Guess who’s going to spend the next sixteen hours (or what feels like it) in front of a microscope. Govern yourselves until I get back.
* This seems like promising research, but I should probably warn those kids about something…
* If you’re in England, watch your back.
* Arctic sea ice is melting faster than ever. Next comes the giant lens of cold fresh water, then the shutdown of the deep-sea conveyor current. Combine that with record CO2 levels and the massive release of permafrost methane. What do you get? I haven’t a freaking clue. But it ought to be fun.
Krista
Are you giving us authoritah?
ThymeZone
Darrell is banned.
Andrew
I unban Darrell, but he is only allowed to write in iambic pentameter with extreme alliteration.
SeesThroughIt
Um…non-sequitur Wednesday?
Ryan S.
Heres something neat
pie
Darrell likes me. We are friends.
I like me, too, you see.
ThymeZone
You’ve got some crust, pal.
srv
Oh, darling Darrell, does he delight with crusty untruths.
Peter
Ah, climate-change “fun”. Here in southeastern Australia we’re getting a head-start on the “fun”, with record droughts and massive wildfires. C’mon, join in the “fun”!
ThymeZone
Neither a Darrell nor a horse’s ass be.
grumpy realist
Here’s a epigram for Darrell:
Odi et amo, numquam, fortasse requieris
Nescio, sed sentio et excrucior.
TenguPhule
Hey, we’re only filling in here.
TenguPhule
Redundant. :P
chopper
NERD ALERT!
Paul L.
No doubt the feminists will scream that this points to victim’s sexual history and has no bearing on the case.
Lawyers: DNA Not Linked to Duke Athletes
Paul L.
No, Virginia, the sky is not falling Warming to debate Are we responsible for the planet’s changing climate?
No doubt this will cause next year’s hurricane season will be even worst.
Where have we heard that before?
TenguPhule
A denial from Darrell that something is going on.
SeesThroughIt
Jake
A tour de boredom starring Kevin Costner.
t. jasper parnell
Which Historical Loon are you?
I am Charles VI Mad King of France, which is nice.
Punchy
The massive acidification of the ocean, followed by the bleaching of coral reefs, and the death of myriad of associated marine species. Truly a domino effect that will fuck us in the ass.
AkaDad
If I had it, I’d round up all those terrorists who have called for the death of Americans, like Ann Coulter, Rush, Michael Savage, and BillO.
I’d make em all wear I heart Gitmo shirts, while I was
torturing“aggressively interrogating” them.demimondian
Fixed.
By the way, Paul, found any evidence of fake bodies in Qana yet?
t. jasper parnell
Why not one word, not one word, about all the ecological disasters that are not occurring, like the Killer Bees, or intelligent ants, or even more worrying intelligent Preying Mantises, which would lead to a canibalistic matriarchy.
TenguPhule
Because the Killer Bees are real?
Bruce Moomaw
That piece by Patrick Michaels that Paul L. links to is — er — remarkable. Specifically, Michaels says that the fact that most of the recent scientific articles on GW in “Science” and “Nature” have said that the phenomenon and/or its effects will be more severe than had been previously thought proves — BY ITSELF — that those two magazines must be “biased”. This is true because — so help me God — in SHORT-TERM weather forecasts, approximately half the time the weather will get cooler than it is now: “Every time some ‘new’ information is added to a weather forecast, it should have an equal chance of making it warmer or colder. In global warming, which is really just a super-long-range forecast, every new finding should also have an equal chance of making it warmer or cooler, or ‘worse than we thought’ or ‘not as bad as we thought.’ ”
I knew Michaels had a reputation for being dishonest. I didn’t know he had one for being psychotic.
Paul L.
Yep I’ll use the AP method and say I got conformation of the story from a policeman in Lebanon whom no one can locate.
After all you guys defended the AP story using the same method.
Andrew
I ban Paul L.
Krista
No doubt the feminists among the Balloon-Juice commentariat have better things to do than fall for such a desperate, pathetic attempt at shin-kicking by Paul L.
ThymeZone
What about the Walking Stick?
Seriously, what about it?
demimondian
And six named witnesses. And other data.
So, where are your named witnesses? For that matter, where’s the policeman? I’d be eager to hear his or her name.
SeesThroughIt
Did you read that article about this in The New Yorker a few weeks ago?
Richard 23
Any news about the runaway bride or the Aruba girl, Paul L? How about OJ? The stories you focus on are so fascinating. Little wonder I visit your blog every single day….
rachel
Not to worry; Buffy the Vampire Slayer took care of that way back in Season 1.
demimondian
Geek alert! Geek alert!
Pb
More like “Dork alert!”–it’s crap like that that gives geeks a bad name. (Oh wait…)
Dave Trowbridge
You get Mother of Storms by John Barnes.
scs
Since this is “Balloon Juice”, I have a low tech idea to help people stuck out in the wild like the Kim family or those 3 guys on Mount Hood. Why don’t people who expect to travel out in the mountains carry with them a large bunch of balloons, preferably the shiny metalic ones, with a really really long cord, say 150 feet, and a small helium container. Instead of bright tape you put on your car hood, these balloons should rise above the tree tops and should be able to be seen for miles around. It would make spotting someone a snap, and it could easily fit into a car. If people want to get really fancy, they could add some sort of lights or transmitters to it. I think it could work, no?
scs
A little info on balloons from Wiki. So balloons are both cheap to inflate and long lasting.
Pb
scs,
I like it–emergency rescue balloons. Cooler than a signal flare, and longer lasting! And, sure, why not stick a transmitter to it, or use it as an antenna…
Pb
Hrm. My antenna link didn’t go through the first time…
Paul L.
What other data. You mean the
41 mosques they claimed torched that they have no pictures of?You have a link to the story/press release citing the 6 named witnesses?
Sorry AP… Your Torched Sunni Report Is Still Very Bogus!
scs
Thanks PB, first time we agree. I see that someone else has caught on to that idea already on the patent site. Why don’t more people talk about this as a solution I wonder as it is perfect for the mountains.
Fruitbat
Another benefit, scs, is that balloons can help make a desperate situation fun and festive. Perhaps search and rescue workers can employ clown makeup to keep the theme going.
scs
Any little bit could help Fruitbat. By the way, thanks all for that patent site. I have searched for other my million dollar patent idea and do not see it. Too bad I’m not an engineer so I could figure out how to make it. Any engineers or circuit people on here?
pie
Well, don’t they already wear brightly-colored clothing, so that they can be spotted over long distances?
pie
These balloons are a pretty good idea. As long as there’s some sort of helium canister to inflate them with, just tether them to some sort of nearby object and wait for a spotter.
Of course, it would also be a good idea to keep emergency food supplies, blankets, flashlights, and things like that in your car. Not sure how many people do that. I should really start, though. I doubt that my CD of ACDC’s “Let There Be Rock” is as useful for survival in the wilderness as a decent Swiss Army knife and some canned goods. At least with a tape deck you could theoretically spool out the tape and construct a fishing line or some sort of makeshift bandage out of the music. Not sure what you could use a CD for, unless you broke it and made the shards into some kind of cutting implements. Might as well make a spear out of a screwdriver and a tire iron, though. Or a car key and a piece of driftwood.
scs
This must be someone who saw that Tom Hanks movie, what was it called… oh yeah Castaway, too many times.
scs
By the way, CNN says you’re supposed to carry candles too. They said one candle can raise your car temp 20 degrees. I wonder if that is a carbon monoxide risk though – okay, so add candles and a CO detector to the list.
jake
That’s easy: If an intelligent preying mantis hits on you, tell her you’re saving yourself for marriage. Of course if she’s too intelligent you won’t be able to resist her charms, so I guess fast acting pain killers would be in high demand. Either that or you’d need to take her out for a large meal before hand so she’s too full to chew your head off.
Krista
Duh…you can use it as a signal mirror to passing aircraft!
Balloon’s not a bad idea. The only thing is that the person would not be able to be in thick forest, or else the darned thing would get caught in the trees before elevating.
Unfortunately, when people usually require rescue in the woods, it turns out that they don’t even have the most basic of emergency supplies with them (waterproof matches, knife, emergency blanket, water). I’m willing to guess that a good 3/4 of the people who need rescuing don’t even have those things on them, so the odds that they’d start carrying a balloon and a helium canister are pretty slim. For those who do go into the woods prepared, and find themselves in a snag, it’s definitely not a bad idea for a rescue signal.
Anybody here ever hiked the Chilkoot Trail? That one’s definitely on my to-do list….
demimondian
Who needs a helium cannister? Heating the contents of the envelope would server perfectly well.
Nikki
scs,
That balloon idea is very good, although those helium cannisters from Balloon Time are not all that small. My sister keeps those cannisters in her garage for her and her husband’s annual birthday party. You can buy them at any party store. They take up a pretty good amount of room in my trunk (I don’t have an SUV). A smaller survival cannister would be just the thing.
demimondian
Oh, and scs? Patent that one. You’ve got a great idea there if you can make it small, disposable and marketable.
Zifnab
That an invention like this would come off of the site “Balloon Juice” is nothing less than a Festivus Miracle! :-p
I’ve seen mini-C02 cartridges for paintball guns. If you could do that with helium, you could probably make this work. Then use one of those heavy duty rubber weather balloons. Folded up, it could probably fit in a glove box. This sounds like a really good idea, scs.
jenniebee
I don’t think balloons last very long in extreme cold, guys. If you do try it, be sure to use mylar balloons, because the latex ones will pop if the temperature gets below freezing.
However, that’s science, and I’m sure that there’s someone here who’s willing to publish an unsigned editorial asserting that latex balloons will work just fine. And if that happens, shoot – nobody will know what to believe anymore!
ThymeZone
The balloon can serve as a PVS diagnostic device as well as a rescue device.
The dual-purpose balloon is therefore cost and space efficient.
Kudos to scs for the imaginative idea!
(To use the balloon as a PVS detector, simply wave it front of the subject’s face and observe the reaction.)
Mike
I sure hope Dr. Sen Frist doesn’t diagnose Sen. Johnson with PVS…or would he? Hmmm…I motion that the balloon test be performed immediately on Sen Johnson, as soon as we get a camera set up for the good Doc to watch. Any seconds?
pie
No, just once. But I did just finish reading “Lord of the Flies”, so that may be influencing my brain.
I was thinking of writing a different version of the book, in which there really IS a beast stalking them all, and the one group of boys wants to face the beast but the other group is too effete and civilized to do what has to be done to save the group.
(Is this what that show “Lost” is about? I only saw one episode of it.)
gus
Thanks for the link Paul L. Michaels’ argument, while not the least bit coherent or convincing was good for laughs.
Mike
I don’t have a link handy, but I saw a science show a few years ago (Bill Nye maybe?) where he blew up a standard latex balloon, tied it off, and then lowered the bottom couple inches into a bath with one of the liquid gases that was at least -180 as I recall. It shriveled up within 20-30 seconds and the air inside liquified into a very small puddle on the inside of the balloon, just enough to see as he moved the balloon around in the liquid bath. When he pulled the balloon out, it re-expanded within 20-30 seconds. He did it several times.
pie
That’s what the balloons are for! To signal to the people dressed in clown costumes who are coming to save us!
Can’t we make balloons out of cotton? Cotton encased within plastic or something?
What about bringing large amounts of chocolate, then consuming it in the event of mishap? Won’t that cause one to “balloon”, thereby signaling distress for miles around to the rescue clowns?
How about if I just keep a bird in a cage in my backseat, with some food and a rope and some paint. If I get stranded, I can tie the bird to a tree, paint bright colors on his back, and allow him to fly above me as a signal to rescuers. (In a pinch, I could lure a wild bird toward me with shiny CD shards, then tether him with part of the balloon rope. Not sure what I’d use for paint, maybe just blood or chips from the car’s paint.)
I’m just thinking out loud, here. Just brainstorming.
Another thing we could do is set up a national cell phone tower network. That way, as long as one had one’s cell phone, one would be able to contact help from anywhere in the country. Free phones could be issued to the poor and phoneless. That way, at least everyone could call “911” whenever necessary.
Krista
Presuming one’s phone is fully charged of course. That’s a question: do they have phone rechargers with solar panels? If not, they should. It’d be great for those super-long treks. (Of course, it would also make life easier if cell phones just took AA batteries, ’cause you could then stock up, plus bring a solar battery recharger…)
Krista
Hell, I’m just happy they finally clued in and made phone chargers universal. That way, if my Samsung is dead and I can’t find my charger, I can just use the one from my honey’s Audiovox.
Ryan S.
Obviously you’ve never dipped a blown-up balloon in liquid nitrogen before. It shrivels up like a raisin and gets as hard as a rock, but if you leave it thaws and slow reinflates as the liquid air inside becomes a gas again. Usually the ballon is fine, no leaks, but if you hit it against something, usually pretty hard, you can crack it. However, latex balloons are bad for another reason, they’re not somewhat porous, as you can tell when you fill one up with helium it only lasts for a few days. But a mylar balloon would work.
That is a good idea Scs, you should make a patent and do some tests have a large red metalic balloon. the only problem I see is that in those kind of condition I imagine the wind might be strong and the balloon might get ripped off or ice might form on the balloon and wieght it down. But without testing it in those conditions it would be impossible to say for sure.
Ryan S.
Fixed
Also a large decanter of liquid nitrogen = hours of fun and pranks
pie
What if it’s cloudy out, though? Or if you crashed your car in some dark forest/jungle, or in a cave? That’s why I think the phones should be able to recharge themselves using the body’s electromagnetic emissions. (The same thing that cues sharks in to us- it could be helpful to reduce those if you crashed your car in shark-infested waters.)
I also think I should be able to power my car using my body’s natural energy emissions. That way, if I go over 70 I have a brain aneurysm. It would help to keep drivers honest, and obeying the speed limit.
Ryan S.
There a solar storm gonna hit sometime today if anyones interested.
Jake
(Gadget Geek Alert)
Yep. They aren’t specific to cell phones and you can charge a number of small electronics from the panel (which rolls up and doesn’t take up much space). Cell phones, however, are notoriously finicky devices.
(Outdoor geek alert)
From what I’ve read about rescue activities in parks, a lot of people now think a cell phone and an 8 oz bottle of water is all they need when they set out on a hike. In areas where the phone works, if a person gets a little lost, they call for help and someone has to come get them, (“I’m by a big tree, near a stream!”) which means the park police can’t help someone else who really needs it. There has been a massive increase in these types of rescues since cell phones became popular and I hope they’ve started charging people who panic ten feet from the main trail. And of course, in areas where the phones don’t work, people get into situations where they are quite screwed because all they have is the cell phone and an empty bottle.
(Uber outdoor geek alert)
scs, I too think that’s a great idea. However, the key thing to remember is if you live or travel in snowy areas, your car should have some survival stuff in the trunk. At the very least a few survival blankets, a gallon of water some energy bars (those things last forever), water proof matches and fire lighters, a towel, warm hat, gloves and an extra pair of socks. Yes, I carry all of these things in my car during the winter, no it doesn’t take up much space, yes I am a huge geek.
Krista
Yes, yes you are. But you’re speaking to a woman who has her GPS and Swiss Army knife on her at all times, so I can’t really talk.
You also forgot to mention a shovel (even a kiddie one is good, as it doesn’t take up much space), and a bag of kitty litter (for traction). Sometimes, having those two things can make a big difference.
scs
It really is. I like my balloon juice idea, and I like the rechargeable cell phone, but I really REALLY like the “rescue carrier pigeon” idea. THAT is the one that needs to be patented!
scs
Patent what? Balloons? Nah. Maybe travel helium canisters. Also no. I have too many other brilliant patent ideas to think about patenting other than that one. Feel free Demi to patent the “travel helium rescue canister”, and then give me a free trip to Disney World after you make your first million.
demimondian
And never let your gas tank run to less than about 25% full, lest the water which is inevitably there give you a false sense of security.
Krista
I’m guilty of that one, but only on my 10-minute drive to and from work, in which I pass three gas stations. If I’m going anywhere beyond that, the tank gets filled.
SeesThroughIt
I would just like to point out that the segment on last night’s Daily Show in which Samantha Bee turned Al Jazeera English into a shitty American-style cable news network was comedy gold. Changing the female anchor’s name, adding a whole shitload of graphics, giving the anchors some good pointless banter phrases…all great. And the icing on the cake was the Fox News-style jingoism:
“No wonder so many people want to off this Maliki guy.”
“Well, maybe he should come to the American heartland for a lesson or two on etiquette and democracy. Oooh, my mama could teach him a thing or two.”
“You know, I’ve met your mama, and he wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week. Anywhoooooo…up next: Immigrants–are they stealing your blonde teenagers?”
Richard 23
You might want to browse the Edmund Scientific catalog.
I remember seeing mylar and weather balloons in there. I seem to remember seeing emergency balloons back some 20 years ago in their catalog but didn’t search too hard for them today.
Lots of cool stuff in there as I recall.
Steve
Yes, that was genius, but I’m not sure anything could top the fake book being sold at the Holocaust Denial Conference, entitled “If We Did It, Here’s How It Would Have Happened.” I’m still laughing at just how WRONG that joke was.
Ryan S.
Edmund Scientific….AAAh yes! How I love my geek crack.
SeesThroughIt
So wrong, but so very, very right.
Ryan S.
Oooohh I’ve found what I want for christmas. And you can get it gift wrapped. I wonder what kind of horible shenanigans I can perpetrate with that.
Punchy
This could very easily be the wierdest thing I’ve read all week. And that’s saying something.
Sstarr
If anyone wants to watch a football game played in truly truly horrid conditions tune in to the Seahawks Vs. San Francisco game tonight! We’re supposed to have up to 70 mph gusts of wind! And, of course, rain.
Should be a blast.
Steve
“Tune in”? Not a soul that I know of gets that network.
demimondian
The office security staff just walked my building handing out flashlights, along with instructions for what to do if the power goes out and strands us in the elevators (and explaining that we’ll be low priority rescue targets, so we may be stuck there a while…)
Think they’re trying to give me a hint?
Jake
Or the nifty fold up kind from Army Surplus stores (AKA Cheap Geek Paradise). But yes, I forgot about the shovel. I keep a manky wool blanket for emergency traction. We won’t get into the things I keep in my bag in case the daily commute on the subway becomes too … exciting.
grumpy realist
Speaking as a would-be patent lawyer, would like to remind people of certain things:
1. if it’s obvious to “one of ordinary skill in the art”, then it’s a violation and no, you won’t get your patent.
2. If your info is released to the public on a proven date (i.e., a dated document on the internet), you have one year to file a patent application in the US. If you don’t, this is a 102(b) violation and is referred to by practitioners as a “statuatory bar.” Can’t get around it–only way is to argue that what was put up was a different invention and is different enough that what you’re applying for isn’t an obvious derivation of it.
3. The US gives you a grace period; many other countries do NOT. Which means that you may have already lost all foreign patent rights, SCS….
CaseyL
Hey, fellow Seattleites. How about that storm, eh?
It took me about 2 hours to get home, twice the usual time, because of the rain, mostly. In some places it was like someone was tossing bucketsful of water right onto windshields. People were driving quite sanely, for once.
In some places, the freeway had standing water a few inches deep, which passing cars made geyser very nicely. The Express Lanes were a mess, because a veritable lake had formed to block one lane altogether. But once you got past the blockage, it was smooth sailing the rest of way – unlike the mainline.
I got home and immediately cleared the furniture off my main deck. I still have stuff out in front of the house, including contractors’ sawhorses and ladders, and bringing that in will present a logistics problem, since there isn’t room inside for it all. I might just take my chances and leave it out, since the front of the house faces “inside” the complex, and (hopefully) will be sheltered from the worst of the wind. (And if I’m not lucky, I can replace a bunch of windows I wanted to replace anyway, and have insurance pay for it :)
And the worst of the storm hasn’t even hit yet.
This should be exciting, eh?
t. jasper parnell
10 mins in a car? What is that like 6 on a bike?
demimondian
It took me about 40 minutes to get from my office to the house, about three times the usual time. Going up 85th street in Kirkland, the water was eight or nine inches deep as it ran towards the lake. In downtown Redmond, the water under one of the viaducts was deep enough to strand cars — I was really glad for the SUV (pace, jcricket, a hybrid, so not as evil as it might be) with the extra wheel height.
Oh, and I got home to find that (a) OPs had shut down power in the office, in order to prevent destruction of machines due to power spikes, and (b) somebody had sent out an email to the office saying “the basement has started flooding. You need to move your cars *immediately*.” (Which sounded kind, until I thought about (a), and realized that nobody would get the message until tomorrow. Oops.)
CaseyL
In Seattle football news, the Hawks did great while the storm whipped around the field of play. The minute the rain and wind slacked off, the Niners stopped dropping things and falling down, and won the game. Ah, well.
Thanks to a huge cosmic storm coming our way from the sun, there’s supposed to be a terrific aurora borealis display all over North America… provided the sky above your city is clear of clouds.
This seems not to be the case tonight here in Seattle (/sarcasm). This makes me very unhappy.
But the rest of you: go outside and look up.
scs
So you do you have any knowledge on whether those free patent sites that want to help you are any good? Or are they just going to rip you off?
chopper
decent patent advice costs money. free advice is usually worth what you pay for it.
(not a patent lawyer, a patent examiner for 8+ years)
CaseyL
Patent paralegal here, chiming in to say: Stay away from those sites and those companies! They’re rip-offs, pure and simple.
A patent application isn’t that difficult to write, once you know what the template is. The hard part – the part you pay an attorney or a patent agent for – is writing a patent application that stands up to Examination.
The invention has to be enabled – which means, described well enough that anyone “with skill in the art described” can duplicate the invention.
The invention has to be both not obvious and not anticipated. Not obvious means that the invention wouldn’t be easy for anyone who thought about it some to have come up with it on their own. Not anticipated means that it wouldn’t be possible to have come up with the invention simply by researching the “prior art” and combining aspects of that prior art.
“Prior art” is the record of inventions that have already been patented, or published in some way. Prior art includes, but is not limited to, other patents, other published patent applications, journal articles, conference proceedings, and even advertised products. You need to do what’s known as a “prior art search” before you write the patent application, to make sure your invention isn’t already out there.
A patent application also includes drawings showing the invention: how it’s built, how it’s put together, how it works.
The real trick is writing the claims. The claims are what you say the invention does, what it’s useful for. They have to be supported by the specification; and they have to follow a specific terminology and structure.
All of the above – the specification, claims and drawings – have to be as complete and comprehensive as possible. You cannot add to a patent application once it’s been filed. That’s called “adding new matter” and it’s a no-no. (What you can do, in the course of Examination, is amend the claims in response to the Examiner’s criticisms, which you get in the form of Office Actions.)
If all of this sounds complicated, then you need an attorney or a reputable patent agent (NOT a paralegal!) Depending on where you live, that can cost anywhere from $5,000-15,000 dollars to write and file the application. The Examination process – responding to Office Actions – will cost you a few hundred to a couple thousand per Office Action.
If you want to do as much as you can on your own anyway, I highly recommend the US Patent and Trademark Office’s website. It’s at uspto.gov, and it is a treasure of information.
scs
Hmmm. It sounds like a lot for a patent attorney. Who has the money to spend on that for an idea. That’s prob why China takes out more patents – I bet the gov gives you more help in getting one. I wonder if they have patent attorneys who don’t charge you up front, but get a percentage of the millions you’ll make later. I doubt it. Oh well.
John S.
China? Patents?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
China doesn’t give a rat’s ass about intellectual property.