If the whole “Peace on Earth, goodwill to most” atmosphere is starting to grate on your hard little cinder of a heart, here’s an antidote from Wonkette:
Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like the exciting news that 20-year-old Bristol Palin — known for getting pregnant as a teenager and not knowing how to dance at all — has bought a house! Hooray, Bristol! Times are tough for everyone, but somehow she scraped up $172,000 from under Sarah’s burrito wrappers on the couch and now Bristol is the proud (?) owner of some utterly random foreclosed tract house in some abandoned Arizona exurb. We cannot even begin to make sense of this…
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Remember, this is Maricopa, Arizona. This is not a resort area. This is not Scottsdale or Sedona. This is the flat, awful, very far edge of the Phoenix sprawl. The two-lane highway that doubles as Maricopa’s “Main Street” is lined with the decrepit shacks of cotton pickers and lonesome old people waiting to die…
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Beyond this tragic strip of cracked blacktop, there are a handful of vulgar tract home developments — mostly abandoned now, a grim enough situation that ABC’s Nightline program did a special report on Maricopa and called it the “poster child of the housing crisis.”
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Wonkette operative “Steve M.” suggests there’s something more to Bristol’s WTF home purchase than her congenital need for a shoddily constructed exurban stucco travesty she can fill it up with babies and unused Bow Flex machines just like back home in Wasilla. He says this means she has political ambitions, beyond all her other obvious talents such as being able to get pregnant without a condom…
Click the link for the awful celebu-political possibilities, not to mention a Googleview map of the new Palin snowbird compound. The wealth of snark at both Wonkette and the original Arizona Republic squib should make your politicially-paleolithic inlaws and spoilt screaming larval relatives just a little bit easier to bear.
The Dangerman
What’s the age limit on running for Congress? Tumbleweedville, Arizona might be just the place to represent.
Andy K
It might not be as cold or wet as Wasilla, but it looks as if there might be a good meth lab or two in town. That should make Bristol feel right at home.
Mumphrey
So we’re never going to be rid of this wretched family. They’ll be stalking us for years, worming their way into office or spouting off on television, dropping their turds of wisdom into the laps of Fox watchers. And don’t forget, since Bristol Palin has a child, we’re guaranteed yet another generation of this loser family polluting our politics in 30 years or so.
Thank you John McCain, for foisting this plague upon our country.
Left Coast Tom
So she’s a knife-catcher, eh? Good luck with that.
Maude
This cheers me up.
The Palins are the skeletons in America’s closet.
Played around a bit with Flight Gear. A free flight simulator.
Learned how to brake and haven’t crashed the little C172c yet.
I haven’t taken off yet. Still getting the hang of the mouse and keyboard controls.
At some point I’m going to fly the Boeing 777.
different church-lady
My night was going just fine without knowing any of that.
General Stuck
The Palin’s are gonna be disappointed at the lack of good Moose hunting in Maricopa. No wolves to shoot from helicopters either, though there are plenty of Mexicans.
Citizen Alan
God, it’s like Paris freakin’ Hilton, except Paris Hilton is capable of acting classy but just can’t be bothered to.
D-Chance.
Hawaii is lighting up the scoreboard with touchdown passes. Too bad the receivers are Tulsa defensive backs… although I have the over 73.5 and Tulsa +10, so I’m actually loving it.
Davis X. Machina
While AZ did add two seats, for the House, the age is 25. Unless there’s a plan to have her serve in Phoenix for a term or two first. We know the premium the clan puts on prior experience in office.
The Dangerman
After further review, nothing says “they are one of us” like buying a 5 bedroom house for cash. You betcha.
alwhite
*SIGH* I had so hoped we could get through the coming year without hearing about every frigging member of that grifter family. But I’m afraid those above that seem to think we are stuck with having to hear about every crappy thing this craptastic clan does.
General Stuck
@Davis X. Machina:
I think it’s getting elected to mayor a small town and destroy it in less than a year.
Uloborus
I’m betting this is some kind of money scam. Bear in mind, Sarah is the ULTIMATE narcissistic grifter. She’s The Great Brain without the brains. Whatever brilliant-seeming opportunity for profit floats past her, she’ll grab. So right now she’s laundering, hiding money from the IRS, finding ways to push it onto her kids so that she can claim it’s theirs when it’s really hers, investing it in truly phenomenally stupid ways, and most likely spending it like water.
In fact, I think THIS will be the fun part. If the media can stay interested in her long enough, she’ll be caught doing all kinds of ridiculous things with her money.
hg
Whats the age limit for serving as a State rep in Arizona? Doesnt seem like its mentioned anywhere…
Evil Parallel Universe
It is the middle of nowhere; It is beyond the sprawl of Phoenix. When I was last there, and this was during the boom, there were still enough cattle stations that most of the town had a distinct malodor if the wind blew the wrong way.
Surprisingly, they have/had a good bagel shop, or used to. Which could be why she chose the town – tough to get good bagels out West.
SiubhanDuinne
“Bagel” would be a good name for her next kid.
Jewish Steel
I used to live in Phx. Ain’t no hardscrabble like Southwest hardscrabble.
Uloborus
Actually… even I may be looking at this too deeply.
‘Whatcha want for Christmas, Bristol? A house? No problem. You can pay CASH! I’ll give you the money!’
If this sounds like the thought process of someone who’s not very bright, full of herself, and is not going to be rich for very long…
4thelulz
Bristol’s got political ambitions; she’s establishing residence to run for President of Aztlan.
Cacti
The description of Maricopa is spot on. It’s a speck on the map about 30 miles from anything in any direction, that somebody thought would be a great place to start putting up cookie cutter subdivisions.
Ross Hershberger
Yeah, they’re up to something. Conned Grampa Crankypants into turning the family Senate seat over?
Why else buy a crummy house far from home that nobody wants to live in.
Jewish Steel
@SiubhanDuinne:
Hee hee! Good one.
Ross Hershberger
The Palins have turned into a wacky side show in our country’s politics. Someone here mentioned the Gabor sisters a while ago. I think that’s an apt comparison. Sarah’s TV show could be her Green Acres.
valdivia
Can someone explain to me the Oprah quote that said anyone watching her reality show would fall in love with Palin? LOL-Wut??
Oprah did say she trusted the intelligence of the American people not to elect her president but then I don’t get the other part. Please explain I haz a confused.
General Stuck
@valdivia:
I think Oprah was admiring Sarah’s celebrity fu.
valdivia
@General Stuck:
Since I never watched her show (Oprah’s) I have no way of judging if she was just being nice about Palin’s celebrity while dinging at the rest of her persona. What you say makes me think now that this is what it was–say one nice thing, while pushing in the knife.
Thanks. That helped.
Southern Beale
I wondered if she was joining forces with Sheriff Joe Arpaio. I mean really, why Maricopa?
kdaug
Just back from the True Grit remake. Better than the original movie, and funny as snake-snot (read: low, cruel, and not messing around). It ain’t a story of redemption. It’s a story of the wages of revenge. Much closer to the book.
Highly recommended.
BeccaM
People tend to gravitate towards the familiar, finding it comforting.
Trashy is as trashy does. Hey, I think I just named her 2nd kid.
MikeJ
For the Pirates fans, MLB Network has an early xmas prezzy. 9th inning about to start of game 7 of the 1960 World Series.
PurpleGirl
@Southern Beale: Arpaio’s in Maricopa County. This “city” is in Pinal County according to the article in the Arizona Republic. Maricopa County has some of the resort destinations (like Litchfield Park) and Phoenix within its borders.
I have no idea why they’d pick this piece of desert hardscrable to buy. Gotta be something with the financing, cash or not.
Dennis SGMM
I think that Bristol Palin should have a five bedroom home. After all, she’s worked hard all of her life for it.
Andy K
@MikeJ:
I’ll take the Yanks.
RosiesDad
Now they can see Russia from one house and Mexico from the other.
Perfect.
Also, what could be better for Bristol Palin than a tract home on in the flat, hot, desolate Phoenix exurbs? Except maybe a rusty, double-wide trailer in the flat, hot, desolate Phoenix exurbs.
Hope she knows to watch out for coyotes…
That's Master of Accountancy to You, Pal
@Andy K: Make sure you get some runs.
Anya
The Palins are the trashy Kennedys, we will never see America without them.
AnotherBruce
@Davis X. Machina:
Jesus, I’ll never know why so many people want to live in that bleak, hideous desert. Old people can easily die of heat prostration too right?
AnotherBruce
@BeccaM:
Forest Dump?
Glinda
Perhaps she moved to Arizona since she is hoping to be John McCain’s third wife.
Just an idle conjecture …
SiubhanDuinne
I’ve totally lost track (not Track, which I think is the name of one of her brothers) — or more likely, I never cared enough in the first place to pay a lot of attention — but is Bristol back with Levi, or did they break up again, or are they going to live together in AZ, or is she living with/married to/engaged to someone else, WHAT?
Sheesh ::stalks off muttering and shaking head:: I get so confused.
Andy K
@That’s Master of Accountancy to You, Pal:
Nah…They’ve got it in the bag.
Elisabeth
@SiubhanDuinne:
I’m embarrassed that I know this, blame it on channel surfing, but Levi is now with someone vaguely famous.
Track, fwiw, might be the sanest (only sane?) member of the family; he’s apparently not a Republican.
Elisabeth
@Elisabeth:
hunh ~ don’t know why I thought she was vaguely famous:
via Us News
Apparently, per TMZ, she’s had legal trouble, too. Imagine that.
de stijl
@Ross Hershberger:
To get far, far away from mommy dearest?
Jay in Oregon
@SiubhanDuinne:
The scary thing is, I have a niece who’s about the right age to be romantically involved with Levi Johnston.
And she lives in Wasilla.
And she’s getting divorced and has a kid…
…great, now I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.
Jay in Oregon
@de stijl:
True story: when I was growing up in Alaska, my next door neighbor was Richard Rusk, son of former Secretary of State Dean Rusk.
In a As I Saw It, a book that Richard and Dean Rusk co-wrote, Richard explained his decision to move to Alaska as wanting to get as far away from Washington, D.C. as he could while retaining his U.S. citizenship.
de stijl
@Jay in Oregon:
Guam has nicer weather.
Peter J
Alaska won’t capsize.
Peter J
If you have a 5 bedroom house, how much meth would you be able to produce? How long would it take until you would be able to repay a 172k loan from a parent?
Just asking.
de stijl
@Peter J:
Well played!
de stijl
@Peter J:
Don’t ask me. I suck at word problems.
Twenty pounds of methamphetamine precursors leave Wasilla, AK at 50 miles per hour…
Yutsano
Heh. I’d bet $50 she never sets foot in the actual house. It’s just a trophy acquisition to increase her supposed social standing. And to get Sarah’s money out of sight of the government. There’s a division of the IRS that loves to unfold these little shell games rich folks play. And when they get involved in the game, they play rough.
TooManyJens
@Peter J: Don’t ask me, I’ve got gastritis.
The Bobs
So basically, she is moving into the place occupied by Hy and Ed in Raising Arizona.
Nemo_N
I can hear her already: “Why can’t all those mexicans, like, stop having babies”.
I no one will bat an eye.
tfitzaz
Yes, Maricopa is pretty much the pits. I live here in Phoenix. The only redeeming quality is that Maricopa is the only place where you can actually get the Amtrak train out of here, since Phoenix dumped the Amtrak station in downtown. Given the stranglehold by dimwitted, underpaid, right wing Republican legislature here, our crackpot Senators (Kyl and McCain), our dim witted Governor, and being at the top in foreclosures and the bottom in K-12 education, this won’t be changing anytime soon, unfortunately. I would love to go to downtown Phoenix, the 5th largest in the county (!) and hop a train to LA or New Orleans.
From the Arizona Rail Passenger’s Association
“# As of early 2006: Amtrak serves the Maricopa depot, thirty miles south of downtown Phoenix, three times a week with the combined Sunset Limited / Texas Eagle. There is no Amtrak connecting bus service from metro Phoenix; there is no secured parking; Maricopa does not have scheduled bus service. White’s Shuttle 520/568-4404 provides a limousine service between metro Phoenix points and the Maricopa depot.
# Late 2001: Amtrak closes Phoenix Union Station, replace with Maricopa depot. There is no connecting bus from Phoenix, no city bus service, and no secure parking.
celiadexter
C’mon, give her a break. She’s still a kid and probably wants to get as far away from Mom, Levi and Wasilla as is humanly possible while still being in a not-completely-culturally-alien environment — maybe even get some well-deserved anonymity. She didn’t ask for what happened to her in the last couple of years — Mom and McCain foisted it on her. Child abuse, if you ask me. Now leave her alone. No more press. No more nothing.
Capri
@Yutsano:
When Shawn Johnson was on Dancing with the Stars her contract was made public. It was because she was under 18, although how those two dots are connected I’m not sure. At any rate, she got a boatload of money, and IIRC, it was structured in such a way that the longer she stayed on the show the more she received. It was well over $100,000.
This is probably Bristol’s DWTS money. Here’s this low information single-mother who was a receptionist for a dermatologist in Alaska. All of a sudden she gets a big windfall. Investing it isn’t how she rolls, it’s hers to spend. So she plunks it down to buy a “dream house” in a place that is a lot warmer than Alaska, suitably wingnut, and off the beaten track so that she can have a low profile if she wants to.
This is what you end up with.
JMC_in_the_ATL
@Capri: I was thinking the same thing – that this is probably being funded through her DWTS money.
PurpleGirl
@Glinda: Nah, McCain isn’t that rich on his own. Cindy has the real the money in that family.
wazmo
OK, million dollar question: is this shack paid for in full or is there a mortgage on it? If there’s a mortgage, who’s name is it in?
RandyH
When I lived in Phoenix (during the boom) I went out to visit some people in Maricopa one day. They lived in a community of Mc Mansions which were very nice homes. But since their local government is all Glibertarian crooks that take huge kickbacks from developers, they did not require the developers to put in nice streets with gutters, storm drains or sidewalks in their subdivisions. Also, too, they didn’t require that the developers pay into a school building fund for each massive family home that they built, either. Oh and the local government has no money for any of this because no one believes in paying taxes there, so they just go without these necessities while undergoing some of the fastest growth in the nation. And then the bubble burst.
I guess they thought they’d just make it up in volume, you know. It’s that New Math that the rest of us just can’t understand.
wazmo
@wazmo:
Wow: $172,000 in cash.
j
Could this be why Sheriff Joe was loading up his tent cities of ‘alleged criminals’?
A dirty little secret of the census is that prisoners are counted as citizens in the town and county for purposes of distributing community grants, (i.e., MY northern citizen’s tax money, since both AK and AZ are debtor states). The more prisoners, the more money the town and county gets.
Sheriff Joe was floating a trial balloon for either the governor’s seat, or the senate, that’s what made Jan Brewer go even more wingnuttier than she usually is.
He’s even floated the possibility of running for president in 2012, against Caribou Barbie in the primaries.
I can hardly wait for a Sheriff Joe versus Priscilla from Wasilla primary for a House seat… AND running against her mother for the GOP nomination at the same time.
Or maybe the “Hoofin’ with the Heiffer” 3rd runner up will run for Sheriff herself. After all, Sheriff Joe may very well find his own fat ass in one of his cages pretty soon.
Dr. Psycho
@SiubhanDuinne: “Bagel” would be a good name for her next kid.
Yes, but the family explains that it is pronounced to rhyme with “eagle”.
hilzoy
I used to live in Arizona. Heck, I once wrote a travel guide to Arizona. And I can’t think of any reasons, any at all, for buying a house there, other than sentimental ones like having grown up there.
I mean: I used to be puzzled by a lot of things, like why someone would decide, on purpose, to become a dental hygienist. But I understand that now. I’ve figured out a lot of that stuff. But why, given the entire planet to choose from, anyone would voluntarily decide to live on that street in that town is completely beyond me.
DMD
@Elisabeth: Actually, if the show is any indication, the nine-year old (Piper?) realizes what a loon her mother is. She’ll be alright.