Michele wants some answers to some basic questions:
1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?
Who cares? I just wish the birds would stop crapping on me.
2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?
Why don’t you take them off so I can compare?
3. What’s your stance on sporks?
I prefer to stir my vodka tonics with a straw, but in a pinch a spork will do.
4. You’re the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What’s it called and who’s your running mate?
“I’ll be honest- We are going to lie to you” and my veep would be PJ O’Rourke.
5. Why do birds suddenly appear?
To eat the worms that fattened up on Karen Carpenter.
Misanthropyst
I want to know where all the bird corpses go – I mean, there’s gotta be billions of them, right? Where are they?
Steve Malynn
Cats, M., cats.
David Perron
Well, the mouse corpses show up in wolf shit and owl pellets. Something similar’s got to happen to the birds.