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You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2008 / John +12 Speaks

John +12 Speaks

by John Cole|  September 20, 200811:30 pm| 106 Comments

This post is in: Election 2008

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I know how to plant corn, make sauerkraut, pluck chickens, bail hay, slaughter animals, pickle beets and other vegetables, make bread, can vegetables, and milk cow and goats. I know how to cut wood, plow land, and fish.

The fact that you stupid mother fuckers are going to give away a trillion dolllars with no strings to the same douchebags that brought us the wildly successful Iraq War, while using the SAME FUCKING SCRIPT CHANGING ONLY THE CRISIS DU JOUR, does not bother me.

I will survive. Plus, I can afford to lose a little weight. I am a little pissed that the blackouts will hurt my internet access and my ability to play P.Funk after drinking a quart of vodka, but I will make it.

John +EleventyThree

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Reader Interactions

106Comments

  1. 1.

    Juan del Llano

    September 20, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    Yeah, but winter’s comin’ on. Dang. Well, I’m too fat too.

  2. 2.

    The Moar You Know

    September 20, 2008 at 11:36 pm

    I can make beer, acoustic guitars (with hand tools if absolutely necessary, but I’d prefer not), and ammunition. I believe I will thrive in the New Apocalypse.

  3. 3.

    cleek

    September 20, 2008 at 11:37 pm

    i can write C++ – it’ll be an essential skill, when the aliens invade and you need someone to whip-up a OOMFCSTL virus.

  4. 4.

    Paul in Boca

    September 20, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    John, Do you like wine? I’ve been in the wine business 25 years and I’ve built up a fair collection. I’d like to think that with your skills and my collection, that we can do some bartering here. Hmmmm. John needs to lose a little weight, Juan says he is fat, too, and I’ll join the club because I’m carrying the Michelin Man around where my once svelte tummy used to be.

  5. 5.

    michelle

    September 20, 2008 at 11:42 pm

    I can hoe cotton and move irrigation pipe. I am also desperate to stay up for another 2 1/2 hours to save my $450 investment in a generator, so my neighbor can watch reruns until 2 am because I’m a sucker, I guess.

    Which strangly now seems relevant. Or not.

  6. 6.

    Mike P.

    September 20, 2008 at 11:44 pm

    I can make kids real good!

    Damn, I’m going to starve. At least the kids’ll have something to eat.

  7. 7.

    Jim Henley

    September 20, 2008 at 11:44 pm

    I’m friends with a farm family just south of the PA state line. Their horse stables are almost preternaturally clean. I’m hoping they’ll take me on as a hand. I’ll bring my border collies as part of the deal.

  8. 8.

    The Other Steve

    September 20, 2008 at 11:48 pm

    i can write C++ – it’ll be an essential skill, when the aliens invade and you need someone to whip-up a OOMFCSTL virus.

    Do you know why the Roman Civilization failed?

    It’s quite simple really. Not having the concept of zero, they were not able to determine a successful return value from their function calls.

  9. 9.

    jake

    September 20, 2008 at 11:49 pm

    I know how to make trouble.

    If things go all fruit shaped I plan to cull the vast herds of lobbyists, Congress critters and assorted hangers on that roam across the DC/Metro area.

    Fat bastard, it’s whats for dinner.

  10. 10.

    PeterJ

    September 20, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    Fake as hell, but still funny:

    Cease and Desist, You Old Fart

  11. 11.

    Ted

    September 20, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    GOD, I love pickled beets.

  12. 12.

    zuzu's petals

    September 21, 2008 at 12:01 am

    I’m a retired lawyer.

    I am so screwed.

  13. 13.

    McMillan

    September 21, 2008 at 12:04 am

    Most of my skills involve manipulating molecules and figuring out things that even make other scientists ask me what it’s useful for. Damn I’m screwed. Though I have access to yeast, and the thread a while back about home brewing was making me feel inspired. Anybody want to take on an apprentice?

  14. 14.

    Keith

    September 21, 2008 at 12:07 am

    It’s quite simple really. Not having the concept of zero, they were not able to determine a successful return value from their function calls.

    The Romans didn’t have exceptions?

  15. 15.

    Alan

    September 21, 2008 at 12:08 am

    My grandmother told me shoe repair was one of the better skills back during Great Depression 1.

  16. 16.

    The Moar You Know

    September 21, 2008 at 12:09 am

    McMillan: go here. Start reading before all the lights go off. With a chem background you should pick it up real fast.

  17. 17.

    Seanly

    September 21, 2008 at 12:09 am

    I have a good store of body fat. I remember most of my Boy Scout skills. And my wife is getting into gardening. I don’t know if structural engineering will be handy in the coming Fallout games/Mad Max-like future.

  18. 18.

    wasabi gasp

    September 21, 2008 at 12:11 am

    I can write tunes. I can sing tunes. I can beg for change.

  19. 19.

    The Moar You Know

    September 21, 2008 at 12:12 am

    Alan Says:

    My grandmother told me shoe repair was one of the better skills back during Great Depression 1.

    This would be an awesome skill to have for the Apocalypse.

  20. 20.

    Jeff Fecke

    September 21, 2008 at 12:14 am

    I’m a writer! So, yeah, I’m screwed. At least I’m fat — I’ll last a good while, and I can probably sell myself for meat to set my daughter up okay.

  21. 21.

    Alan

    September 21, 2008 at 12:21 am

    The Great Depression lasted a bit longer than it took to claim excess fat on people’s waist. Shoe repair puts a time perspective on how long the economic hardship may endure.

  22. 22.

    Martin

    September 21, 2008 at 12:22 am

    Well, I might be a SoCal elite in my coiffed neighborhood who grew up in NYC, but I’ve got you all beat.

    I can do structural construction all the way to fine furniture. I can operate a variety of farm machinery, grow my own food, cook, can, pickle, and brew pretty much anything I need. I have broad engineering skills and deep knowledge of practical physics and chemistry. I can wire a house and handle plumbing. I’m pretty skilled with concrete and masonry. I can mill a tree into lumber, handle a chainsaw, and have split more firewood than I could recount. I can sew, though not as well as my wife, who could make all of our clothing if need be. I can catch fish with an impromptu fishing setup and trap and dress small game.

    My grandfather, an engineer, built his own house, macgyvered up shit like you wouldn’t believe, grew most of the food for the family, and taught me everything he could.

    Send my family out into the wilderness with a covered wagon and a dog named Jack and we’d do just fine.

  23. 23.

    Delia

    September 21, 2008 at 12:23 am

    I can write stuff. I know what happened to the Romans and the French but nobody cares. I can grow tomatoes but only in the summer. I’m pretty much screwed.

  24. 24.

    michelle

    September 21, 2008 at 12:23 am

    wasabi I think Shirley Temple played nude and made her mom money. Can you do that?

  25. 25.

    michelle

    September 21, 2008 at 12:24 am

    reruns have +12 commercials

  26. 26.

    Alan

    September 21, 2008 at 12:25 am

    Make sure your chickens are Long Island Reds….they make the best eggs. :)

  27. 27.

    Tax Analyst

    September 21, 2008 at 12:28 am

    Well whatever happens there are always going to be Income Taxes. I’m not sure exactly who will have income, though.

  28. 28.

    The Moar You Know

    September 21, 2008 at 12:29 am

    Martin – one of things I deeply regret not learning from my grandfather is canning/jarring. Any resources you can recommend?

  29. 29.

    wasabi gasp

    September 21, 2008 at 12:32 am

    Can you do that?

    Sadly, I cannot get Shirley Temple to play nude and make her mom some money.

  30. 30.

    AmIDreaming

    September 21, 2008 at 12:36 am

    The Romans didn’t have exceptions?

    Irrelevant. The Romans had no Frisbees, therefore they had neither catch nor throw.

  31. 31.

    Phoenician in a time of Romans

    September 21, 2008 at 12:40 am

    I’m a retired lawyer.
    I am so screwed.

    I’m a librarian.

    Then again, I’m also a New Zealander. Due to Treasury being run by a tight-assed Scottish bastard for the last few years, we’re in a good position.

    I should be okay.

    (We have skilled immigrant categories. I suspect “investment bankers” will not be considered.)

  32. 32.

    Delia

    September 21, 2008 at 12:41 am

    My neighbors have chickens. Maybe they’ll let me have a few eggs. Or help me build a hen house and give me a couple of chicks.

  33. 33.

    nicethugbert

    September 21, 2008 at 12:56 am

    I can’t help but think of Alaska, without the universal welfare.

  34. 34.

    wasabi gasp

    September 21, 2008 at 1:00 am

    Its kind of quaint to think how skills will come in handy if and when society crumbles to the functionality of a bygone era.

    Milking your cow for the guy who has a gun pointed at your head will make a lovely subject for a Neo-Rockwell painting.

  35. 35.

    Garrigus Carraig

    September 21, 2008 at 1:02 am

    If my ex in Aotearoa were single, I could probably make something happen. Alas, she is not.

    At night, the ice weasels come.

  36. 36.

    Shouting at the Rain

    September 21, 2008 at 1:03 am

    Apples. I have a couple apple trees. I will sell apples on the street corners. Maybe pencils, too. I got LOTS of pencils.

    All I need is an adorable dancing monkey and an organ to grind. Make of that what you will…

  37. 37.

    Mike B.

    September 21, 2008 at 1:08 am

    The only survival skills I have are a few tricks picked up from Bear Grylls on TV — squeezing water out of elephant dung and scavenging zebra carrion. After the elephant and zebra at the San Francisco Zoo are done with, what then? Here in the Bay Area there aren’t even many of the lobbyists, Congress critters and fat bastards that Jake will have to hunt in the DC area. Have you seen Pelosi?

  38. 38.

    Jeff

    September 21, 2008 at 1:10 am

    I have Parkinson’s, my daughter has a breathing tube. We’re screwed, unless McCain can make the healthcare system work as well as the banking industry.

  39. 39.

    Garrigus Carraig

    September 21, 2008 at 1:15 am

    Is it crazy to suggest that things will improve next week, once we’ve been taken over by the Kingdom of Spain?

  40. 40.

    The Moar You Know

    September 21, 2008 at 1:21 am

    Somebody want to explain to me why the 3rd Infantry Division’s 1st Brigade Combat Team is being set up “as an on-call federal response force for natural or manmade emergencies and disasters” starting October 1st?

    “They may be called upon to help with civil unrest and crowd control”

    Isn’t this a direct violation of the Posse Comitatus Act? I know damn well Congress didn’t sign off on this.

    I guess we’re going to get fascism all at once instead of in small doses.

    I knew I should have emigrated in 2006. Fuck.

  41. 41.

    Ditch Digger

    September 21, 2008 at 1:21 am

    I can make potable water go from Point A to Point B, i will be a god.

  42. 42.

    TheFountainHead

    September 21, 2008 at 1:22 am

    I’ll be the production manager for the revolution. You can motherfuckin’ bet it’ll be televised!

  43. 43.

    cmorenc

    September 21, 2008 at 1:24 am

    Will soccer refereeing skills be a useful thing to bring to the table after the financial apocalypse?

    I can yellow-card those who whine and complain too much. I love the pithy succinctness of the yellow card.

  44. 44.

    Phoenix Woman

    September 21, 2008 at 1:29 am

    Ian Welsh explains the nature of the holdup here.

    Meanwhile, Paulson is having a hissy fit over Dem efforts to limit executive compensation — he’s whining about “poison pills” and such crap.

  45. 45.

    Phoenix Woman

    September 21, 2008 at 1:35 am

    Funnily enough, the Cons haven’t had time to wreck the regulatory laws in Canada, and in any event Harper knows better than to throw too much money at them:

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/canadavotes/story/2008/09/19/harper-quebec.html?ref=rss

  46. 46.

    james

    September 21, 2008 at 1:35 am

    Gonna be an interesting day when Blackwater puts down the first food riots. I’m seriously afraid for you guys.

    I’m Canadian and don’t have any friends in the US, so I guess I can sponsor a refugee claim or two. That’s not a joke. I wish it was, but it’s not.

  47. 47.

    protected static

    September 21, 2008 at 1:38 am

    P.W. – Ian explained it all too well… :-(

    Can’t slaughter animals, but I can forge, shape, and sharpen the knife blade for ya. Beyond that, well… I dunno. I still remember how to zero in an AR, I guess…

  48. 48.

    Ted

    September 21, 2008 at 1:39 am

    I really wish I didn’t work for a company right now whose prime customers are brokerage firms and other major banks.

  49. 49.

    tBone

    September 21, 2008 at 1:41 am

    I’ve got land with plenty of game animals and fish, pasture ground and several hundred acres of fertile riverbottom cropland. Now I just need to line up more people and guns to defend it all. Who’s in?

  50. 50.

    Brachiator

    September 21, 2008 at 1:48 am

    I will survive. Plus, I can afford to lose a little weight. I am a little pissed that the blackouts will hurt my internet access and my ability to play P.Funk after drinking a quart of vodka, but I will make it.

    Benjamin Franklin believed in the United States of America:

    Franklin bequeathed £1,000 (about $4,400 at the time) each to the cities of Boston and Philadelphia, in trust to gather interest for 200 years. The trust began in 1785 when a French mathematician named Charles-Joseph Mathon de la Cour wrote a parody of Franklin’s “Poor Richard’s Almanack” called “Fortunate Richard.” Mocking the unbearable spirit of American optimism represented by Franklin, the Frenchman wrote that Fortunate Richard left a small sum of money in his will to be used only after it had collected interest for 500 years.

    Franklin, who was 79 years old at the time, wrote to the Frenchman, thanking him for a great idea and telling him that he had decided to leave a bequest of 1,000 pounds each to his native Boston and his adopted Philadelphia.

    As of 1990, more than $2,000,000 had accumulated in Franklin’s Philadelphia trust, which had loaned the money to local residents. From 1940 to 1990, the money was used mostly for mortgage loans. When the trust came due, Philadelphia decided to spend it on scholarships for local high school students. Franklin’s Boston trust fund accumulated almost $5,000,000 during that same time, and was used to establish a trade school that became the Franklin Institute of Boston.

    Franklin looked into the future, and had faith that the country he helped to create would thrive, despite the threats posed to it by monarchies, theocracies and any other force — foreign or domestic — opposed to the ideals of democracy, no matter how tattered.

    Today, right now, we stand at an odd crossroads. There are some deeply committed to failed conservative vision, who view every crisis as an opportunity to impose a crabbed and secretive authoritarian state. There are others, afraid to entrust their future to a black man who believes in the promise of America more than they do themselves, who are tempted to turn to a shell of a man who was a former POW and his addle-brained sidekick running mate.

    Despite these challenges, I sincerely doubt that Franklin would have an ounce of patience for anyone who would think it acceptable that the nation degenerate into a gaggle of survivalists, scratching their asses and eating the occasional squirrel.

    And whose to say that the Russians or the Chinese might take pity on a Dark Ages survivalist America, and launch a few nukes to put it out of its misery.

    On the other hand, rather than merely surviving, it might actually be fun to fight to re-establish democracy and the Constitution. You might even be surprised to discover how many are willing to stand with you.

  51. 51.

    Delia

    September 21, 2008 at 1:51 am

    My daughter’s in a grad program in Canada. It’s a crappy liberal arts master’s program, but still, maybe she can land a job up there. I can sell my house here for, say, the price of a train ticket to Canada, and go live with her.

    Hey, it could happen.

  52. 52.

    Martin

    September 21, 2008 at 1:55 am

    Martin – one of things I deeply regret not learning from my grandfather is canning/jarring. Any resources you can recommend?

    Pretty much any book on canning will do. I’ve got some ancient Sunset book that I always go back to. It’s actually quite easy for most things. To get started you only need about $20 of specialized equipment assuming you have a large pot already and jars. The equipment is often sold in a set and even here in SoCal you can find a set at Bed, Bath and Beyond and stores like that. I can usually find jars at the local grocery stores, Ace hardware, even some of the drug stores.

    Some foods like low-acid vegetables need to be pressure canned, and that’s more expensive to get into since you need a large pressure cooker to do it right, but most fruits and acidic vegetables like tomatoes can be done in a large standard pot. It’s a fairly labor and time intensive process, and that’s really the challenge with canning. It’s not hard to get right, but when I do canning, that’s basically all I do for that day. There’s a good bit of setup and breakdown time, so I make the most of it.

    Once you get the basic technique down (which is pretty damn easy) it’s mostly a matter of consulting the book to see how each food type needs to be prepped. I’ve never had a jar go off (knocks wood) to my knowledge.

    Ball has a surprisingly decent website to get started from with slideshow tutorials, guides, and links to other canning resources.

  53. 53.

    ninerdave

    September 21, 2008 at 2:37 am

    At least with the AIG bail out we get 11% interest on the loan and an 80% stake in the company as collateral.

    This bailout? Not a goddamn thing.

  54. 54.

    CDB

    September 21, 2008 at 2:38 am

    Bullets are a good investment. Think about what guns are most common and buy bullets to match. You can easily trade your cheaply bought bullets for whatever gun they match over time. Don’t bother buying guns… bullets are much more valuable.

  55. 55.

    ninerdave

    September 21, 2008 at 2:42 am

    …and another thing.

    I’ve been watching Memeorandum all day and have noticed a complete lack of wingnut blogs.

    Strange, ain’t it? (rhetorical)

  56. 56.

    Tax Analyst

    September 21, 2008 at 2:52 am

    Brachiator says:

    On the other hand, rather than merely surviving, it might actually be fun to fight to re-establish democracy and the Constitution. You might even be surprised to discover how many are willing to stand with you.

    Brachiator, your whole post was excellent, but in a moment of seriousness I wanted to thank you and second your call for a more involved and thoughtful role for our citizenry.

    I think a lot of our collective discouragement comes from KNOWING how bad a choice John McCain would be and also knowing how much potential Barack Obama appears to have. This doesn’t seem at all like two hacks running here. We have one hack and one exceptionally bright man who seems to want pretty much what we all want. The discouragement eminates from the apparent mind-boggling closeless that current polling numbers seem to foretell. I THINK more people will realize how poorly McCain/Palin would serve us, and it is possible that at some point they will also realize how very critical it is that we elect someone COMPETENT to try and deal with the mess facing us. That could mean an Obama landslide, and I think that would make a lot of folks here a little more optimistic about things.

    But I could be wrong.

  57. 57.

    Glocksman

    September 21, 2008 at 3:07 am

    But I could be wrong.

    I’m afraid you underestimate the sheer fucking stupidity of a lot of voters.
    To many so-called ‘Christians’ (I know real Christians, and the Bush fundies aren’t Christians), the only issues that concern them are abortion, gays, and ‘God’.

    As long as the Republicans pay lip service to those issues, then they’ll vote Republican even if the bailout plan involved feeding their children to wolf packs.

  58. 58.

    TenguPhule

    September 21, 2008 at 3:10 am

    “They may be called upon to help with civil unrest and crowd control”

    Isn’t this a direct violation of the Posse Comitatus Act? I know damn well Congress didn’t sign off on this.

    I guess we’re going to get fascism all at once instead of in small doses.

    If a bunch of Iraqis using $10 equipment can take out the best in American technology, imagine what the people here can do.

  59. 59.

    TenguPhule

    September 21, 2008 at 3:14 am

    You can easily trade your cheaply bought bullets for whatever gun they match over time.

    Trade?

    What is this trade you speak of?

    Stick em up!

  60. 60.

    Glocksman

    September 21, 2008 at 3:17 am

    Am I the only one reminded by John’s OP of the Hank Jr. song A Country Boy Can Survive?

    For you heathens who don’t like country music, here’s the lyrics:

    The preacher man says it’s the end of time
    And the Mississippi River she’s a goin’ dry
    The interest is up and the Stock Markets down
    And you only get mugged
    If you go downtown

    I live back in the woods, you see
    A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
    I got a shotgun rifle and a 4-wheel drive
    And a country boy can survive
    Country folks can survive

    I can plow a field all day long
    I can catch catfish from dusk till dawn
    We make our own whiskey and our own smoke too
    Ain’t too many things these ole boys can’t do
    We grow good ole tomatoes and homemade wine
    And a country boy can survive
    Country folks can survive

    Because you can’t starve us out
    And you cant makes us run
    Cause one-of- ‘em old boys raisin ole shotgun
    And we say grace and we say Ma’am
    And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

    We came from the West Virginia coalmines
    And the Rocky Mountains and the and the western skies
    And we can skin a buck; we can run a trot-line
    And a country boy can survive
    Country folks can survive

    I had a good friend in New York City
    He never called me by my name, just hillbilly
    My grandpa taught me how to live off the land
    And his taught him to be a businessman
    He used to send me pictures of the Broadway nights
    And I’d send him some homemade wine

    But he was killed by a man with a switchblade knife
    For 43 dollars my friend lost his life
    Id love to spit some beechnut in that dudes eyes
    And shoot him with my old 45
    Cause a country boy can survive
    Country folks can survive

    Cause you can’t starve us out and you can’t make us run
    Cause one-of-’em old boys raisin ole shotgun
    And we say grace and we say Ma’am
    And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

    We’re from North California and south Alabam
    And little towns all around this land
    And we can skin a buck; we can run a trot-line
    And a country boy can survive
    Country folks can survive

  61. 61.

    Person of Choler

    September 21, 2008 at 4:13 am

    Sounds like Big Bad John just connected with his inner Sarah Palin.

  62. 62.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    September 21, 2008 at 4:24 am

    Monday morning call your Congress critter and both Senators. Thers had this:

    I think everyone who reads this blog who’s American, first thing on Monday morning, needs to call their Representatives and Senators and say: No. Blank. Checks. For. Crooks.

    And I’ll second that, because the Bush Plan (or lack there of) is once again the criminal rat-bastards stealing from us, get rich, then make us pay for the crimes! This is a bad plan and it has to be killed now. Kill it first. Then worry about what to do once this non-starter is dead.

    Any reason why Bush and Cheney shouldn’t be impeached and hanged alongside these Wall Street criminals? I can’t think of one.

  63. 63.

    fledermaus

    September 21, 2008 at 4:27 am

    I’m just glad to be on the west coast, lookin’ east and wondering what the hell is going on over there

  64. 64.

    fledermaus

    September 21, 2008 at 4:33 am

    also

    I for one, welcome our new banker overlords and remind them that I am skilled at shameless flattery

  65. 65.

    zuzu's petals

    September 21, 2008 at 4:41 am

    Tch tch:

    John McCain is making a big show of criticizing the government “bailout” of insurance giant AIG. But it turns out that AIG, which received $85 billion in US tax dollars earlier this week, is one of the largest donors to McCain’s pet think tank, the comically named “Reform Institute,” which he co-founded in 2001 “in direct response to the millions of Americans who, during the 2000 presidential campaign, expressed profound disillusionment with corrupt fundraising activities.”

    Apparently, AIG was so troubled over the issue of corrupt fundraising activities that they loaded in as one of the top VIP donors in McCain’s nonprofit think-tank, whose website lists AIG in the “over $50,000” donor category–although exactly how much over that $50,000 is still unclear. Nor is it clear why AIG had any business donating so much money to a think tank whose work in no way overlapped with the insurance company’s–unless, of course, that money was just meant to gain access to McCain.


    Bankrupt AIG Underwrote McCain’s ‘Reform Institute’

  66. 66.

    bago

    September 21, 2008 at 4:43 am

    Bullets are a good investment. Think about what guns are most common and buy bullets to match. You can easily trade your cheaply bought bullets for whatever gun they match over time. Don’t bother buying guns… bullets are much more valuable.

    This sounds like a chris rock skit.

  67. 67.

    Brachiator

    September 21, 2008 at 4:45 am

    Glocksman Says:

    As long as the Republicans pay lip service to those issues, then they’ll vote Republican even if the bailout plan involved feeding their children to wolf packs.

    I don’t know which is worse, venal Republicans or craven Democrats. Here are Pelosi and Reid, past masters of capitulation, assuming the position again:

    The government must bail out the financial system “because if we don’t, it will have a tremendous impact on American consumers, homeowners, taxpayers and the rest,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., said in San Francisco.

    But, she added, “We cannot deal with this unless this bailout helps families stay in their homes.”

    Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev. said “we cannot allow ourselves to be in denial about the threat now facing the world economy. From all indications, that threat is real, and the consequences of inaction could be catastrophic. Every single American has a stake in preventing a global financial meltdown.”

    The proposal would raise the statutory limit on the national debt from $10.6 trillion to $11.3 trillion to make room for the massive rescue.

    But here’s the deal. The Bush/Cheney Syndicate has had an agenda from the beginning to dismantle every Democratic program that has existed from FDR’s New Deal through LBJ’s Great Society and beyond. Fannie Mae, for example, was founded as a government agency in 1938 as part of Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s New Deal to provide liquidity to the mortgage market. Ironic, but standard operating system, that Bush is more interested in helping “markets” than people.

    But their play is always the same. When the price of gas shot up, Bush was at the ready to end the moratorium on offshore drilling, and insisting that Congress act immediately to back him. And after months of insisting that
    the economy was fine, how does Bush react to the financial market meltdown:

    “We’re going to work with Congress to get a bill done quickly,” President Bush said at the White House. Without discussing specifics, he said, “This is a big package because it was a big problem.”

    The proposal is a mere three pages long, but it gives sweeping powers to the government to dispense gigantic sums of taxpayer dollars in a program that would be sheltered from court review….

    Bush sidestepped questions about the chances of adding [middle class assistance items sponsored by Democrats], saying that now was not the time for posturing. “I think most leaders would understand we need to get this done quickly, and you know, the cleaner the better,” he said about legislation being drafted.

    What an amazing coincidence that Bush has ready this three page proposal that can be easily expanded into full legislation, complete with unchallengeable powers. Wow. It looks just like all his other power-grab proposals. All it needs is a rubber stamp.

    It will be very interesting to see whether the masses of the people fall for this again. But even if they do, and even if in some fit of madness voters elect John McCain, it only means that the hard work will lie ahead.

    I’ve lived on ranches, but I far prefer high civilization. And again I have to fall back upon Dr. Franklin rather than indulge defeatist fantasies about retreating into the woods.

    Franklin rallied the colonies to come together during the French and Indian Wars through the use of a cartoon with a simple message. The cartoon was “a woodcut showing a snake severed into eighths, with each segment labeled with the initial of a British American colony or region.”

    The message? Join or Die.

  68. 68.

    zuzu's petals

    September 21, 2008 at 5:02 am

    Slightly OT, but here is a clip with the English version of the interview where McCain insults the President of Spain:

    McCain vs. Spain

  69. 69.

    Paulie Chestnuts

    September 21, 2008 at 5:12 am

    The hell with you country folks that got us in this mess in the first place.

    Maybe if you weren’t so damn terrified of people that don’t look like you, go to your church, or otherwise live their lives differently, you wouldn’t be so set on taking out your frustrations on the rest of the world.

    I spend some time in both ‘worlds’, so to speak, and I will put up your niceness against anyone else’s but JESUS CHRIST it wouldn’t hurt for some of you to step out of your comfort zone once in a while.

  70. 70.

    myiq2xu

    September 21, 2008 at 5:29 am

    Monday morning call your Congress critter and both Senators.

    That worked so well with FISA

    Any reason why Bush and Cheney shouldn’t be impeached and hanged alongside these Wall Street criminals? I can’t think of one.

    Hanging is too quick and painless.

    Strip all of them of everything they own except one set of clothes and a “Will Work For Food” sign. Then drop them off in an inner city.

  71. 71.

    myiq2xu

    September 21, 2008 at 5:32 am

    The hell with you country folks that got us in this mess in the first place.

    Which country are you talking about?

    Saudi Arabia? China?

  72. 72.

    Johnny Pez

    September 21, 2008 at 5:37 am

    McCain insults the President of Spain

    Nitpick: Prime Minister. It was McCain’s dumbass foreign policy advisor who called him the President of Spain.

    Oh yeah, and since I live in a seaport I figure I can get work as a pirate. Arrr!

  73. 73.

    TenguPhule

    September 21, 2008 at 5:44 am

    The message? Join or Die.

    Hang together or Hang Seperately.

  74. 74.

    zzyzx

    September 21, 2008 at 6:28 am

    I’m a nearsighted, aging, out of shape computer programmer. Let’s keep the party going for another 30-40 years so I can live out the rest of my life, ok?

  75. 75.

    PlaneCrazy

    September 21, 2008 at 6:37 am

    I can build furniture using no electrons at all. I have my workshop up in a spare bedroom since there are no loud, dust-spewing machines. I do use a radio, but that’s optional.

    I will need a good blacksmith to keep me in blades eventually, but I’ve got quite enough tools for the time being. I had better get that replacement oilstone I’ve been meaning to get. And a big ax for felling trees for the wood I’ll need. Oh, no, I have to buy more tools! :-)

    Plane (yeah, that kind, not the flying kind) Crazy

  76. 76.

    AkaDad

    September 21, 2008 at 7:05 am

    I know where all the rich people live.

  77. 77.

    dbrown

    September 21, 2008 at 7:15 am

    This whole fucking election is a bad rerun of blazing saddles. Will the sheriff really get the job or will the lackey?

    As for survivalist – you don’t know shit now that all bets are off on climate. When to plant? Opps, frost in June. When it will rain and not flood or just run a drought most of the summer after spring floods? Bitter cold in November but then long periods of heat in the middle of February.
    Then the Corporations have to be dealt with. Like who will own all means of real production; fuel available, right. Got oxen? Any farmer knows today now to plow using animals and not use fertilizer or pesticides? Yields are really interesting then. Of course, seed will be readily available except it will all be genetically modified not to have viable seed … that is, until the corps get their 50% cut.
    Grow up and face the world. This county is worth saving if we hand together rather then hang separately (Remember that quote from history class?)

  78. 78.

    Paulie Chestnuts

    September 21, 2008 at 7:21 am

    Which country are you talking about?

    I should have been more specific — this was directed to one Mr.Charlie Daniels.

  79. 79.

    SGEW

    September 21, 2008 at 7:26 am

    Somehow I suspect that my legal knowledge, guitar chops (punk/bluegrass), film/theater skills, and literary abilities will do me very little good in the New Dark Ages everyones’ worrying about.

    Well, I do know how to draw. Maybe I can be a limner.

  80. 80.

    Conservatively Liberal

    September 21, 2008 at 8:03 am

    I will survive because I work with my hands. I can wire, modify, fix or rebuild any car, truck, boat, motorcycle and RV powertrain or related systems. I was a USCG certified electrician, marine electrical systems designer and ASE certified mechanic, I can professionally paint cars, guitars or anything else plus I am an all out computer geek and run my own local computer business. I fix everything I own and I have never had to hire someone to do something I already know how to do or am willing to learn.

    My wife gardens, raises her own herbs and cooks everything from scratch. She knits, sews and crochets. She is a violinist and I am a guitarist, so we even have our entertainment covered! ;) She knits and hands out knitted gifts to friends and family, which comes in handy if you ever need a favor from them in the future. She keeps the skids greased by keeping a few of the local cops wives, a local vet and numerous other people happy with her gifting. Her Mom was the same way, friends all over the place that she could call upon if needed because she had a tremendous amount of good will built up with them.

    People who are good with their hands will do ok and those who are not good are going to have problems making ends meet. When things go to shit, it is nice to have some skills to fall back on. I do a lot of horse trading now, and I bet there will even be more as things get worse. Barter works, and if you can get into doing it then do so.

  81. 81.

    chopper

    September 21, 2008 at 8:03 am

    i know how to make and use and grow and cook most everything. thank fucking god, its not that i think i’ll have to use those skills but it always makes me feel a lot better in weeks like this.

  82. 82.

    SGEW

    September 21, 2008 at 8:07 am

    People who are good with their hands will do ok and those who are not good are going to have problems making ends meet.

    I’m good with my hands . . . but not at anything that would actually help my survival. Post-Apocalypse scenarios rarely have a place for a camera technician or a stage hand.

    I do a lot of horse trading now . . . .

    Hey, you’re qualified to be the head of F.E.M.A.!

    Heckofa job, ConservaLibby.

  83. 83.

    Shinobi

    September 21, 2008 at 8:18 am

    Thank god I live with a country boy. (I see the ongoing problems with the deer population being resolved fairly easily in the near future.)

  84. 84.

    JayMi

    September 21, 2008 at 8:25 am

    I am learning to knit and crochet. So I’ll make the socks and blankets. Would that I had become a doctor rather than test code in the software mines.

  85. 85.

    Paulie Chestnuts

    September 21, 2008 at 8:46 am

    Let’s see… my skills are mostly lab medicine and computer stuff.

    I guess it’s back to rentin’ out my ass.

  86. 86.

    HRA

    September 21, 2008 at 8:54 am

    I can barely know where to start here. I do know how to grow a garden, can the food, sew, knit, and have had the experience of keeping a family of 8 out of debt on a meager salary. That was quite a while ago. You are telling me I have to go back to my worst times?
    I see where I may have to re-instate my Canadian natural citizenship, too. That is not as easy as I once found out when I tried to get a copy of my birth certificate and even contacted the hospital where I was born without any success. TG the church in Detroit where I was baptized had that certificate of baptismal.
    Those are my options? Scary!

  87. 87.

    tim

    September 21, 2008 at 8:59 am

    Ahhh…the long, slow, but entertaining slide into alcoholic oblivion continues. haha

  88. 88.

    Ted

    September 21, 2008 at 9:08 am

    Bashing McCain’s staff is fun and profitable yet-Small nit
    Nitpick: Prime Minister. It was McCain’s dumbass foreign policy advisor who called him the President of Spain.

    Spain is indeed a constitutional monarchy.

    However, the Spanish constitution refers to the leader of government as president, and so do Spaniards, Spanish media and protocol. All leaders of Spain’s regional autonomies are known as “presidents” too.
    José Luis Rodriguez Zapatero is often called “prime minister” by foreign media, within his own country he is known as the President of Spain or Presidente of Government.

    http://www.la-moncloa.es/Presidente/Biografia/default.htm
    http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/03/09/europe/09Zapatero.php

  89. 89.

    grumpy realist

    September 21, 2008 at 9:23 am

    Hmm. Theoretical physicist, that’s not very useful. Patent law–not very useful. Know how to make biodiesel out of waste cooking oil, saddle a camel, sew, knit, quilt, make and keep fires going, make maple syrup, boondoggle stuff together. Oh, garden, and make mochi the old fashioned way (with wooden mallets.) If I can get my ass back to Upstate New York I think I’ll make out pretty well…

    Oh, and Moar? Don’t forget the layer of paraffin on top of the jellies when you jar them….

  90. 90.

    LiberalTarian

    September 21, 2008 at 10:00 am

    I’m with John. We’ll need some squirrels to run the generator. :D

  91. 91.

    Tsulagi

    September 21, 2008 at 10:20 am

    I know how to plant corn, make sauerkraut, pluck chickens, bail hay…

    All good skills if the Idiocracy continues running. But it looks like The Decider is looking to step up his game a notch or two on his way out. Experience you can count on. All we would need is a President Palin bringing her expertise on the Russians and energy to cement the transition from Idiocracy to Mad Max days.

    I’ve got a fast car and two full gun cabinets. All I need is to make some hillbilly armor, hoard gas, and I’ll be set. All you electric hybrid owners are gonna be road kill.

  92. 92.

    nicethugbert

    September 21, 2008 at 10:40 am

    I know how to recycle for profit. Start up costs are virtually nil. I’ll show you guys how to do it. It is soooooooooo easy even a bum can do it.

  93. 93.

    nicethugbert

    September 21, 2008 at 10:51 am

    LiberalTarian Says:

    I’m with John. We’ll need some squirrels to run the generator. :D

    Psst, I have a spare squirrel costume. …

  94. 94.

    Soylent Green

    September 21, 2008 at 10:59 am

    What good will those practical country-boy survival skills be when the desperate starving masses from the cities overrun the countryside? You won’t have enough ammunition to shoot them all.

    We are all in this mess together.

  95. 95.

    Lie baby, lie!

    September 21, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    John has Depression era skills. I learned today that we have more in common than I had imagined.

    But how is he going to protect his stock of food when the starving masses that don’t have any skills whatsoever (tv watching and shopping don’t count as useful skills) show up at his door with their hands out?

  96. 96.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    September 21, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    My grandmother told me shoe repair was one of the better skills back during Great Depression 1.

    I have experience in that!

  97. 97.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    September 21, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    What good will those practical country-boy survival skills be when the desperate starving masses from the cities overrun the countryside?

    We should find a nice tall mountain in West Virginia and build our compound atop it. A little razor wire, some cinderblock walls, maybe a drawbridge or two. The starving masses are a concern, but it only takes a few days to starve to death. After that J. Cole, our fearless warlord, will have things in hand.

    Any farmer knows today now to plow using animals and not use fertilizer or pesticides?

    Charring wood creates a pretty good fertilizer. Also don’t underestimate (as my great-grandmother used to say) good old farm shit. The main reason modern fertilizers replaced guano was because they’re easier to mass-produce.

  98. 98.

    zuzu's petals

    September 21, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    Johnny Pez Says:

    McCain insults the President of Spain

    Nitpick: Prime Minister. It was McCain’s dumbass foreign policy advisor who called him the President of Spain.

    I was going by the interviewer’s usage, and also CNN’s commentary.

    I guess the Spainards refer to him as “president” also:

    José Luis Rodriguez Zapatero: President of Spain

  99. 99.

    Jeff

    September 21, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    I know classical Greek and can complain about anything, so I should be fine. I’m really worried about the rest of you, though.

  100. 100.

    Krista

    September 21, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Needless to say, I am REALLY glad that we decided to put a wood stove in our new house.

    Might be time to stock up on ammo and learn how to salt and dry meat, though.

  101. 101.

    catatonia

    September 21, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    I know how to drink so heavily that I render myself insensate to whatever Armageddon you can pull out of the dark asses of our politico-economic elites.

  102. 102.

    Delia

    September 21, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    Oh wait. I thought of something I know. I’m a trained historian. I know all the essential plot lines of all the successful revolutions. That should come in handy right about now.

  103. 103.

    Matt

    September 21, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    Former farmboy, now elitist, says it’s “bale hay” not “bail hay”. Now how about giving the American people a baleout?

  104. 104.

    Rome Again

    September 22, 2008 at 3:34 am

    Do you know why the Roman Civilization failed?

    It’s quite simple really. Not having the concept of zero, they were not able to determine a successful return value from their function calls.

    They failed out of ignorance, we are failing out of stupidity.

    As for me, I know how to be a slave, but I’m not looking forward to the whip.

  105. 105.

    Visceral

    September 22, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    I started to read up on survival skills and homesteading, only to talk myself out of it because of how expensive all that land, equipment, and lessons in all the necessary skills would be – a hobby for the rich and paranoid if you ask me – especially when you’re a city slicker starting from scratch, and especially when your life depends on doing something well that you only just learned how to do.

    Hopefully our clients are rich enough to fare well like the rich did in Great Depression I and I can remain gainfully employed.

  106. 106.

    grendelkhan

    September 23, 2008 at 8:15 am

    Soylent Green: We are all in this mess together.

    A-frackin’-men. Don’t think that there’s any good way to survive your civilization crashing. We’ve got one of those, and if we can’t preserve it, not only are we fucked, then so’s the next generation and the next. We stand, as always, at a crossroads. Will The Enlightenment be an aberration, a brief flicker in a long night of barbarism with no dawn, or will we move forward–as a civilization–to, y’know, clean energy, a reasonable standard of living for everyone on the planet, true social justice, and all the Asimovian goodies we were told that the future promised?

    It’s important to remember what’s at stake. If this one falls, I don’t think our inheritors will get another chance.

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