, and realize that any attempt to talk to his parents or otherwise convince the kid to wear a helmet will go horribly, horribly wrong.
mch
Helmets are good. Yes. But the world was also good once without them. (Yes, more than a century of bike-riders — most of them — did okay without them.) Stop worrying so much. Much good advice about consulting parents and all, above. But relax. Really.
mch
Helmets are good. Yes. But the world was also good once without them. (Yes, more than a century of bike-riders — most of them — did okay without them.) Stop worrying so much. Much good advice about consulting parents and all, above. But relax. Really.
Forum Transmitted Disease
.
@Ruckus: There are at least three legitimately crazy stalkers posting on this site tonight, people who would have no qualms about hunting down every person you know or work for and handing them transcripts of your entire posting history here just because it would give them a momentary sense of purpose to try to ruin your life. And this site’s not unusual in that respect. I have one site – one – that I use my real name on simply because it’s related to what I do for a living, and frankly even that concerns me more than a little. On a political site, given how insane, petty and vengeful our nation’s politics have become? I wouldn’t even consider doing it.
Alex
Buy him a Glock instead. No real American can argue with Freedom! and the increased mortality associated with possessing handguns makes it less likely that he will ever suffer head trauma as a result of riding his bike !
Mnemosyne
@mch:
It’s true, bike riders who got serious head injuries a century ago did okay, because they died outright from them instead of being hooked up to machines that kept them alive.
Are we also supposed to stop using antibiotics because, hey, most people got by without them a century ago, so why worry? Take seatbelts out of cars because, hey, we drove them for 50 years without seatbelts and most people got by, except for the ones who died or were seriously injured?
Steeplejack
@Ruckus:
I pretty much agree with Aimai. You’ve got a “brand” as Ruckus, and I don’t think having an on-line pseudonym is dishonest. (I may be misinterpreting your mention of “fake hiding my ID.”) And I could see potential problems arising, e.g., you mention in an anecdote that “my asshole ex-partner embezzled a bunch of money and killed our business,” and, if you’re posting as Heinz Doofenshmirtz of Danville, USA, suddenly a lot of people have a pretty good idea of exactly who you’re talking about.
ETA: And what Forum Transmitted Disease said.
Ruckus
Thanks all.
All the reasons mentioned were why I didn’t use my real name in the first place.
There are a few reasons I was considering changing. I have given out over the years a lot of info/stories that if someone knew me and read enough of them they probably could guess my name. I have tried to make the stories as impersonal as possible to avoid that but there is enough info there if anyone was interested. They would have to know me and possibly have heard the stories in person but still. I was somewhat in the public eye at one job I have had, have been on TV, was known by a relatively large number of people, not all of whom appreciated my job nor me doing it. Also with nothing being really private any more…
But I asked for a reason and I got my answers. I stay Ruckus for now.
Thanks
LosGatosCA
@Short Bus Bully:
Are the Brady Bunch helmets out of style now too?
Ruckus
@mch:
That’s asinine.
People died in huge numbers before safety helmets, seat belts, airbags, anti lock brakes, radial tires, crumple zones, pacemakers, antibiotics, safety glass, etc, etc, etc. People still die from unregulated and/or unsafe things like handguns, drunk drivers, their own stupidity, and their Luddite view of the modern world but not in the huge percentage of the population that they used to. And the world used to suck donkey’s balls from a survival point of view. The average age has gone up mostly because so many people didn’t die before they reached age 10 or in childbirth. That is entirely due to modern medicine. Life was not better. It may not be a bed of (actually the rose is a bad flower to use for this example due to the thorns) daisies but for most in this country and many others it is not a bed of razor sharp nails any more either.
Ruckus
I’m not that old although I was born in the first half of the last century. I have for the last 20 years worked with and around people many of whom are under 25 years old. Frequently they have no idea of how crappy many things we take for granted now were 40-50 yrs ago. Autos, bicycles, motorcycles, airplanes, most roads, job safety. Even some geezers who should know better think these things were better when they were teens than today. Things are more expensive, sure. But they are safer, they work better and last longer. And all of that is from government regulations and/or research.
Fred
BUY THE KID THE HELMET. He needs it.
Alex S.
1. Make your own kid and buy a helmet for him/her.
2. Talk to the parents first and make up for your criticism with a jar of mustard.
Bob h
Just give it to him. Maybe he hasn’t been able to afford one.
oldster
John, you should do it. Double-check with the parents, and then get him the helmet.
You are forgetting two advantages that you have here:
1) You are an adult who is *not* one of his parents. That means that you actually have a lot *more* influence and credibility than they do. If my parents had told me to eat brocoli when I was 16, I would have dug in my heels and said FU. But if a savvy, un-related adult had said, “look, it’s not a big deal, it’s just part of being a grown-up: eat your damned brocoli”, then this would have had a much better chance of reaching me.
2) You used to drive a frigging TANK! Or at any rate (I can’t remember the details) ride around in one. For a 16 year old boy, that is the height of cool. If you buy him a Nutcase or equivalent in a dark matte green, and tell him it reminds you of the helmets that you used to wear in tanks, he is going to tell that story over and over again, every time he wears the helmet.
(Warning: do NOT let him see a certain picture of Michael Dukakis, or the magic will evaporate.)
So I think you have very good odds of success here, and it is worth doing.
Incidentally–I was in London, UK this last week, and was very pleased to see a huge, 100-fold increase in the number of bikes on the road over the number 10 years ago. Also very pleased that about half of them were wearing helmets.
Bottyguy
Go ahead and buy him a helmet. We had both of our sons wear helmets even though most of our nieghbors didn’t. They both skated, Bmxd, unicycled, we have video of them both breaking other bones but not their heads,
Don’t buy him a dorky bike helmet for BMX he needs something like a PRO-TEC.
http://pro-tec.net/helmets/bmx
MTiffany71
The irony is that for all the good the helmet will do to protect the kid’s head from external threats, it can do nothing to protect him from the internal threat: his own sixteen year-old brain.
And @150 has a great point: you drove a damned TANK. I’m sure even you had to wear protective gear while doing so and that standard issue, utilitarian protective gear was tres, tres unfashionable. Take the kid aside, show him a picture of you in the tank with a the dorky government-issue helment and just tell him honestly “Please wear a helmet.” Don’t try to be cool or subtle, just sincere.
MomSense
Both my older boys have great helmets that they refuse to wear. Oh they may be wearing them when they leave the house but I keep getting horrified reports from Moms who inform me that they are helmet less. Judging from the expressions on their faces, the assumption is that I am remiss in my helmet enforcement or that they don’t have helmets.
Teenagers are difficult and stubborn.
seanindc
ok two things:
1) This is all I could think of reading your post
and
2) if you get on your bike at the X-Games without your helmet you are DQ’d on the spot. Period.
luzeelu
Get the helmet! I can say this with the utmost confidence. On July 2 of last year, my 14-year-old grandson decided to take his skateboard down a hill he had no business going down at all. Naturally, being 14 and fearless, he scorned helmets. The hill was dangerous, he crashed and smashed his head. No one was around to witness this, and a driver found him 10 or 15 minutes later. He died on the way to the hospital.
Get the helmet.
Central Planning
Buy him a car.
lojasmo
@Mart:
The smart ones do. It is mandatory for my son, and a great majority of his buddies.