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Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Welcome to day five of every-bit-as-bad-as-you-thought-it-would-be.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

I’m more christian than these people and i’m an atheist.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

We will not go quietly into the night; we will not vanish without a fight.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Beware of advice from anyone for whom Democrats are “they” and not “we.”

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

Republicans firmly believe having an abortion is a very personal, very private decision between a woman and J.D. Vance.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Democracy cannot function without a free press.

When I was faster i was always behind.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

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Assholes

You are here: Home / Archives for Assholes

Ugliest American (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  January 21, 202611:33 am| 89 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Politics, Assholes, Clown Shoes, General Stupidity

I watched about 90 seconds of Trump’s Davos speech before his whiny voice and embarrassing, self-referential rambling became too much to bear. He’s a demented fool, and puffins better watch out.

Trump is now confusing Greenland and Iceland: “They’re not there for us on Iceland, that I can tell you. Our stock market took the first dip yesterday because of Iceland. So Iceland has already cost us a lot of money.”

[image or embed]

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) January 21, 2026 at 9:20 AM

Piggy really does deserve a prize, maybe a medal in the shape of a pig’s snout hammered from a petrified dinosaur turd to commemorate his status as the most repulsive human being this country ever produced. And this country produced some fucking doozies, let me tell you.

Trump: “The situation in Minnesota reminds us that the west cannot mass import foreign cultures which have failed to ever build a successful society of their own. We’re taking people from Somalia and Somalia is a failed — it’s not a nation. Got no government, got no nothing.”

[image or embed]

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) January 21, 2026 at 9:50 AM

The speech included some rambling Nazi shit that pops up so frequently on the domestic front that most of our news organizations don’t even bother to remark on it.

Trump: “Somalia — they turned out to be higher IQ than we thought. I always say, ‘These are low IQ people.’ How did they go into Minnesota and steal all that money?”

[image or embed]

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) January 21, 2026 at 9:48 AM

The big takeaway from the media seems to be that Trump promised not to take Greenland by force. Or was it Iceland? Anyway, since he always keeps his word, we can rest easier now.

***

In other news, as I mentioned in an earlier thread, JD Vance is taking a road trip:

Broyhillbilly to visit Minnesota, says NBC News:

Vice President JD Vance will visit Minnesota on Thursday, a person familiar with the plans told NBC News, underscoring the White House’s increased focus on the state.

The trip, which will include remarks in Minneapolis and a roundtable discussion with local leaders and members of the community, comes amid escalating political tensions over the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement presence there.

I assume they’ll keep him in a safe MAGA bubble so he can yap about welfare fraud and avoid getting pelted with frozen dogshit.

On a subsequent trip to a grocery store, I listened to an episode of the Josh Marshall podcast in which Marshall and TPM reporter Kate Riga discussed ICE’s ongoing assault on the Twin Cities. They theorized that Trump’s goons are trying to provoke a reaction from the population they are brutalizing that will give Trump an excuse to invoke the Insurrection Act, which he’s been itching to do for years.

That got me thinking: Maybe the Trump people are dispatching Vance to Minnesota as “insurrection” bait? First they send in violent thugs to occupy an American city, and the ordinary people in that city are brave and determined. They protect their neighbors. They don’t launch an all-out assault on the goons who are attacking them.

It’s not going well for the regime PR-wise since the poorly trained goons are on camera behaving violently and lying after one of the goons shot a mom in the face. They need to flip the script somehow.

So now they are sending a hated stooge to represent the occupying regime, and presto — perhaps they’ll get a Temu Archduke Franz Ferdinand situation?

This is probably the result of an overactive imagination, but I wouldn’t put anything past the Trump regime. It’s as twitchy and demented and dumb as the cult figure at its center.

Open thread.

Ugliest American (Open Thread)Post + Comments (89)

Your Lying Eyes (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  January 8, 202611:15 am| 219 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, Foreign Affairs, Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity, Republican Venality, Assholes, Decline and Fall

This NYT article on the murder in Minneapolis yesterday is good journalism. It breaks down video clips frame-by-frame from multiple angles and provides indisputable evidence that Trump, Noem, Fox News, et al., lied about what happened. Here’s how Trump lied about the incident:

The woman screaming was, obviously, a professional agitator, and the woman driving the car was very disorderly, obstructing and resisting, who then violently, willfully, and viciously ran over the ICE Officer, who seems to have shot her in self defense. Based on the attached clip, it is hard to believe he is alive, but is now recovering in the hospital.

As the clips show, not only is the murderous ICE thug alive and not in the hospital, he was never in danger. He’s strutting around unscathed before, during and after the murder.

Will we ever know who this killer is? Maybe online sleuths will figure it out. The murderer was filming Ms. Good with his phone before he killed her, which makes me wonder if he’s an embedded right-wing “influencer.” Anything is possible with this depraved and predatory crew.

Minnesota AG Keith Ellison said he’d do all he can to hold lawbreakers accountable. But state officials’ options to check ICE lawlessness are limited by design, thanks in part to the corrupt U.S. Supreme Court.

For more on that, check out this prescient New Republic article by Radley Balko that published on Christmas Eve. An excerpt:

“People ask me questions like ‘Is it constitutional for them to wear masks?’ or ‘Can they really detain U.S. citizens incommunicado?’ or ‘Is it really legal for them to scare children like that?’” [said the Institute for Justice’s Anya Bidwell.] “The answer is that it doesn’t matter if what they do is legal. Because they know that fundamentally they can’t be sued, either as the government itself or individually.”

So while the administration sets arrest and deportation quotas, attacks immigrants with dehumanizing rhetoric, and tells immigration officers that they’ve been “unleashed,” Bidwell said, there’s nothing pushing back to keep deportation forces in line. “There’s no incentive for these officers to act in a cautious manner that’s compliant with the Constitution.”

Balko notes that the corrupt Trump DOJ certainly isn’t going to rein them in either. So the murderous fascist wilding will continue.

***

Turning from domestic fascist wilding to fascist wilding abroad, here’s something that’s goddamn infuriating on multiple levels: (Politico)

As senators woke up Saturday with questions on President Donald Trump’s audacious decision to order the capture of Venezuelan leader Nicolás Maduro, one of their old colleagues was ready with answers.

Secretary of State Marco Rubio worked the phones in the wee hours of the morning and, in the days since, has played an outsize role in not only formulating the administration’s strategy in Venezuela but explaining it to skeptical lawmakers wary of a protracted military commitment.

That outreach has been to his former Republican colleagues as well as Democrats, including those who see him as a rare Trump official with whom they can maintain a trusted and respectful relationship amid profound policy disputes.

“Although I may disagree with him on a day-to-day or hour-to-hour basis … he has shown extraordinary competence,” Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois, the No. 2 Democratic leader, said in an interview. “I voted for him in this position; I still have confidence in his abilities.”

Senator Durbin is retiring at the end of the term. Good!

Others said they respected his particular expertise on issues in Latin America while also raising doubts about the strategy for Venezuela he is laying out in public and in private briefings — which for now involves propping up interim president Delcy Rodriguez as a de facto U.S. puppet.

“You can talk to Marco about — ‘Tell us about Delcy.’ … He knows all of that, and he can give you a sense of who they are and what they’re up to,” said Sen. Tim Kaine (D-Va.), a former colleague on the Foreign Relations Committee…

Fucking hell, Senator Kaine!

“Marco has been evangelical on Latin America for a long time, for a long time — I mean, he’s, you know, a pretty classic neocon who believes that America will generally be greeted as liberators,” said Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn.), another former Foreign Relations colleague. “I didn’t vote for him because I thought he was going to suddenly agree with me on the importance of military restraint overseas.”

Added Kaine, “At the end of the day, he’s going to do what Trump tells him to do.”

Every single senator voted to confirm Rubio, including my personal favorites. That was and is a disgrace, but as a wise man once said, it’s a club, and we’re not in it.

Can the lingering vestiges of “Senate brain” endure three more years of this fascist shit-show? Signs point to yes, but we’ll see.

Open thread!

Your Lying Eyes (Open Thread)Post + Comments (219)

Such a lovely dream…

by Betty Cracker|  January 6, 202611:10 am| 181 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, Foreign Affairs, Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity, All we want is life beyond the thunderdome, Assholes, Ever Get The Feeling You've Been Cheated?, General Stupidity

Optional musical accompaniment for the post below. The song is about Venezuela only in that the songwriter had a dream set in that country, which she’d never visited. I like it, and the lyrics are relevant in the sense that a (fictional) Venezuelan’s cherished hopes come to naught.

Dashed hopes are relevant here because we’re seeing cope in real time among South Florida U.S. House Republicans who represent the region’s Venezuelan diaspora. Reps. Maria Elvira Salazar, Mario Diaz-Balart and Carlos Gimenez held a press conference in Doral on January 3rd to crow about the Trump administration’s strike on Venezuela and capture of Maduro: (Miami Herald)

“There will be a new world order,” Giménez told reporters gathered outside Díaz-Balart’s office in Doral, the heart of the U.S. Venezuelan community. “It will be a world order that is bounded by and guided by the principles of liberty and democracy, not tyranny, communism and socialism.”

On that day, the three expressed confidence that opposition leader Maria Corina Machado would replace Maduro. Just 48 hours later, they were defending the Trump administration’s decision to work with Maduro’s socialist VP instead: (gift link)

After months of calling Edmundo González — backed by opposition leader María Corina Machado — the legitimate winner of the 2024 Venezuelan elections, South Florida’s congressional Republicans are now defending Trump’s comments that Machado doesn’t have the “respect” to lead Venezuela, and Trump’s plans to collaborate with Nicolás Maduro’s allies after his dramatic capture by the U.S. military…

The timeline for any new elections is still up in the air. Trump did not mention democracy once during a press conference Saturday focused largely on his plans for oil extraction in Maduro’s absence. Speaking to reporters on Air Force 1 Sunday night, he said Venezuela would hold new elections “at the right time.” In an interview with the Miami Herald Sunday, Republican Rep. María Elvira Salazar defended the president’s comments disparaging Machado as lacking the respect to lead Venezuela.

Nothing about these Republican politicians’ pivot is surprising. Falling in line is what Republican politicians and trolls (but I repeat myself) do. We are governed by right-wing trolls on X, and elected content creators and unelected influencers alike executed the same pivot.

amazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders

[image or embed]

— derek guy (@dieworkwear.bsky.social) January 5, 2026 at 1:50 AM

The question in my mind is how Florida voters will react. As a lifelong observer, it’s hard not to be cynical about it and bitterly expect them to fall into line too.

There’s a push-pull issue here in the sense that Maduro’s overthrow is already giving Republicans who are primarily focused on deporting brown people a new opening. Here’s Ron DeSantis on that:

Even as he invoked the plight of Venezuelan exiles, DeSantis appeared to support the Trump administration’s announcement that Venezuelans previously in the U.S. under Temporary Protected Status (TPS) can “go home to a country that they love,” as opposed to seeking asylum. The governor claimed that “90-something percent” of asylum seekers entering the country were “bogus,” adding that Congress should “really clean that up.” Hundreds of thousands of Venezuelans nationwide lost TPS last year — leaving many of the roughly 230,000 Venezuelans with TPS living in Florida as of March 2025 vulnerable to deportation to a home country still mired in political and economic upheaval.

If there’s a schism among Florida voters, maybe that’s where it will emerge. In addition to DeSantis’s continuing to slander asylum seekers, Stephen Miller still runs the deportation regime, and those 230K Venezuelans will be an attractive target to meet his quotas.

For Miller (and Floridians who hate hearing languages other than English spoken in cities), the rationale will be, “Hey, we overthrew your dictator, so go home and rebuild your shithole country. Next up: Cuba!”

Of course, Trump doesn’t give a rat’s ass about democracy in the U.S., let alone Venezuela. To the extent there is a strategy in Venezuela at all, it seems like a neo-imperialist project to benefit Trump and Trump-aligned oligarchs, like Putin’s setup.

But Trump is hardly the first Republican who harnessed an exile community’s sincere yearning for freedom in their country of origin for personal political gain. The question now is how much of a pretense is the Trump administration is willing to maintain to keep the diaspora community on side.

Judging by Trump’s deranged remarks last weekend, not much. Your guess at how that might affect Florida voter behavior in future elections is as good as mine.

Open thread.

Such a lovely dream…Post + Comments (181)

War Piggy

by Betty Cracker|  January 3, 20265:12 am| 774 Comments

This post is in: Foreign Affairs, Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity, Assholes, General Stupidity

I was up in the wee hours planning a trip to see puffins, and I randomly checked Piggy’s deranged social feed, and what the goddamn fucking hell?

War PiggyFrom the BBC breaking news feed:

Details of Maduro’s capture remain thin

The US has long accused Nicolás Maduro of leading an international drug trafficking organisation, something that Maduro denies.

Trump did not give more detail about how Maduro was captured or where he has been taken.

The Venezuelan government have not yet confirmed this.

The US had offered a $50m reward for information leading to the arrest of Maduro.

That, along with the huge military build-up in the region over the last few months, were interpreted in the region as encouragement for someone inside the country to turn against him.

Maduro and wife captured by US army’s Delta Force, officials tell CBS

Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro was captured by the US army’s Delta Force, officials tell the BBC’s US partner CBS News.

Delta Force is the US military’s top counter terrorism unit.

Venezuela investigating deaths and injuries following strikes – defence minister

There are still lots of unknowns about this morning’s strikes.

What damage was done to the military infrastructure hit? And what casualties are there?

Venezuela’s defence minister Vladimir Padrino has said that the government is compiling information about the dead and injured people and alleged that the strikes hit civilian areas.

He added that Venezuela will “resist” the presence of foreign troops.

I have no fucking clue what’s going on, but it sounds like an obscene mash-up of wag the dog and grand theft, oil. Maduro is a bad guy, but so is Trump, and so are the vile goons running the various agencies, and every predicate for the build-up and boat strikes has been a bald-faced lie.

Tough to see how this ends up as anything other than an unmitigated disaster. Back to puffins.

Open thread.

War PiggyPost + Comments (774)

Enshittification Nation (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  December 19, 20251:52 pm| 134 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Assholes, General Stupidity

Yesterday, Stipple Lips announced that the Trump-stacked Kennedy Center board “just voted unanimously” to rename the center after their cloven-hooved patron:

Piggy professed to be “surprised” and “honored” yesterday when asked about it.

But the very next day, today, there’s a work crew behind a tarp installing the giant metal letters on the building?

Breaking News: Workers began adding President Trump’s name to the Kennedy Center, despite no action by Congress to legally rename it. This sparked outrage among the Kennedy family, since it was built to be a living memorial to the 35th president.

[image or embed]

— The New York Times (@nytimes.com) December 19, 2025 at 11:49 AM

Does the Kennedy Center have a building facade alteration crew and equipment on retainer, so they don’t need to arrange that kind of work in advance? Is there a government warehouse that stocks metal letters in all sizes and fonts so buildings can be updated within 24 hours? Come on.

Open thread.

Enshittification Nation (Open Thread)Post + Comments (134)

“Will you shut up, man?”

by Betty Cracker|  December 17, 20259:14 am| 268 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity, Assholes, Clown Shoes, Decline and Fall, General Stupidity

The title is my favorite Joe Biden quote ever. I’m pre-deploying against tonight’s prime-time Trump buffoonery, which I do not plan to watch because I’d rather jam chopsticks into my own eardrums than listen to that braying asshole. CNN:

Trump tries to change the mood about his presidency

The White House says that Trump will speak Wednesday evening about the “historic accomplishments that he has garnered for our country over the past year.” Presidents often like to sum up their efforts before Americans start to concentrate on the holidays. And in addition to the economy, Trump will be expected to crow over his successful crackdown on the southern border and perhaps to explain his apparent bid to topple Venezuela’s leader.

According to CNN, JD Vance had to clean-up after his boss this week. The report claims Vance delivered a “coherent and disciplined argument for [Trump’s] 10-month stewardship of the economy” in Allentown.

Trump kicked off the “affordability is not a hoax” tour last week at a Poconos casino. He ignored the “affordability” talking points and made dumb racist comments and yapped about windmills instead.

Here are a couple of comments from Vance’s clean-up on aisle 47 speech, which CNN found both coherent and disciplined:

“The thing that I’d ask from the American people is a little bit of patience.”

“Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

Yeah, that’s totally going to work. If Americans are known for anything besides military adventurism and all-you-can-eat buffets, it’s their patience.  

***

Speaking of deeply, catastrophically unpopular people and things, Josh Marshall at TPM wonders if tech broligarchs are ready to be on the “downward turn of the wheel,” having thrown in their lot with Trump and gone all-in on AI: (gift link)

I started thinking about this more when I began to realize just how unpopular AI is, a point I mentioned a week or so ago… I found myself surprised just how widespread hostility to AI is… If it’s not laying you off, it’s jacking up your utility rates so they can run the data crunching plantations that are going to take your job…

They’re all in for AI. They’re all in for Trump. And you can’t learn that just by reading the Wall Street Journal or small political magazines. You learn it on TikTok and Twitter and Facebook. Do they know that part of the health premiums going through the roof for a lot of people is going to be on them, just because they’re so prominent in our current political landscape as part of team Trump?

I don’t think the tech boys have much sense that politics shifts both ways, that what happened in the winter of 2024/25 wasn’t permanent. Indeed, it didn’t last through 2025. Do they know what it’s like to be holding the bag for a significant amount of main force political backlash? And not just worrying about Democrats being in power but having Republicans trying to stay in office trying to shift the ire in their direction? I have very little sense that that’s the case.

I think some, like broligarch Peter Thiel, do understand that political winds shift, which is why he deems freedom and democracy “incompatible.” Maybe the broligarchs hoped to stand up a durable panopticon and make pesky elections irrelevant before Trump’s popularity cratered and power started ebbing away.

In that case, they could rule over us like a feudal lords. But maybe that project isn’t on schedule. We’ll see soon enough.

***

To end on a cheerier note, here are Sandhill Cranes YELLING in my yard early yesterday, as they do most mornings.

Here’s a quartet hollering in my swamp this chilly morning. Along with Limpkins, they make the best alarm clocks ever! #birds #SandhillCranes

[image or embed]

— Betty Cracker of Florida (@bettycrackerfl.bsky.social) December 16, 2025 at 8:07 AM

The late Queen had a bagpiper for an alarm clock. I have Sandhills. I win!

Open thread.

“Will you shut up, man?”Post + Comments (268)

The Wiles of Susie Wiles

by Betty Cracker|  December 16, 202510:43 am| 204 Comments

This post is in: C.R.E.A.M., Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity, Republican Venality, Assholes, Clown Shoes, Decline and Fall

Trump chief of staff Susie Wiles has been granting access to Vanity Fair reporter Chris Whipple. The magazine published some gob-smacking excerpts of those interviews today.

I haven’t read the whole thing yet, but my initial reaction was to wonder if Wiles secretly hates her job and wants to be blown out the airlock.

Trump, she told me, “has an alcoholic’s personality.” Vance’s conversion from Never Trumper to MAGA acolyte, she said, has been “sort of political.” The vice president, she added, has been “a conspiracy theorist for a decade.”

Russell Vought, architect of the notorious Project 2025 and head of the Office of Management and Budget, is “a right-wing absolute zealot.”

When I asked her what she thought of Musk reposting a tweet about public sector workers killing millions under Hitler, Stalin, and Mao, she replied: “I think that’s when he’s microdosing.” (She says she doesn’t have first-hand knowledge.)… “He’s an avowed ketamine [user]… And he’s an odd, odd duck, as I think geniuses are. You know, it’s not helpful, but he is his own person…”

Upon reflection, I don’t think it’s that Wiles wants to be fired. Maybe she believes she’s indispensable to the operation of the careening clown car that is Trump II.

Perhaps she’s right about that; I don’t know. But in quoting people who’ve seen Wiles in action, Whipple reveals something about Wiles’ sense of her role as rabid dog handler.

Vance described Wiles’s approach to the chief’s job. “There is this idea that people have that I think was very common in the first administration,” he told me, “that their objective was to control the president or influence the president, or even manipulate the president because they had to in order to serve the national interest. Susie just takes the diametrically opposite viewpoint, which is that she’s a facilitator, that the American people have elected Donald Trump. And her job is to actually facilitate his vision and to make his vision come to life…”

In the West Wing, Wiles is surrounded by young MAGA men. “She is a ‘go to church every Sunday, uses a swear word very, very rarely’ ” person, said James Blair, Wiles’s 36-year-old deputy chief of staff. “She doesn’t raise her voice. But she likes being around junkyard dogs.” Indeed, Wiles has seemed content to let her pit bulls—deputy chiefs of staff Miller, Blair, and Dan Scavino—run loose as she watches.

Whether she knows it or not, Wiles is in favor of destroying the country’s global influence and scientific leadership. She justifies it by echoing bog-standard MAGA mouth-noises one hears in the hinterlands from regular old Trump voters.

They hate the imperfect U.S. institutions that project hard and soft power — and not wholly without justification. But what makes their occasionally understandable discontent cross the line into monstrousness is that they are prepared to toss innumerable babies with the bathwater:

For Trump, Wiles has helped pick a Cabinet of MAGA hard-liners: Pete Hegseth, secretary of war (formerly defense); Kash Patel, FBI director; John Ratcliffe, CIA director; Pam Bondi, attorney general; Tulsi Gabbard, director of national intelligence; and Kristi Noem, head of Homeland Security. Wiles calls them “a world-class Cabinet, better than anything I could have conceived of.” Trump’s Cabinet members are either one of the least qualified presidential teams in history or, to hear Wiles tell it, disrupters—the only people with the balls to take on an entrenched deep state.

“People talk about the deep state being at the State Department,” Wiles said. “It’s not. It’s the military-industrial complex.” Hegseth, in her view, is just the guy to take on the powers that be. She referred to Health and Human Services secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., another world-class disrupter, as “my Bobby” and “quirky Bobby.” In Wiles’s view, RFK Jr.’s shock treatment of HHS is warranted.

Left unspoken is the corollary: Consequences be damned. And that’s what makes their actions monstrous and indefensible and irresponsible.

No doubt their rectitude stems in part from a mindset Trump and Wiles share that is entirely the product of the latter half of the 20th century. Both grew up affluent with terrible fathers during that time. Both apparently forged an enduring outlook of The Way Things Should Be™.

The tragedy is their toxic nostalgia is shared by tens of millions who empowered them to make it so. But like the mindless MAGAs who never venture beyond canned slogans and transgressive thrills, Wiles fails to appreciate the context that made the prosperous-for-some era she (mis)remembers possible.

As she facilitates the Trump regime’s breaking shit is fun and good, actually ethos, Wiles is destroying the country that she probably sincerely believes she loves. And what she is destroying cannot be rebuilt. Unlike Trump, Wiles isn’t stupid, but she’ll probably never understand that.

This makes me almost as cranky as the near-certainty that neither she nor the monsters she serves will ever face consequences for their actions. I wish them all a moment of clarity at the end, even if it’s fleeting.

Open thread.

ETA: LOL!

The Wiles of Susie Wiles

The Wiles of Susie WilesPost + Comments (204)

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