With so many different kinds of insanity flying around at once, it helps to take a step back and appreciate the holistic implosion that is happening right now. We’re in the middle of a collapse so epic that it makes the Steelers-Cowboys superbowl look dignified. There isn’t a ray of light to be found for these guys. It’s like a race to the bottom where the GOP Congress, President thimblewit, Sarah “proof that Jesus loves Tina Fey” Palin and John McCain are all desperately vying to see who can become a living punchline first. Let me count the ways.
About why Secretary Paulson asked for seven hundred billion dollars:
“It’s not based on any particular data point,” a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. “We just wanted to choose a really large number.”
Across the country, satire writers sadly capped their pens and bookmarked monster.com.
Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin to name a time when John McCain gave more than rhetorical support to financial regulation (he did, once). Palin came up short. In fact the entire encounter was just as much of a disaster as her last real interview with Charlie Gibson.
At least Couric got verbal response, even if it didn’t techically count as an answer to a question. Other reporters would be so lucky
McCain then looked around the room and gestured as if to welcome questions. The AP reporter shouted a question at Gov. Palin (“Governor, what have you learned from your meetings?”) but McCain aide Brooke Buchanan intervened and shepherded everybody out of the room.
Palin looked surprised, leaned over to McCain and asked him a question, to which your pooler thinks he shook his head as if to say “No.”
Sarah Palin, living the feminist dream.
In related news, several pundits noted McCain’s polar swing from dissing economic concerns last Monday to hair-on-fire panic today. That sort of bipolar, crisis-to-crisis reactivity is normally taken as a sign that a person (or campaign) has no idea what is going on.
The Republican Study Committee, where the ideological stalwarts of the Congressional GOP call home, has a Very Serious Proposal(TM) : cut the capital gains tax. I wish that I was kidding. The rest of their fringe wish list makes even less sense.
…And then John McCain proposed his weird deal to stop campaigning and put off the debates. Then he put off Sarah Palin’s debate.
They’re all flailing. For a party that has trended towards irrelevance since America hit the practical limit of tax cuts and belligerent war during the first Bush term, history will remember this as the week when the GOP finally got there.
***Update***
An observation from the comments:
I’m still in shock over how terrible the Palin/Couric interview was. “Train wreck” is being charitable – it was more like a train derailing on a bridge, tumbling a thousand feet into a canyon and landing on a pile of old dynamite and gas drums. And then a jumbo jet crashed into the flaming wreckage. Followed by an earthquake that caused the whole mess to slide off a cliff into the sea, where the few miraculous survivors were eaten by sharks.
Conservatives sometimes remark that Sarah Palin must worry liberals since we can’t stop talking about her. Worry has nothing to do with it. You cannot look away.
fledermaus
That’s our mccain. He’s such a maverick you just don’t know what he’s gonna do next
Warren Terra
With apologies to cleek, from whom I’ve adapted it, I believe the LOLspeak terminology is:
EPIC FLAIL.
Just Some Fuckhead
Good post, Tim. Republican leaders aren’t serious. However, it might not matter to an unserious Republican electorate.
Comrade Tax Analyst
Yes, one thing that can certainly be said about this far-fetched farce of a campaign that John McCain has “organized” is that it is historic.
Honestly, any state that this man carries in the General Election should be quarantined to keep their abject stupidity away from the rest of us.
tBone
The McCain campaign has been experiencing a slow bleedout for a long time; today’s the day it finally turned into an arterial gusher. Good luck with that, guys!
I’m still in shock over how terrible the Palin/Couric interview was. “Train wreck” is being charitable – it was more like a train derailing on a bridge, tumbling a thousand feet into a canyon and landing on a pile of old dynamite and gas drums. And then a jumbo jet crashed into the flaming wreckage. Followed by an earthquake that caused the whole mess to slide off a cliff into the sea, where the few miraculous survivors were eaten by sharks.
kommrade jakevich
Well, you know. Carl Sagan used to say “Billions and billions of years ago,” and no one made a fuss.
So. We have the three page ransom note and the amount of the ransom was picked out of a goddamned hat.
Fuck you very much. Seriously, these bastards are just one step away from slapping on the Kevlar undershirt, grabbing the AK-47s and knocking over banks.
Looks like the weekend activities shall include a little marching up and down outside the Department of
TreacheryTreasury.Comrade Neal
I’ll see some history next week. Game 1 of the first playoff series in Rays franchise history. Got my tickets today.
Oh…McCain? I got nothing…but man, Letterman tore him apart tonight.
Comrade John Cole
It has been suggested that the McCain campaign is actually an elaborate act of performance art.
Comrade General Stuck
Pretty much sums up the sad state of affairs we are living through. Don’t know about anyone else, but I’m feeling very much embarrassed by it all. I just can’t get angry about this comedy of errors that is passing for an election to choose the leader of the worlds only superpower. A world that must be thinking we’ve all gone quite mad in the ole US of A.
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
All that and yet somehow roughly 44-47% of the inhabitants of our beloved country, when polled, say in effect: “Yep! I’ll take another glass of that. Make it a double and put it on my tab!”.
un-fuckin-believable.
Wasn’t it Einsten that said “two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity” ?
Bill H
Chris Mathews had a hilarious conversation on Rachel Maddow’s show about the McCain campaign, comparing it to a football game. Mathews kept saying that the public’s “default” is to change parties, and that whenever that happens McCain calls a “razzle dazzle” play: statue of liberty, fumble rooski, etc. Every time “circumstances inject into the campaign he calls another razzle dazzle.” He said that’s what this campaign suspension is; another “razzle dazzle play call.” He asks if that’s what America wants as president, “four years of razzle dazzle.” He was about as disgusted as I’ve ever seen him, which is saying something.
TenguPhule
Yes.
But he wasn’t certain about the universe.
SGEW
I’ve been saying that for a while too.
It’s the only thing that makes sense (besides the Hunter S. Thompson’s Ghost theory, naturally).
George Gowen
Mercy me. I believe it just may be possible that
no major party candidate in our history has had
a worse day on the ol’ campaign trail than Sen.
McCranky had today. Somebody may, indeed,
have spiked his Metamucil. And his response
calls to mind an old maxim from the Naval Service,
with which he is certainly familiar:
“When in danger or in doubt,
Run in circles, scream and shout.”
That is all.
kommrade jakevich
Yeah, it’s the sort where the guy drives nails through his skull with a sledgehammer and sets himself on fire for the finale.
However, after nearly eight years with these wanks I know they think this is the winningest statergery of all time. The RePukes will be shocked, shocked, if McPOW receives his ass on a platter AND they’ll be convinced that it’s because he wasn’t enough of a neo-con dickhead. That’s why tBone’s comment is more accurate.
And all the way down Casey McPOW shouts “Everything’s just fine!”
Comrade Kevin
Incoming from GOS
Comrade Tax Analyst
Shoot, and here I was, waiting to see what Moe was gonna do to those knuckleheads, Sarry and Curley John when he found out how bad they fucking things up. So I guess Moe isn’t in this episode then.
Still, I have to admit it’s been a pretty hilarious show, nyuck, nyuck…
Just Some Fuckhead
Hell, they never did figure out why they lost in 2006, still pointing fingers over that. So good fucking luck trying to solve the 2008 losses. They KNOW the brand is dog food, they just can’t figure out why the dogs won’t eat it.
Yukoner
A world that must be thinking we’ve all gone quite mad in the ole US of A.
Yes, I’m sorry to say, you have gone mad. Utterly bonkers. (Okay, about half of you have. But hell’s bells, I got embarassed watching those clips of the Rebuplican VP nominee and I’m not even American!) Surely in four years the GOP will not pick an even shallower more vapid nominee for either the top slot or VP? Please tell me you have reached the nadir?
dahankster
This is a campaign comedy for the new fall season right? It sure is hilarious! So good you can’t look away from that man and woman on fire.
Comrade Kolkhoznik Jon H
John – the China thing has been reported as being incorrect.
Either it’s really not true, or our ambassador just earned a cookie.
Comrade General Stuck
Probably not. Sarah Palin has designs for Canada. She can see you from her front porch mind you and she knows you got oil and gas, and a shitpot full of oil shale. She’s negotiating with God as we speak, and am sure she’ll get the go ahead for
Canada to be hers, all hers.
Beej
Yukoner, I’d like to believe we have, indeed, reached the nadir. But whenever I am inclined to think things have gotten as bad as they can get, that pesky quote from P.T. Barnum pops into my head: “You will never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”
I have seen nothing in my 60+ years on earth to convince me that old P.T. was wrong.
aarrgghh
if digby’s right (one of her readers, actually), then the sad answer to your question is the tiberius gambit:
it’s all about the ratfuck, folks.
Comrade Johnny Pez
This isn’t a presidential campaign, it’s a Spinal Tap concert.
jcricket
They “figured it out” in that they didn’t blink or hesitate to take decisive action. They knew right away that the problem was they weren’t bat-shit-crazy (read: conservative) enough. What they should have done is propose we eliminate all corporate and capital gains taxes and drop taxes on the rich while we’re at it. They should have proposed totally outlawing abortion, being gay, speaking Spanish, thinking about Jews in a nice way and visiting foreign countries.
As you said, the American public doesn’t want what the conservatives are selling, and the more conservative they get, the less they like it. I think the only thing Americans like less than actual libertarianism is the “faux” libertarianism (privatize the profits, socialize the costs) Republicans preach. At least with “tax and spend” liberals you might get a social program, national park or something.
With Republicans you just get ass-fucked by a crucifix and then they send you the hospital bill.
J@ne Futzinfarb
There’s a perfect filmclip for some enterprising blogger to juxtapose with this timeless gem. It’s from the movie “Twins”. The scene is setup when Danny DeVito’s character accidentally comes into possession of a complicated device. DeVito’s character has no idea of its value but nevertheless hatches a scheme to extort money in exchange for the device. Sitting in front of a phone preparing to place his extortion call, he writes down and auditions a series of wildly varying numbers, quickly crossing them off as he attempts to home in on the best sounding extortion amount.
Truly, truly, truth has become stranger than fiction.
Comrade Stalin
This show is good enough to get out of my crypt for.
So – what’s the razzle dazzle for?
1. Nationan Enquirer — I love my first dude’s bestest partner story?
2. Rick Davies? Rick Davies who?
3. The fundamentals are weakening?
4. My face is melting and I can’t be on TV?
5. We’ve run out of people to throw under the bus, de Rothschild will be next?
6. I don’t really know that much about the economy, and I know they’re going to want to ask me about that on Friday. And god forbid, they’ll also ask Sarah Failin’ about it on the 2nd. Noooooooo!
jcricket
C’mon, seriously? Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity. I don’t doubt that Bush and co have some cynical motives, but most of their fuckups seem less grand design and more believing your own bullshit and refusing to change course.
Even Bush Sr and Reagan acquiesced to raising taxes when it was obvious the supply side stuff was bullshit. Not so with the current crop of true believers.
Again, the government that can’t keep its story straight or avoid bad news for more than a day is not capable of some grand design to intentionally fuck over those who follow.
fledermaus
Yukoner,
We’re Americans. It’s stupid people all the way down
Comrade Stooleo
To push on aarrgghh’s point, McCain is the stool pigeon, the bagman, the ponzi. When it is all done, it won’t be Bush’s fault, it will be McCain’s fault. Bush will move to his ranch in Paraguay and McCain will be blamed for trashing the Republican brand. I sort of feel sorry for him, but like Bob Dole he felt that it was his turn and the presidency was owed to him.
Tragic for McCain, but now its about saving some semblance of a legacy for Bush and now the Rove ratfucking is going to be on McCain. Seriously, the end of the election will be the beginning of the ratfucking.
Comrade Stooleo reporting from Sock Factory 232, proud supplier for the Mother Country.
Yukoner
You guys are depressing me. (And I am depressing myself by recognizing that I am assuming an Obama/Biden win followed by a good chance that the Republicans deciding that the way to win is to offer up canidates that are not a national embarassment or batshit crazy, or both.)
Please, please do not let McCain/Palin win!
Blue Raven
I take cold comfort in knowing that not every reality TV show has become a hit. Someone took a bath on the US version of I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here
Fraud Guy
Wait a minute!
McCain has suspended his campaign. If he recuses himself, does that mean the Republicans can latch on to whoever is polling better than (or closer to) Obama at the time? They can claim he suffered a stroke, and then deliberate while running projections for their best bet.
Now, of course that may mean trying to explain why they were so gung ho for the policies of someone who was non compos mentis, but they have experience with that from the Reagan years. They drop McCain, say that the Palin choice was due to his mental aberrations, and pull out a Huckabee/Romney ticket?
Now if that is their strategy, they deserve to be outpolled by Nader and Barr.
aarrgghh
i’d agree with you if the two were mutually exclusive.
JGabriel
Comrade John Cole:
Ok, here’s my theory.
Having decided that McCain can’t win, Rove chose to use McCain’s campaign as an elaborate experiment to see exactly how much shit the GOP can get away with.
Every lie, every idiotic comment, every train wreck is being monitored for reaction from the press and the public.
For instance:
Or:
Or:
You get the picture.
.
JGabriel
I should add: Rove, et.al., will be using all of this research in 2012 or 2016.
For instance, they’ll tell Candidate X to say Bullshit Y. When Cand. X balks, saying, “No one will believe that shit”, they simply reply, “Yes, they will. Remember Sarah Palin?”
Unless, of course, Candidate X is Sarah Palin. She’ll trust them implicitly.
.
Equal Opportunity Cynic
It’s like a race to the bottom where the GOP Congress, President thimblewit, Sarah “proof that Jesus loves Tina Fey” Palin and John McCain are all desperately vying to see who can become a living punchline first.
What’s the “GOP Congress”? Did they win back the majority in a bunch of special elections I didn’t hear about?
No, I’m not trying to obscure the amount of destruction done by the Republicans when they controlled the whole government instead of just two branches. But I don’t get what you’re getting at with this phrase. Do you just mean Republicans in Congress?
Brachiator
Great googly moogly, the gloves were off. Letterman was mocking McCain early and often. And he did not spare Palin either.
And when it becomes available on the Letterman site, check out Dave’s Top 10 Questions People are Asking the McCain Campaign.
Letterman was having fun with the idea that since McCain had to go back to Washington, Palin should have shown up on his show instead, like the second string quarterback stepping up.
As an aside, Letterman noted that in the past McCain was sometimes booked when a guest failed to show up, and was considered to be a friend of the show. Hmmm. Let’s see. Didn’t McCain try to get some digs in against Obama for being a celebrity? But it’s McCain who is the eager show whore.
And I will bet you $700 billion that McCain will still show up on Letterman between now and November Election Day.
If I lose the bet, I will pay off either in Zimbabwe dollars or mortgage derivatives.
Martin
Go with Zimbabwe mortgage derivatives. You might even make money on that one.
Comrade Tax Analyst
If he does Dave should spring an “October Surprise” on him and book Paris Hilton. They could have a debate.
I won’t bet you that McCain won’t appear on Letterman before the election, but I’ll put $200 billion of it and take Paris Hilton if they have that Debate. She’ll tear him apart and won’t even need the guys that wrote that parody ad that answered the “Obama, the Celebrity” twaddle McCain was peddling.
El Cid
Note: Please forget the “George W. Bush will retire to Paraguay” line — it has become irrelevant since Paraguay was taken over by a fiery leftist rags-to-riches, former exile from the dictatorship hero bishop, Fernando Lugo.
No, I don’t think that’s the sort of environment a retired represented of direct U.S. imperialism would like to abscond.
But I do think George W. Bush Jr. is now the Carlos Salinas of U.S. politics — for years and years new discoveries of his thievery will pop up, and people will show up at any rally or whatever and burn a Bush Jr. effigy.
Well, if we’re lucky, and handing $700 billion to Hank Paulson to play with doesn’t generate new enemies we protest about from our new homes under bridges, standing around the trash can fires.
Comrade Vida Loca
If they’re going to book Paris Hilton anyhow they should skip McCain and get Palin to square off against her. Ratings gold!
maxbaer (not the original)
Ease up. McCain canceled the Letterman appearance for the good of the economy.
Napoleon
The McCain campaign is like a clown car where every day another series of clowns pop out and just when you think they can’t possibly have more clowns in there, out come some more.
I have never seen that movie but funny because in the TV show Taxi there is an show where Jim has wrecked a taxi and Devito is trying to come up with a number that Jim’s rich dad will flinch at, but pay. It is almost exactly the same thing.
Marshall
He did indeed. You can see it here. First some praise, then he tore him up.
McGovern. Eagleton. Electroshock therapy. August 1, 1972.
But we’re getting there.
boonagain
I really believe Sarah “Marge Gunderson” Palin’s obvious lobotomy is more significant than Eagleton’s electroshock!
Comrade Napoleon
The more I think about it I think it was the single worst day any campaign has has on the campaign trail in US Presidential election history (I think if he looses yesterday will look like McGovern/Eagleton in retrospect). But I am willing to bet that McPalin still has a little more in them and may yet out do themselves before it’s all over. If months ago I was granted superpower to sabotage McCain’s campaign I swear I would not have been able to do to him that he (and Palin) did to themselves yesterday.
Yet I bet he still gets 47% because we can’t have that black guy living in the big white house with his angry wife and secret Koran.
spence-bob
Conservatives sometimes remark that Sarah Palin must worry liberals since we can’t stop talking about her. Worry has nothing to do with it.
She worries the hell out of me, but not for the reasons conservatives imagine.
StealthBadger
Surely in four years the GOP will not pick an even shallower more vapid nominee for either the top slot or VP? Please tell me you have reached the nadir?
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!11*coughheezedie*
No.
Next election cycle, the GOP will be pushing candidates from the Texas State Legislature for national office.
You haven’t seen ANYTHING yet.
Neo
Isn’t this exactly what John McCain is doing ?
So it now takes an invitation from the President to get Obama to join in the discussions .. LOL
NonyNony
Yukoner –
You know, I’d love to be able to tell you that. But see, in 2000 I kinda figured that the GOP had reached its nadir by picking George W Bush. It seems I was wrong then, so I’m not putting any money on the GOP coming to its senses in the next 4 years.
Comrade Napoleon
Are you kidding, after this election they are bound to get rid of John B as minority leader in the house and double down on the stupid with Adam “Howdie Doodie” Putman and Patrick Henry. Then 4 years from now we will get some kind of Christianist candidate. People who are sane are switching to Dem which will leave an even more undiluted base of crazy in the primaries. I think you are looking 6 years or more out before they start to come out of it.
On other matters, one sweet thing about this election is the complete and total trashing of John McCain’s reputation. Not so much that I want to see that happen, but I like the fact that the press has to look themselves in the mirror now and wonder why they were so in the tank for him. They treated a complete incompetent as if he was some kind of second coming. Has anyone noticed that the so called “Dean” Broder has been completely silent on the biggest news story of this election cycle, the McCain meltdown?
Cassidy
I’ve got it….the major news networks, jealous that Comedy Central is the preferred source of news for young people, have subtly manipulated John McCain and his campaign so that they too can present news and comedy in one shot.
tBone
I think this the single best summation of the Republican governing philosophy that I’ve ever seen. Although “rape kit” might be more apropos here than “hospital.”
flingcom
everybody claims to be practical and best for the job…. but what do the americans think????
jcricket
Sure, if I were a better writer I would have said “ass-raped” and “bill for the rape kit”, but I’m not a better writer. You comment with the English you got, not the English you wish you had.
I will add that making people pay for their rape kits fits in nicely with the Republican mantra of “personal responsibility” and glibertarian philosophy of choice-driven-marketplace (“Don’t like being raped? Move your vagina somewhere else!”). So it’s not really a surprise.
Porlock Hussein Junior
tBone:
Train wreck? You mean a sort of bigger version of this?
http://flickr.com/photos/66596260@N00/1383325158/
Should the Repub logo for this campaign.