Simple lines intertwining…life imitates art:
It’s already been called the worst album of all time, this unholy union of Lou Reed and Metallica, the multi-headed hydra of unpleasantness known colloquially, though not fondly, as Loutallica.
They’ve united to present an 85-minute misery delivery system called “Lulu,” loosely based on a series of German expressionist plays that chronicled the adventures of a prostitute-turned-slave murdered by Jack the Ripper.
Two words.
Yevgraf
Good god, that looks awful. Its being savaged on Amazon.
handy
Ummm…why?
cleek
A/V Club has a nice line in their review:
Punchy
Lou Reed’s still alive?
handy
And this is from somebody who can even tolerate the mid-80’s Lou incarnation (anyone else dig “My Red Joystick?”)
joeyess
Spinal Tap.
I can’t wait until Tbogg gets his demonic-conservative-ridicule-machine hands on this.
DougJ
@Punchy:
What does Sully think about Lou Reed? (Actually, I am curious.)
trollhattan
Heh, y’all need to bone up on your Lou Reed discography.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metal_Machine_Music
Also, too, we have a Brit-made combination toilet paper and magazine holder, brandname “Loo Read.”
DougJ
@joeyess:
Those are not the two words.
You people don’t know this movie as well as you should.
Cris (without an H)
“Learn to fuckin type.”
different-church-lady
Maybe he finally wanted to try to out-do Metal Machine Music.
Rita R.
Spinal Tap on point again, even 30 years ahead of time.
Maybe this is all an elaborate, ST-themed parody by Metallica/Reed a la Joaquin Phoenix’s faux filmed foray into rap.
Legalize
I admit to rooting for this thing to work out …. Until my bother showed me a YouTube clip of the two of them drowning “Sweet Jane” in a mop bucket. At which point I started rooting for injuries.
Hunter Gathers
I wonder if they envy themselves.
The two words?
‘Shit Sandwich’
HumboldtBlue
Considering Metallica sucks ass and Lou Reed is as washed up as a Bachmann volunteer in New Hampshire, the only question left is — will Nickleback be joining them for the premiere?
kindness
Rolling Stone had a really good article on the band/combination and said the music was good. I was looking forward to hearing it.
I would say it sucks to be such haters, but look where I am.
Martin
So, WaPo thinks this random hodgepodge of content sucks, but thinks that any Republican random hodgepodge of tax and spending policy that is guaranteed to bankrupt the country is bold and courageous?
Why should anyone give WaPo any credibility on any issue when they are so thoroughly full of shit at least half the time? (and which half, we can never tell)
handy
@trollhattan:
That’s your counter? “Hey everybody stop being so hard on Lou he’s made shite music before!”
S. cerevisiae
Oh lord that is too weird. Even some prime bud would not make that sound good.
joeyess
Oh. My. Word.
I listened to about 30 seconds of each track and all I could think of was that my Metallica hired my dad to sing for them.
BTW, Dad’s been deceased for a year now.
Yep. It’s that bad.
Bill E Pilgrim
Panini di merda.
Fweesh, even I knew that.
DougJ
@kindness:
I’m not a hater at all, I love Lou. I just find any music based on Jack the Ripper funny after Spinal Tap.
kindness
In all honesty though I have come to like Metallica over the years. Symphony & Metallica is great (the one they did with the San Francisco Symphony at The Berkeley Community Theater) and I generally like Lou, but I understand not everyone does.
Suffern ACE
I actually coulda’ sworn that I read an obituary for Reed a few years ago, so this is a bit of a shock to me.
Legalize
“Shit sandwich.”
You’re welcome.
trollhattan
@handy:
Bringing up MMM is defending him? Not on my planet.
R-Jud
@Punchy: Technically.
Tony J
@HumboldtBlue:
Lou Reed is a Bachmann volunteer?
Lou fricking Reed?
I do not have the math to express how many levels that feels wrong on.
The Moar You Know
Looks like the Mayans were dead on right with the timing.
Comrade Mary
Chiming in on MMM. If you have never read Lester Bangs’ review, you should read it now.
Eno has an app or two. Very relaxing. But we meed the MMM app for the iPhone as well. Just imagine launching it in a crowded subway car.
(Yes, that last link goes to an excerpt on YouTube. I warn you because I love you.)
joeyess
@DougJ: What? Did you want me to state the obvious?
Okay.
Shit. Sandwich.
I beg your pardon, but I’ve watched that movie at least 100 times. I know the reference was alluding to shit sandwich regarding Tap’s last record “shark sandwich”. But listening to the streaming mp3’s it is painfully obvious that this is the proverbial example of “life imitates art”.
kindness
@DougJ: And I was being tongue in cheek there. The BJ community can get surly but you gots to have thick skin to play here.
When Metallica was new, I had already been through my metal phase. Same with AC/DC, friends of mine loved them, I could have cared less. But over time I’ve come to see some beauty & joy in it. And I loved grunge when it came through….What can I say?
BGinCHI
Two words:
Plastics.
Comrade Mary
Two words.
Catsy
Late to the party, won’t repeat all the obligatory Spinal Tap references. But HOLY FUCK, that is some weapons-grade fertilizer. I hopped over to Youtube and found a handful of song samples, and they are not kidding–this is outright unlistenable even if you like Metallica.
There are a few tracks I might put on as background music if they were instrumentals, but the “vocals” from Reed and Hetfield are just unendurable. I used to write electronic music way back when in the Demoscene, and this sounds like an old S3M or IT music file with seamless loops of guitar riff samples and bad homemade vocal WAVs overlaid on top. Except with higher production values.
handy
@trollhattan:
Ahh so not so much a “counter” as a “known to run off the rails completely every decade or three.” I can dig it.
joeyess
@HumboldtBlue:
ha ha ha ha ha…… yes, and Scott Stapp will join in for the encore.
celtidragonchick
@joeyess:
I just tried to listen to the track “pumping blood” and I was ready to slit my own wrists after 30 seconds.
Jesus.
Commenting at Balloon Juice since 1937
Hitler didn’t like it either
Marc
@HumboldtBlue:
I think you’re confusing different members of the Velvet Underground. Maureen (Moe Tucker) is a Tea Party loon in Georgia; I’ve never seen any evidence that Lou Reed is. He’s married to Laurie Anderson and I don’t think New Hampshire has anything to do with it.
The Moar You Know
One “Amazon Verified Purchase” review.
That person liked it.
I’m going to hold off jumping into this pile-on.
joeyess
@celtidragonchick: ha ha ha…. that’s my dad!
Bruce S
There are some albums/films/books that one is thankful were made because without them we wouldn’t have had the pleasure of reading the consummately entertaining bad reviews. (Ebert has done some of the best. Garrison Keillor’s New York Times book review of Bernard Henri-Levi’s American travelogue was in the top ranks as well.)
burnspbesq
The good thing about living in our current electronic environment is that no one will buy this based solely on the reputations of the musicians involved and be bitterly disappointed. That was the real problem with “Metal Machine Music.” People were expecting “Transformer Part Deux.”
And all you Lou Reed haters can just suck on this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4VuHHqIBqI&feature=fvst
joeyess
@The Moar You Know: please, go listen to the streaming mp3s. You won’t have to buy it to find out you hate it.
Trust me.
Catsy
AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.
The View
Pumping Blood
The Internets can be cruel, but this steaming three-coiler deserves every bit of the invective directed at it. It’s really impossible to appreciate just how bad these songs are without hearing them.
At least some Spinal Tap songs are fun to listen to!
Bill E Pilgrim
It’s actually better than the new Dennis Miller/David Mamet album.
Now, I don’t want to rant here, ladies and gentlemen, but Hollywood is so liberal that even when they drive on the right it’s on the left.
On the left.
That’s right.
You say, they drive on the left.
On the left, that’s what I’m saying.
You mean…
Yes.
On the left, is what you…
I mean that, yes, the left.
handy
@burnspbesq:
Not hating on Lou. Hells no. But I gotta say I like this guy’s Sweet Jane better.
DougJ
@burnspbesq:
I do like the original better. Can’t believe I haven’t used “Jack he is a banker” as a post title yet.
DougJ
I mentioned that Mo Tucker had become a teahadist, right?
hansmoleman
I’ve actually listened to the entire thing. It’s every bit as bad as it’s made out to be.
Also, another two words: Kotex jukebox.
Ugh.
Catsy
@The Moar You Know: Seriously. Go to Youtube. Follow the links I added to my last comment. Hear for yourself. It really is that bad.
cmorenc
One of the truly great things about having Satellite radio and iTunes and Pandora for my musical entertainment is…
I NEVER have to be subjected to the dilemma of being subjected to crap like this being frequently played on all the rock radio stations on the FM dial, and having to constantly twiddle back and forth to avoid it. Fortunately, at the moment I also don’t have any friends with the sort of terrible music taste that I have to put up with listening to crap like that as the price of riding with them in their car, or visiting their house.
Marc
Lou did Metal Machine Music, for heavens sake. I’m just curious if it is worse than that, because by all accounts that was the worst album ever released by a major artist. see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metal_Machine_Music
Rolling Stone called it “the tubular groaning of a galactic refrigerator” and as displeasing to experience as “a night in a bus terminal.”
Another review called it “”a two-disc set consisting of nothing more than ear-wrecking electronic sludge, guaranteed to clear any room of humans in record time.”
Or “four sides of unlistenable oscillator noise”
Or “an interminable collection of mechanical bleeps and burps”
He has a high bar to clear to make it his worst album, let alone the worst by anyone at any time. (Shatner is calling…)
Marc
@DougJ:
Someone above confused Mo with Lou.
redshirt
“Where’d they print that?! They can’t print that!”
burnspbesq
And now for something completely different.
Yo-Yo Ma, Chris Thile, Stuart Duncan, Edgar Meyer, Aoife O’Donovan.
If you like this kind of thing, you probably will play this about 100 times in a row.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvw0vbewH_Q
The Moar You Know
@joeyess:
@Catsy:
Eh. Maybe it’s from a twenty-year career as a musician, but I’ve heard way worse. Based on what I’ve heard, I’d give it three stars and get on with my life.
Marc
Another great MMM review:
http://www.rocknroll.net/loureed/articles/mmmbangs.html
kth
Lou Reed is a national treasure, but Pavarotti was his shark tank and that was some time ago.
Amir Khalid
The reviews sound so harsh, I’m actually tempted to buy it …
AnotherBruce
@Comrade Mary: Most of my life I’ve been warned about MMM. Now that I’ve heard some of it, I like it. There must be something wrong with me.
trollhattan
@handy:
Yup, this. (I’m infamous amongst a select few for once having spun several minutes of each MMM side on the radio. Not the whole thing because I valued my life too much.)
Uriel
@HumboldtBlue:
You should be ashamed you were even able to conceive of something like that, let alone committing it to the written word.
Your mind must be a truly terrible place.
CaptainFwiffo
I jumped into the middle of a random track on Youtube and I actually couldn’t last 10 seconds. I can’t recommend anyone subject themselves to this. At all. Don’t even take a taste. It’s something you just can’t take back.
You couldn’t do something this bad on purpose. I can hardly describe it, but I’ll try. Imagine letting a three-year-old go to town with a pot and a wooden spoon, then have his emo teenage older brother read his very worst angsty poetry. Now add in the ten worst genocides in human history.
The Youtube comments capture it best:
Wisdom.
PanAmerican
Klosterman takes a sledge to it:
Lev
I like quite a bit of Lou Reed, but little of his music since parting ways with Robert Quine has interested me, aside from the song New Sensations and a few things off New York.
Lev
@DougJ: That actually depresses me a little bit. It’s impossible to imagine those Velvets records without her drums.
srv
You people didn’t get Lou then, you don’t get him now.
Protothad
Rather than Loutallica, I would recommend Beatallica: http://www.beatallica.org/
Talented and funny. Disclaimer: These guys are friends of mine… but they really are good.
Joel
It’s certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.
What do you mean?
Well, at one point, you’ve got it, then you lose it. And it’s gone forever. All walks of life. Georgie Best, for example, had it, lost it. Or David Bowie or Lou Reed.
Lou Reed. Some of his solo stuff’s not bad.
No, it’s not bad, but it’s not great either, is it? And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right… it’s actually just shite.
Roy G.
“Do me a favor. Just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man, that’s all. Kick my ass. Enjoy. Come on. I’m not asking, I’m telling with this. Kick my ass.”
.
Joel
That Klosterman article linked above taught me that there’s a supergroup called “SuperHeavy”. Mick Jagger is involved. I guess he didn’t learn from his ill-fated collaboration with Peter Tosh.
EconWatcher
As a college student, I listened to “New York” more than any other album, over and over again. I was also extremely unsuccessful in the dating scene. I don’t know if these two facts are related.
lacp
I’m actually curious enough to give this puppy a listen – I like Lou Reed (Metallica not so much) and I saw a terrific production of Alban Berg’s Lulu many years ago.
Joel
@PanAmerican: I’d like to add, that as much as i liked Klosterman’s article, I disagree with his thesis.
Old bands made crappy albums throughout history. The radio-controlled days did not preclude old guys from making crappy music. I mean, when was the last good U2 album? The press barrage insisting that “How to dismantle an atomic bomb” was a great album failed to cover the fact that it was actually a crappy album. The clip from Trainspotting that I cited was filmed in 1995, and the book was written in 1993.
forked tongue
I listened to it. I don’t like metal, and the music Metallica makes isn’t to my taste at all. The songs were a mess. The lyrics made me want to puke and Lou’s voice is horrible. I kinda liked it.
DougJ
@EconWatcher:
We are truly kindred spirits, my friend.
RossInDetroit
The last Lou Reed album I listened to very much was Magic and Loss. I think it’s really great.
I do like some terrible music. …Trail of Dead is awful but fun. The Black Angels sound like a herd of brontosaurus in an artillery barrage but in a good way.
But the few samples of the Loutallica monstrosity that I listened to are too rough even for my tough skin. How could they even stand to MAKE that mess?
Mnemosyne
Uh, that reviewer realizes that Lulu was not an actual Jack the Ripper victim, right? The GW Pabst films are probably the best-known version in the US since they starred Louise Brooks and her iconic haircut.
Amir Khalid
@RossInDetroit: Liked Magic and Loss too. it’s the only Lou Reed album I’ve ever heard. (You can blame the local distribution arms of the major labels. if it doesn’t do well in the US, you damn well won’t see it out here.)
gbear
@srv: Hi, Lou. Sorry about the new album…
OmerosPeanut
Is there now something lower than Nickelback and Creed?
DougJ
@OmerosPeanut:
No.
redshirt
@EconWatcher: “New York” is a pretty good album. I was just thinking the other day its probably got the only anti-Kurt Waldheim song in existence. Brainy!
The prophet Nostradumbass
I haven’t listend to this thing, at all, but some of the comments reminded me of a passage in a Roger Ebert review of a Roman Polanski movie:
JGabriel
@Suffern ACE:
That wasn’t an obituary, it was the wedding notice for Lou Reed‘s marriage to Laurie Anderson. They got married in 2008.
.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@JGabriel: Years ago, I worked in a book store where Laurie Anderson did a book signing. Reed came along, and laid on his back on the floor behind the desk where Anderson did the signing.
JGabriel
I like Metal Machine Music.
.
JGabriel
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
Probably had back pain. Dude’s almost 70.
.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@JGabriel: This was back in around 1994 or so.
Paul in KY
@kindness: I read the same article. They must be buddies with Jann.
Paul in KY
@kindness: AC/DC is much better than Metallica (IMO).
Paul in KY
@Commenting at Balloon Juice since 1937: Appreciate the link!
Paul in KY
@Marc: If it is worse than ‘Trout Mask Replica’, then it is pretty fricking bad.