• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

If America since Jan 2025 hasn’t broken your heart, you haven’t loved her enough.

If rights aren’t universal, they are privilege, not rights.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Shut up, hissy kitty!

… gradually, and then suddenly.

75% of people clapping liked the show!

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

How stupid are these people?

Human rights are not a matter of opinion!

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, they’re gonna use it.”

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

So many bastards, so little time.

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

Polls are now a reliable indicator of what corporate Republicans want us to think.

Mobile Menu

  • Seattle Meet-up Post
  • 2025 Activism
  • Targeted Political Fundraising
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • COVID-19
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • 2025 Activism
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • Targeted Fundraising!
You are here: Home / Popular Culture / Not A Top Chef Open Thread

Not A Top Chef Open Thread

by John Cole|  January 31, 200910:44 pm| 23 Comments

This post is in: Popular Culture, Previous Site Maintenance

FacebookTweetEmail

No soup for you, Laura W.

Also, not sure how this has happened, but I had an unopened copy of Dark Knight that has completely gone AWOL. So, instead, I decided to watch the Big Lebowski. Also missing. If these were in any way edible, I would be looking at Tunch. As it is, they are missing.

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « DeBushification
Next Post: Either you’re slinging crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot »

Reader Interactions

23Comments

  1. 1.

    KRK

    January 31, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    Perhaps Tunch hocked or traded them for food.

  2. 2.

    Polish the Guillotines

    January 31, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    I decided to watch the Big Lebowski. Also missing.

    This will not stand, man.

  3. 3.

    Krista

    January 31, 2009 at 11:12 pm

    Have you recently cleaned or re-organized? You might have inadvertently hid them on yourself.

  4. 4.

    demimondian

    January 31, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    And you wonder why we worry about your sweet-loving sweet, loving cat.

  5. 5.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    January 31, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    I finally watched Burn After Reading last weekend John. I really enjoyed it. But outside of the great characters, there wasn’t much in the way of a plot. John Malkovich and Frances McDormand totally kicked ass. Brad Pitt was funny for about the first five minutes then it was a relief when he got shot dead.

    George Clooney was great, as he is in everything he does, but the part he played wasn’t really him. Clooney wouldn’t be fucking plump middle-aged chicks and building an automatic penis chairs in the basement (a lolz moment). I think someone like Dennis Franz would have been more believable for that part. I think Clooney’s perfectness works against him somewhat.

    We also saw Smart People within the last week also. Highly recommended. Dennis Quaid is developing into something special as he gets past the heartthrob phase of his career.

  6. 6.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    January 31, 2009 at 11:25 pm

    Apparently automatic pen1s chair triggers the spam filter.

  7. 7.

    skippy

    January 31, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    top chef sucks and i’ll tell you why.

    reality contests don’t work unless the audience can be engaged. how can a tv audience be engaged in food?

    we have to take the judges word for it when they say "oh, too runny" or "oh, good use of anis."

    the audience must be able to judge for themselves the quality of the work done, and that’s physically impossible for food on tv.

    that’s why i prefer the intellectual superiority of such tv fare as ice spiders.

  8. 8.

    TenguPhule

    February 1, 2009 at 1:06 am

    If these were in any way edible, I would be looking at Tunch.

    You think mere undigestibility will stop him?

  9. 9.

    Punchy

    February 1, 2009 at 1:38 am

    I just found a hidden compartment under the change holder in mt ’03 Taurus. Recovered about 4 CDs, 6 reciepts, work ID, and $4 in change. Perhaps you have similar situation?

  10. 10.

    JenJen

    February 1, 2009 at 2:17 am

    Like Laura W., I am so not enjoying this thread.

    JC, just mix up a White Russian. To hell with the movie!

  11. 11.

    different church-lady

    February 1, 2009 at 3:22 am

    Shut the fuck up, Donny.

  12. 12.

    maxbaer (not the original)

    February 1, 2009 at 5:36 am

    @skippy: "good use of anus?"

    I’ve heard of using every part of the animal. But, that’s going too far.

  13. 13.

    Karen

    February 1, 2009 at 7:33 am

    When you find where you put them, you can then apologize to Tunch. He will remember if you don’t. Cats have long memories like that.

  14. 14.

    Laura W

    February 1, 2009 at 7:37 am

    I do not know which is funnier to wake up to…pulling up this post or catching Tweety on Hardball Weekend asking Pittsburgh mayor if like the Pirates, the Steelers are named after people who steal stuff, followed by raucous laughter at his own lame-ass joke.

    This is gonna be a great day. I can feel it.

  15. 15.

    Laura W

    February 1, 2009 at 8:20 am

    I’m not overly fond of children, but how damn cute is this photo of Josh Marshall’s kids?

    The little one reminds me of the E*TRADE baby. Check out a few of the commercial outtakes! Too funny, and so very timely.

  16. 16.

    Libby

    February 1, 2009 at 11:06 am

    Check behind the bedroom door. Wasn’t that where your tennis shoes disappeared?

  17. 17.

    Aries M.

    February 1, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    I personally have a habit of drunken generosity in which I lend various items — books, cd’s, dvd’s — in a fit of alcohol fueled good will. Then I promptly forget all about it.

  18. 18.

    Laura W

    February 1, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    @Libby: and under the kitchen sink or counters, also. I think a bucket of dirty, soapy water spent a few nights there once too. Actually, on New Year’s Eve, come to think on it.
    John…how come you always lose your shit the night before a big day?

  19. 19.

    John Cole

    February 1, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    I didn’t give it away in a drunken stupor. It isn’t underneath the sink. It is not behind the door. It is not underneath the couch (although that has now been vacuumed because of the loss). It is not in the freezer (where I once found my cell phone after losing it).

    It has simply disappeared.

  20. 20.

    Laura W

    February 1, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    It is not underneath the couch (although that has now been vacuumed because of the loss)

    I am supposed to vacuum under the couch, too?
    Housework is Hard.

  21. 21.

    Libby

    February 1, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    @John Cole: Funny. I was going to suggest the refrigerator but I didn’t want to insult you.

    You might try looking in the first places you thought it should be again. Sometimes it’s just that the keepers of time have screwed up.

  22. 22.

    The Dude Abides

    February 1, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    The missing Big Lebowski DVD ties that whole situation together.

  23. 23.

    Joe

    February 1, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Old trick to find lost items that my Mom showed me: tie a rag or sock around the leg of a chair or desk. The lost items will show up. Don’t know how it works, don’t know if it’s the power of Jeebus or teh Debil, but it works.

Comments are closed.

Primary Sidebar

On The Road - way2blue - SINALEI, SAMOA—RESPITE EDITION—FEBRUARY 2025.  (second of five) 7
Image by way2blue (7/13/25)

World Central Kitchen

Donate

Recent Comments

  • danielx on Late Night Open Thread: Buyer’s Remorse (Jul 14, 2025 @ 1:57am)
  • Marc on Late Night Open Thread: Buyer’s Remorse (Jul 14, 2025 @ 1:51am)
  • Ohio Mom on Late Night Open Thread: Buyer’s Remorse (Jul 14, 2025 @ 1:44am)
  • Ramona on Late Night Open Thread: Buyer’s Remorse (Jul 14, 2025 @ 1:35am)
  • Ksmiami on Late Night Open Thread: Buyer’s Remorse (Jul 14, 2025 @ 1:33am)

Balloon Juice Posts

View by Topic
View by Author
View by Month & Year
View by Past Author

Featuring

Medium Cool
Artists in Our Midst
Authors in Our Midst
No Kings Protests June 14 2025

🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

Calling All Jackals

Site Feedback
Nominate a Rotating Tag
Submit Photos to On the Road
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Links)
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Posts)
Fix Nyms with Apostrophes

Social Media

Balloon Juice
WaterGirl
TaMara
John Cole
DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
Betty Cracker
Tom Levenson
David Anderson
Major Major Major Major
DougJ NYT Pitchbot
mistermix

Keeping Track

Legal Challenges (Lawfare)
Republicans Fleeing Town Halls (TPM)
21 Letters (to Borrow or Steal)
Search Donations from a Brand

Feeling Defeated?  If We Give Up, It's Game Over

Site Footer

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Comment Policy
  • Our Authors
  • Blogroll
  • Our Artists
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2025 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!