The highlight of my night is using my new water pick before soaking my feet and watching Frontline.
I might as well pick up bowling. It is so over.
*** Update ***
I’m going to go for broke and break out the nose hair trimmer.
Reader Interactions
128Comments
Comments are closed.
AnotherBruce
Hey bowling is fun, the trick is not to drink so much that you drop the ball on your toe. Steel toed bowling shoes are not too common.
True fact, bowling alleys make strong drinks, so be careful.
donovong
Hell, John – I had no idea you were 80 years old and confined to your jeri-chair. Please accept my condolences on the passing of your youth and vigor.
amorphous
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Nose hair trimmers hurt! Use small scissors that are probably intended for some other use, like I do.
Just Some Fuckhead
Sounds like yer getting all gussied up for yer internet bride, compadre.
Laura W
Why no amazon links to your favorite personal pamper products?
Very funny. Best laugh all day. Could be worse, speaking of medical tests…you could be undergoing the GI series tomorrow and fasting/purging today. AGAIN. Had to wait a whole month to do this again since the first time there was a little insurance
"misunderstanding", lets just say.
Where is Stuck? He was so sympathetic last time and shared stories of his farts. (That is NOT my "issue".)
gbear
Just don’t take up wii bowling while wearing mixed plaids.
demkat620
And you thought it was all going to be free love and bong hits when you became a Democrat.
Anne
Use little baby scissors for the nose hairs. Not so pointy!
Could use a wee Tunch pic for my Tuesday, if he’s of a mind.
Referencing your earlier post today, glad you’re in good health. The lumps can be scary.
Take care.
Jeremy
Dude, what happened to the Neti Pot? I think we need a Neti Pot Update posting from you.
imasmart
I love my water pick.
I drink seltzer water like it’s going out of style so my wife got me a soda maker for my birthday. Thing is awesome, I love it. Fresh seltzer on demand.
HitlerWorshippingPuppyKicker
I don’t know how old you are, but I have to be 20-25 years older, and all I can say is, damn, you make me feel young again.
I prescribe 10 episodes of the Ali G show, and some Raphael Saadiq tunes to get you back on track.
gbear
I’m about to perform my aged-person ritual: New CDs coming out today by Doves, Bob Mould, and Hold Steady so I’m going to ride my dinosaur to the record store. No ipod or downloads here. I may come home with some vinyl.
uila
Maybe we could build a fire, sing a couple of songs, huh? Why don’t we try that?
HitlerWorshippingPuppyKicker
Just a follow, Raphael Saadiq. Turn off the blog, get into the cool.
Jon H
Just wait until you keep a bigger supply of suppositories than of condoms.
Mnemosyne
@imasmart:
Wait, you can buy your own soda water maker? For your house? Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things?!?
I am not being sarcastic. I drink, like, two bottles of sparkling water a day. That puppy is MADE for me.
Though it does strangely remind me of one of my all-time favorite episodes of This American Life, "My Two Cents."
Mnemosyne
@uila:
All right, we grease him. No offense.
imasmart
@Mnemosyne:
Me too. Yup it’s awesome. I used to waste a lot too, because as a 2 liter would start to go flat, I’d go get a fresh bottle and water the plants with the flat water.
Litlebritdifrnt
And you haven’t posted a link to the POTUS meeting with US troops in Iraq because?
robertdsc
Wii Bowling is fun.
wasabi gasp
If you care enough to reach for the nose trimmer, you know you still got a little boogie in ya.
Just Some Fuckhead
Look on the plus side John. No matter how deep into yer shame spiral you get, you can’t be more pathetic than J. Michael Neal. Ha!
No offense, JMN.
Jess
Dude–TMI.
I’ve gotten to the age where I’m starting to check out the velour lounging suits and think, "my, that looks comfy…"
John Cole
I’d like to point out that according to Amazon, people who bought the sodastream sodamaker also purchased nipples.
Laura W
@John Cole:
BORN FREE?
The laughs keep coming around here tonight.
Edit: Spoke too soon…
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally!
If you’ve ever wanted bigger nipples, then these are perfect. I stick them on over my actual tiny nipples, and once you put a shirt on, no one knows that they’re not real!
DarrenG
If the next pic of Tunch has pasty white legs with black socks and sandals in it, I’m outta here.
Just sayin’.
Jim
@John Cole:
Damn. I was hoping it was gonna be one of those bottles with a trigger like the Stooges used to shoot at each other.
And in the spirit of the original post, I am often relieved when I have no where to go on Friday night and can sit by the fire, reading and listening to an early music show on the classical NPR station.
Dennis-SGMM
Are you shaving your ears? Are you checking your hands for liver spots and considering having them lased away? No? Shit, you’re not that old then. Just celebrated my 61st. One present was a new mountain bike (The old one was starting to rattle). You’re only as old as you wish yourself to be.
imasmart
@Laura W:
Apparently someone also thought the nipples were too soft. That’s too bad, if nipple’s aren’t hard, you’re doing it wrong.
South of I-10
A couple of years ago I went to the dermatologist to get a spot on my back checked. Doc tells me it is harmless sebborrheic (sp?) keratosis and gives me a pamphlet to read. Pamphlet refers to the spots as "the barnacles of old age". Very, very depressing. He then suggested that I might benefit from a facial laser peel at the clinic he conveniently owns. I actually went home and cried.
Max
If it is really that over for you, skip bowling and take up bocce ball.
Jess
@Laura W:
Did you read his other reviews? They’re Teh Awesome! The comments responding to his reviews are even funnier, but kinda sad at the same time–I’m always amazed at how irony-deficient people are.
John Cole
Other than one brief mention at noon, the folks at the Corner completely ignored Vermont.
J. Michael Neal
Hey!
Laura W
@Jess: WOW! No kidding, huh?
Not recommended for the casual space explorer. That nearly killed me.
Someone needs to go invite Mr. Hoffman Shooting Blanks to BJ.
J. Michael Neal
It occurred to me that we have a lot of Twin Cities folks on here. Me. gbear. asiangrrrlMN. The Other Steve. A couple others I can’t remember. We should do a get together.
Dennis-SGMM
We’ll go no more a-roving
SO, we’ll go no more a-roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.
For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have rest.
Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we’ll go no more a-roving
By the light of the moon.
-George Gordon Byron, Lord Byron
Jay Essell
You’re only as old as your hormones — a "specialist" who’s trying to figure out what’s wrong with me ordered bloodwork and, according to the estrogen levels, I’m either way postmenopausal or a guy. Except I’m neither.
Jess
@Laura W:
I was just thinking the same thing, but I suspect he’s already here, somewhere…DougJ?
Library Grape
Did anyone happen to catch Keith Olbermann’s top-of-the-show segment on calling out Obama for his DOJ’s shameful defense of the state secrets privilege today? I was listening to it and kept thinking "O’Reilly would NEVER be laying into Bush the way Olbermann is laying into Obama right now"
Just Some Fuckhead
@J. Michael Neal: Also Wini, Tymannosourous and.. Phoenix Woman?
Laura W
@Jess: I ran back to say the same thing but I had only 8 seconds left in the edit. The more I read the super-impressive parenting skills parts, the more I just kept thinking "Fuckhead".
gnomedad
@Jeremy:
Better.
jcricket
How well does this thing work? We go through a ton of sparkling water too, but my wife is convinced the product you got won’t work (as every other gadget I buy hasn’t).
And what’s wrong with bowling? I bowl. There’s a gay bowling league, a punk-rawk bowling league, corporate bowling leagues, kids parties, etc. Cross-section of America man. You can get drunk, eat bad food and do so while claiming you’re playing a sport. What’s more American than that?
me
It’s good to be a corrupt (redundant?) Saudi prince.
J. Michael Neal
@Just Some Fuckhead: Yeah, well as long as you aren’t there, I’ll be happy.
Ellid
You need to train Tunch to sit on your lap rug as your electric powered wheelchair or Scoot-A-Round mows down small children, dogs, etc., on your way to the nearest all you can eat Old County Buffet on Senior Citizen Wednesday. You also need to practice yelling "GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN, my friends" until you sound like McCain.
Just Some Fuckhead
@J. Michael Neal: Raoooowww.
Tax Analyst
John, you aren’t old enough to toss in the towel yet. Shit, I just turned 59 last week and I still play a mean game of table tennis and occasionally have played some basketball with the younger folks here at work (most of them are less than 1/2 my age). I don’t get anywhere near as far off the ground anymore, and I seem to descend a lot quicker, but other than that I ain’t too bad.
Of course, I’m packing less rear freight than I did when I was 35 or so, and that helps.
But could you tell me where you get that nose hair trimmer from? The damn stuff seemed to start growing like weeds after I turned about 55 – ear hair, too.
Dennis-SGMM
They get all pissy when you bowl overhand.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Life in the fast lane.
I must be about 70 years old mentally. The idea of sitting around doing nothing with frequent breaks to annoy the felines when I’m bored sounds like a wee slice of heaven.
(And now our resident 70-year-olds will make us all really fucking old by telling us about their exciting week of mountain climbing/BASE jumping/alligator wrestling/tri-state pub crawl capped off with a high speed car chase and eluding the cops by ducking into a nudist colony frequented by 25 year old Swedish volley ball players.)
Happy Birthday Dennis. Also.
freelancer
Saturday Mornings, if I don’t sleep in, I deep clean my place while listening to the SGU podcast, cook pancakes, and go do the week’s laundry. I sold my Wii years ago, but later in the evening hours, you can catch me on XBL playing COD4 or Bioshock (just got it Monday). Next Sunday is my birthday, am I the youngest boring person in here?
gex
Man, Cole, you sound so dreamy. Too bad I’m gay.
@J. Michael Neal: I’m in the Twin Cities too!
Comrade Darkness
I just started up a class at my downtown Y this evening. I feel like a kid again. I highly recommend something similar for a middle-aged rut.
On a different topic. My furminator arrived. I have to say, I have some advice for anyone else who is using one for the first time. Take off the clothes you are wearing, reach into the dirty clothes hamper for something already in need of washing, furminate cats, swap clothes back. So much hair comes off the cat, even the one ostensibly not shedding, that you will not want to continue to wear the same clothing you had on during the furminating process.
My cats were a little uncertain, so I only did them about 1/3 of what I could have, gave them lots of treats afterward. I’ll do the second third tomorrow.
D-Chance.
Should we expect a Memeo-swarm on Castro over the next 24 hours?
jl
Bowling is OK. But… uh… I don’t think Cole is that old, is he? Maybe you can get a ping pong table -that might get things going around there. Your maybe tie some catnip around your ankles so Tunch attacks you more often. That will help keep you young.
Comrade Darkness
Amazon ad alert!
TheLorax
Don’t forget the Neti Pot follow through.
John Cole
Best line in a great post at Pandagon: “If you told Althouse that she was an idiot during Kwanzaa, she would start a crusade to get you back for ruining her celebration of Umoja. “
South of I-10
Okay, I just got done reading all the Amazon reviews and I am crying over here! Too funny.
Gus
I’m only a part timer on this blog, but I’m in.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Please note: There is no truth to the rumor that John uses the Furminator on his nose hair.
Brian J
Don’t feel so bad. I’m 24, and most nights, I’d rather fall asleep while watching stand up on Comedy Central or "Countdown." And trust me, unless I’m hallucinating, I’ll need the nose hair trimmer soon. Do you have any recommendations?
gbear
@J. Michael Neal:
A post-Norm Coleman celebration? Have any locations in mind? I know coffee shops better than bars so I might not be a good decider.
Svensker
@Dennis-SGMM:
I’ve always loved that poem. Someone sang it, too, in the 60s — Joan Baez? Beautiful.
J. Michael Neal
Laura! Fuckhead’s being mean to me!
Just Some Fuckhead
I wasn’t serious JMN. Don’t try to get me banned. I know your name and where you live. :)
Comrade Nikolita
Is there 5 pin bowling in any of the states, or do you guys just have 10 pin bowling? Either way, bowling is a ton of fun, and is good exercise once you’re in your later years. An aunt of mine bowled until she was 82, until she had to stop due to a broken hip.
You could certainly pick a worse sport than bowling. ;) I’m almost 23 and I’ve been bowling since I was 10.
Svensker
My husband’s doctor told him that the nose hair appearance in middle age had to do with the collapse of the tissues due to age in the nose.
Nice, huh?
J. Michael Neal
@gbear: For a bar, I like either Town Hall, on the West Bank of the University, or the Great Waters Brewing Company in St Paul, as long as we pick a night when there’s no event at the Xcel Center.
J. Michael Neal
@Just Some Fuckhead: Yeah, like I’d rely on Cole to do anything useful to protect me.
Dennis-SGMM
@Brian J:
Just chuck a 1/4" drill bit in your Makita cordless. If the words "tax cuts" are suddenly appealing then you’ve gone too deep.
Just Some Fuckhead
@J. Michael Neal: I wasn’t talking about him.
J. Michael Neal
@Just Some Fuckhead: Ah. You’re afraid you aren’t going to get any.
Gus
Beer snob, eh? I like the way you think.
J. Michael Neal
@Gus: I’m a beer snob whose stomach can’t handle carbonation. I’m such a beer snob that it would offend me to watch the people I’m with drink crappy beer.
Church Lady
Damn, and I thought my life was getting boring. John, you need to find some hobbies that will take you out of the house. Your single, man – live it up!
gbear
@J. Michael Neal: Great Waters is close to home for me. Non-Xcel night is a must or parking will be pricey. I’m not going to be fussy about a place as long as it’s quiet enough to hear a conversation.
edit: The new Bulldog Cafe down in Lowertown is a good beer snob place too. What if someone you were with was drinking N.A. beer?
Left Coast Tom
@Svensker:
That poem was also used in Ray Bradbury’s Martian Chronicles
LD50
Well, it’s obvious, he doesn’t support our troops and wants us to lose.
J. Michael Neal
@gbear: Is Lowertown the area around Hennepin and Central? If that’s the Bulldog you mean, I can walk there, so that’s fine with me.
AnneLaurie
Late to chip in, John, but I’m also very glad to hear your health scare has a happy ending.
Now I’m hoping for a lesser blessing — this evening the doggie dermatologist told my Spousal Unit that our 15-year-old cancer survivor’s staph infection is finally responding to the antibiotics, but she’s got a lump in her rectum that needs to be excised. If it’s "just" a recurrence of the colon cancer, that can be treated (assuming her enlarged heart survives the anesthesia)"as long as the cancer hasn’t spread to her lungs." I wish she’d saved the oversharing until we could get an appointment with the surgical oncologist, because Buta-Hime-Sama is the light of my SU’s life and he’ll be inconsolable. Seriously, I’d trade her 10 years off the end of my own projected lifespan if it worked that way, and the little b*tch doesn’t even like me!
Edited for trolls: Yes, I am duly grateful that I live in a country & an era where my godsdamned lapdog can receive better medical care than most humans, and that we have enough credit to ‘waste’ on keeping her with us as long as possible. And yet I still hope you DIAF, because I’m like that.
gbear
There’s another Bulldog in St. Paul near the Park Square Court building on Mears Park. I’ve been to the Hennepin Bulldog. Food is good. Either is fine by me.
edit: signing off for the night here. We’ll figure something out.
BethanyAnne
@imasmart: I got a little bit obsessive about this myself, earlier. Shameless blogwhoring. Now I hope it just doesn’t blow up if anyone actually visits :-)
imasmart
@jcricket:
I have no complaints so far. Although I’ve had it about two weeks. I’ve been through one CO2 bottle. I guess the only funky thing is they hand deliver the CO2, instead of using UPS or what not. So you have to be in range of one of their delivery places. I suppose that makes sense as UPS probably doesn’t let you ship pressurized gas around.
BethanyAnne
oh, and I didn’t make it here today in time for the Tea Party thread, so I’ma put my comment here. As far as I’m concerned, when these folk can get more people to show up to their protests than showed up to the antiwar protests, *then* they can affect policy. Until then, they can just sit down and shut up.
imasmart
@Jess:
This is my all time favorite Amazon review.
BethanyAnne
To add a bit of context, I’ve had a soda club machine for like 4 years. Love it. But it’s in storage with most of the rest of my stuff at the moment, so I was considering other options. Oddly, lots of boating supply stores carry the canisters. When I didn’t want to do the mail delivery, that’s what I did to get refills.
CapMidnight
I don’t have a cat. Can I legally buy a furminator anyway?
Brian J
@Dennis-SGMM:
What if I start going on about FEMA concentration camps? Does that mean I’m about to go through the other end of my skull?
imasmart
@BethanyAnne:
Awesome, didn’t even think about DIY.
srv
That’s what the congressional watchdog appointed to oversee the TARP funds says.
Wonk
My mom’s lawyer just got elected the new mayor of my town. He’s ahead of the 20+ year incumbent by about 150 votes with all the precincts counted. The results aren’t "official" yet, though. Hopefully the current mayor won’t pull a "Coleman."
First Obama, now this! I’ll try not to let the proximity to all that power go to my head.
Oh, and the Freeper is NOT my new congressperson – she’s the Mexican American head of the Illinois Minutemen. Keeping our borders with Wisconsin, Indiana and Iowa safe from … people like her ancestors. What’s up with that? It’s like a Jewish Nazi or a Black Klansman.
BethanyAnne
@imasmart: I also want to try Alton Brown’s ginger ale recipe. That or make my own ginger syrup to add to soda water.
AnotherBruce
I don’t have a cat. Can I legally buy a furminator anyway?
I think it varies state to state, but most states have a minimum back hair density requirement.
Ed Marshall
What’s this sparkling water shit? Buy a regulator, a beverage canister and a 10lb tank of CO2 from your welding supply store. I use it for home brew beer, but it’s the exact same concept.
MikeJ
Your philosophy intrigues me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. Do you have a link to more info on these items?
Zam
@Wonk: Fuck you I’m comin down just to test her
gnomedad
Apropos of the great Tunch weight controversy.
freelancer
In other embarrassing ‘I’m aging’ news
uhm, I take a Barber’s trimmer and furminate my shoulders and patchy backside every 3 months or so. [/fucktestosterone]
MrsCakesHat
Just delurking to say we’ve had that same soda maker for the past year, works great, no problems, and you can definitely have the CO2 refills sent to you by UPS (they ship the refills with a box for you to send back the empties). It really is awesome.
Lesley
How about lawn bowling?
Brian J
Maybe I missed the train, as I was at work all day and didn’t have a chance to keep up with the news, but this story in The New York Times is likely to reignite the calls to hang the investment bankers. It’s also not going to make the job of people who are fighting back against the idea that modern finance is little more than a house of cards that much harder, I imagine.
Wonk
Please do! Because I don’t think she’s made quite enough of a fool of herself yet.
jenmcb
You need a personal stylist is all. I have people who can help you with that! You just need a little more Versace in your life and you’ll be up and running in no time. At least you are into personal grooming, right? And owning the selzer water machine is actually good — it seems very metrosexual to me.
right on! Keep up the good work, man!!
Brian J
Or just a friend, preferably of the other, fairer sex, who can tell you what looks good. I have to tell you, I got more done shopping in less than one hour in one store with two women (one friend who invited me along to meet a friend of hers from college) who helped me out than I normally do browsing around a store on my own. And for whatever reason, most seem to like it, a lot.
OriGuy
Took the bus home from work tonight. Since I have to transfer in downtown SJ I stopped in at an Irish pub that has a seisiún (Irish jam session) on Tuesday nights. Turned out I knew the (female) hammer dulcimer player. Halfway through the Blue Moon hefewitzen I got hungry and ordered fish & chips. Washed that down with a Smithwick’s (pronounced SMID-dicks, I did not know that.) Ended off with a Newky, said my farewell to the hammer dulcimer player and barely caught the bus home. The Sharks were on the TVs, but not doing anything, tying the Avalanche 0-0.
+3
jharp
John,
Be glad you aren’t suffering from the gout and losing your eyesight yet. That’s next.
And I read your post on your health scare. And you being OK is what important.
Went through something similar with my 17 year old daughter a couple of weeks ago. And it scared the shit out of me.
She’s fine and I’m thankful you are too.
Face it gang. Nothing else really natters.
AnotherBruce
How about lawn bowling?
I think it’s a grand sport, it combines a fine balance of power, skill and dexterity. Also it shows great potential to be significantly enhanced by explosives (particularly land mines) which have been fortunately been made much more readily available on a world wide scale in our enlightened age.
wasabi gasp
Seems to me more sad and depressing than a significant amount of nostril hair.
Jess
@imasmart:
Thanks to your link, I peed my pants laughing. I hope you’re proud of yourself.
andante
From my own shameful life experience, I do encourage you MOST STRONGLY to change out of your "street" shoes and into bowling shoes before attempting to bowl. Otherwise, you won’t need or want to weed-whack your nose hair or other facial hair for a LONG time.
Photovore
I just turned 59 and I can shoot groups twice as tight at the range as my USMC "Expert" qualified son in law.. When I was an active member of Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children ca. forty years ago I never got past "Sharpshooter" (the middle of the three levels of Marine marksmanship)..
Thing is, I haven’t picked up a firearm in at least ten years and only went to the range because he suggested it, my first group was almost as good as his best and it only took me a hundred or two rounds to soundly trounce my son in law.. He doesn’t wanna talk about it, I think I hurt his feelings.
To be honest, I surprised the crap out of myself.
Teh Wolverines had best watch themselves, this old liberal can shoot your eye out at 50 yards..
"Shoot the wings off the fly"..
Chuck Butcher
Cripes, Cole lets us know that he’s boring, to tears boring and his minions come up with carbonated water and cat rakes? I’ve got a couple decades on John and rather than clip my nose I drive a 62 Chevy II down a dragstrip, and it’s a street car that does the first 60 feet in 1.8 seconds, 0-42 mph in 4 car lanes pulling 1.5 Gs and makes the 1/4 mile in 12.7 seconds at 104 mph. It isn’t a dedicated race car, it was my wife’s daily driver all year around grocery getter. Fun is quite available with no one’s assistance. Living in W VA should put enough tracks within a couple hours to race darn near every week end. (it’s nothing like E of BF Egypt like where I live)
I’m 56 in June and I’ll be darned if I’ll bore myself. Sure it’s silly – that’s the point.
Stoic
Man, I love shout-outs to "Aliens".
Little Dreamer
This is exactly why I spend so little time here lately.
gnomedad
When life hands you nose hairs, make a sweater.
Little Dreamer
Lawn bowling? That’s for Republicans, play Bocce instead.
p.a.
Thanks, John. Now my half-assed life doesn’t seem so bad.
DougJ
Me too.
Krista
Ah John — if embracing good grooming and personal hygiene means that you’re getting old, then that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I know plenty of young men who are in dire need of a 20-minute session with the water pik and the nose hair trimmer.
And to me, there’s nothing sadder than seeing an old guy walk around with antennae-like eyebrows and hairs coming out of his nose and ears — it makes me think that there’s nobody close enough to him to notice these things and help him take care of it. (Same goes for old women with chin hairs — someone help them!)
By the way, I’ve been having a really bad bout with pregnancy rhinitis, so I broke down and got the Neti Pot. I’ve hardly sneezed at all since. Coincidence? I think not.
Dennis-SGMM
Guess who wrote
in response to a Politico piece critical of Glenn Beck’s growing influence on Republican discourse?
Would you believe it was Charles Johnson, of Little Green Footballs? About Glenn Beck’s Extremist Rhetoric
Svensker
@imasmart:
Yow.
Svensker
@gnomedad:
FTW
KXB
Hey – nothing wrong with Frontline. Few news shows treat their audience like they are adults the way Frontline does. Nightline is unwatchable now.
As for grooming matters, at least you can take care of that nose hair in a few minutes. Manscaping the back takes me 30 minutes.
Gus
Not a good place for conversation, however.
Ronzoni Rigatoni
Jokari Fizz Keeper. (Google is your friend). I had a bottle of soda water hidden in the fridge for 2 years. It stayed as fresh as the day I bought it. No CO2 bottles to buy. Just a bottle-cap air-pump.
2th&nayle
@Jess: Thanks to your "peed my pants laughing" remark, I had to go check out the link. Now, I’ve got to go change pants as well. Funny stuff! Thx imasmart!