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Let me file that under fuck it.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

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You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / I Have Issues

I Have Issues

by | 210 Comments

This post is in: 

I watched this tiktok, and let’s see who here can figure out what triggered me and has made me mad all day since I watched it.

@kelseylowrance

A household delicacy ? ##corgisoftiktok

♬ original sound – Kelsey Lowrance

Answer below the fold.

WHO THE FUCK OPENS A BANANA LIKE THAT? Sweet jesus why strong arm a piece of fruit and throttle it like a rogue goose attacking your new born. Just twist the end, you heathens.

Do other people do this? Good god.

*** Update ***

Apparently I am surrounded by psychopaths. She opened the damned banana from the wrong end. That’s the hardest part of the fruit, that stem there, as it is the load bearing section as that is where it hangs. All you need to do is gently twist the other end, where the flower formed, and it opens right up and you don’t mangle the fruit. Goodness.

*** Update #2 ***

OMG it’s worse than I thought. There are actually videos of how to properly open a banana on youtube so this is clearly a me thing and the entire world is dumber than actual monkeys.

Reader Interactions

210Comments

  5. 5.

    dmsilev

    throttle it like a rogue goose attacking your new born.

    I think we need to know why this is the metaphor you went with.

  8. 8.

    mrmoshpotato

    The other end is easier to peel, and then you can use the stem as a handle.

    “Stupid humans!” think the monkeys.

  11. 11.

    cain

    Is that what she did? I thought she just snapped it off and peeled it? I’m more wierded out that peeling a banana is so loud.

  13. 13.

    Another Scott

    @CODave: +1

    If a bananana doesn’t open at the stem end easily (e.g. too ripe?), a cut works well.

    I wasn’t able to see the thing on Chrome on Winders (a placeholder box appears with some links, then it turns into a short black rectangle).  I had to fire up Firefox to see it.

    Our Ellie loves finding bananana peels when we’re out on a walk.  I haven’t tried giving her pieces of banananas yet.  Our Sophie didn’t know what to make of the texture.  ;-)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  16. 16.

    scav

    A little dramatic for the camera, but um, strange person sharing corgi behavior as bid for global attention?

  32. 32.

    Gravenstone

    @CODave: A thumbnail works a treat for the nick, and there’s nothing to clean afterwards.

     

    PS Cole, you’re doing it wrong.

  35. 35.

    CaseyL

    Bending and twisting the stem is now I’ve unpeeled  bananas my whole life – except when the stem is really tough, in which case I’ll use a knife.

    If I don’t have a knife handy, I will bite the stem-end off like Ozzie Osbourne biting the head off a bat.

  40. 40.

    RaflW

    This blog post makes me wistful for really pretty much any day before June 16, 2015. It feels like a throwback to an era we will never recapture.

  41. 41.

    Jinchi

    let’s see who here can figure out what triggered me

    I thought it was going to be the fact that she coughed on the food right before she opened the banana, but that’s just me.

    As for opening the banana, most of us already break the banana at the stem to separate it from the others in the bunch, so breaking it there again to open up the fruit seems normal to me. Often enough, breaking the bunch accidentally opens up one of the bananas at the stem anyway.

  43. 43.

    Chetan Murthy

    @Jinchi:

    most of us already break the banana at the stem to separate it from the others in the bunch

    A banana stem that doesn’t partially detach from the fruit during this maneuver is …. still bark.  Needs to ripen a few more weeks.

  44. 44.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    @RaflW:

    I miss those days. Hell, I sometimes even miss the early Trump years. At least that was before all the insane QAnon shit, anti-vaxxer nonsense, and coup attempts

  48. 48.

    prostratedragon

    Team thumbnail here. If it’s really difficult, run the nail along one of the folds a bit and open the peel out like a jacket.

  50. 50.

    Citizen Alan

    @Jinchi: Yeah, I honestly assumed it was because she coughed without covering her mouth. That bugged me more than anything she did with the bananas.

  51. 51.

    Tony Jay

    Anyone who peels a banana, unless they are nursing a particularly gummy chimpanzee through an episode of depression, should lock themselves in an airtight room for, let’s say 30 minutes, so that they can reconsider the thing they’re doing wrong and stop it.

    Bananas are vile. Texture, taste, everything. It’s bordering on sinful, and the only other things I say that about are Piccalilli, Butter Beans and any form of olive.

    These statements are true. Fight me.

  53. 53.

    M. Bouffant

    I’ll admit I opened them at the stem until maybe ten yrs. ago when I heard about opening the other end, which is much more sensible. But in the many yrs. before, I, & everyone I knew, opened them at the stem. Weird. I can only assume I learned stem-opening from my parental units.

  55. 55.

    Chetan Murthy

    @Tony Jay:

    Fight me.

    So lemme get this right: you hate one of the yummiest fruits in the world, and we’re supposed to fight you about that?  Why would we do that?  It just leaves more for the rest of us! [as I wait the week-and-change for 8 already-yellow-with-a-brown-spot-or-two bananas on my counter to ripen to edibility.]

  58. 58.

    EmanG

    Holy crap. 58 years old and never saw/thought of this. The shit I learn on this site will never cease to amaze me.

  62. 62.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Tony Jay: amen, except I think you meant “coconut” when you typed “butter beans”

    ETA: my family all likes bananas, which is how I found out my old lab liked them. My parents thought it was hilarious to share their bananas with him when we stayed with them.

  64. 64.

    Raven

    Many fishing boats do not allow bananas. Bad luck!   “Yes, fishermen are a superstitious lot. The fear of bananas on board seems to have its origins in the 1700s, when the Caribbean trade was in full swing. It was believed that boats carrying bananas had to move quickly to deliver the fruits before they spoiled, leaving little to no time for fishermen to troll for fish.

  72. 72.

    Tony Jay

    @Chetan Murthy:

    No, you can’t have them all, because banana bread is delightful and thus is the exception that proves the rule.

    Consistency? Pfft.

    @mrmoshpotato:

    It is late, and yes there has been imbibation, but I’ve hated olives since the first one detonated flat, inedible yackiness in my mouth and nothing has changed since. I have tried (God knows I have tried) but it’s like chewing on a friend’s turd. They can look at you with an expectant “Now do you get it?” expression all they want, it’s still a turd and I don’t want turds on my fucking La Reine pizza.

    Olive oil and tapenade, though, they’re delicious.

    No one has ever made a butter bean edible, though. That’s non-negotiable.

  73. 73.

    JMG

    Unrelated fruit note: My daughter in law grew up in Hawaii and her mom is the concierge for the Hyatt in Maui. She sent us two pineapples for Christmas. Great heavens they’re delicious!!

    PS: Old movie fans. TCM currently showing the 1974 Murder on the Orient Express with Albert Finney, Lauren Bacall, Richard Widmark, Martin Balsam and others.

  75. 75.

    Chetan Murthy

    @M. Bouffant:

    You don’t put them in at least a bag to ripen?

    I like mine so ripe that it’s a near-run thing, whether I eat ’em before they start to rot.  And even if they start to rot, I’ll cut off the rotten bit and eat the rest.  I like my fruit *ripe*.   So putting ’em in a paper bag means I don’t see ’em a few times a day — which is kind of a necessity, when they’re as ripe as I want.

  76. 76.

    Skepticat

    Thanks, I really needed to be told I had a problem in one of the very few areas in which I wasn’t aware I had a problem. Recently had a banana, and when I pulled it from the bunch, it opened itself up at the stem end. But remember, JC used to be a Rethuglican.

    Different ways for different folks, but y’all are weird.

  79. 79.

    Chetan Murthy

    @Chetan Murthy: Typically by the time they’re edible, I need to use scissors to cut the stem away from the bunch.  B/c the skin’s too friable, will give way, and that’ll be true for the other bananas in the bunch, not just the one I wanna consume.

  80. 80.

    Rileys Enabler

    No, no, no. If you open it from that end it puts you in immediate danger of eating the Bananus. And you don’t ever eat the bananus.

    That video of how to “properly” peel the fruit made me scream a little.

  82. 82.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    @Brachiator:

    I remember a long time a go trying plantains at some Spanish Food Day for a Spanish class in HS. I distinctly remember liking them. Wish I could remember the name of the dish

  83. 83.

    West of the Rockies

    So Mediaite says Palin claims to be ready to run for office again…  Christ, Republicans are arrogant and delusional.   Politically, she’s a tub of sour cream found in the back of grocery store fridge dated 5/13/09.

  84. 84.

    Tony Jay

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    …. But I like coconut.

    It’s like people have different mouths or something. That’s it, I have the topic for my debut Vox piece.

    ‘How the growing distain for foods other people who aren’t me quite like spells danger for Biden’s 2022 agenda, and could tar Harris with the Whole Foods Zealot label’

  90. 90.

    Mai Naem mobile

    I’ve always peeled it that way. I figure the holding onto the stem makes it easier to peel.  Also not something I’ve ever given any thought to before. I found the three finger thing more annoying but whatevs.

  92. 92.

    Tony Jay

    @mrmoshpotato:

    Of course it’s a friend’s. Who else would I talk about it with afterwards?

    Stranger-turds are so… transitory.

    You know what, it really is late. 8-/\

  94. 94.

    raven

    My wife just got her negative test results. I didn’t put my vial in the stupid bag and I hope that doesn’t screw mine up. There was a bar code on it so I should be ok.

  96. 96.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    @Tony Jay:

    Been meaning to ask, what’s your opinion on the Lib-Dems? Do you see the political situation in the UK slowly moving in a better direction since it seems opposition voters are uniting behind the best candidate to beat the Tory in some constituencies?

  98. 98.

    StringOnAStick

    Well, the banana as we know it is not long for the world.  The one we eat is the Cavendish and every single banana tree is a clone because they are seedless and don’t cross breed in any way, and a virus is destroying them.  Once it’s in that field, bananas can no longer be grown there.  Attempts to breed something resistant to the virus keep running into the “no GMO’s” wall.  Wild bananas are mostly seed, little to eat.

  99. 99.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka):

    I remember a long time a go trying plantains at some Spanish Food Day for a Spanish class in HS. I distinctly remember liking them. Wish I could remember the name of the dish

    I love plantains because they are two distinct fruits.

    When green, they act like potatoes. Treat them like mashed potatoes and you get a Dominican dish called mangú. I just made a batch for Christmas. Fry them and you get tostones.

    On the other hand, if you let them ripen, really ripen so the skin is turning black, then they’re wonderfully sweet and taste and act like bananas. Fry those and you get maduros, which I made a couple of weeks ago.​

    You can tell if the grocery store knows their plantain customer base, if they sell them in both stages of ripeness.

  101. 101.

    Pittsburgh Mike

    Age 65 here. I’ve never seen anyone open a banana from the flower side until today. Only from the stem side. Which is easy if the banana is even close to ripe.

  103. 103.

    Tony Jay

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka):

    Very briefly, the Lib-Dems punched themselves in the dick after 2010 when they flushed over a decade of “we’re leftier than New Labour on some issues but a safe place for Tory protest votes on others” positioning by becoming the enablers of Austerity. They did it again (from a different angle) in 2019 by becoming a paper-thin personality cult centred around a right-wing leader whose ‘popularity’ was based solely around her being a mouthpiece for the Establishmen’s venomous hatred for Labour’s then leader.

    They once had 50+ seats, they threw them away by being destructive dicks.

    However, the only time Tories lose under our system is when the Lib-Dems give ‘moderate’ Tories a safe place to lodge protest votes (and the Labour Right refrains from sabotaging  the Opposition). If the Lib-Dems can do the former, more power to them, because that needs to happen.

    But since the Labour Right are currently sabotaging the shit out of the Labour vote by declaring an ideological and bureaucratic pogrom on anyone who has ever so much as turned left in a Left Turn Only lane, I don’t think it will achieve much more than a reduction in the Tory majority come Election Day.

  104. 104.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Young Daddy @Toure 5h

    Just saw a tweet saying “Both the vaccinated and the unvaccinated can catch Covid.”

    A doctor responded: “Both Serena Williams and I can play tennis.”

  105. 105.

    James E Powell

    @West of the Rockies:

    So Mediaite says Palin claims to be ready to run for office again…

    No doubt, she needs money.

    What are the chances Alaskans would elect her again? Solid Republican state, but TFG only got 52.8% in 2020, 51.3% in 2016.

  106. 106.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    @raven: My wife just got her negative test results.

    Any jackals have experience with home tests?

    My wife and I are in somewhat different stages of nervousness about participating in the world outside our doors. I am doing so, occasionally sitting for a while in a cafe, going into town, etc. She does not do those things.

    I have tentatively agreed to rejoin the chorus which I haven’t sung with since March 2020. Choral singing got a reputation early in the pandemic for about the most dangerous activity you can do (lots of people in a small space with limited circulation, pushing out high volumes of air).

    So I’m thinking that I may start doing regular Covid rapid testing to reassure both of us. The home kits I’ve googled seem to run $20+ and as they have nasal swabs, I guess you’re supposed to do that thing of sticking the swab WAAAY up the nostril? (I have no first-hand experience, but have heard the description). Is there an alternative?

    In other words, what’s the best way to monitor one’s Covid status on an ongoing basis, accepting some false positives as a tradeoff?

  107. 107.

    Anotherlurker

    @Raven: As a former charter skipper/deckhand, I was schooled on the evils of bananas onboard early on . They are very yummy in your home or anywhere else but are absolute taboo on a fishing boat.

    Kind of like a tongue sandwich on show day. Tongue. Death.

    The story I heard about the origin of the yellow curse is rooted in WWI .  As an anti-submarine measure, the Royal Navy developed the Q-Boat.  The Q-Boat appeared  as an ordinary merchant vessel.  The U-Boats would first surface and stop the suspected cargo carrier, board her and check the manifest . They were looking for prizes or war material.   They would  unload the contraband and then use their deck gun to sink the merchantman.   Torpedos were expensive and best saved for other targets.

    At the surfacing of the U-Boat, the Q-Boat would expose her deck guns and get the jump on the submarine, inflicting heavy damage or a killing blow.

    Often times (or so I’ve heard) the deck cargo was bananas.

    The German Navy got wise to this tactic daily quickly, after suffering some serious losses.   They abandoned the stop and frisk technique and began full stealth mode, torpedoing upon sighting a deckled of bananas.

    True story?   Who knows? It is however, a fun story to tell to charter fishing customers.

  111. 111.

    raven

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: We did them twice over Christmas, both negative for both of us. As I said, she got her PCR/NAAT test result, negative, so they seem consistent.  We were as careful as we could be under the circumstances and it seemed to have worked.

    eta, no deep nasal thing. You spin the Qtip against the wall of each nostril for 15 seconds each, put the tip in the vial and wait 10 minutes. easy peasy

  116. 116.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: We got a bunch of home tests. My daughter ordered them, so unsure on costs. Yes, it is a nasal swab, but you don’t have to jam it all the way up into your brain like in the old days.

  118. 118.

    SFBayAreaGal

    @Benw: My mom would make peanut butter and banana sandwiches and peanut butter and bacon sandwiches for our school lunches for all five us. It was cheap and nutritious. It’s a good thing that all five us liked our sandwiches.

  119. 119.

    CaseyL

    @Chetan Murthy: Those look delicious!  Unfortunately for me, bananas are nearly as big a no-no as regular pancakes (Type II diabetic). Though I might save a few grams of carbs because I shouldn’t need to put anything but butter on them.

  120. 120.

    A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)

    @Spanky: yes, Willie Nelson was going to find a Keno girl who could. I was so naive when I first saw the movie I didn’t realize what he was referring to.

  121. 121.

    Jay

    @Dorothy A. Winsor:

    I like bananas and plantains. In SE Asia, there’s more than one kind, of each. Some taste of honey. Love the fact that most times of the year, most grocery stores here now have many of them.

    And yes, I am a stem opener.

  123. 123.

    p.a.

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: nasal swab $25US, 2 tests per box, antigen test.  You don’t have to stick it up to behind your eyeball.  From what I’ve seen most claim it’s accurate for omicron, but still somequestion about that.  I had the Quidel test.  Neg both days.

  124. 124.

    Benw

    @SFBayAreaGal:

    It’s a good thing that all five us liked our sandwiches.

    It is a great thing! I’ve three kids and getting any two of them to like the same food feels Sisyphean.

  127. 127.

    Kirk Spencer

    (late, sorry)
    So I used to peel from the stem. I did so till about 5 years ago; still do about half the time.

    The thing is that to me, a fully ripe banana’s peel pops open at the stem without any twisting or extra work. It’s easier than the pinch of the bottom, and I’m assured of a fully flavored banana.

    Of course I also know that once it’s ripe I have at most three days – probably two – to eat them or turn them into banana paste for breads, puddings, and the like.

    You’re right, pinching from the bottom (top, not the stem) is easier the rest of the time. I just have to spit out the black thing I usually find at that end of the banana.

  128. 128.

    JaySinWa

    I saw a tweet stream about people getting more accurate results early after exposure from throat swabs than nasal swabs with the rapid onset of omicron. Supposedly early infections are more concentrated in the throat in early infections.

    I didn’t see an answer to whether there were swabs that were approved for this use. I haven’t checked to see if there is any follow up supporting or debunking the claims.

  129. 129.

    West of the Rockies

    @James E Powell:

    Well, realistically, she probably burned through a lot of her “earnings”.  Did she have to pay Todd in the divorce?  I don’t suppose The Masked Singer paid more than 100K, which somehow isn’t much for a character like Sarah.  No more books or network gigs.  The gravy train done congealed.

  130. 130.

    Lifeinthebonusround

    Cole is a national treasure for teaching so many of us about blossom end peeling. Imma going out and gettin me some to practice on.

  131. 131.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @West of the Rockies:

    I don’t suppose The Masked Singer paid more than 100K

    Good lord. Palin did The Masked Singer?

    We had a 3rd rate racist game show host in the Oval Office for four years, so I guess I’ve gotta stop being surprised by this stuff.

  132. 132.

    Ken

    As this xkcd’s title text reminds us,

    The wars between the “OTHER PRIMATES OPEN THEM FROM THE SMALL END” faction versus the “BUT THE LITTLE BIT OF BANANA AT THE SMALL END IS GROSS” faction consumed Europe for generations.

  133. 133.

    Another Scott

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: Others have commented on the rapid home tests – they’re fairly painless and have very detailed descriptions so it’s pretty fool-proof.

    I would be very, very nervous about indoor singing.  It’s still dangerous unless there’s very good ventilation and other sensible precautions, IMO.  I just saw some compilation of Christmas carols from around the world.  One of the groups had singers standing at least 6 feet apart with plexiglass walls between them…

    Good luck!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  134. 134.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @West of the Rockies:

    I don’t suppose The Masked Singer paid more than 100K, which somehow isn’t much for a character like Sarah.  No more books or network gigs.  The gravy train done congealed.

    agents and attorneys, I’m sure she supports most of her progeny

    I wonder if she’s on Cameo

  135. 135.

    SFBayAreaGal

    @Jay: Peanut butter and jelly was and is still a favorite of mine. My mom couldn’t believe I still loved peanut butter and jelly.

  138. 138.

    Anotherlurker

    @raven: I kept my own boat in Cold Spring Harbor, LI, NY.  I didn’t run charters out of there. Purely for my own entrainment.

    I was not a full time skipper or deckie but I grew up as a LI water rat in Oyster Bay, NY.

    I worked as a broadcast audio tech.  Better $$.

    I worked deck on a boats out of Shinecock, LI, NY and  Montauk, LI, NY.  I also was a regular on multi-day offshore trips out of Montauk.  Deep drop trips and Tuna trips.

  139. 139.

    John Revolta

    It is perhaps presumptuous for any one of us to say just what he will or will not do with the remaining days allotted to him, but I think that I may safely predict this: I am off bananas, definitely.

    More in the nature of a whim than anything else (I really don’t need to take off much weight possibly ten or twelve pounds here and there, now that the bathing suit season is coming on), I started last week on what is known as the “banana and skimmed milk diet,” or the Johns Hopkins glide. I am no longer on it, but, even after a three days’ work-out, I swear that if a banana so much as crosses my path, I will shoot it down like a dog.

    As I understood it, you took two bananas and a glass of skimmed milk three times a day for two weeks. Then you bought yourself a white mess-jacket and a wide black sash, and chased Clifton Webb for the concavity prize. That was what I heard.

    I started on a Monday morning with my two bananas and a glass of skimmed milk. To make things harder, I never liked bananas very much, anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey. Here were two bananas. And two more for lunch. And two more for dinner. I began to look upon the skimmed milk as more or less of a cordial……….

    Now, all this time I was none too happy as it was, without outside heckling on the subject. I began cutting my bananas up into cubes for one meal, into diamonds for the next, and finally I mashed them up with the milk into a cocktail shaker and gave myself quite a party. That was the evening of the second day.

    It was on the third day that I decided to call the whole thing off. I got up in the morning and fell down while trying to get into my slippers. As I ate my three-and-a-half-minute bananas, with a dash of Worcestershire on them, and drank my cup of steaming hot skimmed milk (dated), I glanced over the morning paper:
    HULL AND WALLACE ARGUE BANANA BILL WITH REPUBLICANS.

    PAY CUT RESTORED TO BANANA LABOR.

    BANANA KIDNAPERS SURROUNDED IN ARIZONA.

    10,000 BANANAS IN GERMANY DEFY NAZI EDICT.

    Such were the headlines that greeted my eye. I put my paper down. “Juliette,” I called out as loudly as my enfeebled condition would allow, “a plate of ham and eggs, wheat cakes and coffee, with cream! And if you have any of the roast pork left over from last night, put a piece on the plate with the muffins. I want to wrap it up in a banana-skin and take it to the office for my lunch.”

    Robert Benchley

  141. 141.

    James E Powell

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym:

    Binax tests. 2 for $24.

    Nasal swabs. Like the ones I get in school every week. Swish it in each nostril for 15 seconds, then it goes in this little container with liquid. Then you let it sit for a bit. The squeeze a few drops of the liquid onto the thing (don’t know what to call it). Wait a few minutes and you find out.

  142. 142.

    JWR

    Just a note to say that every Chimp, on every TV show I’ve ever seen, when Chimp is given a banana, Chimp takes a small bite at the “wrong” end and peels banana from there. Chimp must be on to something.

  143. 143.

    prostratedragon

    @Chetan Murthy:  Now see,  you start out as one after my own heart  — was going to suggest that Tony can pass any of that on to me — then you veer off into Aunt J– territory with the rotten banana business.  Wouldn’t eat any that weren’t all but liquified.  I’m the opposite,  though if they start to turn brown then I have to wait a week before the pudding.

  145. 145.

    zhena gogolia

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: I see you’ve gotten a lot of answers about the swab. I have to say, I had the supposedly horrible nasal swab in the ER the other night, and it’s no big deal. Close your eyes and breathe deeply and it’s over in a second.

    ETA: But that’s not the kind you get in the home tests. Just saying, the horror of the hospital-grade test has been exaggerated.

  148. 148.

    zhena gogolia

    @mrmoshpotato: Black Sabbath.

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozzy_Osbourne

    In 1981, after signing his first solo career record deal, Osbourne bit the head off a dove during a meeting with CBS Records executives in Los Angeles.[186] Apparently, he had planned to release doves into the air as a sign of peace, but due to being intoxicated at the time, he instead grabbed a dove and bit its head off. He then spat the head out,[186][187] with blood still dripping from his lips. Despite its controversy, the head-biting act has been parodied and alluded to several times throughout his career and is part of what made Osbourne famous.

  150. 150.

    Starboard Tack

    I buy ten bananas at a time, carefully selected for ripeness so 2 are at optimal ripeness each day. If/when a blight destroys the variety, I won’t be happy.

  152. 152.

    John Revolta

    My mother, who is 88 and had COVID a year ago and got through it somehow, has a saying when you try and get her to do something like change her phone plan……..”At my age, I’m not buying any green bananas!”

  154. 154.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    I’m kind of ambivalent about doxxing and it’s variants, but here’s one asshole I’m hoping comes to regret the existence of social media

    Diana B. Henriques @dianabhenriques
    This young man gratuitously mocked me for masking in a crowded outdoor area on a still night in Key West. I told him I take care because my husband has cancer.
    He said, in front of his companions: “Don’t you challenge me, you stupid old woman.”
    I hope they see him with new eyes.

  157. 157.

    Yarrow

    @James E Powell:  From what I’m reading in the UK and other European countries the nasal swabs aren’t picking it up as effectively. People are doing throat swabs as well and those are picking it up. So, nasal swab home test is negative, same sort of test done immediately after but swabbing throat is positive, third test done right after back to nasal swab only is negative. Seeing this result over and over. You might consider doing a throat swab if you feel you could have Covid and symptoms confirm.

    Also saw on the news that the home tests aren’t as effective for Omicron.

  160. 160.

    Steeplejack

    I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

    And I’m hungry for banana bread.

  163. 163.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    Re: bacon and peanut butter. I’ve been seeing chocolate-covered bacon for sale here and there. I’m not tempted. Aside from being a strange combination, it’s generally kept at room temperature, and the idea of weeks old room-temperature bacon just skeeves me out.

    I have had chocolate with salt and with chili, and those are admittedly delicious, so I can sort of theoretically wrap my head around the idea of bacon + sweet. I also know that some donut chains have a bacon doughnut.

    Still not tempted.

  168. 168.

    James E Powell

    @Geminid:

    Magdi Semrau (aka Mangy Jay) is a native Alaskan, and says Palin burned up her personal and political reputation there.

    She also seems to have burned up whatever she had going with the press/media. Remember when she was a star? Now we have plenty of ignorant Republican women who get press/media attention by saying stupid & hateful things. She’s Norma Desmond.

  170. 170.

    James E Powell

    From now on, when I read John Cole’s posts, I am going to hear them in the voice & cadence of Frank Costanza.

  174. 174.

    MisterForkbeard

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: We’ve done quite a few of these.

    You swab each nostril for 15 seconds (not too high up, but it is a tad uncomfortable) and then put the swab in a solution, basically. Wait 15 minutes and check.

    Simple and easy.

  178. 178.

    RaflW

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): Palin’s gotta be pissed. It was haaaaard being governor. That’s why she quit halfway thru.

    But MTG, Boghurt (er, um Boebert) et al make it plain that you can be an utter moron, do zero work, and get paid + great health insurance + super cush pension. And get to tweet and do Fox hits every day.

  179. 179.

    Another Scott

    Meanwhile, …

    Never seen movement that captured a moment the way @NotPoliticians did in Michigan.

    And the result is the possible end of generations of partisan gerrymandering that have left our state with some of the worst roads and most underfunded schools in the nation.

    Worth celebrating. t.co/H4tVzFvcjs— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 30, 2021

    VotersNotPoliticians.com/work

    Things can move forward if people do the work.

    Good, good.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  181. 181.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    @RaflW:

    Wait, Congresscritters get a pension too? Pretty everyone in Congress is a multi-millionaire. What do they need health insurance or a pension for?

  182. 182.

    Chetan Murthy

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): I read once that the kind of person who has some idea of what “enough” (money) is, and actually stops accumulating when they reach that point, is rare in this world.  Very, very rare.  You’d think that congresscritters would have “enough”, but clearly they’re not of that above described class of people.

  183. 183.

    oatler

    George Carlin: “Men, do you find it impossible to watch a woman eating a banana without thinking of a BJ?”

  185. 185.

    Another Scott

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): They’re employees of the federal government.  Why shouldn’t they get health insurance and a pension / retirement benefits if they satisfy the requirements?  Do we only want independently wealthy people running for office?

    ThoughtCo has a summary.

    HTH.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  189. 189.

    danielx

    Checking time stamps – yes, there are still comments on banana peeling technique after five hours. Really have to hand it to Cole: he can turn the most mundane activity controversial. God help us if he ever takes up the how-to-hang-the-toilet paper debate.

  193. 193.

    JWR

    @James E Powell:

    She’s Norma Desmond.

    Lol! “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.” Poor Sarah, she was this far from being a heartbeat away from the big time, but grifter got out grifted my the “new and improved” class of uber-grifters. Sad…

  194. 194.

    Morzer

    So Ghislaine Maxwell has been found guilty and a judge has just opened the way for Trump to be put on trial.

    Not a bad way to end the year.

  197. 197.

    JWR

    O/T, (not banana related), but why do the insurrectionists argue that counting the EC vote isn’t an “official proceeding”? According to the snippet below, it sounds like an official proceeding to me:

    Congress shall be in session on the sixth day of January succeeding every meeting of the electors. The Senate and House of Representatives shall meet in the Hall of the House of Representatives at the hour of 1 o’clock in the afternoon on that day, and the President of the Senate shall be their presiding officer.

  201. 201.

    sab

    This is the old Balloon Juice, before the USA went completely nuts: eight and a half hours on bananas and how to peel them.

    Being a primate of the human variety I peel them at the stem. I know the other primates disagree, but whatever. I like bananas but only if they have just barely turned yellow. Too green are too astringent.  Just yellow they are sweet but tart. Beyond that they are much too sweet and the banana taste becomes cloying. Then they are only useful to flavor breads and pastries.

    I gather the other primates like them too ripe, which is why they peel them from the other end.

  203. 203.

    Nancy

    @Spanky:

    It was indeed. The best line in the movie, though the statement about the person capable of performing the act would be racist by current standards.

    Apparently in my mind it’s OK because Willie. Also probably true to the character, so instructive.

  204. 204.

    Nancy

    @Chetan Murthy:

    I’m trying this because I had to test the banana peeling methods and had fresh peeled bananas. Tasting good, working on add-ins and texture. Thanks for sharing.

  205. 205.

    villieageidiocy

    Your botany factoid of the day –

    Grocery store bananas are like corn or wheat or sheep, they are a products of hundreds, if not thousands, of years of human breeding. Ever notice those tiny black specks? Those are the sterile remnants of what would have been seeds. The wild relatives of our cultivated bananas have these huge black seeds surrounded by sticky sweet pulp. A big chomp of one of those and you might break a tooth. The wild species, Musa acuminata and M. balbisiana, originate in Asia, and there are lots of really tasty cultivated sweet and starchy varieties all over the world (Melanesia has a butt-load). Us boring USAnians stick with the Cavendish, mostly. That large, bright yellow variety is currently in danger of being wiped out due to a fungus (or virus? too lazy to look up) due to monoculture. Enjoy it while you can!

  207. 207.

    Blake Himsl Hunter

    My son learned how to peel a banana the way you are describing in daycare, and that is how we have been doing ever since.

  208. 208.

    J R in WV

    @Viva BrisVegas: ​

    I hate bananas.

    @schrodingers_cat: ​
     

    @Viva BrisVegas: Me too. I am allergic.

    Being allergic isn’t the same as not liking something. But bananas are so good in their place that I has a sad for you!

    French vanilla ice cream with pecans and chocolate syrup… yummm.

    Belgian waffles with bananas and maple syrup… yumm.

    There are so many more. I never did work up a love relationship with banana cream pie, tho… not enough there there, IYKWIM, AITUD…

    Also, Cole, I’ve never peeled a banana from the bottom, ever. No one I know has ever done that. Until now, you have… I have to think about this some more. Next year I’ll have a decision for you. Maybe

  209. 209.

    Lyrebird

    @Tony Jay:  That’s it, I have the topic for my debut Vox piece…

    Day-um, Sir Tony Jay, you and Doug J of NYT Pitchbot fame are rare talents!  That was right on target.

  210. 210.

    Wandering Logic

    @John Cole, Thanks for this post. Not only have I learned something new that is already useful in my daily life, but it made me feel a little humble. I’ve probably opened more than 10,000 bananas the “wrong” way in my life, and never once did it occur to me to try opening from the other end. You’ve reminded me to look out for the unexpected in the mundane. Thanks again!

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