Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

When I was faster i was always behind.

“Facilitate” is an active verb, not a weasel word.

People identifying as christian while ignoring christ and his teachings is a strange thing indeed.

You know he’s going to shit a cat.

White supremacy is terrorism.

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

“A king is only a king if we bow down.” – Rev. William Barber

“woke” is the new caravan.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Keep the Immigrants and deport the fascists!

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

If America since Jan 2025 hasn’t broken your heart, you haven’t loved her enough.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

Innocent people do not delay justice.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

It is not hopeless, and we are not helpless.

Text STOP to opt out of updates on war plans.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

I would try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Not Enough Egg Nog In the World

Not Enough Egg Nog In the World

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So Ellie and Boghan and Huck came over, and Ellie promptly shit on my bedroom floor. My new Bissel Spot Bot is already ready to commit seppiku. Then Boghan decided to get all adventurous with Tunch, and Tunch promptly bled him, cutting him in the eye. All the while, Rosie was being grouchy and snarling at all the people. Lily, of course, was a perfect angel.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Reader Interactions

85Comments

  2. 2.

    Jim, Once

    And here, it just keeps snowing and snowing and … they predicted three inches, and so far, nine. I just want to see my grandbabies tomorrow, but doesn’t look like it will happen

  3. 3.

    greennotGreen

    I refuse to feel sorry for John in any way. To relieve another rescuer for the holidays, I am hosting *seventeen* dogs for a week. Of course, since I’ve had a lot of pets for awhile, I don’t have carpet, and I keep a mop and a bucket of bleach water on hand at all times.

    May your holidays be bright and relatively spot-free!

  6. 6.

    SIA

    I am hosting seventeen dogs

    Oh.My.God. My hat’s off to you sir/madam.

    Then Boghan decided to get all adventurous with Tunch, and Tunch promptly bled him, cutting him in the eye.

    Fun times at John Cole’s.

  11. 11.

    Jim, Once

    @JimK:

    It’s the Hollandaise. I can’t say anything nasty – but I want to. My niece lives approximately there – (above Nederland) and has told me the same thing.

  12. 12.

    Annie

    Happy Holidays to everyone. And, especially Tunch, who even when outnumbered stood his ground and showed who is boss. Gotten love that guy! (hope Boghan is ok…:)

  15. 15.

    tkogrumpy

    If you had mentioned biting a toddler in the face, I would have heard all the reasons I don’t keep pets.

  16. 16.

    stuckinred

    Just logged my email on to find out a great friend died this morning. He was an 18 year old USMC machine gunner in Vietnam 68-69. Tremendously spirited man with a great sense of humor and deep compassion. Semper Fi brother Hoppy.

  17. 17.

    Jewish Steel

    Spencer, my foster, bumped a bush in the backyard and 5 inches of snow tumbled down on him. He gives me an accusatory look. Perfect end to an excellent day all around.

  18. 18.

    General Stuck

    Yuletides and lots of mistletoe and Merry Christmas to all Balloon Juicers and especially all their furry critters that let us lonely souls know about unconditional love. Not to mention, also too, the bundles of human ankle biters that get that job done as well.

    Peace on earth, for a while.

  23. 23.

    stuckinred

    @mr. whipple: Thanks. One great thing was that he didn’t die in the VA hospital, he really hated it there. If you believe in anything you probably believe he’s in a better place. He served his time in hell as they say. . .

  26. 26.

    Jim, Once

    @JimK:
    I shouldn’t complain – it really is beautiful beyond belief. It even drove me to my little copy of Dylan Thomas’s” A Child’s Christmas in Wales.”:

    I can never remember if whether it snowed for six days and six nights when I was twelve or whether it snowed for twelve days and twelve nights when I was six…”

  27. 27.

    Keith G

    My two kitties, Izzy and Meredith, are quite happy that there are no manger-like congregations of critters ’round here. They are in bed ready for yet another winter’s nap.

    Peace to all.

  28. 28.

    Anonymous At Work

    John,
    I would advise changing the blog post to be start with “There’s not enough *spiked* egg nog”…

  29. 29.

    Walker

    I can challenge you. Tonight I discovered that I have a naked wire in the basement that has totally shorted out the circuit that contains my refrigerator and my oven. I have shut down the circuit and used an extension cord on the fridge. However, the oven is out.

    It looks like I will be using charcoal and the smoker to make Christmas dinner tomorrow. In the snow.

  30. 30.

    Karen in GA

    Mr. KinGA and I have had cats almost all of the 12 years we’ve lived together. Every year he wraps the presents and puts together the gift bags a week in before Christmas and puts them in front of the tree. Every year I tell him it’s a bad idea. Every year he tells me it’ll be fine. Every year the cats prove him very, very wrong.

    @stuckinred: I’m so sorry. My condolences.

  33. 33.

    FoxinSocks

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays all!

    My foster cat, Chip, through a series of events that only a feline could manage, got trapped below the floorboards and started to panic. Thought I was going to have to tear the hardwood floors up to get to him. Desperate to lure him out, I grabbed the first food I could get my hands on, which happened to be fresh baked oatmeal raisin cookies, put it to a vent, and Chip climbed right out.

    So the lesson is…oatmeal raisin cookies save the day. Also, don’t let Chip the Foster Cat near any opening, no matter how tiny it may be.

  36. 36.

    Chuck Butcher

    I have a brand new baby coming home tonight, born to 1 1/2yr old grandson’s mother Wednesday. They have been and will be living with us for the time being.
    I guess I’m ready for this … I guess.

  43. 43.

    cbear

    Merry Christmas John-Boy.

    Thanks for giving me/us a place to go all year. And thanks especially for everything you do for all the little “animules”, yours and the less fortunate.

  44. 44.

    stuckinred

    @AnotherBruce: I last saw him 5 years ago. He had surgery about 6 months before and he said when he met with the doc he asked “If you go under do you want us to resuscitate?” Hop said, “Fuckin A, that’s what I’m here for”! Apparently he and the VA didn’t see eye to eye.

  46. 46.

    Jim, Once

    @Chuck Butcher:

    I did understand the complicated aspects of this – at least as much as your first statement could explain. I hope, though, that precisely because of the circumstances, you can be a friend to the child. I had the wonderful experience of being such a friend, and even though he loves me (“Mommy, do you understand that I love her as much as I love you?”) , I recognize that it will not last . . . and I do. not. care. It has been the most wonderful experience.

  49. 49.

    kdaug

    Man, Cole, you need to get a better class of friends. Mine may spill a beer or take all my money at poker, but they don’t generally get “frisky” with my dog.

    I mean, that’s just rude.

  50. 50.

    JPL

    Xmas eve I have entertained the same family for decades and ofter several others might join us. Tonight I had 20 for dinner and I’m hoping to stay awake long enough to empty the dishwasher and reload it again. Merry Christmas to all. I’ve been puppy sitting for a few weeks and the good news is that my son gave her to his SO tonight so Miss Moxie and I can once again sleep. Nothing like training a puppy while preparing a buffet.

    @stuckinred: That sucks! I’m so sorry.

  54. 54.

    Chuck Butcher

    @Jim, Once: I’ll be as much to the new girl as can be, that’s for sure. Not real big on another screaming newborn this soon and this far after my own. Grandson thinks “Poppa” is the greatest, he’ll figure that one out one day but for now it’s charming. Not being “Dad” has its benefits. Momma and Grammy yell at him quite a bit, on the odd occassion I speak sharply he lies down to cry. Heroes…for awhile.

    Merry Christmas to all,
    especially you, Stuck

  55. 55.

    Walker

    @stuckinred:

    You have a 110 and 220 on the same circuit?

    The oven is a gas oven, but it uses electricity to control the oven temperatures. So I can run the top burners without power, but not the oven proper. Anyway, this means it runs on the same power draw as the fridge. Theoretically, I could unplug the oven and plug it into another outlet and it would be fine. Except that I cannot move the oven to get to the plug.

    As for the nuker, Christmas dinner is a standing rib roast. So them nuker is not going to work.

  57. 57.

    JCJ

    @stuckinred:
    Condolences. I am always saddened to hear about bad experiences at VA’s. When I was in my residency training I always looked forward to working at the Indianapolis VA. My attending demanded of us that we see patients promptly according to schedule. Other clinics got mad at us since they would give patients an appointment time of 8 or 9 am then see them throughout the day. Patients would skip appointments in those clinics and come to ours since we gave them actual appointment times. It wasn’t hard to do. It has been nearly 18 years since I worked in a VA but I now have patients who also go to the local VA (Milwaukee) and most seem fairly satisfied so I hope things are improving.

  59. 59.

    asiangrrlMN

    Cole, I hope Boghan is fine. Otherwise, YAY for Tunchie standing his ground!

    @stuckinred: I’m so sorry to hear that, stuck. My condolences to you on the loss of your friend.

    I have my cats snoozing besides me (one in MY chair, the little shit), and I’m about to eat lunch. I have many feet of snow outside, and I have a heater that works. Peace and joy to all this holiday season.

  60. 60.

    different church-lady

    John, there’s one hard and fast rule for both children and pets: never let them outnumber you.

  61. 61.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Dawgs don’t really die, they just go to Hell to regroup. Hoppy is doing recon for the later arrivals. That’s how the Dawg tells me he deals with losing a comrade. I like the story.

    I iz having slight keyboard fail tonight. But I did find a temporary solution to the power cord brain fart.

  63. 63.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Oh I just have to plug it in and let it charge while I’m over there and that’s about it. I got kinda lucky they have basically the same laptop I do.

    Gots all the presents tonight, including the one thing I really wanted and needed (a food processor). And my brother LOVED the watch I gave him. I just need to get Mom and Dad’s presents to them and life is schweet.

  64. 64.

    tams

    merry christmas cole. we loves you! i’m emailing you a picture for your bloggers of sam asleep waiting for santa! merry christmas, juicers!

  66. 66.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Close. Enchiladas. Old family tradition going back beyond recorded memory. The big twist now is we get both beef and chicken. And other than showing off the rental car to my mom and SIL I really don’t have very much to do tomorrow. So maybe Chinese for lunch. Gotta keep at least SOME Jewish traditions alive. :)

  68. 68.

    JohnR

    @Uloborus:

    You joke, but Widows actually make good pets, if a little short-lived. The babies can be a pain when they get out of the terrarium, but they’re so cute when they’re little! All mahogany-colored, with swirly stripes and spots. Also, if you put up “Beware of spiders!” signs (and the neighborhood knows you mean it), you’ve got a pretty good anti-burglary situation.
    Anyway, wrapping’s now done, off to the family madhouse tomorrow and then the Delmarva beaches (yay!). Hope everyone has a happy time this end of the year, and a better New Year.

  69. 69.

    suzanne

    @stuckinred: I’m very sorry for your loss. Too damn young. If there is something waiting for all of us in the Great Beyond, I’m sure it’s better than here.

    My house is also in a bit of chaos. The new baby is an absolute joy, and the new kitten is a lot of fun. And my mother-in-law is… here. (If she wanted to go home tomorrow, I’d be thrilled to drive her to the airport…)

    Anyway, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. :)

  70. 70.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: It is very very foggy here right now. I kinda like it.

    I’m pretty sure there will be Chinese tomorrow. It won’t be too hard to talk my brothers into that. Plus I’m kinda craving it now.

    @suzanne: Mele Kalikimaka!

  72. 72.

    Joseph Nobles

    Just had some Christmas tamales. My landlord runs a boutique hospital cafeteria, and one of his workers does Christmas tamales with her whole family. We just heat and eat here. Yum, yum.

    Also, add “The Thin Man” to your list of unsuspected Christmas movies. The mystery’s a bit dated but Powell and Loy still crackle.

  75. 75.

    Sectarian

    Well. Merry Xmas, everyone.
    And Saturnalia, Yule, etc..
    Good luck, karma, success, and peace to everyone for the coming year.

  76. 76.

    SectarianSofa

    Well. Merry ‘mas, everyone.
    And Saturnalia, Yule, etc..
    Good luck, karma, success, and peace to everyone for the coming year.

  77. 77.

    SectarianSofa

    Is it normal for Santa to take a crap in the fireplace?
    (I suppose it might have been the cats — Santa’s cookies were a little rich for them? In fairness, the crap was only near the fireplace.)
    I’m supposed to be wrapping presents for the lady, but I’m listening to music and procrastinating.
    Also drinking. Hooray!
    The Shiner ‘holiday cheer’ beer is not bad. Very good effort — not too fussy or gratuitously overspiced. ‘course my expectations weren’t as high as would be for Anchor Brewing, etc..
    Yay, the holidays.
    What’s an agnostic supposed to tell the kids about Santa Claus, anway? I don’t like ascribing things to a mysterious god, but it’s perfectly fine to claim that the jolly fat man is driving around in his sky chariot dispensing material riches, because of, Magic?
    Well, happy festivus, at least.

  79. 79.

    JenJen

    Damn! We had dog drama, too. Mom’s dog Sailor scrapped with my niece’s little dog Lexie (over an errant piece of smoked turkey), and after the dogs were separated and the freak-out was over, we noticed Lexie had started bleeding from her eye. Sister, niece and husband ran her to the emergency vet right in the middle of Christmas Eve.

    Cost $240 and Lexie is fine, it’s just a cut in the lower eyelid, so thank goodness for that. Still, good times!

    Also, one of my cousin’s bratty kids played with the spigot that was holding my Mom’s delicious wassail, and she walked away leaving wassail (and a hot mess) just flowing everywhere. That was fun.

    And to top off the evening, I lost the Long Island Shake-Off Challenge (we just invented it this year) to my niece’s husband. He pours way too heavy, and mine have a much better balance throughout the drink. It was 5-4, but seriously, that is some bullshit right there. I’m humiliated.

    Christmas is weird sometimes.

  80. 80.

    JenJen

    @stuckinred: Wow, stuck, just getting through the whole thread and I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. Don’t really know what to say, other than memory eternal. I lift a glass to your buddy.

  81. 81.

    Lysana

    My condolences to you as well, Stuck.

    Things are quiet enough here, but that’s usual when it’s the two of us. No plans for tomorrow but relaxation and goose consumption.

    Merry Christmas, or as merry as it can be.

  85. 85.

    Liberty60

    The post was a lot funnier before I realized that Ellie, Huck and Boghan were pets, not John’s relatives.

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